Work Text:
Everytime I stared into these blue eyes, I could see the future ahead of me, the life yet to be lived, the happiness humankind searched for.
I watched as these eyes grew dull, polluted by all that surrounded you, us, I watched them shrink into your eye sockets and become mere mirrors.
It twisted my insides, it left me scrambling over and over; you never talked to me. I reached out to you, I sent you letters, wrote you a serenade, searched for you in every park I could find.
You appeared to me in dreams, in dreams where I couldn't quite make out what was happening. You kneeled down, put your hand out, but itched away, further and further backwards, I could never grasp you. There was always a distance between us.
I watched your eyes grow into a stranger's. I watched as they became just any kind of blue eyes, I saw they grow attentive to other pairs of eyes. Yours never met mine.
I looked at you, we exchanged glances, but you never looked at me back. I was merely living in a shadow you couldn't perceive, you were living on without me.
But I couldn't live on without you so easily. I tried.
Whenever I read our books, I looked for you in every chapter, hoping to find a remnant of you.
Whenever I listened to the playlist you made me, I searched in every lyric for something that belonged to me.
Whenever I wore your clothes, I tried to sniff it, seeing if I could find your essence. But they're just objects, they're only books, they're only music and it's only a shirt that's been washed over and over.
You're not here anymore, and it's over.
Still, we talked everyday. I told you about my new interest at the time, you paid no mind but reassured you liked listening to me. I tried to hug you, yet your arms were only wrapped around me. I tried to reach your heart, but there was nothing inside of it.
I watched your eyes grow into a shell of itself, one of a porcelain doll who had endured through rough and thin. I could not spot any life inside of them, I couldn't see you in there.
And that's how I watched you grow into a stranger I once knew.
You ripped a part away from me, one I'll never have back, yet, I'm not mad. I wish I could tell you that I'm happy.
I wish I could speak to you again and tell you how much I loved you, though I had before, I must have failed you, for you ran away with blood in your hands. Even if you had to stab me with a dagger, I had hoped you'd stay with me, and not simply leave me to bleed out as if I were insignificant.
Please don't love me, please don't love me ever again, I just want you to hug me again. I want to feel alive again, I want to feel as though we are not two other people. I want to feel as if I am no longer missing a piece. I want to be whole.
I only want to see you again.