Chapter Text
Letters From My Lover
Day 1
It was a bright and early morning. You could feel the warm sun in your skin as you get out to get the mails and the newspaper. As you went through the mails. A car drove by and stop at where you are standing.
It was Hanje and she looks upset. You ask what up with the frown. She told you that Levi died and there was some letters that she is holding.
You tell her that she must be joking. That she and Levi are pulling his leg. She hands you a certificate and it a death certificate of Levi.
“No this is not happening. No why? Just why?” you said as the tears are starting threatening to spills.
“I dont know. I just don't know why it happen or why Levi kept it as a secret from us but all i know is that Erwin was there at his last moments and his last breath”. She said
“What” You are angry by that piece of information. “what did we do that Levi decide to keep it a secret?” you yelled at her.
“I dont know EREN. How can i know? Even Erwin doesn't know until that final day. Okay” she also yelled at you.
Then she said softly while a tear starts to fall then suddenly starts to cry.
“How can I know? All I know that these letters are for you”. She slowly hand it over you.
“Here, Erwin told me that when Levi handed these letters he was smiling”. She added.
You take them gently afraid that they might crumble. That they are a precious treasure that needs to be handled with upmost care.
Slowly you turn and said “ Lets get inside the house and read them”.
“No I can't. I need to prepare His funeral alongside with Erwin” She tells you. “ I will call you about it and the date Okay”.
And all you can do is nod. You stand there looking those letters and you hear her leaving. Leaving you alone with your thoughts and emotions. But Slowly you go back to the house. To read them and wonder what might it contains. You close the door and headed to the kitchen and sit in the dining table thinking about those letters that Levi sent you.
You open the First one dated after a few months when both of you graduate from college.
Letter 1.
Eren.
How are you? Can you believe that we have separated with our life. Are you happy with him? Are you well? well i am doing my best in life. And what it offers to me I still remember those time where we are laughing and making jokes at people. Ha! I still remember and what about you? do you? Anyways i hope you are happy.
-Levi
P.S Stay strong Idiot.
You smiled at that it was simply and touching and as you mind drifted to those memories of you both doing idiotic and yet struggling for good marks. And then met your future lover. Levi was supportive at you and your love life. And now you wonder if he ever did found someone in his life. You place it back and pick the second. Dated after 3 months after the first.
Letter 2.
Eren.
Hey, how are you? I hope you are fine. I always remember you even though you are not here. Are you happy? even though I am not but I am trying too. Its hard in trying but I have too. I heard that you are going somewhere That is good i hope that you enjoy those adventure. I am working hard to achieve the goals that i have wanted. I can almost reach them I hope you are proud of me even though it is not much But I am Really trying. Until next time.
-Levi
P.S Always remember me dipshit.
You smiled at that one too but he said he is not happy that concerns you and what is he trying and about what! his happiness or his way to achieved his goals. Suddenly you feel anger consuming you because of him not telling you things that is bothering him but you remember that its Levi so obviously he will keep things hidden. like his recent death. But he heard the vacation you went with your lover. How did he know. You wonder because only Hanje knows about it when they accidentally run at each other. Oh maybe she was the one who told Levi. After all Hanje was his relative. Soon you calm yourself down and reached the third letter. It was dated after 4 months after the second.
Letter3.
Eren
How was your adventure? Was it good and enjoyable? I heard from Hange that you enjoyed it. That is good. I hope you are happy I got nothing to ask or write but I hope you are happy.
-Levi
P.S I miss you dumb ass
Yep definitely Hanje. You scoff when Levi wrote he misses you. I mean that can't he not sent these letters to you.You will definitely visit him. He is the dumb ass here. But why these word are tearing your chest so painfully and why he kept asking if you are happy. As you reached the fourth one which is dated after 9 months. You realised that how he knew so much about you while you knew so little. But as you read the 4th one.
Letter 4
I heard you are starting a family. Wow that a huge step I am surprise by that notion But as long you are happy that is all matters right!!!?? haha I got no one in my life right now but there is someone in my mind actually that person has been in my mind for a long time but that doesn't matter right now. Hope you are happy.
-Levi
P.S Good luck.
Okay he has someone on his mind. Wow that is a surprise, you wonder who it is. And he heard about that too. But the only thing that is bothering you is who is this lucky person that haunts him and then you scream.
“Levi you Idiot It does matter to me”.
You never felt so green with envy right now. But it is too late now, you cant do anything and you hope he will explain it in the next letter. The 5th was dated 5 months after the 4th.
Letter 5.
Eren
Hey i finally achieved those goals that I wanted. I am now Complete but somehow there is something missing and i don't feel like celebrating without you here with me. Yes i know i am cheesy and corny but what can i do brat, I am a closet romantic at heart and right now I am not denying it. Are you Happy? I hope you are.
-Levi
P.S You are a dork. Don't forget it.
Ah! his high ambitious goals that he keeps telling you about it with such passion in his eyes. You remember that day. It was the best and that he is willing to share a piece of him with you. You laugh at the memory when he denies that he was a romantic fool while watching a romance movies marathon with you. He kept denying the fact and then you told him that he is in the closet therefore a closet romantic. You smiled by those silly memories you shared with him. Oh! how can you forget about everything about him. Soon you reach the 6th which is dated after 8 months gap
Letter 6.
Dear Eren
I miss you Eren. I really do there is something I wanted to tell you but I don't have the guts too. And when I do its too late I hope you will not be disappointed in me. I hope you are Happy with your life
-levi
P.S I really miss you a lot.
Huh! something he wanted to tell me. What? why? Its too late. It is too LATE. He died without you knowing anything and of course you are disappointed because he left without a word. Fresh hot tears streaming from your face. You want to deny it you really wanted too. But now its too late for everything. You wipe your tears aggressively while reaching the 7th letter you stop and remember that 7 is his favourite number and then all the memories you share came rushing back new hot tears are streaming in your face. You tried to calm down thinking only the happy moment but all that does is worse as the pain in your chest increases. Soon you stop. Feeling worse than wear you decided that you will read the letters another time for now all you want to do is cry because He died and why you do not know.
You carry on with your life, your work and interaction with the family. You told them what had happen and your lover and family feels sympathetic towards you but your lover know that you are grief stricken that Levi died. He knows how close you two are and he knows something about you that you kept hidden it from Levi.
Day 2
Hanje called the next day and that the funeral is held today. All of our classmate will be there. Our batch is called The Recon/The Survey Crops or more likely the Scouting Legions We dubbed ourselves with that name during our stay in our college. With Erwim, Hange, Levi, Mike,Thomas, Misaki, Jean, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Petra, Olou, Gunther, Eld, Nanaba, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Marco, Historia, Ymir and others.
You remember how they are a lively bunch but the news it hit them hard. As You arrive you saw all your classmate, some are crying, some are shock that He died, some look angry but most look upset. As you enter you went straight to his coffin and there he lies peacefully. You could feel all eyes on you. You could hear the murmurs and you feel that something is amiss.
Like you don't know why but there is something you cant put into words as you look at Him. His peaceful face like how he will look while sleeping, his same short undercut hair and how silky when you touch it. How his still young face is the same after 5 year from then until now. Like how He still manage to look the same but the only difference is that he is daed. Gone, No more in this world among the living.
“He is still the same stubborn man as before”. A familiar voice to your left. As you look the owner you found yourself looking at a very tall, blonde hair, blue eye person. This said person is the last one to speak to Levi.
“Well I wouldn't know because on this dying day he was with you” you spoke in anger and the tears are starting to spill from your eyes as you continue.
“Why didn't you tell me? Couldn’t you just give a call or a message that he is dying”. Angry tears are running “Why did he choose you instead of me?” Finally you asked.
“I also wouldn't know. I also happen to know on his last day that he was dying and i was angry at him for keeping us in the dark. Don't you think i wouldn't inform you all and because the fact that he was working with me and still he manage to keep it hidden from me. To say i was in shock upon knowing that his 5 months off was suppose to be a vacation instead of trips to the hospital”.
Erwin said a voice full of emotions but most of it was regret.
“Sorry It just that I expect our reunion should be a happy one not this” You say in a tone of hurt and sadness.
“I know and He knew but at his dying moments all he talks about you and did you read all his letters.”
“No only two more remaining” you said
“You should read it now. Go quick we will bury him tomorrow because there is an important piece of information”. Erwin tells you while shoving you outside.
“Wait! what? Hey I just got here”
“I know” was all he says “but there is something i need to tell you but you need to read those letters first”.
“Okay,okay stop shoving me” Erwin lets go and smile at you but a bitter one.
“I hope you not too upset after reading those last letters”. He says. Now you started to worry at what it contains. You quickly drove to get to the house and starts to read it. It was 2 months before the last one and it say
Letter 7
Dear Eren
In the last letter I wanted to tell you something. Well here goes nothing I Love you. There I have said or in this case wrote it. I know I am a coward for not telling you sooner or personally but there is something going on with me like I might be dying. Yes, Eren I might and I am not joking. These three months I have gone regular check up and the doc did not find anything till recently. I don't know what it is even the doc but its something and I know I'm dying Eren. And the only thing in my mind is that you are happy now with your life and with him and that is the only thing that matters. I hope you are happy Eren.
-Levi
P.S I can finally be free to say/write I Love you.
WHAT you read the letter over and over and over and still you cannot believe it he loves you. Levi Loves you and you didn't know and now you do it already too late and here it seems that even now he still trust you and that you are his number one top list to inform about himself. Fresh tears rolls in your face as you scream “Why?” over and over again and again and kept pulling your hair from its roots as you are down on your knees. Crying and crying and in your mind the only one thought is that He loves you.
You cried till you are exhausted and somehow you manage to sleep on the same spot earlier but you need to finished reading the last letter. It was dated one week before his death
Last letter.
Eren
If you read this then that means that I dead. But for one last time I Love You with all my heart and my life. There is no chance that i will ever fell for another like How I fall in love with you. Hope that you are happy with him Sorry that I cant be him but also know that i will always be your. The scars that you have left me in my heart will always be there and it will be yours forever it saddens me that i could not say this sooner or earlier. But know that I will always give you a chance in my life.
But yet I hope you will continue your happy life with him while I am away. When you told me that you love him I was devastated and heart broken the day he confess to you was also the day i wanted to tell you how i feel toward you but he wins while I stand in the sideline watching you and you being happy. I hope you are.
Note that nothing will ever replace you in inside my heart. Please don't forget me while you are in love with him. I know that this is selfish but i wish you will always remember me. Always try to remember all the fun memories of me even the good and the bad. Because i will always cherish these thoughts. These will make me alive if i ever feel down.
I want to believe that you once loved me but i don't know if i want to believe that. I know you said you love me while I was asleep but I pretend i didn't hear it that maybe i was imaging thing. But i know for certain that no matter what I Will Always Love You. My Sweet Cupcakes but i will always remember you.
Yours Truly Levi
Your Honeydew
P.S I will always love you .
Oh my God why? Why? yes You love him too. Why you were so afraid to love him? Why did you ignore him? Why did you do that to Levi? God Why?
"I am so sorry Levi so so sorry". You ran back to where Levi’s body lay.
It was dark but you ran back. Why did y ourun away from him back then. You were stupid. He was not the coward you are.
You burst in and went straight to Levi there was no one and you didn't see anyone. You cried hard, harder than anything in your life as you are screaming his name
“Levi Levi Levi LEVI Why didn't you tell me. I am so sorry please tell me the truth. I want to hear it from you and I want to hear your voice. Levi Please come back please PLEASE”. Your voice crack at the end while screaming and shouting His name like a mantra .
“Your so stupid, idiotic dumbass dork but I am the one to blame here” You said softly “I'm the idiot who let you go” in such a soft whisper that only the air can carry those word to him.
“I Love you Levi sorry it took so long”.
You took a chair and sat by him looking at him while wishing for the things you have done, have said but most importantly it is too late now there is nothing you can do except expecting to die.