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"Just put it away and we'll save the next one," Now that was unneeded, out of all the things Buck could have said to him in that moment about the kids they had lost in the Hospital, it just had to be that.
Eddie had already been struggling for breath but that just made it worse, granted he hadn't exactly properly explained his panic attacks to Buck, but come on why on earth would you say that to anyone ever, it'd be like saying too a dead kids parents, "I'm sorry your kids dead but you can just have another,".
He should probably find a way to keep Buck away from the kids parents to be honest, but he didn't have it in him to give two fucks at the moment as he was too focused on trying to breath and that wasn't even going well.
The uniform was too constricting on his lungs. It was it too heavy, like it was weighing him down. He felt like the fabric was cutting into his skin, it wasn't he'd checked, but it still felt like millions of ants were running all over him, digging their stupid claws into his skin, burrowing more likely. He was overheating from the uniform. The itching of said uniform was driving him insane as well as the tightening of his chest as his breathing began to turn into hyperventilating.
Every part of Eddie wanted to rip it off and collapse onto the floor in his sweats and his very much sweated through shirt, he couldn't though; not here; not now; and certainty not with the 118 just round the corner. He was struggling, not just with breathing but keeping all his emotions at bay.
Eyes watering he flicked his gaze over to were Buck had walked over too, praying to all the gods out there that the man wasn't just standing there watching, Buck wasn't but it was like he summoned him. Buck came practically bounding round the corner seconds later, unknowingly forcing Eddie to let go of his chest as to seem completely fine even thought he knew that was going to make breathing ten times more difficult, he was practically wheezing now Buck was gonna think he was dying, to be fare he felt like he was.
** I'm Lazy i'm Not writing out the talking part of the kids being alive.
Turns out the Kid had read the door name backwards, both of them were still alive. The same couldn't of been said for Eddie's lungs as him and Buck sprinted back into the building and all the way up to the fifth floor via the stairs, yes he knew the reason for not being able to use elevators in a fire but it didn't stop him for wanting to scream at the top of his lungs with each floor they ran up. Granted he wouldn't of been able to even if it was appropriate to scream at that moment due to the fact he felt like he had no lungs.
They were at the top of the stairs now Buck was breaking the door down whilst Eddie chose to white knuckle the railing trying to gain the littlest composure and access to his lungs again, it wasn't working in the slightest. The next thing he was aware of was that Buck had got the door down and was now yelling his name and to move.
"Eddie! What the fuck are you doing, we need to move!"
He was snapped out of his panicked state for a moment, long enough not to have been startled by the sound of the door being practically thrown off it hinges, he mentally thanked Buck for that. The further they got down that corridor the harder it got to breath; what if the kids had died on the way up; what if the way in was impossible to reach due to flames, his brain was taking the piss now; what if Chris was in there ; what if the kids died on the way out; or on the way to the hospital; what if Buck got hurt, what if-.
"EDDIE!" Bucks voice rung through his head, snapping him out of his panic induced "what if's" He was swaying on his feet; he couldn't breath at all now; was it the smoke or his time bomb of a panic attack, probably both. Buck was staring at him like he had three heads, Eddie did try to speak but all he could manage was opening his mouth and shutting it multiple times, he was pretty sure he looked like a fish. Buck gestured towards the door, Eddie couldn't have opened if he tried, he felt like he was gonna collapse into a blurry mess on the floor or just pass out.
Buck shoved past him and opened the door yelling the kids names, Eddie could hear them crying, he had to be confident for them; make them think they were gonna be ok, even if his brain was screaming that they were all about to die. Buck was trying to comfort them, Eddie thought it sounded like Buck was talking pure gibberish but then his brain wasn't exactly functioning currently. He didn't know how he managed it but he composed himself enough to help Buck get the kids out of the building, they were safe outside the building. Unfortunately it didn't mean he could breath yet though.
Bobby had gotten the doctors in surgery out of the hospital from what he'd heard, he hadn't heard much. The moment him and Buck had gotten the kids too their parents and then paramedics, he'd done his best to disappear without Buck noticing so he could finish this hell of a panic attack. He'd found a picnic bench and sat down before hiding his face in his elbow and grasping onto his uniform by his chest tightly to relive at least a little bit of pressure on his lungs, because his wheezing had turned to gasping for air and he was sitting there trying his best not to pass out or burst into tears, his hand gripped the one on his uniform tightly trying to stop himself from bawling. There was no way it was working.
It didn't work he was sobbing into his arm, it made his breathing situation worse as each breath was now hitching on itself making his head fuzzy and he was practically holding his breath throughout each breath very much unwillingly. His brain was on a hyperdrive self destructive mode and neither him or the brain could have been enjoy this.
A hand gently landed on his back, he flinched hard, his arm being thrown out to hit whatever had just touched him. Jerking his head abruptly upwards making it spin more by accident. His arm made contact with the assailants nose with a loud whack.
"Ow, what the fuck?" , of course it was Buck, he grabbed Eddie's arm quickly and gently before placing it back on the table where it had just been and started rubbing his hand up and down Eddie's back in an effort to ground the poor man as his meltdown continued infront of him.
"What wrong?" It was a stupid question Eddie thought ; those kids had almost died, they almost died. The one sentence Eddie managed to get out was a repeat of what Buck had said earlier to him but he didn't give a hoot at the moment in time, something had to come off his chest or he was going to suffocate.
"We'll save the next one," He managed to scoff before dropping his head back on his arm and going back to clutching his shirt whilst try to stop hyperventilating, he wanted to keep his head up so he could scream or at least glare daggers at Buck but he was exhausted and barely had the energy to stay conscious during this attack let alone hyperventilate and cry. The hand on his back froze for a second of realisation before Buck mumbled.
"Sorry,"
"Fuck you,"
"Hey! I'm just trying to help Bud,"
"Well your not, so kindly Fuck off"
"Eddi-"
"Please go away Buck"
Buck didn't leave to Eddie's dismay, and a couple minutes later he was vaguely thankful for Buck's stupid hand on his back cause the rhythm Buck was rubbing in was helping him breath slightly more normally. He was still crying but at least it wasn't impacting his breathing anymore.
He eventually managed to force his head off his arm and ran his hand down his face to try and pull a few tears of his face so Buck wouldn't notice, he was very aware that Buck raised his eyebrow at this having clearly know that Eddie had been hysterically sobbing into his arm.
His head was still swimming when Buck started talk, he was clearly saying something to him, Eddie just couldn't understand him currently so Buck had to repeat himself.
"Feel any better eds?" It took a little bit to much effort to not scoff at Buck for asking that, he chose to roll his eyes at the man instead to which Buck grinned slightly at him before frowning as Eddie couldn't help but groan slightly as his head pounded in his skull and rubbed his hand against his forehead, not only was he exhausted now he had a fucking headache. He didn't think it could get much worse.
"Not really surprising that you have a headache eds, you've been crying for almost 20 minutes,"
"You timed it?!" Eddie's reply was too quick for his own liking, his voice broke half way through and made his head spasm, shutting his eyes tight to at least slightly take some pain off. The pounding was making him want to cry again, Buck probably could tell considering the hand on his back disappeared momentarily.
Eddie couldn't help but whine slightly when the contact left, before he was gently pulled into a sideways hug on the bench, Buck's arm was around Eddie's waist holding him close. Eddie relaxed into the hug, his head deciding to rest on Bucks shoulder.
He tried not to cry, he really did but it was the way Buck was whispering that he was gonna be ok which made the dam burst again not to mention he wasn't struggling to stay awake on Buck's shoulder he was just resting his eyes for a moment, just a small moment.
"I Know you wanna sleep Eds but Bobby would like us back at the Engine some point tonight," Buck whispered to Eddie, Eddie's mumble back was practically inaudible to Buck but he didn't mind.
"Don't Wanna,"
"Come on sleeping beauty, your carriage awaits," Buck chuckled to Eddie as he slowly helped the man up, Eddie was still swaying on his feet but this time from the headache and the exhaustion. It hurt to move his head also Buck was talking again and he'd barely even understood what Buck had even said.
"What?"
"I said, Come on Sleeping Beauty Your Carriage awaits,"
"Fuck you,"
"Love you too Eds,"
"Don't Wanna Walk There,"
"How about this you walk there and you can sleep on me throughout the drive back to the station?"
"Nope,"
"You Sleep on my shoulder and I Stay the night at yours?"
"Fineee," Eddie slurred slightly back.
If Buck hadn't just sat with Eddie for half and hour he would have assumed the man was drunk from that conversation but at least he wasn't going to have to carry Eddie back to Bobby bridal style because that would have beckoned a lot of unneeded relationship questions from Hen and Chim.
He did keep his arm round the smaller man's waist in case he fell but Eddie leant against him anyway, Eddie had his eyes closed and mumbled to Buck.
"My Brain hurts,"
"I'm sure it does buddy,"
"I Lovvee you," Buck couldn't tell if Eddie was delirious or not from that comment, he had a feeling it was exhaustion mixed with the man's headache.
"You Know i could be leading you off a cliff right now and you wouldn't know,"
"Eh, You love me to much to kill me," was the mumbled return, which left Buck dumbfounded.
"Maybe I Do, but i never said i wasn't going on the cliff with you,"
"Fair Play Buckley, as long as we fall of this imaginary cliff together," Eddie chuckled into Bucks shoulder. Buck grinned down at the man, god he loved him more than anything , (maybe not Chris)
"Steps Ed" Buck reminded Eddie, whilst he helped the other man into the engine, Eddie had already tripped up the stairs once already to which Hen and Chim had burst out laughing at. In the end he grabbed Eddie's hand a practically lifted him into the Engine, which earned a surprised look from Hen and Chim as well as some giggling by the slightly delirous man next to him.
He earned a finally one from the two of them and Bobby once they'd started driving cause Eddie was completely passed out on his shoulder in seconds whilst drooling slightly onto Buck's uniform.
"Right lets cut to the chase, are you too dating?" Hen asked the moment Bobby had turned around and busied himself with something else, making Chim's head spin round to face them in an instant, Buck was pretty sure he turned every single shade of pink possible at that moment. Before he could even think of a reply Bobby turned around to face them.
"If They are and if there not ,its neither of you two's business," Chim's hands shot up in surrender towards Bobby and Hen just grinned whilst looking at the two men in front of her using her all knowing look on Buck.
"How about this, Just shut up," Came Buck's only reply before he went back to making sure Eddie was alright. Eddie was alright he was better than he had been in months thanks to the man who was planning on walking him off a cliff.