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“So we all saw Colin and his ‘friend’ making out last night, yeah?” Moe asks after the screeching of the Lamborghini has faded. Everyone is still lingering around after training, save for Colin, who had headed off as soon as he was clean. “They were right next to the restaurant. They know there’s, like, a giant street light on that corner, yeah?”
Jan Maas nods. “If he does not want to be outed, he is not doing a very good job of being discreet.”
Jan Maas gets a few elbows for that, but Sam just bites his lip. “I get that he might not want to be out publicly, but he introduced Michael as his wingman. Did he not tell us because he is afraid of how we will react?”
Isaac scrubs his hand over his face. “I committed that—what did you call it—” he pauses to wave at Sam, “microaggression against ‘em the other day.”
“Microaggression?” Jamie repeats. “The fuck is that?”
“Yeah, when I said all the lads fawning over Zava was gay and shit. Implying that being gay was being bad. My sister’s a lesbo; I’ve gotten used to shit talking with her, I guess. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He winces. “I don’t mean nothing by lesbo, either—just like she don’t mean nothing when she says I’m all muscle, no brain.”
Jamie frowns. He’d come in at the tail end of that conversation, but the look in Richard’s eyes—he hadn’t been joking, he thought. Jaimie has excellent gaydar, which is why he’s so surprised about Colin. He never would have pinged him.
“So what do we do to make him more comfortable?” Thierry asks. “Should we tell him we saw them together and that we’re very happy for him?”
“No, no,” Moe shakes his head. “I was reading about it online, yeah? You’re supposed to let people come to you.”
Isaac wrinkles his nose. “He’s not a dog, bruv.”
“No, I agree with Moe,” Sam adds. “But we could—tacitly show our support? Like Isaac, talking about your sister.” He frowns. “Maybe don’t call her a lesbo to his face, though.”
Isaac nods. “Like Dr. Sharon said. “‘Create a welcoming dressing room free of judgment, and don’t let any bullying affect the positive environment.’ ‘Course she was talking about Jamie comin’ back, but it’s the same principle, innit?”
“Hey!” Jamie says, even though Isaac wasn’t wrong. “I’ll show the most support out of all of you idiots.” He’d be so gay-friendly they’d be putting him on the cover of Gay Magazine. (And he’d make Colin, his dear friend, more comfortable. Etc., etc.)
And thus, Operation Dressing Room was born.
~
Except that immediately after, Jamie gets swept up with his training with Roy. Jamie hasn't been this tired since. . .ever, really, even after he’d been sent back to Man City and nearly ran his body into the ground trying to forget about his Dad and Richmond and doing what Ted had asked only to get sent away anyway. Roy is merciless, and between his early morning sessions and then training with the team and the ceaseless presence of Zava everywhere, Jamie’s brain goes mostly offline for a week or two.
Still, he eventually bounces back, growing used to Roy’s ridiculous early morning wakeups. It was showing on the pitch, too; he’s yet to score a goal in a game, but he can feel himself settling into the routine, and it gets just a little bit easier to go toe to toe with Zava.
So when Jamie is a little more together and once again tuned into the team, he notices that Isaac, as Captain, has really been making good on his pledge to make things more welcoming. Little safe space and ally stickers have started appearing around the club, and Keeley has them doing some pride social media campaign. It’s nice, sure, but it feels like something was missing still, because at the end of the day it’s just words, innit? Sure, they could tweet all the hashtags they wanted, or make donations, or talk about how nice Kevin in accounting’s boyfriend was, but that was all different than having a gay player on the team, in the dressing room. Colin needs to see they could walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
They were all pretty physically affectionate anyway, but it wouldn’t hurt to step it up a little, or something. He figures it was safe to cuddle Dani; even though Dani was possibly the straightest man on the planet after Jamie himself, he’d never turned Jamie down if Jamie leaned into him, but instead just pulled him in closer. He doesn’t seem to mind that anytime they were together, Jamie is suddenly next to him, putting a hand on his thigh or playing with his hair. Jamie is doing this for Operation Dressing Room, of course, but under pain of death, he would maybe admit that it also comforted the small child inside of Jamie, whose mother had been working round the clock and thus had never been around for bedtime cuddles. He catches Colin staring a few times, and Dani has seemed to pick up on Jamie’s strategy; when he isn’t up Zava’s ass, he’d taken to snuggling Jamie back. At one point, during a post-game speech where Dani’s knee had acted up, he’d plopped down on the bench and stuck his sweaty, smelly leg onto Jamie’s lap. Jamie, without really thinking about it, held the ice pack on his knee in his place with one hand, and rubbed at his calf muscles with the other.
Colin raises a not-so-subtle eyebrow at them, so Jamie figures his plan must be working.
~
“Maybe we could have Dani round, yeah?” Jamie asks one early morning as he and Roy are wrapping up. “He’s—almost as good as me,” Jamie concedes, “and could probably benefit a lot from this stuff.”
Roy stares at him and doesn’t say anything, and even though Jamie hasn’t done anything, he has the distinct feeling he was about to get headbutted again. Instead, Roy does something even weirder, and puts a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “You are,” he grumbles, “a valuable and beloved member of the team. No matter what.” Every word sounds like it’s being forced through a meat grinder, but Roy has that look on his face that says that he, very much against his will, was being sincere.
“Okay, mate,” Jamie says, bemused. The dementia was clearly setting in.
~
One of the nice things about being back at Richmond is that, now that the lads have mostly forgiven him, Jamie hangs out with them in his free time. Not in the way he used to—just at clubs and parties, where they drank and pulled in the general vicinity of each other but didn’t really interact beyond sitting in the same corner. He’s been helping Sam make design decisions for the restaurant, or playing FIFA with Moe and Thierry, or going shopping with Isaac. And Dani, who inexplicably had never disliked Jamie in the first place—Dani is always asking him to hang out.
They do a lot together, from going on runs to trying hole in the wall restaurants to Dani dragging him to a craft fair that one time. Jamie is always happy to hang out, and usually doesn’t care what they do. Dani, however, is an adventurer, and Jamie is just glad to be invited along for the ride. Today, Dani takes him to a carnival of all things. They make themselves sick by ignoring their meal plan and eating some wonderful American abomination called a funnel cake. They also learn that, despite being two of the top strikers in the league, neither of them are particularly good at darts; Dani walks away with enough points to win a keychain, and Jamie hadn’t even gotten that much. Then they do the rides, aggressively ramming into each other until the bumper car attendant glares them into submission.
At the end of the day, with the setting sun providing the perfect light, Jamie pulls Dani in for a selfie. Pressed close, he can smell the citrusy scent of Dani’s body wash, feel the warm heat from his body. Jamie isn’t sure why he does what he does next. Maybe it’s because of Colin, maybe it’s just good for Jamie’s brand. Maybe he wants to prove to the lads that he really has changed, and is finally putting the team above himself. Maybe it’s because he knows his Dad will see it, and rage and rage and not be able to do anything about it because Jamie has finally blocked his number. Maybe it's because Dani's happiness is so contagious it feels impossible to be afraid. But whatever is driving Jamie makes him pull Dani even closer, and press a kiss to his cheek.
~
“It’s mighty nice, all the stuff Isaac is leading,” Ted says, causing Jamie to nearly jump out of his skin. The team’s just wrapped up some photoshoot, their usual kits replaced by cheesy rainbow suits. Gayhounds love you! the banner above them reads.
“Yeah,” says Jamie, not really paying attention because he’s busy trying to remember if he left a tip for the housekeeper and making a mental note to buy more hair pomade on his way home. “S’nice.”
Ted hums. “You know, it’s obvious that this team loves each other, really cares about each other. And I’d imagine that would be true no matter what.”
And, ah. Coach has clearly picked up on the Colin situation. Jamie nods at him approval. “Yeah, I’d reckon that’s true,” he says, and Ted claps him on the shoulder.
~
Of course, just because they hang out during the day doesn’t mean they don’t still have club nights.
Jamie isn’t sure what time it is, but he knows it’s late and several drinks after when they started. He’d been dancing with a girl who Dixon had stolen right out from under him, the asshole. Jamie finds himself at that ideal level of drunk where he’s still aware of what he’s doing but drunk enough not to really care. So when Dani is suddenly in his space, dancing up much closer than mates would normally, Jamie doesn’t really think about it. Colin’s around somewhere, probably.
He doesn’t even question Dani as Dani pulls him off the dance floor and out of the building, into a quiet side alley. The fresh air feels good, and in the soft light from the street lamps, Dani’s dark eyes are sparkling. They’re pressed together, and Jamie can feel the warmth from his breath. If Dani was a girl, Jamie would say they were about to snog.
Dani is looking at him so intently it makes Jamie’s stomach squirm. “Everyone’s making out in alleys these days, mm?” His voice is almost a purr, different than Jamie has ever had him.
And then he leans in and presses his lips to Jamie’s.
Danny is a good kisser, unsurprisingly; Dani was good at everything he did. But Jamie is a competitive bastard, and a very good kisser to boot, so he presses back without really thinking. It’s sound logic, Jamie thinks hazily when Dani pulls away; maybe Colin will make his way back here and see Dani and Jamie making out, just like they’d seen him and Michael. Reverse psychology or whatever.
Then Dani does something very interesting with his tongue, and Colin is the last thing on Jamie’s mind.
~
One day after practice, Colin pulls Jamie aside and asks if they can talk in private. It’s happening, Jamie thinks to himself as they duck into the boot room, and tries to remember everything the website had encouraged him to say. Colin looks at him and nods, like he’s trying to psych himself up, and then reaches out and squeezes Jamie’s arm. “You know you can tell me anything, yeah? And it won’t change anything between us.”
“Err, what? ” Jamie says, trying to figure out what the fuck Colin is taking about. Is he supposed to tell Colin hey, I think you might be into blokes?
Colin takes a deep breath. “I just. . .I noticed how close you’ve been with Dani, lately, and I know how hard it can be coming to terms with things like that, especially when you have a shit dad, and—”
Things like that. “Are you. . .” Jamie stops and starts again. “Are you trying to get me to come out to you?”
Colin nods. “I’m just saying, you can tell uncle Colin anything! I can be your queer Yoda, or whatever.”
“You’re telling me you’re gay,” Jamie says, gaping like a fish instead of saying any of the sappy website things like thank you for sharing your truth or I’m honored you trusted me with this.
Colin blinks. “Well, I’m not really a labels guy, but yeah. I mean, you’ve met my boyfriend.”
“I. . .have?” Jamie repeats stupidly. “I mean, I didn’t know that we were supposed to know he was your boyfriend. I thought you were in the closet or whatever. We all did.”
“I talked about Grinder multiple times! I brought Michael to Sam’s and introduced him to everyone.”
“But you told everyone Michael is your wingman!” They’re both speaking loudly now, talking over each other.
“He is! We’re not entirely monogamous. I still like a roll in the hay with a lass every now and again. I’m just not interested in dating them. Besides, I thought everyone would like him better if they thought he could help them pull.”
“So you’ve been out this entire time?” Jamie asks disbelievingly. “That’s why we were doing all the,” he gestures helplessly, “you know, photoshoots and shit. So you’d be comfortable coming out to us.”
Colin frowns. “I’m not, like, gonna do a spread in a magazine or anything; you know how the Prem is. We have to stay quiet. But I don’t care if the team knows. I thought you all knew; I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret or anything.”
Jamie shuffles awkwardly. “You weren’t afraid we’d be assholes or nothin’?”
Colin rolls his eyes. “Mate, at one point you were the biggest asshole I would have to worry about, and you nearly sucked Dani’s face off trying to prove a point. I think it’s okay. Lasso and Dr. Sharon and all helped make it that way, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jamie says. And that’s that. Colin: officially Feeling Accepted.
So Jamie should be relieved. Operation Dressing Room has succeeded, time to wind down and stop snogging Dani where Colin could possibly see them.
The fact that he feels a little empty is just because he’s gotten used to having a project, he figures.
Still, Dani hasn’t seemed to have gotten the hint. Even after Colin stands up on the bench before practice and yells I wasn’t trying to keep the fact that I shag blokes from you all; please stop telling me about how much you hate Boris Johnson, Dani stays stubbornly pressed to Jamie’s side, as touchy as ever.
Jamie is confused, and feels like he’s about to jump out of his skin. Dr. Sharon is gone, and since Jamie hasn’t quite gotten around to finding a replacement he likes, he goes to the next best thing: Keeley.
Jamie thinks he’ll always have a soft spot for Keeley. She’d been the first person to see him, really. But those feelings have faded to a dull ache, like pressing on a bruise, and when she and Roy had broken up he’d found himself more sad for them than anything, because somehow Roy fucking Kent has become a part of his life too.
She lets him in, and agrees to listen to him for exactly as long as it takes her to finish the fancy smoothie he’s brought her. So he spills out the full thing—Colin, and Dani, and how even though everything should be good now Jamie feels like he’s about to throw up.
When he stops rambling, Keeley lifts an eyebrow. “It’s obvious, babe. You like him. And based on the way you said he kisses, he likes you too.”
“I like girls, though,” Jamie points out, because tits are the best.
“Yeah,” Keeley says, looking at him like he’s an idiot. “So do I. It’s called being bisexual.”
“But that’s just for chicks, isn’t it?” Jamie knows this. . .although, he knows this because of his Dad, which isn’t a great indicator for something being true.
Keeley continues to stare at him, and something horrible and wonderful clicks into place in Jamie’s brain.
“Fuck,” he swears, and yeah, he’s been spending way too much time with Roy.
~
“Are we dating?” Jamie asks when Dani opens the door. His hair is falling in soft waves around his shoulders, and he’s grinning that Dani smile, and okay, Jamie should have figured this out awhile ago.
Dani’s brows furrow. “Yes?” he says, like he doesn’t understand why Jamie is asking.
“Oh. I didn’t know.”
Dani frowns harder, and it looks completely out of place on his usually sunny disposition. “We made out in the club. We’ve been on several dates.”
“Yeah,” Jamie says, still feeling like an idiot. He scuffs his foot against the ground. “I thought that was like, for Colin. You know, trying to make him more comfortable coming out and shit.”
“I am not that good of a friend, Jamie Tartt.” His face falls completely, and Jamie doesn’t feel like he’s kicked a puppy so much as punted one off of London Bridge. “Does that mean we are not dating?”
“You actually want to? I thought you were in love with Zava these days.”
“I mean, he is Zava,” Dani says, and Jamie shoves him a little. “But maybe I played it up a little, to make you jealous.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t not jealous,” Jamie mumbles, unable to look Dani in the eye.
Dani laughs. “Would you like to come in? To be clear, I am asking because I hope we will make out on my couch, and not because I am trying to make Colin more comfortable with himself.”
Jamie grins a little, his stomach settling for the first time in what feels like days. “Yeah, that’d be ace.”
~
(Jamie does get his gay magazine cover. Just in a different context than he anticipated.)