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Keegan is still laying in bed. Rationally they know, they should stand up and go get breakfast. But for one it's a day off, no responsibilities for the day, Merrick's order "not even writing reports, we all need a break for atleast a day" he had said and two, probably the thing that weighs her down most, is that big overall feeling of wrong that crashed them. It only took one rub over their face to solidify the little inkling of "something's wrong" they had after waking up. Keegan just wants to bury themself under the blanket. Though that plan is cut short by the door opening. "Keegan?" Logan steps inside "you up?" Keegan makes a grunting noise, but does move to look over to him. Logan smiles at them softly, holding a tray. "you weren't there, so i brought you some breakfast" Logan moves over to him. "the boys were asking where you were" Keegan groans, of course they would be concerned if they won't show, it is kinda endearing tho, they think. "told them that you wanted to sleep a little longer" "thanks" Keegan mumbles and sits up. "you alright, sweetheart?" Logan sits down on the egde of the bed, with a light concerned look on his face. Keegan nods, grabs the coffee and takes a sip. They can feel Logan's eyes on her. "stop staring like that, kid" "something's bothering you" Keegan sighs into her cup "you are way too observant, Logan.." Logan gives them a soft look "you know i am, wanna talk about it?" Keegan takes another sip "not really anything to talk, just, well.." they drift off. "dysphoria flaring up?" Keegan nods, very glad that Logan did his own research and seems to understand at least a bit, so that she doesn't have to explain everything everytime. "on anything specific or just general" Keegan shrugs lightly "bit of both, i guess" Logan nods "something i can help with?" Keegan hesitates "i don't know.." Logan nods again "okay, tell me if there's something" "sure" Keegan empties her cup "anything interesting that was talked during breakfast?" "the others want to go out later" "oh, okay" Keegan nods slowly "we don't need to go with them, i mean, we can if you want to, but i can also just tell them that we wanna chill here" Keegan thinks for a moment, before whispering "I'd rather not go" Logan nods and pulls out his phone, probably to write Hesh that they will stay. "you can go tho, don't feel obligated to stay just for me" Logan just stares at them with a blank face. "okay, understood, you'll stay" Keegan lifts their hands in defeat, tho she is greatful that he won't leave her alone now.
Logan puts his phone aside and takes the tray to lay it on the ground, after Keegan finished. "What do you usually do on days like these?" Keegan looks at him "you know what i do on most days off" Logan chuckles lightly and shakes his head "no, i mean when you are dysphoric" "oh.. uhm, mostly i just ignore it, try to bury it with anything else" Logan nods lightly "okay... you want me to distract you or...?" "I'm not sure.. being honest, i would like to try to find out what actually helps, but..." they drift off. "But that would mean actually feeling it" Logan finishes and Keegan nods. "If you're not there yet, that's fine, i bet we can find stuff to distract you from it" "i know, Logan" Keegan drops back to lay down. "I'd like to try tho, after all this time, i don't think it'll get better the more i ignore it..." Logan softly strokes over her leg "probably not, no" he thinks for a moment "how about this, we start small, little things we can easily do, work ourself up from there and if it gets too much we can still stop" Keegan nods "sounds good" "alright" Logan smiles "anything that comes to mind right now, sweetheart?" "I need to shave" Logan nods "that's a good start, I'll go grab your stuff" He smiles, stands up to get Keegan's shaving kit and sets it up on the little sink in the corner of the room. Keegan peels herself out of bed and walks over to him, stopping the second she sees herself in the mirror, just staring. Logan turns around with a concerned look "what's wrong?" Keegan shakes their head lightly, before moving to sit back down on the bed. Logan watches her then looks between the mirror and them, before softening his face. "It's the reflection, huh?" He moves over and crouches in front of her, putting his hands on their knees. Keegan nods and whispers "I don't know if i can look at myself that long..." Logan nods lightly, thinking. "What if i do it?" Keegan looks up, slightly confused. "What?" "What if i shave you, i mean i know how to shave and I'd say i got a pretty steady hand" Keegan looks at him a bit sceptical. "Only if you're okay with me basically wielding a knife on your face, of course" Logan chuckles lightly. "Let me think a second, dear" he nods and watches Keegan as she thinks about it. It makes her a bit nervous, but they trust Logan with all they got and knows that he wouldn't hurt them, at least now willingly and also wouldn't offer if he wasn't completely sure that he could do it. Also the beard does need to go asap. So she nods "okay, you can do it" Logan smiles softly "alright" he stands back up to get the kit over to the bed. "I'll be as careful as i can be" "i know" Logan grabs a chair and moves it so he can sit infront of Keegan. "Stop me whenever you need to" Keegan nods and watches him prepare, steadying herself. Of course she trusts Logan, with all she got even, but he's right, the razor being handled by someone else makes her really nervous, just one wrong little flick and they're dead. They shake their head slightly to banish those thoughts. Logan would never, and he's right, he does have a steady hand, he's a sniper for a reason. So Keegan tries her best to relax.
After a short warning Logan starts gently putting the shaving cream on their face. "Okay, love, I'm gonna start on your left cheek now, alright?" Keegan nods lightly and watches him. Logan carefully lifts the razor, so they can see it, before bringing it to her face and as careful as possible starts shaving her. Keegan keeps watching his concentrated face, and she's gotta admit, he is very gentle. Well, as gentle as one can be. Whenever Logan changes spots he tells them and gets her okay for it, for which Keegan is really greatful. When it come to Keegan's lip area Logan tries to be even more careful, to not accidentally cut anything. It all takes longer than if Keegan would've done it herself, but after a bit Logan is done and softly cleans their face with a towel. "There you go, all smooth" he smiles at her. Keegan smiles back lightly "thank you, Logan" She leans forward a bit to put their foreheads together. "did it help?" Logan whispers "a bit, i think" "that's good, anything else, just speak up, i'm here to help" Keegan smiles.
They stay like this for a moment, til a knock pulls them apart. "yeah?" Logan calls out and the door opens a little. "you both dressed?" Hesh asks through the gap "yes, we are" Logan sighs, playfully annoyed at his brother. At that Hesh pokes his head inside, goes to say something before stopping himself. "I feel like, i interrputed something" "Just say what you want, Hesh" Keegan tries to sound not too irritated and keep her voice steady. Hesh does seem to realise that tho, given he frowns at her shortly, before getting to the point of his visit. "Just wanted to see if you two boys really didn't wanna come with us, I mean we even convinced dad to come with us" he grins lightly, seemingly not noticing the way Keegan tenses up a little. Logan jumps in "nah, we just wanna relax for the day, been running around enough the last weeks" "riight, well, if you change your mind, we're leaving in ten" Hesh shrugs and turns to leave, but looks back at them, at Keegan, she believes, with an unreadable expression, before stepping out "I'll see you two later" he calls out before closing the door. "bye, have fun" Logan answers, before looking back at Keegan, who is still sitting there kinda tense. He puts a hand on her thigh and softly strokes over it, not sure what to say without possibly making it worse. Keegan looks at his hand then to him and back to the door, before sighing and slightly relaxing again, dropping forward. "It's okay" Logan whispers. Keegan nods slightly "that's why i didn't wanna go" she mumbles. "i know, and we'll stay here, love" Logan softly kisses her head. She nods "yeah". Logan stands up, walking over to the sink and cleans the razor, before putting the kit away again.
He turns back to Keegan, pondering. "spit it out, Lo" Keegan sighs. "Just thinking" "'bout what?" Logan hesitates "did.. did you ever try.. you know.." he cuts himself off and gestures vaguely. "try what?" Keegan looks at him confused. "well.. uhm.. try wearing tradionally considered woman's clothes?" he gets quieter to the end. Keegan looks at him a little stunned "uhm.. kinda, but that was back before i joined up.." Logan nods "how did that go? Feel good or bad?" "i don't know, i was like 14 and didn't get good feedback, given it was my mum's stuff.. needless to say she wasn't happy about it.." "oh.. okay" Logan nods again, he wants to ask further, but he doesn't think it would be a good idea, but he shelves it in his mind for a better day to ask about that and goes on to what was originally on his mind "would you want to try again?" "I..." Keegan thinks "i wouldn't even know when or how, so.." "what.. what if you could?" Keegan looks at him more confused "What do you mean?" "I.. well, i might.. i might have bought something the last time we were out.." he scratches his head with an embarassed look. "what did you buy, Logan?" Keegan raises her eyebrows at him. "well.." he walks over to the closet and pulls out a plastic bag from the far back hidden behind some other clothes. "it's fine if you don't want them, i can bring them to a donation center or something, but when we were out you were staring at them for so long and i just thought..." "Just give me the bag, kid" Keegan stops his rambling, chuckling lightly and holds her hand out to him. Logan carefully hands the bag over to them. Keegan pulls it close and looks inside. "oh wow..." she pulls the clothes out and spreads them on the bed. "you got those just for me?" Logan nods and steps next to her. "wanted to give them to you a day or two after, but i was scared i overstepped.." Keegan keeps staring at the items. "no, you're fine, it's.. it's nice" carefully she strokes over the fabric. Logan watches her "you wanna try it on?" Keegan looks over "yeah, but..." she glances at the door "you can wait til we're sure the others are gone, all in your own time" Logan smiles, as Keegan turns to him and kisses him softly. Loagn softly lays his hands on her hips. "thank you, Logan" Keegan whispers against his lips. "everything for my lovely girlfriend" Keegan blushes and lays their head in his neck. Logan smiles and softly strokes through their hair.
They wait around fifteen minutes, before Keegan gets antsy. She keeps looking over to the bag with the clothes. "you can go for it, they should be gone by now" Logan smiles and grabs the bag to shove it into their arms. Keegan looks hesitant but stands up anyway. "i'll go outside, grab us a coffee and some snacks, so you can try it on by yourself and if you wanna show me you can keep it on or change back, if not" Keegan thinks a moment, before nodding "might be a good idea, yeah" Logan smiles "alright, take your time, i'll knock when i'm back" He kisses her cheek and walks out the room to get to the mess. Meanwhile Keegan lays the clothes back onto the bed, she stares at them for a second, before undressing. She carfully lifts the shirt, looks at it for a second, pondering and then puts it on. The soft, light blue fabric ends shortly under her pecs. A little weird, she thinks, but not too bad. She moves over to grab the skirt and steps into it too. It's just slightly a little too wide on their hips, but it should be fine. Keegan moves so she can see herself mostly in the mirror, what she sees leaves her stunned for a moment. She doesn't look half bad on the first look, the clothes does make her look a little softer, she thinks. They turn a little checking out a other angles, but to her horror the longer she looks the more her brain starts listing off all the things wrong with the picture she sees. Too wide, still too hairy for all this on the rest of their body, nothing too fill out the shirt, while too much filling the front of the skirt. She sighs and drops to sit on the floor. It could've been so nice, it was nice, but of course it had to be crushed down just as hard again.
A knock on the door snaps them out of their head. "You alright in there, Love?" Logan calls through the door. Keegan just humms noncommitatly. "can i come in?" he sounds just a tad concerned, tho he tries to overplay it. Keegan is silent for a moment, thinking. "Keegs?" Logan now more open with being concerned. "you can come in" she says just loud enough to hear through the door. The door opens a bit and Logan pops his head in. "everything alright? Why are you sitting down there?" he steps inside and crouches in front of her. "not good?" Keegan looks down and mumbles "no the clothes are fine, it's just... I'm not right..." Logan's voice softens "what makes you think that?" "i'm just not build for this..." Logan puts one of his hands on her cheek to lift her head to him. "I'm sure you are, baby, i bet you look great" Keegan shakes her head "i'm not.." "can you show me, so i can get a picture for myself?" Keegan looks a little hesitant, but nods, she supposes she atleast owes him a look. "okay" Logan smiles softly, stands up and holds one hand out to her. Keegan takes it and lets him pull them up. They pull their arms around herself, as trying to cover up a bit. "Aw, sweetheart, you look so pretty" he carefully pulls her arms away and interlocking their fingers. She blushes lightly and looks away again. "don't lie" "i'm not lieing, sweetheart, i mean it" he lets go of one hand "give me a spin?" he looks at her with his best puppy eyes. Keegan rolls her eyes, but lets him spin her. "such a pretty woman" Loagn smiles brightly at her when she's spun around. They blush a bit more. "you really don't think it looks weird on me?" Logan shakes his head "no, you look really pretty in it" he pulls her close. "the prettiest girl" Keegan ducks her head, but Logan turns it back to him and whispers "don't hide, Keegs" he kisses her cheek. She turns her head and kisses him softly. Logan kisses them back and holds her close. "I really can't thank you enough, Logan" Keegan whispers after they break apart. "no need to thank me, love, i will do everything to get you as comfortable as possible" He softly strokes over her hips. "also have i ever told you that i really like buff women?" Keegan laughs lightly and shakes her head. "Well, i do and you are the perfect example for it and this shows it off so wonderfully" Logan looks her all over. "okay, hold your horses now, cowboy" Keegan chuckles. "can you blame me? We're alone and you look dashing" he keeps stroking over her hips. "Logan no, not now" Keegan pokes his chest. "okay" Logan chuckles lightly and stops his hands. "so, then cuddle and maybe watch something?" "Just cuddle no funny buisness" Logan nods "only cuddle" he smiles and pulls her to the bed to drop on it. "Where is the coffee by the way?" Keegan asks as she lays down next to him, leaning against him. "huh?" "didn't you say you went to get coffee and snacks? so, where are they?" "Oh.. uhm.. well.. " "you forgot to get them?" Keegan chuckles "no, i didn't forget to get them, but they might be laying in the hallway" Logan moves, "I'll go grab them" and with that he stands back up and walks to the door and Keegan watches him. And maybe for one of the first times in her life she really starts to get comfortable, with her body, her identity and everything.