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You knock three times, so he knows it’s you. After an approval, you open the door.
He is laying down in his bed, phone in hand, probably playing some stupid building game. He is wearing pajamas and his eyes have an exhausted spark in them.
“I thought you were sleepin’ by now”, he says, looking at you for a moment before returning to his phone.
You don’t say anything, you simply close the door and walk to stand beside the bed. He looks at you again, and that’s when you notice he is playing a racing game and that he sucks at driving as much as Ghost does in real life.
“What?”, he asks, just before a loud crash is heard in the game and a wave of flamboyant Scottish curses leave his mouth.
While he is busy trying to get control of his virtual car you sit down on the edge of the bed.
“Wait, what ya doin’? I just lost at this game ‘cause of ya”.
“You lost because you don’t know how to drive, now scoot over”.
He stops his game to stare at you.
There is a certain offense in his features but also a certain amusement, like he is trying to understand if you are being serious or not.
He doesn’t move until you push him gently to the side.
“Alrigh’ alrigh’ I’m movin’. Steamin’ Jesus, I don’t even own ma own bed”, he complains while he finally moves to make your space.
Once there is a decent amount of space in the bed, you fix a pillow to use and get under his covers. He returns to his game for a second, but when he feels you laying down, he pauses again to look at you.
“Ya comfy?”, he is being sarcastic, and it clearly doesn’t get the reaction he wanted.
He gives up a few moments later and returns to his game, where he stays a few more minutes.
Meanwhile, you look at the ceiling like it had all the answers you have been looking for.
Answers you know you’ll never find.
He eventually stops playing, puts his phone to charge on his bedside table, and then gets out of bed to turn the lights off. He gets back, fixes his pillows, complains about not having enough when you only took one and he has three, and then lays down under the covers beside you.
The room falls silent again, but thanks to the dark it feels different.
Somehow, it feels tense, and…you know he is awake, wandering over something you already have told him.
You sigh, kind of annoyed anyway.
“I know you’re awake, Soap”.
“Sorry, mate”, he answers, and you almost roll your eyes, asking yourself if he ever shared a bed with one of his "mates" before.
He knows as good as you that mate is not a word fitting for you, but well, you shouldn’t be thinking of that right now.
Soap and you aren’t something. If anything, you are nothing.
Sharing his bed like a marriage gone wrong doesn’t mean anything at all.
“Did you have nightmares?”
“Why do you ask if you know?”
“Why are ya so rude?”
You sigh, annoyed, rolling over to give him your back.
“Aw, yes, give ma yar back, that’ll solve all our shite”, he says sarcastically, his accent obviously slipping whenever he was feeling something too strong.
He was predictable and annoying as Golden Retrievers.
“Soap”.
“Don’t Soap ma”.
“Johnny”.
“Oh no, only Ghost can get away with that”.
“John, you prefer that one?”
He stays quiet and you know that is because people don’t usually call him that. Only his mother could get away with John and only Ghost could get away with Johhny.
End of discussion.
Alas that didn't get away the fact that he was surprised at hearing his actual name.
“I was having nightmares, yes”.
Silence again.
But this time there is something else in it.
“Again?”
“I always have them”.
“I thought you were doing better”.
“Not if I don’t drink the pills. I don’t like them, you know? They make me feel terrible in the morning, Price is always scolding me because of it”.
“Is not your fault”.
“I asked the doctor for a less strong dosage, but he said that was the minimum”.
“So, you’re fucked?”
“So, you’re my only way to sleep”.
And you know that it takes him aback for a second or that maybe it sounded like a confession, but if you’re honest you don’t consider it like that.
Is not the first time you share a bed, is not the first time you come to him because you want to sleep and you can’t do it on your own.
He shouldn’t be surprised and yet he is…somehow.
“Let me see if I get thi’ straight”, he starts, and you sigh, kind of amused, “ya aren’t taking yar sleeping pills because they make ya feel like shite and because Price scolds ya".
You hum in approval.
"But why are ya here?”
“I can only sleep when I’m with you”.
There is a whole minute of silence after that.
You almost chuckle.
“How the fuck ’m supposed to react to that?”
“Is just sleep, John”.
“Why ya say it as ya can only get a good night’s sleep when ya share a bed with me?”
“Because that’s what is happening”, you hear and feel him look at you through the dark, so you do the same.
You turn and somehow you find his eyes.
“I don’t know why, but is the truth. I can only sleep without nightmares when I’m close to you. You shouldn’t be surprised”.
“What ya mean by that?”
You roll your eyes.
“John”.
“And why ya say ma name like that, goddammit?”
You finally let yourself chuckle, and he scoffs a second before he starts mumbling curses in Scottish again.
“John”, you call again, and he stops. He sighs instead.
“Wha’?”
“Is not the first time we do this”.
“And?”
“Stop making a fuss and let’s sleep”, and yet you don’t move, waiting for his approval. Waiting for him to move first.
He stays in silence for a few seconds, you actually think he has fallen asleep or something until he moves his arm to pull you to him.
“C’mere, before I regret it”.
You comply, crashing your face softly with his shoulder, a wave of his smell hitting you square in the face.
You had the vague theory that the only reason why you could sleep beside Soap without nightmares was that he gave you a certain sense of safety that no other person could.
And because he smelled pretty well for being a brute soldier.
Once there are just inches between the two of you and he is comfortably breathing in your hair, you close your eyes.
“Good night, Muffin’”, you roll your eyes, and you know he is smirking pleased with himself.
You pretend you are not smiling too.