call my bluff, call you babe

It’s not like he didn’t try. In his defence he did try. He has been trying for years.
He has been trying for years to suffocate his feelings, to fight his emotions, to push down his want. Because Eddie is his best friend and he’s not gonna put that at risk by voicing his love, cause that what it is. The knowing he has my back and I have his back every day and Buck, Buck just can’t put that certainty at risk.
But then, then, Eddie showed up in a blue suit and a turtleneck that dared him to lower it and leave a trail of kisses on his neck.
Then, Eddie showed him, his new abilities not him he has to remember, off.
Then, Eddie made him aware that he knows by heart how many seconds Buck was dead like he was counting and feeling every single moment his partner’s heart was still.
And that, all together, was what made the walls crumble.
Or maybe it was just the beers and the growing excitement caused by sliding his wins toward his chest followed by Eddie’s soft laughs.
But if the addends are uncertain, the result isn’t, it’s the very opposite. It’s clear and loud and on the table for everyone to see.

“Knew it was a bluff, babe. You think you have a poker face, but you just don’t”.

And as he turns to front him expecting him to wear a pretending-to-be-insulted-face, Buck feels his smile dying off cause he’s facing, well, he really doesn’t know what since he can’t read Eddie’s expression which is strange to say at least.
Because Buck can read Eddie like the children books written in cubital letters he used to read at Christopher, he knows what his partner is feeling by his shoulders position and the wrinkles between his eyes. He spends so much time with, and watching, him that not knowing what Eddie’s feeling is putting him off. It’s a new sensation that he never ever thought would feel and, and then, his brain catches up with his mouth and oh, oh fuck.
Knew it was a bluff, babe. Babe. He called Eddie babe. He called Eddie babe and, if that was not already enough, he did it in front of other people. And for fuck’s sake, the universe has to be messing with him, getting him back for exploiting his new abilities cause he’s been careful all this time, slaloming between near death calls and living room nights, he can’t put his head around the fact that it’s a chill poker night that screws him up. Eddie’s voice cuts whatever words were forming in Buck’s mind.

“Well, uhm okay, I think that’s my cue to call it a night. Can’t really keep up with this streak of winning, can I?”

And just like that the chair next to Buck is empty and before he can say something, cards are already hand out and his mind backwashed in the game. But winning tastes different when Eddie isn’t at his side, knee by knee and feet bumping as a silent cheer but five feet apart, hands in pockets and a tight smile. And Eddie may have not said anything before, smoothly sliding out from the game and acting like Buck’s comment didn’t happen as if the babe didn’t come out from Buck’s mouth. But it did and now it’s hanging somewhere in the air, stretching and weighting the space between them till Buck just can’t take it anymore. He can feel the room compress around him, muffling all the noise but a firm ringing and he has to get up, blurting out a quick “sorry, bathroom break”.

He fucked up, he fucked up, he fucked up like he always does. And know Eddie is drifting apart, he will distance himself from Buck, all because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He somehow manages to find the bathroom and crawl near the sink unbuttoning his shirt, trying to fill his lung with air. But with every breath, the still-hanging-babe enters his body and with that the awareness of what it triggered, and Buck, Buck really can’t keep breathing.

“Hey, hey easy there cowboy. Breathe with me. C’mon, look at me”.

He hasn’t heard Eddie coming in, he didn’t see him kneeling down until he felt his hand on his shoulder steadying him, his voice on dispatch mode guiding Buck into regaining control of his body. Things slowly come back into focus and Eddie is there, is here, he’s still here and he called him-

“Cowboy. You, you already called me that didn’t you? Before…” before going up that ladder, before a lighting almost killed me. But the words fade out, he doesn’t have the courage so he keeps them unvoiced cause what a few more words hanging up in the air between them gonna do. Eddie smiles at him, brushing the remaining concern off his eyes and looks at Buck, tilting his head in a challenge.

“And you called me babe, so what?”

“Eddie, I-“ but as he stumbles trying to figure out what to say, he realizes that not only Eddie’s hand hasn’t moved from his shoulder, but Eddie’s thumb is caressing the naked skin of his neck. And this time, this time, he can feel his barriers disintegrates, he does not even try to keep the bricks together, he lets them fall apart one by one under Eddie’s touch and he dares.
He smirkes back, mirroring Eddie’s positions so their faces are mere inches apart. He dares and place his hand on Eddie’s shoulder pulling him closer so they’re just a breath away. He dares taking the babe back from the air and he say it again, “Eddie, babe”, whispering it just for him to hear this time. And this time, Eddie doesn’t get up putting distance between them. No, he closes it. He seals it with his lips first and then his tongue. And it’s everything.