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It was a beautiful night. The stars were shining over UA for the first time in what seemed like weeks, there was a slight breeze ruffling the trees, and crickets were chirping like an orchestra. Any sane people were out on their porches, yards, or sitting by their windows taking in the peace and quiet that seemed so rare these days.
Izuku Midoriya and Bakugou were not, however, sane people.
They knew it was nice out, of course they noticed, but rather than enjoying the tranquility they were racing back and forth between the trees in the front yard of the 1A dorms screaming insults to one another.
“Eat my dust Shitty Nerd!” Bakugou (of course) yelled over his shoulder.
“Haha whatever you say Kacchan!” Midoriya yelled back, somehow smiling back at him mid-sprint.
On second thought, maybe it was just Bakugou yelling the insults.
Whatever the Shit Nerd could stand to be taken down a peg or two anyway, Bakugou thought while pushing his legs to go even faster. Not that he would consciously admit it, but Deku was fast (quirk or no quirk) and staying a few steps ahead was taking everything he had. He was also definitely not thinking about how that felt like some big cosmic metaphor for their lives.
“Aizawa-Sensei is likely on his way and Iida is even closer to having a conniption since curfew is in two minutes. I suggest you both come inside,” Deku (the dumbass) stumbled, not expecting to hear Todoroki’s voice coming from the 1A dorms front door.
“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ICY-HOT BASTARD” Bakugou screamed back after full-stopping a few feet in front of where Deku had stumbled. There was nothing on this Earth that he hated more than being controlled by idiots (except villains. Maybe).
He was so busy trying to kill Todoroki with his best (and he’s good at everything, so it’s pretty damn amazing) death glare when suddenly he felt a large gust of wind go by behind his back. A large gust of wind that was laughing.
“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU DEKU! YOU CHEATING BASTARD!” he immediately took off, but it was too late. Deku had already touched the last tree they were trying to reach.
“Sorry Kacchan! But you’re so fast, the only thing I could think of is trying to distract you. Luckily Shouto did that for me or else you probably would have won!” Deku had turned to Bakugou and gave his most blinding smile, obviously ecstatic over his win.
Bakugou’s irritation with Todoroki immediately shot up as he thought what the fuck is a Shouto supposed to be. Sounds like a stupid gardening tool. A tool name for a tool bastard. He tried to push that irritation down; he shouldn’t let some idiot extra’s name bother him (no matter who said it). His anger was also tamed somewhat by the megawatt smile that was shining at him from across the lawn. One of the most irritating things about stupid Deku is how it’s impossible to stay mad at him. Not that he needed to know that. Damn nerd would just start doing stupid shit constantly if he knew no one would be mad.
(He should have told Izuku then. It didn’t matter if he knew that he was so easily forgivable. Maybe if he had known he would have come back sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t have left at all.)
“Shut up Dumbass. Cheaters don’t get to talk to me. They’re just worse losers. You’re worse than a loser Deku, which means I won anyway” he started to turn away to go inside when he felt something grab his arm.
Or someone. Deku was suddenly there staring at him with his big ass ungodly green eyes. “I am sorry. I didn’t even really think of it as cheating, but you’re right. You should have won” he looked down, finally taking his forest lantern eyes off of Katsuki.
“I did win. Didn’t you hear me stupid Deku? Now get inside. I’m not trying to be stuck with you on house arrest again if Caterpillar-Sensei comes! I could barely tolerate it the one time.” he shoved (lightly, not that he would ever admit it) Midoriya towards the front door where Todoroki was still standing and observing them. “You too Icy-Hot! Get the hell inside!” He walked towards the door, once again pushing Midoriya out of the way. He looked back just to make sure the dumbass was following directions, of course to see Deku looking at him with slightly shining eyes looking at him like he’d ruined something.
(Katsuki felt like he’d ruined something.)
“I’m coming Kacchan, lead the way. I won’t get us in trouble, I promise” he said with a small sniffle. He was pulling himself together quickly for being such a cry baby. The fuck is he even crying about? Dumbass needs to face some real struggles in his life if being called a cheater is tear-worthy, he thought.
“I’ll believe it when I see it” Bakugou said before turning his back and striding inside the front door. If he had looked back he might have seen Midoriya’s face as he looked at the ground, morose and deep in thought.
(He should have looked back. They should have stayed outside and talked. He should have challenged Izuku to another race. He shouldn’t have let the night end, especially not like that.)
~
“Why are you up here instead of inside with everyone? We all miss you Kacchan” Deku looked at Bakugou with his big green raccoon eyes questioningly.
“Too many extras breathing my air” Bakugou replied, turning away from Midoriya and looking back out to the beautiful scene he was observing. He was sitting on the roof looking at the city and all the stars shining above him. He wouldn’t admit it to most, but he did love his friends. Just sometimes he had to love them in moderation.
“It’s not nice to call your friends extras Kacchan.”
“Ya well it’s not to barge in and disturb my peace just to criticize me,” he harshly replied.
(He didn’t mean it. Izuku could disturb him any time now and he wouldn’t say anything bad. Please come disturb the peace. Peace isn’t the same if you're not here creating it.)
Midoriya looked down, ashamed, “I’m sorry Kacchan. Could I maybe sit down with you? I promise I won’t correct you again.”
“Whatever, do what you want. God knows you will anyway.”
That was as much of an invitation as anyone could expect from Bakugou so Midoriya sat down. “Thanks Kacchan.”
“Why are you here anyway? Isn’t a party right up your alley?” He didn’t want Deku to think he cared, but couldn’t stop his curiosity.
(He did care. Izuku should have known he cared.)
“Oh…umm, I just was going around talking to everyone and realized I hadn’t seen you in a while. I got a little worried that something was wrong. Oh! Not that you need someone to be worried, of course, and not that anything would be wrong obviously. I just want to make su-”
“You’re rambling, shit nerd. I get it. You’re nosy ass couldn’t take a night off from your favorite past-time.”
“My… favorite past-time?” He asked, confused.
“Ya. Being a nosy ass. The only person's business you aren’t constantly involved in is your own.”
“Oh. Ya, I guess I’ve been told that a few times.” he looked down, thinking to himself quietly (for once). “But meddling in others’ business is the essence of being a hero, so I guess I owe something to being ‘nosy’ since it got me here” he breathed out, like it had just hit him where they were. UA had been both of their dream schools, and sitting up on the roof looking out over the city, it was a little easier to digest and realize how far they’ve come.
“You would believe some dumbass slogan like that, wouldn’t you. Maybe instead of thinking about stupid catch phrases you should be practicing with your damn quirk so you can actually be a hero.”
“Hey, I don’t see why I can’t do both!” Midoriya smiled up at Bakugou. It wasn’t his ‘oh my god I’m so happy right now smile’, but something more private and quietly happy. Intimate. Bakugou felt his stomach flutter, Damn I must have indigestion or something. Knew I shouldn't have had that piece of cake earlier.
“Whatever Nerd. Just don’t get any ideas in your head about beating me if you won’t even take the time to focus on it correctly.”
“Too late for that Kacchan. I already have a ton of ideas on how I’m going to beat you!”
“Oh really? Have fun dreaming, Deku. That’s the only place you’ll ever see your name next to the number one spot.”
Midoriya looked like he was going to argue back, but gained a thoughtful look on his face. “Speaking of number one, have you thought about how you’re going to try to get there?”
“Well first off, I’m not going to try, I’m just going to do it. And when I’m number one I’m going to have my own agency, stationed in the tallest and best building in downtown Tokyo, where all the action is.”
“Oh that would be awesome Kacchan! You’d be great at running an agency!”
“Obviously. I’m great at everything.”
“Not at going to parties apparently. What are you going to do at hero networking events, Kacchan? They’re important to rise in ranks, you know,” Deku said, cheekily smiling at Bakugou like he had caught him in some trap.
“Oi, fucker I’m the best at parties! If I wanted to be down there with all the shitty extras right now I would be and I’d be making everyone have the best fucking times of their lives!” Deku, the little shit, laughed like he was joking. “Hey! The hell are you laughing at Useless Deku?!”
Deku continued laughing, “sorry Kacchan! I’m laughing at the idea of you forcing everyone to have fun at some big, official gala when we’re all pros. I think I’d really love to see that one day, Kacchan,” he finished laughing and smiled softly at Bakugou, as if he were imagining the scenario now in his head.
Something in Bakugou snapped, “If anyone should be laughing it’s me! The idea of you even being invited to hero parties is funny. Imagine loser loner Deku at a party with people that actually matter! You’ll probably break so many bones in your career they’ll consider you a danger just to be around.”
If Katsuki had turned to look at Midoriya he would have seen the hurt on his face. And worse than the hurt, he would have seen his look of realization.
(He should have turned around.)
Bakugou did not, however, see Midoriya’s face. Instead he stood up and brushed off his pants. “Whatever, I’ll show you nerd. I’m gonna go make those extras party so hard they wish they'd never been born,” he declared as he turned and moved towards the door back into the building. “Don’t wait up.” The door abruptly closed behind him.
Deku said something back as the door was being shut, but he didn’t hear and didn’t care to go back out and ask for him to repeat it. It was probably just some bullshit about having fun. The nerd loves to tell people what to do.
(He should have gone back and asked Izuku to repeat himself. What if there had been some sign of his plan? Was this the moment when he thought of it? When he decided? They should have talked more. He should have asked Izuku how he wanted to get to number one. He should have stayed on the rooftop. Why didn’t he just stay?)
~
Bakugou was staring. Just staring. He didn’t know what else to do. He was pissed, and scared, which pissed him off, and then even more pissed because he couldn’t even make himself stop fucking staring! A letter, no, the letter was slowly getting more and more crumpled in his clenched hands.
Deku had fucking left.
Deku. Had. Left.
The shit nerd. The stalker. The bastard that he could never get rid of. Left.
He couldn’t even be bothered to actually speak to the people he called his ‘friends’. He wrote some stupid fucking letters. His final parting, the last thing he thought he ever needed to say to the people around him. The ones he pretended to care about. All just on a dumb piece of fucking paper.
“Dear Kacchan,”
As if he had any fucking right to use that name. That name was from a person who wouldn’t stop, no matter how many hurdles were in his way, no matter how much shit Katsuki gave him for still using it. That name was from a person who had been by his side since they were in diapers. That name was from a person who wouldn’t ever stop following Katsuki, even when he probably should have. That name was from someone who was there. Who said it with their words, not with some cowardly pencil and paper. He had no right to take that name and everything it had meant (dependability, stubbornness, fucking presence) and butcher it like this.
Katsuki shot up from the couch. Every eye (none of them dry) were suddenly on him, but that hardly registered. Now he could move and there’s no way he could stop. His hands were shaking, mushing together all of the words fucking Deku had written as they clenched into fits. He shot up in down, back and forth, pacing in front of the couch trying to contain the rage he felt. Trying not to start letting off blasts in the common room that would surely get him benched from looking for the (his) shit nerd, and there’s no way he was risking that. He would be out there and he would find Deku, and fucking Deku wouldn’t know what hit him (maybe literally. No, probably literally).
“H-Hey bro, a-are you okay?” Kirishima stuttered as he tried to collect his own emotions.
“Am I okay? Am I okay?! No, I'm not okay! I’M PISSED! THIS LITTLE FUCK THINKS HE CAN JUST RUN OFF! THINKS HE’S SO DAMN AMAZING AND UNTOUCHABLE THAT HE DOESN’T EVEN NEED TO TELL ANYONE HIS PLAN! THINKS WE’RE ALL SO FUCKING WEAK-”
SLAP
“Did you just fucking slap me?” He breathed, shocked out of his initial rage. Uraraka looked at him through squinting angry eyes, breathing heavily as if she had just won a round against Icy-Hot.
“Don’t talk about Deku like that! I know you’re worried-”
“I’m not worried!”
“YES YOU ARE! And that’s okay! We all are too, but don’t talk about him like he’s some terrible person! If you’re so mad then you read the letter. You know why he’s doing this and it's not to make you look bad! Not everything is about you! Yes, he’s being dumb, and yes he should have talked to us first, and of course he shouldn’t have left! But you don’t get to take away his feelings for everyone here just because you don’t like what he did with them! We will fight to get him back, but when has anger ever worked with Deku? He wrote these letters because he knew we’d be mad and he knew we’d say no. If we find him and go in screaming at him, he’s just going to run faster. He’s running because he feels like the whole world is out to get him. What kind of friends would we be if we just added to that even more?” As she went her words went from a scream to soft. She was obviously worn down by all the emotions she, and everyone in the room, were experiencing.
“When.”
“What?”
“You said ‘if we find him’ Round-face. It’s ‘when we find him’ because we will. There’s not another option. If you’re so worried about being a good friend, I suggest you keep that in mind,” Bakugou then turned on his heel and stormed up the stairs to his room.
He had some planning to do.
~
“Maybe instead of thinking about stupid catch phrases you should be practicing with your damn quirk so you can actually be a hero.”
Baku-... up
“I’m not trying to be stuck with you on house arrest again if Caterpillar-Sensei comes! I could barely tolerate it the one time”
-gou, wake up
“You’ll probably break so many bones in your career they’ll consider you a danger just to be around.”
“Bakugou! C’mon dude wake up!”
Katsuki shot up in his bed breathing like he had just run a race (not with the nerd. They can’t do that anymore since the nerd’s not here. Oh God the nerd’s not here).
Kirishima was backing up from the bed with his hands in the air, “I’m sorry man I was just trying to wake you up. It looked like you were having a not-so-nice dream.”
“Yeah… I guess you could say that,” he was looking around as if just taking in the room for the first time. His breathing was still ragged, but slowly approaching a normal rate, although Kirishima still looked concerned.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? It might help?” he asked hopefully.
“Yes. I’m sure. Leave.”
“Oh, um… okay. Let me know if you need anything then I guess.” Kirishim slowly moved towards the door and pulled it open.
“Where do you think Deku got the idea to leave?” Katsuki suddenly asked. His breathing picked back up slightly, but Kirishim didn’t notice.
Kirishima paused at the door, looking wide-eyed and surprised before his face softened. He turned so he was fully facing Bakugou before answering, “Honestly? I love Midoriya, but I think he’s always had one foot out the door. Not that I think he wanted to leave all of us!” He said waving his hands around when he noticed Bakugou’s face grow more stern and angry, “I just think… he’s never really created any limits for himself, has he? He’s a great guy, and a good student, sure, but school has never really been his priority. He’s said it himself, he’s only here to save people and… I love UA. I love being here and learning to be a hero, but we’re not really doing a whole lot of saving people right now, are we? Sometimes I think we’re all just doing what we can to keep ourselves afloat, much less all the civilians around us. And Midoriya… he’s never done that. Never prioritized keeping himself afloat. He came to UA to save people and… he left for the same reason.”
“Oh…” Katsuki looked down at his comforter still tangled around him from his restless sleep. “So you don’t think anyone might have… accidentally said anything to him that would make him… want to go?”
“Bro, I don’t know what this is about, but I don’t think anyone has ever been able to get Midoriya to do something he doesn’t want to. Sure, he’s one of the sweetest people in our class, but man can that guy be stubborn. Whatever you’re thinking,” Bakugou shot his head up and glared as Kirishima put his hands up defensively “or not thinking! I think we should just wait until we get Mido back to talk about it before we start drawing some crazy conclusions. Because we’re going to, right? We don’t need to know everything right now ‘cause when he’s back we can just ask him!” He smiled hopefully at Katsuki, who couldn’t help smiling (albeit much smaller) back.
“Yeah we’ll ask him when we have him back.”
~
Despite Kirishima’s words and the effort Katsuki put into it, the thought wouldn’t leave his brain. No one leaves without having a moment where they decided to, and no one has that moment without a reason. Maybe it's egotistical (even he can admit that) of him to immediately assume that moment for Midoriya was related to him, but in his defense, hasn’t it always been? For better or worse (he refuses to admit which is more likely) it’s always been him and Deku. The good days (“Good morning Kacchan!” and “Whatever you say Kacchan!”) and the bad ones (“Just pray you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, then take a swan-” no he’s not thinking about that) have always had the underlying consistency of them. And now there was no them, and there seemed to be more bad days then good, so how could those be unrelated? Deku lived and breathed to be a nuisance to Katsuki, so how could his absence be anything but due to him as well? Bakugou has been many things in his life. Loud, egotistical, a bully, but stupid is not one and he’d have to be to think that this move of Deku’s had nothing to do with him.
“Ummm, hey Bakubro?! You might want to come see this!” Kirishima yelled from the living room. When Katsuki walked in, he glanced around to see shitty hair, icy-hot, and round cheeks staring at the TV with wide eyes.
“What do you extras wa….” he trailed off after noticing what they were looking at so intently. It was some shitty news cast, known even before the Shigaraki mess for spewing vitriol about heroes any chance it got. Why it was even on in the first place he would later wonder, but in the moment there wasn’t time for thought.
Because on the TV there was a shaky shot of Deku. Deku, looking one of the worst Katsuki has ever seen him (which is really saying something, the way the shitty nerd breaks bones like twigs) fighting the villain that put him in such a bad shape that Katsuki still had nightmares featuring how Deku had looked. Granted those nightmares were mostly featuring his being kidnapped by a group of villain-wannabes, but the point still stands.
Deku was facing off against muscular. A psychotic killer that could withstand even a 100% smash from one for all, and he was doing it by himself. He barely made it out alive the last time and he wasn’t alone then. The fact that the only other person there was a child and probably more of a hindrance than anything was not something Katsuki had the mental capabilities to consider at the moment; because, Deku was out there alone.
They all watched with bated breath as Deku took a deep breath, seeming to gather himself, before launching himself at the villain with full force. They watched as he demolished a villain he almost didn’t survive just a few months prior, and walked out of the fight unscathed.
How can this have nothing to do with me, when I’m stuck here and he’s out there becoming someone I don’t recognize? When I’m here failing and he’s out there surpassing me, perfectly fine.
“Bakugou… are you okay man?” Kirishima asked while Todoroki and Uraraka looked at him in curiosity and thinly veiled concern.
“We’re finding him. Now. I’m done with this extra busy-work. I-...We should have been there. Next time we will be.” He stomped off down the hall, not quite sure where he was going, but knowing he wouldn’t be back until he had thought of a plan.
Faintly behind him he thought he heard round cheeks mutter “Did he just say I?” before being shushed by shitty hair. Whatever, I don’t have time for their sensibilities right now.
~
It took a while, longer than it should have, but eventually they were given permission to get Midoriya back and a lead in the form of Endeavor. As they arrived at Deku’s location, Katsuki blasted forward in full force. He was finally here. He’d be damned if some has-been who couldn’t even stay out of jail the first time was the person who stopped him from his goals, and right now his biggest goal was seeing Deku again.
He sent blasts at all the brainless soldiers surrounding Deku, tearing at each and every one until he finally saw it. Saw him. Deku was staring up at him (like it's always been. Like it should be) with tear-filled eyes.
He looked horrible.
Katsuki won’t ever understand how he could have thought Izuku was fine. His eyes had bags under them that luggage would be a better descriptor. He was pale and shaking, looking like he was going to fall over and pass out (pass away) any given moment.
Forget how he looked during the League of Villains kidnapping. This image would give Katsuki nightmares for years. It couldn’t get much worse than seeing those dull and lifeless eyes from the face of Izuku Mirodirya, a boy he had always hated (loved) for being so full of joy.
Or at least he thought it couldn’t get worse. Until the idiot released smokescreen and faded from Katsuki’s view. Again.
Maybe he was starting to get why Midoriya seemed so distraught when he had disappeared through that league portal.
Being so close and yet so impossibly far from you hurting loved ones was a torture he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy. (Well that’s a lie, but his worst enemy was Shigarki, and that fucker stabbed him. He could stand to be knocked down a few pegs by any means necessary in his opinion.)
He released his largest explosion and begin to gather his strength. Seems like they wouldn’t be getting out of this without a fight.
That’s okay. You expected this. Deku has never taken the easy route, and nothing easy is worth doing. This is necessary, so why should it be easy? He thought before releasing a large explosion to clear the smoke and launching himself into the air.
Nothing easy is worth doing, and if Izuku has ever been anything it’s worthy.
~
The fight drug on for far too long. Even Katsuki who, despite what many thought, was well versed in analyzing opponents and recognizing their strengths (especially when that opponent was Midoriya) was surprised by how much the nerd had advanced in his time away. At one point in the fight he had yelled that they couldn’t keep up. And oh, that one had hurt.
But what really hurt was that he was right.
Deku was walking death. He looked worse than he ever had before, obviously had unaddressed injuries (which would not be remaining that way for long), and was using every ounce of strength he had left just to keep standing. And yet, he had almost defeated the entire class of his peers. He would have if it weren’t for Iida and the comfort he had offered that Izuku didn’t seem to have the strength to turn down.
They had a lot to work on. A lot to catch up on. But first, before he could get his physicality up to Midoriya’s level, he had to equal the playing field emotionally.
He needed to finally acknowledge what he had done wrong, and apologize to Izuku.
Right as it seemed like Deku was about to make another run for it, Katsuki took a step forward and called out to him. “Izuku. I know I don’t have the right, but there’s something I need to say to you. Something I think you deserve to hear. I’ve done and said a lot of things to you that I’m not proud of. I was… blinded by my own stupidity and jealousy as a kid, so blinded that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. You. You have always been by my side, and I wish I had deserved it. But Izuku, please give me the chance to deserve it now. I’m so sorry, for everything I have done to you over the years. You have done so much for me. Let me return the favor. If not for you, then for me. I can’t-...no, I won’t continue doing this if you’re not there with me, doing it too. It’s always been us, ‘Zuku. I’m not ready for it to just be me, and I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you think I was.” Katsuki took a deep breath before finally looking up at Izuku.
Izuku, who was looking at him, tears in his big green eyes, like he had hung the goddamn moon. Like he was about to express some misplaced gratitude for Bakugou finally manning up and doing what he should have done years ago.
Like apologizing for something that never should have happened was worth his gratitude.
“Kacchan… you never had to apologize, but… thank you.” He said, low and hoarse. Like he hadn’t spoken in weeks.
The idea of Deku not speaking for weeks served to only add fuel to his future nightmares.
“I don’t want your gratitude. This should be expected, not thanked. But… if you really want to show you mean it, please just… come back. Come home. I know you think you’re needed out here, but we… no, I need you. I need you with me. And maybe that’s selfish. Maybe I don’t deserve to call myself a hero for it, but goddamn it, I need this. I need you, Izuku. Please.”
Katsuki wasn’t aware Izuku could somehow look like he was even closer to tears than he had been before, but here was the living proof. He wiped at his eyes before stumbling forward towards Katsuki. He rushed forward, scooping him up before he could get even more injured. If anyone could refrain from hurting themselves during a battle, just to sustain a fatal injury afterwards, it would be Izuku. Katsuki would like to avoid that, if at all possible. Nothing worth doing is easy, but not everything needs to be a worst case scenario either.
Katsuki held on to Izuku tighter, balling his fists in his dirty shirt before burying his face in his hair, muttering, “Please, Izuku? You know I hate asking for things, but please come home?”
Izuku sniffed before nodding slowly, “Kacchan, I don’t think there’s anywhere else I’d rather be right now.”
For the first time in what felt like months, Katsuki smiled. He would get better. They would get better. Izuku may have gotten away once, but that wouldn’t happen again. This one was staying right here, and if at some point he couldn’t, Katsuki would be going right alongside him.
Katsuki lived by the motto ‘nothing easy is worth doing’, but not every saying survives the test of time. Committing to stay by Izuku’s side, come hell or high water, was the easiest thing he had ever done.