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Sunghoon sits at the table in the kitchen, mantled in complete darkness, the only source of light—the feeble ray of moonlight peeking from the gap between the closed curtains.
It’s nearly 2 am. and really he should be asleep. They have a hectic day ahead, filled with dance practice, shoots, and content filming. But Sunghoon has a lot on his mind. A lot of thoughts, scenarios, plans, emotions, and feelings. It's a storm inside his head compared to the silence he sits in.
He also has a lot in his heart. A lot really just means a highly concentrated concoction of feelings of pure rage and betrayal. But it isn’t the first time he’s had a lot in his heart. Sunghoon used to have a lot of love, adoration, and want for a certain someone. He still does. But it’s all lost now like trivial flavoring in the concoction of the fury he feels.
Sunghoon can’t take it anymore. He can’t take seeing Sunoo happy with Someone else anymore. Happy with Heeseung, no less.
Sunoo had wanted to break up. The declaration had sent Sunghoon reeling and he still remembers, bitterly though, how he begged Sunoo for the reason why and the way his heart had cracked when Sunoo had said that he just didn’t feel the same way anymore.
Sunghoon hadn’t known what to do but he did now. Well sort of.
Witnessing the air change between Sunoo and Heeseung had really done it for him. Seeing the way, their once bitter relationship healed and reignited with a new, stronger, flame really sealed the deal for him.
It made him realize just how much he loved Sunoo and would, unfortunately, continue to do so. Jake told him to move on. Let go. Life goes on. But how the hell does life go on when you don’t have your life anymore? Sunoo was his life. Is his life. His everything.
Sunghoon has a tendency to feel too much and it’s why he’s been so closed off for so long. It’s why he knew he was in deep shit when he started feeling the way he did for Sunoo. Sunghoon had fallen and fallen hard.
He can’t move on. He doesn’t want to. Why should he?
Sunoo is his. And only his. And should only ever be his. Because How can he let someone else live his life? Why should he? It’s not fair. It’s infuriating. He will not accept this.
“Hyung?” A soft yet groggy voice calls out. Sunghoon loves Sunoo’s voice. The gentle cadence of it when he’s whining, his tinkling bright laughter, his high pitched, heavy and sweet like honey, moans, the way he screams and cries. Sunghoon loves it all.
“Sunoo-yah,” Sunghoon replies back, barely reacting when Sunoo turns the lights on, one hand rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he does, his red hair all over the place.
“Why did you text me so late? That too to meet in the kitchen? Is everything okay?” Sunoo asks, the slightest hint of concern lacing his voice.
Sunghoon smiles but he doesn’t reply back, standing up from his seat to walk over to where Sunoo stands at the kitchen entrance.
“I wanted to talk to you.” He finally says, inches away from the younger boy who eyes him suspiciously before he sighs, trudging into the kitchen.
“Sunghoon hyung, If this is about Heeseung hyung again then I have nothing to say.” Sunoo grabs a glass and places it under the water dispenser. “I told you that we like each other but it’s nothing more than that right now.”
Sunghoon knows it is. He has seen the way they look at each other. And he knows it’s that treacherous and ugly thing called love. He can see the way it swims in Heeseung’s eyes as he looks at Sunoo because Sunghoon still does too.
But Sunghoon isn’t here to argue or make Sunoo admit all that. Not this time. It’s way past all that. He doesn’t care. He knows it’s wrong. But he really doesn't care. He’d rather be in jail than be here every day and watch Sunoo fall in love with someone else. Be happy with someone else. He’d rather be imprisoned in the confines of murky gray walls than be imprisoned and tortured by the constant desire to want something that he cannot acquire.
Sunghoon is dead either way so who really cares?
His hands slide around Sunoo’s waist from behind him. Sunoo jumps and drops the glass of water at the sudden presence, the sound of it shattering on the tiled floor deafening in the acute silence of the night.
“Hyung! What the hell- '' Sunoo shouts, clutching the hands around his waist, trying to tug them away but Sunghoon’s hold only tightens.
Sunghoon’s warm breath fans the shell of his ear and his thoroughly exposed neck. “I know you like him but can he ever make you feel as good as I do?” And then he’s pressing Sunoo against the counter, his lips mouthing at the side of the younger’s pale unmarked neck.
“Sunghoon hyung stop! What’s wrong with you-“.
Sunoo struggles in Sunghoon’s hold, trying to push back with his body, trying to reach behind with his hands but it’s in vain when the older boy’s hand leaves his waist only to pin both his wrists against the edge of the counter and even though Sunoo is as strong as the older boy, the position he’s in puts him at a disadvantage. Especially when he feels something hard press against his clothed back.
Sunoo stills. A dreadful feeling crawling under his skin. “H-hyung stop. Please stop- ah!” His pleas get cut off when Sunghoon bites at his neck, tongue swiping out to soothe the burn before he sucks fervently at it again. All the while, Sunghoon grinds into his clothed back.
He feels sick. And he can feel his heart thunder in his chest, panic starting to set in and he can’t help but tear up. “Heeseung hyung- I-I’m with him now. P-please don’t do this.”
Sunghoon feels that concoction of anger boil incessantly inside of him. At least he’s finally admitting it. He thinks.
“So you finally admit it huh?” Sunghoon growls, his bruising grip on Sunoo’s wrist getting tighter.
“Please stop- h-hyung I don’t like this. Please, stop.” He begs. Sunoo can’t believe what’s happening. He can’t believe that Sunghoon is sexually assaulting him. The thought only makes him want to sob more.
But Sunghoon just wants to have a last taste. Because now that Sunoo has admitted it, it’ll make things easier. One last taste is all he wants.
He turns the younger around, Sunoo’s back painfully digging into the edge of the counter now. Tears stream down his terrified, panic-stricken face and Sunghoon can’t help but wipe them away. Sunoo always looked pretty, especially when he cried.
Sunoo uses the new change in position to his advantage, pushing hard at Sunghoon’s chest and the older boy stumbles back. Sunoo is about to make a run for it when he feels himself getting harshly tugged back by his hair. He yelps in pain but Sunghoon’s grip doesn’t flatter and then he’s dragged back, thrown to the floor.
Sunghoon pushes open the younger’s legs with his foot before he’s lowering himself down, sliding between them and caging Sunoo between the floor and himself.
Sunoo’s hands and legs thrash and push at him but Sunghoon has them both pinned down in seconds, one hand pinning the younger’s wrist above his head—the broken glass strewn on the floor, digging into the skin and drawing blood—and the other holding one leg down, his knee pressing down on the other.
Sunghoon leans down, a smirk on his lips as he whispers the next words. “I’m just reminding you how good I was.”
Sunoo can’t take this anymore. He knows he can’t let this happen to himself when he feels Sunghoon grind down against him. He knows he can’t when moans threaten to slip past his lips at the friction, his body clearly betraying him.
“Hyungs! Riki! Jungwon! Somebody-“ Sunoo screams bloody murder but it’s cut short when he feels something sharp press against the fabric of his nightshirt by his abdomen.
“Another word.” Sunghoon grits out, voice low and threatening. “And I gut you like a fish.” Sunghoon’s going to do it any way but he revels in the power he feels over the younger boy. A power he had lost ever since their break up. Ever since Sunoo was no longer his . But this , the fear and pain Sunoo feels is Sunghoon’s doing. All of it. And Sunghoon revels in that fact.
The edge of the knife against Sunoo’s abdomen presses harder, but not hard enough to draw blood, to emphasize the point.
“H-hyung-“ Sunoo stutters out. Sunghoon absolutely loves how the younger’s bright auburn eyes are teary and glistening with obvious trepidation.
“Sunoo,” Sunghoon warns. And Sunoo clamps his mouth shut. And even though his leg is free from Sunghoon’s hold, his body has become too frozen to make another move.
The older boy smiles down at him, his canines peeking through and Sunoo has always found them rather cute. But right now, he finds them threatening, sharp, and glinting as if ready to tear him apart if need be.
Sunghoon leans down until his lips are pressing against Sunoo’s plump, bitten ones. One last taste.
He swallows the gasp of pain that leaves Sunoo’s lips as he plunges the knife in. He kisses him and kisses him, tasting a mix of Sunoo and the salty tears that leak out of eyes, fervently until the younger boy’s mouth goes slack, whimpers of pain pouring out.
Sunghoon yanks the knife out with a squelch, blood gushing out of the wound. It’s coloring Sunoo’s pale pink nightshirt a deep crimson, Sunghoon’s own white one being drenched in it with how close he’s pressed to the boy underneath him.
“H-hyung..” Sunoo brokenly whispers out between his whimpering.
“Shhh..it’s okay Sunoo-yah.” And Sunoo’s wrists are released from over his head but it doesn’t matter anymore.
Sunghoon cups his cheek, touch light and gentle, the smile across his lips so endearing. “It’s okay. I’m just reminding you.” He wipes another onslaught of tears from the younger’s cheek. “That if I can’t have you.“
If I can’t have you.
This time around, the knife is plunged straight into the younger’s chest, slightly to the left. Sunken deep into Sunoo’s heart.
No one should.
“No one should.”
The center of Sunoo’s nightshirt is blooming red, like a flower spreading its petals across the expanse of it. Sunghoon pulls out the knife again, blood splattering on his face but his eyes are empty as he plunges it back into the same place with another disturbing squelch.
Sunoo’s breath stutters in his throat, eyes blown wide, the brightness in them flickering out with each passing second, expression oscillating from pain to shock to betrayal and cycle.
How could you? Why did you? They seem to ask Sunghoon.
“Because I love you, Sunoo. I hope you know that.”
“H-heeseun- '' Sunoo barely whispers out but Sunghoon hears it. He hears it and they travel from his ears and plunge into his heart just like his previous actions.
And then Sunoo’s writhing body stills, eyes open yet devoid of life, the last sigh of breath stuttering out. Even in his last moments, Sunoo chose to say Heeseung’s name.
Sunghoon feels himself shaking as he clutches the hilt of the knife still pressed into Sunoo’s chest, and pushes it deeper, twisting it, and a part of him hopes that it can reach deep enough to stab Sunoo’s soul if it hasn’t departed yet.
His eyes swim in red with how much of it he’s seeing. The blood from Sunoo’s stomach and chest pooled beneath him, his clothes colored scarlet, Sunoo’s maroon red hair, his flushed ruddy cheeks. Everything is blazing red in his irises.
His own clothes and hands are drenched in Sunoo’s blood, the red even more glaring on his loose white shirt. But even inside him, the anger, the heartache burns an acrimonious shade of red. He pulls the knife out again, beads of blood splattering on his face again but he can’t care.
“Is anyone here?” It’s Heeseung. Sunghoon feels a smile form on his face. Good timing, hyung.
“You heard it too hyung?” Another voice joins in. Jungwon. It seems that Sunoo was loud enough to have woken up two members. Maybe even more.
“What’s going on? Where’s Sunghoon hyung and Sunoo hyung?” And that’s Riki.
Sunghoon internally sighs. This is going to be a little harder than he had thought. “H-hyung?” He whispers out, placing the knife down beside Sunoo’s body, near the younger’s hand. Sunghoon knows he’s been heard when hears footsteps behind him.
“Sunghoon?! Sunoo?!” Heeseung exclaims, dropping to his knees just where Sunoo’s head lays.
“I- Sunoo-“ Sunghoon stutters out, trying to appear distressed. And he knows he doesn’t have long when he hears two more pairs of footsteps behind him. Heeseung looks at him, tears already streaming down his face in pure agony.
Love is a bitch
Sunghoon is quick as he leans forward to hug the mathyung, one hand discreetly and swiftly picking up the knife. Heeseung doesn’t notice it, doesn’t know what’s happening but the maknaes behind Sunghoon can see everything, and before Heeseung can make sense of their outcry of ‘Hyung! No!’, hot burning pain flames in the midsection of his body.
Heeseung pulls back from the sudden embrace and looks down at the red that is slowly spreading and spreading across his abdomen, at the barely visible but unmistakable metallic glint of a knife that’s been sunken into him, at the long slender fingers wrapped around the hilt of it. And then his eyes are trailing up to meet Sunghoon’s unfocused, dazed ones.
There are streaks and splotches of blood on his pale face but the most terrifying part of it all is the younger’s expression. Sunghoon looks manic as his lips curl into a wide grin, canines on full display, eyes almost red as they reflect his surroundings but so empty yet so full .
Sunghoon hears the maknaes behind him scream but he pays no heed. His hold on the knife thrusted into Heeseung remains unflattering even when he feels someone trying to pull him away from the mathyung. He meets Heeseung’s pained gaze. Sunghoon finally pulls the knife back out, finding an unfathomable amount of satisfaction at the grunt of pain it elicits from the older, expression twisting into that of anguish.
“S-sunghoon- w-what-” Heesung barely manages to speak out. And his eyes ask the same questions that Sunoos did and Sunghoon doesn’t understand how impervious and ignorant his dear hyung and lover have been.
“You took my life from me, hyung.” He sighs, the sadness and disappointment evident in his voice—oddly genuine. “Sunoo..” Sunghoon adds, just in case Heeseung still fails to understand the gravity of his mistake. Of what he has taken. Sunghoon thinks it’s only fair if he gives back by taking something too.
“So I’m taking yours.”