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The first sparkle of a flashback came during Tadashi's first official match, images bursted behind his eyelids - things he didn't remember doing or happening -, he got dizzy all of a sudden and his serve went out of bounds, at the other side of the net he locked eyes with a player, their captain to be exact, and he had the same dumbstruck expression he made a few seconds ago, one of sheer realization. Karasuno lost to Aobajousai and Tadashi felt a pair of eyes on him when he left the court, his face was burning hot when he got into the bus and Kei asked if he was feeling okay.
"Yeah." he replied dryly and his friend dropped the subject.
"You look sick?" Shouyou said from the front seat and Tadashi buried his face into his scarf and looked outside the window, the bus finally started to move and he saw a figure from afar and, for some reason, he could tell it was Oikawa Tooru looking at him - yet, he couldn't remember what he saw during those split of seconds in which his vision became unfocused, it was like waking up from a really good dream that you couldn't recall what it was about in the first place.
The second time it happened, Tadashi was in class, he placed his history textbook in front of himself, hiding his face from the teacher so he couldn't see what he was doing, his notebook was practically empty and he had a pencil in hands, used to doodling at the corner of the pages and forgetting what they were studying - he could always ask Tsukishima for some help later -, the next time he opened his eyes, he had a few scribbles he didn't remember putting there and one thing caught his attention.
It was a drawing and if there was something Tadashi was sure, it was that he was not an artist nor did he think he had the talent for that, but the drawing was good enough for him to recognize it as himself and one Oikawa Tooru, it looked bad, stupid and taken out of a poor shoujo manga the girls - and some boys too, he wasn't one to judge - from his class liked to cry over and he turned red when Kei, who was sat by his side, glanced at him with a worried expression and he had to quickly cover it with his hand, making it look more and more suspicious.
Every time Tadashi was caught in one of those inexplicable situations that always led to Aobajousai's captain, he felt weirded up because he had no idea why that was happening to him, but at the same time, something within himself felt a sense of familiarity and there was a strange warmth inside his chest. He wasn't sure if he should share the facts with Kei - after all he was his best friend, wasn't he?
But Tadashi didn't know how to build up a conversation in which he would manage to bring up the whole topic and talk it out with him, especially with all the practice they had been going through due to the inter high matches nearing - truth to be told, he knew Kei was very rational and understanding but he was still afraid of talking about it and mentioning Tooru and everything else that had been going through his mind these past weeks.
It was about a week after their match with Nekoma that something really out of ordinary and that could even be called bizarre happened, Tadashi fainted at the back of their school, near the gymnasium and to whoever passed by, it looked like he was taking a nap on the grass while practice wasn't going on yet, but he was pretty much passed out.
Shouyou passed by, saw him but decided to leave it as it was, he looked peaceful like that, different from how he was looking since their match with Aobajousai, everyone assumed that he was still mad at himself for missing his serve and not being of any use in the game, Tadashi had been looking tired out and there were not-too-dark eye bags under his pretty eyes - even managing to overshadow some of his freckles - and right after Shouyou, Tobio passed too and shot him a worried glance but since Shouyou didn't show any reaction, he didn't either and both proceeded to enter the gym and warm up for team practice.
While everyone else's lives kept on going, Tadashi remained unconscious on the grass, backpack carelessly thrown on his side and his hair disheveled. He didn't move his body but his nose was scrunched up and his dreams became vivid in his mind, when he woke up, there was the ghost touch and the lingering feeling of Tooru on him, he got up startled and saw stars in his vision, he rubbed his eyes and blinked several times until he could see clearly - he felt that it wasn't as clearly as his dreams.
"Hey," he heard someone referring to him, Tadashi turned his head and saw Koushi and Kei walking his way. "Did something happen? You have leaves on your hair and your uniform is all dirty."
"I just fell," he replied his upperclassman from where he was - the same place as before, except he wasn't lying down anymore. "I'm not feeling that well but it's okay, I can still go to practice regularly."
"Are you sure?" Koushi asked when he saw Tadashi trying to get up, only to stumble back to his previous place. "You look pale, like the color drained from you face and your strength left along with it. I think you should rest for the day."
"Are you sure Daichi-san won't get mad at me?" Tadashi asked nervous, he didn't want to disappoint anyone anymore. "I think I should go as usual."
"Just listen to Suga-san," Kei finally spoke up and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "It'll be better for everyone, we don't need someone who's not feeling well to slow us down during practice, the important matches are getting closer each day and we can't risk that."
"Hey, Tsukishima, don't be so rude to him," Koushi scolded the tall first year but Tadashi smiled, he knew Kei was worried and that was his way of saying it, Tadashi got up slowly, Koushi and Kei looked at him, both cautious and ready to catch him if his body decided to fall down again, he didn't and they - Kei, Koushi and Tadashi - sighed in relief. "Don't worry, I'm vice captain and, if I explain, Daichi will understand if you don't come today."
"I'll take my leave then," he said picking up his things from the ground and shaking it to get the dirt off of it. "See you guys tomorrow."
He waved and started walking towards the front gates, the day was bright and maybe he fainted because of the weather, it wasn't incredibly hot but it wasn't all that good either, the sun was hot after all and, even if it wasn't that much of a surprise, he could use it as an excuse if he added a I also probably ate something spoiled - he never dealt well with heat, actually. He still felt a little dizzy and sometimes it would make his vision spin and his eyes hurt, before reaching the exit, he discovered that if he looked down at his feet, he wouldn't feel as bad as before, so that was what he did.
Except that it narrowed his line of vision to his feet and the sidewalk, it was inevitable that he would bump into someone.
"I'm sorry," he said looking up and a pair of glaring eyes stared at him, Tadashi took a step back and almost tripped on his own foot.
"Look where you're going," the boys said. "You might get hurt."
"Ah I'm really sorry."
"Iwa-chan, are you threatening someone again?" a voice sing songed from behind the boy that Tadashi bumped into and he finally recognized who he was.
"You're from Karasuno," the boy, Iwaizumi Hajime as he remembered from the game, commented as he eyed his uniform and Tadashi nodded with his head hanging low. "Are you okay? And shut up Oikawa, I'm helping someone."
"Oh? You help people, how surprising~" and Tooru, the last person Tadashi would want to meet was right in front of him, peeking from behind Hajime's back and his expression changing from amused to confused and then surprised - meanwhile, Hajime looked like he would pop a vein on his neck. "Hi hi," Tooru finally greeted and Tadashi smiled weakly, lifting his hand to wave and realizing that it was a stupid thing to do because it'd definitely make him pass as a loser to Tooru - not that he cared that much, but he still did a little. "You're Karasuno's bench warmer. That serve from our game would have been a good one if you hadn't missed it, huh."
And then Tadashi didn't know why but he felt hurt, Hajime kicked Tooru on his shin and he was soon groaning but Tadashi quickly excused himself and sniffed a little, rubbing his eyes and running home.
What a fucking nice thing to happen when you're not feeling well and having weird feeling towards something, or rather someone, because of a bunch of dreams.
"Are you feeling ill?" Daichi asked Tadashi after weeks since he had skipped practice and he had been focussing more and more on his jump float serve.
"Ah no, I'm okay," he replied weakly, eyes fixed on the floor, the days after he was made fun of by Tooru passed painfully slow, he kept on thinking about his words and all he could do was train more and more with Shimada-san and hope that he could make Tooru take his words back. "I'm nervous about our match tomorrow."
And sure he was, they would be up against Aobajousai once again and that meant that he would have to face Oikawa Tooru and forcefully have what he said circulating his mind and making him feel sick.
"Okay then, but take care of yourself, you might not feel like it, but you're important for the team." and Daichi left, being called by Shouyou at the other side of the court and Tadashi stared at his hands and sighed.
"We need to talk," Kei came from behind Tadashi and he jumped in surprise, shaking his shoulders but agreeing with what his friend proposed. "Let's go outside, now."
Tadashi let go of the volleyball he had in hands and blindly followed Kei towards the door, the sky was already dark, but since the penultimate game before they could face Shiratorizawa and go to the nationals was on the next day, they were going on extra training just to make sure.
Once they were outside, Kei kept on walking and rounded the gymnasium before stopping and turning to face the freckled boy he called his best friend.
"I know this might come out weird and sound like I'm probing into something that is none of my business, but as your best friend and counting that you worry for me sometimes, I might as well do the same," Tadashi stared at Kei with a blank expression, forcing the taller boy to adjust his glasses uncomfortably and cough, a light red blush forming on his pale cheeks, still visible even if it was already dark. "My point is, I noticed something had been bothering you for months and I decided to let you be because it didn't look like that much of a big deal, but here we are and you still look bothered by the same thing and I want to ask what is it and if there's anything you want to tell me, if I assume that I'm your only close friend just like you are fir me."
Laughter bubbled at the back of Tadashi's throat and Kei looked at him puzzled.
"What's so funny?" he asked and Tadashi took a deep breath before replying.
"Nothing, it's just amusing to see you concerned, thanks though," he finally said and Kei mumbled something that was probably offensive but Tadashi ignored it, instead, he thought if he should talk it all out with him, maybe it'd help him calm down and tomorrow wouldn't be all that bad. "Do you really want to know?" he questioned tentatively and Kei rolled his eyes, showing Tadashi that the answer was obvious. Of course I want to, idiot. "It's quite long if you ask me."
"Details," Kei snorted and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and staring straight into Tadashi's eyes. "I told Daichi-san I would talk to you about how you've been behaving weirdly and looking down recently and he told me I could take as much time as I wanted. So I'm all ears."
Tadashi sighed and took a seat next to Kei's legs, he closed his eyes and his the back of his head on the wall softly and opened his mouth to tell him everything.
The hand on Kei's chin showed that he was thinking and processing everything Tadashi had told him, from the beginning of it all on their practice match with Aobajousai and the meeting with Iwaizumi and Tooru when he was going home and how his dreams started to become more and more vivid as time passed. He was immersed on his thoughts and Tadashi was simply nervous about it all and how Kei would react to his last addition of I might also be or might, I don't know, pretty much infatuated with one Oikawa Tooru, that asshole.
"I still don't understand it as much as I wished I did," Kei said calmly and Tadashi turned to him so quick he felt his head spinning. "But this sounds a lot like something taken out from a book."
"What do you mean?" he asked worried and at a loss.
"I mean, have you ever watched movies or read books where the main characters barely know each other but something binds them and that's how they get together?" Kei looked away and coughed for good measure before speaking further. "Because I might've and this sounds a lot like it, I know it's a little irrational to believe in it but all I can think about is that your dreams aren't really dreams but actually some flashbacks and memories from something that happened, perhaps, in another life."
"Weird." was the only thing Tadashi could say because it was the only thing he could think about. It was weird to imagine that he had led another life. It was weird to think that those dreams were once true. It was weird to think that Tooru was part of it and it was even worse when he thought that Tooru might know all of it already and yet was acting like this towards him - not just weird, but painful.
"So," Kei said after giving Tadashi some minutes to think about what he had said. "You have a crush on the grand king?"
And, just with those words, Tadashi turned beet red and started to stutter and talk gibberish, Kei looked highly entertained.
"Don't make me repeat myself!" he managed to say while getting up. "I don't know who he truly is," he whispered crestfallen and with his eyes oddly wet at the corners. Kei looked at him sympathetic. "I just know what I saw and I wish it could happen this time too, if what you said about a past life is true."
"You gotta try." Kei told him and Tadashi closed his fists, resolution boiling inside of him.
"Thanks, you're the best." he smiled brightly and made Kei feel at ease, maybe everything would work out and Tadashi would be back to normal by tomorrow or at least next week.
"Don't mention." he said cooly and made his way back into the gymnasium with the boys still playing incessantly there. Tadashi smiled and went after him, prepared for whatever came his way tomorrow.
The match against Aobajousai was everything Tadashi had imagined, hard and challenging like the way Tooru stared at him when their gazes met, even with their improved first tempo synchronized attack and everything else they had perfected it was a difficult match, Tadashi himself felt his chest swell with pride when he managed to snatch a few points with his polished jump float serve and the surprised looks he got from the rival team were all worth his hard work.
Especially when the referee blowed the whistle and announced that they had scored their match point and had won over Aobajousai, one of the four best teams in Miyagi.
Everybody cheered and shouted, Akiteru, Saeko and Hitoka yelling from the bleachers and Tadashi not knowing what to do in the middle of all the festive chaos. Should he greet his teammates? Coach Ukai? Thank whoever came to watch them? Or should he go over to Tooru and ask him if he wanted a hug? Because he could see from the distance he was that Aobajousai's captain was in tears and on the verge of springing out of the court before congratulating Karasuno on their win and shaking hands with them.
That was exactly what Tooru did, he heard Hajime yelling at him. "Oikawa, you're the captain, don't run away because the team needs you." but he didn't listen and ran off somewhere else, their couch rubbing his forehead and patting Hajime's back, probably saying that he played well and that he should go over to talk to the boys that also had tears running down their cheeks while the opposite team, Karasuno, had tears of happiness staining their faces.
"Go, Yamaguchi." Kei gave his back a soft and encouraging push towards the same door Tooru used and Tadashi took a few deep breaths before running off the court as well.
He passed by the main entrance and ran around the whole gym, wind hitting him across the face with the intensity of his speed, he had no idea of where Tooru could be and where he should start from, so his instincts led him outside, just in case Tooru wanted to go away from everyone and went somewhere far from the whole thing, probably outside, but he wasn't there. Not under the trees or at the back of the gymnasium, he took a look at the long stair that would end up downtown and near Shiratorizawa's grounds and he couldn't sight Tooru. Tadashi's breathing wasn't steady and he was starting to sweat a lot, he ran back to the starting point and started looking for him all around the place, the halls were empty and he could still hear the sound of cheering coming from where the match took place, a light came to mind and he sped off towards the lockers and found the door half opened and decided to push and take a look inside it.
And that was when Tadashi found Tooru curled up at the corner behind one of the benches and against the cold iron locker. He walked silently until he was standing in front of him, casting a shadow and forcing Tooru to look up at his face, his eyes red and his mouth quivering at the sight of a Karasuno player witnessing his miserable state.
"What are you doing here?" Tooru sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, pouting and hugging his legs closer to his chest. "You should be celebrating with your teammates."
Tadashi blinked and crouched down, trying to be on the same eye level as Tooru as he took his face into his hands and stared into his wet eyes.
"But I was searching for you," he said with all the courage he had gathered since the talk he had the previous day with Kei. "And I thought this would be the best moment to talk to you about that because I got the feeling that you know what I'm referring to."
"I do, actually," Tooru said with a frail smile as one tear slid down his cheek and Tadashi wiped it with his thumb, Tooru's body giving in to the warmth as he leaned into Tadashi's touch with his eyes closed. "But I don't know how to deal with it. It's too complicated."
"You make it complicated," Tadashi whispered and pressed a kiss to Tooru's temple and smiled when the setter's eyes got wide and the low hiccuping ceased. "It could be a lot easier, actually."
"How?" he asked and Tadashi gave him a toothy smiled that said glad you asked.
"We ignore the whole thing about our past lives being connected like that and all the memories we saw," Tadashi said calmly and laughed at the expression Tooru gave him. "And then, we make our own memories ourselves, independent of those."
Tooru's face went from perplexed to an embarrassed one and Tadashi couldn't help but laugh.
"Also, that hurt," he said and Tooru mouthed a what? to him. "Those words, you called me a bench warmer in such a despising tone that I thought you hated me."
"I was trying to make you dislike me, I didn't want something based on a image of another life you had, that would sounds like a pretty shallow reason and I was afraid of being hurt when you discovered I'm nothing like the one in your dreams."
"I'm used to assholes," Tadashi commented and received a soft punch from Tooru. "But you're a cute one."
"I'm older, I dare you to keep on trying to make me uneasy and mad." Tooru protested but Tadashi snorted and pressed their lips together, making Tooru yelp in surprise before giving in.
"Does it really matter?" he said after he broke the kiss and Tooru didn't reply, he stared at the door instead and flushed red.
"Uh, sorry for interrupting," Hajime said and pulled Shigeru and Kentarou away with him, but peeked into the room again. "But it was about time, by the way, glad to see you're getting along because Oikawa wouldn't shut up about you."
He shot a playful smirk at Tooru who looked outraged at his friend's announcement and waved at Tadashi who had to cover his mouth to not burst out laughing and make Tooru even more embarrassed.
"Iwa-chan I hate you," he yelled and tried to get up, but Tadashi held him back and embraced his figure. "What are you doing?" Tooru asked, voice muffled by Tadashi's shirt.
"Just starting to create those memories I mentioned before." and Tooru hesitated for a second before returning the hug, his arms wrapping themselves on Tadashi's waist and his nose buried on his neck.
Tadashi sighed happily and Tooru hugged him tighter, his tears long gone.