Work Text:
it was somewhat hot that day, but it could have just been because alador had been holed up in his lab for hours on end.
sure, he'd cracked the code on how to properly remove coven sigils, but there was still a lot of work to be done - he had to make it easier, more accessible. on top of all of that, the current method took too long and involved too many people, so he had to make it more efficient. he had his work cut out for him, belos had made sure of that. yet somehow, despite knowing he had to work more on this, he wasn't able to devote every percentage of his brainpower to this. for one, he'd promised his kids that he would never lose sight of them again. but for another, this was someone unwanted who was taking up space.
ever since the first successful trial of his sigil-removing experiment, he was unable to get a particular moment of it out of his head. it wasn't what should have been there - actually succeeding should have been the most memorable part. yet somehow it was what had followed - darius, who had been overseeing the trial, had grabbed his shoulders excitedly, shaking him around. he remembered blinking rapidly as he waited for the world to stop shaking. once it did, darius' face was all he could see.
he wiped off his hands before swiping one across his brow, smearing a few beads of sweat away. sighing, he decided to take a break from work since he hadn't drunk or eaten anything for a few hours and was beginning to feel it. he left his lab and sucked in a few gulps of fresh air; absolutely he'd only been hot because of low ventilation. at some point it had started to rain outside, and he could hear the fizzling as the boiling raindrops plip plip plipped to the ground. he sat down in his cozy chair with a mug of apple blood and a good book.
well...actually, the book would've been better if he'd been able to get darius' too-pretty face out of his mind.
it was odd to say the least that this was something he was thinking about. darius' face had always looked like that, he'd always been attractive - he strived to remember, though, when he'd started finding all of him attractive. somewhere along the line, their friendship had faded to hatred had faded to bitterness had faded to...whatever it was now. perhaps with odalia out of the picture, everything was beginning to heal...she had been the reason they'd splintered in the beginning - he was easily distracted, she was bossy and pushy and she'd managed to push the two of them apart for one reason or another. alador regretted even letting her do that because that had been the beginning of his moral downfall, and now he was still picking up the pieces. maybe darius had seen that. or maybe he was just starting to.
it took a little while for alador to realize that he'd been reading the same passage, leaving pages unturned for roughly five minutes. he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, feeling the familiar nubs under his calloused fingertips, succumbing to daydreams of days past; there was no point escaping them at this point so he didn't even bother trying. darius filled his thoughts; he'd been much more kind, more neighborly, and through being a ringleader of the reconstruction projects had helped oversee and contribute to some of alador's most recent experiments. there'd been teasing, albeit lighthearted, about alador being a hack. he remembered one night he'd fallen asleep working and waking up to feel a blanket around his shoulders and a mug of apple blood. later in the day he'd thanked amity for it, but she explained who really had.
at some point he must have dozed off because when he awoke, it was no longer raining and there was someone knocking on the door; it didn't take long to discern the knocks as darius' which was just alador's luck. of course when he was having these sorts of issues, the person who'd caused them just had to show up.
he set the still-unread book aside and stood up from his chair, unsure of whether the creaking was coming from him or the chair, then shuffled over to the door.
"oh, good. i thought you were still downstairs working." that was darius all right, arrogant tone and all. instead of looking up at alador he seemed to be trying his absolute hardest to come up with an excuse not to look at him, picking at invisible dust on his outfit and examining his golden nails. he was impeccable, as compared to alador who was still wearing work clothes...and his work.
"i'm done for today," alador responded. he wanted to ask why darius was there if he clearly didn't want to talk to him but decided not to. he told himself it was for the sake of healing.
unfortunately for the both of them, neither of them seemed quite sure what to say next. alador glanced at the stagnant puddles on the ground, feeling very much like them at the moment. his words still hung in the air and he didn't want to look at darius.
finally, with a soft huff, darius gestured vaguely indoors. "well? can i come in?"
alador stepped out of the doorway so that darius could come inside. "could've just asked," he mumbled when they were close, and darius made an indignant noise in response. he wiped off a chair akin to alador's, making sure there was nothing on it, before sitting down, arms crossed. he still refused to look up at alador, who was starting to wonder if maybe this was something about the other day...they hadn't exactly spoken much after that and darius had avoided him for the rest of the test trials. he sat down in his usual chair and picked his apple blood mug back up, sipping from it slowly.
"i don't see why you're still working on the cure," darius began, for once looking up at alador - or more accurately looking at his clothes, dirty and covered in abomination goo, making alador feel strangely self-conscious.
"it worked, but it's inefficient. i'm trying to find-"
"what i'm saying is, nobody is expecting this to happen overnight. erasing decades of scarring is going to take a while and you've been working on this for years."
"yeah, and i only just got successful results."
darius sighed heavily, long and loud, and for a moment alador did feel his green gaze on his face. "you're insufferable." alador felt his face steadily heating up and it was only a matter of time before it'd be all red. "you need to step back. i'd been hoping that without odalia dogging you, you'd stop working so hard. but you're stressing yourself out, holing yourself up down there."
alador hummed out a response, trying to hide his tomato blush from darius.
"you're not even trying to enjoy the new world we helped create...are you trying to punish yourself?"
some of the apple blood spilled out of the mug. it wasn't because he was angry that his grip tightened and hands shook. deep down he knew that darius was actually right and he hadn't even known it until now. he was trying to punish himself for all of the wrongs he'd committed. one being marrying odalia, and if he hadn't known himself better he would've said that was the biggest one. since he did, though, he knew that even without odalia he would have been a doormat to someone else, a pawn in someone else's game. not just hers. and not just belos' either.
"i'm right, aren't i?" darius' voice came out soft that time, losing the air of importance that it usually had. there was a bit of a hesitation, then alador felt a soft hand on his knee. he nodded, slow and melancholic, and another little sigh fell from darius' lips. "i think...we all have things to feel guilty about, but you can't let it ruin this world for you."
deciding to deflect the question - because i mean, honestly, did darius expect him to pour his heart out to him when he'd barely done that with his own kids? - he asked, "what do you feel guilty about?"
"don't change the subject."
"i'm not." he swallowed, adam's apple bobbing. he didn't miss the way darius' tone had suddenly grown defensive again. "changing the subject would be talking about the weather. but you sound like you speak from experience, so what are you guilty for?"
their eyes finally met, and darius pulled his perfectly manicured hand away from alador's stained trousers with a cough. "why would you like to know?"
that was every answer alador needed to hear. clearly it was something about him. part of him hoped to think that darius' form of self-punishment had been pulling away every time they got close again, but that was...ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. despite how true it felt.
he set his still-untouched mug down. “if i need to be honest with you, you should be honest with me.”
darius’ green eyes narrowed in challenge, and his hair seemed to flicker and flow a little faster. for once alador actually stared him down, his own gaze stern but not mean. he could hear darius’ nails drumming on the table next to his chair.
finally:
”al,”
a nickname alador hadn’t heard in years, uttered with so much unspoken pain. he hoped that meant it was about to be.
”i don’t think i handled any of what happened between us the best i could.” darius’ tapping grew faster, and alador watched his nails glitter in the afternoon light filtering in through the windows. “but when you chose odalia over me-“
”-i didn’t choose her,” alador cut in, cringing and correcting him because that couldn’t have been further from the truth, “and this isn’t about her.”
“right. well, that’s how it felt. to me.” darius rolled his eyes. “if you want me to talk so badly, don’t interrupt me.”
alador pursed his lips and gestured for darius to continue, still appalled that darius thought he’d ever wanted him out of his life until he’d started behaving the way he did. he’d been his first friend, the person who’d made him interested in abominations in the first place. even now, he was still an inspiration.
“something changed when we got older and i know you know that. you liked her. and…” darius sucked in a breath, looking more flustered than alador had ever seen him.
“and you thought insulting me and my achievements…”
he trailed off and waited for darius to finish the sentence, but instead he just nodded, and didn’t say anything else. his skin was a shade darker and he definitely seemed to be closing himself back off. maybe it had been a bad idea trying to get him to talk about it - alador wouldn’t be surprised if darius never showed his face again after this.
“are you okay?”
”no.”
“i-“
”FINE! ugh. alador…i liked you. and odalia knew, she acted like i could trust her. but then she kept trying to push me out and i guess- no, i did. i blamed you for all of it. so this is about her whether you like it or not.”
the information sort of hit alador like a truck because that was the last thing he’d expected to hear come out of darius’ mouth. that sent his face glowing a bright red, his heart pumping out of control. all he could do was grip his knees, trying his hardest not to rock back and forth but it was impossible with all of this new information and overwhelming feelings. so he did, albeit slowly, but just enough for darius to notice. his face softened again and he muttered out a soft apology, something along the lines of not meaning to overwhelm him.
“it’s okay,” alador responded, nibbling at his lips.
darius didn’t seem to know what to do with himself while alador tried to calm down. he crossed his arms awkwardly, tapping his foot on the floor, his nails on his arms. he looked half concerned and half like he was going to be sick. and wholly flustered.
finally alador glanced back up at darius, enjoying the sight much better than his hands clutching at his knees. “if it helps at all…i have feelings now,” he mumbled, his lips curling upwards into a small smile.
darius arched an eyebrow in interest, relaxing his tense shoulders. “you do?”
”i didn’t exactly push you away the other day.”
darius’ nails stopped drumming and a tentative hand laid to rest on alador’s knee once more. “i noticed…but i’m trying to stop making assumptions about you like i did before,” he admitted, beginning to smile as well, though it did falter since it seemed like he’d forgotten something. “i’m sorry.”
“i’m sorry i let odalia do that.” there was honestly a lot odalia did that alador felt obligated to apologize for.
“i know you didn’t let her. she just did it, because…well, that’s odalia.” they both shared a chuckle at that. “i was dumb enough not to notice it till she-” darius glanced down when alador rested his hand atop of darius’, and for once the former head witch didn’t wince at the grease and slime that coated alador’s hardworking hands. he glanced up at alador in surprise before coughing and finishing his thought, though he was unable to keep his peridot gaze off of their hands. “ever since i realized that i’ve been trying to get us back to how we were, but you’re right too.”
it was pretty easy to figure out that what he’d been “right” about was that darius had been guiltily holding back. mouth twitching, alador nodded slowly and gazed down at their hands too. he wondered why it was so much more intimate to be looking at their hands together rather than their own eyes, but then again neither of them had ever been ones for eye contact.
darius’ hand rolled over, his fingers intertwining with alador’s. soon after alador felt soft hands pushing his messy hair away from his forehead, a little kiss pressing at the worry lines etched between his brows.
maybe it was a small gesture, but maybe it was exactly what they needed for now.