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“...So... I may or may not have forgotten to bring a razor,” Dazai leaned out the bathroom doorway and flashed a wry smile. “Can I use yours?” He asked, mostly to see how his partner would react.
“Why can't you run and get your own? We live in the same building.” Kunikida shot him a tired glare.
“But I don't feel like walking.”
“You live upstairs. It's not far.”
“You could make me one! Y'know,” he pantomimed writing in a notebook and dramatically tearing out the imaginary page.
“I'm not wasting paper on something frivolous that you can just go upstairs and get. Besides, you know you can't use things I make with my ability anyway.”
“But I'm tired.”
“You'll be fine.”
“I don't wanna,” Dazai pouted, drawing out the last word.
“...Fine. In the cabinet by the sink, middle shelf, next to the mouthwash,” Kunikida sighed, recognizing that he was fighting a losing battle. “And no funny business. If you get blood all over my bathroom, I will personally send you to hell myself, then drag you right back and make you clean it up.”
Dazai laughed. Kunikida was caving to his silly requests more easily every day. “Oh come on, that'd be rude. I'll be careful. Besides, you know me, I don't like pain.”
Kunikida's bathroom cabinet was every bit as organized as Dazai expected it to be. Everything was perfectly aligned, with the objects he figured Kunikida used the most at eye level. He couldn't help snooping a bit first, examining everything from his boyfriend's preferred brand of shampoo to his favorite flavor of toothpaste. He stopped to examine a bottle of Kunikida's favorite cologne, which, according to the back of the bottle, was supposed to evoke a mountain forest. That wasn't what he would've guessed, but then again, his own favorite cologne didn't exactly smell like the stormy ocean wind on the label, either. Dazai made a mental note of the brand and fragrance so he could pick up a bottle later to spray a bit on his pillowcase and inside the collar of his favorite coat.
Next to a half-empty bottle of mouthwash, instead of the electric razor Dazai expected to find, or possibly even a package of disposable razors and a can of shaving cream, there was a large wooden box. Curious, he slid it out of the cabinet and set it on the counter. It was clearly an antique, decorated with an elegant inlaid maple leaf pattern and finished with a glossy expensive-feeling lacquer, the kind of showy piece the Port Mafia would presented to an important official as a gift or a bribe, not something a simple detective like Doppo Kunikida would keep in his bathroom cabinet. Dazai very carefully opened the lid, not wanting to damage the undoubtedly pricey box, and not quite sure what he expected to find inside of it. The box contained a spotless and perfectly arranged old-fashioned shaving kit, complete with a straight razor, the blade neatly folded into its dark wooden handle, with a maple leaf design matching the box. The kit looked more like something the flashy, image-conscious Chuuya would use, not the pragmatic Kunikida. Dazai gently removed the razor, slid open the blade, and carefully examined how it caught the light while shuddering at the thought of actually trying to use it.
“So... What do I do with this?” Dazai leaned on the bathroom door frame and held out the razor, blade safely folded back into the handle.
Kunikida turned around, gave Dazai a confused look, and sighed as he raised a hand to his forehead. “...Right. Of course you wouldn't know how to use one.”
“Is this part of one of your ideals? Perhaps something about maaaaaaanliness?”
“Well, yes,” Kunikida said matter-of-factly, either unaware that Dazai was teasing him or ignoring it. “What else would it be?”
“My, what a brave, tough, manly man Doppo Kunikida must be, using a straight razor every day,” Dazai lilted, shifting his weight back and forth from one foot to the other and fiddling with the razor.
“I guess you'll have to go get your own razor, then,” Kunikida rolled his eyes, this time clearly aware of and ignoring Dazai's teasing.
“But it's all the way in my apartment,” Dazai pouted.
“Which is a whole floor upstairs. You'll be fine.”
“But I just woke up, I'm still tired...” Dazai groaned, drawing out the words for effect.
“It's one flight of stairs, lazy ass.”
“But that takes effort...” he groaned again and slumped against the door frame.
Kunikida sighed and rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to do it for you?” He held out his hand and motioned for Dazai to give him the razor, indicating that he wasn't talking about making the short trip upstairs.
Dazai immediately stopped fidgeting and blinked in surprise. He thought he'd tease Kunikida a bit longer about his ideals regarding masculinity, jokingly consider trying to pull off the scruffy rogue look, probably get shot down, and then make a big dramatic show of sulking off to his own apartment to retrieve a disposable razor and a can of shaving cream. Then they'd share a bonding moment trying to shave together, fighting over the small amount of space in front of Kunikida's bathroom sink and playfully nudging each other aside between strokes, just like in sitcoms. Dazai always wanted to do that, but every time they'd spent the night together, Kunikida, diligent as always, was already dressed, shaved, and cooking breakfast by the time Dazai groggily rolled off his futon.
But instead of any of that, his boyfriend was offering to give him a shave with an old-fashioned straight razor. He would've thought it was a joke, if Kunikida was capable of joking. As much as he'd come to trust Kunikida, Dazai had still grown up in the mafia, and letting someone else hold an extremely sharp blade to his neck was well beyond anything he was comfortable with. But, Kunikida was standing there with an impatient look on his face waiting for Dazai's answer, and maybe this was just the opportunity he needed. If he was going to willingly let anybody near his neck with a knife, it was Doppo Kunikida. And after all, he was always pushing Kunikida out of his comfort zone, maybe it was about time he let his partner return the favor.
Dazai gave a small, uncharacteristically awkward chuckle as he carefully placed the razor in Kunikida's outstretched hand. “Well, can't refuse an offer like that, can I?”
“Alright, I'll get set up. Run a towel under some hot water and hold it to your face for a while, it'll make things more comfortable,” Kunikida pointed to the kitchen sink as he headed for the bathroom.
“Set up? It's just shaving,” Dazai laughed as he picked out a hand towel. He'd watched enough historical dramas to have a decent idea of the process and how much effort it took, but he wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to tease Kunikida.
“You want me to do it right, don't you? Doing it this way takes work, and I thought you didn't like pain.”
“Fine, fine. You and your ideals,” Dazai laughed, wetting the towel with warm water at the kitchen sink before pressing it to his face. It smelled like laundry soap and it dampened the bandages around his neck, but he had to admit it did feel nice, and anyway, Doppo Kunikida wouldn't be Doppo Kunikida without his ideals and strict routines.
After a few minutes of mental preparation, fiddling with the corner of the towel, and listening to Kunikida humming to himself over the strange noises he was making in the bathroom, Kunikida appeared in the doorway. “Are you ready?”
Dazai nodded and entered the bathroom. As he hung the damp towel over the shower curtain rod to dry, Kunikida motioned for him to have a seat on the counter. He nodded in acknowledgment and hopped up onto the small space next to the sink.
Kunikida cupped Dazai's chin in his fist and gently tilted his head at various angles, lightly brushing his fingertips over Dazai's stubble. “What, you don't know what my face looks like well enough to shave it? I'm offended,” he teased.
“Do you want me to go against the grain on the first pass? Because if that's what you want, I will, mister I-don't-like-pain.”
“You're no fun,” he chuckled, trying not to let his nerves show.
Kunikida ignored the remark as he grabbed a small cup of shaving lather and a short brush. “Sorry... This part will probably feel a little weird,” he blushed, making an expression that was almost apologetic.
Dazai gave an exaggerated shrug, closed his eyes, and tilted his head back so Kunikida could get a better angle to apply the lather. It did feel weird. Not entirely unpleasant, but it was cold, and the brush was stiff, and he had no clue why Kunikida insisted on going through this part of the process when you could just buy a can of shaving cream from the convenience store down the road for a couple hundred yen and call it good. But Kunikida had an ideal about manliness to uphold, and he probably wouldn't stand for taking shortcuts. He sneezed when the bristles brushed against his nose, spraying flecks of lather on Kunikida's glasses.
“Sorry.”
Kunikida sighed as he wiped off the lenses, checked for smudges, and wiped them again. “Try not to do that again.”
“What's that made of, anyway?”
“Boar hair.”
Dazai's nose wrinkled. “Why did I ask...”
“Can I finish now?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Dazai tilted his head back again to let Kunikida work, and tried not to sneeze again. Instead, he tried to imagine Kunikida carefully painting lather on his own face, giving his reflection a look of intense concentration and holding the brush just firmly enough to not drop it in the sink. The same brush that he'd just finished using to apply lather to Dazai's face. The thought sent a shiver of excitement down his spine.
“I bet I look pretty handsome like this, huh?” He smirked.
“Nobody does,” Kunikida set the brush and cup off to the side and picked up the razor, very carefully sliding the blade open.
“I bet you do.”
“I doubt that.”
“Aw, come on, don't be so hard on yourself.”
“Are you going to stop talking so I can shave you? I know shutting up is hard, but do you want to get cut?”
“Fine,” Dazai rolled his eyes.
Kunikida gently rested his fingertips just behind Dazai's ear and guided his head forward. “You ready?”
“Something like that,” Dazai chuckled. “I gotta admit, I've never had somebody hold a blade to my neck and not try to threaten me. Are you trying to threaten me, Kunikida-kun?”
“Maybe I'm threatening you to stop stealing the all the blankets whenever we spend the night together,” he chuckled.
“If it's over that, wouldn't taking away my pillows be more effective? Or refusing to make me breakfast? I mean, this seems a little extreme, don't you think?” Dazai laughed.
Kunikida stepped back, still holding the razor. “...You know, if you're not comfortable with this, I don't have to do it...”
“Oh, come on, I'm just messing around with you,” he laughed awkwardly, trying to play it off.
“Dazai.” Kunikida took a deep breath. “I'm serious. I know you try to hide your feelings, but we've known each other for how long now? I can tell when you're nervous about something.”
Dazai froze. After an uncomfortably long pause, he looked down at his feet, awkwardly dangling just above the floor. “I... yeah. Yeah.”
Kunikida gently folded the razor blade back into its handle. “Okay. I'll run to your apartment. Your keys are in your coat pocket, right?”
“Wait! You don't have to do that...”
“Hm?”
“I... I want to let you do this. I'm sorry, I'm just...” He took a deep breath, “I need to prepare a little, yeah? I mean, usually when somebody has a knife at my neck, it's not because they're happy to see me.”
“...Are you sure?”
Dazai nodded slowly.
“I don't want to push you. If you're not comfortable with it...”
“You're not. Please.” Dazai gave one of his characteristic goofy smiles and pointed to his chin. “You already made me look ridiculous, might as well finish the job, right? Unless you want me to try out the scruffy rogue look,” he smirked and gave Kunikida an exaggerated shrug. “I mean, I don't know if I'd be able to pull it off, but it might be fun to try.”
Kunikida took a deep breath. “...Alright.” He slid the razor open as he leaned in, standing on his toes to kiss Dazai's forehead. “I'll just do one pass, then. Normally you'd do three, but...” he trailed off, “...Tell me if you want me to stop.”
Dazai nodded and closed his eyes. Kunikida rested his hand on the back of Dazai's neck, letting his fingers get tangled in Dazai's loose curls. Dazai let Kunikida gently guide his head, breathing deeply as he tightened his grip on the edge of the countertop. He trusted that Kunikida wouldn't hurt him, not on purpose. But he was still completely at the mercy of someone who was standing between his legs and about to press a blade to his face, and even knowing that person was Kunikida didn't help.
“Hold still.”
He felt Kunikida's fingertips gently tug the skin of his cheek upward, and then the blade came. It barely made contact with his skin as Kunikida drew it down his cheek in an almost inhumanly smooth stroke. He might not have even noticed it if he wasn't trying so hard not to think about it. The razor was even colder than the lather, but Kunikida was barely putting any pressure on it, and he barely felt each time it made contact. He felt Kunikida try to tilt his head back to get a better angle, and before he could adjust his iron grip on the countertop, Kunikida was already carefully guiding the razor along his jaw. He tilted Dazai's head back a bit more, and Dazai felt his heart race as Kunikida's fingers rested on his neck. He braced himself for the sting of metal slicing through flesh, but it didn't come. Instead, Kunikida's strokes felt even more measured and feather-light. He wasn't sure how that was possible, but then again, he was sitting on a bathroom countertop with Doppo Kunikida standing between his legs and shaving his neck with a straight razor. This morning was full of surprises.
“One side down...” Kunikida paused to rinse off the blade. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah.” Dazai said, slowly forcing himself to exhale.
“You're not bleeding. I promise.”
“I believe you.”
Kunikida nodded. Dazai closed his eyes again and turned his head slightly. He felt Kunikida brush a few stray strands of his hair behind his ear before gently guiding the position of his head to get a better angle. He repeated the process on Dazai's other cheek, carefully pulling the skin taut and guiding the razor's quick, precise, strokes. Dazai let himself breathe this time, slowly, in case the subtle motion would be enough to cause Kunikida to nick him, but he wasn't holding his breath anymore. Now that he knew what to expect, he could relax a little bit. He was still tense, because no matter how he tried to re-frame it in his mind, he was still wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants and sitting on a bathroom counter while someone else ran a knife over his face, and even with all the time he spent in the Mafia, he couldn't think of a time when he'd let himself be put in a more vulnerable position.
He exhaled slowly as Kunikda gently tilted his head back, fingers barely touching Dazai's chin.
“Still doing okay?”
“Mm.” Dazai grunted in affirmation.
“I'm almost done, just a little bit more.”
Dazai felt his body start to tense up as the razor's edge made contact with his jaw, and forced himself to relax as it slid gracefully down his neck.
Kunikida wouldn't hurt him. Kunikida would never hurt him. Kunikida would stop if he asked.
He carefully opened one eye, then the other, and felt the tension properly leave his body as he took in Kunikida's determined expression. His concentration was so intense that he didn't seem to notice the fog forming on the edges of his glasses from the humidity of the bathroom.
“Last part,” Kunikida said softly as he tilted Dazai's head forward again, and gently tugged at his upper lip with his thumb.
This time Dazai wasn't afraid of the razor, as it glided gently over his upper lip, first on the left side, then the right. Kunikida grunted affirmatively to himself as he tilted Dazai's head a few more times and then rested his fingertips at Dazai's ears, checking that the short sideburns were even.
“All done,” Kunikida helped him down from his seat on the countertop, and then offered him a towel. “Don't tell me you forgot your aftershave, too?”
“Nope, I remembered that,” Dazai chuckled as he ran his fingertips over his cheeks, mesmerized by the smoothness. “Where did you learn how to do that, anyway?”
“I have an uncle who's a barber, he taught me when I was in high school,” Kunikida stated as he cleaned and dried the razor. “I would have apprenticed under him if the Agency or becoming a math teacher didn't work out. He gave me that shaving kit as a graduation present.”
“Hmm, Kunikida's family~” Dazai mused out loud as he dried his face, swiped a bottle of aftershave from Kunikida's shelf, and rubbed some into his cheeks and neck. “Maybe I'll get to meet this uncle someday?”
“Sure, I can introduce you sometime if you want, his shop's on the other side of town.”
“And maybe someday he'll be my uncle-in-law?~” Dazai flirted as he put the bottle away before Kunikida noticed it was missing.
Kunikida blushed. “...Perhaps. Anyway, go finish getting ready, we have errands to run.”
“Hmm, I think I'll take my time,” Dazai leaned in to plant a small kiss on Kunikida's cheek. “It's our day off, after all.”
“And you used my aftershave anyway,” Kunikida sighed. “I should've figured.”
Dazai laughed. “You did such a good job, I couldn't help myself. My face is now a tribute to your excellent shaving skills.”
“Please don't put it like that,” Kunikida groaned.