Chapter Text
Thoma was sure he was going to lose his mind.
He was grateful for the life he lived and the people in it: he lived with his childhood friend, Ayato, in an apartment he never would have been able to afford on his own - with Ayato’s sister and her roommate living only a floor away - he went to a good university and made good friends and acquaintances at said university. He owned a wonderful dog named Taroumaru (that Ayato technically shared custody of), and their apartment was only a two hour drive from his mom’s house, so he could visit her whenever he had spare time.
But he was going to lose his mind.
Thoma had a crush, a crush that everyone in his life was aware of. In between their consistent teasing (namely from his mother and Ayato) and lighthearted poking and encouragement (namely from Ayaka), he had decided to pursue his crush: you.
You – Ayaka’s roommate and his friend of three years. Everyone in his life who had met you had adored you, which had only made it easier for him to fall in love with you.
But despite their lighthearted teasing, how much they liked you, and how much they encouraged Thoma to pursue you, Thoma somehow managed to be interrupted every single time he was trying to make a move.
The first time, Thoma figured it was an accident.
The two of you had been watching a movie in the living room of his shared apartment with Ayato, sitting side by side on the couch. Thoma had already done a classic move: he faked a yawn as an excuse to put an arm around your shoulders. You were snuggled together, and stayed like that even after the movie ended. With the screen now black, the moment felt soft and intimate. The only thing running through Thoma’s mind was you – how pretty you looked in the low light, how right you felt cuddled against him. When you began looking at him inquisitively, wondering why he wasn’t responding to what you had said, Thoma turned towards you with the impulse to confess.
“Can I ask you something?” He had asked, voice soft and words kept only between the two of you. His face was close to yours, and he couldn’t stop himself from gazing at your lips wantonly.
His eyes flickered back up to yours, losing himself in your look as he leaned in imperceptibly closer.
He opened his mouth, ready to ask you to kiss him, date him, love him - whichever came out of his mouth first - when:
“Hey, Thoma, have you seen my keys?”
Ayato walked in obliviously, patting down his pockets as he shook his head left and right searchingly. You turned your head to look at Ayato, while Thoma startled at the interruption, jumping away from you as though he was burned.
You turned your head back to Thoma, tilting your head in confusion. Meanwhile, Ayato observed many things with a dawning realization: the redness on his roommate’s ears, the seemingly exaggerated jump when he entered the room, the disgruntled look he was now receiving. Oh, Ayato thought, it seems I’ve interrupted something. He sent a smirk in Thoma’s direction, who met it with an angry glare that Ayato took delight in.
“They’re probably next to the door. Where you always put them,” Thoma gritted out, feeling defeated.
Ayato laughed. “Oh of course, how could I forget. Thank you, Thoma. And good to see you again!” He waved at you, with a smile too self-satisfied to be sincere. “Have fun with your movie, or lack thereof,” he teased, referring to the black screen.
You returned Ayato’s greeting, watching as he grabbed his keys and left the apartment. "So, what was it you wanted to ask me?” You asked Thoma, shifting your attention back to him.
“Uh,” Thoma stuttered. The moment was ruined, and he was a romantic at heart - there was no way he was going to confess now. “There’s a sequel to the movie we just watched, I was wondering if you wanna watch that next?”
You agreed, none the wiser as Thoma turned the TV back on to look for the film in question. Thoma felt his despair slowly melt away as you held up a blanket, gesturing for him to join you underneath it. You draped the soft fabric over his shoulders and yours, cuddling up to Thoma once again. He wrapped his arm around you, this time without any nervousness behind the action, and leaned back to watch yet another movie with you.
The second time was a terrible coincidence, because how could Taroumaru know what was happening?
Ayato and Thoma’s apartment had become somewhat of an oasis for you from the stress of everyday life, much like your own apartment. The difference being that your apartment had no Thoma, and no Taroumaru either, so when it was suggested that you hang out, Thoma’s apartment was unquestionably the first choice.
The two of you were in the kitchen trying a recipe that Thoma had found. Strawberry cake with whipped cream icing had sounded delicious to the both of you, and nothing sounded better to Thoma than being able to flex his culinary skills for you.
You had been mixing the batter while Thoma measured out and poured in the ingredients which, needless to say, got a little messy. Thankfully, you were wearing Thoma’s ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron – what had been a gag gift from Ayato quickly became Thoma’s favorite apron, and seeing it on you made Thoma want to kiss you even more. Alas, he controlled himself from covering your face in kisses, much like how cake batter and flour was actually covering your face.
When you passed the bowl to Thoma so that he could take over with the mixing, he couldn’t help but look at your face and laugh. You had flour smeared across one cheek and above your eyebrow, with cake batter on the other cheek.
“Hey, what are you laughing at?” You lightheartedly complained, knowing full well what made your friend giggle so much. You recalled how the flour had plumed in your face when you began mixing, and the all too familiar sensation of batter being spread across your cheek the last time you’d wiped your face.
“Sorry, sorry, it’s just- how did you even end up with this much flour on your face? It’s everywhere!” He chucked, abandoning the bowl on the counter in favor of gently brushing the flour off of your face.
“And cake batter, too. Really, I don’t understand how you managed to accomplish this.” He smiled, holding your face still with one hand and licking his thumb before wiping the batter off your other cheek.
He jokingly held his thumb in front of you, saying, “Want a taste?”
You grabbed his wrist to keep his hand still before licking the batter away, oblivious to the utterly shell-shocked expression on his face. You let his wrist go and pulled away after barely a second, but that didn’t stop Thoma from freezing, a strawberry blush creeping up his neck and to his cheeks, matching the cake you were baking.
Your eyes lit up as you looked back at him to happily exclaim, “That’s so delicious! We really did a good job so far!”
His hand was still lingering on your cheek while the other was hovering mid air in front of you. His mouth was agape, your actions not leaving his mind as he impulsively began to ask, “Can I kis-”
When a loud bark interrupted him two words in. Thoma flinched, moving his hands back to his sides and pouting down at the culprit. Taroumaru stood at your feet, tail wagging back and forth as he barked again in dissatisfaction. Clearly, the lack of food coming in his direction was enough to rouse Taroumaru from his nap, and he needed to ensure that both you and Thoma heard his complaints.
“Tarou, buddy,” you laughed, bending down to pet the dog, “you can’t have cake! It’s not good for you!”
I can’t believe you, Taroumaru. You’re a little traitor, Thoma telepathically communicated to his dog. Taroumaru didn’t seem to get the message though, as he basked in your affection with his tail wagging, his grievances entirely forgotten, but still pleading for a treat or two. Thoma turned back to the counter, mixing the batter a little too harshly as he tried to will his blush away. He knew his ears were bright red still, the flush that went down to his neck only just daring to fade away.
Thoma shook his head to clear his thoughts, and looked down to his thumb that was now curled around the rim of the bowl.
HIs face burned when thinking about that incident for the next two weeks.
Some people say, “Third time’s the charm!” and Thoma had hoped the same, but clearly fate wasn’t on his side.
The two of you were hanging out at your apartment, sitting side by side on your couch and watching a baking show that Thoma was a fan of. Ayaka was studying at the library, so the two of you had your apartment all to yourselves. The tv show was slowly becoming background noise as you and Thoma began chatting. There was never a shortage of topics to talk about, and conversation with Thoma came easy.
Even when the conversation was nonsensical, or just small talk, Thoma still loved talking to you, and you returned the sentiment. No matter how long the two of you had been friends, there was always something new to learn about each other. He liked learning about what type of weather was your favorite, how you felt about the city you lived in, if you loved or hated the rain. Any detail of your life that you were willing to share, he was happy to hear. And of course, you loved learning all of the little things about him, too.
The longer you talked, the closer you grew. Platonic affection was something that came to you and Thoma naturally, both with each other and with your other friends, so Thoma held no hesitation in laying his arm over your shoulders and tugging you closer to him. You rested your head on his shoulder, your knee knocking against his as your conversation continued.
Despite the affection being so casual, Thoma’s heart was still beating fast in his chest. There were times when his feelings for you would get in the way of his natural behavior, and he would have to give himself the briefest of pep talks before being able to embrace you as he normally would. He was glad today was not such a time. The moment felt so safe and so intimate that Thoma couldn’t help but take advantage of a lull in conversation.
“So, is there anyone who has caught your eye recently?” He questioned you, unsure of what answer he was looking for. A ‘yes’ would be good but only if he was the one who caught your eye, and while a ‘no’ would mean you’re available, it could also mean that you’re uninterested.
“Like romantically? Maybe, why do you ask?” You tilted your head up as you looked toward him, making eye contact.
He looked away, refusing to meet your eyes for a moment, swallowing before he spoke. “Well, I’ve been thinking-”
“Oh my goodness, it’s raining cats and dogs out there!” The front door slammed shut, revealing a very drenched Kamisato Ayaka in its wake as she shook off her umbrella. Thoma jumped at the noise, once again startled by a Kamisato sibling.
“Really? Is it raining that hard?” You asked, turning away from Thoma to instead greet your roommate.
“Really! I swear it started pouring out of nowhere, and it’s supposed to start thundering soon so I had to head back early. Oh, hi Thoma! I didn’t know you were here,” she waved, greeting her long time friend. Thoma, whose hands were covering his face from the second you turned around, greeted Ayaka with a muffled voice as he dragged his hands down his face in despair.
Another chance ruined! How does this keep happening to me? he mourned.
Thoma had known the Kamisato siblings since he was young, and they were such close friends that he might as well be the third sibling. Of course, that came with its pros and cons – one of the cons being that since Ayato and Ayaka had known him for so many years, they could read him with ease.
And reading him with ease was precisely what Ayaka was doing.
“Oh, what nice flowers!” Ayaka remarked as she walked to the kitchen area of your apartment, stopping to glance at the fresh bouquet of sunflowers and tulips that sat atop the table.
“Thoma brought them! Aren’t they beautiful?”
Ayaka sent Thoma a knowing look over your shoulder, teasing mixed with pity and remorse as she noticed his despairing expression.
“Indeed they are,” she replied. “Thoma, since you’re here, can you help me with this thing in the kitchen real quick?”
“Of course,” Thoma replied, quickly making his way over. Ayaka was terrible at coming up with excuses on the spot and it showed, but Thoma knew better than to question it.
Thoma had never been more grateful that your kitchen had half a wall separating it from the living area than when Ayaka crowded him into the corner to whisper, “Did I interrupt something? You look… sad, and mad. Smad, I suppose.”
Thoma cracked a dry smile at her wording while he hesitated, not wanting Ayaka to feel bad at his response. “You did, just a little, but it’s fine. Firstly, you live here and all you did was walk in through your own front door, and secondly, it’s far from the first time.”
Ayaka cringed. “My brother?” She questioned, already knowing the answer.
“And Taroumaru,” Thoma sighed.
Against her will, Ayaka giggled at Thoma’s terrible luck. “Your own dog turning against you, how terrible.”
Thoma groaned loudly, only making Ayaka laugh harder.
The fourth time, Thoma was getting suspicious.
Of Ayato, that is.
If there was anyone who was willing to lightly sabotage his love life, it would be Ayato. He loved his childhood friend dearly – after all, he did live with him – but he knew of Ayato’s small sadistic streak all too well.
Ayato had said many times that there was something about Thoma that was “easy to tease” and boy, did he take advantage of that. Getting Thoma to eat spicy or weird foods that his stomach definitely couldn’t handle, politely talking him into drinking alcohol knowing fully well of his abnormally low tolerance, and of course, teasing him about his crush were frequent occurrences.
Ayato was in his own room with Taroumaru while you and Thoma were hanging out in his bedroom. Thoma had been trying to teach you how to crochet, but seeing you in the low light of the lamp on his desk, his mind was wandering elsewhere. Sitting side by side on his bed, Thoma had been wondering if it would be too weird to ask you to take a nap together. Being with you made Thoma so comfortable while simultaneously setting his heart ablaze, and with the early spring day being so rainy, he couldn’t help but yawn, feeling so warm and comfortable.
“You could lay down and take a nap if you’re tired,” you offered, “after all, it’s your bed. I think I’ve got the hang of this crochet thing.” The pile of yarn in front of you would suggest otherwise, but Thoma could see some proper rows forming.
“I might, actually,” Thoma admitted, yawning again. “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”
“Probably because it’s raining, and you’re the busiest person that I know. You deserve the rest. I can just sit at your desk instead.” You stood up, before Thoma grabbed your wrist, stopping you.
“Actually… lay down with me?” He asked shyly, looking up at you through his eyelashes. His puppy-like green eyes made your heart skip a beat, so you naturally agreed.
You moved to lay down next to Thoma, and he brought one of his throw blankets to cover the both of you. The two of you laid side by side, and Thoma turned to face you. His heart leapt into his throat when you turned to your side to face him as well, and he realized just how close you were. He suddenly felt wide awake at your proximity.
Don’t look at their lips. Don’t look at their lips. Don’t look at their lips, he repeated to himself like a mantra, forcing his eyes to meet yours.
“What, all of a sudden you don’t wanna sleep?” You teased.
“I’m not really all that tired. Besides, I like being with you.”
You felt your face grow warm, knowing there was no way to hide it.
“I like being with you too,” you softly replied. “Though, I didn’t know that being with me magically erases all of that tiredness you were feeling two minutes ago.”
Thoma softly chucked, a shy smile on his lips as he moved to rest his hand on top of yours between the two of you.
“Not my fault you make my heart beat faster than I ever could have imagined.”
Your wide eyes betrayed your shock and you blinked at Thoma, unable to process the words that came out of his mouth.
“Is that too shocking? I’m sorry,” he gave you a smile bordering on wry as he pressed his face into his pillow.
You stared at him, struggling to comprehend what he said. Was this a confession? There’s no way it’s a romantic confession. Are friendship confessions a thing? You thought to yourself.
While you were buried in your thoughts, Thoma turned back to you, the pure dumbfounded expression on your face catching him so off guard that he couldn’t help but giggle. “Clearly I don’t do a good enough job showing you how much you mean to me.” He flashed you a self-deprecating smile.
Those words escaping his lips snapped you out of your stupor. If there was one thing you wouldn’t tolerate, it would be Thoma blaming himself for anything, even if you weren’t quite sure what was going on.
“That’s not true, you’re a fantastic friend,” you started, speaking softly but firmly. “Anyone would be grateful to have you in their life, so don’t think even for a second that you’re not doing enough. You’re the person who cooks dinner for Ayato when he hasn’t left his room in days, you’re the person who bailed Itto out of trouble with his RA in freshman year, you’re the person who introduced Ayaka and I to each other when you knew she was having trouble making friends. You do so many things for so many people, even random people who you’ve never even met before. You’re so kind that kindness basically seeps out of your pores, it’s honestly impressive,” you laughed.
“And that doesn’t even begin to describe what you’ve done for me,” you continued. “You brought me miso soup during finals just because I didn’t answer your texts for a few hours, you’re there whenever I need someone to talk to, you’ve offered to edit my papers for me, hell, you’ve offered to clean my apartment for me! Which I’ll never let you do, by the way, Ayaka and I can deal with our mess ourselves ,” you sent him a pointed look that he couldn’t help but laugh at.
You continued talking about all the things that Thoma had done for you and how much you adored him as a friend, while he just looked at you with a small smile on his lips and a blush slowly appearing high on his cheeks. You were just so passionate about how much you cared for him, that even if you had misunderstood his words, thinking he meant caring for you in a general sense rather than a romantic sense, he was still so taken by you.
“You care so much and you make it so obvious and tangible, so don’t ever put yourself down and think you aren’t doing enough,” you concluded. Thoma’s green eyes pierced into yours as you chanced a glance at his gaze, catching you off guard once more.
“But I don’t make it obvious enough, you don’t know the way in which I care for you.” His hand found yours once again, this time intertwining your fingers. He propped himself up on one arm, leaning over you ever so slightly.
You paused, eyes flickering from your hands laced together to his face so close to yours. Your heart beat fast in your chest, and you felt that maybe you understood the point he was trying to make.
“Then show me.”
His eyes widened in surprise, yet something hopeful shone in his gaze. He moved his face closer to yours, finally allowing himself to look at your lips, the ones he’d been dying to kiss.
His heart was beating crazily in his chest as he leaned even closer, his lips just about to touch yours, when you felt an odd weight on your chest.
A low “woof!” reverberated through the room before you felt a wet lick on your cheek.
Your eyes shot wide open and you looked down to see a very smug Taroumaru sitting right in between Thoma and you with his paw on your chest.
Thoma blinked down at his dog with his mouth agape before collapsing back down next to you, face down.
“Hi buddy,” you awkwardly greeted Taroumaru, whose tail began to wag at being addressed. “When did you get in here?”
Meanwhile, Thoma’s mind raced in despair. Yeah, when did he get in here? He wasn’t even in the main area! And I closed my door! Since when does he know how to open doors? It’s not even a handle, it’s a knob!
And slowly but surely, all thoughts came to one conclusion.
Damn you, Ayato , Thoma thought.
The fifth time, Thoma was at his wit’s end.
Thoma decided that morning at his apartment, after months of pining and failed confessions, today was the day that he was going to ask you out.
Every failed attempt was clear in his head (a little too clear, he still hadn’t lived down the absolute despair when Taroumaru had interrupted your almost-kiss), and while he hadn’t prepared anything other than flowers to give you (flowers from his little garden on their balcony nonetheless), he felt as though a heartfelt confession would mean more than any gift would. And of course, there was the fear of rejection, but at this point, Thoma felt like he had at least a solid 50% chance that you returned his feelings. So all that was left was taking a leap of faith.
The two of you are at Thoma's apartment yet again. He had invited you over out of the blue, but you acquiesced easily, always eager to spend time with him. The two of you were sitting on the couch and talking, when Thoma got up for a moment, returning with a small bouquet of flowers.
"Those are beautiful, Thoma," you marveled. Not as beautiful as you, though, Thoma thought to himself. "Not as beautiful as you, though," you winked at Thoma, laughing as his jaw dropped in response. "Did you grow those yourself?" You questioned, but Thoma wasn't listening.
He blinked his eyes a couple of times, trying to process what you had said. 'Not as beautiful as you, though'. You're perfect, he thought to himself. "They're for you," he opted, taking great pleasure in the way your eyes lit up. "I wanted to ask you-"
Knock knock knock.
Thoma paused, before deciding that whoever was at the door must have the wrong address, and continued.
"We've been friends for awhile, and-"
Knock knock knock. The stranger seemed more insistent this time, and Taroumaru made his way to the door himself, prepared to bark at whoever the wannabe intruder might be.
“One moment,” Thoma told you, ready to shoo away anyone who could be at his door, praying he could save his confession somehow afterward without just making it awkward. He definitely didn’t want to spend another week dejected over another failure to confess, but none of his thoughts could prepare him for who would be on the other side.
Thoma had felt like he had all the bases covered- Ayato was out at a boba shop with Itto, Taroumaru was sleeping in his dog bed, tired after being walked less than an hour prior, and Ayaka didn't live there. Everything had been accounted for.
“Mom! What are you doing here?”
Everything had been accounted for – except, of course, his own mother.
Thoma swung open his front door, giving his mom a big hug as she smiled and greeted him, momentarily forgetting his confession being thwarted for the nth time.
“I’m on my way back home from visiting your aunt for the week and figured I’d stop by! How are you? Oh! Who’s your friend?” She asked once she saw you seated on Thoma’s couch, watching the interaction with a smile on your face, knowing how much your friend loved and respected his mother.
In that moment, though, Thoma felt his heart drop to the floor.
You hadn’t met Thoma’s mother before, but she had definitely heard of you, both first and secondhand. Thoma couldn’t go without mentioning you in conversation even if he wanted to, and Ayato and his mom had exchanged numbers back when Thoma was still a teenager in case of emergencies, and once Thoma and Ayato moved in together, Ayato and his mother simply kept in touch.
Which meant that whatever information Thoma was withholding from his mom so that she wouldn’t relentlessly tease him about his crush, was still being told to her, just from his roommate instead.
You got up from the couch, making your way over to his mother and introduced yourself happily. Thoma mentioned his mom often, especially since she raised him all on her own once his dad moved overseas for a job, and he visited her every single break and then some. Ayato would also joke that Thoma got his mischievous side from his mother, and you couldn’t help but wonder how true that was.
“Oh, so you’re the one my son and Ayato have been telling me all about,” his mom smiled at you. “It’s so good to finally meet you!”
You returned the sentiment before Thoma interrupted. “Hang on, what do you mean ‘and Ayato’?”
“Him and I facetime every Thursday during lunch! He tells me some of the things he hears you telling Taroumaru. Speaking of, hi boy!” She bent down to greet Taroumaru whose tail wagged enthusiastically. You were so endeared by the scene, thinking about how kind Thoma’s mother was, while Thoma felt like he was going through the five stages of grief.
“Have you done a good job protecting Thoma lately? Be honest, someone’s gotta protect him, is it you?” You couldn’t help but laugh as Taroumaru barked an affirmative. Thoma stuttered at his mom’s words, feeling slightly affronted at the idea of him needing protection, when he saw you agreeing wholeheartedly with her statement.
After Thoma seemed to move on from his repeated crises due to the appearance of his mother, the three of you ended up sitting at the dining table with Taroumaru at your feet. You had attempted to leave in order to let Thoma spend more time with his mom, who he got to see so rarely, but she stated there was no reason to leave. Thoma, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out if he wanted you to stay, or to leave immediately.
“So,” his mother prompted, looking at you. “Tell me about yourself! I hear so little about you from my son, he’s so stingy about information sometimes, and there’s only so much I can hear through the Taroumaru-Ayato grapevine.”
“Well, in that case, what have you heard so far?” You asked, slightly nervous.
An odd noise, like a whimper mixed with a scream, came from Thoma.
Yeah, he should have told you to leave.
The door shut behind you as you finally left Thoma’s apartment an hour later. Talking with his mom was fun, and you could now understand Ayato’s comment about her being the origin of Thoma’s mischievous side. Even with his seemingly persistent blush of embarrassment when the two of you began talking about Thoma in front of him, you could see how well they got along and how much he loved his mother. It was clear she did a good job raising him.
“Mom!! Why did you have to tell them all of that?!” Thoma despaired after you were already down the hallway. He buried his face in his hands as he sat next to his mom at the kitchen table. She gently patted him on the back as she tried to hold in her laughter.
“Which part? The stories of you as a kid, the abridged version of what Ayato told me about them, the fact that you talk about them, or the stories of you as a teenager?”
“All of them!” Thoma exclaimed, face red and blotchy. Taroumaru, as if sensing his distress, moved to sit on the floor next to him, nudging his leg. Thoma didn’t seem to feel the nudge, head still buried in his hands as he whined, causing Taroumaru to try again.
“Oh, you poor thing,” she laughed, before Thoma slumped over onto the table with his face buried in his arms. She began to soothingly pet his hair, a motion that would always calm him down. Taroumaru rested his head on Thoma’s leg in a show of support, his tail thumping against the floor indicating that everything was okay. “Are you alright?” She asked after a few moments.
“Yes,” Thoma replied, finally lifting his head. “I just like them so much, I want them to like me back,” he whined, pouting as he looked up at his mother.
“Oh, sweetheart, I think that they do like you back. Even if you’re in your 20s and whining about your crush not like-liking you back like you’re a preteen,” she jested, laughing as Thoma’s frown comically deepened.
The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Thoma questioned, “You’re not gonna tell Ayato about this, right?”
“Don’t worry sweetie, I won’t.”