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Kojiro was walking through a field of white and yellow flowers. Chrysanthemums, he remembered their resident akagashira and expert on all things flora once calling them. They were everywhere, no matter where Kojiro turned, the vast expanse of white and yellow-petaled flowers stretched on.
Not that he was looking anywhere but forward. Because just ahead, standing at the edge of the cliff overlooking the sea, was the one being more important to him than anything in this and any universe. Their island’s legendary Guardian. The cool and aloof fox spirit who had once been his rival and now, a thousand years later, was his lover. The one who’d marked him as his own.
Kojiro opened his mouth to call for him, but no sound came out, his voice stolen by the wind. He frowned and moved forward, but no matter how far he trudged through the flowers – whose stems had lengthed, nearly reaching his chin now – he couldn’t get any closer. “Kaoru!” he tried again, but the other couldn’t hear him.
He managed to push some of the flowers out of his way and drew closer. But Kaoru still did not respond to his calls. Only when Kojiro was almost to his side, did the fox spirit turn his way, glancing over his shoulder to give a sad smile before a bright light engulfed him and he faded into nothingness right before Kojiro’s very eyes.
“Kaoru!” Kojiro shot up in bed, panic gripping his chest. His horns were out and his third eye – which was wide open – ached. He placed a hand on his forehead as he snapped his head to the side. Relief washed over him when he saw that Kaoru, as well as Carla, were slumbering peacefully beside him.
He fell back against his pillow, his breath leaving his lungs in a whoosh. What the hell was that? A nightmare?
Kojiro rolled onto his side and took in the form of his sleeping lover. Kaoru was at ease, any stress or annoyance gone from his beautiful face as he slept on, unbothered by Kojiro’s sudden outburst. It was rare to see him so relaxed and Kojiro didn’t want to wake him.
He didn’t have to. He wasn’t a child. There was no reason to disturb Kaoru’s slumber just because he’d had a nightmare.
Even so… Kojiro rubbed at his forehead, his third eye closed and hidden now. It had felt so real. Kaoru was right in front of him and then gone in an instant. Kojiro had tried to reach out to him, but his fingers grasped only the air as the centuries-old fox spirit faded away.
Ascended, his mind supplied.
Careful not to wake either him or Carla, Kojiro wrapped his arms around Kaoru and pulled him to his chest. He pressed his face into his hair, nosing the crown of Kaoru’s head, and took a deep inhale. The subtle fragrance of cherry blossoms filled his senses and he released a shaky breath.
Kaoru was safe. He was here.
But somewhere, in the back of his mind, were the words ‘For now.’
The images from his nightmare lingered well into his workday. Even after closing, when their little family of sorts walked in and seated themselves at the counter, Kojiro was still unsettled by the flashes of Kaoru's sad smile, the pained expression on his face, and the yet unshed tears shining in those golden eyes of his.
“-jiro, are you even listening?” He was pulled from his thoughts by the very fox spirit in question. He blinked and looked into those familiar golden eyes, which showed not a hint of sadness now, but only fierce annoyance and – now, only he knew them well enough to decipher this – concern.
“Sorry,” Kojiro said, not having the energy to bicker with Kaoru at the moment, but also immediately regretting doing something so suspicious. “I was lost in thought.”
Now, normally, Kaoru would have taken the bait. He would have mentioned something about ‘idiot onis not having the mental capacity for thought’ or the like. But he didn’t. And Kojiro could have kicked himself for being so obvious.
Thankfully, it was Miya who picked up the slack. “That’s dangerous,” the nekomata said snarkily, his twin tails swishing behind him in a playful manner.
“Yeah,” Hiromi joined in with a snort. “I thought I smelled smoke.”
Thank goodness Kojiro’s absent-mindedness – or, completely preoccupied-mindedness – wasn’t obvious to them. Still, he was going to get grilled by Kaoru later, he was sure.
“Out with it.” Or perhaps he was going to be grilled right now, as Kaoru’s tone left no room for argument.
However, instead of mentioning his dream about Kaoru’s sudden disappearance, Kojiro addressed Hiromi. “Yeah, what was it you were saying?”
The akagashira blinked and, after glancing between Kaoru and Kojiro a few times – damn it, why did everyone catch on so quickly around here? – he cleared his throat. “Catboy was just asking me about the meaning of flowers.”
Good man. Kojiro would pay triple for his next produce order as a thank you.
“Yeah…” Miya, too, looked susppicious now, but went along with it. If Kojiro didn’t already feed him for free, he’d owe him a few weeks worth of meals on the house. “Something about chrysanthemums.”
Now, that caught Kojiro’s attention. He was ready to go back to the kitchen – and hide from Kaoru – while he got everyone’s dinner. But that was the exact flower from his dream.
“Well, they’re very popular for bouquets lately,” Hiromi went on excitedly. Expected of the yokai with two green thumbs. “But I’m always telling my patrons to choose the colors based on their meaning, rather than what they think someone will like.”
Kaoru, whose golden gaze had not left Kojiro once during the entire exchange, heaved a sigh and finally turned his attention on Hiromi. “Their meaning?”
Kojiro let out his own sigh of relief and executed his escape. But he barely made it to the kitchen door before he gave pause once more, the akagashira’s words piquing his interest.
“The white ones, for example, might seem pure to the average customer, but they actually symbolize loyalty and honesty,” he explained. “So, I caution folks not to give them lightly.”
White chrysanthemums… just like the ones in Kojiro’s dream. But they weren’t the only ones there.
“What about yellow?” Kojiro was asking before he could stop himself.
Hiromi turned toward him and blinked, but answered anyway. “The yellow ones might look bright and sunny, but their meaning is much more somber,” he said and, after a quick, totally noticeable glance over at Kaoru, he continued. “They represent neglected love and sorrow.”
Neglected love and sorrow. Kojiro swallowed. He knew about messages being sent in the form of dreams. And though his third eye had not been gifted the ability to see clearly into the future, he knew a premonition when he was sent one.
But why the combination of loyalty and honesty with neglected love and sorrow? Was Kaoru feeling neglected?
“I truly find all of this very fascinating,” Kaoru said and then turned toward his pipefox familiar, who was perched on his shoulder. “But Carla hasn’t eaten since lunch, so…” At first glance, the look he threw Kojiro’s way might have appeared to be ‘unimpressed’ or even ‘impatient.’ But Kojiro saw through it. They were going to talk about this. Sooner or later.
Sooner, as it turned out. For once Hiromi and Miya bid them goodnight, Kaoru rounded on Kojiro, pinning him against the counter with his gaze and placing a hand on either side of him. There was no escape. “You’ve been acting strangely.”
Kojiro swallowed. He’d forgotten how intense their island’s Guardian could get when he felt threatened or angered. But then, in a blink, Kaoru’s expression softened.
“Kojiro.” He lifted one of his hands to brush Kojiro’s bangs to the side. “What’s troubling you?”
Beside them, snuggled around Kojiro’s disguised kanabo club, Carla snored softly. It was the only sound in the suddenly much too quiet dining room.
“Kojiro,” he repeated, more firmly this time.
He sighed. There was no winning against him. That thought alone made him smile, despite the uneasy feeling swirling in his chest at the memory of his all-too-real dream. “Just a nightmare.”
Kaoru’s brows lifted to his hairline, surprise written all over his beautiful face. Though Kojiro wasn’t sure if it was surprise at the reason for his suspicious behavior or at how quickly he admitted it. No matter his thought on the subject, his fingers tucked the stray lock of hair behind Kojiro’s ear before gently stroking his jaw. “Seems like more than just a nightmare to me.”
Since when had Kojiro been so transparent? Then again, Kaoru could always see right through him, couldn’t he?
How on Earth had they hidden their mutual feelings from each other for so long? That was some strong sense of denial they had going–
“Kojiro.” Kaoru’s stern call contrasted with the gentle brush of his thumb against Kojiro’s cheekbone. “If you truly do not wish to confide in me…”
Oh, that was playing dirty. But Kojiro smiled in spite of himself.
“I had a dream and you were in it,” Kojiro admitted before taking a deep breath. “We were in a field of those flowers Hiromi was talking about,” he continued. “The ones that mean loyalty, but also the ones meaning sorrow.” He wet his lips and sneaked a glance at Kaoru’s face to gauge his reaction. The other wasn’t laughing at him. His expression was a bit confused, but open.
“What happened in the dream?” Kaoru pulled away just enough to return to his seat, offering Kojiro the one beside him.
“You were far away from me.” Kojiro fell heavily onto the stool. “I kept trying to call out to you, but you couldn’t hear me,” he went on. “And the harder I tried to get to you, the farther away you were.”
Kaoru nodded. “It’s not unusual to have strange dreams like that.”
That was true. But it had felt so real. And the worst part… “When I was finally able to reach you, you…” The image of Kaoru disappearing in a flash of light replayed in his head. “You vanished.”
They were silent for a moment. Then Kaoru spoke, “Koji–”
“No, that’s not right,” Kojiro interrupted him and then ducked his head in apology. “You didn’t vanish,” he clarified. “You…ascended.”
Realization dawned on Kaoru’s pretty face. “You’re worried I’m going to leave you.”
“Not by choice,” Kojiro was quick to correct him. “But you’ve been around a long time, Old Man.” He tried to lighten the mood with a barb. And thankfully, Kaoru looked a bit miffed at that, his sakura pink ears popping out and his innumerable tails appearing behind him. “You know what happens when foxes reach a certain age…”
Not that Kojiro knew what that certain age was. But he’d heard legends of Divine Foxes who’d finished their work here on Earth and ascended into the heavens. Guardians became Gods. And the other yokai…
“You’re correct in that regard,” Kaoru said with a sigh. “I am over one thousand years old and I’ve gained far more than nine tails in my long life.” He gestured toward the glowing tails behind him. “I should have received my Eternal Reward by now.”
Something cold and awful settled in Kojiro’s stomach. So, it wasn’t just a dream, after all. And his fears were not unfounded. Did that mean… Was he sent that dream to prepare him for Kaoru’s departure? Had the gods gifted him a premonition so he could come to terms with it before they took him away?
Perhaps, in their own way, the gods were being kind. Pitying the lone oni who’d fallen for their island Guardian. As a reward for all the good deeds he’d done.
“But if I didn’t accept their gift then, I’m certainly not going to accept it now.” Kaoru’s words pulled Kojiro from his thoughts.
He blinked and then frowned in confusion. “What?”
Kaoru smiled and flicked Kojiro on the forehead – right where his third eye would be. “I’ll say it slower, so even your ogre brain can process it.” He snorted. Very unbecoming of the gorgeous creature seated beside him. “There was a time… quite some time ago, actually,” he began, “When the gods offered me a place in Heaven.”
Wait. They’d already… But that would mean…
“You turned them down?” Kojiro was beyond shocked. That was the ultimate goal of a yokai of Kaoru’s class and standing. To be given a place in the world above.
“I certainly did,” Kaoru answered with a smirk. “I told them I had…unfinished business on Earth.”
Kojiro stared at him. Yes, Kaoru had teased him for it earlier, but he was still processing what the other had said. Kaoru had been offered entrance into Heaven, but he’d turned it down in order to stay on Earth. Why?
But then what Kaoru had said clicked. “Unfinished business?” Kojiro repeated.
To his surprise, Kaoru’s cheeks tinted the loveliest shade of pink.
Wait a second.
“How long ago was this?” Kojiro asked.
Kaoru didn’t answer at first. He took out his fan and unfolded it, hiding the lower half of his face. “A few decades ago… maybe…”
Now, Kojiro was often teased for his supposed inability to do basic math – by the very fox before him – but even a child understood the passage of time. “That was before we confessed.” He’d said it aloud. But he wasn’t embarrassed. How could he be, when Kaoru was turning a shade of red dark enough for the both of them.
The sweetest feeling filled Kojiro’s chest. Kaoru had chosen to stay. Kaoru had chosen him . Long before they’d known their feelings were mutual. Gods, he could kiss him right now. And go on kissing him for another thousand years.
But first… “You wanted to stick around me that badly?” Kojiro teased, unable to help himself.
Kaoru snorted from behind his fan before lowering it, a gorgeously goofy smile on his flushed face, which quickly turned into a put-upon frown. “Just as badly as you would’ve wanted me to stick around,” he retorted and then stuck his nose in the air, maintaining that level of superiority only an island Guardian could.
Haughty. Cute. Kojiro loved him. He loved him more than anything in this and any world.
“Kojiro!” Kaoru squawked when Kojiro scooped him up into his arms and spun him around, narrowly avoiding the stools and tables around them. “Put me down, you oaf of an oni!” Kaoru smacked him with his fan, but he was laughing.
“You were right,” Kojiro said when he finally slowed to a stop, earning a quirked eyebrow from the fox in his arms.
“Of course,” Kaoru said and added, “About what, exactly?”
“About you sticking around,” Kojiro explained before pressing his forehead to Kaoru’s. “You made a huge sacrifice, giving up your chance at Heaven,” he breathed. “But in doing so, you gave me the greatest gift of all.”
Kojiro could feel the heat radiating off of Kaoru’s face. But as much as he loved the other’s flustered expression, he stayed close, nuzzling their noses.
He was beyond happy. And he needed to show Kaoru just how much he appreciated what he’d done. Right now. And so, without a second thought, he threw his lover over his shoulder – ignoring the squeak of protest – locked the door to the restaurant, and carried him upstairs.
Later. Much, much later, Kojiro was combing his fingers though Kaoru’s long hair, the other’s head pillowed on his chest. This was bliss.
Though… a thought did occur to him.
“Kaoru,” he whispered, voice a bit hoarse.
“Mmn?” Kaoru didn’t open his eyes, but angled his head slightly toward him.
“The gods don’t typically make decisions lightly,” Kojiro mused. “And they don’t usually change their minds either…”
Kaoru groaned and rolled even closer to him, pressing his face into Kojiro’s right pectoral muscle. “What are you getting at?” His voice was muffled, his warm breath fanning over Kojiro’s skin. “If you have a question, just ask it.”
Even this, Kojiro found irresistibly adorable.
“Well,” Kojiro went on. “How exactly did you convince the gods to let you stay?”
Kaoru stilled in his hold. And if Kojiro didn’t know better, he might have thought he’d fallen asleep. But he did know. He knew Kaoru like the back of his hand. Every emotion. Every facial expression. His body language.
Oh. This was going to be interesting.
Kaoru pulled back, if only slightly, and whispered so low, Kojiro didn’t quite hear him.
“What’s that, Kaoru?”
A sigh. Long and suffering. Then Kaoru repeated himself. “I said… I told them I’d found my own heaven here.”
Oh, what ammunition. Armed with this, Kojiro could tease Kaoru for another thousand years or so. But he didn’t. Because he was too busy pulling the other to his chest.
“Kmmmjrmmm!” Kaoru tried to shout, but Kojiro didn’t let him go. He was too embarrassed to show the other his face, which felt like it had burst into flames. He loved him. He loved him so damn much.
Finally, Kojiro released him, the other taking a huge gulp of air before crawling up to rest his head on the pillow beside him. They didn’t say anything as Kojiro’s face cooled. It was only after Kaoru pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, that he broke the silence.
“Get some rest,” Kaoru ordered. “You’ve got an early delivery in the morning.”
Kojiro couldn’t help but smile wide. Even so, he did as he was told. He let his eyes slip closed without worry, because he knew he wouldn’t be having any nightmares tonight.