Work Text:
A familiar feeling washed over San, the daze clouding his troubled mind.
It was everything and nothing all at once.
Regression.
Alleviating his stress, even if only temporarily, was more than he could ever ask for.
For the most part school was a breeze, though recently he’d been slipping a little on assignments and receiving lower marks than usual.
Shockingly enough stress will do that to you.
San understood his parents’ concerns and truly took them to heart.
He was adamant on improving before finals.
But how much burden can one bear?
Perfect grades and constant praise was standard - anything less and he was a disappointment?
How much longer could San live like this?
Was this even a life worth living?
This parent-child dynamic riddled in conditionality was destined to fail.
What had once been constructive criticism quickly spiralled into verbal abuse - constant, relentless and unbearing.
Rather than striving for excellence, the teen had been conditioned to believe in a flawed concept from the very beginning.
The ethos of perfectionism so carefully interwoven in the fabric of myriad messages strewn throughout competitive culture - at home, at school and in the depths of his mind.
This obsessive, debilitating system had made San lose sight of what he wanted.
Rather than living by his own definition of success, he had become a mere projection of his parents’ forgotten fantasies.
Days, weeks, years of yearning for this so-called flawlessness and he had had enough.
Thinking in such binary terms had caused him nothing but misery and in a matter of moments, the myopic worldview shattered before his very eyes.
It was eating him alive, and no one else could tell.
He needed the world to slow down for a moment and allow him to just….
Be.
But nothing ever stopped.
Heaviness had made a home within his chest.
The world kept on turning with no concern for how he felt inside.
San clambered onto his bed, and curled his small frame into foetal position.
Diving under the covers, the little finally let go.
He felt his bottom lip wobble, sniffling as tears came to his eyes.
Without thinking much of it, he brought a thumb to his mouth, and began to suckle.
The action doubled as both an attempt to self soothe and to muffle his whimpering.
Being responsible was so exhausting.
As if on cue, a firm *knock* *knock* *knock* on the door.
Whoever could that be?
The doorknob began to rattle.
“San-ah?”
Moments later and San could hear Yunho’s gentle voice calling out to him from inside the room.
“...Y-yunnie-hyung?”
He slowly poked his head out from underneath the blanket.
“San-ah, is everything okay?”
Yunho frowned, his eyes drawn immediately to the tears staining San’s face.
He slowly made his way over to the bedside, so as not to startle his little one.
“Oh, baby,”
Yunho murmured, lifting San’s body up off the bed and into his arms.
The little, so easily overwhelmed, began to cry once more.
“Hey… hey… it’s alright San-ah, hyungie’s here now. I’m here now, okay? I’m not going anywhere baby.” Yunho shushed.
The little whimpered in response, hiding his reddening face in the crook of Yunho’s neck; to which the latter wrapped his strong arms protectively around the regressor.
San always felt so small when Yunho was holding him.
“Was my baby having a hard time without hyungie? Hmm?” Yunho cooed into his roommate’s ear.
San’s cheeks flushed pink.
He sniffled, clinging tightly to his hyungie’s shirt.
“What’s the matter, little one?” Yunho asked softly.
“ I- I’m s-so, so… ”
He stammered, tears of frustration threatening to spill.
Yunho grazed his thumb lightly across San’s cheek, their eyes meeting momentarily.
“I’m listening baby,”
“M’ s-scared… m’ rlly, rlly scared!” San cried out.
Yunho cooed once more, soothing the little whilst pacing the room.
He could feel San’s small frame shaking against him.
“Don’ wan’ mama to le…leave me,” he wailed.
Yunho pouted, patting San’s back gently.
‘Mama?’ The little had certainly never called him that before…
San must be really far into headspace, Yunho thought to himself.
But what to do?
“My little darling, why ever would mama leave you? Hmm?”
He paused.
“Mama loves you more than you’ll ever know, San-ah,”
And then a whispered,
“I love you, San-ah,”
Yunho, ever the charmer, was quick to respond to the little’s needs.
San turned to look up at him.
“Mama’s not angry?” He whispered, voice barely audible.
Yunho’s face softened.
“Of course not, sweetheart. Mama loves you so so much, okay?” He replied, pressing his soft lips against San’s forehead.
Adopting the new title in an instant, he returned to soothing his baby, rubbing circles on the little one’s back.
San leaned into the comforting touch.
His cries began to quieten, seeking comfort by nuzzling against the elder.
“Oh my sweet baby, today was a long day, wasn’t it? My baby boy is always so good for Mama,” the sound of sweet-nothings resonated throughout the room.
“Feeling hungry, love?” Yunho asked, watching in a passing mirror as San gnawed on his thumb absentmindedly.
Yunho’s steady fingers threaded the little’s long, grown-out hair and stroked down his neck.
He took San’s babbling as confirmation and nodded firmly.
“Okay little darling, let’s go,”
And with that, he shifted the little onto his hip and carried San through the dorm’s corridor and into the kitchen.
Their chemistry was indescribable.
Yunho could anticipate San’s sentences with ease, allowing him to be a caregiver that was fine-tuned to whatever the little required.
San threw his arms around Yunho’s neck and pulled their bodies closer.
“I’m here baby, Mama’s here,” Yunho murmurs, returning the hug with equal conviction.
“ T’ank u… for lookin after Sannie, Mama...” The little whispered, his lips so close to Yunho’s ear, he could feel the heat from San’s breath.
Yunho turns his head, softly pressing his lips against San’s cheek.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he replied.