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“Rough couple of days,” Sabine said from behind him. Ezra startled a bit, so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed her approach.
“Yeah, it’s been strange.” He pulled his knees up to his chest, refusing to look away from the black expanse of space.
“I have just what you need,” she crossed over to the control panel and produced a holo-disc from her pocket. “The holo-disc from your house. It was pretty degraded, but I cleaned it up. I found something.” She popped it into the receiver, and a glowing image was projected in front of him.
The picture was of him clinging onto his mothers back while his father looked on fondly. He was wearing one of the dresses his mom liked to make him when they could spare credits for some nice fabric. He’d kept those dresses for as long as he could, long after he had stopped wearing them and grown too big for them to fit, but he eventually had to sell them for food.
His hair was long, halfway down his back in some spots of the choppy uneven mess. The glittery clip pinned in his hair was doing nothing to keep the lopsided bangs he had given himself from falling in front of his eyes.
Instantly, he was overcome with both gratitude and discomfort.
“Mom. Dad,” he said, his voice a little strained at both the emotion of seeing their faces again and the fear of Sabine saying something about it. Calling it a fear made it sound a little irrational, as if he wasn’t sure what would happen next, but he could sense it. Something was about to shift.
His body was overheating and there was a lump growing in his throat. He curled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. Here it comes.
“Who’s that one?” She asked, pointing at him in the picture.
His heart was beating so quickly that he felt sick. He could feel it in his ears. He elected to simply stare at the image until his eyes burned.
He supposed it would have to come out eventually, with all of them living together, but he had hoped to have more time as just Ezra. Not the Ezra who used to be someone else.
He’d tried to run away from it on Lothal, from the old neighbors that said his new name like they were entertaining the game of a child. From the leering, dangerous gazes of those who knew better, those who knew what he was hiding. From the shop-owners who would squint at his face and swear that they’ve seen him before, did he have a sister? A female cousin maybe?
Sabine was still waiting for him to say something. “Look, dude, if you’ve already mentioned your sister and I forgot, I’m sorry, but you talk a lot and sometimes I just tune you out.”
“I don’t have a sister,” he admitted quietly.
“Oh. I’m sorry, Ezra, I shouldn't have pushed. I didn’t mean to bring up another loss for you. I know it’s already been a long day.”
He finally tore his eyes away from the projection. “What? What are you talking about?”
She pinched her brows together. “She’s dead, right? Did I misread that?”
“Karabast, I seriously never had a sister! That’s me, Sabine!”
“Oh! That’s you.” She didn’t say anything for a moment, continuing to inspect the image. It left the room to sit in a tense silence that made Ezra’s skin crawl. The few seconds it was quiet stretched for what seemed like hours. “You were a cute kid. Interesting haircut.”
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Is that all you have to say?”
“What else is there to say?” She shrugged.
“I don’t know, but people usually have a lot more opinions about it. It’s not normal.”
“Who cares about being normal? Normal is different wherever you go. It depends on the sector, the star system, the planet, the town, the individual. I had a friend like you in the academy, except she was a boy when she was a kid. It’s not uncommon on Mandalore.”
“There are other people like me?”
“Don’t be so surprised, Ezra. Not everywhere is like Lothal. It’s a big galaxy out there,” she patted the back of his chair and turned to leave. “I’ll get out of your hair. Happy birthday.”
“Are you going to tell the others?”
She stopped in the doorway and turned back to face him. “No. Are you?”
“I’m…not sure.”
“Well, if you want to do it on your own terms, I would do it soon. With all of us living together, it’s going to come up eventually. And I think you’ll find this to be a very accepting group of people.”
He smiled. “Right. Thanks again, Sabine.”
“It’s no problem.” With that, she left.
He leaned back in his seat, bringing his attention back to the image in front of him. He would tell them. Maybe not tonight, but soon.
It was several weeks before it was brought up again. They were restocking supplies planet-side, and for the first time since he had joined the crew, they had credits to spare. Hera and Kanan had given everyone a few to spend on whatever they wanted to.
Sabine had looked around with him for a while, but went back to ship after she picked up some new paints. There was a project she needed them for that she was eager to finish.
He browsed the marketplace slowly, not quite sure what to buy. They already had food, medicine, ammunition, and fuel on board. Having pocket change was something he hadn’t had the luxury of enjoying since his parents were around.
His comm crackled to life. “Spectre-6, we’re all back at the ship. Are you almost finished?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m heading back.” He turned around, ready to return to the Ghost and save the credits for another day, when a small stand that he hadn’t seen before caught his attention. There were several baskets of spices and leaves on the merchant’s counter. “Just give me a couple of minutes.”
He approached the booth. “These look familiar,” he said, picking up a leaf to take a closer look at it.
“Those are the finest behot leaves you’ll be able to find in this sector, especially with the tight security on imports these days,” the woman boasted.
“Behot? Oh! My friend loves this stuff. She uses it to make, um, I think it’s called shib?”
She laughed. “I think you mean shig. Is your friend Mandolorian?”
“Sure is. Haven’t been able to find it anywhere for months. How much will this get me?” He asked, holding up his credits.
She took the credits and counted them up. “That should get you about an ounce and a half. Should I get that weighed out for you?”
“Yes please!”
The merchant made quick work of measuring out and packaging the tea. Before she handed it over, she grabbed another pinch of leaves and stuffed them into the tin. “Plus a little extra for a fellow homesick Mandolorian.”
Ezra hesitated before accepting the tin. “Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, kid. You should get going soon, Imperial security increases at this time of day. They’ve been roughing up civilians left and right lately,” she said in a hushed voice.
“Oh, right. Thank you.”
She nodded, and he made his way back to the ship. Everybody was in the lounge when he returned.
“Took you long enough,” Zeb grumbled.
“It’s been a while since I’ve had extra cash, I wasn’t sure what to spend it on,” he shrugged off his backpack and grabbed the tin. “Head’s up,” he tossed it over to Sabine.
“What is this?” She opened the lid and peered inside. “Wait a minute,” she cautiously sniffed the contents. “How were you able to find behot?”
“An older Mandolorian lady was selling it.”
“Ezra, you seriously didn’t have to,” Sabine said, staring gratefully at the tin in her hands.
“It’s no problem. Consider it a thank you for the holo-disc.”
Hera looked up from the data pad she had her nose stuck in. “The holo-disc! Sabine, you never told us you were able to actually get it working again!”
His stomach twisted a little. “Yeah. Did I forget to mention that?”
“Did you find anything good, at least?” Kanan asked.
“Oh, um,” he caught Sabine’s gaze out of the corner of his eye. She nodded, giving him a look that told him to go ahead. “It was a…family portrait. Me and my parents.”
Everybody seemed to pick up on his hesitancy to continue. The atmosphere shifted again. It was quieter. More tense.
“You don’t have to share,” Hera said.
He shook his head. “It’s okay. I want to share it.” He reached into one of the smaller pockets in his backpack and pulled out the disc. “Here.” He inserted the disc into the projector on the table, and the flickering image of his parents was put on display.
Zeb took one look at the picture and started laughing. “Do they not have barber shops on Lothal or something? Who cut your hair?”
“Hey! I did that, it’s not that bad!”
“It’s definitely something,” Kanan chuckled.
“Be nice, you two. Especially you, Kanan,” Hera scolded, although the sparkle in her eyes confirmed that she was holding back a laugh of her own. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten what your hair looked like when we first met. I probably have a picture of it laying around somewhere.”
That shut Kanan up pretty quickly, but Zeb only laughed harder, which made Sabine start giggling too.
“So, everything’s still cool, right? Things aren’t weird now?”
“Kid, I’ve seen way too much of the galaxy to think that whatever business you have here with yourself is weird,” Zeb said.
“You can move stuff with your mind, so it doesn’t even land on your weirdness scale,” Sabine added.
Kanan rolled his eyes, but ultimately let the comment about the Force slide without correction. “It’s an honorable thing to let yourself be perceived as you are. It looks like you already know more about being a Jedi than I thought.”
“Oh. Okay, cool,” Ezra choked out. His eyes were burning, but refused to water.
Hera placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, it’s just…I’ve never told anyone before. Never really had anyone to tell. My parents were gone before I figured myself out, and it was never a good thing when people found out.”
“Well, you’re safe here with us,” she promised, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “This doesn’t change anything.”
Kanan, Zeb, Sabine, and even Chopper all voiced (or beeped) their agreement.
He nodded, not trusting his voice, and the tears finally started falling. She wrapped him up in a firm hug. He took a deep breath, relaxed, and hugged her back.
He could get used to this.