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Over.
It's finally over. She's done smiling. She's made it through the whole thing without crumbling, without losing her positive image, without losing all composure. And now it's finally over. Yona could cry with happiness.
She slides the door and enters her chambers and for the first time in days, she's finally and completely alone. The days before the ceremony were a rush, and the crown feels like it weighs a hundred pounds on her head, even though it doesn't weigh much at all. She's worn it for many long hours and now she wants to throw it out the window, along with the clothes, the jewels, everything...everything.
She walks to her mirror and sits in front of it. Her face is full of makeup, her hair is carefully styled with pins and ornaments that she takes off one by one. She slowly takes the crown off, too. It feels so good to finally be free, she thinks. As this thought sinks in her heart, she asks herself why all of this luxury now feels so tiring when she has slept on the ground for long and cold nights, when she has been a prisioner, when she has been up until dawn practicing with her bow and knife, breaking her back to be good at something, to feel useful, to be someone. How, when she has done all those things, has she never ever felt this tired? Tired from within, from inside out, so tired of it all.
Then she remembers him. How he abandoned her, how he left without saying goodbye, how after they arrived here and won the battle, he turned his back on her and left. She doesn't even remember the last time she saw him, all she knows is she never saw him again. It's been a month. Maybe that's why she's tired, because she relied on him for everything. Maybe she never really carried any weight in her life. Maybe he was secretly doing all the work for her, maybe that's why everything feels so heavy now, so hard. Maybe her self-sufficiency was just an illusion he created for her.
Why did he leave? Why did the person I trust the most in the world leave me like that? Why did you do it? Will I ever see you again, Son Hak? Why does it feel like I won't?
And the weight feels heavier as days go by, even when she's not thinking about him. Even when she's with the Dragons and they make everything feel so right and perfect, even then there's a shadow of uncertainty inside of her, like there's something missing. It's always there now, it's going to be there for a while, too, she thinks. It's going to take a while to get used to, and usually she masks it very well, but not today. Not now when she's finally alone, when she doesn't have to lie anymore. She wants to sit here and ask herself why, and why all over again and then move on with her life the best she can.
Yona stares at herself in the mirror. Her red hair is messy and wild. Her face is serious and little hints of sadness hide in her eyes. “Why?” she thinks. “Why?” and her eyes instantly become full with the tears that she had been holding back for a whole month, and find their way out. She doesn't make a face, she doesn't sob, she just lets them fall, fall and find her knees while thoughts of her lost best friend fill her brain and heart and make it ache even more. She allows herself to cover her face with both hands and breathe in all of the things that have been troubling her. The fact that she misses traveling more than she'll ever admit, the fact that she would like to be out there walking rather than here locked up with security guards all around. The fact that the person they defeated was not some evil tyrant, but her first love, one of the greatest people she's ever met, and the way he smiled at her when he knew he had lost, with warmth and tenderness like he knew it was going to happen. He was happy to see her, he was happy she won, and that messed her up.
And then there was Hak. Damned Hak. Evil, lying bastard Hak, how dare he? Traitor scum, she has never felt more betrayed in her whole life. Not even when Soo-Won murdered her father in front of her eyes, not even then did she feel the sorrow she felt when Hak turned his back on her and took off, never to come back.
She felt it. Yona felt him leaving forever. Numerous times he left for a while and then came back, and she knew he would come back every single time. But this time she didn't. It felt different. Definitive. Painful. Like goodbye. She realizes now that she isn't as sad as she is angry, that's why she's so tired. Tired of being angry inside and covering it up, tired of waiting and waiting for her rage to die out, of pressing her fists out of frustration everyday, thinking that he does, indeed, have the right to come and go as he pleases. He is a free man, but why oh why did his choice have to be this one?
She feels like breaking the mirror, like taking this big glass bottle of water and throwing it across the room and screaming and screaming and screaming for all that's gone and all that's won. But instead she settles her elbows on the table and sobs into her hands silently, because if she makes any noise the guards are going to worry, the maids are going to come in, and she just wants some alone time, just a tiny little night of peace.
Then she hears a noise behind her and her sobbing stops. Yona feels her whole body entering an alert state she only acquired after months of being exposed to dangerous situations. She moves her hand slowly to grab a sharp hair ornament she could use to inflict some damage in case she needs to, and then moves her head up slowly to check the mirror. Nothing. There's no one behind her, could it be that she imagined it? That she spent so long in hostile environments and now she is overly cautious? Maybe. She breathes out her tension and fixes her face a little before she hears the voice.
“I am so sorry, Your Highness." Her heart skips a beat and she covers her open mouth before she does something stupid, like scream. This voice she knows too well, there's no mistake, there could never be a mistake. Her wide eyes begin to gather unvoluntary tears again, her whole body refuses to move for a second, like it's frozen. The voice came from behind her but the mirror shows that there's no one there. She snaps out of her shock and, in one single movement, she jumps out of her chair and faces the opposite direction. When she sees him there and she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Both of his knees are on the ground, the palms of his hands too and his forehead just a few inches from it in a full reverence position.
There's a tense silence both in the room and inside of her head, like a piercing and static sound, blocking any thoughts from flowing to her brain. The new Queen was absolutely not prepared for this and she hates herself for it. A deep sigh escapes Yona's lips before she composes herself. Control, she thinks. I have to be in control.
“Stand up,” she commands, a mix of emotions taking over her whole body. He doesn't move an inch, but she knows he heard. “Stand up!” she repeats, her voice louder this time. He looks at her and then slowly obeys. He looks just the same, she thinks, and also different, but then again she hasn't gone this long without seeing him since they were fourteen.
She hears a male voice coming from the outside. “Is there something wrong, Your Highness? We heard you--”
“No, go away, I don't want to be bothered all night!" She orders, her voice strong and powerful. She feels Hak's eyes on her the whole time but she does not show any signs of nervousness. Instead, when she directs her fierce eyes to him, the one looking nervous is him. "How did you get in?” she asks. It's a stupid question, she knows, but the truth is she doesn't know what else to say.
“I always know how to get in and out of here, Your Highness”
“Stop." She cuts him off, now even angrier than she was before, if possible. "Stop calling me that."
“But--”
“No! You will stop calling me that and you will never, ever kneel before me again. Promise me. Swear to me, Hak."
“No," he answers seriously.
“Promise me."
“I won't."
“Hak!”
“I won't," he replies. “I can't, you're my Queen now, and--”
“I'm your friend first!” Yona yells in reply, taking one of the hair pins and throwing it at him. "You're my best friend! Someone I would never leave behind, someone I care about, someone important! How could you?” She didn't want to cry in front of Hak, of all people, but this has been a long day and she doesn't feel strong enough to fight it anymore. “How could you leave like that?” She pauses. "How can you leave like that?” She asks because even if he's here in front of her, she knows he's going to leave again, just like before. She can feel it in her bones.
“You don't need me anymore." He smiles, crossing his arms over his chest. “You have everything you need and want. This is your happy ending, this what you fought so hard for. You don't need me anymore."
“What we fought so hard for! You don't want to be my guard anymore, is that it? You didn't want to be named, so you left the castle?" And there's a silence, but she knows she hit a nerve. "Why did you come back, then? Why are you here right now?”
“I don't know,” he answers honestly. "I didn't want to come back... I just..." He avoids her eyes and sighs " I couldn't help myself. I needed to...” But he doesn't finish.
“Are you going to leave?”
“Yes."
“Is... that what you truly and wholeheartedly want?” She asks, taking a step towards him. He doesn't answer. “Hak, is leaving what you want the most?”
“What I want the most?” He laughs, staring into her eyes with a sadness she's never seen him bear before. “Yeah, I guess it is."
She nods. “And if I, right here and right now, order you to stay and be my guard until the day you die, Hak, would you do it?" Yona stares directly into his eyes. "Would you stay?” His eyes widen in surprise, and he doesn't answer for a while. She's testing him. She needs to know the answer to this, it's been bothering her ever since he was named her guard, how far his obedience goes.
He sighs, then relaxes. "Yes, I would." He says with a wink. She closes her eyes, a lump forming in her throat. Wrong answer, wrong answer! a voice inside her screams. She hates this situation so much.
“You should have said no.” She covers her face with her hands again because she never wanted any of this, she never wanted him to become a puppet to her every wish. She always wanted him to do whatever he wanted the most. Wherever his heart took him she wanted him to go. Why? Why does it have to be like this? Why does she actually feel tempted to ask him -no, order him- to stay?
“I can't lie to you, Your Highness."
She laughs sadly. “This is how it's always been for us, huh?” She looks at him, not bothering to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “You jump in front of arrows for me, in front of spears, fall off cliffs, you don't care. You will shield me with your own body, as if it's not made of flesh like mine. You will risk your life over and over, won't you?”
“Yes, absolutely." He answers seriously. “Because protecting you is my job."
“Then why are you going to leave me now, huh?" Her heart is about to beat out of her chest, but she doesn't care if she dies right now, not when there's so much left to say. "Now that you don't have to risk so much, now that we have peace, now that we took Soo-Won out of the problem, why are you leaving now that you don't have to die for me? Why?” She questions, walking towards him.
“Because--”
“Why?”
“I just--” She's right there in front of him, staring at him with a hunger for answers he's never seen before. “I can't be around you anymore, that's all." She nods, her heart aching, her hands trembling.
“Then leave," she sighs. “You came to say goodbye, didn't you? Goodbye then, Son Hak, go have a good life." And she turns her back on him, but before she can walk away she feels his strong grasp on her right arm. He doesn't pull her to his arms as he had done once before, he just doesn't let her go.
“Yona...” And her name sounds like a curse on his lips, like something he still can't properly say, forbidden and secret. "I...” But he stops himself.
“You what?” She asks, still facing the other direction. Somehow this moment is just too painful for her.
“I'm happy I met you," he says, and she can't see it, but she feels the smile in his words, like it's such a normal thing to say. “I'm absolutely sure you will live the happiest of lives. That's the only reason I'm able to leave."
“Please stop," Yona begs, because that life doesn't sound happy right now, and she doesn't want this kind of goodbye.
“You will marry a great man...”
“No, no--”
“...and all of the sorrow you lived will be just a memory."
And then she hits him. It doesn't do anything to him, but she hits him in the chest with her tiny fists, her frustration seeking a way out in every punch. "No, no, stop talking! Just leave, just leave! No, no, no!” She screams, as her hands turn red. "I don't want this goodbye, just leave, just...leave!” she exclaims. That's when his arms envelop her, burying her face in his chest as her arms fight for freedom.
“Just listen to me, please, just listen." He begs into her ear, softly. His voice makes her whole body shiver and her heart beat faster with every word. She slowly gives up the fight for she does want to listen. "There's so much I want to say to you, Yona.” His voice cracks, and he presses her tighter against his body. “But I'm just going to say that...no matter what, I will always, always be your friend," he says. “I will always be there for you, Yona, I will be your friend forever, if it kills me, I will. That's my destiny."
She imagines it for a second, both of them in 10-20 years. Hak holds someone else's hand and with his free arm he musses a little kid's black hair. She and him drink tea at the palace, like two old friends who haven't seen each other in so long, but are still there for each other. She looks at him across the table and he makes a face at her, commenting on how age has stuck her hard, how she has grey hairs and wrinkles but she does not laugh. She will only remember that that day, when he hugged her and told her they would be “friends forever”, the word “friends” hurt more than any other thing he could have said. She knows she can't let it be that way. She feels herself regretting it already, hating the image of him so far away, hating his happiness, his wife. Yona sees the way he looks at her, even then, after so long, he hides behind his insults but it is oh so clear to her now, how could she not see it?
How can she not see it? “Friends forever” he said, but that word has never felt so out of place in his mouth as it does now. It hurts inside her chest when she finally hits the realization, the final revelation of how everything in her life has led to this particular moment, how the decision she makes here could and will be the most important one she ever makes. Her heart was telling her so long ago, why did she not listen? His scent enters her nose like the newest and most precious aroma she could ever feel, but it's been there all along. She's always been so aware of it and now, right now, everything in her body is telling her she could spend the rest of her days just like this. Held in the strong arms of her best friend, of the only person that could make her feel like the load she carries is so, so much lighter. She's a feather in his arms, how did it take her so long?
“Friends," she repeats, the word feels like a knife in her mouth, metallic and tasteless. “No." He releases his grip on her when she says this, disappointed and sad.
“Oh...” Is the only thing coming out of his mouth as he releases her from his arms. She knows this is the moment and makes a mental note to remember it forever, when she takes his face with both hands and brings her forehead to meet his.
“Should we stop being friends now?” she asks, inching her nose close to his. “I want to stop." And she closes the distance. When her lips meet his, she knows his eyes are wide open and even though he doesn't move, she still feels something completely new to her travelling all over her body, the warmth of the lips that have always been so close and so far from her is something she remembers to never forget. He's paralyzed for a while, but then she feels his hands on her back, grabbing onto her clothes like he can't believe, like he wants to hold on to this dream for as long as he possibly can. His right hand goes to her cheek and his lips take in hers, hard but inexplicably soft, as he deepens the kiss. She doesn't know how to do this, but she hugs his neck and allows him to teach her. He moves just slowly enough for her to understand the movement, to allow herself to feel how his heart is now so close to hers, beating hard and erratically. She likes how he moves and how their noses find a way to play, how she feels so light when he puts both of his arms around her waist and lifts her up like she's nothing more than thin air. She likes kissing him so much more than she could have ever dreamed of. He moves her to the table she was just crying on and sits her there, even taking the time to move all of those hair pins she left scattered on it's surface. She doesn't know how he manages to do all that without parting their lips, but Hak has always been a prodigy in everything he does. Kissing is no exception. His hands go to her face when their lips do part, and though she doesn't want to, she slowly opens her eyes to see him there, staring at her with that devotion he shows when he thinks she's just about to die and he would stand in front of a army to keep her safe. He then leans in and puts his forehead against hers, and she could kiss him again if she didn't want to just embrace the intimacy of being this close to someone. Something inside of her clicks when she thinks that she, in fact, could have this, she could have this peace, this fullness in her heart, the reassureance that she's not alone in the world, that someone loves her...
But does he? She's never heard him say it, though he wouldn't kiss her like that if he didn't love her, right? He wouldn't have reciprocated so tenderly, he wouldn't be here at all if he didn't, right? Should she ask? Would it be awkward?
“Don't leave." Is all she manages to say.
“I don't think I'm physically able to leave now," he whispers. “Even if I wanted to."
“Why?” Yona asks, taking his face in her hands and examining him. “Did something happen to you? Did you have an accident?” He stares at her and then presses her against his chest.
“Something happened to me just now, but I'm still not sure if I'm allowed to believe it." He says and she undertands what he was trying to say.
“I think you should," she responds, surrounding his body with her arms. Her ears take in the strong sound of his heart, the speed. “Hak?” She asks, decided. "Do you love me?” And just like that the speed of his heart changes, like he ran a thousand miles and came back. She knows he's blushing and is probably embarrassed, but before the next question she wants to ask him, she wants this one answered, even though she thinks she's always known the answer, even before she knew she did.
He doesn't respond for a while, he waits for his pounding heart to settle, for his nerves to calm. From the position she's in she can feel it all.
“Do you still need to ask, Your Highness?” He asks. “Can't you hear?” She hugs him tightly. Those are probably the most vulnerable words she's ever heard Hak say to her, the way he trusts her with this side of him makes everything fit into place.
“I want to ask you something," she says, moving to look at his face. “Are you ready?” And when he blinks twice and slowly nods she knows there's no one else she could or would ask this question to. “Son Hak of the Wind Tribe," she prepares. "Will you marry me?”
The clock ticks a few times before he blinks again, and when he does, a few more seconds pass before his laughter fills the room. He laughs so hard he falls to the floor grabbing his stomach. She crosses her arms and waits him out, blissfully annoyed. She knows he doesn't believe she's honestly asking him this, but she is, it only makes sense. She's the queen now and she needs a capable husband to be the king, and who better that Hak for that title? Even more now with her newfound feelings for him. She doubts those feelings she was having just a moment ago as she watches him having his fit on her floor.
“Hak'" she calls, hiding her smile. "Enough now!" She pokes his leg with her foot, but the laughter doesn't stop.
“Marry me, ha ha! You're so funny!” He exclaims between breaths and that's when she decides to take the situation in her own hands. With no trouble at all, she climbs on top of him and takes him by the wrists, pinning him to the floor. It's this action that cuts his laughter short.
“Don't mock me like that, Hak, I'm your queen now, remember?”
“The power has changed you, Princess, you're so full of surprises today," he flirts “You always manage to surprise me, it's just hard for me to keep up, that's all."
“How long?” She asks. She feels empowered today, with the nerve to do so many things she never thought she could do, so she might as well take advantage of this strength and ask all of the things she's been too afraid to ask.
“How long what?” He raises his right eyebrow, confused.
“How long have you loved me?” She releases his wrists and places her hands on the sides of his head. He's serious now, like he's never actually allowed himself to talk about this.
“Yona...”
“How long? I know it's been a while, I want to know how long." How long I've been obvlivious and blind, she wants to add, but she doesn't.
“Come here," He motions to move her ear closer to his mouth, so she does. "All along," he answers in a whisper.
“Since we left the palace?” She looks at him, confused.
“No."
“Since we fell off the cliff?” He shakes his head. "Since we met Kija?”
“No”
“Since we met Shin-ah?”
“Nope."
“Jae-Ha? Since we found Soo-Won there?!”
“No”
“Zeno? No? Since when, then?!” She asks, irritated, but he only smiles and blushes a little bit before avoiding her gaze.
“All along" he repeats, and she understands what he means this time. All along, even before she became this person she is now, all along he has loved her.
“Hak, Marry me!” He let's out another laugh. “Marry me, Hak! Marry me!” She doesn't even know how it happens but suddenly he's the one on top and she's being pinned to the floor by her wrists.
“Well, don't tempt me, You Highness, I might say yes." He smiles.
“Then do it!” She dares him.
“Huh! Of all the ways I thought this could have gone, this is the last thing I would have imagined."
“Did you want to ask me instead? Is that it?”
“Nah, you already ruined it, it could have been so perfect.." He jokes, making that happy face he rarely ever makes. She remembers before when she would have loved for him to smile so widely, much more than he did back then, and now he's here, radiating such happiness that she can't help but wonder through how much pain did she make him go many days before this one. How many nights he laid with broken ribs and arrow holes in his body, with a frustrated heart, while she did nothing but obliviously toy with the most important person in her life. The thought makes her go quiet and before she has time to stop it, a tear falls from her left eye. “Yona...” he whispers, his hand traveling quickly to her face, cleaning all traces of tears from it. She observes his gesture, and worried look in his eyes that were just so happy a few seconds ago. The words formulate themselves and she can't do anything but let them out, finally.
“I love you!” She cries as more tears gather in her eyes. She doesn't quite know why she's crying,though, the emotions of this past few months pile up one after the other in her chest and she just can't contain them anymore. She rememebers when her father was killed and day by day all she would do is cry. She feels like crying for days now too, if only just to be free. "I love you, Hak, I love you!" she repeats, like those are the only words she knows right now. She uncovers her face when she feels him move to the side so he can lie next to her on the floor. He covers his eyes with his left arm, burying his face in the crook of his elbow.
“I never wanted to be a King," he says. "If we were just two normal people this would be so different."
“But we aren't," she adds, staring at the ceiling, feeling all the happiness she had just found slowly vanish in her hands. "The Red dragon reincanation and the Blue beast. We were never normal people. We never even got the chance.” She lifts herself to a sitting position, cleaning her face nervously. “Is that your answer, then?” He imitates her movements so he's sitting right next to her. He bumps her should with his, playfully.
“My answer is that..." She closes her eyes tightly, preparing herself for the negative. “I would love to continue to annoy the hell out of you for the rest of our lives, Princess."
It takes her a while to process the sentence, but once she does she opens her eyes and slowly looks in his direction. He's smiling at her so softly and warmly that she allows herself to believe what her ears just heard.
“Do you mean--”
“Ah, just as slow as always. You'd better call those crown makers as soon as you can because I won't use just any--” Loud voices interrupt him mid-sentence, and before he knows what's happening she jumps to hug his neck, the impulse makes him lose his balance and end up on the floor.
That's when the whole Hungry Bunch decides to barge in. “YONA, ARE YOU OK, WE HEARD A--”
“HAK?!” they all exclaim.
“I told you it was him," Shin-ah says in a low voice.
“Take your FILTHY HANDS OUT OF THE QUEEN YOU--” Kija yells, but he's held back by Jae-Ha.
“Wait, wait, wait, Kija, everyone just-- Hak, where have you been? What is all this?”
“Uh..."
“Zeno knew you'd come back for the Miss, I always knew you wouldn't leave like that!” He smiles widely “But how did it go?”
The whole group tilt their heads to the side in confusion, and suddenly they notice that this whole time Yona has been hanging from Hak's neck. She starts laughing uncontrolably because honestly, the whole image is just too hilarious to her. She untangles herself from Hak and stands up, her smile as wide as it could be.
“He said yes!" she announces proudly. She runs to her friends, pulling them all into a hug as big as her arms allow her.
“Wait, wait! He said what?” Yoon asks, trying to break out of the embrace.
“He said yes!!” She repeats, laughing.
“Yes to what, exactly?” Jae-Ha asks and that's when all eyes fall on the Blue beast, who's sitting nonchalantly on the floor. "Hak?”
“Oh, that, it's nothing," he says, standing up. “I'm just about to turn into your new King."
...
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH???????????????????????”
"Shut up and bow down, peasants!" Hak screams, enjoying the whole situation a little bit too much.
"What the hell just happened?!" Yoon asks, but the truth is, nobody really knows the answer.