Chapter Text
"Kurt, get up. We have to go to school." Ram tried to shake the other awake. They often stayed over at each other's houses, they had since they were little kids, so it never attracted any suspicion from their parents. Sometimes Ram's dad would make jokes, but other than that, nothing was said.
Kurt just groaned and sleepily pulled his pillow over his head. Ram laughed. Kurt was not a morning person at all.
"Come on. Get up." Ram hit him repeatedly with a pillow.
"Go away you dickhead." Kurt tried to hit the annoying one, but missed.
"Rise and shine." Ram just laughed and got up. "Here's your clothes." He threw them over.
"Yeah, yeah."
In the car, they drove quietly. The radio was blasting some song that neither of them knew, but they didn't care. More than anything, they were going into their 'characters', as they called them. In school they acted weird. It was all to keep up appearances, something very important, but it wasn't really them. It was just a college of every other jock boys personalities mashed together. It worked well, they had rose to the most popular jocks in school. Got in with the Heathers, they were that popular. The Heathers were kind of the queens of the school, with their trends and looks and acts. Kurt and Ram understood that they were an act as well. That's the only reason that they hung around the girls. That and how popular they were.
"What class we got first?" Kurt asked, voice already in its dumb 'himbo' school voice.
"Math, dumbass." Ram nudged him as he parked.
"Sucks."
"Yeah."
The school day was boring. More boring than could be said. The only redeeming part was in the cafeteria at lunch.
They were sitting with the other jocks as usual, Brad was banging on about some girl he was with on Saturday (it was the seventh time he had told the story, so Kurt and Ram were not listening at all.) They looked over to the Heathers and saw that Veronica was with them. They liked Veronica, they remembered her from middle school and kindergarten, she had been funny. But with age you have to get into the school social hierarchy, and Veronica just didn't make the cut. She was working her way up the ranks now though. Now she was writing something by Heather C's diction.
"I'm telling you man, it would be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer, Heather Chandler sandwich." Kurt chuckled, feeling it was the right thing to say.
Ram laughed and nodded. "Oh hell yes. I wanna get a Heather and just like put her on my Johnson and spin her around like a goddamn pinwheel." He felt slightly gross saying it, but clearly it was the best thing to say, as everyone else at the table laughed with him. He turned back to Kurt. "Punch it in!" It was a habit of theirs since they had been kids, they would punch their fists together when they really wanted something to happen, kind of like a good luck charm in a way.
The conversation went on some more, some nonsense about the Heathers or a party, Kurt wasn't really listening. Instead he started looking around the room, there were the geeks (all spotty nerds who looked as if they'd never seen a mirror), there were the popular girls (not the Heathers, but a rank below them. They were bitchy but hot.), and then Martha Dunnstock, sitting all alone in the back of the cafeteria. Kurt felt bad for her. She was another girl that he had gotten on with in kindergarten. They had even went out. That was before he figured out he liked Ram, but it had still been nice. Martha had been fun, but she was even lower in social hierarchy than the geeks. Martha was looking right back at him, holding some page in her hands. Kurt wondered what it said but was pulled from his thoughts by Ram pulling him back into the conversation.
Eventually Heather C and Veronica came by the table with a question. One of their stupid lunch time polls.
"You get 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on Earth and say they'll blow up the world in two days. What do you do with the money?" Heather asked as she stood impatiently, clipboard in hand.
"I'd pay Madonna a million dollars to sit on my face and have her ride like a Kentucky derby." Ram said, without giving it much thought. "She should pay me though."
Heather and Veronica moved on. Then came the next interesting part of lunch, Martha approached the table. She was holding the paper she had been reading, and she was smiling. Kurt was trying to tell her via brain waves to turn away. 'It's social suicide to walk to this table, Martha, turn around. Please god turn around.'
It did not work.
She put the page down on the table in front of Kurt and looked at him hopefully. Everyone at the table was incredibly confused, each looking to Martha and then to Kurt, confusion growing. Kurt took hold of the page and began to read.
"Dear Martha,
You're so sweet. I miss you. I really like you, and have since kindergarten-"
He couldn't read anymore of it without feeling any worse for the girl than he already did. So this was what the Heathers were at earlier. Poor Martha.
He burst out laughing, knowing it was the best thing to do for his act. Kurt let Ram take the page from his hand and Ram began reading it too. He laughed as well. No one else at the table read it, but they laughed anyway. Martha left the room, blushing from the embarrassment. Kurt took the note back from Ram and refused to show it to anyone else, playing it off with jokes. Yeah it was a prank, but it meant something to Martha, it was fine letting Ram see it, he would have told him about it anyway, but no one else at the table would understand. They weren't real friends and it would just give them more material against Martha. He put the note in his pocket and moved on.
"Let's kick his ass!" Ram later said, in relation to some new kid flirting with Veronica.
"Shit, Ram. We're seniors man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give him a good scare though." With that, they stood up and made their way to the kid.
They did their usual routine, intimidate, call them gay, then leave. They didn't get to step three.
"Oh yeah. Seems they have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they." The kid was not intimidated. This surprised the two, normally people ran and hid from them. They couldn't show it though, and instead resorted to aggression.
"What did you say, dickhead?"
The kid sighed as he stood up.
"I'll repeat myself."
He pulled out a gun and shot blanks at the two of them.
They were too shocked to do anything about it. They just shook their heads and left the room. Somehow they found themselves in the car park.
"Let's go for a drive." Ram, the one who had driven them, suggested.
"Yeah. I need a break for a minute."
"Same."
They climbed into the car and turned the radio on again. It was still only playing boring pop songs. They drove out to the park and just sat there for an hour straight, hanging out.
"You still have that thing from Martha?" Ram asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"Did you read the whole thing?"
"No."
"Want to?"
"I don't know, feels wrong."
"Kinda want to see what the Heathers wrote though."
"You think they did it?"
"Watched them write it Kurt."
"Yeah, same. Let's read it then."
"Dear Martha,
You're so sweet. I miss you. I really like you, and have since kindergarten. I want to be your boyfriend. You're so pretty and smart and funny. I wish we could be together. Give me back this note if you agree.
Sincerely, Kurt Kelly."
Kurt groaned while Ram laughed.
"At least they don't know, huh?" Ram pointed out with a smirk.
"They think I like Martha Dunnstock, man. How is that better?" He frowned and scanned over the note again.
"Least they won't kill you for it."
"Yeah fair."
"Do you think Martha still likes you?" Ram asked, almost insecure.
"Yeah, I do." Kurt nodded. "It'll never happen though, I don't like her like that."
"Okay. That's good."
"Were you worried?" Kurt laughed.
"No." He scoffed. "Why would I be?"
"You're fine man. I don't like anyone else." He quickly checked around them and, when he was happy there was no one nearby, gave him a quick kiss. "We okay now?"
"Yeah, yeah." He blushed. "Come on, let's go back to school."
"Okay."