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Kaveh’s heart would always brim with love for someone who never spared as much as a glance at him. His whole world, his love, his heart soared in the skies high above only to drop down to his stomach when he realised; oh. Alhaitham never really liked him.
He let the taste of the sweet wine settle on his tongue, the bitter feeling in his heart outweighed it anyways.
Gazing over his shoulder to look at Alhaitham, he studied his features as if he were the creation of history’s greatest painters. His heart throbbed with every gulp of the drink Alhaitham drank, and he found his own mouth going dry.
What did Alhaitham feel about love? He wondered. Did he think it was foolish, to love another and waste one’s energy only to be repaid with a broken heart and bruised ego, or perhaps he felt a bit differently? Was he passionate, loving each and every part of his partner unabashedly?
“Love?” Alhaitham stared at him with drunken eyes, and only then Kaveh realized that he may have spoken out loud. Poor, drunken, lovesick soul.
The younger’s gaze fell to the cup of wine in his own hand, almost painfully. It made Kaveh nervous. He held his breath in, the painfully long wait did nothing to soothe his paranoia, he felt almost bare. Open, all for Alhaitham to explore and see.
“Love is a fickle thing,” Alhaitham seemed satisfied with his answer. “I don’t have time for it.”
Kaveh felt annoyed. “What does that mean?”
“It means that,” Alhaitham paused for a second. “Love is a luxury I cannot afford.”
This was exactly the reason why Kaveh hated asking Alhaitham about his opinions. Partly because Kaveh never agreed with them but also because his junior’s stuck-up and narcissistic ego made him seem all the more smug.
“Do you believe in love, Kaveh?” Oh yeah, Alhaitham was definitely drunk at this point.
“Love is stupid.” Kaveh answered honestly.
“Doesn’t seem that way to me.”
“Huh?”
Alhaitham stared at him intently in a way that made Kaveh squirm under his gaze. What a creep.
“Love isn’t stupid, Kaveh, by any means.” Kaveh watched as he turned back to take a swig out of his glass. “It’s pretty fun.”
“Don’t you lack the luxury of loving another?” He could feel his blood boiling, a natural outcome of almost all talks he had with Alhaitham.
He was too far in now, yet the pregnant pauses in their conversation did nothing to calm Kaveh down. His heart throbbed– with both love and pain . His heart was laden with the thorns of pain, gripping tightly. Why did he have to make this harder than it already was?
“I do. But..” Another dramatic pause.
“But…?” Kaveh picked up his trail.
“I forgot what I was about to say.”
Kaveh clicked his tongue in annoyance. If Alhaitham kept acting like this, he was sure to lose feelings for the other almost on the spot. It was as easy as that, Kaveh convinced himself.
“Love feels nice, doesn’t it?” Alhaitham questioned.
“This is out of my depth, the hell would I know?” Was this guy a little crazy? Maybe it was the alcohol catching up to him. “You’re raising this topic between two men who haven’t and will never experience love.”
“Not when I’ve got you on my mind all day. If that isn’t love, what is?”
The moment of silence that followed made Kaveh want to drown himself instead.
What.
What did Alhaitham just say?
Kaveh couldn’t believe his ears, his heart started racing and he suddenly found it harder to breathe. There's no way, not when Alhaitham acted so nonchalant about it—
“Ah, sorry. I meant, when you’ve got me on your mind all day.”
Oh.
So that’s what it was. A silly slip of tongue. Kaveh felt his heart come to a stop, his stomach churned maliciously, and he felt weird all over. Frozen in place.
Relief washed over his heart when he realized that he truly stood no chance. Alhaitham was and always will be right— love is a fickle thing. Kaveh was a fool to think otherwise. After all, what is a heart if not meant to be broken?
It was easier to leave now, to go and never look back. Although his heart let out pangs of sadness and the bittersweet memories flooded him, Kaveh would move on. Today, tomorrow, anyday. He’d move on.
They continued on with their night, drinking and laughing as if nothing abnormal happened before. It was just the night, the empty bottles and an emptier heart.
He had to move on.
The next morning Alhaitham woke up, fucked out and hung over from last night only to find six months of due rent and a neatly folded note and some legal documents. Alhaitham’s heart, too, brimmed with love for someone that would never be his. Not anymore, at least.