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When did her sadness start? How long had she endured so much, unable to speak her feelings to even her closest friends?
She wasn't always like that. She would speak her mind always: at Beacon, at Mistral, at Atlas… I don't know a time where she filtered herself. And at times, I wished she did. Believe me.
But her cries for help earlier this morning. Her begs and pleas to be heard for once. That's a feeling I know all too well.
When had she created a mask? The perfect mask? It couldn't have been recent. It must have been building up for years. And she must have told herself she could handle it. She must have told herself she was fine, when the bottle would soon overflow and break. When did it start?
Ruby…
After the cat ( Neo? ) left, my eyes refused to leave that spot. Where the leaves and the vines grew. Where she drank the tea with the tree's leaf. Where she fell lifeless.
Lifeless…
I couldn't hear, but I bet Yang was sobbing and Blake was trying to keep herself together for herself and for Yang. Jaune, grief-stricken, could be on the ground again with Juniper comforting him.
And me? I had no one but myself to keep me up. The one always there for me. The one to make me feel better when times got too tough… she was taken from me. Taken by my own ignorance and obliviousness to her pain. A pain I should have known to spot faster.
My knees wobbled with fear and lack of strength, but I had to continue standing. I can't lose composure, no matter how difficult it was to turn away.
She needs me. She's my partner.
She needed me to be strong. She needed me to stand in her place.
She needed me to listen…
She needed me to be there when she was too weak to stand…
She needed me… right?
Had she wanted me to stop her? Had she wanted someone to stop her? I can't place blame on anyone here. She had been too far gone when we arrived, but I could have stopped her.
I could have told her I was here for her. But how would she had internalized it? Would it be confirmation that she wasn't being seen by us? Would she have thought I needed her for me? Would it have been selfish for me?
She's had to make tougher calls than this, and I struggled to find an answer to something like this.
As her partner, I had to step up. I have to see this through for her.
I have to repay her for everything. She gave me a purpose to smile. She gave me the strength to stand up and fight against my father time and time again. She gave me a reason to believe we could survive, fight, and win this battle.
She gave me a reason to love myself again.
And she didn't… she doesn't have to be anyone other than Ruby Rose, an idealistic woman with a lot of weight and burden on her shoulders. And I need to tell her I can carry it with her.
I would take it all if she wanted me to. I would bear her burdens, make the choices she would have made, and make sure no one else died.
Because that's how she was.
So, get going, Schnee.
Ruby will be fine… right… she didn't die?
Get going, Schnee.