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gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
GG: soooo we just got a pretty interesting phone call!
GG: wanna explain yourself??
CG: FIRST OF ALL, IT WASN'T MY FUCKING FAULT.
GG: the person on the phone sure thought it was!
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE THE WHOLE STORY!
GG: oh then please go ahead and tell me the story dunkass!!
CG: I FUCKING WILL!
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
TT: I hear that you owe a charming small town diner a new set of curtains.
GA: In My Defense They Were Hideous
TT: That's not a very good reason to go at them with a chainsaw.
GA: Well In Fairness Thats Not Actually Why The Chainsaw Was Out
GA: That Was Because Of Eridan
TT: Oh?
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]
TG: if i have to bail you out of jail what exactly do you owe me
TG: because im for sure gonna cash in i just gotta know the parameters
TG: im thinking something like a palace made of the gold tears of everyone ive ever beat in a rap battle
TG: except the sweaty dude he can keep literally all his body fluid to his goddamn self
GC: F1RST OF 4LL, 1 4GR33 4BOUT 3QU1US
GC: BUT MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY YOU W1LL B3 R3C31V1NG NO F4VORS
TG: aw why not
GC: B3C4US3 W3 4R3 NOT IN J41L 4SSHOL3
TG: damn the waiter crying in the background of that phone call is gonna be pretty bummed
TG: where the fuck are you guys then
TG: also what the shit did you do
GC: TH1S 1S 4LL VR1SK4'S F4ULT
TG: oh here we go
ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]
EB: hey vriska!
EB: pretty sure you're busy right now but i've got just one super quick question...
EB: why the fuck did you set a diner table on fire?
AG: That is a gross misrepresentation of the facts John!
EB: so you didn't set a table on fire?
AG: Okay, I did TECHNICALLY set a ta8le on fire.
AG: 8ut it was for the gr8er good!!!!!!!!
EB: uh huh.
CG: AND THEN TEREZI GRABBED A THIRD KETCHUP BOTTLE, WHICH I FELT WAS PRETTY UNNECESSARY. SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY KETCHUP BOTTLES CAN ONE TROLL NEED?
CG: WHICH IS WHAT VRISKA SAID, AND THAT WAS DEFINITELY A MISTAKE.
GG: this is suspiciously missing the part where you all got kicked out
CG: I'M GETTING THERE!
GG: get there faster!!!
GA: I Do Not Know Why Eridan Decided To Go To Bat About The Ketchup Situation
GA: Maybe He Thought Agreeing With Vriska Would Make Her Like Him
GA: I Dont Know His Tortured Psyche Is Really Beyond My Reach
TT: That seems for the best.
TT: Still, I don't know that it warrants a chainsaw.
GA: Oh No The Chainsaw Part Was Much Later
GC: SO VR1SK4 T3LLS 3R1D4N TO FUCK OFF, WHICH 1 W1LL 4DM1T 1S 4LW4YS FUNNY
TG: yeah youd think itd get old after the seventy-third time in a day but i still crack up everytime someone tells him to shove a fish in his gills
GC: 3X4CTLY! CL4SS1C COM3DY. SOLLUX R34LLY C4NNOT B3 BL4M3D FOR L4UGH1NG.
TG: uh oh
TG: i think i see where this is going and it aint good
GC: Y34H, 3R1D4N D1D NOT APPR3C14T3 TH3 4UD13NC3.
AG: 8ut I still think Feferi put him in his pl8ce and we should've just left it at that!
EB: i'm guessing it wasn't left at that?
AG: Nope! Sollux just haaaaaaaad to keep arguing, which opened up the door for Eridan to say some dum8 shit about rust8loods.
AG: Which like, whatever, it's not original but can't we all just move on already????????
EB: well i do not think it is unfair if some of the trolls are upset about that kind of thing.
AG: Still didn't have to let Tavros lead the charge!
CG: I'LL SAY THIS: HE LASTED LONGER THAN I WOULD'VE GUESSED. APPARENTLY HIS IMAGINARY CONFIDENCE FAIRIES ARE DOING SOME GOOD.
CG: BUT EVEN "BETTER THAN USUAL TAVROS" CAN ONLY HOLD UP FOR SO LONG AGAINST VRISKA *AND* ERIDAN.
CG: SO ARADIA STEPPED IN, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD PUT A PRETTY CLEAN END TO THE WHOLE THING.
CG: BUT THEN EQUIUS DECIDED TO SHOOT HIS SWEATY, GROSS SHOT AND ARGUE WITH HIS EX IN THE MIDDLE OF A PUBLIC SPACE, LIKE THE PICTURE OF DECORUM HE ALWAYS IS!
GG: oh yikes that never goes well for him :/
CG: IT SURE DOESN'T! AND THIS TIME WAS NO DIFFERENT.
CG: WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I WASN'T LISTENING SUPER CLOSELY, BUT I GUESS HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT JUGGALOS.
GG: he looped gamzee in on this trainwreck???
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY, HE MAKES BAD DECISIONS!
GA: Of Course Even Then It Still Couldve Deescalated If Someone Had Just Shut Equius Up
GA: But The One Person We Can Usually Rely On To Do That Was
GA: Um
GA: Well The Kindest Way I Can Put It Is That She Disagreed With Him
TT: I'm sure she expressed her disagreement in a perfectly calm and reasonable manner.
GA: I Know Thats Probably Sarcasm But Just In Case I Want To Make It Very Clear That She Did Not Do That
TT: Yes, I gathered.
GC: SO NOW W3 H4V3 N3P3T4 4ND 3QU1US F1GHT1NG *WH1L3* 3QU1US 1S 4RGU1NG W1TH 4R4D14
GC: SOLLUX 4ND 3R1D4N 4R3 ST1LL 4T 34CH OTH3R'S THRO4TS 4ND F3F3R1 1S ST4RT1NG TO CH33R TH3M ON
TG: helpful of her
GC: BUT TH4T'S TH3 L34ST OF MY PROBL3MS B3C4US3 G4MZ33 1S ST4RT1NG TO LOOK TW1TCHY
TG: shit
AG: And I figure oh good, Terezi can take care of Gamzee while I take care of wimpy little Tavros who's trying to sink down into his seat like he doesn't exist 8ecause 8eing stuck 8etween Aradia while she's leaning over the ta8le to strangle Equius AND Sollux while he's getting ready to fistfight Eridan is scary or something.
AG: Really I was just trying to 8e nice!
EB: by setting the table on fire?
AG: It was a distr8ction, duh!
EB: but wasn't tavros still at the table?
AG: That's not MY fault!!!!!!!!
CG: I GUESS KANAYA DIDN'T THINK THAT FEFERI WAS WRANGLING THE SOLLUX-ERIDAN FIGHT WELL ENOUGH, WHICH TO BE FAIR, SHE ABSOLUTELY WASN'T. AND ERIDAN *WAS* LOOKING PRETTY SHIFTY, SO I CAN'T BLAME HER FOR WANTING TO TAKE CARE OF THE SITUATION.
CG: STILL, I MAINTAIN THAT A CHAINSAW ISN'T A GREAT TOOL FOR ENCOURAGING A CALM ATMOSPHERE.
GG: i cant disagree with you there
GG: how did you get dragged in then? it sounds like you actually did stay out of it for the most part
CG: I CERTAINLY TRIED TO!
CG: BUT RIGHT AFTER KANAYA DECIDED TO "HELP", THE HUMAN WAITER CAME BACK AROUND.
GG: oh thats not a safe environment to be in
CG: EXACTLY!
GA: I Really Do Think Karkat Was Trying To Warn Him Not To Enter An Assuredly Dangerous Environment
GA: But Leaping On Top Of The Table And Shouting Is Not Often A Clear Communication Method
TT: The table which was on fire at this point, yes?
GA: Yes That Was Also An Issue
GC: 1N K4N4Y4'S D3F3NC3, SH3 D1D TRY TO PULL THE CH41NS4W OUT OF THE W4Y WH3N SH3 NOT1C3D THE HUM4N W41T3R.
GC: BUT TH4T JUST M34NT 1T GOT T4NGL3D 1N TH3 CURT41NS 1NST34D.
GC: 1 D1DN'T NOT1C3 TH4T 1N TH3 MOM3NT B3C4US3 1 W4S...
GC: ...D1ST4CT3D. >B)
TG: dont think using sbahj words is gonna get you out of this pyrope
TG: the manager already told us what you did
GC: 1 THOUGHT 4 SL33P3R HOLD WOULD WORK!
TG: have you ever done a sleeper hold before
GC: 1 F41L TO S33 HOW TH4T 1S R3L3V4NT.
AG: Apparently seeing someone get choked out while five to six other people are fighting *and* someone else is shouting on a table that's on fire is grounds to kick the whole party out of the diner.
AG: Even though we were paying customers!!!!!!!!
AG: So really, we were all the victims here, if you think about it.
EB: you know what?
EB: that is probably the most group-inclusive thing i have ever heard you say.
EB: so i am going to let you have this one.
AG: Hey! What's that supposed to mean????????
GG: okay
GG: i still think there was probably a calmer way to handle things than jumping on top of the table and yelling a whole bunch
GG: but i understand that you are working with a limited skillset
CG: HEY, FUCK OFF! I DID MY BEST!
GG: and the diner was more concerned about getting the damages paid for
GG: which im sure all of you will do
GG: or else!!
CG: IS THAT A THREAT?
GG: yes!!!
CG: FAIR ENOUGH.
GG: but where did you all end up going??
CG: UH
CG: WELL...
CG: YOU KNOW HOW THE FOUR OF YOU SAID YOU WANTED SOME HUMAN ALONE TIME TO BOND AS FRIENDS WITHOUT ALL OF US GETTING IN THE WAY?
GG: its just regular alone time but yes
GG: wait are you all outside right now??
CG: ...NOT IF YOU DON'T LOOK OUT A WINDOW?
GG: uuuggghhh you guys are the worst!
CG: OH TRUST ME.
CG: WE KNOW.