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When Sam proposed, Mercedes swore to herself that she was not going to be a Bridezilla. No crazy demands, no insane dress hoping, no ugly bridesmaid dresses so only she shined. She wanted a beautiful wedding in a beautiful church because she waited too long for this day. She waited too long for her and Sam to be in the same place both literally and metaphorically for almost ten damn years. And she was not gonna let anything down. She stayed prayed up, used her resources to take some of the stress off and she was goddamn enjoy this time if she had to kill everyone she knows to do it.
Her Mom was easy. She let her Mom handle the church choir that would sing her and Sam down the aisle. Her Dad and Brother wanted to help find the DJ for the reception, she was fine as long as they made time for her and Sam and their friends to sing. She let Kurt design her dress after the stylist she originally hired passive aggressively suggested she lose weight for the big day. She was choosing the cake, and the venue was the church she took Sam to in New York.
The wedding parties were easy. Rachel was her Matron of Honor, and Santana, Brittany, Tesla and Kurt as her party and Blaine was Sam's best man with Mike, Puck, Artie, Ryder and Mr. Schue standing with Sam.
By the grace of God, this wedding was coming together. Her only real annoyance were her friends. It's bad enough that Rachel and Santana kept trying to get her to buy skanky underwear for the wedding night (isn't nudity the point? Why does she need underwear?). And Rachel keeps asking if she's nervous about the wedding night, which only brings up memories of Finn, leaving both of them in tears. Santana keeps trying to take her to get a Brazilian wax and Tina wants to plan a bachelorette party. But the friends that are really getting on her last nerve are the two she knows are really only trying to help and not get a rise out of her.
It's their old married friends, the ones who got married so young that they were damn near to their 10th anniversary that were driving her crazy with their unsolicited advice.
Mercedes loves Kurt and Blaine, and sometimes she has some questions about how much Sam loved Blaine, but damn if they were driving them up the wall.
"Trust us guys, the honeymoon period is fun, trust us, but that first married fight is going to shake you. Be prepared for it."
That came from Kurt.
"I'm not saying we never fell into a rut. It's so important to keep things fresh. Sam, I think you'll love roleplaying. You could try out new accents, if you're into that, Mercedes. Or fictional characters. There's so many ways to incorporate what you love in the bedroom."
That little nugget came from Blaine.
It all started at the engagement party, things were winding down, as they do when it's the end of the party and only family and close friends are left.
Sam and Mercedes settle on the sofa in the house Mercedes bought for her parents. Blaine, Kurt, Rachel and Jesse join them.
"I'm so excited for you guys! And it's about time, you have been dancing around each other since 11th grade!" Rachel says excitedly, "I can't wait for you to start planning!"
"Whoa, slow down Rachel. I just want to enjoy being engaged for awhile. We haven't even set a date yet."
"Yeah, we've gotta figure out this whole living in Ohio thing because my girl is super famous."
"What are you guys gonna do about that, because aren't you mostly LA based?" Jesse asks.
"Well, I'm at a point where I can work on my music on my schedule, so I'll mostly live here in Ohio with Sam, but we'll probably move out of Lima. And during breaks, We'll live in LA."
"You guys have probably been planning this forever. I love how you have that all worked out," Kurt says with a smirk.
"But..." Rachel says knowingly.
"Yeah, you totally have but face!" Sam says, when Kurt raises that eyebrow, he continues, "like there's a huge but that you don't wanna say."
"Yeah, you guys are our resident old married couple, any wisdom?"
Kurt looks over to Blaine, who smiles knowingly at him.
"I was just gonna say, that no matter how you plan these things, they just don't work out. Blaine and I thought we had everything figured out. That first year you find out how very wrong that is."
"He's not wrong, Rachel and I fought alot in our first year."
"But let's be honest Jesse, those fights are really good foreplay."
Mercedes and Sam exchange a look, but their friends continue.
"Fights really do lead to the best sex. You guys will start picking fights just for the makeup sex," Blaine says putting an arm around Kurt.
"But then you'll mistake real fights for fake sexy fights. That's less fun." Jesse says kissing Rachel's temple.
"Wow, okay, subject change please," Sam says, uncomfortable.
"Seriously. I know way more than I needed."
"We're just trying to prepare you."
And that's how it started. Everyday she woke up to a text from Blaine, linking to some article about newlyweds and marriage.
Every time she met with Kurt to work on her dress, the subject turned to marriage.
"I mean, you just find yourself liking things you never thought you'd like. I have actually played that shooting game online with Blaine and Artie and Sam, and I'm pretty good at it. And Blaine wore a brooch. I'm telling you, five years from now, you'll be doing impressions and Sam will will be assigning Glee club a week of gospel music." Kurt says with a laugh. Mercedes just rolls smiled and nods and changed the subject.
It's not that she doesn't appreciate how much they care, it's just... They're so smirky and cocky about it, it's driving her crazy. And Sam too.
She brings it up to him one night after a couple hours of PG-13 making out on Sam's couch.
"Oh my god, I thought it was just me!" Sam says when she mentions it, "I love the guy, but damn, he is driving me crazy all like "I've been married for a thousand years, I'm so wise and smart and there's so much to learn, Sam. And Kurt is a wonderful husband, Sam, and you have to learn to understand what Mercedes needs when she doesn't say it, Sam," he says in a spot on Blaine impression. "For once I really wished he'd just tell me about their sex life instead."
Mercedes sighs. Just a few more weeks and it will all be over.
The cake tasting was the last straw. Mercedes had been up since 5 on a conference call with her manager who was calling her from London. Then she had to go to the church to meet with the pastor who was officiating. Then she had to meet with the florist and she was late to the cake tasting because of a last minute phone call from a cousin who was pissed that she didn't get a plus one.
Basically, she was not in the mood. Today was NOT the day and she was NOT the one.
It was such an innocent comment, she felt bad as soon as it happened, and she knows the Lord was testing her. But she failed. Her last nerve was worked.
They were tasting the cakes, Mercedes invited Kurt and Rachel because Kurt knew everything there was about cake, and Rachel was her matron of honor, she had to be there.
"I just can't take much more of this. Why didn't we just elope like you and Jesse?" Mercedes takes another bite of cake before passing the plate to Rachel.
"You're a Grammy award winner, you could have had your choice of wedding planners!" Rachel says before closing her eyes and moaning when she takes a bite of cake.
"Because wedding planning is rewarding and you get to have all these memories! It's amazing!" Kurt says.
"What do you know about it, not like you planned your wedding. You haven't even been through this so could you please kill the know it all routine, please." Mercedes says, she catches Kurt and Rachel exchanging a surprised look before she storms out. She knows she's acting crazy. She knows Kurt was only trying to help, that's all they wanted to do is help
She shakes her head at herself and sits down on the bench right outside the bakery. She looks down at her phone and considers calling Sam when Kurt clears his throat.
"Is this seat taken?"
Mercedes sighs and nods and Kurt sits down next to her.
"Wanna tell me what that was about?"
"Not particularly."
"Ms. Jones, I know you. So just tell me what I did. I've come to realize over the years that I can be quite flawed. Don't tell anyone I told you that."
Mercedes smiles and Kurt bumps shoulders with her playfully.
"I love you, Kurt. And I love Blaine. You guys are brothers to me and Sam. And I am so happy that you guys have been so happily married. But you gotta stop with the advice. Getting married is intimidating enough as it is."
Kurt deflates. "Oh my God, I knew we were adding to your stress, but Rachel said she wished we'd told her some of what we learned being married and I didn't want to make the same mistake. Mercedes, we are so much better than we were, but being married is so hard and it's so scary, Mercedes. I don't regret getting married when we did. But you're so lucky to have had this time to let it sink in. I just want you and Sam to be prepared. The first year was amazing, but it was hard. And there were times that I didn't know if we were going to make it. You're gonna be with Sam for the rest of your life. Let that sink in."
"It has sunk in. It's been sinking in. And I agree, I am terrified. But I'm not terrified of being with Sam. Part of me has known it was going to be Sam since I was 19. I know Sam and I will disagree. I'm afraid that by waiting to have sex with him, I'm putting a lot of pressure on that first night. The thing is, my fears are not about those little everyday fights. We had them when we lived together. After we got engaged, we had a counseling session with my pastor and we talked about those fears. That's not the scary part." Mercedes says, trying to find the words to describe what has been eating at her since the engagement party.
"So what scares you?"
"You and Blaine are both in the same career. Rachel and Jesse are both in the same career. Will and Emma are in the same career. I have no clue how Santana and Brittany make a living, but I have a feeling they do it together. Sam is a teacher. He goes to work at the same time everyday and gets home at the same time everyday. And I don't. My job will take me away from him for months. It will give him attention he didn't ask for. It will put a spotlight on everything we do together. You remember how modeling was too much pressure for him. What if my career is too much. Sam likes simple and quiet. Being married to me will be anything but."
"You think Sam hasn't thought of that? Because he has the same fears. Trust me. But you guys have worked out a compromise and if that stops working, you'll work it out. I have faith in you guys. And I am so sorry if Blaine and I put undue pressure on you. We just really want you to be happy. And to avoid our mistakes. Which you will because neither of you are as stubborn as Blaine or myself."
"Does it get any less scary?"
"For awhile. And then you have a baby and that's a whole new level of sheer terror. We'll cross that bridge when you get to it."
"Oh great."
"It is. And you and Sam's kid is going to be gorgeous. The lips alone, people inject a lot of shit into their face to get lips like your kid is gonna have."
"Boy stop.”
“Let's get inside before Rachel eats all the cakes."
"Are we sure she's not pregnant? Because when she tried on her dress, her tatas were popping out. They looked like Santana's!"
Kurt smiles, taking Mercedes' hand, "I know! Blaine and I were just talking about that. When she carried our little feta, her boobs grew two sizes before she was even showing. I definitely think she's pregnant," Kurt laughs, shaking his head, "Rachel really has changed. Fifteen years ago, she would have LOVED having this to announce during your wedding. Just for the drama. I have a feeling she won't tell us until after. Our crazy little Rachel is all grown up."
"We all are. We’rein our 30’s, Kurt."
"Shh. We don't talk about that."