Chapter Text
When she got back into the throne room after the tenth time being kidnapped, her golden hair was a mess, and her usual princess-like disposition was replaced with an acute sense of rage. “never again. That is the last time that monster is going to kidnap ME.” She said, storming into the room. Mario trailed somewhat timidly behind her. “I need ideas. NOW.”
The previous fortification attempts proved utterly useless against Bowser's invasion. They decided that using a decoy was the best course of action. At the very least, this time, princess peach wouldn’t be kidnapped and the royal toad courts wouldn’t fall into disarray again. It’s hard to run a country when you are constantly being forced away from the job. And confidence in the mushroom kingdom was at an all-time low. The next year's budgeting and accounting had to be passed within the next month, and it was imperative that Peach was there.
“It's not even really that bad.” Peach had told Luigi, “He's never hurt me or anything, and three meals a day, think of it like a vacation.”
So that’s how Luigi ended up dressed in a beautiful pink gown and placed on display to host a royal toad masquerade ball of all things. He wrung his gloved hands nervously and adjusted his mask to ensure his mustache wasn’t showing. He desperately wished they would have chosen Mario for this mission, but unfortunately, Mario's stout and wide frame made him a less-than-ideal actor. And Luigi’s brief drag race phase only reaffirmed that he was the right man for the job.
Luckily for these kinds of events, there was very little interaction with citizens. The Toad’s content to dance and socialize without any royal influence. He merely had to stand at the top of the staircase and survey the people in a regal manner. Think of it like a drag performance, he had told himself, but like a good one, not the one that happened the night of the incident. He focused on keeping calm. His nervous fidgets were less than ladylike. He scanned the crowd and noticed a Toad looking up toward him. He gave his best regal wave in response.
At this point, they could predict Bowser's strikes like clockwork. The flashy fellow always seemed to target big royal events. He had a performative approach characteristic of someone who never quite got enough attention as a child. It was nearing the end of the night, and still, Bowser had not shown up. Luigi was contemplating what was more embarrassing, getting kidnapped by Bowser or spending the entirety of the night impersonating Peach for seemingly no reason. He was unable to settle on an answer, and luckily he didn’t have to because the ceiling exploded with a deafening crack, a giant hole forming in the roof as shrapnel rained down on the masked guests. Shrill Screams erupted from the Toads as they ran for the exits. Luigi was disoriented. His leg was pinned to the ground by the fallen debris. His ears were ringing from the loud boom. His eyes watered under the mask, dusk, and debris seeping into it, but he dared not remove it and expose the disguise. He pulled the large piece of ceiling off of his leg and tried to get to his feet and escape through the trap door, but it was too late.
“Thought this place could be a little bit more open concept.” BWAHAHA Bowser Laughed, descending from the looming battleship that could be seen through the newly renovated ceiling. His thudding footsteps shook the ground as he approached Luigi, tried to regain his balance and stand up, but Bowser was Flanked by some intimidating Koopas, who began to circle around Luigi. “Did you miss me, princess?” Bowser said with another laugh. The koopas had fully surrounded Luigi as he struggled to get up. Shooting pain coming from one of his legs, “Boys, you know what to do.” Bowser said to his minions. He couldn’t help but yelp when they grabbed him. Luckily Luigi’s yells had always been on the more effeminate side, and the bag they pulled over his head muffled it well enough. He felt himself being dragged and pulled in every direction. The Koopas certainly had the kidnapping technique down because, within moments, he found himself restrained and on board the ship. Disoriented and unable to process what happened, most of his focus went toward the brutal pain coming from his leg.
This was certainly the closest to fatal that these kidnappings had gotten. Luigi's stomach turned, hoping he wouldn’t be killed the moment that Bowser discovered the disguise. And also hoped that his leg wasn’t broken, but the pain told him otherwise.
Luigi's body was discarded onto a sort of bench once the Koopas got into the ship. And with a jolt, the ship jerked into action, flying away at a nauseating pace.
This was Bowers's most violent kidnapping to date, and Luigi was terrified of what that would mean for him when they found out that they got a drag queen instead of a princess.
Luigi lay there listening to the now yelling voice of Bowser as he berated one of the officers,
“What is wrong with you? I wanted a calculated explosion! Not to kill everyone inside!” His voice lacked the performative quality it had just moments ago. “If I get a single report of any civilian casualties, your shell will be a decoration for my wall.” Now this was strange. Luigi had always gotten the impression that Bowser had little care for the lives of the citizens of the mushroom kingdom. “Take him away,” Bowser growled,
“No, wait, it was a simple mistake, please.” Begged the Koopa.
Although Luigi couldn’t see anything from the sounds, he assumed that the kidnapping Koopas had grabbed the offending officer and dragged him away.
“This is a disaster of a kidnapping,” Bowser said, pinching the bridge of his reptilian snout. “at least we got the princess.” He said, sitting down in the seat next to Peach, “Not very talkative this time, are ya.” When Luigi tried to shift himself further away from Bowser, he grimaced in pain.
“Wait, is that blood… are you bleeding.. shit… fuck… oh my god.” Luigi almost wanted to berate him on language.. their target demographic was kids, after all. But the sudden pain of being grabbed and swooped into Bowser's arms made him see stars.
Bowser carried Luigi in what could only be described as bridal style into the control room. “I need you to gun it; the princess is injured! Com ahead to the castle and have them prepare the infirmary.” Bowser barked the orders at the people at the controls. “Shit, I’m so sorry princess… this wasn’t meant to happen… god, this is a mess… I- just- fuck”