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You found him huddled up beneath one of the trees atop the hill. Red Hair Shanks, one of the most fearsome up-and-coming pirates of his generation, hid beneath the brim of his straw hat, obscuring his face from view. He knew you were there. His haki was advanced enough that he probably sensed you the moment you left the village. His body was rigid beneath his white cotton shirt, as if broadcasting his emotions for the world to hear. Still, he refused to speak.
It was awkward at first... sitting beside him on the grass without saying a word. You weren't sure if he was still upset about the fight you two had had not that long ago or if he simply wasn't ready to talk. If it were the latter, you didn't want to rush him.
Of course, not talking was what had led you to this point in the first place. The unspoken grief and sorrow surrounding the captain was potent enough to taste - a bitter air with a dash of sweetness that came from reminiscing about the past. Yet Shanks, ever the stubborn man, soldiered on as if nothing had happened. He flooded the feelings away with drink after drink and forced others to humor him by lashing out verbally anytime someone had the guts to speak to him.
Luffy had been his biggest punching bag in this regard. The little boy knew better than to address the elephant in the room, but his constant nagging and pleading to become a member of the crew wore through the thin threads of patience Shanks had left. Meanwhile, you'd had enough. Things started simple enough. Once alone, you encouraged him to open up about his struggles, to let you share the burden he was carrying. That only resulted in denial though. Words escalated, growing louder and louder from both sides until Beckman finally arrived and intervened.
"Go clear your heads and give each other some space. You're causing a scene and scaring the kid." Neither of you realized that a small crowd had gathered around you, with most of the officers staring on helplessly as Yasopp led Luffy back to Party's Bar. You felt ashamed to see confusion and concern etched deep into the boy's expression.
Now that hours had passed and you'd had time to think things through, it was time to settle matters face-to-face.
"Shanks?" He didn't respond, choosing to hang his head low between his knees. You sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. "I'm sorry," you continued. "I shouldn't have pushed you so much. It was wrong. I've just been so worried about you and wanted to let you know that you could be vulnerable with me - with all of us. If it would be easier to talk to Beck or Makino or whoever else, I won't be offended. As long as you know that you don't have to face this alone, I'll be happy."
Still no answer.
Alright then. Time to face some of those revelations you found while pouting at the wall.
You took a shakey breath, nerves vibrating wildly.
"I've been thinking a lot," you said. "While we were taking a break, I kept thinking about how I've reacted to things in the past. I don't know if I was hoping to feel like the bigger person or if I was looking for some kind of common ground, but it made me realize that there's been plenty of times where I have buried my feelings... a lot more than I'd like to admit, actually."
You couldn't help your fidgeting as you continued. "Even now, when I've been part of the crew for years, I find myself stuffing thoughts down, never letting others see me hurting. At first, I wrote it off as not wanting to bring the others down, but the more I dwelled on it, the more I realized that that was just a convenient excuse.
Even when we weren't partying, I'd keep everything in. I kept trying to explain it. 'He's tired. I'll wait until morning.' or 'They're busy with their own responsibilities. It'd be selfish to pile more on top of their own stress.' But that's just it, huh? At the end of the day, it never was about the people on the outside. It was about me."
On reflex, you tried to hide the trembling in your hands. It took a concentrated effort to keep them visible on your lap.
"When I really dug down, it became so obvious. I never allowed myself an outlet for my pain because, on some twisted level, I felt like I deserved it. I kept myself from being human because I viewed myself as something beneath everyone else. Only 'good' people get to talk. Otherwise, my job is to not be a burden. To take care of others before myself... and let me tell you, that epiphany hurts worse than anything else I've experienced. To think that all those years, when I felt alone and at my lowest, the only thing keeping me in the dark was me. I could have been living my life to the fullest, but instead, I tried to make myself miserable."
Now there was no masking the choked up croak to your voice. In your peripheral, you thought you caught a glimpse of Shanks shifting.
"What's worse, I have no idea how to stop it. I trust our friends with my life. They're family. It doesn't make it any sense. I shouldn't have this much trouble being honest with them, but here we are. I want it to stop! If I'm the one putting a wall between us, then I'll tear it down. Brick by brick, I'll chip away at it until I can see the other side. A side where I love myself enough to be loved by the ones who care.
I'm sure it won't be a straight forward path. I'll probably mess up more times than not, but at least I'll be trying." For the first time since sitting down, you turned to look at Shanks. His big, brown eyes were glassy and tinged from red. The look on his face was one of stunned disbelief, of sudden understanding. "I deserve to be happy and heard," you said finally. "And so do you."
It was like those few words were the final blow. The dam he'd been protecting so viciously suddenly came crashing down, allowing every pent up emotion to come flooding out. Shanks' breathing hitched and the tears flowed freely. His arms wrapped around you tight while his face buried itself into your shoulder.
You hugged him back, letting a few of your own tears roll down your cheeks. Your ribs complained slightly, but you wouldn't let go.
Shanks swallowed roughly and sniffled. "Y/n," he whimpered, "I don't know if I'm strong enough. It feels like it'll suffocate me if I face it. Acknowledging that... it makes it feel all too real, but that doesn't mean you or any of our family should endure these mood swings. I'm sorry too, for everything I said. You mean so much to us and will always be enough, no matter the storms you face."
When he pulled back, a bit of the hope that defined his spirit had returned. Shanks took a couple deep breaths to calm down and rubbed away both of your respective tears with his sleeves. His wobbly smile felt like sunshine to you. "I need to go apologize to Luffy too. Mind walking back with me? I could really use the company."
It creeped up on you. Laughter broken up by lingering sniffles and coughs fluttered out. "It would be my pleasure."
Your legs were tingling when you stood, but with your arm intertwined with Shanks', it felt like you could float on the clouds. For the first time truly, the chains around your chest were weightless.