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“Are you nervous?” Miri asked.
Kazuki whipped his head around to look at her from his position in front of the standing mirror. She was perched on the window, the sequins on her light pink dress twinkling in the sun. She kept fiddling with the loose petals in her basket (trying to stave off the temptation to start tossing them around until the right time came) while watching her dad undo and redo his cufflinks countless times, seemingly lost in thought.
Kazuki shot his brightest smile at her, “Why would I be nervous? Your papa and I have been together for years already. It’s a formality more than anything.” And they were technically already married, having filled out the certificate online before actually having the ceremony. Not that Miri could ever know that. She’d been so delighted talking about her papas getting married for months! There was no way they could ruin the fun of the wedding by telling her same-sex marriage wasn’t exactly legal in Japan yet. So they’d made the necessary arrangements. Kazuki and Rei had had a meeting to get the certificate signed from abroad beforehand to make sure it could all go off without a hitch. The ceremony itself was something of a formality but getting ready for it now, the event suddenly felt a lot more hefty than the digital signature he’d penned only a few days prior.
Miri puffed out her cheeks, a habit she still hadn’t grown out of even as she was nearing her double digits, “Of course you’d be nervous! It’s a special day! Papa Kazuki and Papa Rei are about to be married! You’ll walk down the aisle and kiss and cut the cake and dance-”
“And then we’ll go back home just the three of us just like always,” Kazuki had moved on from his cufflinks to untying and retying his tie. It somehow looked worse every time.
“That’s why you need to go on the honeymoon!” Miri yelled indignantly, “You can’t get married without one!”
Kazuki shot her a comically puzzled look, “I don’t think there’s a rulebook anywhere. Besides we are going on a honeymoon, we’re just waiting til Miri has time off school, right?”
“Papa Kazuki doesn’t understand anything! Heartless! I can’t believe Papa Rei can marry someone so- so-” she grappled for the words, “Not romantic! Stupid Papa!” And it seems she couldn’t find them.
Kazuki stepped away from the mirror. He loved deflecting but not to the point of making Miri mad, especially not on a day they’d all been looking forward to so much. He reached out to brush some hair behind her ear as she huffed and refused to make eye contact.
“You know, maybe I am a little nervous…” He’d been putting on his usual impassive smile and acting normal. He knew that this wouldn’t change anything. Not really. They’d still live in their house, work their cafe, take turns getting Miri to school, and sleep in their same bed together. But as the days wore on and the wedding drew nearer, papers signed, flowers bought, what few invitations they had to sent spread to the wind, it all started to feel real . And Kazuki was desperately trying to suppress any feelings of guilt towards Yuzuko. That he’d let her down, that he’d moved on too soon, that he still didn’t deserve to move on at all. Those thoughts had been tempered by the years he’d spent as a family with Rei and Miri and with all the kindness Karin had shown him since they’d both lost her.
But in place of those old doubts, new ones sprung up. What if Rei decided he couldn’t do this? What if Rei had only wanted this because he’s just not had the chance to see what else is out there yet? He’s only been truly free of the Suwa name for a few years, was that not enough time to have figured out that he has much better options than Kazuki? Did Kazuki even deserve this?
And worse yet, the bone-deep fears. The ones that never truly go away no matter how much Kazuki tries to lose himself in the minutia of a peaceful daily life. The fears that whisper to him when he can’t fall asleep: how long can this really last? Will the penny drop? When will his past finally catch up with him? It all seems far too good to be true sometimes. A perfect dream that they’ve all worked to make real for themselves but that could be shattered in a single moment.
He stared at Miri, thoughts swirling, eyes clouded with worry. And as he looked into her warm brown eyes, he finally felt his thoughts start to ease. He slipped on a smile again. “I’m nervous about a lot of things. What if I trip going down the aisle? Or if Papa Rei didn’t write any vows? What if everyone’s too distracted by Miri being so cute that no one looks at me?”
Miri laughed at him, and he felt his doubts start to retreat back to their hidden corners. “That’s so silly, Papa. If they look at me, I’ll just throw flowers at you and Papa Rei so they know where to look instead!”
Kazuki pinched her cheek, “My Miri is so smart.”
He pulled her by her hand off the window sill and twirled her around. Miri giggled as her dress fanned out. As he was about to pull her into his arms the door cracked open.
“Kazuki,” Rei said in his typical deadpan, “It’s almost time.”
Kazuki looked over and stopped in his tracks. Rei had worn suits all the time when they’d been assassins but since they’d traded that in for a quieter life, the man had stuck to plain t-shirts and sweaters more often than not. His suit matched Kazuki’s. White jacket and slacks. They’d both opted to wear vests as well. Both their lapels were adorned with pink rose corsages (for Miri of course). Only their ties differed with Kazuki wearing a deep blue and Rei a sunny red. Rei’s suit was perfectly fitted and though they’d gone to pick them out together, Kazuki didn’t think he’d look quite this good at the fitting. He wanted to drop a casual flirty remark to pretend his mouth hadn’t gone dry at the sight but he was interrupted by a loud yell from Miri,
“NO! NO! NO! NO!” And she rushed across the room towards Rei trying to push him out the door, “You can’t see each other yet, that’s the rule!”
Rei, who’d never been to a wedding before in his life, had grown used to hearing these supposed rules from Miri in the months leading up to the wedding. (And sometimes from Kazuki too when he was in his Groomzilla mode but he’d never admit it). So Rei was content to let Miri’s small hands guide him back into the hallway.
“See you in a minute!” Kazuki called out after them.
—
Despite having settled into “normal” life, Kazuki and Rei really saw no reason to have an overly extravagant wedding. For one, as a consequence of their abrupt exit from the criminal world, they really did not have many people they stayed in contact with. Aside from Kyutaro, there was no one left from that world who knew anything about them. And they’d invited Anna-chan not just for Miri but because she’d been one of the first people to accept Kazuki, Rei, and Miri as a family. Beyond their extremely limited social lives, there was a risk with doing anything that could make their names and faces too public. And while Kazuki fought tooth and nail to get the catering, flowers, clothing, and location all
perfect
and
awesome
, he’d been tempered by Rei’s constant insistence that their wedding didn’t have to be anything fancy.
In the end they’d settled on a private ceremony in their own cafe. Miri hadn’t liked the idea at first, thinking the place too boring, and Kazuki had secretly agreed until Rei had explained, “A church or hotel or whatever wouldn’t really mean anything to us. I like our home. I want to get married somewhere I can feel that warmth everyday.” And Kazuki hadn’t been able to come up with a good rebuttal.
The wedding was set for a Saturday afternoon with the ceremony in their cafe and the reception planned to spill out to the nearby beach for (what Rei had wrongly called) an excessive fireworks display and barbecue. And in the end, they’d compromised on an extravagant month-long vacation/honeymoon to Europe as soon as Miri had a break from school.
Waiting towards the front of the restaurant now, Kazuki was extremely grateful for Rei’s decision. His nerves were already strained enough as the reality that holy shit me and Rei are getting married for real dawned on him for what seemed like the hundredth time in minutes. It was hard enough to wait near the door, like he would when Rei was finishing getting Miri ready before they took her to school. Except instead of Miri’s lunch he was holding two silver rings and his heart was lodged in his throat. In the booths and the chairs, somewhat clumsily arranged so the “aisle” would lead to the stairs Rei was set to descend, Kyutaro and Anna-chan smiled at him and some of their new local acquaintances filled out some more of the space.
(The “who will walk down the aisle?” question wasn’t one either Rei or Kazuki cared much for so in the end they’d let Miri decide. But she couldn’t pick between her papas so easily. So she had decided that whoever made the best french toast would be the one she threw flowers for as they walked down the aisle. Rei had won. Kazuki was still salty a bit salty about it.)
Originally, they’d asked Kyutaro to officiate. He’d helped them with so much it had felt fitting to ask him. And because of their prior arrangements with the marriage license it was more an honorary role than anything but he’d said no. Arguing that seeing them get married would already be sickeningly sweet enough, if he’d had to do it himself he may never recover. They’d been at a loss of who to ask after that. And as they spent months organizing and getting closer to the date, all the pieces falling into place except the person to lead the ceremony. They’d thought of forgoing it altogether until Karin unexpectedly offered herself for the role. She’d become ordained while abroad and had performed a ceremony for two of her friends. Kazuki had tried to say no, the awkwardness of his ex-wife’s sister marrying him to his co-parent a little too much to bear. But she’d been so kind and sincere in her hopes for Kazuki’s bright future that he’d said yes before he could let the weight of the past bury him.
And that brought him here, he glanced at Karin who smiled warmly back at him. She wore a long flowy dress the same color as Miri’s, just a bit less flashy. She must have seen something in Kazuki’s eyes because as he was about to crack an inane joke at her, she took his hand and said softly, “She’d be happy for you.” And the bravado Kazuki had been using to power his everything is fine mentality slipped away. But before that 5-word gut punch could fully wind him, the speakers around the cafe began to play the soft instrumentals they’d picked out for Miri and Rei’s promenade. Their guests all turned to look towards the bottom of the stairs where Miri stood beaming. Her eyes sparkled, her hair elegantly braided with flowers courtesy of Karin, and she gave Kazuki a little wave before she plunged her hand into her flower basket and chucked a handful of loose petals straight into the air. She laughed as they fell back onto her and the whole room seemed to sink into the pure joy she radiated. As she took her first steps she turned back and waved at Rei, somewhere out of sight up the stairs, to follow her.
When Rei stepped into the room he wore the same neutral face as always. He looked out into the room, seeming dazed for a second before his eyes landed on Kazuki. And for a moment they just looked at each other.
Though he’d seen him only a few minutes ago, it seemed Miri had used her time with Rei to do his hair. Instead of his typical formal updo, he wore his hair half up with three flowers (he suspected had been plucked directly from one of the many expensive arrangements he’d ordered but whatever) tucked into the hair tie. It looked a little silly, maybe, for Rei with his constant deadpan expression and overall vibes that give more “graveyard” than “garden” but Kazuki’s heart stuttered anyway. He’s always been a fool in love and there was no way that was going to change just for his wedding day.
Miri fully turned around, noticing Rei still wasn’t quite behind her, and reached out her hand to grab Rei’s tugging him down the aisle. Her other hand was free to toss petals, which she did quite haphazardly. She threw one handful right into Kyutaro’s face and it really spoke to how much he adored the kid that he barely grimaced at it. All of this Kazuki was aware of cognitively but his eyes had never left Rei. As Miri reached the end of the (honestly quite short) aisle she moved to put Rei’s hand in Kazuki’s, dumped the rest of her basket of flowers across their joined hands, then moved to the side to stand behind Rei.
It was mid-afternoon but to Kazuki the whole place seemed bathed in golden hour glow. Rei squeezed his hand where they were joined and shuffled into position.
Karin took a deep breath, “We’re gathered here today to celebrate family. We live in a world full of harsh realities and unexpected tragedies. Our lives can often seem out of control or even cruel but it’s the people we love that make it bearable. More than bearable, sometimes you can find something that makes the world beautiful. And that’s why we’re here to watch Kurusu Kazuki and Suwa Rei become husbands.”
Kazuki grabbed Rei’s other hand in his determinedly pretending he couldn’t feel the pricking sting of tears in his eyes. He really didn’t think they’d get here. Not all those years ago, not when they’d become a family, not even when Rei has asked him to marry him. It seemed like a far-off dream. Something so good it would lay waste to all the other good that came before it. But here they were and Rei was looking at him, he could see himself reflected in the cool black of his eyes.
“I’ve known Kazuki a lot longer than I’ve known Rei but if they’re anything alike, which I know they are, they were both terrible at taking care of themselves. I know Kazuki spent a lot of time convincing himself he needed to be miserable but he only started to realize that wasn’t true once he and Rei had become a family. Of course they did it in a bit of a weird order, usually you have a kid after you settle down and get married not the other way around but anyone here knows Rei and Kazuki are nothing if not unconventional… I’m not a minister and these two clearly aren’t here to have a Royal Wedding so I think I’ll leave the rest up to them because I mean… what else is there to say? They’ve already done the good times, the bad, sickness, and health. Now all that’s left is “for all of your days” and they’ve already got a good headstart on that one too. Love isn’t a rare thing but being able to recognize it and cherish it the way you two do is rare indeed…” As Karin trailed off she gestured for Kazuki to start exchanging rings. He handed of the box containing his own to Rei and took a rattling breath before beginning his vows.
“When we first met I thought you were a useless rich kid. You lived in your own trash, smoked like a chimney, and couldn’t even be assed to sleep on a bed. I didn’t understand how you’d managed to live so long. So I started taking care of you and somewhere along the line I started taking care of myself again too. I thought you just needed me and it took me ages to figure out that I needed you too. We were partners in business, yeah, but we’d also become partners in life and that just became even more clear once Miri came into our lives. Our family is only a family with you in it and I was an idiot for not realizing I loved you as much as I did. And it’s scary how I love you more every day but I’m tired of hiding from my own happiness. You’re my partner in every sense of the word.” His words seemed to grow somewhat quicker with every sentence and by the time he finished he was out of breath, eyes shining. He bent his head to slip the ring onto Rei’s finger hoping to blink away the tears quickly but when he looked up to see Rei smiling at him so softly, he couldn’t stop them.
Rei took Kazuki’s left hand in his, clearing his throat before he started his own vows, “I never knew how warm people could be before I met you. I didn’t know the taste of french toast or the feeling of a full bed. I didn’t know taking care of people was something that could make you feel good . I didn’t know that love could be a strength and not a weakness. I learned all that from you, Kazuki. I don’t know what a normal family is but I know I love ours. I love you,” He goes crimson but maintains eye contact as he slips the ring a little too harshly onto Kazuki’s finger.
Before Karin can even get in another word they’re both leaning forward to embrace. Kazuki kissing Rei’s lips, his cheek, his neck as he falls into a bone crushing hug with the man who’s saved his life so many times in so many ways, completely overwhelmed. And he can feel Rei’s heart beating erratically even through the layers of formalwear. Karin bends around them to address the crowd, “I was supposed to say ‘You may now kiss the groom but I think they’ve got it covered.”
Kazuki pulled back, hands still grasping Rei’s shoulders, “Wait no that one didn’t count, I can do better!”
“Too late,” Rei said. Then he grabbed Kazuki by his tie and pulled him in for another kiss, this one lasted a little longer. Still chaste, of course, their daughter was there for God’s sake, but the world seemed to fall away for a second as they lost themselves in the softness and the warmth of the moment.
Karin beamed at them both as they pulled apart, faces red, smiles wide.
“Then by the power vested in me by dubious Italian websites, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss again if you want.” Miri was bouncing excitedly beside them eager to jump into her fathers arms. So this time they both scooped her up and each placed a kiss on either side of her face before she was crushed in a bear hug. The room erupted in claps and cheers. The short ceremony may be concluded but the celebrations were far from over.
As their friends and acquaintances from their old life and their new one made their way forward to offer their personal congratulations, Kazuki held tight to the two people next to him. His daughter who saved his life and his now-husband who helped him build a new one.