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He didn't remember the day he realized how juicy Seonghwa's lips were, but he knew that, since an unknown moment in their second year as a group, he had a hyper fixation on his best friend's lips. At first, he tried to brush it off as if he was somehow jealous of how perfect the lips' shape was and how well they fit in Seonghwa's face. But somewhere between here and there, he realized that he didn't only find attractive that part of his body but Seonghwa as a whole individual was charming.
He always knew Seonghwa was handsome, all the members were, and he wasn't blind to deny it. But there was a day when Hongjoong, sitting in the solitude of his studio, had an awakening and, almost forced, accepted he liked Soonghwa as more than a friend. Not that he'd ever say it out loud and ruin whatever strange relationship was between them. He could just admire from afar, right?
Wrong.
Not long since he realized his feelings he got an excited Seonghwa in their shared room unpacking a package full of make-up that he had been waiting for a long time. His dear best friend had got interested in make-up after one of their stylists noonas had come with a quite elaborated eye make-up up with curious bright eyeliner shapes. All of them had their fair share of make-up, but it wasn't necessary to own every single product when they always got styled in their company. And that's what actually pushed Seonghwa to buy multiple colours of products to experiment on their days off.
This wasn't the problem Hongjoong had, tho. His problem started when Seonghwa, excitedly with the bright eyes that always drove him crazy, showed him his new lipglosses that weren't only beautifully pigmented but also had sweet scents. He didn't want to let his mind wander to dangerous places of his lips wrapped around the glossy ones Seonghwa had, but Hwa seated in front of him doing swatches on his own lips wasn't helping either.
"... And this is the last one, it is cherry scented and gives to the lips a discreet garnet tone." Hwa smacked his lips a few times to make the thick liquid expand. "Lately I have my lips quite dry so I hope this will help me." He said mindlessly while organizing his new stuff in a bag. Hongjoong felt his throat go dry, unable to take his eyes off the glistening lips the older had. He wondered when were they dry as the other had said, because when they looked always soft and bright.
"I'm sorry, this must be boring to you," Seonghwa blushed a little when he realized he got carried away with that topic. He knew that he always could talk about anything with Hongjoong and the other wouldn't judge him for it, but deep down he didn't want to annoy his best friend with silly things—Hongjoong would probably tell him off for being so negative, so he kept it inside his mind most of the time.
"Don't say that," Hongjoong frowned going out of his daze. "I am really excited to see what you come up with in the future with that head of yours. After a while, you finally got some of my creativity on you." He joked laying on his bed, trying not to be too obvious with his stare.
"It's not my fault you stole the creative juices from us," Hwa muttered. "But don't forget, we have a lot of unused potential creativity, so we're coming after you Kim Hongjoong." Hongjoong scoffed.
"I'd like to see you try." He ended their small banter.
~
He soon regretted his words when he found his best friend talking to Wooyoung in their living room, looking like an absolute angel. He wasn't wearing anything that was outstanding, but the simplicity and the home-like feel, made his heart flutter in his chest. After scanning almost boldly his best friend, he couldn't tear his eyes from how Seonghwa's lips moved when he talked to Woo after both greeted him. It was almost embarrassing how he didn't move an inch from the door frame because he was more focused on Seonghwa than on anything else in the room. If the two boys realized how he didn't move for a few minutes, they didn't call him out.
This scenario kept repeating itself multiple times. At home when they were about to sleep, when they went out for a stroll in the middle of the night when Hwa visited him at the studio with any excuse he could come up with... He could never win, but it wasn't as if he'd complain when all his mind could think about was to kiss Seonghwa's pout senseless. He even started realizing that he focused on Hwa in multiple interviews, and he had fire etched in his mind how the older's "p" and "b" were almost artistic. Seonghwa's lips were his soft spot, not only because they were beautiful but because they were Seonghwa's, one of the most important people in his life, and he'd dare to say the possible love of his life.
Sometimes his mind went to the moment they all shared the stories behind their first kisses—some of the members even used it as an opportunity to out themselves. And Hongjoong was jealous, not because Seonghwa had someone else before, but because someone got lucky enough to be with Seonghwa. Something that he was pretty sure he wouldn't experience because of how complicated everything in their lives was. He was almost sure that some fans started to realize how he just stared at the slightly older boy as if he was the only person in the room—and Hongjoong wouldn't be lying if he said that sometimes when he looked at Seonghwa everything would stop for a few seconds.
Hongjoong got comfortable on the living room couch, too lost in his thoughts that he couldn't even process what was on his laptop. Seonghwa had asked him for help rearranging a song that he wanted to cover for atinys on his birthday, and now he was trying to add the vocals to the instrumental part. But with his thoughts and Seonghwa's soothing voice filtering into his ears, he couldn't help but acknowledge that Seonghwa was indeed his first love.
'And maybe we can play house for the weekend,' Hongjoong smiled almost sadly closing his eyes. Maybe in another life, they would be happy loving each other and living in a place where they could be just them.
'Started giving up on the word 'forever'.' When this part hit his ears for the 10th time, a little sigh left his lips.
Why had he to love someone impossible for him? It wasn't only the fear of the homophobia they could face, nor the consequences for their group, but also the possibility to make things awkward for Seonghwa, because the probability for him to like romantically Hongjoong back was complicated. Before he could get into a mood he didn't know how to get out of, he continued with the song.
~
"Kim Hongjoong-ssi, this sounds stunning!" Seonghwa beamed at him, clapping his hands with joy. A was the first time Seonghwa heard the whole song finished and he never stopped for a second to not be amazed by Hongjoong's skills. "I just still don't know how to repay you."
"Silly, you don't need to repay me, I'm so happy you believed in me for this project," Hongjoong muttered trying not to look at him. "Your voice is just a piece of art."
He could see Seonghwa playing with his fingers unsure of how to answer. Both knew Hongjoong wasn't the type to praise him in any context. Seonghwa was moving a little and Hongjoong expected him to leave whenever he felt it was too much and awkward, but he surprised him by sitting face to face looking more nervous than ever. Hongjoong wondered if Seonghwa had realized how he felt.
"Is everything alright?" He muttered looking at Seonghwa.
"I hope it is after what I am going to say to you," he half smiled. "Please listen to me," Hongjoong nodded.
"When I was looking for a song to cover I went through lots of choices on my playlist, but when I mulled over the idea of using this song, I didn't actually have atiny on my mind, but a special person that I wanted this song to fit to," he sighed. "I promised myself to not tell him that it was his persona all I could think about while singing but..." Hongjoong felt his heart crack a little. Who was this 'him'?
"... after you helped me, I think I need to be honest. I know we're close and you consider me your best friend, and maybe we're not the same as Wooyoung and San on friendship terms, but I might or might not have fallen for you," he giggled trying to hide his eyes with his bangs. "Every single part of this song reminds me of you, it just fits how l feel about y..." He couldn't finish the phrase because Hongjoong just stopped everything to kiss him.
At first, it was a small peck as if any of them could process what was happening. The touch was too foreign to both when none of them was used to the other's touches. Hwa's hands found their place on Hongjoong's shoulders when he broke out of his initial shock. Hongjoong gripped his trousers finally getting encouraged to taste the lips of his favourite person. The kiss was soft, slow and sweet. It was how Hongjoong always imagined it, tender and his lips surrounded by the warmth of the other's.
If he stopped just one second he would be able to hear how his heart was beating like crazy.
Seonghwa held Hongjoong's face, tilting it a little to the side so he could deepen the kiss, engulfing his friend's top lip and just smirking when it seemed like Hongjoong trembled on the kiss. Both were eager and know each other in this way. The youngest bit and licked Seonghwa's lip recognizing the cherry gloss he had shown him months ago and got bold enough to push his tongue between the other's lips. He could only grasp with more strength his trousers, not being ready for how skilled Seonghwa's tongue was, licking and playing with his own tongue.
Before it could be too much and both couldn't control their actions without speaking first, they separated.
"I didn't expect that answer, Hongjoong-ssi," Hongjoong chuckled at the formality used after having made out.
"Well, I wasn't expecting a confession from the person I've been crushing on for years, Park Seonghwa-ssi." Both giggled.
"Who would have said you liked me with all that indifference towards me," Hwa joked. "You can't understand how happy I feel now, I feel like screaming, like out of a dream."
Hongjoong looked at him fondly with a big smile. "Believe me, I do."
He leaned to kiss Seonghwa again but he teased him with a few pecks before giving in, but before it could get where Hongjoong wanted, Seonghwa separated from his lips and muttered, "you're my angel," to finally enjoy the warmth he was deprived of for years.