Chapter Text
There was something about the way she moved that made it impossible to avert the eyes. It was ordinary, like any other girl her age, with a slight but sure braveness to it, as if the whole world was their battle field. But she, however, managed to add a drop of an unresolved fear, that made his mind run miles before noticing that he lost minutes of his life searching for her across the room.
The heaviness of her body shifted from one foot to the other, right before she turned around to fight the eyes that dissected her. She was wary, a street cat who saw the ugliness of the world, ready to pulverize whoever was boring her with their thoughts — but she was merely two seconds too late. He was faster, more scoundrel than her.
Before she left to her own classroom, Mika Egashira scanned the room one more time, annoyed. Tsukasa Mukai pretended he was invisible, once again.
It felt weird; sticky. It’s a feeling he never even came across in his short life: a curiosity that scratches behind his ear, that whispers from time to time how much it doesn’t want to be forgotten. She, a frivolous teenage girl packet with all the things he considers inferior, managed to enlace his attention like no one else ever did.
All because her hair was millimeter brushed, not a single strand allowed to misbehave. All because her makeup was never smudged or out of place. All because pink made her feel mature rather than childish, a rule breaker he could never comprehend. All because she dared to challenge him and jump in the eye of the storm, showing in a simple phrase how much more worthy she was than him. All because he was a coward.
He didn’t want to accept the venomous truth that she’s different from what he thought, different from everything he thought he already knew about her. It annoyed him, crushing his pride as Mr. Right, the one that has the perfect perception of people.
But there was no way that was true. Not when the subject is Egashira Mika.
“Why are you so obsessed with this?” Asked Shima, on a late afternoon after prep school, when Mukai only wanted to focus on the food. He had a large cup of soda on one hand, while his head rested on the other, with his big fake puppy eyes.
Mukai grumbled. “I’m not,” he lied. “But don’t you think it’s weird?”
“What?”
Annoyance started to bubble up. “All of her. The fact that she thinks we won’t notice when she pretends she’s the perfect girl to everyone.”
Shima slurped the melted iced water on his cup, making the hair on Mukai’s nape fizz. “I agree that she was faking it at some point but…I think she’s pretty honest now.”
A scoff. “How can you say that?” Tsukasa crossed his arms in front of his body, like a tantrum child. “She’s lying to everyone. Do you think she told the girls about the rejection?” Shima looked confused for a second. “For God’s sake, your rejection. I bet she’s too proud to say a thing.”
In exchange, he received a long stare and another noisy slurp. “Would you ?”
“ Of course I would!”
Shima let out an ironic laugh. “Oh, please. You can’t even admit you have a crush right now.”
Mukai felt as if he was punched in the gut, the warmth of his blood sucked out. He felt betrayed, outraged. Exposed . “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“It’s just…” Sousuke dropped his cup back on the table, his back resting on the chair. “I don’t know if you noticed, but you talk about her constantly.” His friend scoffed in response. “And everytime you come to my class, you barely pay attention to what I’m saying because you’re too busy looking for her.”
“I’m judging her,” he argued. “It’s different.”
“No,” Shima slumped his body back on the table, as a challenger. “You judge me , not her .” Indignant, Mukai frowned. “I have known you for ages, it’s easy for me to understand your expressions now.
It was outrageous, he thought, now with eyes lost in the peeling paint of his bedroom walls. How could he, in his entirety, be fascinated by someone who he would normally despise? How dare Shima say such absurd , as if he would ever let his heart skip any beat at all for Egashira Mika — and her neatly trimmed nails, her hair fresh out of the salon, her too yellow sandals that she wore one day they all decided to go to the movies again. Or even her deep brown eyes, that expressed so much. Her real hearty laugh that expands on the school halls, such a rare noise to hear. Or the way she says his name, as if she knows him so well.
Stupid . Stupid Sousuke with his mind full of fantasies. It’s all his fault, and who else would it be? If he kept his mouth shut, Tsukasa would never be thinking how it would feel to hold her hands on a stupid summer afternoon after they went out on a stupid date that he stupidly invited her and —
Words suffocated by a smash of a pillow, covering the stubborn blush that creeped on his face. If she stayed quiet in her place, never confessed, never showing bravery, maybe he wouldn’t have to follow her everywhere with his eyes…