Work Text:
The ones being questioned: Liu Qingge x Shen Qingqiu (Shen Jiu)
The one asking the questions: Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky
The one supplying the questions: System
When Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky received this mission he immediately knew he was going to be in for one hell of a day.
Looking over the questions he genuinely fears for his life at the thought of asking them of his pair of threatening martial siblings. And yet he swallows his terror. He had already sold his soul to an ice demon for a mission. What was facing Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge?
So, with trembling legs, he made his way to Qing Jing Peak. Making some bullshit excuse about a survey for promotional material, Shang Qinghua kowtows in front of Shen Qingqiu for a good two and a half hours. After Shen Qingqiu finally caves, if only to stop his whining, a very confused Liu Qingge is dragged over.
And so the most terrifying interview of Airplane’s life began.
Shang Qinghua: “Could shixiong and shidi please state their names?”
Liu Qingge gets up not a second after being sat down. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait, I'm sorry, please come back!” Seeing Shang Qinghua’s pitiful state and Shen Qingqiu’s tired motion with his fan, Liu QIngge sits back down, annoyed.
Shang Qinghua: “What is your age?”
Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow, why would this information be needed for a promotional survey?
“This master doesn’t know.” He says with a sniff, “This one never knew his birthday.”
“I don’t know either, I stopped counting a while ago.” Liu Qingge answers.
Okay, just gonna put that as N/A.
Shang Qinghua: “What is your sexuality?”
Shen Qingqiu scoffs, pointing his fan at Liu Qingge. “He’d fuck anything that gave him a good fight.”
Liu Qingge gasps, scandalized. “That is not true! Before you, I had never felt such urges!”
Shen Qingqiu blushes at that, looking surprised. Then he turns his head to the side, fan hiding his face, muttering a small “same”.
Shang Qinghua put down “somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum, very gay”. He looked at the next thirty questions and crossed them out, not wanting to tempt fate more than he had to.
Shang Qinghua: “May I ask what your personality is like?”
“Honorable and hardworking,” Liu Qingge says, confident. Then, after a pause tacks on: “A bit dense.”
Shen Qingqiu shifts uncomfortably, closing his eyes. “Pass.”
Shang Qinghua coughs, and asks: “The other’s personality?”
At this Shen Qingqiu fires up. “Barbaric, brutish, idiotic, rude, smug, spoiled, naive, annoying, hair-brained, reckless, an overall simpleton.” He berates all in one breath. Then after a moment of silence, he adds quietly,”...he’s honest.”
Hearing him, Liu Qingge huffs cheeks flushing. Whether that was from anger or from being flustered is up in the air. “He’s defensive and frustrating, needlessly confusing and overly complicated.” He tells them and clears his throat. “He can also be endearing and …cute.”
Shen Qingqiu hits him with his fan for that last comment, ears pink.
“...” That was a lot less arguing and a lot more dog food than Shang Qinghua was expecting.
Shang Qinghua: “When did you two meet? Where was it?”
“In the inter-peak competition, it was our first fight.” Liu Qingge says, fondly.
“The immortal alliance conference.” Shen Qingqiu corrected. Liu Qingge looked at him with bewilderment. Shen Qingqiu avoided his gaze.
“This one had been there with his former master. The idiot saw some of the bastard’s victims, and couldn’t recognize the stab wounds to be that of a sword. He tried to track us thinking it was a demonic beast. It took some time to shake him off.”
Liu Qingge pursed his lips, staring at the other with an unreadable expression. Shang Qinghua fidgeted in the stifling atmosphere, eyes darting between the two.
Shang Qinghua: “Ahem…moving on…what was your first impression of each other?”
“Dishonorable and weak.” Liu Qingge confesses solemnly. “I was wrong.”
“A spoiled young master who’s got no brains.” Shen Qingqiu drawls haughtily. “I was right.”
Shang Qinghua: “What do you like about the other person?”
“He’s kind, even though he tries to hide it, for whatever reason. He’s very strong too. He’s also hardworking, smart, and a good judge of character.” Liu Qingge tells them without skipping a beat.
Shen Qingqiu has his face buried in his hands, and his ears are even redder than before. After collecting himself for a minute, he lifts his face.
“As I said earlier…he’s honest, and I like that his brain is too empty to hold thoughts of betrayal. He’s loyal, stubborn, and keeps to his word… and sometimes…he can be sweet.”
Shang Qinghua almost gagged, going to the next question hoping to wash away this sticky sweetness in his lungs.
Shang Qinghua: “What do you dislike about the other person?”
“He’s reckless, dense, and always jumping to conclusions,” Shen Qingqiu criticized. “...Although he is getting better.”
“He needs to work on his communication. He’s also improving.” Liu Qingge says firmly.
Ugh jeez, why is it still so lovey-dovey in here? You guys were supposed to be rivals who hated each other in the original novel! What’s with these softened blows!?
Shang Qinghua: “What do you call the other person?”
“His name, Shen Qingqiu.” Liu Qingge states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
Shen Qingqiu’s mouth twitched with annoyance. “This master calls him Liu-shidi.”
Shang Qinghua: “What do you wish the other person would call you?”
“Hearing a ‘Shen-shixiong’ now and then would be nice. It wouldn’t hurt you to have a little respect now would it Liu-shidi?” Shen Qingqiu asked, a sarcastic smile on his face.
Liu Qingge huffed at his answer but didn’t say anything. Shang Qinghua stares at him expectantly. Liu Qingge reddens.
Shen Qingqiu raises an eyebrow, looking at him curiously. Liu QIngge’s blush darkens.
“Is there something Liu-shidi would like to share?” Shen Qingqiu asks, an amused lilt to his voice.
Liu Qingge gritted his teeth. “You're always so formal. We’re lovers, aren’t we? Call me by my first name. Even if it was just in private.”
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened slightly at this. He blinks then looks away. “Ah. Then this master… will see what he can do.”
Shang Qinghua really did gag this time. He is shot with twin glares for his suffering.
Shang Qinghua: “If you were to liken them to an animal, what do you think they would be?”
“A cat.” Liu Qingge answers, no explanation needed.
“A bull, he’s as stubborn as one.” Shen Qingqiu sniffs.
Shang Qinghua: “If you had to send the other person a gift, what would you choose? What gift would you want?”
“There isn’t anything I want.” Liu Qingge shrugs, “I would get him some sweets from that candy shop he likes.”
“Tch. I would get him some medicinal salves and bandages. Liu-shidi never checks if he has any on hand, and he always forgets to restock it. Given the wounds he came back with from his last mission, I’m is certain he’s used the last of it.” Shen Qingqiu lectures, “Sweets would suffice.”
Shang Qinghua: “What stage has your relationship progressed to?”
Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu glance at each other.
“We are currently courting, and will continue to until we feel ready for the next step.” Shen Qingqiu says.
Liu Qingge nods. “We’ve come a long way. I’m proud of us, it hasn’t been easy.”
Shang Qinghua: “Where did the two of you have your first date?”
“Liu-shidi came to my peak and dropped off one of his gross beasts. We sparred and had tea afterward.”
“Hnn? No that wasn’t it.” Liu Qingge rejected, “We went on that night hunt with the three-headed fire serpent before that.”
“Tch. Of course, you would consider going on missions as a date. By logic wouldn’t our first date be that spider demon mission way back when?” Shen Qingqiu heckles, “That was the first mission we ever took together.”
“No, we always had other people with us before the serpent one.”
Shang QInghua: “What was your mood at the time?”
“Good. The fire serpent was fun to fight.”
“I was annoyed because one of my favorite fans got burned. The samples from the beast were satisfying though.”
“...” I don’t care about the demon! It’s a date, talk about your partner!
Shang Qinghua: “A frequent location for a date is?”
“If we’re not on a mission, Qing Jing Peak. He doesn’t like going to Bai Zhan.”
Shen Qingqiu inclined his head in acknowledgment. “We also go down the mountain to the nearby town sometimes.” He adds.
Shang Qinghua: “Who confessed first?”
At this Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu fell into contemplative silence.
“Actually…I’m not sure we ever properly ‘confessed’ to each other.”
“He’s right. We just knew.” Liu Qingge agrees, then says thoughtfully, “I suppose the closest thing was when I swore my life and undying loyalty to him. It was after he saved me in Ling Xi Caves.”
“That doesn’t count.” Shen Qingqiu objected, “That was born out of your ridiculous honor code and gratitude. Back then, you didn’t even like me yet.”
Liu Qingge eyes him with an unreadable look. “Shen Qingqiu, I’ve had a crush on you since back when we were disciples. The infatuation started at that Interpeak competition.”
Shen Qingqiu gaped at him. “T-that long!? You have to be joking!”
“I’m not. Why do you think I was always picking a fight with you? I was just pulling pigtails. Well, I didn’t know that at the time. I only realized it in retrospect.”
Shen Qingqiu put a hand to his head, looking like he was reevaluating the past many centuries of his life.
To be fair Shang Qinghua wasn’t much better. He had no idea about this either, and he was the one who created them! He had never intended them to be anything other than bitter rivals! Sure he had entertained Liu Qingge having some deeper interest in Shen Qingqiu, but because he was just meant to be a side character who gets killed off early, he had decided against it. He didn’t even write it down in his lost draft!
With this new revelation, Shang Qinghua was suddenly struck with the power his stray thoughts might hold. Shuddering, he decided to chew on that later.
“Alright putting aside the life-changing discoveries, let’s look at the next question shall we?”
Shang Qinghua: “What does the other person have to do to make you feel like you’re at your wit’s end?”
Hearing that Shen Qingqiu snapped back to his usual self.
He scoffed. “If I were to list everything we’d be here all day.”
“I hate it when he doesn’t answer a question with a straight answer.” Liu Qingge snarks.
Shang Qinghua: “When the two of you are together what is the thing that makes your pulse race the most?”
“When he comes up with a new trick to surprise me with during a fight.”
“When he recklessly rushes into things during missions.”
Shang Qinghua: “Have you ever lied to the other person? Are you good at lying?”
“Psh. This idiot couldn’t lie to save his life.”
Liu Qingge puffed up indignant. “How would you know that? I’ve never tried lying to you before!”
Shen Qingqiu ignored the fool. “Shang Qinghua if I were a liar and answered you honestly that would be quite unwise don’t you think?”
Shang Qinghua: “Have you ever fought before? What kind of fight was it?”
Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu looked at him like had the brain of a worm.
Shang Qinghua coughed.
Shang Qinghua: “How did you make up afterward?”
“I made an oath of devotion to him, and vowed to never again make assumptions before checking with him first.” Liu Qingge says seriously.
“Hmph. I told him I would make an effort to speak my piece instead of holding my silence.”
Shang Qinghua: “Is your relationship publicly known, or a secret?”
Shen Qingqiu asked back dryly, “If it were a secret would you be sitting in front of us now?”
The next few questions escalated more and more, getting more unbearable until…
Shang Qinghua cleared his throat: “May I ask whether you were the gong or the shou*?”
Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu wore faces of confusion. “What does that mean?” Liu Qingge asked.
Ahhhhhh fuck. How was he going to explain this? Shang Qinghua internally weeps at what his life has become.
“It’s um… when your fu-dual cultivating, who is… giving and who is… receiving?” Shang Qinghua cringed.
Shen Qingqiu stands up in outrage, he’s beet red and his hands have a white-knuckled grip on his fan. “Y-you! What kind of survey is this!?”
Liu Qingge shoots an intense glare of anger and embarrassment at Shang Qinghua, standing up with Shen Qingqiu ready to leave.
“H-hold on! It’s for, it’s for,” Shang Qinghua trying to come up with a convincing lie, “it’s for e-educational purposes!”
“I thought you said it was promotional!”
“I-it was, well the first half was. The second half is for a lesson on dual cultivation, using real-life examples to show what a healthy relationship between cultivation partners is like.” Shang Qinghua bullshits, “Surely Shen-shixiong knows the importance of knowing how to properly treat a partner? Especially for young boys?”
Shen Qingqiu pauses. Then he begrudgingly sat down dragging Liu Qingge with him. Liu Qingge looked like he was pulling teeth but complied in the end.
“Okay, now that we have that settled. Your answer?”
“It depends on the day.” Shen Qingqiu says, fan in front of his face.
Ho? Interesting. Shang Qinghua was actually curious about this question. After all with Shen Qingqiu’s and Liu Qinge’s personalities, he could see it going either way. It seems that his shixiong and shidi agree with him on that.
Shang Qinghua: “Why did you decide on this?”
“We didn’t see any point in limiting our enjoyment to only one side of it.” Shen Qingqiu answers his embarrassment melting into fox nonchalance.
Shang Qinghua: “Where did you first initiate intimate skin-to-skin contact?”
“At Qian Cao Peak’s infirmary, we had just got back from a dangerous mission.” Liu Qingge says, finally recovering from his earlier fluster.
“Hmm? That wasn’t where we had our first time.” Shen Qingqiu objected, “That was where we had our first kiss.”
“Does a kiss not count as intimate skin-to-skin contact?” Liu Qingge asked, with all the innocence of someone with a pure maiden heart.
Shang Qinghua writes down ‘a hopeless romantic’ next to Liu Qingge’s name.
Shen Qingqiu turns toward Shang Qinghua, “We first dual cultivated on Qing Jing Peak, in my bamboo house.”
Shang Qinghua: “ What was your impression at that time?”
“I was anxious but excited.” Liu Qingge answers with a blush.
“I was apprehensive and concerned at first, but became pleasantly surprised later.” Shen Qingqiu says cheeks matching Liu Qingge’s.
Shang Qinghua: “On the morning of your first time, what was your first sentence?”
“Stay a while longer.” Liu Qingge reminisces.
“I have classes to teach, let go.” Shen Qingqiu responds.
Shang Qinghua: “How many times do you have intercourse each month?”
“It depends on our schedule.” Shen Qingqiu explains, “If we have big missions or important events planned, we will wait so that neither of us is sore or exhausted.”
Shang Qinghua nodded. “Hn, good! Shixiong and shidi are great examples. Be responsible kids! Your commitments come first before physical pleasures.”
Shang Qinghua: “Generally speaking where is the location of your intimate skin-to-skin contact?”
“My bamboo house.”
Shang Qinghua: “Where do you want to attempt [Beep] at?”
“Why would I want to change the location?” Shen Qingqiu countered, “I know my house is clean and that no one will disturb us unless absolutely necessary. I don’t see the reason in leaving those comforts uncertain in a new place.”
“So if you knew those requirements were met, you wouldn’t be opposed to trying it elsewhere?” Liu Qingge asked tentatively. Shen Qingqiu looked at him startled but quickly changed to scrutinizing.
“Perhaps. Is there somewhere Liu-shidi has in mind?” Shen Qingqiu needles, his expression a mixture of suspicion and amusement.
“...The Liu manor.” Liu Qingge says quietly, looking to the side in embarrassment.
Shen Qingqiu gives him a quick once over then clicked his tongue. “Since when did you get so sentimental? Are you going soft in your old age?” He mocks, but his tone has too much affection in it to hold any bite. After a moment he settles with a “We’ll see when the time comes.”
Shang Qinghua: “When you [Beep] is there any kind of arrangement you two have?”
“If the desire cools for one of us we stop immediately. There’s no point in continuing unless we both want it.” Liu Qingge says sternly. “And if one of us notices the other getting into their head too much we check in to make sure it’s okay to move forward. The other should also speak up if there’s any discomfort, no matter how small.”
Shen Qingqiu nodes mutely in agreement.
Liu Qingge is using the terms ‘we’ and ‘us’ to not put him on the spot, but it’s clear, given what Shang Qinghua knows about his past, that this ‘arrangement’ is stressed mainly for Shen Qingqiu.
Shang Qinghua feels some awkwardness and guilt well in him. Though he had no intention of any real human beings experiencing what he wrote, it doesn’t change the fact that he is partly to blame for everything Shen Qingqiu went through. He moved on.
Shang Qinghua: “With regards to the way of thinking that if you can’t obtain their heart, at the very least you still have to obtain their [Beep], do you approve of it or oppose it?”
“Oppose it!” Liu Qingge yells, “To do such a thing is the pinnacle of dishonor!”
Shen Qingqiu gives a wry smile. “That way of thinking is quite rare, Liu-shidi.” He says dryly. “I am very lucky to have a partner who believes that in both his words and his actions.”
Shang Qinghua: “If the other person was forcefully [Beep] by a thug, what would you do?”
Shang Qinghua winced. Wow, these past few questions are really hitting the sore spots.
“I would drive them through with Cheng Luan, then desecrate their remains.” Liu Qingge declares he’s emanating killing intent.
“I would burn it then leave its ashes in a ditch where it belongs.” Shen Qingqiu promises, with all the threat of someone with experience.
Hey hey hey, calm down you two! It’s only hypothetical! Those faces are getting a little too scary for my little heart!
Shang Qinghua quickly spoke out the next question, not wanting to spend a second longer in this atmosphere.
Shang Qinghua: “If a good friend told you ‘I’m very lonely so just for tonight, please…’ and requests intimate skin-to-skin contact, would you?”
Liu Qingge's face goes carefully blank, he slowly turns towards Shen Qingqiu. “If Zhangmen-shixiong does something like this let me know. If my fist accidentally landed on his face when I tripped, I’m sure Mu-shidi would understand.”
Shen Qingqiu sneers, scoffing. “Not if I stab him first.”
Ignoring the mutinous plotting against the sect leader in front of him, Shang Qinghua asks: “Do you think your good at making love? What about the other person?”
“Well, it’s not as if either of us has a wealth of data to compare to.” Shen Qingqiu snarks. “But I do enjoy it and Liu-shidi does too, so I suppose that counts for something.”
Liu Qingge grunts in agreement.
Shang Qinghua: “Do you have any interest in [Beep] [Beep]?”
Ah, and it backed to the confused looks. This one was even more painful to explain than the last! Especially considering the history of the people in front of him. Shang Qinghua feels cold sweat drip down his back, you know what? No, Shang Qinghua chooses life. He would like to live another day thanks.
“Ahahaha,” Shang Qinghua laughs awkwardly, “yea I don’t get this one either, so let's just skip it.”
Shang Qinghua: “During sexual intercourse what is something that’s relatively painful for you?”
“When he scratches and bites me.” Liu Qingge says. “Though I’m not really complaining.”
Shen Qingqiu’s face heats up again, “My answer is the same.” He mutters.
Shang Qinghua: “What pleases the other the most during [Beep]?”
Silence befalls the room for a few beats. The first to break it is Liu Qingge
“He likes to be praised.”
Shen Qingqiu flushes and raises his fan higher.
“...He likes it when I pull his hair.” Liu Qingge reddens all the way down his neck.
Shang Qinghua’s eyebrows raise a little. Hmm? He goes back to the question about BDSM and puts a little note. This was not enough evidence to put down any solid conclusions, but it was worth mentioning.
Shang Qinghua: “At that time what would you think of?”
“That I love him.” Liu Qingge says, his eyes all tender and affectionate. Shang Qinghua feels a chill run up his spine.
Shen Qingqiu lowers his head and stares at the floor. “...I think ‘I’m very lucky’.”
Ughhhhh, Shang Qinghua needs to bleach his eyes. And maybe schedule a check-up with Mu Qingfang. He thinks he might be getting diabetes.
Shang QInghua: “Do you take off the clothes yourselves or does the other person help take them off?”
“I take them off myself.” Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. “If this brute did it he’d spend half a day.”
“It isn’t my fault, your clothes are too confusing and complicated!” Liu Qingge huffs indignantly. Shen Qingqiu just waves his hand dismissively.
Shang Qinghua: “Approximately how many times per day?”
Shen Qingqiu sputters. “P-per day!? What kind of people do you take us for!? This is absolutely ridicu-” Then his tirade abruptly stops, and a look of dawning realization crosses his face.
“Ah, I see.” He says lightly, too lightly. “This wasn’t ever for promotional material or a class was it?”
Shang Qinghua feels dread gather at the pit of his stomach. “Pardon?”
“This whole thing was just a farce put together to mock us wasn’t it?” Shen Qingqiu smiles, and Shang Qinghua lights a stick of incense for his small life.
“O-of course not what would make you think-” A fan shoots at him aimed for his neck, Shang Qinghua quickly dodges away. The fan sharpened by qi embeds deeply into the wood floor, as sharp as a knife.
“It’s dishonorable to lie, Shang-shidi.” Before Shen Qingqiu has a chance to finish the word ‘shidi’, Shang Qinghua has already booked it. Shen Qingqiu quickly gives chase, Xiuya drawn.
Liu Qingge watches them go with a sigh and gets up. Finally, he can leave and get back to his sword training.