Chapter Text
Conceal. Don't feel. Conceal. Don't feel.
Her lifelong mantra.
It never really worked for her then, and it most certainly wasn't going to work for her now.
With her pulse pounding loudly in her ears and her breath coming out in quick, frantic pants, Queen Elsa of Arendelle continued to run as fast as her legs could carry her through the dark forest. She moved through the trees and thick foliage without so much as an inkling of which way would lead her to safety while trying desperately to avoid tripping over a protruding root, or colliding blindly into a tree.
Afraid and panicked, Elsa was running only on instinct. No ice powers, no thoughts, and no emotions other than uncontrollable fear. Running purely on that fight-or-flight instinct. Almost like coronation day, but only a hundred times more terrifying. How unbelievably foolish of her to believe then that she was running for her life. If she had the power to go back in time, she would slap that newly appointed queen across her spoiled face for not realizing sooner how wrong she had been. How truly worse things could have gone for her.
This was what it felt like to be running for your life. Mad dashing through an unknown forest without a single clue as to where safety was, on a moonless night, after miraculously escaping a pack of dangerous bandits who could notice her absence at any moment and immediately come looking for her.
Elsa's legs were screaming in protest at the sudden unrelenting strain she was putting them through. There had been no proper way for her to prepare them for the unexpected escape. She spent nearly a week doing nothing but curling up in a corner of a small dungeon cell and dreading the day when her captors finally decided to do whatever it was they planned to do with her. And admittedly, Elsa wasn't very physically inclined to begin with, other than the snowball fights she had with Anna and her practice sessions with her powers. There had also been the great freeze on Arendelle, but she didn't exactly have the prospect of pursing bandits dogging her heels to help spur her on at the time. Nobody but Anna had followed her after she had fled from her kingdom. She was a royal, a queen. She was trained to run a kingdom, not soldier through harsh conditions and physical situations that would have even someone like Kristoff huffing and puffing.
It also wasn't a comfort to know that any use of her powers would be an extremely bad idea. Not only was there the possibility of accidentally scaring off any potential help with her "witchcraft", but the bandits were aware of what she could do. Any signs of random placed ice in the snowless forest would be an obvious trail the bandits could use to track her down. It was by sheer luck that Elsa managed to escape the first time. She doubted a second attempt would be possible should this one fail.
The man posted as Elsa's cell guard that evening had been someone she was unfortunately acquainted with beforehand, not only having been present during the bandits' raid on her kingdom and her kidnapping, but also having been posted as her guard a few times before. She was able to easily distinguish him from the other foul-smelling, yellow-toothed brutes just by his disgusting voice. It made the queen want to retch every time she heard it. This particular scoundrel had made it his favorite hobby to verbally harass Elsa every chance he got.
Whenever his heavy footfalls lumbered down the rickety staircase, towards the single chair set up outside the door of Elsa's cell, she could always trust that he would sit down in that chair with a heavy grunt, always holding an unlabeled bottle tightly in his hand with a hooded gaze that would lock on Elsa's balled up form in the corner of her cell. From there, he would proceed to tell her all the disgusting, unspeakable things he would do to her if "The Boss" would let him, and he said it all with as much vivid detail as possible to make her situation even more unbearable than it was before.
The first time he was posted as her guard, which also happened to be her first night in her cell, she had been completely dumbfounded at the man's repulsive words. Being of royal blood and heir to the Arendelle throne, Elsa had obviously never been spoken to in such a vulgar manner. Needless to say, it was more than a little shocking when the man suddenly started speaking of removing her clothing and "marking up her pretty silk skin".
It lost its stun factor after the third time. She had gotten used to the abuse and learned to ignore it, much to the bandit's chagrin. Several times he attempted to remedy this by upping the sickening details, but Elsa spent her whole life shutting out people. Once his words ran their course, he was no match for her indifference. Instead of disgust being written blatantly across her face, Elsa would just bring her hands up to cover her ears and sing softly to herself as she moved her body in a way where she wouldn't have to see the thug's ugly face peering in through the cell bars.
He had never tried to act on his disgusting words, never had the courage to go against "The Boss and his orders" until the night of her escape, but even then Elsa couldn't say with a hundred percent certainty what his exact intentions were. She could only assume they meant pain and suffering for her with the way the thug stared at her with a heated look that would surely haunt the queen's nightmares for years to come. It wouldn't take a genius to guess that she was in trouble.
However, for whatever reason there was explaining why Elsa's lifelong streak of bad luck suddenly decided to give her a break, all the bottles of alcohol the thug had consumed during that night chose to hit him moments before he could turn the key. Her face curled up in disgust as she shut her eyes and covered her nose when the thug doubled over sluggishly and vomited all over the stone floor, slurring indistinctly before passing out in the pile of his own mess with the cell key still embedded in the lock.
It took several seconds for her brain to kickstart itself again, completely thrown by what happened. When it finally stopped stalling, the queen pulled herself to her feet as fast as her stiff limbs would allow, and practically dove for the cell door. She made quick work of the lock and ran out of the dungeon without a single look back.
Luck continued to be on her side when she ran up the staircase and discovered there were no other men guarding the shack-like entrance to the dungeon. After she slipped her way out of that, it was nothing but running. The dungeon appeared to be separate from the bandits' main hideout. It was too dark to see anything distinctive around her, but there was a large cabin a few yards away with bright lights and shouting voices coming from within. She chose to run in the opposite direction.
Her whole body ached painfully at the abuse she was putting it through. Her ragged breathing was wearing thin on the adrenaline that ceased to course through her veins until she was eventually forced to slow down.
"Alright, that's far enough for now." The exhausted queen panted softly to herself in her scratchy, under-used voice as she finally allowed herself to fall to her knees. There was a sharp sting in her already aching kneecaps when they hit the forest floor, but she was beyond caring. "Need to rest."
The chill that blew through the night helped cleanse the smog of despair and fear that hung over her head like Olaf's flurry cloud. The sudden release almost made her sob.
As she slowly lowered her body to the ground and curled into a ball, Elsa marveled at how long and how far she was able to push herself. Her captors spared no opportunity to keep her weakened and submissive while she was trapped in her cell. The food they served her was barely edible, the water was never clean and always had a funny smell to it, every inch of her cell was covered in grime including the ground she slept on, and she has been wearing the same dress for almost a week.
Fortunately, it was one of her more modest dresses and not anything that would "tempt" the brutish band of thugs holding her captive like, heaven forbid, her ice dress. And to think, she had almost worn it that day. If it hadn't been for the fact that the celebration being held the day of her kidnapping was her little sister's wedding, than she would have.
She curled further into herself as the dead grass and dirt around her slowly became coated with glistening frost, not even caring if the haphazard circle would later be used to track her when the bandits finally caught up. The coldness of the ice mixed with the crisp chill of the early Winter night comforted Elsa in ways she never imagined it would. Although the cold never affected her physically in any harmful way, it always served as a constant reminder of her self-isolation during those years she spent cowering behind her bedroom door.
Now, the queen reveled in the feel of it. She greedily soaked up every numbing sensation it had to offer because it felt like freedom again. Just like when she fled from her coronation ball in favor of the North mountain that would later house her ice castle, but only ten times sweeter. The openness off the air around her helped banish the claustrophobic hold that had gripped her within the rusted bars of her cell. The fresh scent of pine and dirt helped rid her senses of the sour smell of filth that caked the moldy walls of the dungeon. And the blessed coldness banished the choking humidity that blanketed the underground room, making it nearly impossible for Elsa to use her ice powers even if she wanted to.
She never tried. She never even gave the idea a second thought after the threat the lead bandit had made to her when she finally gained consciousness again after being knocked out when she was kidnapped.
Elsa hadn't been able to conjure up a decent image of the bandit leader's face due to the fact that her mind had still been sluggish after her slow climb back into the waking world, but it wouldn't have mattered much anyway. The leader had been wearing a blood red hood over his head and a matching scarf around the lower half of his face.
The hooded man's threat still rang clear as a bell.
'If I see so much as a sliver ice come from you, I will personally go back to Arendelle, slice open the throats of your sister and brother-in-law, murder every single servant in your castle, and burn your whole goddamn kingdom to the ground. Then, I'll come back and deal with you.'
She remembered every syllable the man said, every note in his unwavering voice, and the sadistic glint in his eyes that shined when he spoke of burning her kingdom down. She remembered the fear she felt for Anna and Kristoff's safety and how the bandit forced her to see the truth behind his horrifying words when he twisted his fingers into her blonde hair. He yanked painfully on it with such an unrelenting hold, Elsa thought he was going to rip the pale strands right out of her scalp. His cold, dead eyes bore into hers with complete seriousness, just daring her to test him.
If Elsa ever had more of a reason to "Conceal, don't feel", then that would most definitely be it.
The fear from the bandit leader's threat still weighed heavily on her heart. She knew her escape attempt would cost her dearly if she didn't find help soon. She needed to rest more than anything right now. There was no way she would successfully escape her captors if she kept pushing herself without stopping, no matter how much she wanted to be back home in her kingdom, with Anna.
This was not how things were supposed to go. This was not how she pictured Anna's wedding in her head, the ceremony or the aftermath. She was supposed to be standing off to the side of an altar, watching proudly as her beautiful little sister was joined together with the wonderful man she loved. The man who helped Anna on her journey and ultimately ended up saving the lives of both sisters.
How had the happy festivities diverted so tragically off course without even a single warning?
She thought back to the day before the wedding. The last time she remembered feeling relaxed and content, sharing a close moment with her sister before facing the onslaught of last-minute wedding preparations and the unexpected events that would follow.
~O~
For all the sadness and grief Elsa had ever caused her, it only seemed natural for the queen to allow Anna to wear their mother's old wedding dress on her big day.
Expectations would have had the precious garment saved for the day Elsa finally chose a king to rule by her side, but they weren't her expectations and she didn't think twice about venturing into their parent's long-empty bedroom and retrieving the dress from the back of their closet. The dazzling smile Anna gave her when Elsa revealed her surprise and presented the dress was an image the queen will never let herself forget.
"Elsa! You can't be doing what I think you're doing!"
"Oh but I am," Elsa smiled at the giddy redhead before prompting Anna to take the dress from her arms. "Go try it on. We need to make sure it fits before the ceremony tomorrow."
Anna looked down at the lacey white material of their mother's dress with unrestrained glee. Practically bouncing in place, the beaming princess snatched up the dress as gently as she could in her excitement before speeding off to the other side of her bedroom and disappearing into the closet. Elsa flinch when she heard a loud crash and a surprised yelp from within the closet.
"Be careful, Anna!" She called out. "Don't make a mess!"
"I am and I won't!" Anna called back, her voice a little muffled. "It's all good! I just knocked over some boxes!"
"Do you need any help?"
"No, no! I got it! I'll be out in a minute!"
Elsa chuckled softly when she heard another crash and a soft curse come from the closet. She took a seat on the edge of Anna's bed, waiting patiently until she came back out with the dress on. When she finally did, Anna walked slowly from the closet, staring down at the dress that graced her body and marveled the sheer beauty of it, all sheer lace and pristine silk. She looked up at her sister with tearful eyes as she tried to keep herself from whimpering.
"It's perfect."
"Yes, it is," Elsa smiled proudly, watching as the hyperactive woman quickly made her way over to her bedroom mirror to model the dress. "How does it fit?"
Anna picked up two handfuls of the dress skirt and gave Elsa a flashy twirl, causing it to flare out stunningly. The small beaded sequins carefully woven into the fabric reflected of the light in the bedroom, making the whole thing sparkle.
"Perfect! It fits like a glove!"
Elsa laced her fingers together in front her and regarded her sister with a soft look of approval. "Wonderful, we won't have to make any adjustments then."
Anna barely registered Elsa's words as she continued to watch herself in the mirror. She swished the skirt of the white dress back and forth, simply in awe at how beautiful the dress made her look and feel. Of course nobody could look more beautiful in it than their mother, but Anna felt confident enough to admit inside the privacy of own her head that she made a pretty decent runner-up. She just loved watching herself twirl in the mirror. The way the cream colored underskirt curled around her legs was utterly gorgeous and hypnotic.
Elsa looked in on the sight with deep fondness. Admittedly, she felt guilty that she wasn't completely in the moment. Her heart was, fully and truly, but her mind was a little preoccupied. It was a great relief for the queen to hear that the dress fit. She had been stressing about that for weeks now. When planning such a joyful, important event, Elsa wanted to be three steps ahead of everything so she could minimize the chances of something problematic happening, like the wedding dress not fitting the bride. But at the same time, she wanted her gift to Anna to be a last-minute surprise. She remedied this by having the royal tailor on standby outside in the hallway.
The queen made a mental note among dozens of other mental notes to inform the tailor that his services wouldn't be needed for the bride. She then made another mental note to make sure they wouldn't be needed for the groom as well, but that could wait until later.
"Thank you again for letting me wear mama's dress," Anna smiled bashfully at Elsa through the mirror, bringing the queen from her thoughts before they had a chance to veer off into endless tangents. "I know tradition says that this is supposed to be an honor meant for the eldest daughter, w-which is you of course, but-"
She held up a hand to silence her. "Forget the tradition, Anna. I'm not going to be wearing it anytime soon and you look absolutely beautiful in it."
"Thanks," Her shoulders rolled up to her ears and a light pink blush spread across the bridge of her freckled nose. "What are you going to wear?"
"The blue dress I have hanging on my wardrobe door," Elsa replied absentmindedly as she start rifling through the dress box laying on Anna's bed for the accessories that went along with the dress.
Anna knotted her brow in thought, thinking back while her sister fished out the wispy veil and sparkly tiara that went with her dress. It took her a few minutes to remember which dress she was talking about, and when she finally did her nose twisted up a little.
The dress hanging on Elsa's closet door had been remarkably plain, especially compared to her other dresses. It consisted of a black bodice and a blue skirt with silver designs on the front of her chest and bottom of the skirt. The trimming on the bodice matched the rosemaling designs and the sleeves were respectfully thin. They would hang loosely off Elsa's exposed shoulders and leave her arms bare, but it would still display a sense of modesty and tastefulness that was expected of a queen.
"But that one is so...plain," Anna trailed off. "Everybody's supposed to go all out on weddings! You have much prettier dresses than that in your wardrobe."
"Yes, more than I will ever have a chance to wear in one lifetime, but it's not my job to look stunning and radiant tomorrow. It's yours."
"But..."
"Tomorrow is your day," Elsa cut in, reminding her. "Much like the flowers and lights, I'll just be a background decoration."
Anna gasped. "Don't talk like that, Elsa! You're one of the most important people in the whole world! I could never have a wedding that didn't include you!"
She laughed, holding up a hand. "I just meant that most of the attention will be on you and Kristoff instead of me for once, so don't worry. It'll be a welcomed reprieve."
The two sisters shared a laugh. They smiled brightly at each other until Anna looked down at her dress again and let out a soft sigh.
"Well, I'm glad the wedding dress issue has been solved. I was starting to get a little worried when the tailor only started fitting Kristoff for his suit. But there's still one big problem we're overlooking though."
"Oh? And what's that?"
"If I'm wearing mama's dress on my wedding day, what are YOU going to wear on your wedding day?"
Elsa halted her search for the veil and tiara and looked up at her sister with a funny look on her face. "What am I going to what on my what day?"
"You heard what I said! Stop pretending," Anna laughed. "We can't both wear the same dress. I mean, we could do that, but that would be kinda silly. We would have to make you a brand new dress. We could make with lace and silk like mine, and make a different color. Be a little daring with it, because who's going to say no to the queen? Maybe make it a nice ice blue color with a pleated skirt and - Oh! You could make with your powers!"
Elsa let out a genuine laugh at her sister's ramblings, bringing a hand up near her mouth and letting her shoulders shake freely before stopping short when she saw Anna's face and realized she was being serious. She gave her an exasperated look and frowned. Leave it to Anna to be so hopelessly optimistic.
"Oh Anna, I don't think that's something we're ever going to have to worry about."
It was a sad thing to admit, but Elsa felt her heart go out more to the crestfallen look on Anna's face than the very likely possibility that she was fated to rule her kingdom alone. It wasn't something she spent a lot of time worrying about because she honestly didn't care. Whether she ruled alone or with a king, it didn't matter to her just as long as her kingdom was being taken care of and she was given time to properly adjust to any changes. She avoided letting things overwhelm her like the plague these days.
"Well, not with that attitude we won't!" Anna proclaimed with a huff. She put her hands on her hips and shook her head with disapproval. "You need to start thinking more positively."
"Anna..." Elsa started before letting out a sigh. "Let's not talk about this. This is your time. We deal with your problems for right now, not mine. Now turn around, let's see how this dress looks when it's correctly fastened up."
Anna reluctantly did as she was told and turned around, giving Elsa access to the ribbons that ran along the back of the dress. "So does that mean we can talk about it after the wedding?"
"No," Elsa replied, dragging the word out as she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Her hands reached up and began to work at the bindings of the dress, occasionally pulling a little harder than necessary in her annoyance. "I rather not talk about it ever, if it's all the same to you."
"But-"
"No buts."
Flinching slightly at her sister's sharp tone, Anna watched Elsa work quietly through the mirror.
"There's hope for everybody, you know."
Elsa's eyes flickered up from her task. "Excuse me?"
"If there's somebody out there for a total train wreck like me, than there's definitely someone out there for you."
"Anna, I know the whole finding one's "soul mate" is your thing, but please keep in mind it isn't for everybody, okay? I've got more important things to worry about right now than dating. Heaven knows it'll be a dark day when the Arendelle council finally brings it up."
"Oh whatever," Anna sighed wistfully, squirming when Elsa pulled a ribbon too tight. "I just love you to bits, that's all!"
"I know you do and I love you too," Elsa smiled warmly at her sister before looking back down at her hands. "Now stop fidgeting! We need to get this done!"
"Okay, okay!" Anna whined loudly before laughing. "I just want you to be happy! Is that so wrong?"
"I am happy, Anna."
She looked over her shoulder at her sister with a hopeful smile. "The happiest?"
Elsa nodded as she picked up the tiara and veil from the ground next to their feet and placed it on top of Anna's head. She adjusted the tiara until it was perfect and gently smoothed out the long veil so it flared out behind Anna. The queen then handed her sister the long, white arm sleeves that went along with the dress and waited for Anna slipped them on.
With Anna's wedding outfit more or less complete with exception of her hair and jewelry, Elsa smiled proudly again at the young bride in the mirror before reaching up and wrapping her arms around Anna's shoulders from behind in a warm hug.
"The happiest," She promised.
~O~
Elsa was pulled from her memories by a faint sound coming from behind her, far in the distance but steadily growing louder. She quickly sat up and focused all her attention on her surroundings.
At first, there was nothing. Not even the sound of the wind blowing through the bare trees. Everything was dead quiet until she heard it again. The sound of-
Dogs.
A lead ball of panic dropped in Elsa's stomach when she recognized the approaching sound of barking dogs.
'No, no, no! They've noticed that I've escaped!'
Elsa climbed stiffly to her feet and gathered up the front of her dress before breaking out into another run. Her legs screamed in protest, but she ignored them and kept pushing forward. She still had no idea where she was going. It was too dark and hopelessness clung to her skin like a disease as she ran. No matter how bleak the path ahead looked, she knew it was a thousand times better than what was waiting for her back at the bandits' hideout. She kept the terrifying thought well in mind as she continued to run with every ounce of strength still left inside her body.
It wasn't enough though, she knew that. Why wasn't it ever enough?
She could hear the dogs getting closer as she fled. She risked a quick look back and felt her panic skyrocket when she saw the faint glow of torches in the distance. The small balls of ominous lighting were drawing just as close as the barking dogs were. Elsa could feel the familiar sensation of ice dancing along her fingertips as her fear increased and she had to stifle a whimper. She prayed that she wasn't leaving behind a path of icy footsteps on the forest floor.
'No! Not now! Don't do this to me now! They'll see it and they'll know! I need to get help, I need to get home, I need to-'
Elsa let out a startled cry when the ground suddenly disappeared from underneath her feet and she found herself plummeting downwards. She felt the air leave her lungs as she barreled down a slope of loose dirt and small rocks, her body rolling over itself like a snowball rolling down a hill. For several seconds her world spun until it came to a sudden stop and she landed in a pile of dead leaves at the base of a large cluster of trees.
Battered and bruised, the young queen laid sprawled out on her back among the orange and red leaves. She coughed hard as her body struggled to recover from its fall, greedily sucking in mouthfuls of crisp air back into her aching lungs. From the top of the slope she had just fallen down, Elsa could hear the barks and howls of the dogs passing over where she lay motionless on the forest floor. She let out a soft sob of relief when the light from the torches and the shouts from the bandits passed her by too. Her sudden topple and roll through the dirt must have helped thrown the dogs off course.
She knew it wouldn't last long. Once the dogs picked up her change in direction and the bandits realized her trail had gone cold, they would backtrack.
However, despite knowing this, she couldn't find the strength within her to pick herself up and keep running. Her fall had been the final straw. She was officially spent. She couldn't move even if her life depended on it, which in this case it very well did. She probably couldn't even move if the snarling muzzles of the bandits' mutts were inches from her face.
She continued to lay on the ground, blinking slowly up at the cloudy sky and absently tracing the faint outline of the moon with her half-lidded eyes. The sounds of her pursuers faded further and further in the distance until there was nothing but the sounds of a running stream a few yards to her right, and leaves scrapping against the ground as a cold wind swept through the forest.
As Elsa laid half buried under the pile of leaves, her mind flashed back to the very beginning of this nightmare. The day of Anna and Kristoff's wedding, just after they exchanged their heartfelt vows. The bandits came out of nowhere, with absolutely no warning. The wedding ceremony was held in the garden of the kingdom instead of the church, as Anna requested only moments after being proposed to months earlier. She wanted to make the best of the good weather before Winter settled in. The bandits seemed to rain down from the top of the castle and glide unnaturally over the high hedge walls of the garden. No one was prepared for the attack and a widespread panic broke out among the guests. They had scattered like scared hens as the bandits begun their raid.
Elsa felt her heart hitch painfully in her throat when she remembered the last time she saw Anna. When the chaos broke out, the royals at the altar dashed for safety with Kristoff and Sven in the lead. They knocked back any attacking bandits that blocked their path with broad shoulders and antlers while the queen and princess trailed closely behind. They were still far off from their exit when Anna suddenly tripped over the bottom of their mother's wedding dress, her life-long clumsiness rearing its ugly head at the most inopportune moment of all time.
The leader of the bandits went straight for the queen, taking full advantage of her distracted state and cutting down any guards that got in his way. Elsa had been too focused on ushering Anna and Olaf towards the garden entrance of the kingdom to realize that someone was coming up behind her. She felt an explosion of pain erupt in the back of her skull and spots flooded her vision as she fell to the ground like a sack of bricks. She tried to move her arms and legs, but they felt heavier than lead. The last thing she remembered seeing before blacking out was the terrified face of her sister as she struggled against the hold Kristoff had around her waist, fighting like a wild animal while screaming Elsa's name and reaching out desperately with a hand that only grasped air. The ice harvester shot Elsa a helpless look as he continued to haul the struggling princess back into the safety of the castle.
Now, laying in a dark forest miles away from her home and sister, Elsa could see the familiar blackness eating away at the corners of her vision. She remembered sending a silent prayer above to whomever may be willing to listen that Anna would remain safe until Elsa found her way home again. She also prayed that the bandit leader wouldn't get the chance to make good on his promise to the ice queen.
After that, Elsa remembered nothing.