Work Text:
J-Lo vs Shakira vs Beyoncé:
“ SHAKIRA,” Brick shouted as he slammed his tires on a cafeteria table.
“ J-LO,” Bobby bellowed as he stretched his axles.
“ SHAKIRA,” the Vitoline car screamed as he also stretched his axles.
“ J-LO,” Bobby hollered as he leaned forward.
Cal approached them. He was carrying a tray full of meat, fruit, and greens. The Dinoco racer raised a windshield. His friends kept screaming at each other, oblivious to the onlookers passing by.
“ What are you doing,” the petty blue car asked.
They halted their shouting match then turned to the interruptor.
“ Cal, please tell Brick J-Lo is hotter than Shakira,” Bobby urged.
“ For the last time, J-Lo’s got nothing,” Brick snapped as he faced his rival. “ Whereas Shakira is a goddess.”
“ Shakira is so overrated,” the Octane Gain racer rolled his eyes. “ J-Lo is a classic.”
Lightning approached the table. He was carrying a tray full of sandwiches and a bag of chips. The Rust-eze racer grabbed one of the sandwiches, eating it. His friends were waving their tires at one another, snarling. It was like watching two tomcats fight.
“ What's going on,” Lightning questioned.
“ J-Lo is hotter than Shakira,” the purple car growled.
“ No, Shakira is hotter than J-Lo,” the green car hissed.
“ They’re fighting over who is hotter,” Cal said with a sigh.
“ Guys, guys,” the Rust-eze racer placed his tray on the table then got between the pair. “ We all know Beyoncé is the hot one.”
“ Yeah, about as hot as an ice storm in Alaska,” Bobby scoffed.
“ At least she's better than J-Lo,” Brick commented.
“ Hey,” the Octane Gain car cried.
“ So, Cal,” the Vitoline car turned to the Dinoco racer. “ Who do you think is hotter?”
“ Uh…Don’t you think it's rude to judge these women based on their appearances,” Cal timidly spoke.
“ No,” Bobby swiftly replied.
“ Nuh-uh,” Brick uttered.
“ Not really,” Lightning stated.
“ So, again, Cal,” the purple car emphasized. “ Who do you think is hotter?”
“ To tell you the truth, I think they're all equally beautiful and we shouldn’t objectify them,” the petty blue car defended.
“ No way,” the green car snickered. “ No how! That is not going to fly!…Unless you’re not telling us something…”
He eyed his friend suspiciously.
“ You know, I've never seen him flirt, let alone hang out with a chick, not even the Dinoco babes,” Bobby noted in a hushed tone. “ It's kind of weird.”
“ Cal, are you one of those picky prudes we've been hearing about,” Brick pried.
“ Uh,” Cal went to vocalize, but was cut-off.
“ I KNEW IT,” the Vitoline car beamed, earning more stares. “ You're one of those picky prudes with high standards! They call themselves something else, but they're obviously making excuses.”
“ I'm not a picky prude,” the Dinoco racer defended with a glare.
“ Well, what are you then,” the green car shrugged. “ A guy who likes other guys?”
Cal blushed, going dead silent.
“ If that's the case, then who is hotter,” the Octane Gain car chuckled. “ Me, Brick, or Lightning?”
The Dinoco car’s face became as red as the Rust-eze car's paint. Brick smirked at him, raising a windshield. Bobby winked at him then posed. Lightning rolled his eyes, sighing. Cal's gaze lingered on Lightning.
“ Guys, he's obviously not into this,” the Rust-eze racer declared. “ Come on. Let's eat.”
Bobby and Brick turned to their trays, which were filled with burgers and fries. They chuckled to themselves. Lightning parked next to the Vitoline racer, giving him a death glare. Cal parked next to the Octane Gain car, keeping his eyes on the table. He grabbed a fork and began stuffing his face. Bobby leaned toward the petty blue car, nudging him. The Dinoco racer stayed focused on his meal.
“ So, where were we,” Lightning piped. “ Oh, yeah. Beyoncé.”
“ J-Lo,” Bobby uttered.
“ Shakira,” Brick stated.
Cal breathed a sigh of relief.
End!