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Jiseok would like to think that he had a rather normal life. Graduating high school with a grade that earned him admission to his dream university in Seoul, then pursuing a degree in computer science, which was at the top of his list, and joining his university’s music band as he had always wanted to play the guitar. Everything was going smoothly and turning out the way he wanted. At least, it was. Somewhere along the course of his life, something had gone wrong, terribly wrong.
"You’re making it sound dramatic," Hyeongjun said while tuning his electric guitar on his bed, not sparing a glance at Jiseok, who was sprawled out on the floor between their beds. He hummed in satisfaction when he finally got the right tune for his guitar.
"No, Hyeongjun, you don't understand," Jiseok whined, fingers reaching up to pick at the strings of his acoustic guitar on the bed, all while still laying on the carpeted floor. "Why?" Hyeongjun placed his guitar down carefully and peered over the edge of his bed at Jiseok, "It’s just a crush—what’s wrong with that?"
"...on Jungsu-hyung. I have a crush on Jungsu-hyung, Hyeongjun." Jiseok covered his burning cheeks with his hands, feeling embarrassed to actually admit it out loud. Kim Jungsu, a Language Study junior. Kim Jungsu, the band’s cute keyboardist. Kim Jungsu, the one Jiseok was very much headed over heels with.
"Yeah, I know. Jungsu-hyung is nice, I don't see anything wrong with liking him." Hyeongjun shrugged, grabbing the small bag of jelly on the table beside his bed and tossing it at Jiseok, who let out an ‘oof’ when it landed on his chest.
Hyeongjun wasn’t wrong; Jungsu was nice—too nice for his own good. Jungsu always let Jiseok hug him when things got stressful, reassuring him that he still did great when he messed up during practice, giving Jiseok a bag of Jiseok’s favorite jelly whenever they coincidentally met on the campus ground, and offering a pat on the head if he didn't have any at the time.
Jiseok hadn’t realized his infatuation with Jungsu until one-day Jungsu decided to lie in his lap during a band practice break, so close that Jiseok could see the post-adolescence scar on Jungsu’s face as well as his own reflection in Jungsu’s eyes. Then Jungsu smiled up at him, and Jiseok felt a ‘thump’ somewhere inside him.
Oh.
Oh.
No fucking way.
Jiseok was in the middle of chewing on his jelly when there was a knock on their door, Jiseok and Hyeongjun looked up just in time when the door swung open, and someone by the name of Lee Jooyeon came barging in while carrying his bass on his back. "Do you guys wanna go grab lunch together before the practice?" Jooyeon sang-song while strutting into the room, stopping when he noticed Jiseok, "Why are you on the floor?"
Really, Jiseok wasn’t too troubled by the fact that he was madly in love with a guy. This wasn’t the point in his life where he had his sexual awakening because of a cute boy he met in university who happened to be his bandmate and him having to come to terms with his newfound sexuality. Although he kinda wished this was the reason behind his dilemma but no, this was not the case. The thing was, Jungsu was nice not only to Jiseok but also to everyone in general. Long story short, Jungsu was the human embodiment of an angel, and it pained him when Jungsu treated him the same way as everyone else.
They were just meeting up with the band’s drummer, Gunil, before their band practice at the cafeteria when Jiseok felt a hand on top of his head, ruffling his hair, and someone flopped down beside him. He turned to see Jungsu grinning up at him, and it punched the air out of his lungs. Jungsu quickly shoved a bag of jelly into Jiseok’s hoodie pocket before turning away, and Jiseok could only murmur a small ‘thanks’ with how steadily his stomach was doing somersaults.
But then Jungsu threw a candy pack at Jooyeon, who beamed, catching the sweets in mid-air and sending air kisses to the former, which he waved off with a laugh. And Jiseok only watched when Jungsu pulled Seungmin, another keyboardist in the band, into a friendly headlock.
What’s more is that Jungsu was particularly affectionate and very keen on expressing it physically. It wasn’t that Jiseok hated Jungsu for showing affection to the others; they were friends after all. But the fact that Jiseok wasn’t the only one on the receiving end of Jungsu’s gesture of compassion and affection shattered the tiny hope that Jiseok bore that Jungsu might be feeling the same way as him. And it sent an uncomfortable buzz to his stomach.
Jiseok didn’t want to be hopeful.
So he pretended he didn't notice Jungsu's smile from across the room, pretended he didn't care when Jungsu slid down beside him during the practice break, pretended Jungsu’s head on his shoulder wasn’t making him feel things, pretended Jungsu intertwining their fingers together didn’t make his heart beat like crazy. Jiseok could feel the heat radiating from Jungsu’s body, spreading warmth onto his cold skin, and the scent of Jungsu’s citrus shampoo from where his hair tickled Jiseok’s chin was making him dizzy; he had to bring himself back to his senses by shoveling jelly into his mouth.
Jungsu tapped his fingers on the back of Jiseok’s hand to get his attention, and Jiseok looked down to see his slightly agape lips. Jiseok stared for a moment, his brain short-circuiting, before catching on.
When Jiseok slipped a jelly into Jungsu’s mouth, his calloused fingers brushing against Jungsu’s lips, all Jiseok could think about was how soft Jungsu’s lips were and how they would feel against his lips. He retracted his hand almost immediately, as if he had just touched the first layer of hell, willing his thoughts by staring at their reflection in the mirror in front of them.
"It’s sweet," Jungsu whispered, and Jiseok shut his eyes, pushing the remark and its possible connotation to the back of his mind.
Kim Jungsu would be the death of him.
-
This is a very bad idea.
Jiseok eventually accepted Jooyeon’s invitation to play League of Legends, reasoning that playing games with Jooyeon would put his mind off Jungsu for a while. He needed to find a means to relieve the pent-up frustration he had accumulated somehow, and taking a walk with Seungmin almost every day did absolutely nothing to help with his feelings. But after losing against Jooyeon for the fifth time in a row, Jiseok thought he would rather follow Gunil and his hellish workout routine at the gym. It was as though God hated him when Seungmin later texted him, telling him that he went for a walk with Jungsu instead when Jiseok apologetically ditched him.
This thing that he had going on was starting to become unhealthy when Jungsu was constantly on his mind. He didn’t think Jungsu could have this much of an effect on him. And it was absolutely, fucking amazing.
He dropped his phone down beside him on the carpeted floor, staring up at the ceiling. Jooyeon was lying on Hyeongjun’s bed, still on his game, while the latter worked on some assignments at his table beside the bed. Jiseok contemplated for a moment before asking, "Jooyeon, what do you think about Jungsu-hyung?" He sucked in a breath when both Jooyeon and Hyeongjun looked over at him.
"Well, I guess Jungsu-hyung is okay?" Jooyeon raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I’m not sure in what way you’re asking about it," he laughed nervously. "Wait," he sat up on the bed as if he had just realized something, "do you like Jungsu-hyung?" the pitch of his voice just a tad higher.
Jiseok grimaced at the same time Hyeongjun called out to Jooyeon. Jooyeon let out a small ‘oh’.
"Um, okay," Jooyeon scratched the back of his neck, "but are you going to tell him about it?" his expressions softened, the game at the side long forgotten. Jiseok only shook his head weakly. Jooyeon turned to face Hyeongjun's empathetic gaze.
"I don’t think Jungsu-hyung likes me," Jiseok gestured towards the air, "at least not in that way." He chuckled, but it lacked humor. Jooyeon climbed down the bed and sat crossed-legged beside Jiseok, grabbing his hand as a form of comfort.
"You don’t know about that, do you?" Jooyeon played with his fingers. "I think he likes you the most out of all of us," Hyeongjun quipped, "and he always brings you your favorite jelly."
Jiseok’s cheeks flushed as he retorted, "What are you saying? He gives Jooyeon candy too."
Jooyeon made a little, perplexed noise. "If you mean for that one time, I blackmailed Jungsu-hyung into getting me those candies with his high school pictures—I can send you those, by the way—but I don’t think this is as hopeless as you think it is.” He leaned back against Hyeongjun’s bed, “He's been calling you cute and all that, he probably likes you."
"He calls Hyeongjun cute as well!"
"Jungsu-hyung literally tried to kiss you all the time," Hyeongjun deadpanned as Jiseok huffed. "Look, what I’m saying is that Jungsu-hyung probably likes you more than you’d think."
Jooyeon agreed, "Jungsu-hyung gravitates towards you most of the time, everyone notices that, I can't imagine any other reason other than he likes you."
Jiseok buried his face behind his hands, feeling his cheeks growing hot under Hyeongjun’s and Jooyeon’s stances.
"But what if I make a fool out of myself and Jungsu-hyung doesn’t like me back?" Jiseok rambled on.
"Things will get awkward between us, then our band will be in this weird dynamic where we will end up breaking up, and everyone will know that our band failed because the guitarist, Kwak Jiseok, was rejected by the keyboardist, Kim Jungsu. I can't have the whole university knowing that I'm a loser who was turned down and led to the university’s music band's downfall!"
"That’s not…" Hyeongjun trailed off, looking at Jooyeon, who was now wincing at Jiseok.
A weak grumble escaped Jiseok’s throat as he flipped over, laying face down on the floor, screaming into the carpeted floor.
Jiseok was convinced that he was going crazy.
(Jooyeon rolled his eyes, "Jiseok, you couldn’t possibly be this dumb. You’re a computer science major, for fucks sake, why can’t you put two and two together?" He threw Hyeongjun’s pillow at Jiseok’s head, "I’m telling you, Jungsu-hyung likes you!"
Jiseok screamed back in disagreement.
Hyeongjun let out a heavy sigh.)
-
It seemed like only yesterday that Jiseok's life was fitting into place, but now it seemed like karma was catching up with him for joining the university's music band behind his parent's backs. But that’s a story for another time. However, what Jiseok was trying to say was that he was a persistent man and that he hadn’t regretted any single decision that he had made, well, until now.
And Jiseok thought he was losing his mind.
Because Kim Jungsu, in all his glory, was seated less than a meter away, in his black and purple striped oversized sweater that still accentuated his wide shoulders, with only the two of them in the relatively small practice room but big enough to fit both Jiseok’s guitar and Jungsu’s keyboard. See, Jiseok wasn’t planning on doing band practice with anyone; it was personal practice anyway, but when Jungsu flung the door open and begged Jiseok to practice with him, Jiseok couldn’t say no. Jiseok couldn’t bring himself to say no to Jungsu.
And Jiseok was really trying to focus on practicing, trying to play the perfect key for the song that they had been practicing hundreds of times for the upcoming music festival, trying hard not to look at Jungsu as his fingers glided across the keyboard smoothly, his blonde hair falling over his eyes, his tongue darting out in concentration.
Maybe it was the love sickness in Jiseok, but Jungsu looked really good today.
Jiseok hadn't noticed when he stopped playing his guitar and began staring openly at Jungsu, and Jooyeon's impulsiveness must have rubbed off on him because he let his mouth run without a second thought.
"I think I like you."
Jiseok winced at the way his voice sounded, dropping his last guitar pick on the ground. He hadn’t thought this through and definitely hadn’t meant to let it out.
But the sound of the keyboard halted, and Jungsu froze in his place. Jiseok could physically feel himself stopping breathing and the way his heart started palpitating at inhuman rate.
Oh no.
Jiseok stared wide-eyed as Jungsu slowly turned around, squeaking out a faint "huh?" with red on the tips of his ears visible and blinking furiously at Jiseok.
Jiseok wanted to cry. This is it: Jungsu would yell at his face, rejecting him and breaking his heart just 2 weeks before the music festival, and all their hard work for the last three months would go down the drain, and Jiseok would end up getting shunned by the entire university for ruining the band. Or, Jungsu, being the good-natured person he was, would apologize for not reciprocating his feelings, blaming himself for giving Jiseok hope, which would make Jiseok feel bad for ever confessing. And honestly, Jiseok didn’t know which was worse.
But then, before Jiseok could even open his mouth to apologize, Jungsu wheeled his chair closer to Jiseok’s, bumping their knees together. Jiseok’s breath hitched at the contact, and he was suddenly more conscious, the urge to cry flew out the window.
"I heard you—you just said you liked me, did you mean it?" Jungsu breathed out, his eyes frantically searching for Jiseok’s.
"Jungsu-hyung, I-" At some point, Jiseok contemplated acting dumb or dismissing it as a joke, but the situation had already progressed to the point where he couldn't back down. Plus, Jungsu was staring at him with such anticipation that his conscience wouldn't allow him to lie.
The tension was heavy in the air and Jiseok found it hard to breathe. He hesitated to say anything, fearing that his voice would betray him. He learned, however, that Jungsu could be impatient sometimes, because another beat of silence passed and Jungsu let out a ‘tsk’, pulling him closer by his thighs and effectively trapping Jiseok in between his knees. Jiseok yelped and grabbed onto Jungsu’s arm, where his hands were still on Jiseok’s thighs.
Jungsu inched his face just a bit closer. "I like you a lot, Kwak Jiseok. I’ve liked you for so long, you idiot." His breath ghosted on Jiseok’s lips. And Jiseok felt the butterflies blooming inside him despite Jungsu calling him stupid amidst his confession. At this point, his cheeks were flushed and his breath visibly quickened. With the smirk that Jungsu sported, Jiseok figured that Jungsu enjoyed whatever he was doing to him.
His heartbeat was deafeningly loud and Jungsu looked absolutely pleased. Jiseok could feel the blood rising from his neck to his cheeks, and suddenly he was very, hyper aware of his surroundings—the sound of Junhan’s electric guitar a few rooms away, Seungmin’s singing voice in the distance, the feeling of Jungsu’s soft sweater’s material under his fingertips, and also Jungsu’s warm hands on his thighs, digging his nails into the muscles there.
Jungsu’s gaze flicked down to Jiseok’s lips for a split second, and Jiseok felt his heart catch in his throat, air leaving his lungs.
"Hyung," he called out, breathless. Jungsu wasted no time in crashing their lips together. Jiseok’s ears were immediately filled with static.
Jiseok sighed into the kiss, his eyelids fell shut, and his grip on Jungsu's arms tightened. It was slow, with their lips moving in a languid motion. But the fluttering feeling was there, settling in the pit of his stomach. It only took a slight tilt of the head for the kiss to deepen, and Jiseok almost physically combusted on the spot. Jungsu’s lips were soft and tasted of cherry, just like he had imagined.
The small noise their lips made when they separated was making him dizzy. His veins were still buzzing from the kiss, so he did the first thing that came to mind: he pulled Jungsu in by his neck for another kiss.
The kiss was rougher this time, both of them eager and impatient, with Jungsu pressing up against Jiseok and his hand slithering around Jiseok's waist to pull him impossibly closer. Jiseok circled his arms around Jungsu’s broad shoulders, fingers digging into the clothed skin. But when Jungsu dragged his tongue over Jiseok's bottom lip, he couldn't stop the groan from tearing at the back of his throat. Jiseok felt the brief smirk on Jungsu’s lips before the latter pulled away.
Jungsu didn't let their lips part for long before shoving Jiseok back into the chair, the force causing Jiseok to collide with the wall behind him. Jiseok felt the oxygen leaving his lungs. He reached out to grab Jungsu by his collar, and the older abided, planting a knee in between Jiseok’s thighs as he grabbed him by the jaw to reconnect their lips. With this new position, Jiseok had to tilt his neck back, and he was one hundred percent sure that his neck would be sore after this, but he didn’t mind, not when Jungsu’s hand was slowly traveling down from his jaw to his neck, nails scratching at the bare skin. And Jiseok's wandering hand moved to bunch at the fabric on Jungsu's waist, a silver span of skin peeking out from beneath his sweater, and the other tangled in the blonde locks, which he tugged at every now and then—Jungsu made a low, satisfied sound at it.
Then Jiseok felt a tug at his lips, so he parted them, and suddenly the kiss was all tongues. Jungsu pressed him against the chair harder as their tongues danced around each other.
Jiseok thought he would quite literally die.
Before he could let another groan slip past his parted lips, quick footsteps could be heard approaching the door. Just like that, all his senses returned, and he quickly pushed Jungsu off him by the chest, covering his mouth with the back of his hand and breathing heavily to regain oxygen.
Jungsu’s eyes widened at Jiseok’s sudden change in behavior, but before he could ask, the door to the room swung open. "Are you guys finished yet?" Jooyeon peeked his head into the room. "I was thinking of—" he paused, his face gradually twisting into one of disgust.
One look at Jungsu—messy hair, flushed cheeks, and lips swollen and glistening with spit—anybody could tell. Jiseok thought he couldn’t have looked any different. Both of them looked at Jooyeon like deer caught in the headlights.
"Jooyeon, wait—" Jungsu exhaled, his eyes widening in panic. However, Jooyeon merely shook his head, "No, nope," before backing out of the room and slamming the door behind him.
Jiseok stood abruptly, his chair making a huge clanging sound against the wall. He reached for the doorknob to chase after Jooyeon, but then Jooyeon screeched in the distance.
"Fuck me, Hyeongjun! They were fucking rubbing gums with each other in there!"
"Jooyeon!" Jungsu shrieked in horror, watching as the blood drained from Jiseok’s face.
Jiseok heaved shakily, sliding down the door, "It’s okay, they—" he mumbled through his labored breathing, motioning vaguely, "They know."
A slight grin replaced the panic on Jungsu’s face, and Jiseok gulped as the older approached him. Jungsu lowered himself just a few inches in front of Jiseok so that they were at the same eye level. Jiseok resisted the urge to look away because Jungsu was so close, too close.
"Know about what, hmm?" Jungsu's eyes twinkled with mischief, his lips drawn into a smug grin, "That you like me?"
Jiseok hated the way his stomach churned in pleasure. He was sure his face was as red as Hyeongjun’s guitar. He grumbled, turning away from the very, shameless Jungsu.
"Go away. I don’t like you anymore." Jiseok pushed at Jungsu’s chest; the latter grabbed his wrist and held it in his hand.
Then Jungsu laughed, loud and boisterous, but Jiseok didn’t hate it, not even a bit.
Jiseok pulled his hand back, grabbing Jungsu by the nape, and staring intently at his lips while biting down on his own, swollen one. It was Jungsu’s turn to become flustered. Before he could catch Jungsu’s lips in another liplock, soft knocks on the door shook Jiseok out of his wits, sending him forward towards Jungsu. Jiseok yelped, looking down at where he was hovering over Jungsu, knees on either side of the older’s waist, straddling his hips.
"Please, guys, we should’ve been finished with practice ten minutes ago. Can we please get dinner now?" Gunil pleaded from outside the room.
This earned a chuckle from Jungsu, and he smiled up at Jiseok before brushing a strand of hair behind Jiseok’s ear. At this, Jiseok leaned down to peck at Jungsu’s lips, and Jungsu wrapped his arms around Jiseok’s neck to keep him there, smiling into the kiss.
Maybe Hyeongjun and Jooyeon were right, this wasn’t as hopeless as he had thought. Not when Jiseok had Jungsu under him with the latter tugging at his bottom lips.
It wasn't until Seungmin screamed threats and murders from the other side of the door that Jiseok hurriedly scrambled off Jungsu.