Chapter Text
When Stanley woke up in his apartment one peculiar day, he noticed an empty void next to him where his wife should have been. He groaned in annoyance. He forgot again.
And even worse was the fact that he now had to change his morning routine.
It should have been a blessing really, when his boss decided on his new schedule, he was supposed to be there a whole two hours later. He could truly sleep in!
But all he could muster in response was an irritated and grouchy trot into the kitchen. It was everything but a blessing, this simple change in schedule would ruin his morning routine for the next week at least.
Now he didn’t even know what to eat because his usual egg sandwich didn’t feel right anymore, what a waste of a morning. Silently packing himself a different sandwich and an apple for good measure, he decided to drive to work early.
The drive felt longer than usual, struggling to keep his eyes open despite having gotten at least one more hour of sleep than he usually got.
It got so bad he almost missed a red stoplight.
This is fine. Just don’t crash, this is okay don’t panic. I’m fine, just drive. It’ll be okay.
Repeating the same mantra in his head to keep himself from falling asleep on the stirring wheel, Stanley finally got up the elevator to walk towards the meeting room. Taking in a long anxious breath before entering.
Hey, how’s work? Stressful I know! Mondays, right?
He thought to himself, it was mostly the same conversations everyday and yet Stanley found himself unable to fully get into it without having to think. The people were more exhausting than his actual job if he was being honest.
As usual the meeting room was full of life, a presentation being held upfront for some newer employees and interns. And yet everyone went quiet upon noticing the man. He could tell he wasn’t expected by how confused everyone looked at him.
Yep, awkward.
So he slipped idly by the silent room, trying not to think about the whispering behind his back and the lingering feeling that he’d done something wrong. Hopefully he could just spend the rest of his free time pushing buttons at his desk and maybe eating breakfast, instead of dealing with another living human.
When he slumped into his rather comfortable chair, Stanley sighed in relief, nobody was here. His eyes slowly closed and he felt himself slip away from reality in his seat. It was almost the best feeling in the world to just rest in this moment, there was no one here anyway.
Up until he was yanked out of his half-asleep daze by a door being slammed open.
Stanley nearly jumped out of his chair in shock and glared at what had presumably made the noise, and to no one’s surprise, it was his boss. An irritated grumble left his mouth as he tried to adjust himself properly so he didn’t look like he just passed out. In the corner of his eye, he saw his boss showing someone he found to be familiar a seat.
“Desk 432 should be fine, get to work mr. Cooper. Your computer should be inside the box right here, take your time setting it up.”
And with that, he was gone again, not even acknowledging Stanley’s existence.
Good. He thought.
No, actually this was worse. Now he was alone with Tim, as he just recognised. Of course he would be made to think about smalltalk first thing at work. He’d anticipated it, but he didn’t know he’d be spending the whole day with him now.
Of course Tim would get a new desk in his vicinity.
“Stanley! My man, how you doing?” A wide grin spread across his scruffy face.
It wasn’t like he disliked him personally, this was just the kind of talk he didn’t particularly enjoy. Thinking of what was appropriate to say and what wasn’t, was this awkward silence or was the conversation over? When should he leave to get work done? Should he initiate his own topic? And when?
He sighed in defeat and started signing: [Goodmorning Tim, I’m fine, how about you?]
He wasn’t sure why it was so important to people to say the same thing everytime they met, but Stanley took note of the fact that people would look at him weird if he said anything else. So fine it was.
This time though, he hadn’t realised the partially confused glare he’d been given, and shot Tim a raised eyebrow.
“I don’t know what you’re saying dude, did ya lose your voice or something?”
Right. He didn’t know.
With a soft but audible slap to his forehead, he turned around to write something down. Of course this would happen while he was trying to work.
[I said I’m fine. And you?]
To his relief, Tim didn’t question him any further and instead continued on with his smalltalk. Stanley wondered if this would go on for the entirety of his shift.
He dreaded it wholeheartedly.
-
The drive to his new job was even more stressful, scared he wouldn’t make it in time for his employee induction at the library. He had signed up for a minijob there to make a few more bucks.
It had been his own idea, since he was already working overtime to keep himself afloat. The extra money would definitely come in handy.
Just to pay off some debt for the summer, it’d be over before he even knew it.
At least that’s what Stanley kept telling himself, he was already so fucking tired. Every extra hour would take years off his life expectancy, he was sure.
But at least he could pick up his T shots from the pharmacy later without having to drive all the way back here again, so that was a plus.
When he entered the library, it was supposedly closed for the day. Which made sense, it was almost 4pm on a Saturday after all. They always closed earlier on weekends. All that mattered was that he could still open the door without ringing a bell or calling, which was his real blessing at the moment.
With five minutes left, Stanley decided to muster up the courage to walk to the reception. A tall woman with dark curly hair, a fancy dark blue suit and blue tinted glasses sat there, sipping something that resembled the smell of blueberries from a steaming hot mug. What a peculiar choice of tea… so much blue.
The moment her eyes locked with Stanley’s however, he shrunk back into himself, all previous false confidence thrown out the window. He hated job introductions so much, the judging glares of people constantly seeping into his skin as he tried not to think about it too much were torture. He gulped.
“Ah, Mr. Hawkins was it? You’re right on time, just walk down this hall and you should be able to find your group. I’ll be there shortly.”
Her voice was clear and direct, yet Stanley couldn’t help but feel more at ease.
Right, down the hall, got it.
He signed a small [thank you] and went on his way.
He shouldn’t have done that, why did he sign? He should’ve just forced his voice, now he’d have to deal with another awkward conversation later. This wasn’t going as planned at all…
Finding himself speeding up a little as he stepped through the arrays of huge bookshelves that reached well up to the high ceiling, he could only hope that this wouldn’t be much of an issue. Worst case scenario he could just say he was joking, right? No, that won’t do.
His thought process was interrupted however, when he was so deeply wrapped up in his head that he only now realised he was just about to crash into someone. There was a loud yelp as books clattered onto the floor beneath them, followed by a frustrated grunt.
Oh fuck.
Quickly recovering from the sudden loss of balance, Stanley apologetically looked up at a somewhat familiar man dressed in a white shirt with a crocheted brown and yellow sweater vest and a yellow tie around his neck. Glasses tinted yellow. He was starting to think he was probably friends with the woman at the front desk. He’d met him before but he couldn’t put his finger on where or how.
“Hawkins?! What is the meaning of this?”
Oh right, he was the person hanging up flyers for the job when he first visited. They’d talked for a while until Stanley had decided to place his name and contact info on the list. Speeding forward a few weeks, he’d been called and apparently got the job.
He was looking for one anyway so why not?
[Carter?] Stanley started signing and promptly stopped himself. Why were his hands faster than his brain?
The other man just waited, not even slightly phased. Just standing there and impatiently glaring at him and then to the floor, as though he was supposed to pick up on something.
Pick up… Oh.
As fast as his knees would allow, Stanley crouched down to gather the fallen books off the floor, this was embarrassing at best and threatening to his quickly declining mental stability at worst. But he decided not to complain.
“Honestly do you have any idea where you’re going? You passed the meeting table you know, I was just retrieving the material to get started from here.”
These words made Stanley want to throw his hands up to let the books fall once again, but he tried to avoid getting fired on his first day, so he settled on a raised eyebrow instead as he handed over the books.
An exaggerated sigh.
“Fine, I’ll walk you there myself, come along Hawkins.” With that, Mr. Carter took it upon himself to lead the new employee to the table that was a whopping fifteen feet away. What a thrill.
No, Stanley was less than thrilled. Only a few minutes in and he’d already made someone hate him. Great going Stanley! Your ex wife would’ve been so proud.
Begrudgingly he sat down at the large round table and waited for the others to arrive, sparing a glance or two at his newfound “worst enemy”.
Or well, just an older guy with a sweater vest, pretty earrings and a mullet, but who said enemies couldn’t also have good fashion sense?
He didn’t realise he’d been staring until an awkward cough made him snap back to reality and gape at the woman from the front desk. She gently smiled and sat down next to Carter, straightening out her fancy suit and looking around the table. A few other people had mysteriously appeared next to him, maybe Stanley just hadn’t noticed.
“Welcome to the Bodleian library, newbies. Today we will be showing you around the building and helping you get accustomed to our schedule. Make sure to memorise each section of the library in the span of a couple days, they’re important.”
-
With a long winded yawn, Stanley crashed into his bed, his noticeably empty bed. He rolled over to the side where his wife should’ve been and sighed.
This was ridiculous. They both knew this was for the best, when she fell out of love with him and life together started becoming more of a chore than an act of love. But he hated it, so much. He couldn’t bare to live alone, there’d always been somebody there for him to cushion the blow when things got hard.
To help him get things back in order when he didn’t know how to fix them on his own, but now here he was.
Life by himself was just so weird, he didn’t necessarily hate all of it, he definitely loved the privacy it gave him. But he just felt so utterly empty and directionless. As though he was just going on autopilot through each day and still hating every minute of it.
Deep sobs forced themselves out of his chest as he tried to calm himself, he hated being on his own so much. He couldn’t even function normally, showering and brushing his teeth started becoming tasks he often just couldn’t build up the energy for.
What a lowlife he was becoming, dependant to have somebody else look over his own schedule and help. Other people were able to do it perfectly fine so why couldn’t he? Stanley clutched the fabric of his shirt so hard it might’ve just popped open.
He didn’t even understand how he was able to go about his day like this, knowing himself he would’ve just shut down and let himself whither away, but he couldn’t.
How pathetic.
He turned off the bedside lamp.