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“BecBec!” Freen chirps happily as she throws open the car door clumsily and jumps out of the driver’s seat. She barrels into Becky’s chest, nearly knocking them both down to the pavement.
“Whoa!” Becky keeps them both upright, just barely. Her workouts and kickboxing training come in handy during these times. “Hey, you.”
She hears the softness in her best friend’s voice, warming from head-to-toe at the open affection. It gives her strength for the long day awaiting them.
“I missed you!” She grouses as she presses her nose into Becky’s neck, breathing in the comforting scent. Becky smells like peach and vanilla, warm and steady.
“You saw me last night!” Beneath her chin, she feels the younger woman’s chest shake in laughter. They are fond of teasing each other, both in front of the cameras and in private.
Freen is not in the mood for teasing today. Her heart hurts and she didn’t sleep at all last night. She wishes that the other girl could sleep over at her condo every night, but Becky is still a student and more introverted than she is. She respects her need for alone time. But yes, she will always miss her.
She shakes her head and squeezes her arms tighter around the other woman’s shoulders. “Too long,” she grumbles. Wait, she didn’t mean to say that out loud. In an effort to distract Becky from her tired confession, she takes her by the hand and grabs the slim black case at her feet. “Come on, I want coffee.”
Becky smiles and comes along willingly, like she always does.
Around them, the world is still in the process of waking up. Becky has been up since five am, she knows, but Freen is only up this early because she is Becky’s ride. Otherwise, she would be in her warm, soft bed until the last possible second.
In a way, it helps her get her ass out of bed. Knowing that there is someone depending on her, someone she can care for, serves as a great incentive. She doesn’t love mornings just yet, but knowing she gets to see Becky sooner makes it a little sweeter.
After making sure Becky gets into her seat safely, she stows the guitar case in the trunk and makes her way to the driver seat. While she buckles her seatbelt, she smiles at her passenger. Becky’s light brown hair looks almost golden under the harsh fluorescents. Her tongue is stuck out in concentration as she scrolls through her playlists, trying to choose the right playlist for the trip.
Freen chuckles to herself as the engine under her hands hums alive, like a cat waking up from a long slumber. Soon, they are off to their favorite coffee shop, where they go every morning before work.
The set is an enjoyable atmosphere, and today is an easy day, emotionally. Freen is glad for that. Lately, filming has been heavy, full of drama. She expected some of it, having read the book before filming started, but she was wholly unprepared for the depth the writers had brought to the table.
There are some days when the girls end up back at Freen’s place with tears running down their cheeks, still feeling residuals from the explosive scenes they had to film. On those nights, they would hold each other close and whisper fervent apologies for whatever terrible things they were forced to say in front of the cameras.
She hates those days, how they make Becky’s eyes seem dull and muted. It hurts her heart to see her co-star so broken. That’s why, as they climb back into her car, she is happy to see that Becky’s eyes are glowing with a quiet satisfaction. Another sign that the younger woman is pleased is the soft humming. When Becky is silent, that means something is wrong. Therefore, she loves to hear the silly singing.
“Good day?” She looks over at her passenger, feeling a fond smile creep up her lips as she watches Becky settle in. Exiting the parking lot, she feels a hand wrap around her left hand that is resting on the shift stick.
“Great day. Babe, can we get chicken soup on the way home?” Becky asks her with a little pout and puppy eyes. Little does she know, Freen would do anything she asked without a second thought. No pleading needed.
“Of course. Do you want to order ahead?” Freen expects her to let go of her hand and type with both hands, but Becky tucks their clasped hands under her chin and types with her non-dominant hand. It’s clumsy and slow, but even when Freen points it out, she continues.
“Okay, done!” Becky’s smile is so wide, her eyes fall shut. She leans on the center console and hugs Freen’s arm like a baby koala on a tree.
As much as she enjoys the easy affection Becky doles out, she also needs her hand to pull the car into park. Reluctantly, she snakes her hand out from underneath Becky’s chin, smoothly pushing the stick forward. As soon as she finishes, she turns the overhead lights on with a quick tap, then offers her hand back to her best friend.
“P’Freen, can we go live while we wait for our food?”
“Maybe tomorrow? I’m a little tired.” She rubs her eyes and pinches the bridge of nose, leaning her head on the other woman’s shoulder.
“Take a nap. I’ll wake you when they bring our food out.”
True to her word, Becky shakes her shoulders gently and kisses her on the forehead. “Babe, our food is ready.”
“Okay, back home we go. Wait! Put your seatbelt back on.” Freen does her best to channel a scolding parent, but it quickly falls away when Becky laughs straight in her face. “Do you have no respect for your elder?”
“Just drive, grandma.”
“Why, I ought to throw you out of this car…” She grumbles half under her breath, not really meaning it.
Becky must have sharp ears, because she smiles sweetly and scoffs confidently. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh? Why not?”
“You love me too much.”
Freen says nothing in reply, simply sticking out her tongue and turning her focus back on the road. They both know Becky's right, anyway.
Dinner is a quiet affair, both girls seated in front of the television at the coffee table, clad in soft pajamas and both wearing glasses. Even though Becky initially protested, both girls also cleaned the makeup from their faces. Now, the takeout containers are cleared away, and as conversation winds down, she feels the woman at her left fidgeting restlessly.
“BB…”
“Yes?” She smiles at the use of Freen’s nickname for her.
She raises her eyebrows and points at Becky’s hands. Trying out one of the phrases the half-British woman taught her in English, she asks, “What’s up?”
There is a pause as the other woman screws up her face. The thick black frames threaten to slide down the bridge of her slender nose. She nudges it back to its rightful place with yer knuckle as she waits for her to speak.
“I learned a song, do you want to hear it? I want to film it for my channel.” Becky sounds hesitant and nervous for some reason. Freen isn’t sure why. Becky has sung for her before, so why would this time be any different? In fact, Freen has been behind the camera several times, helping Becky film covers for her YouTube channel, an online musical journal.
“Of course, I love hearing you sing.” Pushing up her glasses, she looks at her best friend strangely. Where is this cautiousness coming from? She doesn’t voice her concerns just yet, but she keeps a watchful eye.
“It’s— not in Thai.”
Freen snorted. “Not like that’s stopped you before. Come on, I want to hear it! Hurry up, kid!”
While Becky clicks open her guitar case, she asks without looking at Freen, “Can you set up my Ipad, please?”
Shrugging to herself, she does as she is asked, leaning the tablet up against a heavy ceramic mug on a stack of textbooks she has lying around from her university days. As Becky tunes her guitar, Freen makes sure she is in frame.
“Do you want to be in the video with me?” Through the lens of the camera, the tension in Becky’s shoulders is imperceptible, but she catches it.
“Are you that scared?”
“Um… maybe?”
That’s all it takes for Freen to start the recording and climb into bed next to her. “What’s the song?”
“‘Valentine’ by Laufey. Do you remember, I played this song once last week?”
Freen nods her head, making a mental note to look up the lyrics later. She remembers the Youtube video. Laufey’s voice was beautiful, but her grasp on English wasn’t as good as her companion’s. She had asked Becky to explain her introduction, who was more than happy to translate.
“Well, I really liked the lyrics and the way it sounded, so I learned it this weekend.”
“Jazzy.” She hums in approval. It’s not easy to describe Becky’s music taste, but liking jazz is one thing they have in common. Even if she can’t understand all the words, she can hear the feeling in the singer’s voices, the melancholy melodies.
“Hoo. Okay, are you ready?” Freen hears how Becky’s voice trembles slightly. She leans forward and fixes an errant wisp of hair that hangs in front of Becky’s face.
“Ready when you are.” Settling in and crossing her legs, she leans her chin on her hand that rests on her knee.
With a focused look in her eye, Becky starts strumming the first few notes. Then, she starts to sing.
“I've rejected affection for years and years. Now I have it, and damn it, it‘s kind of weird. She tells me I'm pretty, don't know how to respond. I tell her that she's pretty too, can I say that? Don‘t have a clue.”
Freen’s ears perk up at the change in pronouns. She didn’t catch much from the original recording, but she knew that Laufey had written it about a man. She watches curiously as Becky pushes up her glasses again and continues the song.
“With every passing moment I surprise myself. I‘m scared of flies, I‘m scared of guys, someone please help. 'Cause I think I've fallen in love this time, I blinked and suddenly I had a Valentine.”
Becky lazily scats and hums the interlude, shooting Freen a small smile. She nods in encouragement, shooting a double-thumbs up her way. Becky laughs, moving back into the singing. Her fingers dance across the fretboard.
“What if she's the last one I kiss? What if she's the only one I'll ever miss? Maybe I should run, I'm almost twenty-one. I don‘t even know who I want to become…”
Becky pauses, biting her bottom lip. Then, she looks straight at Freen when she sings the next lines.
“I've lost all control of my heartbeat now, got caught in a romance with her somehow. I still feel a shock through every bone when I hear an “I love you”, 'cause now I've got someone to lose.
The first one to ever like me back, I‘m seconds away from a heart attack. How the hell did I fall in love this time? And, honestly, I can‘t believe I get to call you mine. I blinked and suddenly I had a Valentine.”
The last few chords ring out in the tense silence between them. Freen waits for Becky to speak first. With an abrupt cough, the younger woman leans her guitar against the nightstand next to her side of the bed.
“So, um… what did you think?” Becky is purposely looking anywhere that is not her direction.
Freen can’t accept that. Huffing slightly, she leans forward and nudges Becky’s face her way with a gentle palm. “BB, look at me.”
The moment they make eye contact, Freen smiles. “I love you.”
She hopes that she didn’t come to the wrong conclusion. But then what other reason would Becky have for playing an obviously romantic song with changed pronouns, and why else would she be nervous?
A fan once jokingly wrote in the comments section of one of their lives, “N’Becky hit on a girl by singing?” Freen had laughed along, even though she wished it was true.
It seems that Becky was fed up with the murky nature of their relationship. They had been dancing around their feelings since the started Gap. It didn’t help that the fans and the interviewers kept trying to force answers out of them.
In the beginning, Freen hated the teasing, because it confused her greatly. It took Nam pulling her aside and asking some pointed questions that she realized the extent of her affection.
With the singing of this song, Becky had opened her chest and given her access to her vulnerable heart. She had confessed her love, love that Freen herself returned.
For months, Freen had tucked away her crush in the deep recesses of her mind, telling herself she was a fool for believing the fanservice. But maybe she was a fool for a different reason.
The tentative smile that lights up her best friend’s face lets her know she said the right thing. So she says it again. And this time, she emphasizes her statement with a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you for singing to me. I love you, N’Becky. There’s no one else for me.”
“Anytime, Babe.”
With the clear acceptance of her confession, Becky no longer looks stressed. Freen has no idea she was so worried. At this point, she should know that nothing bad would ever happen. They are partners in everything, for life.
It was mind-shattering to her how things could change in the blink of an eye. Freen was glad things had changed for the better. They might not have a label on whatever they are, but they don’t need one. So long as they both know how committed they are, Freen knows they’ll be just fine.
After they shut the curtains and cut the lights, wrapped up in a tight embrace under the covers, she asked Becky to sing the last part of the song again.
“The first one to ever like me back, I‘m seconds away from a heart attack. How the hell did I fall in love this time? And, honestly, I can‘t believe I get to call you mine. I blinked and suddenly I had a Valentine.”
As sleep tugs at her wearing eyelids, she mumbles out a thank-you, nuzzling into Becky’s warm neck. She looks forward to waking up next to the person she loves.
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