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Midoriya originally thought he would feel at least a little angry or jealous when he looked at the pair, he thought that he would act out ill towards either of them, he thought he would want to cry his lungs out whenever he went to his dorm room everyday after school because it wasn't him.
I mean, it made sense. He spent so long trying to figure out how to appease Bakugou, he changed himself and almost gave up his own dream because of him.
Bakugou used to be his best friend, he used to be right by his side and look so happy.
He couldn't help but always wonder what went wrong.
It couldn't be just because of having no quirk, it couldn't be that simple and stupid. It couldn't. It doesn't make any sense.
Years age people and they change, he knows, he just didn't know that the years would change their friendship this much because of something so little.
He hadn't realized how much their shared childhood memories had meant to him until they were shattered and beaten on, ruined like his skin was when he when up a grade in middle school.
A burning memory, an old burn mark on his shoulder to prove the hopelessness of being friends again.
He tried so hard to be nice. He didn't say one bad thing about him to anyone and never intentionally sabotage him. He supported him every step and Bakugou couldn't give any less of a shit in return.
So yeah, the first time he saw Bakugou walking away from campus with Kirishima by his side, the red head smiling so big and laughing so loud and freely, the blonde never making a move to push him away.. He expected to feel the worst.
But all he felt was disappointment.
Because... Well, they looked great together. And who was he to destroy such friendship?
***
Midoriya gave the spiky blonde a side glance, holding his closed umbrella and shuffling his feet a little. He suddenly felt the urge to speak his mind the longer he hesitated in opening his umbrella and walking away.
He knew it was a bad idea, Bakugou didn't like him at all and would get more angry if he tried to speak to him. Though this was a perfect opportunity.
It was raining and school just ended, Bakugou ignored everyone's warnings about the whether this morning and didn't bring an umbrella. Kirishima was out sick with a small cold and no one else in their class had enough courage to speak to Bakugou or was busy.
"Hey," Midoriya let slip from his mouth, looking ahead at his friends that were making their way to the dorms, shaking his head with a small smile. He'll catch up with them later.
"You talking to me?" Bakugou muttered with worsening scowl, turning his head to look at him, his arms crossed and he leaned against the wall.
"Mhm." Midoriya hummed with confirmation and fully turned his body to face the taller. "I'm not ready to go home yet."
His heart was thumping slightly faster than usual but he still kept his nerves calm and didn't falter under the vicious gaze. He was stronger now, he knew what to do and wouldn't cower anymore.
"What the hell does that have to do with me?" Bakugou said with a small scoff.
"I have to tell you something before I go. It's really important so I'd appreciate it if you listen." He pressed, rocking up and down on the balls of his feet, as if he was a child about to tell a 'secret' to an awkward stranger.
Midoriya hoped he wasn't being too pushy or sounded off. He never knew how to start conversations of anything.
Bakugou sighed, knowing he wouldn't stop bothering him if he didn't humor him. "Hurry up."
"Okay," Midoriya took a deep breathe through his nose, ignoring the confusion glinting in Bakugou's eyes. He thrummed his fingers on the bar of his umbrella before moving to lean against the wall next to him.
"So," Midoriya watched the other students with nameless faces pass by as he spoke, his expression not content but not apprehensive. "When I was a kid, I always thought you were cool. It sounds stupid out loud, you're not even older than me, hah."
"It's been years and I should move on, I know, but I can't really do that while this lays on my consciousness. I thought you were cool." He pursed his lips. "But you weren't. Sorry, but you were just as damaged as I was. Am?"
"We were kids back then and we're older now, so I can see things more clearly."
"..Are you here to make fun of me?" Bakugou mumbled, looking down at the ground with an unreadable expression.
He shook his head. "No, my point is that I see you everyday and I watch you grow and change in little ways, as I've done my whole life. You've had so much progress Kacchan."
That made Bakugou look back up at him with those analyzing eyes of his, never able to fully and wholeheartedly learn to let his guard down completely, to let himself be vulnerable.
"I've been here the whole time and seen all of your improvements and experiences of your consequences." Midoriya explained, never breaking eye contact to make sure his point got through him. "I've been here, waiting for you, hoping you'll give me a second chance."
"But you never did. I waited around for you to change back into the Katsuki I remembered. The.. person I grew up caring for." His throat tightened and he swallowed down a gasp of air, forcing himself to breathe calmly through his nose as he pushed down his tears. "It crushed me when I realized he was gone. He left without anyone telling me."
"I miss him everyday for every month. Sometimes I find myself looking for him in your eyes, in your voice, but I could never seem to find him."
"It took me so long to gain a little fucking respect from you, while someone completely new gained it in a day." Midoriya closed his eyes to calm himself down, reopening them, revealing them glassy and tired.
He didn't blame Kirishima at all, as he mentioned earlier. He blames Bakugou.
How can someone have so little consideration and self respect to let their insecurities get in the way of friendships and let themselves verbally abuse and physically hurt someone? How can Bakugou go to sleep so peacefully at night knowing what he's done to him?
And yeah, maybe it's from the emotional neglect from his parents that he turned out that way, but the least Midoriya wanted from him was an apology.
It doesn't even have to be a whole paragraph or dialogue. He would accept just a simple and quick 'I'm sorry' from him, even over text.
It's been years and he's never got one, not even Bakugou owning up to what he did. He just got was more abuse.
All because of something that wasn't even his fault, something he couldn't control and he himself wanted to change.
"I wanted to be friends again. I wanted to laugh with you again and go through the hardships of U.A with you. It's always been you." Midoriya frowned at him, watching the way the blonde reacted. "But I'm gonna stop wishing now.. Because I know it's over."
"Deku-" Bakugou near choked out, staring at him with wide eyes. Something inside of him was screaming and calling out for him, so unexpectedly desperate, as if it's been waiting for this very moment to expose itself. But he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for that kind of vulnerability.
Midoriya was already shaking his head, giving a half hearted smile that didn't reach his eyes, thinking that he was about to snap at him with insults or remain silent in anger.
He wasn't expecting the hushed, hesitant and voice cracking, apology that came from Bakugou's mouth.
"I'm sorry."
It was his turn to widen his eyes and snap his head to Bakugou, the words not yet settling in his mind and registering it as real. Bakugou could visibly see the moment it did.
Midoriya's eyes thinned as unshed tears bubbled and blurred his vision, his nose and cheeks tinting pink and his body stiffening up. The sickeningly familiar notions of him crying, and normally Bakugou would be rearing back and turning his lip up at the sight of it, but this time he felt himself tear up too.
Neither of them said anything for a few drawn out moments, returning each other's gaze and taking it all in as much as they could.
"I'm sorry," Bakugou whispered again, hating the way he was always able to make him cry and hurt in some way. And once he muttered his regrets again, he couldn't stop the repetitive words coming out as his throat tightened and tears slipped out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.."
Midoriya nods his head, furrowing his brows and sniffling. He looked down as he fidgets, giving out a weak wet laugh and sniffling again. He nods again, for affirmative than the last.
A silent thank you.
And goodbye.
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