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Chapter Text

Adora sighed as the doors to her old barracks shut gently, her back slowly moved down the metal as her legs hit the ice cold ground. Taking a deep look at the room she never could understand how she used to call this her comfort. Trailing blue eyes followed the light in the room, catching onto the wavy claw marks that had erased the two names that were once stained onto the brick.

Adora, Bow, Catra and Glimmer were spending their week cleaning up the Fright Zone for Scorpia as a surprise. They only had one floor left, but Adora couldn't bring her self to do it yet, so she opted that they took a break over the weekend and came back to it the following week. Everyone had agreed without any further suspicion, or maybe they were suspicious but the fact that exhaustion had them all in a deadly choke-hold, balanced out their worries.

She wasn't sure why she wanted to see this place once more so badly. Maybe it was because in less than 2 days it would be stripped of any memories that once decorated the walls. Change wasn't something she was accustomed to, but something she was adapting to. Sure she didn't hate change as much as Catra did, but it threw her out of her loop, re-arranged her cycles- fogged up her brain. Change left openings for things that shouldn't enter her mind, thoughts she knew she should leave behind.

The air moved around her frame as she slowly walked over to their old closets. Her and Catra's always was the furthest from the door- and till this day Adora could never guess why the feline wanted it like that but she never thought to question it as something as small as privacy in the Horde was simply unheard of. If you were a cadet that is.

Gently running her rough, callused hands over the stone cold steel, she, in her path to the handle, caressed the shredded metal where Adora's name once was engraved. Adora knew why though, she knew it better than anyone else. Catra lived for familiarity and comfortably- which is why she erased all physical aspects of Adora whenever she could during the unhappy terms. She was already in the felines head 24/7 at some point.

The doors crunched open as the rusted handle clattered to the ground. In the back of the darkened closet sat a pile of musty looking papers, crumpled and stained with time. Intrigued as to what they might be, Adora reached forward and pulled them out and towards her.

"Crap" The blonde hissed as she dropped the papers. A large (ish) spider had crawled out the pages, apparently upset that it's home was being moved. As the bug crawled away, Adora bent down as she scooped up the papers a specific piece catching her eye as it was scrawled all over with her name in a familiar messy handwriting. Smirking Adora reached over and grabbed it, thinking she finally had some blackmail on Catra after the feline had found her wishes book with the former Horde Commander's name all over it.

The second her eyes hit a coherent sentence, she froze. Paralyzed by the fear she'd had since they came back from the Heart. She'd brought it up once in Perfuma's 'Couple's Therapy' that the princess has forced her and Catra into together, but the feline had shut it down immediately, saying she never really wanted to erase Adora but she needed to get her out of her head. Adora thought that Catra had meant it truly when a few weeks before they found Shadow weavers old paper-books of cadets and Adora's name was replaced with a scrappy slick of one-sided tape and instead of her name was bold black letters that spelt 'Mistake'

The air felt tighter around Adora

Adora had always questioned her existence, with every other fright zone recruit's parents at least still in the world they lived in, plus the fact that the majority remembered their parents faces, and her only memory being or Hordak and Shadow Weaver, she had always felt that her placement in the world was a mistake and that she was nothing short of an accident. That her birth parents never wanted her in the first place and gotten rid of her the first chance they got. The more she thought, the tighter the air got, the closer the walls got, the more salt water built up in the corner of her eyes, the more sour bile rose in her throat. Catra promised her that her worth was more that the world combined, that she was here for a reason, that she had a purpose on this world, but she'd lied about one thing already, so why would she believe her now?

It seemed such a stupid issue to mention in the first place, but she couldn't help take it further out of question. Since the confession and kiss at the Heart, Adora and Catra never discussed what they were. No strings bound to their newfound relationship. No detachments when it sinks and fails miserably.

She tried to think rationally, because while her mind was trying to process things in only a way Adora could process things, her ears were trying to tune into the noise coming from below her. Anything to distract her.

'Maybe if I stood up- Did something productive?' she thought trying to push her body up, the paper still tightly tucked in her clenched hands.

The moment she applied a bit of weight to her legs, instant regret filled her sap like bones as she collapsed back to the ground, side of her head hitting against the metal door she forgot to close

Klutz

There was some calling from below- again, but the way her mind was racing faster than Mara's ship' processing core- it all just sounded like a bunch of white noise as the space surrounding her started to swirl. Normally she'd transform into the 8 foot tall space lady that was everyone's favorite

After all, how could someone who was supposed to save the world- someone who did save the world a mistake? She-Ra's power, life, her whole existence was planned- was anticipated- was appreciated.
Adora just happened to be the holding body for her- but if she wasn't thrown into Etheria by the parent's that abandoned her there would be another She-Ra. Maybe the rebellion would have peacefully found the sword, and Glimmer would fulfill the warrior's body. And Shadow Weaver would be overpowered sooner, with Glimmer and Queen Angelia riling the princesses together to take down Horde Prime and his lackeys. Catra would never have gone through what she had to because without Adora how could Shadow Weaver pick a perfect solider?

Their old 'teacher' made it very clear that she had no interest in Lonnie, Rogelio or Kyle so Catra would be the first pick- her coddled yet highly anxious subordinate
The thought almost made Adora hurl- she could barely cope with Shadow Weavers antics towards her, and she's 100% sure Catra wouldn't be able to either. But then again she wouldn't hold the need to save everyone while single-handedly ruining everything around her. She didn't carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, though no-body ever told her too. Catra didn't live with the crippling fear that everyday would be a battle, that every time she stepped out of her bed the world around her would collapse and the people around her would slowly die if she wasn't there to help them even though she knew full well that they could cope without her.

Catra wasn't this dramatic.

Thinking about how everything could play out without, seeing the images of happiness and joy surrounding the people she loved- made it clearer for Adora to see how easy it would be to erase her from the world she lived. Since the end of the war she never thought that she was 'living' more that she was simply existing in a world that would most definitely thrive without her. People who would be happier without her.
Glimmer would have her full family, Catra wouldn't be so afraid to trust and love others, Scorpia would be able to be friends with Catra without the fear of having her blow up in her face because of something she 'caused'

The acceptance was easier then ever before. There was no white noise, no blurred images, no anything.

Chapter Text

When Adora opened her eyes, the world was upside down, and she was 99% sure she was inside her bedroom in Brightmoon. That was further clarified when she heard the gentle rumbling of Catra's purring.

But she couldn't find comfort in it. Usually, the steady rumbling would send waves throughout her body and up to her mind to remind her that she was finally safe. That the war was finally over.

But this time all it sent was waves of doubt and anxiety

Catra must be tired of doing this? Holding her as she fell apart in her arms with no explanation, no walk-through. But thousands of apologizes.

It happened before. Catra finally told Adora that she was tired of not knowing what the problem but having to scoop up Adora's teary pieces. How it hurt her more not knowing that being that problem itself. Adora told her at the time she'd try- and that Catra was never the problem.
She never had the heart to fully explain that the problem was her entire existence. After all how can you explain to someone that you think your life is a joke- that it's worthless?

All that'd do is worry her (if she ever was truly worried, and not just annoyed that she was left to care for the mentally unstable 'hero' when she could be worrying about her own problems) and the last thing she wanted to do was annoy anyone- or be more of a hindrance then usual.

"Adora? You okay? You were knocked the fuck out" Catra asked eyes showing signs of something she couldn't quite figure out

Adora sat up straight as she glared down at the floor

acceptance was easy, but knowing Catra hated her was not

"Thanks for getting me. I'm going out for a bit" The blonde uttered as she stood, legs giving way as Melog caught her, nuzzling her onto the bed

Adora gently tapped Melog's head, not wanting to touch Catra's animal too much. 
The thought that she was intruding on Catra, even when the feline hated her so much was sickening. 

"What's wrong? You find something at hom-Fright Zone?"

Adora scoffed as she finally understood what she saw in Catra's eyes

Guilt
"Oh please, you know damn well what I found Catra"
Adora hated it. The way she knew that Catra's eyes were staring at the ground, the way her tail was silently thrashing around her body, the way her hand was unconsciously reaching for the back of her neck.

"Adora I-"

"Don't bother explain, I get it. Shadow Weaver was one to reuse the same old tricks. I just wished you hadn't lied to me. I wouldn't have been mad if you had told me. I would've understood and we could've moved past it. But instead you let me believe that all those years I spent doing everything I could to hold up these stupid fucking responsibilities, while wanting you to be with me every single time I moved, that all time you spent wanting the same thing."

Adora didn't know when she had stood, or when she had started crying, or yelling but it wasn't hard to figure out when Catra slowly approached her, standing at arms length

where she'd always been

"When we found the book at Shadow Weaver, you promised me that you never once thought that, and I get that Shadow weaver probably was what made you do it- but this?" She said, throwing the sheet of paper towards Catra

"This was fucking the day before you sent Glimmer back- When you cried on the fucking intercom- when you were about to get yourself killed for our benefit!"

"Adora please listen to me-"

"NO. I'm always listening, I'm always letting things slide, I'm always the one fucking up! I get it alright! I'm useless- shadow weaver found that out the hard way, Anglia found that out the hard way, Glimmer found that out the hard way- You found that out the hard way! I don't have some shitty purpose in the world, I was never fucking needed for She-ra. Someone else could've done it! Someone who isn't a waste of skin! Someone whose parent's loved them, whose brain is fucking in overdrive every second of the day, who gets what they want, everything always plays out for them, no one uses them, no one babysits them when they go on a fucking tangent like a 3 month old baby- no one-"

"Adora please!" Catra shouted, suddenly very close to the blue eyed girl
Catra slowly lifted her hands, making it very clear that she was going to put them on Adora's face, but even with the clear warning Adora still flinched gently as she felt herself break in broken sobs

"Please listen to me. That paper you found was written ages ago. When you first left. I was so upset and mad at you after our first fight, but I knew it wouldn't last. So i scribbled a date on there and threw them to the back of the closet."

Adora hated how broken her voice sounded when she asked why

"Because-I wanted that to be the date we stopped fighting. Whether that ended in me dead or us on the same side. You meant everything to me 'Dor, and you still do"

That's when Adora felt it. 
The aching sensation in her chest- like her heart was suddenly hollow.
The fire that quickly dulled in her throat.
The way everything seemed to dim in color. 

She finally knew what was behind the overwhelming emotions she'd been feeling.
Understood them.

Sure, Catra writing all over 60 plus papers that Adora was nothing less of a mistake didn't help either, but she knew now the common factor

She didn't feel loved. And she didn't feel loved because she wasn't loved. 

Her Parent's never loved her. 
Anglia seemed to love her - or at least like her. But then she died. 
Shadow Weaver never loved her, she just loved what she could do for her. And in the end, her twisted way of loving Adora killed her too. 
Glimmer and Bow loved her- but they had no choice. And the both of them had almost died at some point because of Adora
And Catra? Catra must have loved her, because now she was spiraling because of Adora. All of her pain comes from Adora.

Yet everyone around her seemed to be getting it just fine.

Bow and Glimmer

Scorpia and Perfuma

Micah and Castaspella

Catra and Melog

Everyone had someone- just not Adora.

"So why don't you love me?" Adora cried, head hanging low in shame as she bit back her sobs- her lip eventually bleeding as the sentence hung in the air.

Catra understood it. Everything seemed so clear for the feline. All the pain Adora felt made sense. All the ways Adora would put herself out more then usual for her little gang of princess, the way she never gave up on Catra. It all fell into place

"I do Adora." Catra said quietly, tail bushy as she looked away
If you love me then why won't  we talk about us.Every-time I bring it up you leave." Adora whispered, still crying

Using her free hand, Catra slowly raised Adora's face to her own, having to slightly looking up at the girl

"I always have. Since we first met. You listed so many crap names, and every-time I rejected one the small little pout on your lips pulled at my heart Adora. I've loved you forever and a day- that's why I was the way I was when we fought. I felt betrayed, the one person I truly loved, loved other people. But it never stopped me from loving you 'Dora. You are so amazing, and beautiful. So goofy, so fucking brave, too strong for you own good." Catra chuckled wetly, resting her head on Adora's

"I could never bring myself to talk about it, because what if you realized I was a screw up? That I'll always do something to hurt you even though I don't mean too? It was petrifying even thinking about it, so I'd leave before you got the chance to say it."

"I'd never- because you've never been a screw up in my eyes Catra. You've only ever been perfect to me"

Adora slowly stepped into Catra's arm-span

"If I knew I was hurting you so much Adora I would've told you the second we stood on the grass. I would've told you the minute we'd finished wiping the dust off our clothes"

"there's not a single person in this entire world that doesn't love you Adora. She-Ra was never your entire persona. People hold signs up that thank you Adora, not She-Ra. They talk about you as Adora,not as She-Ra. And I promise you, that Anglia is constantly looking down on you, protecting you. Your pain isn't dramatic. It's fucking normal, and if you'd let me, I want to help cure it. The way you cure mine."

The way Catra's eyes sparkled, the way the tears on her cheek reached her chin, the slowness of her breathing- everything about her, is what led Adora onto her lips, kissing her with such gentleness as tears rolled down the taller girls cheeks.

She could feel it. Not all of it. But at least the love Catra held for her. The immense, suffocating, but not suffocating in the sense of, everything seems to be a trigger. But in the way that she could drown in it, and love every second of it.

"I love you Catra" She muttered, the rising feeling slowly fading away as Catra started to purr softly.

"I love you too dummy."

It still hurt, the pain still burned at her throat, but it burned just a little less now she knew Catra loved her. Adora understood that it'd be a long journey to self healing. And that at some point she may even have to find the parent's that long estranged her- but until then she had something to drown in. 

Someone to drown in.

Chapter Text

Catra hated them.

The way they all spoke to Adora so casually.

the way she couldn't do the same

The way not a single person in the room was upset or weary of the Ex Horde Lord.

including her

She hated them all.

Especially Adora

because if she told herself that enough it would happen

Adora.

Adora fucking Grayskull.

The woman who had a stone hold grip over Catra's heart.No more than anything did she want Adora, but it seemed She'Ra was also a conscious thought in Catra's head, because more than anything she wanted to not trust the blonde. It wasn't hard. Adora took away the only person she could truly call 'Mom'

Adora opened the stupid fucking portal.

Adora sent Entrapta to beast island.

Adora killed Anglia.

Yet everyone simply nodded their head and flicked the incident's behind them when Adora revealed her deteriorating mental health.

That Shadow Weaver's punishments had impacted her brain development, leaving her open and useful for Horde Prime's manipulation tactics.

Catra didn't want to believe her one bit. Adora was know for her notorious charming skills.

Known to be deceitful, a liar.

So when they all woke up one morning, a battle tactic map striped from the board in the War Room, and a missing Horde Lord, Catra knew what she had to do.

Even if it broke her heart.

Adora was lost. She'd taken the nearest map should could find to try and find somewhere safe to stay

She couldn't stay there. Talking to people who were once the enemy. Not being able to talk to Catra. Seeing the feline hard glare on her whenever she was or wasn't looking.

So she packed what little stuff she had, took the nearest map and hopped on Melog as they left the palace halls with no suspicion. She knew that Catra would be glad. All she'd done is ruin her chances of being with a normal family. And now she was paying the price. Wandering the forests alone on the outskirts of Salineas. She was better alone. Always.

Melog growled deeply turning around while flashing a dark red color,turning Adora too. Pulling out her weapon, Adora hopped off Melog "Show yourself" She called out

"Hey Adora~"

Adora couldn't understand what was happening, didn't understand what was happening.

She spat the remnants of the blood left in her mouth onto the grass as Catra stood over her, eyes void of any emotion as blood splatted across her face

The feline had broken her leg, made a searing gash going from the middle of her torso down to the top of her waist. Broken her nose, busted both her lips and gash on what felt like her direct iris.

It was getting harder to move, and Catra knew it "W-wh?" Adora tried to ask, collapsing to the ground as her eyes struggled to open Catra bent down, heterochromic eyes drilling into her own "I love you Adora. But I can't let you ruin the world. I won't let you." She whispered, tears welling The rebellion warrior placed a gentle kiss on Adora's forehead before getting up and disappearing into the darkness Adora tried. She tried to move, but each movement resulted in a muffled cry, more blood and less consciousness.

She didn't understand what Catra meant. Adora wasn't trying to destroy the world. Not anymore. Not since they'd saved her from her own misdoings

So why?

Adora  weakly tried to call out for her companion, who had since been roughly kicked to the side after trying to come to Adora defense. But it was like Catra was running on blood lust and nothing more.

"m-mel-melog?" She whispered as loud as she possibly could.

She could feel the life draining out of her, and her pounding head didn't make trying to communicate with her feline alien any better.

Taking a slow deep breath she tried to stand, her one open eye beginning to spin her surroundings as she managed to get on one knee before collapsing into silence.

Chapter Text

When Adora woke up everything was blue. 

Which confused her because wasn't Hell supposed to be dark and red?

you are not dead Adora- despite how she left you

"M-Melog?" Adora cried out softly, unaware of the two others in the room

*Do not stress yourself Adora, Mermista has given you solitude in a secret part of her home in Salineas and Queen Glimmer has also offered her services to help you heal.*

It took a while for Adora to breathe out, her throat was dry and scratchy and chest felt as though someone was sitting on it. 
She could tell her limbs weren't broken but they still felt broken and maybe warped into a disgusting shape

"C-catra?"

*You suffered severe wounds. Broken bones in many places as well as deep abrasions to both your body and face. Catra has yet to be found*

Catra was no where to be found?

Shooting upright wasn't the smartest idea but smarts were never the ex-Horde lords strength

Dots of light flashed across her eyes as she slowly took in her surroundings. A gentle hand rested on Adora's back and it took every fiber in her body not to spin around and break it as she remembered Melog mentioning that they were not alone

"Take it easy Adora, your still really banged up"

"We need- I need to find Catra. Someone must've gotten her under a-a spell or something" She muttered, slowly throwing her legs off the side of the bed, though the ground seemed to be moving

"It's the decor. Floors actually really stable" Mermista chimed in, sensing the blonde's apprehension

Nodding slightly Adora stepped off the bed, grimacing at the pain but standing none the less

Purple, glittery hair flashed in front of her as Glimmer grabbed her arms
"Look, I know you think Catra is mind controlled, but she's not. Entrapta sent us her readings. She did this to you Adora. Willingly. So please, just lay down for a little longer so we can make sure your good to come back to Brightmoon"

Adora?

How stupid was she? How could she not see it coming? Of course Catra wouldn't keep that fucking little pinkie promise not to wage war upon her. Of course she wouldn't keep a promise. All Catra did was break her promises to Adora.
Why? Because Adora to Catra was replaceable. 

And Adora fucking knew it
Trying not to hurt the person in front of her, Adora gently moved Glimmer to the side
"I need a mirror- Melog can you take me to a restroom?"

The alien cat obliged as Adora sat on it's back, silently riding to the restroom.

--
Patchwork. 
Catra had made Adora's body- her perfect fucking body into patchwork. 
Sure Glimmer and whatever doctors had done quite well stitching the parts of Adora that must have been hanging off, the parts of her that she had spent years perfecting.

Because if Adora was unserviceable at least her body was in the best state it could possibly be in for Shadow Weaver and Hordak. 

Let me help

"Grab a bag, water and a snack. We're leaving."

Melog silently headed away as Adora carefully pried off the window bars, opening it wide enough for both her and Melog to fit through.

Catra wanted her dead and gone? 

Dead and motherfucking gone she was. 

Chapter Text

Catra stepped back and swung her sword as hard as she could- the raging sounds of battle filling her mind as she destroyed the last of the robots in front of her.

It felt as if she'd be at this for months-as if she had been in the fright zone for all her life and never left

But she did leave- she left them all

Shaking the rouge thought out of her mind she turnt to Glimmer and Bow, who were also covered in sweat, oil and blood.

"Where is he?" Catra spoke, hearing the faint pants in her voice

She was exhausted

"In the middle of the battle front- Mermista and Seahawk are on the south exit- Scorpia and Perfuma are on the west exit and Frosta and Dad on the east." Bow said as he pointed them out via heat signals on his tablet

Catra nodded

"And the rest?"

"Scattered around the entire area- look, I get you feel the need to punish yourself after what happened Catra, but you need a break" Glimmer spoke softly, stepping closer to the feline

Catra swallowed and shook her head

she didn't need sleep- she could'nt sleep. How could she knowing that Adora was out there somewhere with the injures Catra gave her, no doubt plotting her inevitable revenge.

"Im fine sparkles- sure the robots were a little taxing but nothing I can't handle"

Bow and Glimmer looked between each other before nodding.

"Okay- remeber the play by play- go out there, confront him and end things as quickly as possible- he got into Ado-he got into everyone else's mind easy, so it won't be a challenege for him to get into yours" Bow spoke, rubbing the sore spot on his arm from where Glimmer had slapped him due to his slip up.

Everyone knew not to mention Adora- it would send Catra into a spiral that eventually would lead to her standing in her quarters with her sword unscathed just incase the blonde came for her in the night.

It had been aproximently 3 months since they had seen Adora- and Catra was not looking forward to the day she finally did.

"I'll be safe. Promise" Catra said, fighting the bile rising in her stomach when she uttered the word 'promise'

she'd never been so bad at keeping them.

---

Horde Prime stood, excatly where Glimmer and Bow had told her he was- right in the middle of the battle front- waiting for her no doubt

She watched as he pale green eyes followed her movements, how his lip curled sightly as she approched and stood about two sword lengths from him

"so you came little sister. It's such a shame that Adora cannot be here is it not?" he spoke with a tone that made Catra's skin crawl

"I can finish you just fine. " Catra hissed, standing shoulder width as she prepared herself

"Oh I'm sure you will try- but you see, Adora was the only reason you live as long as you are now- She was so infatuted with you that she neglegted her duty, and in doing so she also made sure that I too could see where your every loaction was. Of couse she may not have known at the time, but that isn't too important now is it? She spoke highly of you in her writing, and in the end it drove her mad. I was able to utilise She-ra, and Adora's raw power for my own greater good, while you princesess sat and hoped she would never find you." He chuckled, each and every word piercing Catra's stomach

She knew she fucked up- she was just hoping she never got to see the effects of her fuck up

"But tell me little one, where is Adora today?" he asked rhetorically as his arms opened wide

Catra begun to raise her sword but stopped just as a deep, familiar voice rung out

"Oh she never left"

Crimson liquid fed the battle front floor as a dark red sword penetrated through Horde Prime stomach. His eyes wide as he faced Catra with nothing but fear in his face as the weapon ran through his tall, slender frame, leaving two limp halves to saturate the battlefield floor with blood.

Terror was all Catra could feel. An undescribleable amount of bile inducing terrror - the way Adora's eyes never seemed to stop looking at her, the red tint behind them -the way Melog stood menacingly, in a form Catra had never seen before, tall and dark red with streaks of silver weaving through the magical creatures mane.

Adora wasn't She-ra- or at least she hadn't transformed into her yet. So the idea that her anger, her menacingly black energy was directed at the feline was enough to make tears of perpetual fear seep out of her eyes

"Oh poor Cat- don't cry." Adora cooed stepping on Horde Primes remains and towards Catra

"You see, nothing is going to save you. No-one is going to save you. Your tears won't work on me now kitty cat." She threatened, lifting her sword point directly in Catra's face, leaving a millimeter gap between the two.

"I should've known you were gonna fuck me over- you've always been so shit at keeping your promises. And honestly, I wasn't expecting you to do this- to ruin everything I worked hard for, because I thought you knew- I thought you understood. That everything I worked for, everything I sacrified! Was worth more to me then anything in this world!"

The tears in Catra's eyes had run down her face as she shook in fear. Adora had spat out only half of the anger she was feeling and Catra could tell

She slowly reached for the small button Bow had given her if things went wrong, it would help get Glimmer and Bow to her as soon as glitterly possible- but she forgot that her hands shook with such tremors that instead of her pressing the small pink button, it simply fell out of her pocket, right for Adora to see.

Adora looked down at the button and growled

"You spent your entire LIFE with me. You GREW UP with me. You told me you LOVED ME only to run off with some fucking duo the second you thought you found something out? EVERYONE knew the frightzone was hell- EVERYONE knew the Horde was evil, yet somehow YOU WERE THE ONLY FUCKING ONE  to run away with the enemy when you had a small epifany? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO RULE TOGETHER CATRA!" Adora yelled, dark tears gathering in her misty blue eyes

"And even now all you can do is think of them. " Adora stepped on the button, pressing it as she lowered her sword slowly

"But I already told you Catra-"

She stepped forward as she lowly spoke, her voice dripping with venomous betrayal as Catra screamed out in agony as the blade seared through the skin and flesh on her thigh, the fire from Adora's soul leaving the weapon just as scorching hot as if it was a physical embodiment of her pure fury. Mystic eyes glowered down on her as a haunted grin filled her vision,

"No-one is gonna save you"