Chapter Text
Invader Zim: A Bad Thing Never Ends
by Saint Andreas
Chapter 1: The Squatter
It was a beautiful day in The City.
It felt strange, coming to grips with that fact, since The City rarely had beautiful days. It rarely had days that were anything other than horrible. And yet, Dib could not find a better way to describe the day he was having.
Nice and sunny, no Skool, him hanging out with his sister Gaz as they tried out their new water guns… on Zim.
The Membrane siblings cackled with rather perverse joy as they fired streams of water on the howling irken invader. “You accursed stink-beast brood-spawn! Leave Zim alone!”
“Come on, Zim! We just wanna play with you!” Dib taunted between snickers. “Look at how cool our new Soaker Guns are!”
“Your primitive moisturizing technology is laughable!” Zim shouted back as he ran, turning his head to point an accusing finger at Dib. “Sooner or later, you will run out of water, and when you do, Zim will des- tghaak!”
“Oh, score! I got it in his mouth!” Cheered Gaz with a wicked smile.
Dib wheezed laughter as Zim choked on the water Gaz kept hosing him down with. Under such duress, the invader sprung his PAK legs and scuttled away toward a nearby sewer hatch, peeling the metal lid off and jumping down.
The ensuing splash of sewage and rising plume of noxious smell were followed by even more shrill screams of pain from the irken and even more laughter from the human children.
“You’d think his solution to avoid getting hit by water would be to- you know- not go towards more water?”
“Didn’t you say he only has one organ or something?” Gaz asked as she holstered her water gun. “I guess it doesn't serve as a brain.”
“Hahaha! Up top!” Dib cheered as he raised a hand for Gaz to hi-five.
Gaz looked at her brother with an impassive expression. “Nah, we’re not there yet.” She declared simply, before turning heel and walking off.
Dib kept his arm raised, left hanging. He then quickly slapped his own hand and ran to catch up to his sister.
********************
The Membrane siblings enjoyed a quiet walk back home as the sun inched ever closer to the horizon. Dib swung open the door and announced their arrival. “Dad, we’re home!” He shouted as he placed his water gun on a nearby rack and started making his way to the kitchen, seeing Gaz quickly find her GameSlave and settle on the living room couch out of the corner of his eye.
“Welcome home, children!” A boisterous voice greeted him, sounding muffled by distance. “I’ll be down in a moment!”
“Sure!” Dib replied as he rummaged through the kitchen cupboards for something to eat. He then reached for a bag of Cheezos, and after confirming they were not the Flamin’ Hot variety, he took them with him back to the living room.
He was not, however, the first to arrive. “Greetings, children!” Prof. Membrane called as he entered the living room. “How was your day? Filled with scientific discovery, I hope!”
“Nah, we just used our new water guns to pest… play with Zim all day.” Dib quickly half-lied.
“You and Gaz spent time together?” The professor asked with an incredulous tone. “Without external factors interfering? Why, that's marvelous! I’m so happy to see you two grow closer together!” The man exclaimed, putting his hands together.
“Yeah, I guess we have.” Dib chuckled nervously as Gaz groaned from the couch.
“That is truly excellent news son! I’m so proud of you both!”
Dib felt a well of joy bloom in his chest, causing a smile to creep its way into his lips. He even saw Gaz briefly peek away from her GameSlave to give their father a perfectly neutral look, which might as well have been a brazen declaration of love for the young girl.
“My! I feel so much better about leaving you two now!” Prof. Membrane declared suddenly, wiping imaginary sweat from his brow.
Dib’s smile vanished in an instant and his eyes nearly burst through his glasses. Gaz’s neck cracked from how fast she turned her head back toward her father.
“Oh dear, I think I worded that poorly.” The professor muttered to himself as he scratched his hidden chin.
“You’re leaving!?” Dib shouted in horrified disbelief.
“Now, now son, calm down.” The professor put his arms up in an attempt to placate Dib. “I’m not leaving you, I simply have a work trip far away and I’ll be gone for a while.”
“You’re going out of town!?” Dib pressed on. “For how long?”
“Roughly four months.”
“Four months!?” Dib shrieked, surprised at Gaz synching her own cry as she now stood on the couch’s back, glaring at their father with wide open eyes.
“Children, please!” The scientist knelt down to level with the siblings. “I understand this is distressing, but please allow me to explain.” He asked, placing his hands on Dib’s shoulders.
Dib looked to Gaz, who had jumped down from the couch to stand beside him, arms crossed and looking expectantly at their father. Dib then took a breath and calmed himself, pushing down the stirring storm of doubts and worries that was brewing in the back of his head.
At the sight of his children collecting themselves, Prof. Membrane sighed and put his hands together, a silence forming as the adult mulled over the best words to use. “Alright,” He started. “As I am sure you two know, I have a lot of responsibilities. As one of the most prominent leaders in the Scientific Community, it is my job to form part of the spear our race aims to skewer the future with!” The scientist proclaimed proudly. “And, I’m afraid that such responsibilities now force me to attend an important ‘Poly-Disciplinary Science Summit’ in Europe.”
“You’re going all the way to Europe?” Dib asked.
“Indeed!” His father replied. “I’ll join some of the brightest minds across the whole wide world there to form a plan to solve the world's most challenging problems! Such as; Eliminating wisdom teeth, figuring out why dudes have nipples, and advancing genetic engineering to finally create competent politicians!”
Dib pursed his lips and looked at the ground. “I mean… that does sound really important.” He mumbled as he rubbed his arm.
“But what about that means you have to leave?” Gaz demanded. “Can’t those stupid nerds bring their summit-thing here? Or better yet- can’t you just take us with you?”
“Oh daughter, I am flattered you think I’m important enough to warrant a full re-allocation of the Summit,” The professor said, patting Gaz’ head as he did. “But alas, I’m not that important, I’m afraid. And as for why I don’t take you with me, there is simply nothing for you kids in Europe!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dib asked, putting his hands on his hips.
“Dib, they don’t have any of that paranormal pseudoscience stuff I know you like so much,” He told his son. “And Gaz,” He turned to his daughter. “They don't have the right electrical sockets for your charger, so you wouldn’t be able to use your GameSlave!”
Gaz’s face twitched disturbingly at that, and Dib noticed she went worryingly stiff afterwards.
“So, as you can see, it is for the best that you stay here and wait for my return. Besides, if you need help from me, I’m only a phone call away! And it’s not like you’ll be alone, you’ll have Clembrane here with you!”
As if on cue, the sounds of batter being mixed and a droning hum of the word ‘pudding’ began emerging from the kitchen. Dib then heard a lot of industrial-level machinery being used, followed by some assorted dying animal noises.
Dib made a mental note to dodge Clembrane’s next batch of pudding.
Drawing his son’s focus back to the conversation, the professor continued. “And if something really goes wrong, remember there’s always my Christmas Defence System to protect the house. The controls of which I am surrendering to Gaz.” He added, producing from his sleeve a small metal remote which he then handed to Gaz.
“Sweet!” Said the girl as she snatched the device and smiled, chuckleing maliciously as she inspected it.
“Aw man! How come she gets the controls? Shouldn’t the big brother be in charge of the house defense system?” Dib asked indignantly.
“Come now Dib, you and I both know that if I gave controls to you, you’d just set them to attack your green friend as some sort of practical joke.” The professor said, crossing his arms and giving his son a stern tilted look.
“Actually, that’s a really good idea.” Dib muttered to himself, scratching his chin.
“Point made.” The professor sighed, clearly having heard his son’s whispers. “In any case-” He placed a hand on his children’s shoulders. “-What do you say, kids? Think you can hold the fort down without me for a little while?”
Dib paused to think for a moment, his eyes moving between his father and his sister. That storm of thoughts was still growing, he could feel it becoming ever denser with the possibilities of terrible calamities that could befall him or his sister while their father was away and unable to help, biggest of which was obviously Zim. However, he decided he would simply have to weather that storm, even if it somehow became real. Not only had he dealt with Zim in the past practically by himself, but he now had Gaz on his side. And even if his father left for another continent, he was still just a phone call away.
And so, steeling himself, Dib looked up to his father and spoke. “Yeah, we got this, Dad.” He declared proudly.
“Magnificent!” The adult cheered, lifting both his children in one of his hands each and hugging them before setting them down on the couch and moving to stand before the TV. “Now! Before we parted ways, I wanted to leave with a bang! So! Not only did I order pizza for us to eat for dinner-” He said just as the doorbell rang. “-But I also purchased the first season of a brand new show I’m certain you two will love!” He added, reaching for an item in his lab coat and extracting from it a blue disk casing. “Now who wants to binge watch a whole season of ‘Robot Mecha-Mayhem Tournament of Destruction, now with hydraulic blood and deleted scenes’ while we gorge on five pizzas!?”
“YEEEEEEAAAAAH!!!” The Membrane siblings roared in ecstatic unison.
********************
It was a horrible day in The City.
It felt strange, coming to grips with that fact, since it felt like an admission of defeat, and defeat was the one thing he would never admit to. And yet, Zim could not find a more irritatingly fitting way to describe the day he was having.
Hounded by the Membrane smeet-brood all day, forced to flee to the rancid sewers of the city only to be covered in their grime, and now running through the rain that seemed to have manifested exclusively on his side of the Neighborhood at the exact moment he chose to rise from the sewers.
By the time Zim had returned to his base, panting, smelling of waste, and thoroughly humiliated, his skin was practically falling off in ribbons as he dragged himself across his doorway.
“Hellooooooo, Master!” GIR’s shrill voice pierced his antennae. “How’s things goin’?”
Zim released a tortured moan as a reply.
“Wow, for realsies!?”
Zim moaned again, realizing he would get no help from his diminutive minion. “Computeeeeer…” He called. “Deploy… Healing… Mist…”
“Deploying Healing Mist.” The Computer’s voice boomed through the house, followed by whirring as a machine arm descended from the roof and lowered a spray can to Zim’s level.
The machine then began enveloping the wounded irken in a thin peach-colored mist. As the humid aerosol began settling on his body, Zim felt his withered skin regenerate and wrap itself back onto his flesh. The pain dissipated as the process progressed.
When he no longer felt like the whole outer layer of his body was on fire, Zim stood up, stumbling off to the side before regaining his balance completely. “Urgh, those accused stink-beasts!” The invader growled. “They have become utterly insufferable lately! The Dib was easy enough to handle, him being so inferior to Zim’s might, and the Gaz-beast seldom interfered at all! And yet, now it's as if they have redoubled their efforts to ruin Zim’s glorious mission! This is the twentieth time the Gaz-beast joins her puny brother to attack Zim!”
“Twenty-second, actually,” The Computer saw fit to correct. “It seems like the- ehem- Piñata Incident… one and two … got knocked out of your head… literally.”
“Silence!” Zim commanded, pointing at the ceiling. “Regardless of the total amount, the frequency of these irritating team-ups is on the rise! The stink-brood have joined forces more frequently in recent times than they had in all of Zim’s prior stay on this wretched planet!” He shouted in exasperation.
“Could that be because of the whole deal with the Florpus?” The Computer suggested. “That was the first time you actually mayorly inconvenienced the two humans simultaneously.”
“What? That’s nonsense!”
“I mean, there is precedent for it,” The Computer continued. “Remember Tak?”
“Who?”
The Computer released a mechanized sigh. “The irken girl who wanted to hollow out the planet. She created a situation that affected the human siblings directly, and as a result, caused both of them to team up to beat her alongside you.”
“Enough! I don’t pay you to spout brainless prattle!”
“You don’t pay me at-”
“Silence!” Zim ordered. “I don’t want to hear another word from you today!”
With that, the Computer fell silent, causing Zim to huff in perceived victory. “It doesn't matter. Zim will always prevail! If the Membrane pig-worms decide to team up, Zim will develop Healing Mist! If they decide to use water-guns, Zim will create a tsunami-maker and crush them! Nothing will stop me! Nothing will stop-”
“GIR! I told you to pause the show! The episode was just getting-”
Zim turned around at the sudden appearance of a new voice in the room. He then felt his squeedlyspooch squirm.
Standing in the middle of his living room, carrying a bowl of cheese nachos and staring directly at him, all while maintaining perfect silence and stillness, was Invader Skoodge.
The two irkens held each other’s gaze like deer in headlights, until Skoodge’s bowl slipped out of his hands and fell loudly on the floor.
That triggered everything.
Zim screamed and pointed at Skoodge, who also started screaming, holding his antennae down against his skull as he did. GIR also started screaming, waving his arms around and jumping on the couch.
The screaming continued for a while, until a panicked voice arose. “Zim! Zim calm down, it's just me! It's Skoodge!” The plump invader cried, having snapped out of it first.
That seemed to have gotten Zim back, since he gave his tired throat a rest and took in some ragged breaths before speaking. “Skoodge!? How in the- GIR, stop screaming!”
The silver bot immediately complied.
In the now deafening silence, only the rattled breathing of the two invaders could be heard.
“Skoodge, what is the meaning of this!? What are you doing in my base!?” Zim interrogated.
“I’m sorry! I just didn’t know where else to go!” Skoodge put his hands up defensively. “After everything that happened on Hobo 13, coupled with the fact the Tallest don't really like me, I thought I’d come to your base to lay low for a while.” The invader explained meekly.
“Wait,” Zim raised an arm. “You mean to tell me you have been hiding in Zim’s base for months ?”
Skoodge pursed his lips and waited for a beat before answering. “Yeah?”
Zim clenched his fists and ground his teeth, his antennae falling flat against his head as he raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Why was I never notified about this?” He hissed.
The only reply was silence.
“COMPUTER!”
“I thought you didn’t want to hear another word from me today?” The Computer’s voice sassed.
Zim felt one of the veins on his temple pop. He made a mental note to fray the Computer’s wiring and pour some water on its servers later.
“Why are you here, Skoodge?” Zim asked again. “I have an important mission to accomplish! I cannot afford distractions like yourself!”
“I know, I’m sorry! But there really wasn’t anywhere else to go! I tried looking for other bases, but Irken Communications have been entirely silent lately, so I came to the one place I knew would be safe.” Said Skoodge.
“Hmmm, that is true,” Zim conceded. “The Tallest have not replied to any of my calls recently either, which is strange. They are always so eager to listen to Zim’s wonderful reports.” He said with a self-complacent smile. “But that doesn't mean you can sneak into my base like some sort of sinister stowaway!”
“Look Zim, I’m sorry for sneaking into your base,” Skoodge began, putting his hands together. “But please don’t kick me out! I-I’ll be useful! I promise!” He pleaded, kneeling in front of Zim with a big-eyes and a trembling lower lip.
The smaller invader looked at the kneeling squatter with a tight frown. He squeezed his eyes shut and growled out his verdict. “Fine.”
Skoodge yelped in relief. “Oh thank you Zim! You won’t regret this!”
“I better not! Or I’ll use you to feed my next experiment!” Zim threatened, causing the plump invader to recoil. “Anyways, I must get to work. The Dib and his sister will not decimate themselves!”
“Um, do you want some help?” Skoodge offered. “I could maybe take out the human and his sister for you?”
“What purpose would you going out to eat with my enemies serve?” Zim asked with confusedly narrow eyes.
“I… I meant-” Skoodge traced a finger across his throat.
Zim’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh, yes, I knew that. But no! Only Zim can destroy the Dib-worm! Besides, you don’t even have a proper human disguise.” Zim said dismissively as he walked toward the access to the lower sections of his base.
“Oh, that’s true…” Skoodge admitted in a downcast tone. However, his antennae quickly perked up and a light appeared on his eyes. “Oh, oh! What if you helped me make one!?” Skoodge suggested with a smile.
Zim freezed on the spot. He then put a hand on his chin. “Hmmmm, I could do that,” He mused. “By incorporating you into my schemes, the Dib’s recent numerical advantage would be nullified! Yeeees… yes! Come Skoodge! We have evil plans to draw!” He stated with a malevolent laugh as he dashed off toward the trashcan elevator.
“Yes, sir!” Skoodge saluted before jogging after him.
********************
Dib felt a slight constriction in his chest as he watched his father get onto the shining metal bus that had arrived to pick him up.
Last night had been great all around. Dib got to enjoy quality time with his family uninterrupted and had passed out on Poop-Cola and Pizza after watching hours of robotic carnage. But all good things come to an end; and now here he was, on the porch of his home, saying goodbye to his father for the better part of four months.
After waving gingerly with a smile hidden by his lab coat, Prof. Membrane gave his son a thumbs up before finally getting on the bus. “Goodbye Children! I’ll bring you souvenirs!” He promised, just as the advanced machine barely made a sound as it started up, emitting no smog as it went down the street, growing smaller and smaller with distance.
Dib let out a solemn sigh. “See you later, Dad.” He whispered, eyes still glued to the last spot he’d been able to see the bus.
“C’mon man, don’t mope,” He felt Gaz nab him on the shoulder. “Four months is nothing.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Dib acknowledged, turning around and joining his sister as they entered their house. “It won't do us any good to just be sad about Dad’s absence. We must prepare for the inevitability of Zim’s next move!” He stated, striking a pose and looking off into the distance.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Gaz casually commented as she flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote, surfing through the channels. “Dad’s Anti-Christmas defense system is pretty extreme. I doubt that little green freak will be able to get in here without being burnt into a writhing, smoking, agonizing crisp.”
“You already set the thing to target Zim?”
“It was the first thing I did when Dad gave it to me.”
Dib felt his chest swell with pride for his little sister. However, he still had concerns to voice. “Well, unfortunately, Zim probably won't just stick to attacking our house. We have to be ready to go after him if he sets up some sort of doomsday device somewhere in The City. We won't always have the luxury of playing defensive.”
Gaz groaned, noticeably stopping her surfing on a news channel. “Listen Dib, as much as I like making Zim suffer, I don’t want it taking over my life like it did yours. I’d rather die than become a chair.” She declared, shuddering afterwards, whispering something about ‘the smell’ Dib wasn't able to fully pick up. “I know he’s a threat, but you are the alien investigator here, not me. You’ve handled him just fine on your own before.”
“Gaz, come on!” Dib whined. “I thought you finally understood how dangerous Zim is! Yeah, I might be able to beat him from time to time, but he usually beats me more often than I beat him!”
“That’s a lame thing to admit to.”
“I know!” Dib shrieked, throwing his arms up. “Which is why I need your help!” He finished, putting his hands together and looking pleadingly at his sister.
Gaz directed an intense glare at Dib, who in turn gave his sister puppy-dog eyes in an attempt to sway her to his side. Dib knew how much of an asset Gaz was, given her terrifying nature. If he could finally get her on his side permanently, he felt he had a real chance of finally putting a stop to Zim for good.
But before the silent debate could finish, a loud announcement came from the TV. “Breaking news!” A televised voice boomed. “Hello everyone, I am Jeff Sheffy and I am here at the city Cesspool where a bizarre and possibly quite dangerous situation is unfolding as we speak!”
Dib drew his attention to the man on screen, an average-looking guy wearing a white shirt and khaki pants he recognized as the reporter he’d seen exactly once before. Jeff kept talking, and Dib only grew more focused the more he heard. “As you can see behind me, the crane system on the main Cesspool caldera has gone haywire!” He announced, having his cameraman pan out and then zoom in to the massive, metal bowl-like structure, indeed revealing a system of gray cranes swaying with worrying speed. “The situation is so dangerous we have not been able to get any closer than this! But from what early reports estimate, catastrophic damage to the Cesspool is imminent, and with it, the flooding in sewage of the entire lower Neighborhood!”
Dib slid his fingers underneath his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He then let his digits rest there, slightly pushing against his eyeballs. “How long has it been since Dad left?” He asked in a strained tone.
“Like five minutes, tops.” Gaz hissed.
“Five minutes.” Dib repeated, lowering his hand, keeping his eyes closed as he contorted his face into a pained facsimile of a smile. “Five minutes. He couldn’t wait longer than five minutes.”
“Come on.” Gaz groaned as she kicked off the couch. “Let’s get this over with.”
********************
As Dib rushed toward the Cesspool’s main caldera with Gaz trailing close behind him, he noticed that the whole structure seemed to be emitting a constant screech of shifting metal.
“Gaz, did you have to bring your GameSlave with you for this?” Dib asked after glancing over his shoulder and noticing his sister’s head buried in her game console even as they climbed the steep, asymmetric stairs on the Cesspool’s ramparts.
“I’m not dropping my game streak for one of Zim’s half-baked plans,” Gaz stated simply. “Let’s just deal with this quickly.” She added just as Dib reached the cusp of the stairs.
Dib quickly took in the scene, plugging his nose as a precaution against the rancid fumes that floated upward from the pit beneath him. The Cesspool was as disgusting now as it had ever been; the final destination for a large part of The City’s waste and sewage, its noxious waters dotted with the dissolving carcasses of several animals.
Yet it was the wildly spinning cranes which outlined the Cesspool that were the real concern. The sturdy machines gyrated with unnatural speed, causing an even tremor to spread throughout the whole structure.
“Zim!” Dib shouted, already anxious from the sound of rumbling and straining steel.
The boy could see the outline of the green-skinned alien standing across the vast lake of septic sludge. “Aha! And so the worm-pigs arrived. Just as I predicted.” Zim’s voice echoed through the caldera.
All the way from where he stood- although he had to squint- Dib could see that Zim was wearing his Hobo costume; Beard, trenchcoat, flower-sporting hat and all.
“Shut whatever this is down, Zim!” Dib commanded, stepping onto the walkway that ran around the inner edge of the Cesspool, mentally thanking the engineers responsible for being decent enough to put a steady railing. “We won’t let you spill sewage all over The City!”
“Oh, stupid human,” Zim mused, pacing, his voice carried across the Cesspool via echo. “The spill won’t consume the entire city,” He said in mock reassurance. “Just your Neighborhood!” He laughed, throwing up his arms in a dramatic pose.
“Hey genius,” Gaz shouted suddenly, drawing the alien’s attention to her. “You do realize that if the Neighborhood floods with sewage, your house is going to get affected too, right?”
Zim’s laughter stopped abruptly. A silence then settled. “Nuh-uh.” Was all Zim could muster in reply.
“Whatever.” Gaz muttered, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.
“Anyways, you have no way to beat me, stink-beasts!” Zim taunted. “I’m all the way over here , and you are all the way over there ! Your puny human arms can’t reach me!”
“You wanna go left or right?” Dib nonchalantly asked his sister while Zim had another laughing fit.
“Left.” Gaz replied, pocketing her GameSlave. “You got your water gun ready?”
“Sure do. You?”
“Don’t need it.” Gaz declared, cracking her knuckles as she fixed Zim a deathglare.
“Alright then, let’s go!”
With that, Dib rushed through the walkway, his shoes clanking against the metal floor as he traveled right. He could see Gaz running in the opposite direction, meaning they would eventually loop around the caldera and pin down Zim.
“Oh, what is this?” Zim’s voice sounded. “Are the two pig-smellies trying to split Zim’s attention? What fools they must be, to think that would work! Feel the wrath of my numerically compensated minions!”
‘Numerically compensated?’ Dib repeated in his mind. He then came to a sudden halt when he saw something land in front of him, causing him to draw his water gun.
The figure before him was stout, barely a hair taller than Dib was, and that might have been an illusion created by the fact it was wearing a brown hat with a dandelion on its crown, as well as a massive gray beard that flowed all the way down to a cut above its legs. It did about as much good in hiding the figure’s familiar magenta uniform as Zim's typical disguises.
It was then, fully registering the green skin, lack of nose and all accompanying features, that Dib realized he was standing in front of a brand new irken. “Who in the world are you!?”
“Oh, I’m Skoodge!” The alien introduced himself. “I’m here to stop you from reaching Zim. Sorry!”
Dib then saw Skoodge dash toward him, moving surprisingly fast. Dib was barely quick enough to pull the trigger on his water gun. The plump irken’s eyes flashed with surprise, but before the stream of water could connect with his face, Skoodge deployed his PAK legs to spring off to the side.
Dib then felt a punch connect with his cheek, and the taste of iron filled his mouth. “Ow! That hurt!” He yelled, rubbing the swelling sore-spot on his face.
“Yeah… again, sorry about this,” Skoodge offered, before winding up for another punch. “I feel kinda bad about beating up human smeets, but if you’re going to get in the way of Zim’s conquest, I’m afraid I don’t have much choice.”
Dib dodged narrowly, backstepping. He then tried to unleash his water gun, but fast as lightning, Skoodge batted it away with a PAK leg, sending it far above Dib. When the boy brought his eyes back to Skoodge, he felt another punch land on his face, causing him to stagger backwards. He heard the water gun clatter loudly on the walkway shortly after.
“You.. augh , are a way better fighter than Zim,” Dib moaned as he tried putting up a boxer’s guard.
“Oh, thank you!” Skoodge beamed. “I’ve actually been studying your race’s martial arts during my stay here. I have to say, I think you guys are on to something. Like, this move-” He thrust his arm forward, easily slipping past Dib’s guard and slamming his palm into Dib’s throat, causing the boy to wheeze and grasp his windpipe. “-Is really cool!”
Dib clutched his aching throat, struggling to not fall on his knees, only to be brought down when Skoodge punched him again. The impact of his head hitting the walkway followed shortly afterwards. The stunned boy could see Skoodge looming over him, a slight grimace on his fake-bearded face. “Again, not too proud of beating up kids,” He muttered. “But anyways, I have to go now. Need to make sure GIR is doing okay against your sister.”
“Nooooo,” Dib wheezed, reaching a feeble arm for Skoodge as the stout irken extended his PAK legs and rushed past him.
********************
As she tried to keep a steady stance while the spinning cranes around her sent a constant rumble beneath her feet, Gaz was grinding her teeth to dust.
Zim’s tiny silver robot was running circles around her. Literally.
GIR had a makeshift contraption tied to his head that dangled a carrot in front of him, barely out of reach. This caused the deranged little robot to run after the vegetable non-stop, cackling wildly all the while. He had bumped into, cut-off, and tripped Gaz more times than she could count, and showed no signs of slowing down. Every attempt to grab or punch the robot ended with her swinging at thin air, much to the girl’s quickly rising chagrin.
If it were not for GIR, she would be throttling Zim by now, which led her to hope Dib had at least gotten past whatever “numerical compensation” Zim had sent his way.
As soon as she finished that thought, she felt the walkway shake with particular vigor beneath her.
Gaz turned around to see what to her looked like an overweight version of Zim’s hobo disguise. “Who are you supposed to be?”
“My name’s Skoodge! I’m here to stop you.” The fatter alien commented.
“You’re here to get in my way,” Gaz snapped back. “And that means you’re here to get beaten up.” She added, cracking her neck and glaring at the alien.
Skoodge flinched at the sudden hostility, giving Gaz the brief opening she needed to leap at Skoodge and throw her whole weight behind her punch.
The alien however, managed to sidestep out of the way, boosting himself with his PAK legs. Gaz then felt a kick land on her back, causing her to fall over.
As she picked herself up, she noticed the alien was looking over to GIR. “Nice work stalling her GIR, I can take it from here!” He said in a congratulatory tone, apparently oblivious to the fact GIR was likely not listening.
Gaz took advantage of this by kicking up and rushing at Skoodge once again. However, the alien used a quick burst of his PAK legs to dodge out of the way, this time following up by tripping Gaz. Gasping from the sudden redirection, Gaz felt roughly on her side.
Then she heard a crunch.
That sound caused all others to fade away for Gaz. Her eyes snapped open as she slowly lifted herself off the ground, standing up straight, her back to Skoodge, GIR’s racket imperceptible. She then lowered a hand to her pocket, feeling through the fabric.
She felt a jagged, unfamiliar tip rise from the volume of her GameSalve.
It had broken when Skoodge tripped her.
Skoodge had tripped her and broken it.
Skoodge had broken it.
Gaz took in a deep, deep breath. She then turned around, one angular inch at a time until she could see Skoodge. Until she saw the alien’s green skin turn white.
In a sudden motion, Gaz reached out for the metal railing beside her, and then proceeded to rip a whole segment off with a rusty screech. Wielding her brand new club, Gaz got into a steady march toward Skoodge.
At this advance, the still pale alien actually took a step backward. “Uhhh, G-GIR? GIR help me please?” Skoodge swallowed his spit, glancing over Gaz’s shoulder.
The girl could hear GIR still chasing his stupid toy, but as Skoodge continued pleading for the robot’s attention, steadily growing more nervous with each step back he took, Gaz saw the moment of weakness she needed. In what she chalked up to a nervous tic, Skoodge shut his eyes closed as he called GIR for help. That was enough. Like a coiled up rattlesnake, Gaz swung her improvised club at Skoodge.
The steel rod collided against the side of Skoodge’s head with such force, it bent around the contour of his skull, emitting a crisp metallic clang. The impact knocked the fat alien off his feet, his body falling limply to the side.
Gaz loomed in silence over the fallen alien, her now bent weapon still held in her white-knuckled hand.
“Gaaaaz!” Dib’s voice echoed “Don’t worry, I’m coming! I’ll-” Dib trailed off when he arrived and laid eyes on the scene before him.
Count on her brother to show up at the worst possible moment. She was not going to pop Skoodge’s head open in front of him.
“Oh wow, you-uh, you really knocked him out cold.” Dib uttered. She saw him point a finger at Skoodge. “Is he… you know-”
“No.”
“Oh. Alright.” Dib sighed.
“Useless dookie-drone!” A shrill voice screamed. “I knew you were a bad idea, Skoodge!”
Gaz turned to see Zim approaching with his PAK legs out. “It appears I have to deal with you myself, stink-beasts! But it doesn’t matter. Zim’s great plan is almost complete!” He announced, rubbing his hands together. As Zim spoke, Gaz’ attention was returned to the rumbling that permeated the Cesspool.
It had gotten stronger all of a sudden. She and her brother stumbled, attempting to balance themselves as the Cesspool shook and rocked under the accelerating cranes.
“What is even causing this!?” Dib asked in exasperation. “This whole setup makes no sense!”
“Come now, human,” Zim chuckled. “Don’t tell me you don’t recognize the architect of your doom!” He shouted, over-emphasizing the word ‘doom’ as he raised his arms to the sky pointing to something.
Gaz followed Zim’s finger, leading her to notice a tiny purple dot hovering far above her. She frowned, quickly recognizing the dot as Minimoose, the space robot that had been responsible for the Earth’s teleportation and the creation of the Florpus Hole.
“Minimoose’s unmatched telekinetic powers will tear this disgusting bowl of trash-juice asunder, and your home will smell like blob-droppings forever! Hahahah!”
“From planet teleporter to crane operator,” Gaz thought aloud as she bent the railing segment in her hands back into a straight shape. “Mayor downgrade.”
“Gaz, what are you doing?” Dib asked in a panicked voice.
The girl stayed silent, instead changing her grip on her weapon, now holding it like a javelin. She raised her free hand in front of her, putting up her thumb to improve her aim. Sticking her tongue out, Gaz calculated her throw and took in a steading breath.
Channeling her rage at her damaged GameSlave, Gaz roared as she turned her body to fire the railing segment like a spear. The rod of metal whistled through the air. Far above, where Minimoose’s outline could be seen, a flash of purple electricity appeared, accompanied by a pained “Nyah!”. The cranes came to a grinding halt soon after, dispelling the rumbling through the Cesspool.
“Minimooooooose! Noooooooo!” Zim cried in anguish, completely forgetting the fact his plan had effectively been foiled as he used his PAK legs to spring after his falling minion.
“Wow, nice shot!” Gaz heard Dib say behind her.
The girl turned around to see her brother. She he did not say anything. She instead scanned the area, noticing that along with the screeching of the cranes, GIR’s insane laughter had also gone silent. In fact, the silver robot was nowhere to be seen… as was Skoodge.
Gaz balled up her fists at the fact the fat meatball of an alien had broken her GameSlave and gotten away with it far better off than she would have liked. However, she also noticed Dib was now looking at her with a strange expression.
“Gaz are you okay?”
The girl kept quiet, preferring to show instead of speaking, and took her damaged GameSlave from her pocket. It was then that she finally got a good look at it. Her rage flared up all over again as she fought her reflex to clench her fingers into a fist around her already damaged device.
The GameSlave’s screen was cracked, and one of the buttons had popped off. A corner of the lower casing was bent and dented, and of course, a large fracture had created a noticeable spike.
“Oh man,” Dib uttered as he took a hold of the console, holding it with the tips of his fingers, as if it was made of porcelain he could break if he squeezed too hard. However, his eyes lit up and he smiled at Gaz. “Don’t worry. I’ll fix it up for you.” He promised casually, making Gaz blink. “It looks like all the damage is mostly cosmetic. These things have pretty tough casings, so I wouldn’t worry about it.” Dib continued, angling the GameSlave to better assess the damage. “Anyways, I’m beat. That Skoodge guy is apparently a martial arts master. Ready to go back home?”
Gaz kept silent. Delivering a single court nod.
Dib smiled again.
Gaz did not feel terribly disgusted at that.
********************
Zim carried Minimoose in his arms, petting the little machine and resting his cheek against his purple hide. “Oh Minimoose, never scare me like that again.” The irken pleaded between tears.
“Nyah.” Minimoose squeaked melowly.
The floating robot had suffered only a slight dent to his hull from Gaz’s terrifyingly potent javelin throw, but was destabilized enough to knock his telekinetic powers off line for a little while.
Regardless, Zim was not willing to risk his favored minion’s safety.
His other minions, however…
Zim’s care for Minimoose was quickly washed over by his rage at his duo of incompetents. So, after checking Minimoose was well enough to float on his own, Zim turned around to see GIR and Skoodge.
The plump irken had half of his head bruised and swollen to twice its original size. He walked unsteadily, but diligently followed, even as GIR piggybacked him. “Hyah! Go horsie, go!”
“GIR, get down from Skoodge right now!” Zim commanded, stomping loudly.
“Uh oh, master’s angry, horsie!”
“Yeah…” Skoodge muttered through his half-functioning mouth.
“You were a disgrace! How did your tiny mind think up the idea to break the Gaz-beast’s entertainment device!?”
“It was- It was an accident Zim. I didn’t- didn’t mean to-”
“And in any case, you claimed to know all of the human’s combat techniques, how did you even lose to her!?”
“I thought GIR would help me…” Skoodge admitted.
“Why would you ever think that!?” Zim hollered, slamming his hands into his face and groaning into them.
“I’m sorry, Zim. I-I’ll do better next time.”
Zim growled and grit his teeth. Regardless of Skoodge’s reliability, he was worth keeping around. If he could not even the odds against the Membrane siblings, Zim rationalized that one more minion to use for his plans was a net positive. Skoode at least was obedient, which was more than he could say for GIR.
“Let us return to base,” Zim sighed. “Ask the Computer to heal you. I can’t think of my next plan with your bloated face harassing my eyeballs.” He finished just as the group reached the lawn of his base.
“Yes, sir.”
After hearing Skoodge’s reply, Zim moved to open his door. When his hand touched the doorknob however, he realized the door was ajar.
Alarms went off in Zim’s mind as he realized someone had entered his base. But rather than panic, Zim smiled a sharp, malicious smile.
If the intruder was still inside, Zim would be spared the need to hide their body.
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AUTHOR’S NOTES:
Greetings! My second fic is an Invader Zim one!
So, general notes for this one:
- This takes place after Enter the Florpus, and also cherry-picks events from the comics. Since the whole timeline is rather dubious at the best of times, I think this should be rather easy to roll with.
- Character development from Florpus is taken as default. That’s why Gaz is much less “malevolent” in this than she otherwise would be and stuff like that.
- This fic will have messed up Gore some times. The original show was pretty graphic at times, so it’s in-line with the source material. However, other than that, there won't be other touchy stuff, like swearing, drugs/alcohol, sex stuff, etc.
- The story will be somewhat linear, and focused on character antics and a bit of violence.
- Shippers will be starved a bit. Most of the characters (other than the literally century-old irkens) are children and I don’t wanna go to jail.
- The fic will be released in 5-Chapter “Arcs”. I have 20 Chapters planned, so there’s going to be 4 Arcs to this “Season”.
- There’s going to be quite a few characters from the franchise showing up. Some of them aren’t all too fleshed out, so I’ll basically be making up their personalities using what little we do know about them from the show/comics.
- There’s going to be a few OC’s. Like… three or four.
So, if that doesn’t sound like something you’d enjoy, that's fine.
But if you want in, I’d be glad to have you. Let’s go!
PS: Skoodge is like… the single best invader in the show? He not only conquered arguably the second most challenging planet in Operation Impending Doom 2 other than Meekrob, but he did it before any other invader finished their own assignments. So yeah, I made him a little bit of a badass here, but he is still very much the quiet, shy, apologetic type on top of that. What I mean is; if I have Skoodge do a triple backflip, don’t freak out, xd.