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“Toni, what about you? Cats or dogs?” Fatin asks as she peers over her laptop. They’re all in Fatin’s new apartment; all being Fatin herself, Toni, her girlfriend Shelby, Fatin’s girlfriend Leah, Toni’s basketball teammate and college best friend Rachel, Rachel’s twin sister Nora, Fatin’s ride-or-die ex-roommate Dot, and Toni’s best-best friend Martha. A veritable full house.
They’re all in their Senior Year at South Carolina, having found themselves through various circumstances making a very companionable and inseparable group of 8, and are having a pretty typical evening hanging out and shooting the shit. This particular topic of conversation has come about due to Fatin’s landlord being cool with pets, so she’s currently debating the pros and cons of getting a ragdoll kitten over a dachshund or vice versa.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Toni says, settling back against the couch from her spot on the floor. Shelby instantly reaches down from her spot above and strokes her hair absent-mindedly in the way Toni loves. “Cats maybe? Marty had a ton of Sheltie dogs growing up, though. They were cool.”
“Huh, interesting,” Fatin says, raising an eyebrow. “Why cats?”
“They’re just chiller,” Toni shrugs. “Just a little guy who kicks it in your house? I feel like dogs are always up on you all the time. I don’t need that kind of intense energy in my life, you know?”
Fatin blinks at her, and it takes Toni a second to register that 6 pairs of her friends' eyes have suddenly gravitated toward her, all throwing various looks of disbelief. “What?” Toni asks, straightening up a little self-consciously. “I like dogs, I just don’t necessarily want one.”
“Toni, be so fucking real right now,” Fatin deadpans, casting a significant look from Toni, to Shelby, and then back again. “You’re dating a fucking golden retriever. The other day when we all went to the beach, Shelby frolicked, Toni. She legitimately squealed and skipped her ass across the sand.”
“Well I was just real happy to be there,” Shelby interjects, unfazed, twirling a strand of Toni’s hair around her finger and letting it drop.
“See!” Fatin insists, triumphant. “Shelby is happy to be anywhere. You know who else is? A puppy, Toni. You can’t tell me Miss Texas over here doesn’t bound over to the door whenever you get home.”
Toni pauses to think about it. It’s not not true, but Shelby is just naturally excitable is all. She likes to shower Toni with affection, go everywhere with her, plan fun dates and activities, be sociable and energetic, and just generally act like a… Well. Okay. Maybe Fatin has a little bit of a point.
It had taken her by surprise, truth be told, when they had first gotten together about 2 years ago through Fatin who – sick of their bickering flirtation and Toni’s general reluctance to admit she had a big fat crush on the girl so wildly different from anybody she’d ever considered she’d end up dating – had basically shoved them together during a weekend trip to a spa resort. She’d scheduled them together for every massage, seated them next to each other for every meal, and “accidentally” booked them to share a room. Eventually, Shelby had gotten so sick of Toni’s skulking around and brooding that she’d just sighed frustratedly, taken Toni’s face in both hands and kissed her senseless. They’d been together ever since, and Toni often found herself somewhat marvelling at how she found herself so madly in love with a girl like Shelby. Not that it was difficult.
“You bound to Leah!” Toni insists, a little defensive without knowing really why.
“I don’t bound, I saunter,” Fatin counters with a roll of her eyes before addressing the room. “I’m marking Toni down as a yes to dog.”
****
They’re in the car on the way home after leaving Fatin’s at around 11 pm, following what had ultimately devolved into an impromptu game night with Shelby happily leading them all through Pictionary and charades. Toni’s driving because she always drives, the sounds of Midwest emo playing softly through the speakers. They’ve been living together for about 4 months; their own, smaller, off-campus apartment about a 30-minute drive from Fatin’s.
It’s been going really well — the whole living together thing — and despite Toni’s unspoken nerves about having someone constantly in her space, the whole thing just worked. Shelby bakes her cookies, makes the morning coffee, and separates the laundry which Toni had never bothered with before. In turn, Toni unloads the dishwasher, makes dinner, and always locks up at night so Shelby doesn’t have to walk down the corridor in the dark.
They’ve been driving for all of 3 minutes when Shelby surreptitiously toes off her shoes and raises her knees up to her chest, twisting her body a little to face Toni as she snuggles herself back as much as she can in the passenger side. Toni huffs out a laugh and reaches over to squeeze her knee.
“Nuh uh baby, don’t fall asleep,” Toni says, glancing over affectionately. “We won’t be long, if you fall asleep now you’ll be cranky that you have to wake up and do your bedtime routine.”
Shelby blinks at her slowly just as they drive under a streetlight, making Shelby’s hair flash golden in the orange. It makes Toni’s heart clench a little, just with the overwhelming love she has for her that still takes her breath away sometimes.
“I don’t get cranky,” Shelby says softly, and she’s so sweet that Toni gives in right away, shrugging gently as she squeezes Shelby’s knee again with accepting finality.
It takes all of 20 seconds for Shelby’s breathing to even out and become deeper, and Toni grins at her girlfriend’s unusual ability to fall asleep absolutely anywhere. Like the time they had been stuck in Charleston Airport all night, for what ended up being over 7 hours after their flight to Minnesota was delayed. Shelby had spent the majority of it lying across 3 hard-backed plastic chairs, her head in Toni’s lap and Toni’s jacket covering her as a makeshift blanket. Unable to sleep herself, Toni had spent the entire time just getting angrier and angrier until their flight was finally called and a refreshed Shelby had stretched like a Disney princess and declared the wait “Not that bad.” Meanwhile, Toni’s jaw had ached with how badly she’d been clenching it, only calming down when Shelby had pressed a kiss to her temple and murmured in her ear, “Thanks for bein’ my pillow. Did you get some rest, too?” Toni had breathed out the irritation of the previous uncomfortable hours and nodded with a gentle smile, figuring one little white lie couldn’t really hurt and, besides, she really did feel better once she had Shelby pressed against her side, all excited to see Toni’s hometown.
Toni turns down the music and switches her playlist – keeping one eye on the road – to the chill lo-fi mix she throws on when she’s studying, before raising the heat in the car a couple of degrees. She knows that she’s only really serving to send Shelby even deeper into sleep but Toni can’t stand the thought of her being even slightly uncomfortable, even for a second, so Shelby being a little cranky later (and she will be) seems worth it. As she drives, she keeps casting little glances at her, all crumpled up in the passenger seat; taking in the way her eyebrows sometimes furrow a little in the middle like she’s dreaming, and how she makes little sighs in her sleep.
Shelby had made Toni feel kind of anxious when they’d first started dating. She’d catch herself looking for Shelby from across a room, being dragged by the hand around some party, or convinced to ride the tilt-a-whirl at a janky-looking fair despite knowing it would make her feel nauseous, and feel as though any minute Shelby would wake up and realize there was no way Toni could be what she really wanted.
There was just so much to Shelby that Toni sometimes felt like she couldn’t keep up. So much life in her that Toni figured that eventually her own natural reservedness and independence would surely make Shelby run for the hills but, to her surprise, it hadn’t happened. Even during the rare times Toni would retreat a little; like after a fight, or when the world, in general, would get a little too much for her, Shelby would simply hover in the periphery. Loyal, and gentle, and undemanding, until Toni felt it was safe to come out again to let herself be held and comforted.
She pulls into the below-ground lot of their apartment building and into their spot, sensing Shelby stir a little under the suddenly harsh, fluorescent lights. Toni cuts the engine and brings Shelby’s hand up to her mouth, kissing her knuckles. “We’re home baby,” Toni mumbles, watching Shelby frown and stretch in the seat and Toni lets go of her hand in favor of unbuckling both of their seatbelts.
Shelby blinks her eyes open and rubs them with the backs of her hands, somewhat unhappily but undeniably adorable all the same. “S’too bright in here,” she mumbles, as though Toni can do anything about it. “They should rethink their overhead lightin’ and make it a little easier on the eyes.”
Toni gives a laugh, letting herself out of the car and moving around to open Shelby’s door for her. “You really think that’s a good idea? Putting mood lighting in an underground parking lot? You’d be too scared to come down here without me.”
Shelby shakes her head grumpily and lets Toni take her gently by the hand and guide her slowly out of the car as she sighs and half-throws herself against Toni’s body dramatically as though she’s too exhausted to stand, although Toni knows what she’s really doing. She pulls back to look at Shelby’s face to find her peeking out from under her eyelashes and Toni can’t help but huff out a laugh and give an affectionate roll of her eyes as she turns her back to Shelby and crouches down a little, letting Shelby drape herself over her body and wrap her arms around Toni’s neck. Toni pulls her by the back of the thighs and straightens up, lifting her into a piggyback.
“Come on sleepy,” Toni says as Shelby drapes her weight over her. “Let’s get you to bed.”
Shelby koala-clings on all the way up to their apartment and lets Toni carry her all the way in until she’s safely deposited in their bedroom. By the time they’ve made it inside, Shelby is more awake and less of a grouch, giggling lightly into the shell of Toni’s ear as Toni backs up until her knees hit the bed and she can drop Shelby safely down. She turns, instantly reaching out a hand to thread through Shelby’s hair, scratching her scalp lightly and smiling at the sight of Shelby leaning into the contact.
“You have a good day?” Toni asks, earning herself a serious nod.
“I always have a good day,” Shelby smiles up at her.
“Nobody always has a good day,” Toni counters, but it’s kind and teasing.
“I always have a good day with you,” Shelby amends, insistent.
Toni pauses, suddenly realizing that Shelby is right in the way Shelby is right about a lot of things Toni is sometimes a little too cynical to really appreciate to be true.
“I always have a good day with you, too,” Toni says softly, meaning it, as she leans down to kiss her. “Get changed, I’ll go lock up.”
“Mhmm,” Shelby agrees happily, chasing another kiss. “Don’t be long, okay?”
Toni promises and walks through their humble, cozy apartment, getting things ready for the morning the way she knows Shelby likes. She refolds the hand-quilted blankets on the couch and straightens the (many) pillows, unloads the dishwasher, double checks the front door and windows are locked, and turns off all the lights. By the time she’s back in the bedroom, Shelby is makeup free and gorgeous; snuggled under the comforter in an oversized t-shirt and – Toni assumes – her own boxers. The bedside light is on, dimmed to its lowest setting, and in the glow, Shelby seems to emit sunshine from her very being, and even after 2 years Toni still feels crazy at the way this girl can knock her out and make her heart pound just by doing nothing. She waits in the doorway for a spell, just watching, until Shelby gives her a curious look.
“What’s wrong?” Shelby asks, cocking her head to the side before narrowing her eyes playfully. “Are you lookin’ at my pimple sticker?”
Toni laughs. Truth be told she hadn’t even noticed but, sure enough, there is a tiny yellow star on Shelby’s chin covering a spot Toni hadn’t realized she’d even had. She shakes her head adamantly. “No, I hadn’t even seen it,” she says sincerely. “I just love you.”
Shelby beams from the inside out and Toni feels her breath constrict with how completely she feels herself warm over at the affection she feels. “I love you, too,” Shelby says like it’s the simplest, most obvious thing in the world. “Come to bed, I’m cold.”
“You liar,” Toni says fondly as she pulls off her pants and socks, quickly changing her top for a sleep shirt she’d stuffed under her pillow. “You’re always messing around with the thermostat and turning it up, you just like putting your feet on me.”
Shelby hums in innocent agreement as Toni slips in beside her and takes her in her arms right away, cuddling her close. Sure enough, Shelby’s bare feet instantly find Toni’s calves, rubbing there softly like a cricket. They lay there together for a moment in easy silence, and Toni can just about feel herself start to drift away into sleep when the comforting motion of Shelby’s feet on her bare legs stops and she lets out a gentle, “Oh-”
“Shelby, no.”
“I didn’t mean to!” Shelby whines softly.
“Why do you always wait until I’m about to fall asleep?”
“It was an accident!” Shelby insists, nuzzling her nose against Toni’s body and prodding her there. “I’d just woken up! I was delirious! I thought you knew I didn’t have it!”
“I’m comfy,” Toni insists. It’s weak and she already knows she’s going to lose, but she tries anyway with faux annoyance. “You’re on your own with this one.”
There’s silence for a second, Shelby not bothering with a rebuttal or even a plea, and it takes all of 45 seconds for Toni to huff dramatically and throw herself back out of bed to stomp her way back into the kitchen where she finds Shelby’s hydro flask and fills it with fresh water. When she makes it back into the bedroom, Shelby has snuggled down directly in the middle of the bed and Toni can’t help but notice the glint in her eyes as she places the flask on Shelby’s bedside table.
“That’s it, now,” Toni says, trying to sound stern but failing miserably. “Don’t ask me for anything else, I’m so fucking serious.”
She gets back into bed and throws her head back onto the pillows, her arm opening up for Shelby to snuggle into on instinct and the second she does, Shelby wastes no time in skating a hand under Toni’s shirt suggestively as she plays a little with the waistband of Toni’s underwear.
“Nothing else?” Shelby breathes out, causing Toni’s heart to jump to her throat.
“I thought you were tired,” Toni says, already feeling herself waking up. “Delirious, you said.”
“Well,” Shelby drawls, thumb stroking, “This is why you should always let me take a power nap on the way home…”
****
Toni wakes to the clink of a mug as it’s placed on her bedside table and the sound of gentle humming as Shelby busies herself opening up the blinds of their bedroom. Her eyebrows furrow as sunlight streams in behind her eyelids and she can’t help but think it should be annoying but the smell of the coffee Shelby has made her is already clouding her senses, like it does every morning, and Shelby’s soft melodic humming sounds so pretty and so carefree, like it does every morning, and Toni feels so fucking lucky and happy and content, like she does every morning, that she can’t even be mad at the early hour.
She keeps her eyes closed regardless, making sure to affix her expression to one of interrupted grumpiness because it always makes Shelby laugh. This morning is no exception, and it’s with a giggle that Shelby presses a kiss to her forehead.
“Good mornin’ grouch,” Shelby says affectionately. “Drink your coffee, we have a big day.”
Toni blinks her eyes open, squinting as she moves a hand blindly to her bedside table for the mug. “What? Why? What do you have planned?”
“It’s Saturday!” Shelby says, as though Toni is being silly for the sake of it. “We’re gonna go on a hike, then it’s a Trader Joe’s run, then I promised my friend Courtney we’d see her slam poetry evening, and then we get to meet Fatin’s adorable new addition!”
Toni grumbles a little as she sits up, slightly daunted at the sudden itinerary she hadn’t known she’d been set, but already finding herself – alarmingly so – looking forward to a day of being around Shelby in all her fun, excitable, sociable glory. The sheer exuberance of her.
“She chose one already?” Toni asks. “The little sausage thing?”
“Oh, no, she went with the kitten,” Shelby corrects.
“Oh, I thought the consensus was the puppy,” Toni shrugs, taking a sip of coffee as she watches her girlfriend, fully dressed already, flitting around the bedroom as she straightens up the bedding Toni is still laying under.
“No, not in the end,” Shelby says, moving over to the side of the bed and cupping Toni’s cheek with her hand, the sun shining through the window behind her and lighting her up like a halo. She leans down to give Toni their first kiss of what promises to be many that day. “I had the deciding vote, it turned out, and I have a real soft spot for cats.”