Work Text:
It was the best part of the day for Tommy. Afternoon, but lighted by rays of sun nevertheless. A peaceful time with his friends - or, as many of them he could actually invite to his house.
Tubbo, Ranboo, Aimsey, Philza and Wilbur. All of them talking with each other, making themselves comfortable, just after the stream in backyard. Well, because of water they used, Tommy now was in life-threatening danger.
Like seriously, his hair was soaked wet and looked awful.
Really. That is an ENORMOUS TRAGEDY.
And Tommy, such a big man he was, decided that he needed to do something about it.
So now he was staying in bathroom, drying his blond hair with a towel he found in the closet. It's not like he DIDN'T have his own towel, hanged on a hanger, but everyone has separate towels for hair, body, face, hands.... Or maybe not. But Tommy didn't need to think about the number of towels he had in possession.
With a sigh, he throw the towel on bathroom heater and took his hairbrush to just TRY making his locks look decent and tolerable. They still looked like a drenched and dried cat's fur but oh well.
He didn't like what he saw when he met with his gaze in the mirror.
His face and eyes were blurred, blank. He couldn't see anything in his reflection, just wiped out facial expression, structurs. Nothing. Like a Slenderman's face.
Tommy shrieked.
The brush in his hand made a plastic thunk when it met with bathroom floor tiles, but Tommy didn't notice, too frightened of the sight in mirror. A big crack went across its surface, splitting teens face in a middle, with more smaller scars leading from it to corners and sides. The breaking sound was still ringing in Tommy's ears, making him curl into ball, with eyes closed and palms on his ears, desperately trying to cut the sounds off. But nothing worked, it almost was, as if the ringing was coming from everywhere, from his insides even, directly into his brain.
A pitiful whine escaped boys lips and he felt warm liquid on his cheeks. If he was in better mind state, he would recognize it as his tears. But now nothing rational could enter his mind.
'Why? Why now, when everything is perfect? whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy'
'I was doing so well, everyone is happy! It is just a nightmare, right? Just a dream, just a bad dream... And when I'll wake up, everything will go back to normal, yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes?'
“Tommy?”
“no... No it's nothing, it's definitely nothing”
“Tommy”
“I don't want it, I want to go back, please let me go back, please, please, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW”
“Tommy!”
Gentle hug and voice broke his rambling. Tommy now recognized, it was his brother Wilbur. He momentally melted into the warm embrace, grasping the material of Will's yellow sweater. Tommy cried in older man's arms, clunging onto him, like Wilbur was last straw that connected him with life. Brunette was humming softly some lullaby, trying to sooth the teenager, who definitely was suffering from some kind of breakdown right now.
Soon, Tommy's louder whines became silent sobs and hiccups. He found himself being pulled on Wilbur's lap, his older brother's arm enclosing him in warm hug. Tommy didn't mind, he felt safe like this, when he could rest on Will's chest, snuggling his head in the crook of older's neck.
Quiet reassurances met Tommy's ears, once he calmed down, in Wilbur's embrace, while brunette was hugging and rocking him back and forth in arms. The teen loved this. Loved the moments, when his brother friend was hugging him, telling him it was okay, calming down after a nightmare Tommy experienced. And Tommy would definitely NOT admit that he likes when Will is calling him pet names - his favorites were definitely Songbird and Sunshine. Maybe because the older one was using mostly them.
“Shhhh, Songbird, I'm here, nothing will happen to you, you are safe, big brother Wilby is here, Baby, Sunshine, Toms, shhhh”
Tommy focused on Wilbur's words, making a small whimper in agreement. Will was caressing Tommy's golden hair, still slightly wet. The other hand was on younger one's back, fingers drawing small circles, to help the teen calm down.
“Can you tell me what happened, Sweetheart?”
Tommy nodded, trying to find words, which wouldn't scare brunette off, but at the same time would be enough good to explain, what he was experiencing.
“I- it's-” he tried, but his voice was sore, so not Tommy-like. Teen cleared his throat and tried once again, his voice small and uneasy.
“It's... Sometimes I'm feeling weird. Like, I shouldn't be here. Or everything is so out of place, and-” Tommy took a shaken breath, when Wilbur hummed softly, encouraging him to continue, his attention locked onto Tommy.
“Sometimes I feel like it was all just a dream” he whispered, looking away from brunette. He didn't want to saw his reaction, the utter of terror and thoughts about Tommy being insane, which the teen assumed, would place on older man's face.
“Oh, Sunshine”
The simple coo made Tommy look at Wilbur's face.
That was a mistake.
Brunette's lips widened in unnatural smile - it wasn't even possible for person to be smiling like that!
Tommy's breath fastened, as he tried to move from Wilbur, unlock himself from the hug and escape, escape, sscape. Far, far away, away from brunette, away from people in this house. Because he knew, that everyone would wear the same smile.
But he couldn't. He couldn't move. Freezed in place, watching with horror the changes on Wilbur's face.
“You know the truth, don't you”
you know the truth don't you you know the truth don't you you know the truth don't you you know the truth don't you you know the truth don't you
Wilbur's voice multiplicated, circled around him and burst into his head. And soon, it didn't even sound like Wilbur.
Tommy tried clasping his palms on his ears, but couldn't suppress the mocking tone of the voices. He made his eyes shut.
“I know, I know, just leave me alone, please, PLEASE, STOP!”
Tommy slowly opened his eyes, allowing sunlight to burst into his irises. He growled quietly. It was supposed to go better than that. But unfortunately for him, those events happen now more often than before.
He found it inconvenient.
With sigh, Tommy pushed off of his bed, for couple of seconds trying to restore his balance.
He walked out of his room, past bathroom, into the small kitchen. Yeah, this session really made him hungry. And he didn't eat properly for the past few days, so it wouldn't kill Tommy to make something for... Lunch? Dinner? Maybe Supper? Or was it breakfast already? Both his meal- and sleeping schedules were pretty much messed up.
But who cares? He was an adult now, living on his own, he could take care of himself, didn't need any kind from help from anyone. And besides, he wouldn't have anyone to ask for help. His parents? Constantly gone. Other family? Too less time to figure out who they are. Siblings? He always was an only child. Friends? Doesn't have any!
But that's alright, his life wasn't THAT bad. And certainly wasn't as bad as other people struggling with loneliness.
Yes, Tommy was lonely. First he tried to deny it. Now he embraced it. And you know what? Once you did it, it doesn't seem like something you couldn't cope with.
And his methods maybe wasn't too healthy, but helped him in his worst.
Sometimes even laying in bed was hard. Tommy was staring into nothing. His ceiling was si interesting in those moment. It was painted... White. Yeah. At least he thinks it is white. You can't actually see the colours in the darkness, after the sun went down and you don't have your lamp on.
At those moments Tommy only wanted for someone to hug him, cuddle him, hold him. Heck, even sonething as small as holding his hand, rubbing his arms or back or even stroking his hair and acknowledged him.
But apparently, he Tommy wasn't worth it, as he doesn't have anyone he could ask to come and visit him.
So, teenager did, what he knew would help him, if only slightly.
Tommy wrapped himself in duvet, so tight he almost couldn't move. He tugged tugged soft and fluffy blanket between his legs, hugging it and his stuffed cow - Henry at the same time. He buried face in pillow and tried singing himself lullabies between silent cries, imagining that it wasn't only blanket and Henry but a real person, hugging him, helping him. Giving him attention. Giving him physical comfort and touch Tommy longed for. And he imagined it was specifically that one person, whom he couldn't reach.
Tommy didn't know when he fell asleep. He loved his dream space, he realized it was the only way he could meet them. The only place where he felt safe, comfortable, and loved.
So, he practiced lucid dreams. At this point he succeeded in nearly 90% times he tried.
He got addicted to them, to the point he barely wanted to leave his mind space. But what's the point of living in reality, when it sucks so much?
The notification from Twitch was what awoke him. Tommy turned in bed and reached for his phone. A sad smile placed on his lips. In one moment he opened his app and joined the stream.
The man he idolized.
The man he saw as his brother figure.
Or, would have seen.
Wilbur Soot
He typed a quick "HELOO WILL" in the chat, mixing with many of other watchers.
Obviously Wilbur didn't notice. Why would he? They only met once and Tommy nearly cried from happiness, when he received autograph from him and took selfie.
After all, he was just one of Wilbur's teenage fans. He was just a normal guy.
God, he wished he wasn't. He wished, he could say that people from Dream SMP were his friends. He wished he could say he and Wilbur were like brothers. He wished he could be part of Sleepy Boys Inc. - the trio of almighty PhilzaMinecraft, a literal GOD Technoblade and Wilbur Soot. The three of them really acted like a family. A family Tommy wanted to have. A father figure, since his real was absent in his life. Older brothers he could talk to and tease.
He wished he was part of Dream SMP.
But he wasn't.
After all, why Dream would invite a normal boy, same as the millions of others?
Tommy wasn't anything special, just touch-starved teen with anxiety and problems with loneliness.
So, he dreamed. He was making fictional scenerios, where he could be part of the pack of Minecraft Twitch streamers.
And maybe, maybe in another world, this dream would came to reality.