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———
In the calm of the evening, away from all the cameras and prying eyes, Becky finally decides to voice a question that’s been weighing on her chest for a while now.
“P’Freen?”
The older girl looks up from her book and smiles at the sound of Becky’s voice. “Hm?” She puts the book down, focusing her attention on her.
It’s a simple act, but one that speaks volumes. No matter what she’s doing, Freen always stops and listens when Becky talks to her. Most of the time, she puts down whatever item she has in her hands, gathering Becky’s hands in her own instead. That is how Freen shows that she is eager to listen.
Becky watches as Freen sets the book aside and pushes her round glasses up her nose. Then, she lays a hand on Becky’s knee.
“Yes, B?”
She sighs, rubbing her face. It’s hard to say it, now. But she owes it to her best friend to be forthright. Gazing into Freen’s caring eyes, she asks, “What are we?”
With the asking of that question, Becky feels her world tilt off its axis. She can’t take it back, so she hopes she doesn’t regret it.
Freen is silent, mulling over the question carefully. That’s one of the things Becky appreciates about the older girl. She takes everything the younger girl says seriously, treating her like a peer who is worthy of respect. When Becky speaks, Freen listens and gives mindful responses. She never writes anything off.
Her biggest worry is that Freen will pull away, distance herself from her. Even though Freen accepted her coming out confessional, she still worries that the more she knows, the less time Freen will want to spend together.
But Freen doesn’t pull away. If anything, she leans in closer. “What do you want us to be?”
Becky hears blood rushing in her ears. They have discussed similar topics before. How to answer interviewer or fan questions about their relationship, how to respond when their friends and coworkers tease them. They have even talked about Becky’s parents.
The answer always has been, “We’re like sisters.” And while that may have been true at the start, Becky can’t help but feel something has shifted in their dynamic.
It’s the way Freen looks at her when a fan shamelessly flirts with her during fanmeets, the way she curls a possessive hand around her waist, the tone her voice takes when she says her name. The many cardigans and sweaters thrown over shoulders and laps, the countless water bottle caps and boba tea lids opened.
She looks at Freen differently, too. She knows that the older girl’s main love languages are acts of service and physical touch, while hers are gift giving and quality time. Even though she is perfectly capable of opening her own doors and unwrapping her own straws, she likes being cared for when it’s Freen doing the caring. She laughs a little louder, smiles a little bigger around the other girl. The handsomeness balanced with femininity of Freen takes her breath away.
She can see the subtle disbelief on the interviewers’ faces when they hear the classic “just sisters” refrain. Thankfully, MCs and hosts are respectful of boundaries and drop it, but there are some people that take the obsession a little too far. These “fans” latch on to the vague, open-endedness of their answers, making wild assumptions and adding unwanted tension and stress to their relationship.
Did they learn nothing from the show? Forcing people together for the sake of selfish reasons never ends well.
They shouldn’t have to, but eventually Becky knows they will have to clear up rumors and potentially disappoint some people. Hopefully, it will stop all the forced shipping and activities that cross the teasing line.
She imagines herself in front of her boxing coach, strong and brave. “I want to be your person. I know I love you more than a sister, or friend, or even girlfriend. I don’t want to date you, but…you’re my best friend. I want you to always be in my life. If you want that.”
Freen nods. “Like dating, but different. We don’t need a label for what we have.” Her thumb makes comforting circles on Becky’s lower thigh.
“Yeah. I’m not interested in anyone else. But I want to have a life with you. Do you feel the same?” Becky waits with bated breath.
“Yes. Let’s be happy together.” Freen cocks her head and looks at her quizzically. “Were you worried I would say something different?”
“Eh?” The question comes out of left field for Becky. “Why?” Deflecting a question with a question in response is not her M.O., but perhaps Freen’s tendencies are rubbing off on her.
The older girl leans forward and traces a finger along her jaw. “When you’re in a stressful situation, your jaw and neck tenses up. It’s happened before, so that’s why I asked.”
“Like when?”
“When you told me you were Bi. The first time you asked to sleep over. When that guy hit on you at the karaoke bar.”
Her vision gets blurry without her consciously meaning to. Freen coos at her and pulls her in for a hug. “You’re stuck with me, you know?”
The world rights itself again as she feels her best friend’s warmth and acceptance. Her worry of distance lifts off her shoulders with a simple touch. Freen is not going to push her away or build up any walls. She doesn’t hate Becky for her more-than-platonic affection. Freen loves her as much as she loves Freen, if not more.
There are still things to discuss and rumors that need sorting, but tonight, Becky revels in the way Freen’s arms feel so natural around her waist.
And the evening continues on, calm and quiet.
———
I’ve never been in love before
Now all at once it’s you
It’s you forevermore
[...]
So please forgive this helpless haze I’m in
I’ve really never been in love before
— “I’ve Never Been In Love Before”, Laufey