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It happens on one of those mornings. She’d wasted precious time trying (and ultimately discarding) every outfit in her closet which meant that the line was out of the door by the time she made it to her favorite coffee shop and she’d have to forgo her usual fix in order to make it to work on time.
The bad luck continued as Rachel found herself squeezed against the side of the subway car by the finance bro whose commitment to manspreading was only challenged by his apparent obsession with Drakkar Noir. Chattering away on his cellphone, it took the 4th “brah” in the span of 60 seconds to spark a desperate search of her purse for her airpods…..which were definitely still sitting on her nightstand. Shit.
Slumping back with a sigh, she resigned herself to an aimless scroll through her socials and offering the occasional like and more than a few guilty “happy belated!!” comments as she passed notifications from friends who had apparently drifted into the acquaintance bucket without her knowledge.
Lucy Chen has added a new photo.
There’s a pang in her chest when she realizes the notification is a couple of days old - there was a time where they didn’t go hours without speaking but now she can’t recall the last time they had even texted. There was that Facetime call when she’d tipsily wished Lucy cheers from the future babe! on New Years - but surely they’ve interacted since, right?
The tap of Finance Bro’s shoulder against hers as the train trundles into the next station snaps her out of her spiral and she can’t help but slant a glare in his direction before turning her attention back to her screen. The inconsistent signal underground forces the image to load one pixel at a time and she’s drawn immediately to the brightness of the California sun and the hint of blue water that slowly comes into view. But soon enough her attention is drawn to the figures in the center - Lucy, red-faced and sweaty, but grinning ear-to-ear as she kneels next to a canine who is in the process of turning away from the camera, a blur of brindle and lolling pink tongue - and Tim.
Ostensibly, she knows they are still working together - kind of like partners I guess? she recalls Lucy mentioning during one of their calls after she’d finished training - so it shouldn’t surprise her to see him in the frame, brow shaded by his beloved Dodgers cap and ratty blue t-shirt soaked from their exertions.
Crushed another trail! @Tim Bradford breakfast is on you! The caption is innocent enough - surely it’s encouraged for police officers to exercise regularly - and she does her best to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut when her gaze is drawn back to Tim’s face. He looks….
The subway jostles again as they reach her stop and her attention shifts to forcing Finance Bro out of the seat and it isn’t long before the hustle of the city distracts her entirely.
–
The flurry of emails and tasks keeps her busy for a few hours, but her thoughts inevitably drift during the weekly all staff. Discreetly bringing up the photo again, she ruefully acknowledges that Tim is still as handsome as ever as she zooms in on his expression, traces her thumb over his grin. It’s a strange feeling - he’s familiar and a complete stranger all at once - because she never saw him like this.
She recalls his smirk, that subtle lift of the corner of his mouth, earned over candlelight dinners and quiet conversations, in a darkened bedroom with tangled sheets, and other moments in between. She has tasted that smirk, felt it drag across every inch of her skin, the way it lingered even after she turned away that final time.
But she knows, she knows, she’s never seen him smile. That was never hers.
Unable to resist, she finds herself scrolling through Lucy’s feed. And it doesn’t take a detective to weave together a story from the breadcrumbs of clues she finds. A coffee shop near his home was tagged a few weeks ago, an image of an artfully decorated dinner plate with the glint of a familiar watch in the background a month before that, a bathroom selfie with shining eyes and a new gold necklace on a certain Hallmark holiday. It’s foolish, she knows it is, and yet she continues to scroll.
“It’s silly,” she confesses to the girls from the office later that night, huddled into their usual booth at the bar around the corner. “We weren’t even that serious - and then I was moving - it's just...you know?”
“He was your maybe,” Jacinda cuts in with a small shrug. The oldest of their little group, she can be the most nurturing, or the most dangerous depending on her mood. She gives the usual signal for shots to Brendan behind the bar making it clear which side she’s leaning towards tonight. “We’ve all got one, babe,” she adds with a sly grin as Brendan begins pushing the tiny glasses their way. They’ve been playing cat and mouse with each other for weeks, but Rachel’s not sure either really wants to get caught.
“Better a maybe than an asshole,” Kara adds from Rachel’s other side, the bitterness in her tone making it clear the latest round of negotiations with her soon-to-be ex-husband hadn’t gone well.
Humming sympathetically, Rachel gives her arm a quick squeeze before looking back at Jacinda. "I don't think I'd go that far. We only went out the first time as a favor to..." She trails off as an uncomfortable truth worms it way through her subconscious.
"Excuse me a moment," she mumbles, pushing away from the bar as memories start to rearrange themselves into a pattern she hadn't (or refused) to recognize until now.
Slipping into the restroom, she revels in the quiet for a moment before digging her phone out of her pocket with a sigh. “Enough,” she announces to her reflection. "He was never yours. She just let you borrow him for a spell."
Her stare off lingers until she's sure the message has been truly received. Glancing back to her phone, looks like an amazing day! Enjoy you two! she forces herself to comment with an additional cheery emoji thrown in.
It only takes a few seconds for Lucy to acknowledge the response with a heart and she returns the phone to her pocket, slipping out of the restroom and back to the comfort of her new life.