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Hesh slowly wakes up when he hears footsteps out of his room. As quickly as he hears them, they’re gone. Hesh looks to his right to see the time. 3:25 stares back at him as he rubs his eyes. He looks down beside his bed to see that Riley’s still asleep. He debates getting up or going back to sleep.
After a few minutes of lying down, Hesh finally decided to get up. He tried to move silently, not to wake up Riley. But whenever he opened the door, Riley woke up anyways. Hesh sighed before quietly saying.
“Come on, Riley.” As he opened the door wider. Riley wagged his tail and got up. Hesh began to walk to the kitchen with Riley on his heels; when he remembered. ‘Who woke me up this morning?’ He wonders, stopping for a second. He shook his head before continuing to the kitchen. ‘I’ll figure it out soon enough.’ He guesses as he walks into the kitchen.
When he enters the kitchen, he squints his eyes so they can adjust. After blinking a few times, he realizes who woke him up.
“Logan?” He questioned softly. Logan freezes and turns to face him.
‘Did I wake you?’ He signs.
“No,” Hesh says, “I wasn’t sleeping well.” Logan looks at him suspiciously before dropping it.
‘Do you want some Coffee?’ Logan signs, lifting his eyebrows and then tilting his head forward a bit.
“Sure,” Hesh replies before giving Riley some food. Logan gets Hesh a cup and pours him some Coffee. Logan hands him the cup before taking a sip of his own. Hesh drinks a bit of his own before taking in Logan’s state. He looks well- tired, for one. And when Hesh pays attention, he can see the red rim around his eyes. Hesh frowns a bit at that and debates whether he should say something. He knows Logan prefers to go through things himself; however, Logan could need help. He considers this for a while until he notices Logan staring at the wall, eyes glazed over. That’s when he decides to help or at least try to.
“Hey, Logan,” Logan slowly takes his eyes off the wall and looks at him. “Why are you up this early?” Hesh makes sure to pay attention to Logan's reaction this time. And he noticed that while his expression remained blank, he stood a bit tense. Logan stopped looking at him and instead looked at his Coffee. He chugs the rest of it before slowly putting the mug down. After sighing, he begins to sign.
‘I thought about Dad today.’ Hesh eyes widen in surprise, but before he can say anything, Logan stops him by continuing to sign, ‘I am still a bit shaken up by what happened. But I don’t feel much for it anymore. Even though I want to miss him.’ Logan frowns a bit more, and confusion takes the place of his blank expression from earlier. His hands are a little shaky as he signs the whole thing. But he looks like he's trying to figure out what to say rather than being sad or cold.
Hesh frowns a bit at that, confused. It made sense in a way Logan was always ‘good’ with grief. Whenever someone they knew died, Logan would mourn for a day and be fine the next. The only exception was their mom, which he seemed to grieve for a while. But then again, Hesh doesn’t know since he mourned by himself.
But what confused him was that only two weeks had passed. Hesh looked back to Logan, and he noticed he seemed nervous. Logan was tapping his fingers against his hand, which he only does when he’s anxious or wants to get out of a conversation. That’s also when he noticed Logan was waiting for him to say something.
“That’s ok, Logan,” Or at least he hopes it is. “You’ve always been that way with grief. You can’t blame yourself for how you feel.” Or how you don’t, he silently adds in his head. Despite that, Logan frowns more and shakes his head before signing.
‘But that’s just it; it's not just Dad. It’s everything. I just don’t feel as much as you do.’
“What do you mean, Logan?” Hesh says, confused. Logan sighs a bit in exasperation before trying again.
‘I don’t know how to explain it, but I only feel things whenever it's a very intense emotion. Like when Dad died; or Riley got shot. But other than that, I don’t feel. At least not like you do.’ Logan looks slightly angry as he tries to figure out what to say. Some of Hesh’s questions are answered, but more take their place. Hesh then notices Riley’s finished his food, so he pets him before sending him to Logan. He waits until Logan begins to scratch Riley before responding.
“I can’t say I fully understand because I don’t. But I don’t think anything is wrong with you.” Logan looks from Riley to him. Some of the tension bleeds from Logan’s body as he says it. Logan keeps petting Riley but looks at him, so Hesh continues.
“Don’t worry, I won’t send you to get a psyche evaluation.” Hesh gives a light chuckle. “We probably both need one, though. Regardless, you’re my brother. So feelings or not, I’m with you to the end.” Hesh puts his cup down and moves to hug his brother. When he reaches him, Logan hugs him back quickly.
After a minute, he pats Logan’s back before letting go. He notices Logan has a little smile on his face. He smiles back then he hears Riley bark. Logan smiles more at Riley, wanting affection, while Hesh chuckles. “What it is, boy?” Hesh says, and Riley sits there wagging his tail.
Hesh notices Logan move to get Riley something, so he decides to pet Riley. Logan returns with the treat, and Hesh backs up so Logan can give it to Riley. Riley wags his tail more when Logan shows him what it is. After handing it to Riley, Logan, and Hesh get up.
‘I’m going to try to sleep.’ Logan signs before moving to leave. He stops outside the Kitchen and signs one last thing. ‘And thank you, Hesh.’ Hesh smiles before responding.
“It’s no problem, Logan; try to get some sleep. We have a mission tomorrow.” Logan nods before leaving the room. Hesh looks at Riley, wagging his tail happily. He tries not to look at the bandage on him before speaking up.
“Come on, Riley, let’s go to bed,” Hesh says. He begins to walk to his room Riley on his heels. He opens the door, and Riley lies next to the bed. Closing the door, he lies down on the bed. Hesh looks at the time 4:15. ‘50 minutes,’ Hesh thinks as he looks at it. He’s a bit surprised it took that long, but on the other hand, he’s surprised it wasn’t longer. Either way, he slowly drifts to sleep, thinking about what he is doing for the next mission.
—
A month later, Hesh is lying in bed, thinking of the moment. While to others, it wasn’t one of the
most memorable moments, to Hesh, it was. It was a show of trust from Logan. ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶r̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶ ̶c̶a̶p̶t̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶R̶o̶r̶k̶e̶.̶ They have been looking for weeks with no hint of him. He’d only been cleared to go on the last mission. And every day, they don’t find Logan Rorke could be doing who knows what to him.
He looks down next to the bed at Riley. He’d also been getting worried he would whine for Logan whenever they had to leave a mission. Hesh sighs, looking at the time. 3:45. He sighs before trying to go back to sleep. Logan would need him at his best if he wanted to find him. ̶I̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶l̶e̶f̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶u̶n̶d̶.̶
—
Logan suddenly remembers the memory. ‘If only how I feel went the same with pain.’ He thinks a bit bitterly. He’d been doing that lately. The Pit is one of the places Logan has felt the most. Mainly bitterness, anger, the whole care package, if you will. He sighs. Logan thinks he could have explained it better at the time. When the ghosts find him, he’ll explain it to Hesh again.
He has to hold onto that, or he might lose his mind in this Pit. He’s avoided eating whatever they gave him to try and prevent that. He remembers his Dad telling them about the food having poisons in it. He feels a flash of sadness when thinking about it.
‘At least I know I can feel.’ He huffs a dry laugh. He’d questioned it a lot when he was younger. It was kind of relieving to tell Hesh. He can’t lie; he was a little scared Hesh would call him some sort of ‘emotionless’ monster. He was glad when he stuck with him instead. The only problem he has now is that he’s beginning to forget them.
Not Hesh or his dad, not yet, at least. But the ghost team. He can’t remember what Keegan sounded like, What Kick looked like, or how Merrick acted. And it both scares him and doesn’t. The only benefit of how he feels is that most of the time in this Pit, he feels nothing. So instead, he rests his head against the ground. He falls asleep, hoping, ̶p̶r̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ that the ghost team will find him before he can break.