Chapter Text
Though now it stood as if it had always been there, Josephine’s office was makeshift—built into the crevices of the fortress halls, right before the entryway to the war room. She used the room to greet dignitaries on their way to the councils. By all means, it appeared comfortable for what it was, especially when the rest of Skyhold seemed so massive otherwise. Still, Cassandra would never feel at ease here. Diplomacy was hardly her strong suit.
“You called, Ambassador?” she asked from the doorway.
Josephine looked up from her desk. She was always writing down something or another. “Yes. Cassandra, I’d like to have a word with you.”
She approached her desk. “I’m listening.”
“As you know,” she said, “Corypheus’s defeat draws near. Now that things at the Grand Cathedral are beginning to calm down a bit, there is the matter of the Divine election.”
“I have been told as much.”
“Of which you are a potential candidate,” Josephine said, eyeing her.
“I have also been informed of that already.”
“Then I suppose the Inquisitor has also told you of our plans to have you elected?”
She frowned. “No. That’s the first I’ve heard of it. We discussed it briefly, though I was not aware the Inquisitor had taken action yet.”
“It was only recently decided—yesterday, during our daily council. I was told to assist in your election by any means possible, and while putting you on the Sunburst Throne is not entirely out of the question, there are…” she looked earnestly at her, “complications.”
“Such as?”
“Your reputation, for one. You may have once been championed as the Hero of Orlais, but it has been over a decade since then.”
“Is the Inquisition not one of the most well-respected organizations in Thedas?”
“One of the most notable, certainly. But not everyone approves of our methods, and many people see you in particular as brash and abrasive. It will take time—and many favors—to put you in a position to win the seat of the Divine.”
“You make it sound as if I have no control over this.”
“You would have more, but I doubt you’d want it.”
“Such as?”
“Well, for one, you could actually try to greet people who wish to see you. I have turned down many notable visitors in the past because you refused to see them. I know you have little interest in matters of the court, but allowing people see your face would go a long way in earning their trust.”
“More often, it has lead to their reproach.”
“You only have your temper to blame for that.”
“You think my personality is the reason they’ll refuse me?”
Josephine paused. “I…” She was rarely at a loss for words. “I believe that is a part of it, yes. Though I am certain we would have a much easier time if you were a little more cordial to your supporters. I know you respect only strength and sincerity, but those qualities alone are not enough to win you the position. The Chantry wants to know that you won’t try to solve all your problems with brute force.”
“Then how do I convince them?”
“With your words. Your carefully considered words.”
She grimaced. “You doubt I’m capable of that.”
“If you cannot even manage this much, then forget about becoming the Divine. You’ll have to deal with far more frivolous and far more numerous issues—and those cannot be solved by violence, either.”
“Enlighten me, then. How can I make myself… more agreeable?”
She looked to the side, frowned. “I suppose we could get you a tutor.”
“You mean to give me etiquette lessons.” She sighed. “Maker preserve us. I appreciate the concern, Lady Josephine, but I am not a child; my behavior is not something so easily changed.”
Her brow furrowed. “You wouldn’t even consider it?”
“I believe I know myself well enough to claim such things. I think you are correct—I would not consider myself socially adept in the least—but I disagree with your methods.”
“I didn’t have that many methods to begin with. If there is no one to teach you, then how can you expect to change? Just telling you what to do wouldn’t accomplish anything on its own.”
“Are you sure those are our only options, though? A tutor, or nothing at all?”
Josephine gestured helplessly with one hand. “I mean… I suppose I could… if only to reduce the risk of you injuring someone.”
“You could what?”
“I could… give you guidance,” she said, reluctantly. “If you’d like. I cannot claim to be a better teacher than an actual hired tutor, but at least I’m a familiar face.”
“You?”
“Is there a problem with that?”
“You’re going to teach me how to behave?”
“If that is what you want, Cassandra. I won’t force you into an arrangement you aren’t comfortable with.”
“What do I have to do?”
Josephine stood up and started to organize the papers on her desk. “Come back here, I suppose. I’ll lend you some books and… we’ll see what happens from there.”
“That is a surprisingly informal arrangement, coming from you.”
“I doubt you would have settled for any less. Oh…” She cast a look out the window. “Lady Derwood should be here by now. I have to take my leave, but if you’re interested come back tomorrow, and we’ll discuss the matter then.”
“All…” Josephine was out the door before Cassandra could even finish, “right.” She frowned as the door closed behind her.
This was a terrible idea, wasn’t it.
She supposed Josephine wasn’t expecting to see her back so soon.
“Cassandra?” Josephine asked when she entered her office the next day.
“You said we would continue this conversation, did you not?” she said, standing in front of the desk. There were three books on the desk, each one some manner of behavioral reference.
“I… suppose I did.”
“Don’t make such an uncomfortable face,” Cassandra muttered. “At least give me credit for coming back.”
She put her papers away, and stood up. “Let me offer you a seat, then. This might take some time…”
“You said you had books?”
“You’re a good reader,” Josephine said as she dragged an armchair up to the other side of desk. “I figured they might help.”
“Do you need help with that?”
“I’ll be fine, but thank you.”
She sat down. “What am I meant to glean from these books?”
“As little or as much as you want. They’re references for courtly manners. Some of the information is a little outdated, but you’ll still want to keep them in mind when you’re dealing with the nobility as Divine.”
“Give me an example.”
She leaned back and sighed. “Let me think… When you’re offered food or drink by the host of the gathering, you accept it, even if you have reason to believe it’s poisoned. You don’t have to consume it in the host’s presence, but they will take offense if you refuse it outright.”
“I knew that.”
“But do you do it, or are you simply numbly aware of it?”
She grumbled. “These slights of behavior have nothing to do with the actual politics of the Chantry.”
“But people will be more inclined to listen to you if they respect you.”
“By your logic, a well-mannered idiot would be more suited to take the Sunburst Throne.”
“And it is precisely that attitude that is going to destroy your chances of obtaining it in the first place! I know you have your reservations about the Game—”
“They are more than mere reservations, Ambassador—”
“But you can’t change the fact that it exists, and you know that. A well-mannered idiot wouldn’t be any more suited to the throne, but she would be the more likely choice. Idiots are tractable and easily manipulated by others.”
“So you’re telling me to act like an idiot?”
“I’m telling you to disguise your intentions.”
She scoffed. “This is going nowhere.”
“Think of it as a game of Wicked Grace. You never want to reveal your hand unless it is absolutely advantageous for you to do so.”
Josephine was admittedly skilled at Wicked Grace.
“Then what should I do instead?”
“If you are averse to outright lying, you speak around the truth. If you cannot manage that, you avoid the subject. You will be surrounded by people with ulterior motives; these are problems you will be dealing with for the rest of your reign—and very likely for the rest of your life.” She frowned a bit. “Did you never speak to Leliana about these matters?”
“I handled the Divine’s military operations, not her reconnaissance ones. I was never expected to do Leliana’s work. And it is hardly as if she is any more sociable.”
“If you knew her while she was still a bard, you would disagree.” She paused again. “But, getting back to the matter, you’ll need to learn to be more indirect. For instance, how would you try to convince someone that you’re the best candidate in for the Sunburst Throne?”
“I…” She hesitated. She was honestly reluctant to take on the position, though she was determined to do so if chosen. “I suppose I would try to tell them of my planned reforms.”
“But what if they aren’t particularly interested in your reforms? What if they were interested in something else?”
“Like what?”
“Like your connections to the Inquisition. To Leliana, or to the Herald of Andraste.”
“Then I suppose I would have to trade favors for this person’s support.”
“Suppose you don’t know what they want, though. How would you learn what would make him or her interested in supporting you?”
“I… I would ask.”
“And if they aren’t willing to tell?”
She frowned. “Why would I be asking someone if they were so reluctant to tell me?”
“Perhaps this person is necessary for your election. Perhaps it’s someone who will be voting!”
Threats were the first thing that came to mind, but she had the sense that Josephine wouldn’t want to hear it. “I suppose I would ask other people who were more willing to speak about this person’s interests, and then approach them once I had secured the necessary information.”
Josephine smiled. Maker have mercy. When was the last time had Josephine smiled at her? “So you do understand. The only question is, how would you win those people over?”
“Very likely by losing my temper at how far down the ladder I’d have to go,” she said through her teeth. “Your ways are almost needlessly roundabout.”
“You and Leliana both say that, but they are effective, and sometimes they are the best solution. Alliances sustained over time are more likely to last than those forged in the heat of the moment. Perhaps an ally will forget one favor that you did for them, but they cannot forget all of them at once.” Josephine stacked the three books on her desk on top of each other and slid them over to her. “At any rate, you seem to have a good enough understanding of how diplomacy works.”
“It is hardly an obscure practice,” she said, taking the books into her hands. “I only lack the necessary patience for it.”
“Are you willing to develop it, though?”
“If I must.”
“Good,” she said, and smiled again. “Madame de Malmaison is arriving next week.”
She blanched. “Excuse me?”
“I said, Madame de…”
“I heard what you said. Why are you having me talk to her, of all people?”
“Madame de Malmaison is one of your staunchest supporters.”
“I know that.”
“Then what is your problem with her?”
“You invited her; you know exactly what my problem is. Malmaison’s intentions are hardly pure.”
“She isn’t going to do anything to you.”
She stood up and turned to leave. “Ugh,” she said, shaking her head, “If I’d heard that she was coming, I would’ve made sure to be absent that week…”
“Are you coming to the meeting?”
She barely turned around. “Don’t be ridiculous. That woman is a stain on my conscience.”
“Cassandra…”
“You don’t know her the way I know her.” Cassandra headed for the door.
She heard Josephine stand up. “Cassandra, she can help you.”
Cassandra opened the door. “I don’t want her help.”
“Wait!” Josephine followed her into the main hall. “I’m not suggesting that you have to bargain with her.”
“Good, because I would have never agreed to it.” She walked outside, Josephine trailing behind her.
“All you have to do is be there. You can greet her, and then you can excuse yourself and leave.”
Cassandra came to a stop. “Really? That is all you ask?”
“I know very well that you hate her,” Josephine said. “But trust me, when you become an elected official, you are going to have to deal with multitudes of people that you hate. It is better for you to learn to deal with it now, while you still have training dummies you can vent your frustrations on, than later, when the only dummies around are the people you’re trying to work with. The ones filled with straw are much more forgiving when you hit them.”
The rest of her week was spent clearing out Venatori camps in the Hissing Wastes—a thankless job, made even more thankless by the presence of Sera and Dorian both. Why the Inquisitor always thought to put the three together, she would never understand. She knew that Dorian, at least, preferred Iron Bull’s company. Or perhaps that was why they were kept apart.
They took their supper at a camp in the mountains, though the altitude did little to keep them away from the sands.
“So I heard Madame de Malmaisy’s comin’ to Skyhold,” said Sera, after choking down the rest of the water in her flask. The air dried one’s throat out within minutes, and if they were not adequately prepared, they would find themselves dehydrated in the middle of an unforgiving desert.
“Is that someone I should know about?” asked Dorian, seated on a rock beside her.
“She’s one of Empress Celene’s ex-lovers,” Cassandra offered, sitting across from them.
“Though I heard Celene’s not her type,” said Sera.
“Then who?” said Dorian.
“She prefers her women…” Sera stared at Cassandra. "A bit tougher than that.”
Dorian looked at Sera, and then at her. “Does this have something to do with the Divine elections?”
"I believe so,” said Cassandra. “Madame de Malmaison is notoriously self-indulgent. It’s very likely that she’s coming over to flaunt her influence at the Inquisition, and then make some preposterous demand of me in exchange for her support.”
“Which you’re going to refuse, of course,” said Dorian.
“What other choice do I have?”
“You could agree.”
She glared at him. “I’m not interested in her.”
“That never stopped anybody.”
“Josephine wants me to be there,” Cassandra continued. “She wants me to make my presence known, and then leave. For what purpose I do not know, but I’m assuming she has some kind of plan.”
“Probably tryin’ to make nice, yeah? Twist the madame’s arm a bit?” said Sera.
“So she wants to use me as bait. Wonderful.”
“Josephine is going to use you as bait to win you your own election?” Dorian asked, grinning.
“I won’t question her methods if they work.”
“It’s not the methods I’m surprised at—it’s the people. I always knew you had female admirers, Cassandra, but I never suspected them to be so… prominent. Our Seeker? Popular with the ladies?”
She groaned in anticipation of his next words. “Enough, Dorian. I enjoy being fawned over by women even less than you do.”
“Oh, but I do enjoy it! Except for the part where I have to smash their little hearts into pieces…”
“At least they misinterpret your intentions. Mine are fully aware of what they’re doing.”
“That’s because you let them bother you. Take it all in stride, and the novelty of pestering you will go away. You only have yourself to blame for being so irresistible.”
“Their vulgar behavior is the fault of no one but themselves,” said Cassandra, tightly.
“Perhaps, but knowing that won’t make them go away, will it?” said Dorian.
“Then would you rather I direct them toward you?”
“Oh, Cassandra—your admirers would want nothing to do with me.”
“All the better, then. I want nothing to do with them, either.”
“But maybe Josie’s onto something,” said Sera, after a moment. “Maybe you could use ‘em for something other than target practice.”
She made a disgusted noise. “I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.”
“What? Put on a show?” Sera thought about it. “It’s got merit, I’ll admit.”
“No.”
“For real, though. I mean, if Dorian can win girls over without having to commit, then you probably could too. If you could get over the whole ‘anger management’ thing.”
“And it’s such a useful skill!” he said brightly. “You’d be able to sidestep so many more awkward situations, if you only used your height and good looks to your advantage.”
“This conversation is ridiculous,” Cassandra said.
Sera and Dorian looked at each other.
“I don’t think so,” said Sera.
“Me either,” said Dorian. “Perhaps it isn’t in your personality, but even if you were completely insincere about it, I'm sure they’d still be charmed.”
“You mean, if I behaved the way I normally did, but still interacted with them,” said Cassandra.
“Precisely! It is your abrasive, moody countenance that turns them on, after all. If you were an absolute delight to speak to, you would lose your whole appeal.”
“You’re making it sound as if they are actually attracted to my unpleasant qualities.”
“That’s exactly what he means,” said Sera.
“Maker preserve us,” Cassandra said, incredulous. “There are women who are in love with me because I am temperamental and prone to violence.”
“It’s sexy,” said Dorian, “if you know how to flaunt it.”
“I think it’s hot,” said Sera. “I mean. Sometimes. Maybe not with you, though; I know you too good.”
Cassandra stood up and looked around. “Where is the next Venatori camp? If we keep this up for any longer, they’re going to ambush us.”
Just then, an arrow whistled through the air past her face, and she had never been more grateful to narrowly avert death.
The day they arrived back at Skyhold, Cassandra had all but forgotten about Sera and Dorian’s plans for her. She had not neglected Malmaison’s arrival date, but she had her reputation on the mind more than anything else. Josephine was right—if Malmaison was not appeased, then she could make Cassandra’s prospects for the position of Divine seem much less feasible. Her mind flitted briefly to Dowager Beauharnais, who had been a supporter of the Nevarran royal family for years, but Beauharnais had all but vanished from the Orlesian court. If not women, then perhaps she could appeal to men.
As she carried that thought with her outside onto the fortress grounds, she ran into Josephine. And almost knocked her over.
“My apologies, Ambassador; I didn’t see you.”
“Oh, I am terribly sorry…” She shook her head, regaining her balance. “Cassandra?”
“We only just came back.”
“From the Hissing Wastes, correct? You look a little thinner than before. Are you eating well?”
“I will be fine.”
“Good. Madame de Malmaison arrives tomorrow—in the afternoon, I was told.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“You don’t need to stay for very long, only enough to make your presence felt. I will take care of the rest. Maker willing, she will cooperate, and we can all be rid of her that much sooner.”
“What did you have planned for her, exactly?”
“Oh… There’s some dispute between her and and some Fereldan arl. They’ve been squabbling for decades now. I think it was over a duel? Mercy, my memory shouldn’t be failing me at this age… Though what she really wants is protection from the Red Templars. She lives right along the western border of the Emprise du Lion, and though we captured Suledin, she doesn’t live close enough to take advantage of it. Since she is a… fervent supporter of you personally, she is seen as somewhat of a target by the Venatori, and with Orlais still recovering from the civil war, Celene has little to offer her. She considers herself vulnerable.”
“That doesn’t sound like it would be difficult to arrange.”
“It isn’t. I’m only worried that it won’t be enough.”
“And that’s where I come in.”
“I’m not asking for much—a few sympathetic words here and there, but patience, mostly, and quiet. I won’t ask you to charm her.”
Cassandra bristled.
Josephine noticed her movement. “Was there a problem with what I said?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s nothing.”
“That was a strange reaction to nothing.”
“Sera and Dorian had a little fun at my expense during our patrols in the Wastes. It is nothing to concern yourself with.”
“Then you will definitely going to be at the meeting tomorrow?”
“I will show up, but I won’t make any promises.”
“Try to appear presentable,” was the last thing she said before she left.
“Presentable,” Cassandra snarled into her drink.
The rest of the day had been terrible. Thanks to the impending visit, she could barely focus on her training, and though she had received good news in the form of a letter from a fellow Seeker, she could not even bring herself to answer it. The prospect of seeing Malmaison had left her in a progressively worse mood.
Fortunately, there was always the bar.
“She wants me to be ‘presentable’ for someone I don’t like, to win me a position I didn’t ask for, to please someone who shouldn’t even be in charge.”
She heard a voice from the other end of the counter. “That’s some pretty strong wording, don’t you think, Seeker?”
She didn’t budge. “Pretend you didn’t hear that, Varric.”
“I was just about to leave.”
Cassandra looked up at him as he approached the door. “Wait.”
“Now what?” Varric turned to face her.
“Varric. You know of lying and self-expression.”
“That’s… one way of putting it, yeah.” He hovered by the doorway of the tavern. “What's the matter?”
“Josephine said I must make a good impression around Madame de Malmaison, but I can’t stand her.”
Varric began walking toward her. “Oh, I don’t know if I can help you with that,” he said, cracking a grin. “I can bluff, but I can’t fake being pleasant. I’m pretty sure Ruffles is the only one of us who can manage that.”
“You’re a writer. You assume other people’s identities in your work. Surely you can conceive of how I am supposed to behave around this woman.”
He leaned against the counter. “How does Ruffles expect you to behave?”
“I don’t know. Well, I suppose,” she said lamely. “Sera and Dorian suggested that I should… charm her.”
“Sparkler and Buttercup?”
“And would you please stop referring to them by those ridiculous names.”
“Wait.” He waved his hands. “What’s going on here? Why are you all so interested in this… Madame de Malmaison?”
“Did you not hear? The Inquisitor plans to make me Divine.”
“Did the Inquisitor say that?”
“Yes, and Josephine is seeing the plan through to fruition. Inviting Malmaison over for talks was apparently part of that.”
“Who is she, exactly?”
“She has been a supporter of the Chantry for several years, now, but only because she is personally interested in me. If it were up to me, I would have contacted Dowager Beauharnais instead, but she seems to be occupied with her own affairs.”
“’Personally interested’ as in…?”
“Unflatteringly obsessed. She was an ex-lover of Empress Celene’s, and I am sure she would like to bed me as well.”
“That’s… unfortunate. And Ruffles wants you to play nice for diplomacy’s sake; am I getting that right?”
“It would be better if I were not required to show up at all, but Josephine wants me to learn how to deal with people, or else I will be ill-prepared for the responsibilities of the Divine.”
“She’s got a point.”
Cassandra glared at him.
“What? You have a bad temper. You know that. If she thinks she can help you with it, then good for her.”
“So?”
“So… What?”
“What do you think I should do?”
“You’re asking me for advice?”
“Speak now, Varric, or I will regret having done so.”
“All right, all right.” He sighed. “Let me see here… So you have to talk to this Madame de Malmaison, who’s probably going to be acting in a way that pisses you off, without trying to strangle her.” He thought for a moment. “Nah, I got nothing.”
“Varric.”
“Give me a minute, OK? It’s not like I can come up with these things on the spot… Why don’t you just, I don’t know, tell her how much you value her support, or something.” He shrugged. “You may not always see eye to eye, but you appreciate what she’s doing for you, and… you hope you can both continue to benefit from this clearly very positive and healthy relationship, yadda yadda; the Inquisition will see that she’s compensated for her assistance. How’s that?”
She thought about it. “So you are useful for something, every now and then.”
“Yeah, if you can manage to remember all of that in your frothing rage.”
“According to Josephine, Malmaison may be crucial to my success. I don’t have a choice if I am to become the Divine.”
“But do you actually want to become the Divine? Or are you just going to keep talking about how it’s your ‘duty’ to suck up to people you don’t even like?”
“I am not selfish enough to sabotage my own chances. And besides, those who desire the position too much are unlikely to make the best decisions for the Chantry in the long run. I believe I am a good candidate, if nothing else.”
Varric chuckled dryly. “You can’t stand the thought of being happy, can you? It’s like you’re allergic to it.”
“I will be happy when I am satisfied with my work.”
“Which is never.” He stood up. “All right, now I’m really out of here.” He waved as he passed through the doorway. “Good luck with your meeting, Seeker. You’ll need it.”
The next morning she woke up with a terrible headache, and it was not the kind that signaled a hangover.
Nerves. It was nerves. After washing up, she headed to the dining hall to take her breakfast and made everyone around her somewhat uncomfortable.
“Cassandra, you look like you want to kill someone,” said a voice from beside her.
She turned. It was Sera, seated beside her on the bench. “Don’t I always?”
“Yeah, but it looks like it’s gonna be a bloodbath today. You really that shook up about this?”
“I am uncomfortable, yes,” she said, stabbing at her breakfast with noted displeasure. “Madame de Malmaison arrives today, and I am still not emotionally prepared for it. I fear I may compromise Josephine’s plans if I am too clumsy.”
“Just grit your teeth and bear it. She doesn’t even expect you to be around for that long—only enough to make it seem like you actually care.”
“A moment is all I need to ruin it for her.”
“What’s the worst that you could do? Other than the obvious, I mean.”
“Offend her. Disturb her. Maker knows; I can never tell what they’re thinking about me.” She dropped her fork in disgust. “I don’t spend enough time exchanging pleasantries to understand all these obscure signals.”
“You don’t need to. They all hate each other anyhow.”
“Then why do they even bother to feign goodwill? It seems like such a waste.”
“Don’t ask me.”
Cassandra went on, irritated. “Even Dorian is blatantly facetious, and yet he’s still one of the most popular members of the Inquisition. Were he in my place, I’m sure he’d have the madame’s support as well as half of her estate, and on top of which he’ll have insulted her and her family in multiple ways before the conversation was over.”
“Well…” said Sera, and stared very hard at nothing in particular. “He might be a bit of a shit, but you could learn from him.”
“I have more respect for others than he does.”
“What’s the point, though? No one in Orlais’s honest; you’re the only one of ‘em who doesn’t want to lie.”
Cassandra frowned. “What are you suggesting?”
“I weren’t suggestin’ nothin’. Just… ‘observin’,’ as you people like to say. Dorian gets people to talk because he’s a big fat liar, and you don’t because you care about values.”
“They’re important.”
“So’s becoming the Divine.”
Cassandra stood up. “I’m done. If I continue to talk about this, I will only worry myself sick.”
When she left, she headed straight for the training grounds. Today was going to be a very long day.