Archive of Our Own

When he came to the end of this road, Akutagawa believed that he would die

He has been running so long that he is sure his legs will give out any minute now. One more step and he will collapse, bleeding in a pool of his own pain. It is not a question of whether or not he will collapse, but rather of what will give out first. Maybe his head will explode from the incessant pounding inside his skull, or maybe his ribcage will snap from the amount of pressure he feels every time he takes a breath. No, neither of those- of course his lungs will go first, weak from years of inhaling the harsh winter air with no source of heating. Perhaps, like his first prediction, his legs will simply refuse to move after surpassing a certain point of exertion.

Above all of these things, he believes death may find him through a less tangible enemy. His heart is pounding so hard he’s sure it won’t last much longer, but still his downfall might come from a different kind of heart. One that has failed to beat at the sight of pretty boys or at offers of kindness; that never skyrocketed when faced with threats or even the stench of death. No, his heart has only ever known stillness. The violin in his chest played a somber tune, a eulogy that shed no tears for the fallen. Even the first time he killed someone, the song was almost tranquil. He had to protect his sister and his friends, he couldn’t afford the great weakness of having emotions.

Now, Akutagawa feels more than he has ever felt in his life. He grieves for his fallen friends, he worries for his sister whom he left all alone in the aftermath, he feels hatred for the people who did this, he feels angry with himself for letting it all happen. Never again though. He will have his revenge, and before long he will be drinking from the necks of the wretched beasts who took his friends from him.

For the first time in his life, Akutagawa feels an emotion so clearly and vividly that it would be impossible to miss. And that emotion is called rage.

So he pushes ahead, ignoring the burning in his legs and the ache in his everything. He runs purely on that single feeling of hatred and anger and everything negative. He is going to kill them all, every last pathetic soul who dared to hurt his friends. He will feel their guts spill between his fingers and scream with the taste of their blood in his mouth. He will make them suffer, a grace they didn’t allow his fallen comrades. He will relish in their cries and laugh at their pleas for mercy- if he’s even capable of laughter anymore. He can’t recall a single time in his life when he ever has laughed, maybe a soft smile at one of the jokes his friends used to make. His words were brief, either spiteful or blunt. And he has no words to spare his current foes, not of mercy or even of hate. He won’t allow them the pleasantry of understanding why they are being hunted, they will not even have time to blink before he had torn them limb from limb. Therefore he will not laugh, will not give his victims the mercy of hearing anything remotely resembling something nice before he takes them. They will die without any feeling other than pain and confusion, just as his friends did.

The further he goes, the ache in his legs becomes harder to ignore. He almost wishes they would give out already, that the possibility of revenge would be taken from him; and he would be allowed the sweet release of a miserable death, knowing there was nothing he could have done to avenge his friends.

And, yet, he pushes on.

Eventually, he comes to the edge of the woods he tracked them down to. He slows his pace when he arrives, and suddenly he realizes just how much pain he’s in. That is good though, he decides. If there is pain, he still has a reason to keep going. So he continues, more stealthily this time. He thinks of Gin not for the first time this night, feeling guilty for leaving her behind. Before he’d left though, she’d tried to convince him not to go. She had grabbed his arm, begging him to leave it be. But there was no time to even consider a thing like that, not when there was vengeance to be had. So he left her, all by herself in the slums right after losing all of her friends.

He’ll have to make it up to her later. It won’t be easy, Gin is very stubborn when she’s been wronged, but she can’t stay mad at him forever. She is kinder than he is in that way, she is not the type to harbor anger in her soul for so long. She is content to grieve right now, but he seeks something more. A cut has been made deep inside of him, and he will not stop until he cuts the enemy back twice as deep.

If he was a more sadistic man, maybe he would leave one of them alive- their leader, perhaps. He would injure him enough to put him in severe pain, something permanent but not fatal. Then, he would leave him in the middle of the woods, surrounded by the dead bodies of his comrades. He would make him carry that weight all his life, just as Akutagawa has to. Oh, he would make him suffer. And he would forever regret ever laying a finger on his friends.

But Akutagawa is not sadistic, despite what many people seem to think, and he craves finality. If he were to leave even one of his enemies alive, he would not be able to feel satisfied with his revenge. Pain is human, and none of these monsters should be given the chance to feel or to learn anything from what they’ve done. He never quite believed himself to be human, because humans feel things and Akutagawa would not have earned his reputation as the Silent Rabid Dog if he had feelings. Now, though, he feels such extreme pain that he is sure he is just as human as his friends had been. This means he can now die happily, knowing that he lived life the same as every other miserable being and not as an alien impersonating a real person.

He does not fear death as he nears the enemy. He knows that if he dies, he will die as a human. When they die, they will die as beasts; as dogs that haunt the sewers at night, searching for a living being to sink their teeth into just to get a meal. Akutagawa will throw them no bones, will not even bat an eye as they cry out for their loved ones. Beasts impersonating human beings, how revolting. If they die as humans, it will be from the pain he makes them feel. When the black blood that fills their veins finally turns red, it will be the same red that spilled from the bodies of his friends.

Slowly, he approaches a clearing in the woods. He can feel his heartbeat pick up, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He never thought he would feel the most alive only moments before inflicting death on others. His breaths come out labored and uneven, and he has to snap his fingers at his side three times to convince himself to get a grip. He feels bloodthirsty, violence dripping from his every motion.

But when he comes to that clearing, he does not find what he expects.

Instead of seeing a gang of thieves convening over their latest kill, he sees dead bodies littering the ground. Scarlet spills onto emerald, limbs scattered about. He even sees a severed head in the distance, eyes vacant and mouth agape. It makes his stomach twist.

He recognizes these bodies no matter how torn and dismembered they appear to be. It took him a mere seconds to memorize every last detail of the men and women who murdered his friends. Their clothes, the way they wore their hair, one of them had a mole right beside his nose. He would notice them anywhere, even like this. Looking at them now, the situation could not be more clear. Somebody stole his revenge.

His expression turns into a scowl as he steps into the clearing.

Looking ahead, he can tell whoever did this caused some real damage. They must have been in an even more violent mood than he was. Perhaps this group had killed someone dear to them as well, that could only explain the amount of bloodshed that had occurred here. The way the bodies are all mauled as though they had been physically ripped apart could only be explained by one thing. The person who did this was angry.

In the middle of the clearing, sitting atop a large tree trunk, is a man with a dark coat thrown over his shoulders. He wears all black, down to even the button up shirt beneath his vest. His hair is an auburn red, and he wears a hat in the same dark color as the rest of his wardrobe, with a silver chain attached to the side. His hands are gloved, as though he is always prepared to deal in some messy business. He wears a choker around his throat, a stark contrast to the pale column of his throat. Blood is splattered against the right side of his face, which he wipes off on the back of his hand with expert practice.

Akutagawa suddenly feels as though his feet are frozen in place on the ground, throat drying up as he gazes upon the man in front of him. The world around him spins so fast that it gives him motion sickness, a faint dizziness growing inside his skull.

“What’s wrong?” Asks the man in front of him. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He gulps, gathering all of his former confidence and rage to pour into his next words. He has to choose them carefully, firm enough to stand his ground but still delicate so that he doesn’t end up like the bodies beside him.

“You stole my kill,” he accuses.

The man looks around, as though he’s just now noticing the corpses are there. “My bad then. You wanted to kill these men?”

“They killed my friends,” Akutagawa explains, with no hesitation.

A bitter expression crosses the man’s face for a split second before it’s gone so quickly that Akutagawa almost thinks he imagined it. The man straightens his posture. “They betrayed mafia orders, so I did what needed to be done.”

He bites back a gasp at that, taking a step back. He’s heard of the Port Mafia, of course, everyone in this region of the city has. The slums he was raised in are within mafia territory, it was something him and his friends always had to be aware of. As long as they kept to themselves, the mafia posed them no threat; but they still had to be aware enough of their location to understand what “keeping to themselves” entailed. Akutagawa had never tangled with the mafia himself, but he knew enough about them to understand that they were very dangerous. If this man was part of the mafia, his safest option right now would be to start running immediately. His survival instincts yell at him to move, but fear has paralyzed him beyond that.

“You’re in the mafia?” He says, mouth dry.

The man smiles, a menacing thing. “Scared?”

“Nothing scares me,” at least not much, not after watching his friends die. He has very little to lose now.

“That’s what I like to hear. You’re Akutagawa, right?”

“How do you know my name?”

“I’ve had my eye on you for a while now,” he explains, almost conversationally. “You see, I’ve recently been promoted to an executive position. As such, I am allowed to take on a protege. Your ability is quite impressive.”

His ability was the most notable thing about him. “Rashomon”, as he called it, allowed him to manipulate the fabric of his clothing into a beast-like weapon that was capable of slicing through space itself. It’s how he received his nickname, “Silent Rabid Dog.” His enemies wouldn’t even have time to hear him breathe before his ability tore them to pieces. It was the sole reason people mostly left his gang alone, they didn’t want to see Rashomon in action.

“You want to take me as a protege,” a statement, not a question.

“Correct,” the man affirms. “You’ve got potential, kid. Under my training, I have no doubt you’ll be capable of great things. I’ll even train your sister too.”

The mention of Gin feels like a strike to his heart. This man knows about the only person alive that Akutagawa cares about, the only one he has left in this entire world. That makes him a potential enemy. He’ll have to tread very carefully, putting his own life at risk is one thing but Gin’s life is an entirely different matter. If anything ever happened to her, he would have to take himself out of this world right after he took care of whoever hurt her.

“Don’t worry,” the man laughs at his expression. “I’ll make sure she’s safe. In fact, if you refuse this offer, I’ll leave the both of you alone.”

“Was this a bargain?” He inquires, gesturing to the bodies that decorate the ground beneath their feet.

“You mean taking out the guys who killed your friends? Partially. But they did betray the mafia, so I would’ve done it anyway.”

Akutagawa thinks over his response very carefully. He’s not being threatened or bargained with right now, this is a simple, honest offer. Well, as honest as an offer from a mafioso can be. Still, he needs to be precise about every response he gives. His life isn’t the only one on the line here. Surely, the mafia would be better than continuing to live on the streets. Even with his ability, he and Gin surely won’t survive another year on their own.

“What’s your name?” He asks, curious.

“Chuuya Nakahara.”

The name is another blow to the chest. In fact, of all the things this man has said to him, that name might be the most terrifying. He’s heard of Chuuya Nakahara- everyone has. The Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia. A viscous, hotheaded man with a gravity manipulation ability. He tore through his enemies like he was ripping apart pieces of paper, killing with a taunting smile on his face like it was some sort of hobby and not a necessity. He was the Port Mafia’s not-so-secret weapon, powerful enough to wipe out a whole country if he was in a bad mood.

This was the man who was offering to mentor him.

Chuuya raised an eyebrow at his silence.“So you’ve heard of me?”

“You have quite an extraordinary reputation.”

“That’s one way to put it,” he scoffs. “I’ll warn you right now, if you take me up on my offer, it won’t be easy. I’ll make Sparta look like paradise. But I want to help you and your sister reach your full potential. I believe that, under my training, you could be very useful to us. I saw the rage in your eyes when you approached me. That anger can be powerful if you learn how to utilize it.”

His words are compelling. Emotions are a new thing to Akutagaa, and he hasn’t quite decided whether he likes them or not. He doesn’t think he’ll ever come to understand them, he hardly sees the point in even trying to do so. He’s lived fourteen years without needing them, so much so that he has determined they must be useless to him. But if he can learn to weaponize his emotions, to turn his rage into strength… he might not be so useless then. He can continue to fight, to protect himself and his sister. Still, he isn’t sure what he will get out of this. There is only one thing he wants right now, the same thing he’s wanted his whole life but never had.

“Can you give me a reason to live?”

Chuuya’s smile becomes more genuine. “I can. The mafia is my home. We’ll be like a family to you.”

That’s all he needs to know.

“Then I accept.”

And thus, a new chapter of Akutagawa’s life began. He can feel the exact moments when something shifts, when everything changes and he knows that nothing will ever be the way it was before. Maybe that’s a good thing, his life so far hasn’t been ideal. At the very least, there is quite literally no way things could possibly get worse.

~

The ride to mafia headquarters is an awkward and silent one. Chuuya sits in the back of a spacious limbo across from the Akutagawa siblings, who are all huddled up together like they’re terrified of being separated. It’s almost cute, and Chuuya briefly mourns the positive relationship he never had with his own “brother”.

They’d picked Gin up in some dingy alley that Akutagawa directed the driver to. The look on the poor girl’s face when she saw her brother step out of a limbo with a mafia executive was almost comical, but laughter felt inappropriate for the situation. It had taken some convincing to get her inside the limbo, but she seemed to trust her brother well enough. They were both clearly very shaken up, which he can’t fault them for. He knows that trauma will be useful though, even when it becomes a weight they can never seem to shake. Chuuya is excited to be training both of them, even if he might need some extra help doing so. He’s always gotten along with women really well, and Gin looks like she can fight. He wonders how she’d do with a knife… But he doesn’t want to overwhelm the kids just yet.

Alright, maybe “kids” isn’t the most appropriate word to use- Akutagawa is only two years younger than he is. Gin is supposedly one year younger than her brother, so they’re not too far out of his own age range. It doesn’t make much of a difference to him though, everyone younger than him looks like a baby in his eyes. Maybe he’s still stuck in that mindset of being a leader. The transition between “Chuuya Nakahara, King of the Sheep” and “Chuuya Nakahara, Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia”, had not been a smooth one, and it took him a while to let his old life go.

His eyes darken as he thinks back to those days. He still has no idea how Mori found him, but the man needed a witness and he somehow knew Chuuya’s exact weakness. He kidnapped two of his friends and threatened to kill them if Chuuya didn’t help him out. He thought they’d be let go after that, but things only got messier after the old boss was killed. He was allowed to reunite with Shirase and Yuan, but they were not immediately let go like he thought they would be. Instead, Mori ended up sending the three of them on a mission together to investigate the supposed reappearance of the former boss. It had been a difficult mission, but ultimately Chuuya was too powerful to be taken down.

He fights back the urge to laugh at that thought. Back then he hadn’t even known just how strong he was- how strong he could become. He was just a loud kid with an attitude and no past. Well, perhaps that much hasn’t changed, but he’s made something of himself now. Joining the mafia had been a last resort; after the Sheep betrayed him, Shirase, and Yuan, they’d had nowhere else to go. But the three of them stuck together, and they made the most of their circumstances. The past year has undoubtedly been the hardest of Chuuya’s life- losing the Flags, learning more about his past than he ever wanted to, and then the absolute nightmare that was the Dragon’s Head Conflict. Yeah, he’s changed more this year than most people do in two decades. But it reminded him of where he belongs and who he has become. He got a promotion out of it, and through it all he still has Yuan and Shirase.

He’s a real person now, in a way he wasn’t before. He can see it in the way he dresses, the hobbies he’s taken up, the things he’s accomplished, and all the people he’s met; even the ones that he’s lost. When he looks in the mirror, he more-or-less knows who he is.

His attention turns back to the Akutagawa siblings, who are currently wrapped up in the coat he was formerly wearing. He’d given it to Akutagawa before they got in the limbo as a sort of welcome-gift. They’re both dressed in ragged, tattered clothes right now. He’ll have to fix that, just like Kouyou helped him dress better when he first joined.

There’s a cigarette burning out in his gloved hand- a habit he picked up from Mori. He puts it out when the kids begin to cough from the smoke, grumbling slightly. It’s been a long day, he’s earned a quick smoke; but he’s sure these kids aren’t healthy. The last thing they need to be doing is inhaling smoke. He’ll be sure to get them some medical checkups sometime this week. Training will start tomorrow, but he still plans on giving them time to adjust to their new environment. He already has a cozy apartment picked out for the two of them to share, only two streets away from his. If they decide they each want their own space someday, he’ll pay for the separate accommodations.

“Are you kids comfortable?” He asks.

They both jump slightly at the sound of his voice, and he allows himself a slight smirk at the nervous behavior.

“Relax,” he puts his hands up, disarmingly. “I don’t bite.”

Akutagawa regards him carefully, as though he doesn’t trust the statement. “We’re comfortable,” he confirms.

“Sure you don’t want anything? Wine, soda, candy? I can turn up the heater if you’re cold.”

“We’re fine, thank you,” Akutagawa’s tone is curt, but he doesn’t comment on it.

“What about you?” He gestures to the girl. “Do you talk?”

Gin’s face turns red. “I do.”

“Well, are you comfortable?’

“I am.”

“Good,” he leans back in his seat.

He regards the girl with a calculated eye. She looks agile, and there’s some muscle in her arms. Given the proper training, she might excel as a member of the Black Lizard someday. Akutagawa is more of a wildcard though, driven by rage and despair. Chuuya hasn’t had a chance to see either of them fight yet, so they should probably start with a bit of sparring during their first session tomorrow. That will help him determine the type of training they each need. It would be best to train them separately, though he’s sure the boy will have some complaints about that. Verlaine might be able to help him train Gin so he can focus more of his attention on Akutagawa, although he isn’t too inclined to ask the man for assistance. Perhaps Kouyou, then…

Those are thoughts for another time. Yuan keeps telling him he needs to slow down, that he tries to tackle too many things all at once. You don’t become the youngest executive in mafia history by slacking off, Chuuya is very aware of this. He’s not as calculating as Mori, and he’s sure that if he wasn’t as close with the man he wouldn’t have climbed the ladder so fast. That, and he has a very powerful ability. He’s luckier than most, and he is more than aware of that privilege. The last thing he wants to do is to bring shame to his position by making a dumb mistake. All that stress though… it keeps him on edge. He’s become more explosive lately, less hinged. He’ll have to keep himself in check, now would be the worst time to mess up.

“Have a soda,” he tosses two cans in Akutagawa’s direction, watching as the siblings blink down at the cold beverages. Sugar is probably a luxury for them, he realizes. The oldest picks one up hesitantly, regarding it with mild curiosity before opening it and handing it off to his sister. He spares a glance in Chuuya’s direction before opening his own.

They arrive at mafia headquarters before too long. He doesn’t plan on starting their training until tomorrow, but he would like to introduce them to the boss before he checks out of work for the night. He’ll take them straight to their new apartment afterwards; he’s already itching to get back to his own. Setting this unusual meeting up took a lot out of him, more than he would like to admit. He needs a hot shower and a very long nap. To make matters worse, he has to be at work earlier than usual tomorrow.

The familiar sight of the five tallest buildings in the city never fails to bring a smile to his face. This place may make him miserable somedays, but it’s home nonetheless. Sometimes he wonders what his life could have been like if things had gone differently, but he’s made the most of the circumstances he’s been dealt and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The Akutagawa siblings both gape at the view in front of them, both looking like they just saw a pig grow wings and take off. Chuuya allows himself a harsh laugh at that, shaking his head. These kids may be strange, but he could never call them boring.

“Do you plan on standing there and staring all night or would you like to go inside?” He slaps Akutagawa on the shoulder, surprised at the way the kid jolts in response.

The dark haired boy glares at him. “I assume it isn't protocol for us to let ourselves in.”

“You two work here now,” Chuuya points out. “You can let yourselves in anytime unless the boss ever tells you otherwise.”

“Right.”

Chuuya doesn’t wait for the kids to follow him as he makes his way towards the building. The guards at the front doors nod at him when he walks in. He can’t even remember the last time he was stopped by one of them, he has access to every floor and room in the building. Even if he didn’t, they all know him well enough by now to know that setting him off on the wrong day could lead to one of them getting their head blown off.

He notices when he steps into the lobby area of the building that the Akutagawa siblings are still with him, a pleasant surprise. Part of him expected to have to turn back around and drag them inside.

“So what do you think?”

“It’s beautiful,” Gin breathes.

“It’s warm,” Akutagawa adds.

“Well, it’s freezing outside,” Chuuya hums. “And your clothes don’t exactly provide much protection. Anywhere with heating is going to feel warm right now.”

“Can you get us new clothes?” Gin asks, hopeful.

“I already stocked the wardrobes at your apartment. I wasn’t sure which room each of you would want so feel free to switch them out.”

“You got us an apartment?” Akutagawa interjects.

Chuuya shifts his eyes. “No, I was gonna throw you out back on the streets after hiring you. Of course I got you an apartment, I’m your mentor now.”

He has to admit, his heart does ache a bit for these kids. They’ve clearly led very rough lives, and that statement is large coming from him. They have experienced so little kindness that they honestly expected to be left entirely on their own even after Chuuya picked them up. He almost feels bad for bringing them to a place like this, but they would’ve been worse off if he’d left them in the slums. The environment is rough, but maybe he can still make it good for them. They’ll both need lots of praise and encouragement to keep going, so he’ll be sure to point out their strengths.

He starts towards the elevator, but pauses when he hears his name called.

“Chuuya! We were wondering when you’d get back.”

Ah. Shirase and Yuan were the last people he expected to see at this hour of the night. Usually they both tried to leave early, completely opposite to his own workaholic method. They run up to him now, like they caught him at just the right moment.

The three of them have all changed significantly since they joined the mafia, albeit in different ways. Shirase and Yuan still wore their hair the same way they always had, whereas Chuuya was growing his out. His wardrobe had become completely formal, Shirase had matured from loose t-shirts to turtlenecks, and Yuan dressed more casually in clothes most suited for combat. He remembers when they were all in t-shirts, jeans, and signature jackets. Shirase still wore his old one, which Chuuya was silently grateful for. He needed at least some sense of familiarity.

Appearances aside, they had all matured a lot over the past two years. Chuuya feels ten years older than he was at fifteen, but he can tell he isn’t the only one of them who’s changed. Shirase is still a bit of a hothead, but he’s learned to slow down. He prides himself on being a tech guy, but even within that field he still has a lot to learn. He also listens more than he used to- he still argues with Chuuya’s orders for show, but he tends to concede without much fanfare. As for Yuan, she has more of a combative role in the mafia that’d hardened her a bit. She’s braver than she used to be, less timid. Despite this, she’s even more affectionate with the two of them than she was before. They’ve always been that way with each other, craving a comfort they were never given as children. They all need that now more than ever, so Chuuya can’t really fault her for being clingy.

“Why are you guys still here?” He barks, no bite behind it.

“We wanted to meet your new protege,” Shirase explains.

“So you waited here all night? Dumbasses.”

“Is this his sister?” Yuan coos.

“Her name is Gin,” Chuuya explains. “And they’re both mine, so back off.”

“Harsh,” Shirase laughs. “So you’re Akutagawa?”

The younger boy blinks at him, face hard. “We both are.”

“Right, my bad. You’re Ryuunosuke then?”

“Don’t call me that.”

Chuuya sighs. As happy as he is to see his friends, he really doesn’t have time for this. He’d planned to introduce the siblings to their new boss and then be on his way. This is derailing his schedule, which isn’t normally something he’d complain about but he already doesn’t get enough sleep as it is.

Still, it will be good for the kids to know people going into this. He knows firsthand how overwhelming it is here when you first join, and he wouldn’t want them to feel like they’re going in blind. He also knows he’s not the most welcoming person, and neither is the boss; so maybe it’s a good thing Shirase and Yuan decided to stick around and meet them.

“Are you taking them to meet the boss?” Yuan asks.

“That’s the plan.”

Akutagawa’s head snaps in his direction. “You never told us that.”

“What did you think we were doing here? Playing pool? I swear, I will never understand what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“Would you like me to kill you where you stand?”

Gin grabs her brother’s arm, clearly used to dealing with his hostile nature. Chuuya simply stares him down, unimpressed.

“Not the best idea, kid,” Yuan says. “Chuuya here is the best martial artist in the mafia.”

“That information is irrelevant.”

“That information is very relevant,” Chuuya corrects. “And I will gladly teach you why tomorrow. But right now, we’re going to meet the boss. Unless you’re second-guessing your decision?”

When he receives no response, Chuuya decides he’s won this argument.

“Looks like you’re smart after all,” he grins. “Sorry to cut this introduction short, but we’re on a tight schedule here. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Chuuya!”

“Say hi to the boss for us,” Shirase snickers.

In the short time he’s been in the mafia, Chuuya has managed to memorize the layout of this building by heart. He spent almost every hour of the day here, showing up early and leaving late more often than not. Most would probably find that lifestyle unnerving, but Chuuya had a constant need to keep moving. If he stayed idle for too long, he got restless. This was something even the boss made fun of him for, but the teasing didn’t shake him in the slightest. He was proud of his work method, even if it wore him out most days. He’d rather be tired than overrun with unused energy, and his stamina was high enough that it took a lot to wear him out. After losing the Flags, it admittedly became somewhat of a coping mechanism. He had to keep his mind occupied, or else he would have gone insane by now. There were things he couldn’t afford to think about for too long, it was as simple as that.

Mori recognized this and helped by giving him a heavier workload throughout the week. He could complete tasks with superhuman speed if he put his mind to it, unless it was paperwork. If he needed to carry out an interrogation or rip a couple guys apart, he could do so without breaking a sweat. He didn’t mind much when things became too stressful. If anything, he enjoyed the challenge and the benefits he saw from it. The more Chuuya wore himself out, the more the mafia flourished.

The elevator ride up to the top floor is always a tedious one, and Chuuya considers using his ability to speed it up every time. He doesn’t want to deal with Mori’s wrath if he accidentally breaks something though, so he always ends up enduring it.

His eyes dart back to the siblings, who are still clinging together like their lives depend on it. It makes sense- they’re about to meet a mafia boss, the poor kids must be terrified. A mean part of Chuuya wants to tease them about it and, well, he hasn’t indulged himself enough today.

“Nervous?”

“No,” Akutagawa deadpans.

“Good, don’t be. The boss can sense that sort of thing.”

Their eyes widen in unison and it takes every ounce of Chuuya’s self control not to burst out laughing.

“He might try to fight you as an initiation, so be prepared in case that happens.”

“You’re lying,” Gin snaps.

Chuuya grins. “Am I?”

She pales, moving closer to her brother. If Chuuya was capable of feeling a thing like guilt, he would surely regret scaring a young girl so badly. Fortunately, you don’t survive in the mafia this long by feeling such things.

“Leave Gin alone,” Akutagawa frowns. “I can tell you’re trying to intimidate us, but it won’t work.”

Pride swells in Chuuya’s chest. These kids are tougher than he thought.

“You'll fit in here just fine then.”

Chuuya always wanted a younger sister or brother. He’d viewed some of the Sheep that way, but that had been an unfortunate mistake on his part. Shirase and Yuan both mean the world to him, but he’s not sure if he’d put those labels on them. Part of why he’d been so excited to have a protege is so he could have someone to look out for in a brotherly way. Technically he only needed one, but he’d be more than happy to take on Gin as well. He enjoys messing with them like this, and he can’t help but hope that they someday begin to look up to him.

His childhood had robbed him of a family, but the mafia gave him a second chance to experience that. Mori often treated him like a son, and Kouyou had always acted like a mother or older sister figure to him. Hirotsu also looked out for him, with more care than Mori or Kouyou did. In fact, he seemed to be the only one who recognized that Chuuya was still technically a child. Relationships in the mafia were a bit strained for self-explanatory reasons, but Chuuya liked to believe that he fit in well here. He hopes he can make the Akutagawa's feel at home here, just like he always has.

Suddenly, he realizes he forgot to give Gin a welcome gift. It was a tradition here to pass down an item you owned to whoever you recruited. He reaches into one of his pockets, pulling out a knife he used frequently. It looked pretty enough and was more than useful, he even considered it to be his favorite. He could stand to part with it.

“Here,” he holds it out towards Gin. “You’re part of the mafia now, you’ll need this. The boss is a bit of a creep, so I would recommend keeping it on you.”

“Is that another joke?” She asks, cautiously.

“Nope.”

Gin regards the knife hesitantly, glancing towards her brother before taking it.

“Thank you.”

“Why don’t I get a weapon?” Akutagawa hisses.

“I gave you my coat,” Chuuya shrugs. “And your ability should be more than enough.”

He grumbles something under his breath that Chuuya doesn’t catch. Chuuya opens his mouth to ask what he said, but he is cut off by the elevator dinging to announce that they’ve arrived at the top floor.

Chuuya leads the way to Mori’s office, nodding at the guards that occupy the hallway. He is familiar with the two that watch the entrance, enough so that they part for him immediately when he approaches.

When he knocks, it is more out of courtesy than anything else. He could get away with just walking in, but he has enough respect for the boss that he keeps up with the formalities.

“Yes?” Calls the voice from inside.

“It’s me,” Chuuya responds. “I’ve got some people I’d like you to meet.”

“Come in then.”

Akutagawa and Gin are practically shaking in their boots now, although they’re doing their best to hide it. It would probably be convincing to anyone who hasn’t been taught to pick up on such signs. They’ve both had a very long day, far more eventful than his has been. They just watched all their friends die, and now they’ve been recruited by a mafia executive. It must be unimaginably overwhelming, so Chuuya spares a look of sympathy in their direction before he opens the door.

The large room impresses him every time he sees it. Him and Mori share a love for interior design, so Chuuya always takes time to appreciate the layout of the room when he comes here. The intricate carpet design, floor-length windows, and the artwork on the walls. The area is spacious but well-furnished. Chuuya prefers a more modern look, but he enjoys the vintage aesthetic that the boss is partial to.

He has many memories in this room. Waiting around for instructions and making plans when he first joined; spending hours studying the books Mori made him read; reporting here before and after missions. He was closer to the boss than others, so this office was a place he almost felt at home in. That didn’t mean he was exempt from the usual intimidation people felt whenever they walked in here- Mori was still his boss. There were days, however, when he could relax inside this room. Sit back and listen to whatever classical music Mori put on, or look over mission reports while sitting in the chair that faced the window.

Mori sits at his desk on the far end of the room, bag packed beside him as an indicator that he was close to leaving before Chuuya arrived. Looks like they got here just in time.

“What a splendid surprise,” Mori smiles, eyes tired. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Boss, this is Ryuunosuke and Gin Akutagawa, my new proteges,” Chuuya announces.

Mori tilts his head, examining both of them. The boss always had more of a calculated eye than he did, Chuuya can hardly imagine all he is able to analyze about them just based on their appearances. He moves aside, allowing Mori a good look at them. One negative word, and he might be forced to send them away. The boss trusts his judgment, but he could just as easily shut him down.

The kids look nervous under Mori’s critical gaze. Gin, especially, looks uncomfortable, and Chuuya realizes he probably shouldn’t have made that earlier comment about Mori being a creep. Too late to do anything about it now though, so he just hopes that their combined anxiousness isn’t too visible.

“How cute,” Mori determines, after what feels like an eternity.

Chuuya’s shoulders relax. “Did you look over the files I sent you?”

It would have been a stupid move to recruit these two without letting the boss know anything about them first; so every piece of information Chuuya found on them prior to meeting was copied and sent directly to Mori. That was done less out of courtesy and more out of a survival instinct. The boss would surely have his head if he kept him in the dark about such major plans.

“I did,” he confirms. “And I was very impressed. Needless to say, I approve of your decision.”

His tone is overly pleasant, which puts Chuuya on edge. Mori is normally more critical of him than of anyone else, so receiving his approval so quickly feels suspicious. Normally, whenever Mori is so quick to be tolerable, it’s a trick. There’s some unspoken thing he expects Chuuya to pick up on, and if he doesn’t deal with it now he’ll have to deal with it later. Or, he could genuinely have nothing negative to say. It’s hard to tell with the boss.

Mori is a complicated man. Chuuya doesn’t think he will ever understand him, no matter how hard he tries. He cares about his employees, but he places logic above all else. If someone needs to be hurt or sacrificed for the betterment of the mafia, he will not hesitate to act. He had taken Chuuya in when he was only fifteen, initially against his will; but he had done everything in his power to help him succeed and feel at home here. Chuuya looks up to the man, but he fears him at the same time. He supposes that is the natural boss/employee dynamic in the mafia.

“Is that all?” He can’t help but ask.

“What more do you want me to say?” Mori raises an eyebrow. “You brought them here to meet me, and now we’ve met. No need to overcomplicate it. As long as they’re good, we have no problems.”

“Otherwise…?”

“Otherwise, I expect you to throw them out immediately and you will be punished accordingly for your miscalculation. Any other questions?”

Chuuya stills. Last time he “miscalculated”, Mori injected him with medication that put him in excruciating pain for three hours straight. The memory is still fresh on his mind- crying out in an empty, locked room while he was strapped to a chair. His hands clench and unclench inside his pockets and he swallows thickly.

“No more questions,” Chuuya clarifies. “Thank you for your time.”

“I look forward to working with you,” Akutagawa speaks up.

A rush of panic hits Chuuya immediately. He should have told them not to speak unless they were directly addressed; in all fairness, he thought the rule was too obvious to be stated out loud. If either of them make even one wrong move, it will reflect badly on him. And now, when he’s just been promoted, is a crucial time. He absolutely cannot afford to make himself look bad or to make even small mistakes. It would be unprofessional, and Mori would likely consider it ungrateful. He would be accused of taking his current position for granted, and he might be punished or even demoted if the mistake is too severe.

Mori’s smile only grows. “As do I. I trust you will impress me.”

“We will,” Gin assures.

“Good,” Mori claps. “You are dismissed.”

Chuuya doesn’t hesitate to move, leaving as quickly as he can without seeming rude. Mori and Kouyou both used to criticize him constantly for his bad manners, so he has done his best to improve them now that he’s been promoted. He’ll have to help Akutagawa and Gin with that as well.

Leaving the building is a bit of a blur as his mind replays the interaction over and over again. Technically, it went well, but for a split second he had made Mori’s voice grow stern. He hopes the boss lets it slide, that he doesn’t bring it up after this. Either way, if the next mission he receives is a bit too risky, he’ll know why.

Up until now, he’s been trying to engage the kids in smalltalk in order to get to know them better. But on the drive back, the three of them are completely silent. The meeting may have been short, but any conversation with Mori is intense. Somehow, Akutagawa and Gin look more relaxed now, sitting more comfortably beside each other. He’ll take that as a good sign.

The night sky looks down on them as they pass through the city. Chuuya is comfortable with that darkness, it makes up every component of his being. His brown eyes once so deceptively warm, now turned sharp and lifeless. He once blazed with the power of a thousand suns, now he exists as the sky he looks up at devoid of any stars or moon. He doesn’t consider that a good thing or a bad thing, it is simply who he is. There is no point in wishing he were someone else, because his life will always be what it is. Besides, Chuuya has it good right where he is. He has a high-paying job, more power than he knows what to do with, and his friends by his side. But, then again…

He will never know who he is. When he looks in the mirror, he sees only the face of a man whose life has been stolen from him. Someone he could have been, yet will never meet. He tries to make the most of who he is right now, but he can’t help but wonder who he might be if he was never taken to that lab. If there was no Arahabaki, no N, no Sheep, no Verlaine, no Port Mafia. What could his life have been like if he was only Chuuya Nakahara?

He will never know himself, and that is his weight to carry.

Those are things he can’t think about though. It hurts sometimes, so much so that he thinks it might never stop hurting. But he has made something of himself, and every time he’s been knocked down he’s stood back up and kept fighting. Worrying about “what ifs” will only pull him away from reality. He isn’t unhappy with his life, and what he wants more than anything is to move forward. He wouldn’t rather be someone else, because then he wouldn’t be where he is right now. If he had time to heal, to collect the broken pieces of himself, he is sure he could be extremely happy. But he can’t afford to be left alone with his thoughts for too long. It leads him down dangerous roads, and the last thing he needs right now is to fall apart.

He will always be who he is, lightyears away from who he could have been. And he hasn’t quite decided if he’s happy with that.

~

The apartment Chuuya got them is nice, if a little crowded. The front door opens to a large living room, already fully furnished modernly. There is a blue couch that looks soft and spacious enough to fall asleep on, facing a wide television. A wooden coffee table is sat between the two, a stack of magazines sat in one corner. Behind the living room is a kitchen, also of impressive size. Everything in this apartment was clearly chosen with the idea that there would be two people living here in mind, which is why the furniture takes up more space than it normally would. There isn’t enough space in the kitchen for a table, but there is an island for cooking. On the right side of the space is the bedroom Ryuunosuke has been set up in, connected to the only bathroom. On the left, is the room Gin has been given.

It’s all a little overwhelming to her. She’s never been given so much space to call her own. There is a queen sized bed and large wardrobe already stocked with a few outfits for her to choose from. There is a desk against one wall, but other than that it is fairly plain. Chuuya probably expected them to want to decorate the place themselves, which Gin doesn’t know the first thing about, but she appreciates the gesture nonetheless. She has also been given a cellphone and a laptop, so she will take the time tomorrow to look up ways to decorate an apartment. Ryuunosuke surely won’t, but maybe the two of them can go shopping together.

Their fridge and cabinets have all been stocked with food, so Ryuunosuke uses the microwave to heat them up bowls of ramen. They eat in silence, unsure of what to say after such an eventful day. Afterwards, Gin takes a very long shower.

She tries to imagine that the facet can rid her of everything she’s seen today. That, as dirt flows down the drain, so does the blood of her friends. Every scar she’s ever received from a rough encounter in the slums, every scratch from sleeping on the ground, erased. All the painful memories, experiences that made her tougher than she needs to be, washed away by the steady flow of warm water.

When she towels off, those memories are still with her. The experiences are still a part of her, they make her who she is. She doesn’t want it to be that way, wishes she could make herself over and build herself out of nothing but good things. She longs for a softer, more comprehensible life. If only things were fair, if only the world made sense, then she might have a kinder past.

But there is no sense in feeling shame over who she is. Her scars are signs of survival, something to be proud of. She can win any fight with skin made of nails and fists hard as rocks. And still, those rough edges do not stop her from feeling things like empathy and concern. She is multifaceted, a full constellation made up of all her life experiences that cannot be defined by a single star. Even if there have been moments she is ashamed of, things she would like to erase, she will wear those stars with pride.

This place is strange. For the first time in her life, she feels a soft mattress against her back. The blanket is soft too, made of cotton. She feels clean, washed with the strawberry scented soap and shampoo that Chuuya put in their shower. She can’t even remember the last time she went to bed full, let alone with the taste of ramen fresh in her mouth. She wears a loose white nightgown that she found in the closet, and it feels like a cloud against her skin.

The room is dark, but her eyes adjust enough to make out the ceiling above her. A strong, well-built roof; one they won’t have to worry about caving in on them. This is also the first time she has gone to sleep without her brother and her friends by her side for warmth. It certainly is a day for new experiences

The thought of her friends is enough to bring tears to her eyes. She has held those tears back all day, but she will not be like her brother. Ryuunosuke internalizes his emotions so much that he cannot make sense of them, he refuses to allow himself to feel or to cry. The only feeling he can seem to make sense of is rage, but she sees that he feels so much more. He used to be so kind to their friends, even though he didn’t realize it. He is kind to her too, so often. He worries, and he gets sad sometimes. She sees all of that, but somehow he does not.

Gin cannot imagine being that closed off. She sees how it hurts Ryuunosuke and she wants to help him, but she needs to face her own emotions headfirst. She doesn’t want to weaponize her emotions, she only wants to feel them. The mafia will be a great opportunity for her and her brother, but she wants to embrace that environment instead of falling victim to it. Moreover, she doesn’t want to lose herself.

She knows how to be tough, and has always been stronger than she looks. She will be as strong as the mafia needs her to be, but she wants to be in control of that strength. Her brother loses himself to his anger, she wants to own hers. What happened today will always haunt her, but she will not run from it. The death of her friends, their screams and their blood will always be a part of her. Instead of living off of that though, she must learn to understand it.

She pulls out the knife Chuuya gave her, examining it. It is very pretty, and it looks useful. She used to carry a knife on her, but she lost it sometime ago. Relearning how to use one shouldn’t be too difficult. Becoming a master will take a lot of practice, but it is something she is willing to dedicate herself to. She will make the most of the circumstances she has been dealt, and she will become a master of everything they teach her.

Gin wasn’t really sure what she thought of Chuuya yet. He saved her and her brother from spending the rest of their lives in the slums, and for that she will forever owe him everything. He had a chip on his shoulder, and he apparently liked to tease them. At first she’d been terrified of him, but she thinks now that she might end up liking him a lot. He was tough, but he held no malice towards them, and Gin admired that.

She slips the knife under her pillow, folding her hands over her stomach and returning her gaze to the ceiling. Loneliness is an unfamiliar feeling to her, despite all the awful emotions she has felt before. Through all the darkness of her life, she has never had to tackle anything alone. Ryuunosuke was always there, and their friends were too. Now their friends are gone, taken from them so quickly that Gin didn’t even have time to scream before they were gone. If she hadn’t grabbed Ryuunosuke and pulled him out of that room in time, he would be dead right now too. It’s a horrifying thought, one that she immediately pushes away. She should be grateful that they made it out alive and together, and that Chuuya found them. Even grief comes with small graces.

The bed is too comfortable. She tosses and turns and never finds the right angle, used to the roughness of the ground and the solace of crowded spaces. She feels unbearably isolated like this, curling in on herself to find some shred of comfort. The house is warm but Gin feels so, so cold.

Eventually, she becomes fed up with the loneliness and sits up on the edge of her bed. She is still in the most awkward, middle stages of puberty so her feet don’t quite touch the ground yet. Life on the streets halted both her and Ryuunosuke’s development, so they both look a few years younger than they actually are. They are pale and sickly looking, resembling ghosts more than real people.

When she first stands, she doesn’t really know where she’s going. All she knows is that she’s both tired and restless, she needs to walk around and she needs to not be alone. Her large bedroom feels incredibly alienating right now; she has had a frankly horrible day and she doesn’t think it’s too much to ask to have company for her misery.

Her footsteps bring her to Ryuunosuke’s room, and she gives the door a hesitant knock. She doesn’t know why she knocks, it’s only her brother. But if Ryuunosuke shut his door, it’s probably for a reason. She had left her own door open, both before and after she left the room. Maybe he wants privacy and will tell her to go away. Even so, it will be worth a shot.

She realizes as she stands there, hand on the doorknob, that she's shaking. Rather from fear or grief, she isn’t sure. She feels incredibly overwhelmed by all that has happened today, as though neither her mind nor her body can handle what she’s experienced. Her face is wet, and she distantly notices that she never stopped crying.

“You can come in, Gin,” Ryuunosuke’s voice is so reassuring that it’s almost painful. She feels another dam break inside of her, and suddenly there’s another wave of tears pouring down her face.

She flings the door open, throwing herself onto the bed and grabbing a pillow to sob into. She doesn’t even stop to greet her brother or not shut the door behind her, too preoccupied with her own thoughts. Ryuunosuke’s bed is overly soft just like her own, but it is warm. She knows that her brother is beside her, watching her sadly. He never judged anyone in their group for crying, only scolding them if it got in the way of important tasks. Gin has always been decent at regulating her emotions, but that required allowing them to spill out when necessary.

A cold arm wraps around her, pulling her close.

Neither of them are very affectionate people, and as siblings their hugs are always mildly awkward. Even now, she laughs at how stiffly he hugs her. They slept closest to each other among the group during winters, always at the center and surrounded by their dear friends. That former warmth is gone now, and all they have is each other. Neither of them were fans of physical contact, only in severe situations or emotional moments like this. They often stood or slept close to each other out of habit, but they both respected the concept of personal space. But when the world comes crashing down around them, they will hug.

“I’m sorry.”

She looks up at him through wet lashes, startled by the words. She knows what he’s apologizing for, the elephant in the room. In the aftermath of their friends’ slaughter, he had left her all alone in an alley to go seek revenge. She had grabbed his arm, begging him not to go, and he pushed her away without a second thought. That desperation is fresh in her mind, how the mixture of panic and horror had strangled her. Right after the carnage, she’d been separated from the only person she cared for who was still alive. She had wanted him to cry with her, to comfort her, but instead he was so overcome with rage that he abandoned her at the most crucial moment of their lives. When he returned, he brought a mafia executive with him.

She sat alone in that alley for so long. Knees to her chest, arms wrapped around herself, terrified of someone walking by and killing her just as they had her friends. Images of bloodied bodies and ripped limbs fresh in her mind, not knowing if her brother had joined them. She was frozen in place on the ground, back against the cold brick wall. Strangers passed her, not even sparing her a glance. One man tried to mug her but she dealt a punch straight to his nose before he could even get two sentences out. She must have gotten lucky, because he left her alone after that. Hours passed by and the sky turned black, blocking out all the light from her life. At one point, she had been so sure that her brother was dead. She even considered going to look for him, but she couldn’t make herself move. If he never returned, she is sure she would have died like that; unmoving in that alley, eyes fixed on the ground, trapped in time. No, she doesn’t think she ever would have moved. She would have stayed like that until somebody killed her or she starved to death. That could have been her fate.

“It’s okay,” she says. “I forgive you.”

Because he’s still her brother, and she can’t stay mad at him forever. There would be no point in it. So much has happened since then that she’s barely had time to concentrate on it anyway. And if he hadn’t left, they never would have met Chuuya. They would have died together in the streets, never knowing that things could have been different. Their lives will never be the same, but compared to how things were, Gin thinks that’s a good thing.

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.”

Ryuunosuke exhales, and for a moment she thinks he might be crying. That would be a good thing, he never cries. But when she looks at him, there are no tears on his face. She frowns.

“I left you,” he says, as though she wasn’t aware of that. “For so long. And right after… I cannot even begin to imagine what you felt.”

“It’s over now,” her tone is reassuring, almost like she’s speaking to herself. “We have more important things to worry about. We start training tomorrow, let’s focus on that.”

He is silent for a moment, contemplating her words. She wouldn’t say this just to save him the guilt, and he knows that. When she says she forgives him, she truly means it.

“Are you angry with me?”

“Yes.”

“And yet you still forgive me?”

“I’ll get over it.”

Not because she has to, but because she wants to. She hates being mad at her brother, and they need each other now more than ever. They were born to a poor family and their parents were ill long before they died, so they’ve always had to rely on each other. That was a difficult time in their lives, and Gin is sure she would have died if she’d been alone. They were both so hungry, and they didn’t know how to fight for food yet. It was because of Ryuunosuke that they were able to go on, that they eventually found a group to stick with. He’s her older brother, and as much as they aggravate each other, they’ve always protected each other. They will move on from this just like they’ve moved on from everything else.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he continues. “When I accepted the offer, I didn’t ask for your input. If you don’t want to work for the mafia, I can manage it alone. Only one of us really needs to do it if we want enough money to live off of.”

“I want to,” she insists. “Believe me, I would rather be doing this than anything else. The circumstances aren’t ideal, but I want to make something of myself at the mafia.”

He gives her a long, contemplative look before responding. “I see.”

He relaxes against the bed, keeping one arm thrown loosely around her shoulders. It is still somewhat awkward, but comforting at the same time. She thinks she will be able to fall asleep easily like this, and they will both need a lot of rest for tomorrow.

Slowly, she feels her worries fade. The raging storm inside of her has been quietened, and though it will not wash away all of the scars, it comforts her for now. She has lost nearly everything, but she’s gained a lot in the process. It is difficult to believe, but those two things can coexist. They are stars that make up the same constellation that is Gin Akutagawa, and they make her who she is.

“Ryuu?”

“Yes, Gin?”

“Never leave me again.”

“I won’t.”