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Chapter Text

Looming ahead of me, under the watchful gaze of the Jack of Hearts blimp, stood Teio Prison- the arena of my next game. It felt strange to be here, alone and on unfamiliar territory. But what else was there to do? I had been focusing on the King of Spades ever since this new stage began but I’d been forced to give up, partially because of my dwindling visa days and partially because of what happened to me, to my friends, only twenty four hours before. 

Could it have truly only been twenty four hours? It felt like a pitiful amount of time for my life to change so drastically- for all of my allies in this version of the world to be shot down and killed, our plan turning to ash right before my eyes. 

I hadn’t known them before coming here, to this cursed place, but we had met at a previous game and stuck together, forming the type of bond you only make in a life or death situation. When the King of Spades began his reign of terror, we had hidden, plotted, and then tracked him down the moment we felt prepared. The plan had been to kill him, of course, or at least aid the brave souls that dealt the final blow. But instead…

I had no choice but to seek out a new game. It was devastating to just go on as if nothing had happened, as if I hadn’t spent hours mourning their loss before finally making my way here from across the city. But if I didn’t, if I just laid down and died, then what would’ve been the point of them dying? I had to keep going. For them. For myself. 

Which was how I found myself standing outside of the prison, admitting myself like some sort of guilt-ridden criminal. 

There was no more time to waste. I resumed my walk towards the prison gates, internally praying that I would make it out of here alive. And, if the gods allowed, with my last scrap of humanity intact. This is currently the lowest hearts game, I reminded myself. Even though I knew deep down that this would probably be harder than any game I had taken part in yet, sans the King of Spades. I heard about the ten of hearts game that took place at a resort and the bloodbath that occurred. If this was worse than that… I just had to focus. All of my allies were gone. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else but myself. If this game required me to be heartless, I would do it. 

Upon entering the prison, I noticed a couple in business attire standing before a table and made my way towards them. They each took a metal ring from in front of them and placed it around their necks, the intuitive device snapping closed automatically. They didn’t even spare me a glance and moved on before I could take a look at the signage or pick up a metal collar for myself. There was nothing else to do- I mirrored their actions and then did precisely what the sign said and headed upstairs. 

It felt infinitely strange to be inside a prison. Before I came here, I had always stayed on the right side of the law, and I didn’t have any family or friends who wound up in trouble either so this was completely untrodden ground to me. Now, however, I had blood on my hands, as did probably everyone else in the building. As was the nature of this world, I supposed. 

There weren’t many of us currently, all standing in a circular room on the upper floor of the prison, and everyone save for the couple were in complete silence. The woman seemed intent on giggling into the man’s ear, and the man seemed intent on keeping a cold, brooding expression on his face. Then they disappeared off down the hall and I found myself frowning. Could we venture around this place? Everyone else seemed intent on standing here quietly, waiting, but if we could get a good look around before the actual game started then that could all be used to my advantage. Knowledge was power, after all. 

I slowly began to meander around the central room, trying not to make it look like I was following the couple, although I was suspicious about where they had gone. I peered around, at the giant TV screens, the other halls, down the stairs I had just come up, and eventually I came to the hall the couple had gone down, which had heavy doors lining both sides and a caged space in the floor where you could see through to downstairs. I took one step down the hall before a voice said, “I wouldn’t do that.”

I froze, my eyes snapping onto the figure leaning against the wall, clad in a white jacket with the hood pulled up. 

I made a confused noise, halfway between a hmm and a what? The stranger looked at me, his expression bored, eyes half-lidded. Strands of longish blond hair, clearly dyed, framed his face. 

“I wouldn’t,” he repeated, “if I were you.”

I was about to ask why when a sound punctuated the silence, quiet and breathy but unmistakably… I felt myself flush. The stranger raised his eyebrows as if to say see? 

I decided to put an end to my exploring and settled on the other side of the opening. There were some things I definitely didn’t need to see. Instead, I did what everyone else was doing and stood quietly, waiting. Another glance at the stranger in the white hoodie showed he was also observing. Despite his laid back demeanour with his hands in his pockets, I could tell he was taking in information. 

Even from this angle, with him facing forward and his hood and hair obscuring part of his face, I couldn’t deny that he was, well… good looking. It seemed stupid to even think about it considering where we were and what was going on, but I couldn’t help it. There was something about him. 

I forced myself to look away before he caught on to my staring, and instead looked at everyone else. A couple more people had arrived and were standing around, waiting. How many were we waiting for before this cursed game would begin? 

All of a sudden, the couple materialised from the hallway that myself and the stranger were standing either side of. The woman looked frazzled, her eyes wide and a flush spread across her cheeks as she daintily clasped her hands and looked towards the man for direction. He looked exactly as he had before and didn’t hesitate to lead her over to the side, where they could stand out of the way. Myself and the stranger met eyes as the couple moved out of the way, sharing a knowing gaze that passed by in a moment but still left me feeling slightly nervous. Was it normal for a man’s eyes to be so arresting? I looked away and stared at the floor instead. That was a safer option. 

Finally, a lanky guy in a blue shirt climbed the stairs and stood in the doorway, and then the screens lit up and the usual, robotic voice greeted us and began to explain the rules. 

Apparently, the game was called Solitary Confinement and we would have to go into a prison cell and guess the suit on the back of our collars every round. Instantly, I saw people messing with the collars, trying to pull them around or move them. They only stopped when the automated voice reminded them that the collar would explode if you got the answer wrong. All of a sudden they didn’t seem as eager to mess with it anymore. 

Just then, a voice piped up from beside me. “But we just need to have someone tell us what it is, right?” He said, sounding almost amused. “That’ll be easy.”

I glanced at him, taking in his dungarees and the endearing but slightly naïve smile on his face. What he had said was true, but it was whether you trusted whoever you were asking to tell you the truth. I offered him a small smile and was about to say as much, when the stranger in the hoodie spoke up instead.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he said. “They haven’t told us how to clear the game.”

The robotic voice came through the speakers again. “Solitary Confinement is a test of how much you can trust others. In addition, the Jack of Hearts has secretly joined the game as one of the participants.”

Now that was a shock. I glanced over all the people before me, trying to imagine one of them as the Jack. 

“See?” the guy in the hoodie drawled. “There it is.”

“One of us is the Jack of hearts,” one of the other men said, a statement instead of a question. 

“Clear condition,” the voice said, and everyone’s attention went back to the screens. “Every hour, this will be repeated. The game is cleared when the Jack of Hearts, who is hiding amongst you, is killed.”

Shit , I thought to myself. This wasn’t just a case of who you could trust. This could turn into a bloodbath. I could imagine that people would lie even without the threat of the Jack amongst us, simply because of the bloodthirsty world we found ourselves in. But throw that in and suddenly the idea of lying to protect yourself seemed all too easy. I looked over all of the people in the room again. How was I meant to know who I could trust? 

The automated voice went over prohibited activities, including using reflective surfaces to see your suit yourself, but I couldn’t make myself focus on that. I had to find an ally, that much was clear, and then I had to just hope that we could make it through this game together. And, despite how much it hurt to think about, I couldn’t stop my mind from going back to the friends I’d lost only yesterday. If I’d had even one of them with me then we could’ve got through this easily. This type of game would be a breeze for a group of established allies. If only we had come here instead of attempting to take down the blasted King of Spades. 

“In other words,” hoodie guy said, taking me out of my thoughts, “until the Jack fails to answer correctly and dies, this game won’t end. Which means, unless we lie to the Jack, we can’t clear this game.”

I nodded slowly, although I wasn’t sure if he was speaking to the group or any one of us specifically. 

The voice then went on to explain that there wasn’t a time limit and that there were unlimited supplies in the building. Plus, our visa would be paused while we were here. In other words, this was our home until we flushed out the Jack. 

“Unless we lie like crazy and eliminate anyone suspected of being the Jack,” hoodie guy spoke up again, clarifying my thoughts, “we’ll be in this prison forever.” Then he laughed to himself but it was short and humourless. “A life sentence, huh?”

And then, after that abundance of information, it was time for the game to start. Right , I thought to myself, time to pick an ally .

Chapter Text

If I was being smart, it would make sense to try and quickly work out the most harmless person in the room. I knew that looks could be deceiving- that woman who looked like an innocent housewife could very easily be the Jack- but it made sense to me to try and find another woman and stick by her. Call that intuition or just plain naivety but to me, it seemed like a good idea. 

However, this was a game of life or death. I might just die today. And, if I listened to the irrational part of my brain, it told me to try and ally with the good looking guy in the white hoodie to the left of me, for no reason other than he was nice to look at and seemed smart. He could very easily be the Jack and that decision could very well spell my death. But at this point… it might just be fun.

Wow , I thought to myself, have I got stupider? Picking the right ally right now was everything and my only reasoning behind my decision was completely irrational. I glanced to my left. While others in the room had begun discussing and hesitantly teaming up, this guy didn’t seem to be in any rush, nor did anyone else look as though they would come over and ask him. Fuck it. 

But before I could say anything, the guy to my right in the dungarees spoke up instead. “Hey,” he said to me, “I’ll tell you what symbol you have if you tell me mine.”

For a split second I was surprised, but then I realised that I could make this work for me. I had just been given an excuse to ask hoodie guy to team up as well. 

I nodded enthusiastically. “Sure, let’s team up,” I said before turning my attention to the guy on my left. “And you as well. A trio will work best.”

He just raised his eyebrows at me slightly. “And how do I know you’re not the Jack?”

“You don’t. Just like I don’t know if you are,” I countered. “But if we’re in a three then no one can lie.”

“It’s harder to lie but not impossible.” God, did this guy have an answer for everything? “Still, everyone’s broken up into groups already so…” He gave the faintest of shrugs. That was good enough for me. 

Despite my better nature, I smiled to myself. I knew that no game would be easy- especially not a face card game- and I knew that I had no reason to trust my newfound allies other than my own intuition, but I couldn’t help but feel as though things had fallen into place, at least for the time being. 

Then I remembered we didn’t even know each others’ names. 

“Oh,” I said, “I’m Izumi, by the way.”

Hoodie guy raised an eyebrow. “I know,” he said. “Everyone’s names are on the screen.”

Of course they were. I instantly felt stupid, the telltale heat of embarrassment creeping up my neck. I had been looking at the screen hadn’t I? So how did I miss that? But now I had made myself look like a fool, like I was oblivious. An easy target for the Jack. There was nothing I could do about it now, though.

Not wanting to look stupid again, I looked up at the array of pictures and names on the screen and tried to commit them all to memory. These people were all technically enemies to me, and it would do me well to remember that. But I was inclined to trust the two guys beside me, even though I had nothing to base that trust on. Chishiya, the guy with the hoodie, was clearly smart, but he seemed closed off. Cold. Or maybe that was just the demeanour he was choosing to put out. Still, I needed to remember to be at least a little wary of him, no matter how good looking he was. If knowledge was power, then he was clearly the most powerful out of the three of us. 

As for Ippei, the guy in the dungarees, he seemed like Chishiya’s opposite. He didn’t seem stupid by any means, just naive. Happy-go-lucky in a sort of endearing way. It made me wonder about what his previous games had been like if he still possessed some form of positivity, but I wasn’t complaining. In a way, it was refreshing, a break from the usual doom and gloom. My friends would’ve loved him . The thought slipped in uninvited and instantly made me sad. I did my best to shove it away. Nothing good would come from thinking things like that now. And I needed to be more perceptive if I wanted any sort of chance of succeeding in this game. I needed to focus. 

Right , I thought to myself, allies secured. Now what’s next? 

Some of the other players had dispersed already, going deeper into the prison and presumably getting used to the surroundings and facilities of the game arena. That didn’t seem like a bad idea. I was about to propose it to the others when a girl in a blue dress swept over to us, followed by a gaggle of other players who all seemed nervous by the very prospect of being here. Unless one of them was an extremely good actor, I doubted that any of them could be the Jack. As for the girl, Urumi, though, I was currently undecided. She had already gathered a substantial team and imposed herself as their leader, which made her seem more dangerous than the others in my eyes. Or maybe that was just paranoia. For now, I couldn’t be sure.

“Would you like to join our group?” Urumi asked sweetly, directing her attention towards Ippei, who looked visibly stressed in response.

“Er…” he said, glancing towards Chishiya and I.

I willingly took the reins. “Oh, it’s okay. We-” I started, fully intending to say no. But Chishiya cut me off before I could.

“Sure,” he said. “We’ll work with you.”

“Great! The more the merrier,” Urumi replied before practically skipping off, the others trailing behind her like a band of lost puppies. 

I frowned. What the hell was he playing at? But I wasn’t left wondering for long. The moment that Urumi was out of earshot, Chishiya said under his breath, “Better to keep an eye on them.” 

It made sense but I still couldn’t help but be irritated. There was something about Urumi that I couldn’t place, something that made me feel as though we’d just willingly stepped into the lion’s den. 

She settled at the wooden podium in the centre of the room, standing towards the group and further confirming that she was the leader. Then she turned around, moved her hair out of the way and asked everyone to tell her what her suit was. But instead of everyone answering in unison to guarantee that no one would lie, one girl stepped forward and shyly told Urumi her suit, to which everyone else agreed. I felt myself frowning again. Clearly, there were flaws to this set up. Still, I stayed quiet and kept my thoughts to myself. We had joined this alliance but Chishiya, Ippei and I still stood together at the back of the group. If things started to go wrong I would just have to hope that the three of us would at least be able to trust one another. 

We went around, everyone taking it in turns to stand before the group and be told their suit. Then, everyone dissolved into idle conversation, mostly nervously wondering about the game and the identity of the Jack. 

Ippei seemed to be the sort to chat when he was nervous, and so the two of us ended up speaking quite a bit. Chishiya, on the other hand, stayed quiet for the most part, still standing with us but looking out at everyone else. Watching. Every so often he would add something into our conversation- an observation or something that could only be categorised as gossip- before going back to leaning against the wall and watching everyone. 

Five minutes before the round ended, the automated voice came back to tell us it was time to get into a prison cell. The chatter died down, replaced by a heavy silence as everyone filed into the cells, the heavy doors swinging shut and locking instantly. There was no more time for deliberation now. The only thing left to do was make our guesses. Chishiya, Ippei and I went into cells next to one another. Ippei hesitated, throwing a nervous look to the both of us, but Chishiya ignored him and went straight in. 

“It’ll be okay,” I told him, and then stepped into my cell as well. 

It was a tiny space, filled with dust and debris, as if some sort of incendiary device had gone off inside and no one had tidied since- which made a strange sort of sense, all things considered. Based on the few instances of prisons I had been exposed to through the media and one singular episode of a prison break TV show, I had been imagining a hard cot bed squeezed between a metallic sink and the white-washed wall. However, there was nothing of the sort. Actually, there was a sink, along with a matching toilet, but they seemed overly normal compared to the ones I had been thinking of, and the white lacquer was out of place among the dusty surroundings. There was no bed. Not even a chair or a hard, stone bench. Nowhere to sit or give any sense of comfort which, in a way, made sense. I suppose they didn’t want us getting too comfortable, even if this game could go on forever. 

Suddenly, the automated voice was back, asking me what my suit was. I tried and failed to not flinch before taking a deep breath. I was fairly certain I hadn’t been lied to, but there was still that lingering paranoia. It was the first round- what reason would people have to lie to me? But similarly, what reason did they have to tell the truth?

“Spade,” I said, my voice coming out tinted by nervousness. There were an unbearable few moments where nothing happened. Then the door behind me audibly clicked open and I found myself sighing with relief.

I quickly stepped back out into the hallway and was met with the semi-familiar faces of the other contestants. It wasn’t immediately apparent to me if someone was missing, but nobody seemed any more distressed than before we had gone in. In that case, I felt it was safe to assume we had all made it through the first round, including the dreaded Jack. The result was a double-edged sword; we all made it, but it meant we had to do it again. 

Ippei was practically shaking like a leaf beside me so I shot him the most confident smile I could muster. “See,” I told him, “everything’s fine.”

“Everything’s just beginning,” Chishiya corrected me. God, did his hands ever leave his pockets? He was still the perfect picture of calm, despite the fact he had an exploding collar clasped around his neck. If you ignored the backdrop and, well, the incendiary device acting as a necklace, you could imagine him just about anywhere. Was there anything that could rattle that blank demeanour?

“But we made it,” I said, turning back to Ippei. If Chishiya wasn’t bothered by our teammates' clear distress, then I supposed the job of looking after him was automatically delegated to me. “Let’s go get a snack or something.”

I led Ippei down the hall, past some other contestants who were dawdling and hoped that Chishiya was following silently behind us. I took the opportunity to look at Ippei’s collar and relayed his suit to him, and the reminder that we had something to do- that we had a goal and weren’t just traipsing around in this dingy old prison for fun- was enough to seemingly bring him back to the present, returning some of the peppy enthusiasm that he had started out the game with. Then he did the same for me, telling me my suit, and I instantly felt a little better- that little morsel of knowledge dampening a feeling of anxiety I hadn’t noticed previously. It only struck me when I turned around to Chishiya- when I reminded myself that both Ippei and I should tell him his suit at the same time to ensure we told the truth- that neither Ippei or I had thought of that when we told each other our suits just moments before. I felt I could trust him, and seemingly he thought the same of me, but was that just what he wanted me to think? For a brief, maddening moment I considered the idea of Ippei being the Jack, and using this naive persona to trick me. 

But then I caught Chishiya’s gaze and saw he wasn’t alarmed by Ippei and I’s interaction. He had been behind us and, while he stayed silent, he had verified that we had both been telling the truth. Otherwise he would have spoken up… right? I tried not to let the doubt eat at me and instead kept doing what I had originally been doing. Ippei and I told Chishiya his suit in unison and then we kept going on our journey downstairs, towards the stores of food and water. 

“We should reconvene with Urumi,” Chishiya said as we entered what appeared to be a storeroom or cafeteria or some fusion between the two. 

I couldn’t help but frown. “Why? I don’t think we need her.” Plus she gave me the creeps. One could only be so peppy before it came off as false. 

Chishiya’s face stayed characteristically blank, frozen in a place just shy of smug. “You won’t be saying that later in the game.” 

“If the three of us stick together, we won’t need her at all. Not now or later.”

“Better to keep her close,” he said simply. “Let’s not make unnecessary enemies.”

I turned my attention to the shelves of supplies, not wanting to agree with him. He was right enough, but so was I. What could we gain from being part of a big group like that if the three of us were always being honest with each other? And it wasn’t as though it was a normal group of people, all trying to help each other. From what I could tell, there was only a single backbone between them and it belonged to Urumi, with her disarming voice and appearance. Did we really want to slot ourselves in with people like that? A dictator and her loyal followers?

“What do you think, Ippei?” I asked without turning around. It was a feeble attempt to avoid having to agree or disagree with Chishiya but it was the only one I could think of. Plus, our third had been quiet for too long. He seemed to remember his fear when he was quiet, so I wanted to keep him talking. 

I picked a couple of snacks from the shelves, just packets of biscuits and savoury crackers. Honestly, the whole being-in-a-game thing had stolen my appetite, but if I made it out of here I knew I would want something to eat afterwards. I stuffed my pockets while I could and imagined tucking into them later in a den of my own making, up in the rafters of a warehouse or the backrooms of a shopping centre, with all important days on my visa and memories of this game as just that- memories. If I lied to myself, I could pretend that I would be out of here tonight, before night even fell. It was a pretty delusion. 

“Errr…” Ippei said. When I turned around, he was glancing between Chishiya and I in quick succession. “I guess we should stay friendly with Urumi.”

Great. 

“Ippei, you’re meant to agree with me,” I joked, punching him softly on the arm. I purposely avoided Chishiya’s gaze, although I could feel the smugness permeating the very air. “Come on, then. Let’s go find her.” 

Chapter Text

Urumi was holding council in the circular room where we had all started off in and, despite being very much into the second round, the group was still in the midst of telling each other their symbols. The three of us silently joined the outskirts of the small crowd, watching the nonsense that was their tactic. Urumi was always the first to say the suit, the others hovering uselessly as though waiting for permission to speak. Then, once Urumi had spoken, they all almost jumped over each other to be the first to agree with her. It was sickening. 

The disgust must’ve been clear on my face because Chishiya elbowed me in the side, probably telling me to watch my face. I elbowed him right back, hoping he got the correct message of shut the fuck up . And when I chanced a glance at him, he had the audacity to be smirking. Honestly, he was lucky he was good looking. 

This back and forth between Urumi’s group went on for a little longer before the quiet talking was punctuated by a shout that echoed in the sparse hall. My head snapped to the side, where two men emerged from one of the hallways behind me. Well, maybe emerged was the wrong word for it. The older of the two pushed the other one into the room, making him fall. From this close I could see the telltale sign of tears threatening to fall from the young man’s eyes as he looked up at his aggressor from the floor. What the other guy’s problem was, I didn’t know. He was demanding to know his symbol, but what good was pushing around your ally? To me, he seemed drunk, but he must’ve come to the game like that since I hadn’t seen any alcohol in the short time we were downstairs in the storeroom. Coming to a game drunk was like signing your own death warrant. What an idiot. 

When he swung for the man on the floor again, I went to shout- what, I don’t know- but the older man was just doing it as an imitation tactic and backed off, swaying and muttering under his breath. Then another man was kneeling next to the one on the floor- Banda, if I was remembering correctly- and helped him to his feet. But not before whispering something that made my blood run cold. 

“Tell him ‘club.’” 

Then the older man was upon him again, cursing and making threats. And so, as he demanded to be told his suit, the younger man sputtered out, “Club.” Satisfied, the older man left him alone, stalking off and revealing his collar to us all, who watched silently. On his collar was a diamond. Just like that, he was a dead man walking. And all because of Banda, who looked completely unaffected at having just sent a man to his death. 

Ippei must’ve spotted the collar because he gasped. He was about to say something when Chishiya quickly shushed him, stopping him in his tracks. It was awful, but it was better that Ippei didn’t speak up. We were all actively choosing to let this happen, and if Ippei became outspoken it was a surefire way for him to get on the Jack’s kill list. Speaking of, Banda seemed pretty suspicious now. But if he was the Jack, why would he do that in plain sight of all of us? Why would he do that at all?

“What the hell?” Ippei whispered, after the older man was out of earshot. We made eye contact and he repeated himself even quieter. 

“It’s fine,” I whispered back, the phrase quickly becoming a mantra. “That man was hurting people. It… makes sense.”

“Nothing about this makes sense,” Ippei said, his eyes wide with terror. 

“Is this your first game?” Chishiya asked spitefully. He seemingly had no patience with Ippei and his nervousness. 

Ippei shook his head. “But this is people killing people. If we all told the truth we would all live.”

“But then we would all be stuck here forever,” I reminded him. He didn’t have an answer for that. 

The time came for us to go into the cells again and I found myself gravitating to the same one as last time. Or, at least, I thought it was the same one. It was close to impossible to tell unless I started counting doors or something, which I wasn’t prepared to do. I offered a reassuring smile to Ippei again, but he wasn’t looking. His eyes were trained on the older man, who swung his own cell door open violently and barreled through, none the wiser to the fact he was about to die. I tried not to think about it as I stepped into my own cell, the door locking behind me. 

Again, the automatic voice asked me my suit and again I answered it, putting my faith in Ippei and my belief that he was genuine. I breathed a sigh of relief as I was let out of the cell again, even though I knew that not all of us had made it. Sure enough, the man who had seemed drunk was missing from the crowd, and while he hadn’t had any allies, there was still a thick silence that settled over everyone- the knowledge that any one of us who had been present in the circular room only a matter of minutes before could’ve saved him. We had all actively chosen not to.

It was a horrible thought, but I knew this death would not be the last. Now that the first one had happened, it seemed all too easy to lie and get someone killed and get away with it. Already, people were looking between each other, questioning the alliances they had made and whether they truly needed them. What a bloodthirsty bunch, indeed. 

Ippei had frozen outside of his cell, as if the death of the man only felt real now that he was no longer standing amongst us. I linked my arm through his silently and pulled him along as I followed Chishiya to where Urumi had once again gathered with her group in the circular room. She was whispering to a couple of the women around her, but when she noticed us joining her- her little group becoming complete- she turned her attention to where the nervous young man was standing in the entrance to the hallway, his eyes on the floor and his hands furiously picking at each other. 

“Look at him,” she said, as if we weren’t already. “He killed that man. He’s dangerous.”

He was clearly not dangerous, but I kept that to myself as the others closest to Urumi began to agree with her. It was only as her cursed lips curved into a conspiratory smile that my heart began to sink. I knew exactly what was coming next but it still made me feel ill all the same. 

“We should get rid of him,” she said, “before he gets rid of us.”

“What?” One of the women piped up, but it didn’t take long for Urumi to convince her and soon the entire group was in on it. They were going to lie to the young man to get him killed, under the flimsy guise that he was the Jack. All of us had seen Banda tell him what to say. All of us had seen him pushed to the brink before repeating Banda’s words. The older man’s death was so clearly on Banda’s head but yet we were planning on eliminating the innocent man that got caught up in it. Make it make sense. 

“She won’t stop at just him,” I said under my breath. “This is how everyone dies.”

The scariest part was that everyone was letting this happen. Urumi was suggesting homicide and everyone was nodding along placidly, like this was completely normal. They would let her kill someone as long as it wasn’t them. 

“This is hell,” Ippei said quietly from beside me. I could feel him shaking from where our shoulders were just grazing each other.

“Yes,” I agreed. Then I took one of the snacks from my pockets and passed it to him. “But at least we have biscuits.”

Chapter Text

“So now we split,” I said to Chishiya and Ippei, just off from Urumi and her gaggle of followers. “She’s proved she’s mental. Let’s just cut our losses and keep operating as a trio.” Then another idea popped into my mind. “Actually, we can recruit that guy she’s after. We’ll grab him after she’s lied to him and convince him to believe us. He’s clearly not the Jack.”

“Unless that’s what he wants you to think,” Chishiya said. I was starting to think he was just opposing me on purpose, just for something to do.

“He’s not the Jack,” I repeated. That was something I was certain of. “And if we can get him to not trust Urumi and listen to us instead then maybe we can start getting the others from that group to do the same. Then all we have to do is lie to Urumi and game over.”

“You think she’s the Jack?” Chishiya asked. 

“Do you not?”

“I think she’s a possibility. Just like everybody else.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, yes. But her and that Banda guy are sketchy. Out of everyone, they’re my main suspects.”

“Banda is allied with Matsushita,” Chishiya said, “So unless you have a plan to infiltrate their duo, he’ll be hard to dispose of.”

“So we go after Urumi and work that out later.”

Ippei sighed. “The way you two speak about people is… horrible”

“We have to be ruthless,” I told him. “Unless you never want to get out of here. You must agree that what Urumi is doing is wrong. And what reason would she have to act like this if she wasn’t the Jack?”

“Maybe she’s just crazy,” Chishiya added, looking amused. 

“Well, at least you agree with me about something.”

Ippei looked over my shoulder. “Should we go and speak to that man, then?”

I turned around to see that he was in the same place as he had been before, his face shiny with sweat and, possibly, tears. The other people seemed to be giving him a wide berth, as if he had acted out of pure viciousness instead of being influenced by someone else; as if he hadn’t done the very thing the game had asked us to do. I was certain that everyone in this room had killed before, whether directly or not. At this point, if you’d made it to here without killing, you were either extremely lucky or in denial. The only person that gave me pause was Ippei, but perhaps he truly had been fortunate in his previous games. 

“Yeah,” I said, “let’s go.” 

But the moment I said it, to my surprise, Urumi swept over to the young man. She placed a delicate hand on his shoulder as she spoke to him, leaning down slightly due to the extra height she had on him. He visibly flinched but otherwise didn’t move as she spoke to him briefly and then led him over to where her group was waiting. Then, before our eyes, she lied to him. And nobody objected. 

“She really did it,” Ippei whispered, as if he had had faith for just a moment that she wouldn’t. 

Chishiya breathed a laugh. “Things are really getting interesting now.”

We waited until Urumi went off with a couple of her followers, demanding they get her snacks, and then Chishiya nodded in the man’s direction. 

“Off you go then.”

I blinked. “You guys aren’t coming?” Then I thought about it properly. “Actually, you’re right,” I said to the permanently smug man beside me, as much as it pained me to say so. “You’ll scare the poor man. But Ippei could come.”

“Best not to overwhelm him,” was all Chishiya said and then I was crossing the circular room alone. 

I passed Banda and his nervy, emo-looking partner, deliberately avoiding eye contact. The pair of them gave me the creeps and I didn’t need anything else throwing me off from my task. Some of the other contestants remained upstairs as well, including a pair of middle aged men, and I passed them as well before I finally stood in front of my target. The anxious man didn’t even look up as I approached. Or when I cleared my throat. It was like he was frozen in place. A man turned statue. 

“Hello,” I said softly. It felt a bit stupid but I was trying my best not to scare him. The man quickly shot a glance in my direction before looking back at his hands, which were shaking and picking at one another. Met with his silence, I spoke again. “Do you want to come hang out with us?” I said, gesturing behind me. Ippei and Chishiya stood there staring, neither making the effort to look overly pleasant or inviting. 

If anything, that just made him look even more terrified. “N-no,” he said. Honestly, fair enough. But this wasn’t the sort of mission I could just give up on. 

“We really want to speak to you,” I told him. I wanted to just come out and say it. I wanted to stop trying to coax him into trusting me like he was some sort of skittish wild animal and instead tell him that he was on a fast track to his death. But something told me that wouldn’t exactly go down well. 

If it was possible to tremble more, this man achieved it. “No thank you,” he said. Then he shifted ever so slightly away from me- a dismissal if ever I saw one. 

“Look,” I said, unable to help the edge from creeping into my voice. “That girl, Urumi, is bad news. She didn’t tell you the truth.” Silence. “She lied because she thinks you killed that man. But I know what happened. We know what happened,” I repeated, gesturing again to my allies who were waiting across the room. “We want to help you. But you have to trust us.”

For a moment, I was stupid enough to think that my idea had worked- that this nervous wreck of a man was convinced by my very unconvincing speech, in a game that was all about paranoia and lying and whether you can trust the people around you. And, when it came down to it, who would you believe? A pretty girl in a pretty dress, with her cute hairstyle and soft voice, or the girl in a grubby hoodie who was probably wide-eyed and desperate looking from the stress of trying to save a random man’s life? 

The man didn’t even bother to answer. He just turned his back on me and went back to picking at his hands and staring at the floor. I wanted to curse him in my head, but then I put myself in his shoes. If it was me, alone and without allies, I would probably be inclined to trust Urumi as well. 

I turned on my heel, stalking back to Chishiya and Ippei, hating how the former looked smug about my clear failure. 

“No luck?” he seemed to enjoy asking. I glared. 

“Maybe you should’ve gone,” I said to Ippei. “Since you’re both…” I trailed off, unsure how to phrase that they were both of nervous dispositions without it coming out as an insult. “...kind.” How I chose that adjective out of the air, I don’t know. Chishiya raised an eyebrow. Even Ippei looked confused. 

Eventually, Chishiya said, “Well, too bad. Back to Urumi we go.”

“Back to the murderer,” I muttered, irritated. But there was nothing else to do. Better to not make ourselves her next targets, even if she couldn’t unseat us as easily. 

The rest of the round came and went and, sure enough, the anxious young man died. It wasn’t a surprise when he didn’t come out of his cell but it still made me feel something, although I wasn’t sure what. By now, I was numb to the endless deaths of strangers, of people I’d shared passing glances with in games and out in the streets alike. But I had spoken to him. I’d had a chance to save him and messed it up. If I’d said something else, would he still be alive? An extra ally for us? It was frustrating that he hadn’t listened to me, but the moment that thought came to mind I felt guilty for it. The last thing I wanted to do was blame his death on him. No, through everything, the villains were the gamemakers- the ones who kept all of these wicked games in session. Even if people like Urumi or Banda or whoever else cropped up, I tried my best to remember that they wouldn’t have the grounds to do these monstrous things if there wasn’t the excuse of the games. These days you could murder someone in cold blood and blame the games. Remorse had become a strange, rare thing. 

For this round we found ourselves downstairs again, in the cafeteria. Urumi had settled on a long table, eating a lollipop with her most loyal followers sitting around her. Chishiya and I sat a little further down, not directly beside them but close enough to hear their chatter. Close enough to still be included in the group and close enough for me to observe the way those closest to Urumi no longer leaned towards her like plants towards the sun. Now they seemed to hold themselves more rigid, as though they were afraid to make any sudden movements and draw attention to themselves. Ah , I thought, they’ve realised what’s happening. They had seen Urumi make a false accusation and force the others into acting on it, and now they were cautious not to give her any reason to do the same to them. 

Ippei had started to pace slightly, just a couple steps back and forth. I wanted to say something to make him calm down but what could I say? He could see what was happening and it would be rude to act as though he couldn’t. However, he seemed to be taking it the worst out of all of us. Like the anxious man who had just died, his forehead shone with sweat. Was he panicking that he would be next? Surely he could see that I wouldn’t let that happen. Chishiya was harder to read, but even if Ippei was questioning his trust with him he could see that he could trust me, right? But paranoia was like an infestation. It started slow and quiet, barely even a whisper in your subconscious. But then it built up, escalating until you felt as though you couldn’t even trust your friends, your own instincts even.  I had to try and save him from getting to that point before it swallowed him whole. 

Urumi let the others chat for a bit, looking bored as she ate her lollipop. Then, she banged on the table lightly, immediately getting everyone’s attention and scaring the life out of Ippei. 

“That woman,” she said conspiratorially. “When we were planning to lie to that guy she was against it. Why don’t we get rid of her?” The way she said it was although she was suggesting we all go somewhere for lunch, or like she was starting a discussion on what movie we should all watch. She was so casual in her proposition for murder. 

God , I thought to myself, she doesn’t mess around . While her moving onto another target didn’t surprise me in the slightest, I was shocked to see her doing it so quickly. I figured she would wait at least another round before attacking again. But, in a twisted way, it made sense. Strike while the iron is hot, before the panic really sets in and everyone stops trusting you. 

And, to no one’s surprise, the ones sitting closest to Urumi agreed, although they did so after a brief pause- momentarily stunned by her suggestion. I looked at Chishiya pointedly, wanting to reinstate my point that we should be going very far away from this complete psycho, but he purposely wouldn’t look at me. As for Ippei, he was frozen, his mouth ajar. 

The woman in question, who was maybe only five or six years older than me and wore a mustard top, came back to the table none the wiser, although I could see that her breathing was haggard. She clutched a bag of crackers like a lifeline and wouldn’t make eye contact, instead choosing to stare at the tabletop. Did she overhear what Urumi had said or had she just felt the shift in the atmosphere? Or was she simply upset over the fact she helped lie to the nervous man which then resulted in his death? It was hard to tell. But when it came to everyone discussing their suits, she seemed truly thankful to everyone who told her hers, and it became clear to me that she really had no idea what was coming next. She had placed her trust in Urumi and, even after witnessing her deception first hand and the level at which she could lie, she still felt as though she didn’t have a reason to worry. 

At this rate, Urumi was just walking people to their death. And despite taking part in games with similar twists and acts of pure heartlessness, this made me feel guilty like no other. But after the nervous man had so thoroughly shut down my attempt at help, I felt powerless to stop this bloodthirsty culling that Urumi was kicking into action.

Chapter Text

Afterwards, Chishiya, Ippei and I had gone off alone, partly because Ippei was freaking out and partly because I always wanted an excuse to get away from Urumi and her sickly sweet demeanour. Ippei was breathing heavily, crouched down with his back against the wall, and nothing would calm him down. On the walk here I had tried talking to him, tried to reassure him that everything would be okay. But now he had begun to panic, there was seemingly nothing I could say or do to get him out of it. 

“Help me,” I hissed to Chishiya, despite Ippei being very much in earshot. 

Chishiya just looked at me blankly and then said, “Ippei, stop that.” As if Ippei was making himself hyperventilate on purpose. I could’ve screamed. 

“Helpful,” I said bitterly. As far as teams went, I couldn’t help but feel like this one was falling apart.

Ignoring Chishiya, I crouched down in front of Ippei, hoping to catch his attention. He kept his eyes on the floor, gaze unfocused. I imagined him overthinking anything and everything all at once and struggled for something to say to distract him. Saying things were fine felt like a lie, and talking about anything other than the game felt like we were trying to act like it wasn’t happening- something I was sure his paranoia would read too far into. So for lack of a better idea, I said the first thing that popped into my head, just to feel like I was doing something. 

“What Urumi’s doing isn’t right,” I told Ippei, even though he knew that. “But we can stop it. If we speak to that lady, maybe she’ll trust us. We can help her to stay alive. Then maybe Urumi will stop and actually focus on figuring out who the Jack is.”

Even as I said it, I knew it sounded completely stupid and naive. Still, the snort I heard from Chishiya in reaction to my words was enough to spike my rage. I looked up to see him standing with his arms crossed, looking down at me. And it was the way we were positioned- through no fault of his own- but it still made me even more mad, to see him staring down at me with his unshakable smugness as I tried and failed to help our teammate, with absolutely no help from him. 

At that moment, I couldn’t help it; I hated him. 

I shot up, ready to give him a piece of my mind, when he started off down the hall, pulling me along. I hadn’t even noticed him reach out and grab hold of my arm, too busy seeing red, but the realisation alone made me flush. Which, in turn, made me more annoyed, because I was trying to be angry but all I could think about was the fact he was holding onto me. Even through my hoodie sleeve, it was too much. Then we were a few metres down the corridor and his hand was falling away and I was still left puzzling over what the hell had just happened. 

“We should help that woman,” I blurted out, trying to get my mind back on track. I tried to focus on my frustration but found it out of reach. Something about that small touch, about those pretty eyes and the way he looked at me now made it hard to concentrate. He wasn’t even doing anything and it was too much. 

Chishiya stayed infuriatingly silent. He just gave a subtle raise of his eyebrows, judging me and my idea. 

Ah, there was my anger . “You know we could,” I argued, trying not to raise my voice. “I know I messed up with the last guy but I feel like she would believe me.”

“She won’t,” Chishiya said simply. “What would any of this achieve?”

“These people don’t need to die just because they slight Urumi.”

“These people are our competition. Them dying benefits us.”

I frowned even though a small, annoying part of me agreed. “That’s an awful thing to say. Urumi is going on a killing spree for no reason when we could easily stop her. Then we could team up properly and figure this all out.”

Chishiya had the audacity to laugh. “That would never work and you know it. The more people that die at her hand, the better.” He smiled slightly, amused. “You never know, she might actually kill the Jack and save us all some hard work.”

“And what if she’s the Jack?” I countered. 

“Then she kills all of her allies and then she’s left with us. And then we lie.”

Not even I could deny that that made sense. “You have it all figured out, don’t you?”

A smirk, then. “Of course.”

I sighed inwardly. I hated that he was right and that he had an answer for everything. But as much as I hated to admit it, his plan made complete sense. We didn’t owe these people anything. If they wanted to blindly follow Urumi to their deaths then we should let them and watch as the group collapsed on itself. We could show support while not trusting her and, when the time came, we would be the ones to get rid of her. All we had to do was sit back and watch, and try not to be overtaken with guilt in the process. That thought reminded me of Ippei, who was still crouched at the other end of the corridor alone, seemingly oblivious to mine and Chishiya’s conversation. How would he fare in the midst of all of this? Chishiya liked to act like he knew all the answers so I posed the dilemma to him. 

“What about Ippei?” I said.

“What about him?”

“He won’t survive this. He’s already paranoid and each death upsets him more.”

“He stepped into the wrong game then, didn’t he?” Chishiya said coldly. 

“At least pretend to care,” I said. “If he gets too paranoid he could turn on us.”

“Caring’s not my speciality,” he replied, ignoring the last part of what I said. Even I knew it had been a stretch. Ippei was getting restless but still, I couldn’t imagine him trying to kill us. I just hoped that underestimating him wouldn’t come back to bite me. 

I shook my head slightly. “You’re so heartless. He’s our teammate.”

“Don’t pretend you care about these people. You care about getting out alive, just like everyone else does.”

“I care about us,” I said, and in that I was sure. “The three of us. I want us to make it. But Ippei is worrying me. He’s so scared.” And sure enough, even from this distance I could see him trembling. 

Chishiya’s face was unreadable. Did he think I was stupid for caring for people I had just met? It was true, we had only met hours before, but I couldn’t help myself from wanting the three of us to survive. Maybe it was the fact that now my friends were gone, I was back to having no one in this world. And the idea of going back to camping alone was so much harder after being part of a team that all looked out for each other. Maybe some naive part of my brain thought that these two could replace what I had lost- that even though we knew each other way less and that our alliance now was nothing like my last one, it felt to me like it could be the start of a friendship. I didn’t want to lose that, no matter how stupid that made me. It seemed so ridiculous to care about something as trivial as being lonely when our lives were on the line, but the idea of the three of us making it out of here together was something that I was realising now was keeping me going. It was a goal that I could focus on amongst all the death and devastation; it was something I could at least try and control. So that was what I was going to do. I just hoped that Chishiya would try and help me keep Ippei afloat so that my goal wouldn’t become some distant fantasy. 

Chishiya didn’t react for a long while, as if he was puzzling over what I had said. Surely Ippei being terrified didn’t come as such a surprise to him? But then, without saying a word, he walked back over to Ippei, hands in his pockets. I watched as he stood before him, speaking words I couldn’t hear. Whatever he said made Ippei listen where he had only ignored me, and I tried not to be hurt about it. But whatever it was had Ippei getting up. And when I rejoined them he offered me a small nod, a way of saying he was okay, and that was enough to send my mood skyward. I had no idea what Chishiya had said but I could’ve hugged him. I could’ve hugged both of them. But the automatic voice came over the intercom, reminding us it was time to enter a prison cell, and I was snapped back to reality. Right, there were still some deaths that had to happen before we could be happy and jolly. 

I gave Ippei an encouraging pat on the shoulder and shot Chishiya a small smile that he ignored before stepping into my cell. Despite knowing how much blood had to be spilled before this game could end, I found myself the happiest I had been since the game started. Maybe happy was the wrong word. I was more content, especially now that we had a proper plan, like proper allies, and I had an idea of how things would play out. We would look after Ippei and all the while watch on from the sidelines as Urumi’s group destroyed itself, all the while trying to get a feel for the other outsiders, who had allied in pairs or smaller groups. We would work out the Jack and get rid of them. I had faith in us.

When the voice asked me to recite my suit, I said it with confidence. And then the cell door unlocked and I stepped out to survey the damage. Sure enough, the lady in mustard didn’t emerge. I pushed aside the guilt that threatened to make itself known. This is what has to happen , I told myself. 

*

The next few rounds blurred together. Lies were told and believed. People died. The numbers began to dwindle and, even from the outside, suspicion and betrayal was written on the faces of everyone that remained of Urumi’s group. Only she seemed unphased, still eating sweets and ordering people around and suggesting her next victim for any minor grievance she could think up on the spot. Those left around her appeared haggard and now looked upon her- and one another- with hatred. It was only a matter of time before they were all gone, and we could swoop in and get rid of Urumi herself. 

The other alliances looked strong. The few pairs that had been formed at the beginning of the game were holding fast, all of them seemingly trusting each other entirely. Even Banda hadn’t done anything else shady that I was aware of, despite kicking off Urumi’s killing spree. Part of me figured he couldn’t be the Jack, given his lack of interference. But when you consider that he was the one who started this deathly downward spiral, maybe it was all too obvious that he was a suspect, and that he had had the easiest time of his life considering Urumi had taken his idea and run with it. If he was the Jack, then everyone else had practically done his job for him. As for Urumi, was she the Jack or was she just unhinged? It was impossible to know until her heart stopped, when all would be revealed. 

Ippei had adopted a sort of feigned enthusiasm, spurred on by whatever wisdom Chishiya had bestowed upon him. And even though I knew it was fake, it was still comforting to have some sort of positivity to break up all the death. When we got out of here we would joke about this- about his fake laughter and cheesy humour, about how it brightened things up slightly even though it was equally sort of awful. Even Chishiya seemed to enjoy it, although it was hard to get a read on him. Sometimes, I would look up to see him gone, only to reappear minutes later offering no explanation of where he had been. I didn’t ask, and neither did Ippei, figuring that if it was important then it would be brought to our attention. For the rest of the time in the rounds, we discussed the other players, both in terms of strategy and not. It turned out that Chishiya was an even bigger gossip than I thought. 

It was maybe the eighth or ninth round that really shocked me. I stepped out of my cell, pleased but not surprised to be living to see another hour, when I realised something. Urumi, in her bright blue dress, was gone. And, upon further inspection of the rest of the group, I noticed that the two or three people who had still been following her around were missing as well. 

“Urumi’s dead,” I said quietly, giving Chishiya a confused look. Despite everything, her allies must’ve turned on her. They must’ve all turned on each other, simultaneously wiping them all out. We didn’t have to do anything at all. 

But it was Ippei who reminded me of the true horror of all of this. “It’s not over,” he said, his eyes wide and haunted. “It didn’t end.”

Which meant that the Jack was still hidden amongst us.

Chapter Text

We filed out of the corridor in silence, Chishiya leading the way. Now that Urumi was gone, we would need to think of a new game plan, using everything we had been discussing about the others up until now. How we would infiltrate the strong alliances around us, I had no idea. But we would have to, otherwise we might as well just give up and start calling this our new home. 

But, just as Chishiya turned the corner into the circular room, I felt someone grab my arm, pulling me back. I gasped in surprise, spinning around to see my assailant, when I realised it was Ippei, holding onto my wrist tightly, his eyes wild. 

“He’s gonna get us next,” he said, his voice no louder than a panicked whisper. “We need to run.”

I blinked a couple of times, completely confused. “What? Who?”

“Chishiya. It’s him. He’s the Jack, I know it.”

“He’s not.”

“He is,” Ippei insisted. He sighed, exasperated, before gripping both of my shoulders and forcing me to listen to him. “I thought it was Urumi. Before. He made us sit back and watch them kill each other. He must’ve plotted the whole thing. And now he’ll be coming for us. We know too much. Doesn’t he always wander off? Where’s he going?”

I felt my heart racing beneath my skin, not from fear of Ippei or Chishiya, but from the panic that came from knowing that Ippei had completely lost it. His paranoia was at a fever pitch, and now I knew there would be no talking him down. At least, not on my own. Maybe if I could get Chishiya to speak to him, he might calm down. But at the same time, was putting Ippei with the very person he was so clearly terrified of a good idea given his current state? Once again, I wasn’t sure what to do. 

“Ippei,” I said gently. “He’s not the Jack. If he was, wouldn’t we be dead by now?”

“He’s been biding his time.” Then, somehow, Ippei’s eyes grew wider, pleading. “You don’t know what he said to me before, it wasn’t right, he-”

He cut himself off abruptly, staring terrified over my shoulder. There stood Chishiya, his face impassive. How much of our conversation had he heard?

“Come on,” I said to Ippei, but he wasn’t having it. Without a word, he stormed past Chishiya, his whole body trembling with fear and frustration. I watched him go, unsure whether I should go after him. It was Chishiya’s eyes that stopped me, that made me want to explain. He didn’t look accusing but I noticed how he was eyeing me carefully. Was it like Ippei had insinuated- a predator sizing up his prey-  or something else? Either way, I wanted to set the record straight. 

“He’s terrified,” I said. “Urumi dying was the last straw and now his paranoia is worse than ever.” I took a deep breath before I added, “And… he thinks you’re the Jack.”

If Chishiya was surprised, he didn’t show it. Nor did he seem bothered by news of the accusation. “And what do you think?”

The question took me off guard. Since when were we talking about me? “I think,” I said carefully, “that infighting and lack of trust will be the end of us all. I trust you,” I admitted, “and if that makes me a fool, then so be it. I’ll be the one to pay in the end.”

He didn’t react for a long time, so long that my skin was practically crawling with the want to take back what I’d said. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like a confession, and that certainly hadn’t been my intention. Then Chishiya nodded slightly and I felt myself sigh with relief, even more so when I noticed the small, feline smile that adorned his lips. It was almost enough to make me forget the task at hand- Ippei’s paranoia, the Jack still on the loose. Luckily, Chishiya wasn’t so easily distracted. 

“So Ippei,” he said. “What do we do about him?”

“Tell him the truth,” was my reply. 

Chishiya raised an eyebrow. “When the truth is so easily faked?”

“One thing he mentioned was you sneaking off,” I said, thinking back to Ippei’s panicked words. “Give him a reasonable explanation and… I don’t know, say something like you did before, a few rounds ago. He was upset then too but he listened to you. Whatever you said brought him back, so do it again.”

He chuckled. “Somehow, I don’t think that would do much good now.”

It didn’t escape my notice that he avoided the whole him sneaking off thing. “Well, you can at least curb your aloofness. And say something to reassure him when we find him.”

“Aloofness?” He repeated, amused, as though he had never heard of the word and couldn’t begin to understand why I would say that. But I ignored him and began to head for the stairs, pleased when I looked over my shoulder and found him following. 

*

It didn’t take us long to find Ippei in the cafeteria, pacing between the shelves and muttering under his breath. The shine to his skin had only got worse; now he was practically sweating buckets from stress and, I suppose, fear as well. If he could just learn to trust us- Chishiya especially- again, then some of that fear could be taken away. If only, I thought. As much as it pained me to think it, I didn’t think anything we did would make him trust Chishiya again. Now that he had it in his head, it would be impossible to shift that idea. To him, Urumi had played the part of the villain, and now that she was gone, that seat was free for the taking. It could’ve been any one of us remaining players that could’ve claimed it. It just so happened that Ippei already had his suspicions about our teammate and so it all fit together too easily. 

By a stroke of luck, Ippei noticed us come in and, instead of fleeing or ignoring us like I had expected, he came over, joining us at a table. Maybe he just needed a breather, a time to think on his own, without the influence of anyone else tainting his thoughts. Or, maybe he just didn’t want to appear vulnerable to the other teams and wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong. 

I didn’t question it and neither did Chishiya. The three of us took it in turns to look at each other’s collars and relay the suits upon them, just as we had done so many times before, and then talk turned to everyone that remained in the game. Ippei was quiet throughout, his hands restless on the table before us. He didn’t offer any information or opinions or comment on any of Chishiya’s observations like he might have done in the past. I should’ve felt better to have him here with us once again after him storming off, but instead I was filled with a sense of dread, like something bad was just around the corner. Which it was, I suppose. Although we could guess, we didn’t really have any solid ideas of who the Jack was now. Banda was my main suspect but he hadn’t struck again, and apart from catching him watching from across the room on multiple occasions, Chishiya didn’t have anything to report. Right now we were clueless, which didn’t bode well for the game. 

As usual, Chishiya excused himself and disappeared with no other explanation than that. Ippei watched him with eagle eyes but otherwise didn’t say anything about it. Now that it had been brought to my attention, I agreed it was a strange thing for him to do. Before, it had been water off a duck’s back; I was aware of him sometimes leaving but my brain had come to a reasonable explanation for it on its own and filed it as unimportant. But now that Ippei had pointed it out, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. No wonder his paranoia had spiked. 

“How’re you feeling now?” I asked him, as if he was suffering from some sort of physical ailment.

But the cheerful Ippei I had known before was gone. When he laughed, it was humourless. “How am I meant to feel?” he asked. I didn’t know how to answer that. 

Chishiya returned and the round began to come to a close. The remaining players all started to head back to the cells. 

It was odd to think of myself as being comfortable (there was nothing remotely comfortable about this situation, and things would only get worse as lack of sleep and proper nourishment came into play) but now that I had built up this trust with my allies, the whole practise of checking and reciting symbols had become monotonous- including having to interrupt our discussions to come and tell a robot voice our observations. Where before I had been fueled by fear, now my body was just going through the motions on autopilot, leaving my mind to roam free. There were so few of us left and we were none the wiser to the Jack’s identity. No matter how much we spoke about it, or how much I racked my brains, I just couldn’t work it out. As bad as it sounded, I wanted the Jack to make a move, just to give us another clue to work with. 

As we reached the corridor filled with cells, Chishiya turned and offered Ippei and I a smirk, which seemed so out of place that I had to do a double take. 

“I have a plan,” he said. “We can end this game quickly.” And without any further explanation, he walked off, heading for an empty cell

Thank god , I thought to myself. But when I looked to Ippei, expecting him to have brightened up slightly at the news, I found him stonier than ever. Of course, for someone who suspected Chishiya, the thought of him having a plan would be scary indeed. 

“I know you don’t trust him,” I said, gently taking his hand in mine. It was clammy and hot with stress, trembling all the while. “But you trust me. We’ve had each other's backs all this time. Don’t lose sight of that now. And now we have a plan so we won’t be here for much longer. Just hold out a little longer.” 

He didn’t reply, nor did he even acknowledge that I had spoken. Ippei just pulled his hand free of mine and walked to the cells. I followed quickly, taking the neighbouring one to his. And right before he stepped in he looked at me, his eyes not filled with fear or apprehension or even frustration this time but… nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And that dull, empty stare haunted me as I stepped into my own cell, knowing that whatever happened next was completely out of my control.

Chapter Text

Ippei didn't come out of his cell. My first thought was that it was a mistake- that the lock hadn’t disengaged properly and that he was stuck. I tugged the handle, banged on the door. Nothing worked. Of course it didn’t. I made the mistake of standing on my tiptoes and looking through the small, barred window. It was one of those things where I actively knew I shouldn’t do it but, at the same time, I had to. It was like my body was moving on its own. I had to know. 

I had to.

What looked back at me wasn’t Ippei. It was a ghost of a man, glassy eyed and covered in bright cherry blood that glistened in the dim light, as fresh as can be. The whole room was slick with it, the plain walls now permanently splattered. Everything was red, red, red and I couldn’t look away, couldn’t fathom what had happened. I had spoken to him only minutes before. Minutes. And now I couldn’t stop replaying the hollow look in his eyes, that were now all too obviously screaming for help.

Nausea bubbled up in my throat, my own blood roaring in my ears like a dam sprung free. Someone was crying, hysterically, and it took me reaching up to cover my mouth in shock for me to feel the wetness of my face and realise it was me. 

Then I was being pulled away from the door, thudding into the chest of whoever was holding me as my legs no longer felt like they could keep me up. Everything felt numb and too much at the same time. 

It was my friends, dead all over again. 

Slowly, gently, I found my way to the floor, still being supported by hands on my shoulders. Whoever was helping me must’ve been on the floor too, still keeping me grounded as my tears ran their course. I looked up, bleary-eyed, at the rest of the remaining players in the corridor. Most were already walking away, but I saw the office girl looking at me almost pityingly before hurrying off after her partner.  But it wasn’t them I was bothered about. My eyes scanned the retreating figures, looking for that pale hair, that white hoodie. If he was gone too…

“Chishiya? I whispered.

But to my surprise and complete relief, his voice came from behind me. “I’m here.”

I turned, blinking my last few tears away, to see him crouched there, one hand still resting upon my shoulder. Just that, just knowing I at least hadn’t lost him as well, was enough to make me want to cry again. But it was bad enough that he and the other players had witnessed one breakdown- I didn’t need to make it a habit. 

I wiped at my face, imagining how red and puffy my eyes were. “I don’t understand,” I said quietly. “We told him the truth.” As soon as it left my lips, I realised what had truly happened; Ippei hadn’t died because we somehow told him the wrong thing, he had chosen this. “It’s so unfair. We were so close to the end and… I know he was upset. We both knew that, but I still thought we would make it. I just never realised… things had got so bad for him. I thought I was doing enough, but I should’ve done more to make him realise that things were okay. That he didn’t have to…” I couldn’t make myself finish the sentence. 

After a long time, Chishiya said, “It was his choice. You can’t blame yourself.”

Easier said than done.

We sat there silently for a while, me overthinking- going over everything conversation, every interaction with Ippei, puzzling out where I went wrong, where and how I could’ve saved him- and Chishiya waiting patiently. It was only when I forced myself to get up, lest I stay on the floor forever, that he spoke again.

“Our plan isn’t so simple anymore,” Chishiya said. His hands were back in his pockets, his expression relaxed and closed off once more. Any semblance of sympathy or vulnerability that had come out when he had been comforting me was now gone, locked away tight. “The others will think that we killed him, our ally included.”

“Ally?” I repeated, knowing he wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t want me to ask.

He smiled, pleased with himself. “I’ve been meeting with one of the others. We were putting a plan in place but I don’t know how this will affect things. I didn’t factor in Ippei killing himself.” I frowned at that. Ippei’s death wasn’t some inconvenience to complain about. Chishiya kept going. “I’ll need to speak to them again.”

“So when do we do that?”

“ I will go and find them in a minute,” he replied. The heavy emphasis on the I didn’t go unnoticed but I didn’t have the energy to comment. If he wanted to keep a shroud of mystery around his meetings then whatever. At this point, I just wanted this to be over. 

“Let me tell you your suit, first,” I said, reaching out to him. I carefully brushed his hair out of the way so I could see and then told him, “Heart.” Then I turned around so he could check mine.

“Diamond,” he said.

“I’ll go to the cafeteria then,” I decided out loud. I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, I just wanted to be away from this corridor before I crawled out of my skin in discomfort. 

“I’ll come and find you,” was all Chishiya said before he walked away, off to meet his secret ally. 

*

Time goes so much slower when you’re on your own, with nothing to do but wait. I had hoped that by seeing who else was in here, amongst the dwindling shelves of supplies, it might give me some idea of who Chishiya had been meeting with all this time, but it was starkly empty. It was just me, sat at a table and staring at the wall, under the softly buzzing lights, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.  Of course, everything about Ippei was going round and round in my head, as well as all the similarities his death had to losing my other friends. But none of the thoughts were new. They were all regurgitated and remixed ( Did I say the wrong thing? Could I have stopped him? Could I have helped him? Did I make a mistake? ) until they just faded into the background- the cruellest form of white noise. 

It was a relief when Chishiya returned, simply because I had something else to focus on. But my confusion about the plan and the situation wasn’t alleviated by him coming back. Instead, he told me to pick some snacks. And when I stood there dumbfounded and didn’t move a muscle, he chose for me, telling me to put them in my pockets. 

“What’s happening?” I asked as we headed upstairs. My hoodie was crinkling as I walked and I wanted to know why. If we were truly so near to the end, was it just a case of taking what we could get? 

But he didn’t answer. We passed the other players, some hanging out downstairs or in the stairwell or in the circular room, and then we were back in the corridor of cells- somewhere I would very happily never visit ever again. I was about to complain, when Chishiya stopped suddenly about half way down, and turned to face me. I only just stopped in time to not bump into him and the closeness made me want to step back. But when he started to speak, his voice a low murmur, I was glad I didn’t or I would’ve barely been able to hear him. 

“There’s been a change of plan,” he said. “We have our suspicions about the identity of the Jack.”

“Good,” I replied, keeping my voice quiet as well. “So what happens now?”

“We think someone knows who the Jack is and is helping them not get caught out.”

My mind raced. Who in their right mind would help the Jack knowingly? Especially when it would mean the deaths of everyone else? Had the Jack offered them immunity? Was that even something they could do?

“So who’s their ally? Do you know?”

Chishiya looked away, sighing slightly. “That’s where it gets difficult. My ally and I… we have differing opinions. So we’ve both agreed on a way to cut our options down.” He paused, then, and something in his expression told me I wouldn’t like what I was about to hear. “We’ve both agreed to lie to our partners.”  

At first, the words didn’t sink in and I questioned whether I had even heard him correctly. Then one thought popped into my head uninvited: had Ippei been right this whole time?

Despite my best efforts, when I spoke my voice wavered. “You’ve agreed to kill me?”

Chishiya nodded, so impassive to the bomb he had just dropped on me. I fought the urge to scream. Of course he would be so blasé about what he had just said. Hadn’t I known from the beginning what he was like? And yet I had put my trust in him for what? Those feline eyes and an unshakeable smirk? This is the last time I follow my heart , I thought stupidly, before realising this would be the last time I would do anything, given that this plan involved me being dead.

“So what?” I said, unable to stop myself from getting louder. “Did you think I would be okay with that? Did you think if you were honest that I would just agree to this and go down like a martyr? And if not, then why bother telling me? Why not just lie the next round? It’s not like I would know,” I added, bitterly.  

Infuriatingly, Chishiya just raised an eyebrow as if to say are you done? 

“We’re going to fake your death,” he said finally, looking immensely proud of himself. I could’ve punched him. 

“You could’ve led with that,” I snapped. 

Chishiya smirked and then began to explain his plan. We would pretend to have an argument, in which I would storm off to the far end of the corridor and choose a cell down there. Given how few of us there were left and the way the prison was set out, it was unlikely anyone would venture too close to me, bypassing perfectly good cells to pick one near me. The next round would begin and I would stay hidden in my cell. I would be presumed dead, killed by Chishiya after our argument. My picture on the screen- if they even noticed it was still there- could hopefully be put down to a glitch. His ally would consider his part of their bargain fulfilled and their plan would move on. According to Chishiya, that would be the last round before the Jack was uncovered. 

“It’s easy,” he said. “You just need to stay there for the hour.”

I wasn’t so sure. “Hold on. I’ll still need to answer with my suit for that round. But if I’m playing dead then what? You want me to guess?”

“I’ll come back before the end and tell you,” he replied, as if it was obvious. 

“Will you?” I said. “Because you’ll have your other ally to tell you yours but I’ll only have you. So I need you to promise that you’ll definitely come back to me before I agree to this stupid plan.”

Just then, voices echoed towards us- the other players converging on the corridor as the round came to a close. I knew it was now or never to kick start the plan, to argue for show so that Chishiya killing me seemed more believable. But I couldn’t let go of this- not if it meant my life on the line. 

“Promise,” I hissed. Not a question but a demand. 

And subtly, in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it gesture, he nodded. And that was enough for me. 

“Just fucking leave me alone!” I shouted, pushing past Chishiya and storming off down the corridor. “You’re so fucking annoying.”

Then I picked my home for the next hour, flung the cell door open and slammed it shut as hard as I could, the echo reverberating down the hall.

Chapter Text

If I thought twenty minutes alone in the cafeteria was tough, an hour pretending to be dead in a cell was a million times worse. First off, with there not being a chair or even a surface other than the cracked porcelain toilet to lean on, I found myself standing against the wall, trying to be completely still and silent in case someone randomly ventured this far down the hallway of cells. I had contemplated sitting on the floor amongst the dust and debris but ultimately decided against it. It was hard enough to keep an outfit in good condition in this world without me purposely adding to it. If nothing else, at least I had the snacks in my pockets in case I got over the sick feeling in my gut for long enough to feel hungry. 

Of course, it hadn’t been a full hour yet or I’d be nothing more than another dead body for someone to clear up; just more guts to scrape off the floor. But if it hadn’t been an hour, it had to be close to it. And still, Chishiya had not returned. 

I’ve been played, I thought to myself, and I couldn’t even be annoyed at the prospect. If I had and this- alone in a dusty cell- was my last hurrah, then so be it. 

Still, when the door swung open and Chishiya came inside, way too laid back for how much time I predicted we had left, I could’ve hugged him. My relief was a tangible thing. And when he stepped towards me with his hands outstretched, for a brief, dumb moment I thought he agreed with me and I mirrored him, going to pull him into an embrace. 

Then he said, “What’re you doing?” and I dropped my hands immediately, realising I had read things wrong. I decided to blame my lack of sleep for a mistake as stupid as that, thinking that Chishiya with his cold, don’t-even-think-about-coming-near-me attitude would suddenly feel like reuniting with a hug. 

Instead, he reached for my shoulders and moved me around so he could see the symbol on my collar. The collar that literally held my life in the balance that I had completely forgotten about in my moment of relief and pure, unfiltered joy that Chishiya had, in fact, come back for me. 

“Spade,” he said, and then went to leave. 

“Wait, I didn’t tell you yours,” I said, confused. 

He shrugged. “I know it already.”

That made me frown. “Well, you should still verify that your other ally was telling the truth.” And although what I was saying was true, it was a thinly veiled excuse. I so clearly needed him in this game- I had risked my life on him being bothered to come back for me- and I stupidly, desperately wanted him to need me too. Even for something as small as that. 

Chishiya glanced at the door. “There’s no time.”

“There's time,” I countered, and reached for his collar before he could object. “Diamond.”

“Funny,” he said, giving me a look that was hard to read. Did… did he think I was lying?

“I’m being serious,” I said. Then, knowing that time truly was running out, I added, pleading, “You have to trust me. I don’t care what your other ally said. I have no reason to lie, no other allies or agendas. And if I was the Jack I couldn’t operate from this cell the whole round, not this late in the game.”

He didn’t say anything, eyeing me carefully. I could almost feel my heart beating through my chest at the prospect, the very idea, that he would doubt me now and die because of it. Ippei was bad enough but Chishiya… 

“Trust me,” I insisted, one last attempt before he left for his own cell, not even giving me another look. 

I took a deep breath, hating that it came out shaky. What relief I had felt had instantly been shot down and replaced with fear, not for me but for him. We had been allies since the beginning of the game, but if he chose not to listen to me now then it would all be over- and that was true of me as well. He hadn’t told me the full plan past this point, nor who he thought the Jack was, or who he had been conferring with in secret this whole time. If he died then what was I meant to do? How could I finish the game without him since he had so purposely left me in the dark? And it didn’t exactly help that everyone else thought I was dead. 

Still, I answered when the automated voice demanded to know my suit, trying to focus on that small task alone so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed by the prospect of everything else that came after. No matter what happened now, I would have to face it head on, whether or not I had Chishiya by my side leading the way. There was nothing more I could do. 

The lock on the cell door audibly disengaged and I waited, frozen. I knew I had to step out and see the damage, see who was left. I just needed a moment to collect myself, then I reached out to push open the door. Only, something made me pause, my hand resting on the cool metal.

Maniacal laughter echoed through the prison, so distinctly out of place that it chilled me to the bone. What the hell anyone in this game would have to laugh about that creepily, I had no idea, but just the sound of it sent goosebumps racing over my skin. 

I couldn’t wait any longer. I threw the door open and stepped out to see Matsushita- the guy with the heavy side bangs, still laughing evilly. He didn’t seem to notice me, too busy enjoying himself, and I wasn’t about to purposely draw attention to myself when he was acting so unpredictable and we were alone.

We were alone.

The thought hit me like a train. What had gone down in the one round I was out of the game if it was only us two here? Was everyone else dead? And then, a worse thought came into my head: had Chishiya really not believed me?

But then another cell door swung open and I was beyond relieved to see Chishiya step out, hands in his pockets, looking like the cat that got the cream. He looked so pleased with himself that I could’ve laughed, but instead I began to walk towards him and the now extremely confused Matsushita. 

“You’re the Jack of hearts,” Chishiya said to him. “Just as I thought.”

Wait, him? I had still, after all this time assumed it had to be Banda, simply because of how he acted. Matsushita had never even been on the cards for me- at least, not until he did his best impression of an evil genius, cackling so loud it echoed through just about the whole prison.

Matsushita gaped. “How…”

Just then, two more cells opened further down the hall, and out stepped Banda and the office guy. Maybe things hadn’t changed as much as I thought. Although the other woman who had been left was nowhere to be seen. That was when I realised who Chishiya’s other ally was: the office man. And he had clearly followed through on the deal he and Chishiya struck to kill their partners. It made me feel bad for her, until the others began to explain how they had worked this all out.

I joined Chishiya quietly, listening and trying to understand what had gone down while I was hidden away in that cell. He didn’t react more than a slight inclination of his head, too focused on dealing justice to the Jack, who looked extremely sheepish now he didn’t have the guise of an innocent man to hide behind. 

As they explained, I found myself getting more and more confused, only catching that Kotoko (the lady in office attire) had been allied with the Jack, somehow using biscuits to communicate. Nothing made sense to me but I stayed quiet, knowing I could just force Chishiya to explain more afterwards. 

“This is a surprise,” the office man, who I had now learnt was called Yaba, said. It took me a moment to realise he was speaking to me. Or, at least, about me. Then he turned to Chishiya. “And you had the nerve to argue with me about not upholding deals.”

Chishiya just laughed. 

Matsushita, who had been standing there, sweating and profusely trying to convince everyone that he wasn’t actually the Jack and that it was all a big misunderstanding, tried once more, even though it was a futile attempt. “Maybe I wasn’t honest, but that doesn’t mean I’m the Jack. One of you could still be the Jack!”

Chishiya smiled, slow and feline. “If those guys were certain you were the Jack of Hearts, then why wouldn’t Banda lie to you in the last round and try to kill you?” 

Matsushita thought it over, and I could see the hope building in his eyes that maybe things weren’t over. Maybe he could worm his way out of this. Chishiya shot that down in an instant.

“Maybe they’ve decided to try and get some information out of you.”

It wasn’t until Banda and Yaba took some steps closer that it set in what they were about to do to Matsushita. Then Banda pulled a knife from his pocket and the Jack really began to sweat. 

“Come on,” Chishiya said to me, starting down the hallway. I was more than happy to follow, wanting to get away from this corridor before Yaba and Banda began to enjoy themselves too much. 

We ended up in the cafeteria but the vibe was completely different from before. We now knew who the Jack was, which meant it was only a matter of time before the game would end and we would be out of here. I couldn’t wait, but first I had questions. We would be here for at least an hour more, so now seemed like as good a time as any. 

“How did you know?” I said, pushing myself up to sit on one of the tabletops. I hadn’t specified what I was talking about but, at this point, given what had just happened, it was obvious. 

Chishiya smiled, pleased to uncover his stroke of genius. “Yaba and I made a shaky alliance. We shared our observations and worked out that the Jack must be getting assistance from someone.”

“And you worked that out from biscuits?” I asked, still confused about that whole thing. 

“I had been watching what snacks people were taking to get a feel for their character. They only stood out to me because they never deviated.” He laughed, then. “I thought they were just addicted or something. I didn’t work out the true meaning until much later.”

“So how did me and Kotoko dying come into all of this?”

“We were suspicious of everyone and needed to cut down the suspects,” he explained. “Yaba argued against you so I used his suspicions to suggest we both get rid of our partners, to narrow down the choices.”

“Thanks for that, by the way,” I said sourly. 

“Kotoko didn’t die straight away. I thought Yaba had gone back on our agreement but he was adamant he lied to her, which was how I worked out that someone had helped her stay alive. That was when the biscuits clicked.” He paused, then added, “Yaba made an alliance with Banda after that. I think they came to some sort of understanding. And that only left Matsushita as a suspect. We weren’t sure who was the Jack and who was the helper but then he killed Kotoko and it all became clear.”

Having it explained to me like that, it made way more sense. However, I’d have never come to that conclusion or put those clues together on my own. It was irritating that I had been in the dark for so much of the game and not even known it, but now I was just glad it was almost over. Glad, but also a bit melancholy in a way I wasn’t expecting. We had started out in this game as a trio, yet only two of us were here now, on the home stretch.

“Ippei should’ve been here with us,” I said quietly. 

I didn’t expect Chishiya to reply- hadn’t even realised he had heard me- but then he nodded slightly and said, “I know.” And even though he had acted as if Ippei had been an annoyance half of the time, I still felt that he was being genuine.

“What did you say to him that time?” I said all of a sudden. It was something I had been wanting to know but had forgotten about in the drama of the last round. “You never told me.”

“It won’t make you feel better,” he warned.

I frowned, thinking he was just being dramatic. “I want to know.”

Chishiya looked me dead in the eye, expressionless, and said, “I threatened him.”

I waited for him to laugh or make a joke, but it never came. Is he serious? “What?”

He shrugged, looking away. “You were upset, he was fracturing the group. He needed to get his shit together.”

“So you threatened him? You’re unbelievable.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

My mind went back to the last time I had mentioned Chishiya’s little pep talk- back when Ippei was suspicious and I thought it might help him to trust Chishiya if he had a talk with him again. Somehow, I don’t think that would do much good now, was what he had said to me, amused by my very suggestion. And no wonder. Imagine if he had obliged my request. Poor Ippei. And there I was thinking they’d had a heart to heart or something. 

“What a horrible thing to do,” I said. “No wonder he was terrified of you.”

Chishiya had the audacity to laugh. “I never said I was nice.”     

Chapter Text

Luckily, that was the last round we had to sit through before the game was over. I had been concerned that Banda and Yaba might drag it out, torturing Matsushita within an inch of his life to get whatever information they were after from him. But they didn’t get a choice in the matter. The round came to a close, we recited our symbols, but then Matsushita never emerged, choosing to end his own life instead of going under Banda’s knife again. With the Jack dead and the clear conditions of the game completed, I felt my collar release from my neck, the feeling both a relief and foreign at the same time. The weight of it had become familiar and now it was gone, the ghost of it still lingered behind. 

I followed Chishiya out of the prison, sighing as I breathed in the fresh air. Although we had been in there for less than a day, it had felt like an eternity and my brain struggled to compute that there was still daylight left in the sky. I turned back to gaze up at the building- a strange sort of goodbye to the place that had held us hostage- which was when the blimp hovering above it exploded, scaring the living daylights out of me. 

I jumped, clutching Chishiya’s arm like a lifeline, while he stood there completely unbothered. 

“Jesus Christ,” I complained, letting go of him. “As if the game itself wasn’t bad enough, they want to kill us in the street as well.”

“Maybe that’s where the King of Spades got his idea from,” Chishiya joked.

That sent a shiver through me. We were safe now but for how long? I had hoped that maybe someone would’ve been good enough to take him down by now, just to take that extra danger away. But based on the blimp I could see all the way in the distance, that wasn’t the case. The King of Spades still reigned supreme on the streets. I suppose hoping he would already be dealt with was wishful thinking. 

We walked together silently for a while, not coming across anyone else on our path. And while I couldn’t even guess at what Chishiya was thinking about to occupy his mind, I knew what plagued mine: now that our previous game was over, we had no obligation to stick together. Both of us were free to go our separate ways and, while Chishiya hadn’t yet made an attempt to leave me behind, I didn’t want to just assume that this was how things were going to be from here on out. For all I knew, he could be waiting for me to turn my back so he could slink away unnoticed. 

I looked at him, then, as if to make sure he was really there, walking beside me. He caught me- because of course he did- and so I took the plunge and asked the question that was on my mind. “So, what now?”

He was silent for a few moments, so long that I started to question if he had even heard me. Then he looked back at the road before us and said, “Ah, I thought we were just going the same way.”

My heart sank, yet I couldn’t get my legs to stop moving. He had all but dismissed me but I couldn’t force myself to change direction, nor could I bring myself to try and convince him that we should still remain teamed up. However, despite what he said, he didn’t comment as we walked on a bit longer. He didn’t acknowledge me at all. 

I had been following blindly, assuming that Chishiya had some destination in mind, but when I glanced around I began to recognise whereabouts we were. It was still Tokyo, of course, but it was an area I had been in recently- mine and my friends’ old stomping ground. It was bizarre to have been so lost before but then to randomly stumble upon this slice of familiarity, and it made me wonder if I had come back through this way after the incident and not even known it. Could that have been possible? As much as it pained me, I tried to think back to a few days ago- when I had been so hopeful, so stupid as to think of my friends as untouchable- when we had set off towards the King of Spades, leaving our hideout in favour of another spot we had scouted out in Shibuya. We had been laughing. None of us had expected I would be the only one to return. 

Only, I hadn’t. After the incident, I had stayed hidden for what felt like hours, frozen with fear and guilt and downright shock. And then, when I had been sure the King of Spades had moved on and taken his deadly bullets with him, I had emerged and walked away from the scene. I had just walked and walked, a shell of a woman, struggling to come to terms with what had just happened. I had walked until I couldn’t anymore, until I collapsed on the side of the road and fell into a fitful sleep on the concrete, my dreams plagued with blood and death. When the sun had awoken me the next morning, only one thought had been in my head: I had to survive. I had slept in the street, alone, practically asking to be killed. But miraculously, I had survived, and that was enough to make me get back on my feet. There had to be a reason I hadn’t died to the King of Spades’ gun or my own stupidity. I wasn’t going to let my dwindling visa be the thing that finally cut me down. And so I had found the Jack of Hearts game and the rest was history. 

Looking back in my memories, I couldn’t recall seeing our hideout again, although there had definitely been a chance I had walked past it in my daze. And now, given that the things around me were becoming vaguely familiar, I had to wonder if I was unconsciously retracing my steps. 

“There’s a hardware store around here,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to say it, but now that I had, I was pleased. Pleased that I had remembered it at all, until it was too late and we were out of the area. “My friends and I stayed there for a while.”

Chishiya didn’t reply, probably assuming I was making small talk just to fill the silence. But this was more important than that. Chishiya obviously didn’t consider me worth keeping around- that much he had made clear by his assumption that we had only been walking together because we were going the same way, opposed to because we were a team. The game and our alliance was over and I suspected he was planning a swift getaway as soon as my back was turned. But now I had something to offer, something that might make him second guess that escape.

“It has a long sightline of the roads, plus we stockpiled supplies,” I said. Then I made a decision, a plan of my own. “I’m going to go there and… you’re welcome to come with me. Unless you have people waiting for you?”

The invitation was a peace offering, a suggestion that we could extend our alliance, at least for a bit longer. But the second half of what I said was what I really cared about. Ippei and I had chatted in the last game- especially at the beginning when things didn’t feel quite as dire- and we had revealed semi-personal things without even a second thought. However, Chishiya never joined in, choosing to only speak about other people rather than himself. So I hoped that he would at least answer that simple question. At this point, my curiosity would take any tiny detail it could get.

I hadn’t been intending to tack the question on but it had come out naturally, and I wondered for a moment if he would actually answer- if he would divulge anything even remotely personal- or if he would just ignore that part. I imagined that he was definitely the type to have selective hearing.

But, to my surprise, he did the complete opposite to what I thought. He sidestepped the invitation and answered my question, even if his reply was vague. “I’m not sure where they are. We got separated.”

So he had had friends before, or at least acquaintances who he trusted. That was interesting to me, all things considered. It wasn’t that he wasn’t charming in his own way, but he was standoffish and often bordered on arrogant. It made me wonder if he was different with them or if they just learnt to get used to how he was. 

“Well, I hope you find them,” I told him, and nothing more was said on the matter. 

The hardware store snuck up on me- as was intended- mostly because of its inconspicuous appearance. It was the type of building that you only noticed if you were looking for it, which I imagined hadn’t helped business back in the old Tokyo, but here it was one of its greatest assets. I stopped in my tracks, taking in its dishevelled appearance, helped along by the mass of greenery that had begun to creep onto everything in sight. Even the streets, once ruled by concrete, were beginning to be taken over by nature. It was enough to make you question the rules of this world and whether or not time was actually moving as it was intended to. Still, it helped to camouflage the building even further so I couldn’t really complain. 

I eyed the doorway, looking for a particular set of branches between all the green. Luckily, from this distance anyway, they looked undisturbed- no one had been back here. The realisation was both a blessing and a curse. In theory, our hideout and our stash of supplies should be exactly as we left it, but it also meant that there was no denying the truth of the incident- I was the only survivor. I had known that but it still hurt to have it confirmed; to have any lingering, childish hope that I would return here and find my friends unscathed and waiting for me, wondering where I had been all this time, completely and utterly destroyed.

“Are we going to stand in the middle of the street forever?”

I blinked, jolted from my thoughts by a particularly fed up looking Chishiya. We couldn’t have been stood there for long- the sun was still technically up, even if it hung low in the sky with the promise of night just around the corner- but I must’ve looked a fool just staring at the building in front of us, and I dreaded to think what sort of pained expression I must’ve been pulling. 

“Let’s go,” I said, choosing to just act as if he never spoke. I saw him raise an eyebrow but didn’t pay it any mind. If he wanted an explanation from me then he would have to ask the question himself. 

I led the way over the greenery until I reached the branches that my friends and I had put in place the last time we were here. They were heavy and awkward to move but eventually they shifted enough for me to get to the door. When I pushed it open, it met no resistance. 

“Thanks for your help,” I muttered irritatedly.

Chishiya just made an amused noise and made no effort to remove his hands from his pockets as he ducked under the branch and through the door. I followed, concealing the entrance again and then pushing a large box against the door, just to make sure no one could get in. I just prayed we wouldn’t have to make a quick getaway, or I would regret that decision in a heartbeat. 

The lower floor of the hardware store was completely ransacked, as were most buildings in the area. When my friends and I had arrived there had only been a few things left on the shelves. Being hungry and without many supplies between us, we had searched every nook and cranny, hoping to find something, anything helpful. It was then that we had found the door. It was badly bashed and marked, clear signs that others had tried to get through it, but when we tried the handle it was still locked. It had been all too easy to find a spare key behind the counter, clearly deemed useless by the others who had picked through the store before us. And that had given us our hideout: a tiny apartment above the store, probably inhabited by the owner. 

I made my way to that door now, even though Chishiya was more interested in strolling around and investigating the few items left on the shelves. 

“You won’t find anything useful,” I told him, before going behind the counter, crouching down and reaching as far beneath it as I could. I stretched, only relaxing slightly as my fingers brushed metal and I had the key in my hands. By the time I had the door unlocked Chishiya was beside me again, his hands empty. I tried not to look too smug at me being right about his endeavour being fruitless.

I stepped back, ushering him up the cramped staircase so I could lock the door behind us. It was only when I turned the key that I had an awful thought. Chishiya hadn’t been the Jack in the previous game, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a bad person. It was easy to feel safe with someone when game parameters stopped them from causing you harm. But now we were alone, outside the games, and I was all too aware of the fact that I had blocked the only exit with multiple obstacles. I had thought myself smart, thinking that those things would slow someone down if they were trying to get in. But if things went south and I needed to get out…

I turned and looked up the stairs, finding Chishiya staring back at me. I wondered if he was mentally going down the same route, questioning if it was such a good idea to be locked in with someone he didn’t really know. I found it hard to believe he would think me a threat, but I couldn’t rule out the possibility, so I smiled in a way I hoped was reassuring (but probably just came across as awkward and nervous) and then started up the stairs as well, forcing him to continue. 

The tiny apartment could only be described as a mess. With four of us sharing the space it had been cramped and there were an abundance of things everywhere- both things we had stockpiled and things that belonged to the previous owner. It hadn’t been an unwelcome thing, though. Since we had been here, we hadn’t wanted for anything besides running water, and we had been comfortable enough together that we hadn’t felt awkward about sharing the space. But despite there only being Chishiya and I in there, the one room apartment felt smaller than ever. I wished there was even a separate bedroom to send him off to while I tidied up a bit, but the only other room was the bathroom and it felt a bit mean to shut him in there. 

“Make yourself at home,” I said, not quite making eye contact. I stepped past him to where the open plan space became a kitchen. Here, we had left a drying rack for clothes, and I collected a couple of things from it and then went straight to the bathroom.

As soon as I shut the door, I let out a sigh of relief. It was so strange having Chishiya here. It was so strange having him in a space that had belonged to my friends and I, as if I had invited him back to our college dorm and were just waiting for all of them to burst through the door and make a fuss, playfully demanding answers from him about his intentions (or lack thereof) with me. It was jarring to be plagued with emotions from a completely different time and I hated that I suddenly felt awkward about this situation. I hated how it suddenly felt like I’d brought him home, when in reality we were just sheltering from the psycho that roamed the streets, shooting whoever he came across. 

I turned my attention to the large bottles of water we had piled up in the corner of the closet-like room, grabbing a couple and then stepping into the porcelain bath. There, I focused on easing the knots from my hair, the grime and sweat from my skin and the dirt from my clothes. I felt better once I was clean, in clean clothes, and stepped out of the bathroom without the same level of apprehension I had felt before. It’s one night , I told myself. I could deal with being in close quarters for one night.

Chapter Text

Chishiya had been rummaging around in the apartment, evident by the packet of crackers he was crunching away on that hadn’t been in his possession previously. I wanted to gesture to the camping stove on the counter and tell him that I had been planning to cook, but I bit my tongue. I had told him to make himself at home hadn’t I? So I couldn’t be too surprised that he had gone ahead and ate without me. Plus, when I thought about it, cooking for him felt too… domestic. 

“You have a lot of stuff,” Chishiya said, looking around. He inspected the abundance of pictures on the walls that were filled with people I had never met.

“It’s not really mine, obviously. Most of it was here from the previous owner and the rest…” I took a breath, looking away. “The rest was gathered by my friends. I just got lucky that they were resourceful.” I tugged at the top I was wearing, trying for some humour. “This technically isn’t even mine.”

I didn’t think that Chishiya would ask anything further- I suspected he wasn’t really interested- but still, just in case, I turned away from him and looked in the cupboards of the kitchenette, just for something to do. I wasn’t really hungry but still, I grabbed a snack before realising that while I was clean and refreshed, I hadn’t extended the same privilege to my guest. God , I thought to myself, my hosting skills could do with work.

“I’ll find you something to wear,” I said to Chishiya, who had seemingly had enough of looking around and had perched on the arm of the couch. I wasn’t sure if he had done that to avoid sitting amongst the blankets that were still laid out on the main part of the sofa or if he just liked it there. 

“Don’t trouble yourself,” he replied. 

I suspected he was being sarcastic, but I still rifled through the small selection of clothing that was packed into one of the drawers, finding a generic black t-shirt and joggers. He had the sense to put the crackers down before I lobbed them his way, then he followed my actions from before and headed to the bathroom. However, he paused in the doorway, turning back ever so slightly.

“I take it your friends won’t mind,” he said. It took me a moment to realise he was talking about the clothes I had given him and not the whole him-being-here thing. Although, given the circumstances, the answer was the same. 

An image of my friends- laying still, their eyes glassy and vacant, blood pooling out wider and wider beneath them as their lifeforce was reduced to nothing- came into my head unbidden. My voice came out strained as I said, “No. No, they won’t”

He disappeared into the tiny bathroom without further comment. I stood there, feeling lost for a moment, before scooping up the packet of crackers and moving them to the kitchen counter, folding the plastic over so they wouldn’t go stale. Then I shuffled some things around, belatedly trying to make the apartment appear more tidy. I quickly realised that it was in vain- with this abundance of stuff in this small amount of space, there was no way of making it look good- and grabbed a blanket from the couch instead, pulling it around me and settling into the plush, if threadbare, cushions. 

The coffee table was littered with all sorts of things- magazines, books, the occasional mug and coaster- but there was only one thing I wanted from it. I grabbed the binoculars- a small pair that had been intended for birdwatching- and gazed out of the window. The view had been one of my favourite things about this place, not because it was anything spectacular but because just being able to see the surrounding streets was a comfort. It was much easier to relax in a place where you could see dangers approaching. Now, I was looking at the sky instead of the street level, looking for the blimps and the giant cards that hung beneath them. 

The King of Spades wasn’t visible from my vantage point- which I supposed was a good thing- but I could just see a couple of others poking over tops of the buildings. Both the Queen of Clubs and the King of Diamonds looked as though they were in walking distance- maybe tomorrow would bring us to one of those. 

I yawned, unable to stop myself. It had been a long day. It had been a long couple of days and now I was sitting down, so comfortable, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I wanted to stay awake so Chishiya and I could discuss the remaining games, but between one bleary blink and another, I found myself drifting off. There was nothing I could do to stop it. 

*

When I woke up it was still dark, although a slither of light was breaking through on the horizon. For a moment, I was naively relaxed. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten where I was, it was just that I’d forgotten what day it was. Waking up in the familiar apartment had momentarily tricked my brain into thinking it was days ago, when I was here surrounded by friends. But instead, I was here with… 

I shot up from where I was slouched on the sofa, ignoring the painful crick in my neck. I wasn’t sure what I had expected to see, but it certainly wasn’t Chishiya laying upon the single bed in the corner, on top of the covers, his chest rising and falling gently as he slept. It was a bizarre sight, even though I couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe it was just him being here that was throwing me off. But the more likely reason- and the one that was making more and more sense as I thought about it- was the fact that he looked so calm. So unguarded. That smug, careless front had been abandoned in the name of sleep. From where I was in the dim half-light, I could just see his curtain of white blonde hair, those long lashes fanning out above his cheeks. He was so effortlessly pretty and I couldn’t get over it. 

Then he moved and I jolted, quickly shutting my eyes. I prayed I hadn’t been caught staring, partly because I thought I might die from the embarrassment and partly because I knew he would never let me forget it. But when silent seconds passed and there was no sign of a beratement coming my way, I slowly peeked an eye open and confirmed that I was in the clear; he had just been moving in his sleep.

I sighed, forcing myself to look away. Instead, I turned my attention back to the window, wanting to focus on anything but the man in my apartment. Even then, I couldn’t get my mind to turn off for long enough to fall back asleep or to even just rest my eyes. Now I was awake, I needed to be up and about before I crawled out of my skin. However, I didn’t want to wake Chishiya, so where before I might’ve got up and started boiling water on the camping stove for eggs or tea, I bundled the blanket and the binoculars in my arms and quietly unlatched the window. 

Getting to the flat roof was easy, especially given how many times I had done it before, and it gave me an even better view than sitting at the window had. I pulled the blanket around my shoulders to fight the chill and then just gazed out at the sky. The stars were long gone, obscured by the soft light that was beginning to fill the sky, but it was still a beautiful sight. It reminded me of the days before, in the old Tokyo, when catching the sunrise would be a rarity. I had thought that that was why it was such a special sight, because I didn’t get to see it often. But being here, where I was often up before the sun, I had realised that that wasn’t the case at all. Astrological movements were always a spectacle, no matter how many times I got to see them. 

I could almost trick myself into thinking it was a normal day, sitting upon the roof, when a zeppelin cut into my field of view and ruined the whole thing. I had the binoculars to my eyes in a split second, focusing on the silvery blimp in the distance. It was the King of Spades, still on the move. Did he ever sleep? I thought to myself. Surely he would have to, but I was yet to see it. Part of me wondered if he could’ve been genetically engineered to never need sleep or other human functions (if that was even possible) or if the role of the King was being played by multiple people, to let them have breaks. I tried to stop thinking about it, knowing that I would never find out the answer. The only thing I had to worry about was keeping my distance, and for now, he seemed to be doing that for me. Even now, he was still too far away to be a threat. I wondered how long I would be awarded the luxury of distance; I wondered when my twisted luck would run out. 

The King of Diamonds and the Queen of Clubs games were still yet to be completed, their zeppelins still appearing suspended amongst the smattering of clouds in the sky. Their shiny surfaces reflected the quickly approaching dawn, coating them in tangerine hues and giving them the appearance of being on fire. And maybe, before the day was done, they would indeed be consumed by flames. One could only hope. 

A shout from the street caught me off guard and I almost dropped the binoculars straight off the roof. Instinctively, I clutched them to my chest, my hands shaking, and ducked my head as much as I could, hoping it could conceal me from sight. Taking a deep breath, I used the binoculars again, this time looking at the long road ahead and spying three people. The lack of good light made features indistinguishable but from their body language, I could tell they didn’t think they were in any danger. In fact, their shouting seemed to be for their own amusement rather than as a warning or a cry of fright. I frowned. These people seemed drunk, ambling down the street laughing and joking, pushing each other around. They had no idea that a threat could be anywhere. Hell, if I were more deranged, up on this roof with a gun and the intention to do harm, I could pick them off right now. One by one. 

My peace ruined, I climbed back down to the window and slipped through. But no sooner had I stepped off the windowsill, I was grabbed. There was a split second where I saw movement, a split second where I felt panic, before there was a hand clasped around my mouth, stifling my shout of surprise. I jerked, trying to free myself from my assailant, when I felt the cool bite of metal on my neck. That was enough to make me freeze. Breathe , I told myself, you can get out of this. Just breathe.

Then the hold loosened. “Oh, it’s you.”

I wrenched free, spinning around to see Chishiya, still sporting outrageous bedhead, all but grinning at me. “You’re an idiot,” I hissed, attempting to hide how scared I had been. Then I eyed the object in his hands. “And that’s a butter knife.”

He looked down at it and then chucked it onto the coffee table. “You don’t have weapons in this house.”

“And good thing,” I retorted. I had dropped the binoculars in my shock, so I scooped them up, quickly checking to make sure they were unbroken before putting them on the sofa. When I turned around and saw that Chishiya was still looking far too amused I added, “You might want to fix your hair.”

He immediately reached up to smooth it, although his face didn’t give away any feelings of self consciousness or the like. In the meantime, I fetched some snacks from the stockpile, my hands itching to do something. I could’ve cooked like I had wanted to last night, but now I was too irritated. It was so early and yet this morning had already been eventful. It would’ve been nice to wake up after a contented, comfortable sleep, both of us quietly getting ready for the day ahead, but instead my neck and shoulders were hurting from where I’d fallen asleep sitting up and my heart was still racing from Chishiya’s attack. It was the type of morning that made a strange sort of sense in this world; completely and utterly unrelaxing. 

Chishiya had enough sense not to complain about the impromptu breakfast, despite the coveted camping stove that sat pride of place on the counter. Instead, he tucked in without comment, only speaking to change the subject. “I’m going to another game today.”

It wasn’t a surprise to hear it, after all I had also been looking out at the blimps still in the sky, the games still in session. Despite having visa days and feeling completely run down from patchy sleep, meals and stress, there was still a weird sort of guilt that came from sitting back and letting other people compete and risk their lives in the games. Of course, I wouldn’t complain if all of the games were finished without me, but seeing how many were left made me want to get back out there and try and help to win some. After all, if we were to get any closer to finishing all of this, we would need all the help we could get.

Plus, I couldn’t imagine the two of us just hanging out here for another whole day. Last night had been awkward enough. That made my decision easier- I would join a game today. I quickly recalled which games I had seen nearby, and watched as Chishiya got that gleam in his eye that made me think he was scheming. 

“Well, the choice is obvious,” he said. “The King of Diamonds would be no match for me.”

I scoffed. “Well, aren’t you humble? I think the Queen of Clubs would be better though. I mean, it’s a team game and we’re a team already.” It was then that I actually recalled his word choice- I instead of we - and it clicked that he was intending to go it alone. But it was too late to take back what I’d said. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Who said we’re a team?”

“You’re in my house eating my food,” I quipped, trying to ignore the sting- him rejecting me once again. “If we’re not a team then you can leave right now.”

Chishiya smirked. “I thought you said this all belonged to your friends.”

“They’re dead,” I said bluntly. “I inherited it.”

He was silent for a moment. Then he dipped his head- the slightest nod- and looked away. “Still, the King of Diamonds game is where I’m going. You can come or not. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Diamonds aren’t my strong point. You’d have to carry me through.”

“I carried you through the Jack of Hearts as well so I’d say I have some experience,” he mused. He was enjoying this conversation far too much for my liking.

“And you’d drop me immediately if it gave you any sort of advantage,” I said, wanting him to dispute it. He didn’t. “So I’ll pass.”

“So it’s settled then,” Chishiya said with an air of finality before going back to the food.

Despite outwardly agreeing with him, I didn’t share in the vigour. We would eat and then we would go our separate ways- that much we had decided on. I knew it made sense and yet I couldn’t shift the feeling that it was the wrong decision, at least on my part. We should’ve split already, I should’ve been eating this meal alone and wondering what the day would bring. Instead, I had dragged out the inevitable. Chishiya was always going to leave, I had just stalled him for a matter of hours, no more than half a day. I knew that… so why did it feel so wrong? Had I really, stupidly, thought I could change his mind? 

I didn’t feel hungry but ate anyway, picking at the colourfully packaged goods on the table. I would eat until it was time to go, focusing on putting as many calories into my body as possible instead of the burning disappointment I felt in my chest. After all, alone or not, I had a game to play today. A game I had to win. I could worry about going back to moving through this world alone again when I was back here, hesitantly safe and with more days of my life tucked securely under my belt.

Chapter Text

Once we had eaten I gathered up the remaining snacks and dumped them on the kitchen counter, before thinking better of it and deciding to reorganise all the stockpiled food. Then, despite us not using plates or much cutlery at all, I started washing up. I collected the old mugs from the coffee table as well as the random things that were lying around the place and ran them under the cold, bottled water, using the dregs of a washing up liquid that had been left by the previous owner to clean them. It was strangely gratifying but it was mostly a waste of time, and that was why I wanted to do it. I didn’t want to rush off to a game, not when both my visa and my pantry were stocked up. But at the same time I knew I should. Was there any point in prolonging things? Chishiya clearly wanted out and I knew that if I was destined to die in a game, it would wait for me. I couldn’t avoid death by hiding in here, no matter how comfortable it was. And the thought of other people out there, fighting for their life while I was in here doing nothing made me feel sort of guilty. I would play another game today- it was just the way of this world. 

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t drag things out slightly. I took my time washing up the sparse dishes, checking the wet clothes on the rack and folding up the dry ones. And while I was doing it to prolong the time, it also felt like a promise- a promise to myself that I would be back here tonight. Sometimes, especially when my friends were still alive, I would act like my life was guaranteed, that this was my home and the games were my job and leaving and coming back was a normal part of my day. It was a poor semblance of life before but it had kept me going in the quieter moments, when images invaded my mind uninvited and cruel reality tried to seep into my bones. Whether my delusions were a form of manifestation or just plain stupidity, it had worked for me so far. Despite everything, I was still alive, and while I knew deep down it had nothing to do with my rituals of domestic activities and everything to do with luck or the kindness of strangers, I would still stick to my routine, just in case.

Chishiya hadn’t seemed to cotton on to the fact I was stalling- although that could’ve just been a misconception on my part given his clear intelligence. He didn’t speak up about it though, letting me get on with my menial tasks while he poked around the apartment. The first time I glanced up I thought he was just being nosey, but upon a second inspection it seemed like he was collecting things. 

His hoodie had dried enough for him to wear again- or, at least, he claimed it had- and if he wanted to stuff his pockets with random junk he could be my guest. It was a strange thing to be doing though, as the things he was taking seemed to make no sense to me. 

Soon, my curiosity won out and I had to question it. “What’re you doing?”

Chishiya looked up lazily, clearly not concerned that he was essentially stealing from me right before my eyes. “Borrowing.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Oh? So you’re planning to give all of that back when you’re done?”

He just smirked.

“You know, I don’t mind if you want to take things,” I said, “but what’s it for?”

“Hmm,” he said, as though he needed to think about his answer. Then he said carefully, “I make things.”

“Like… what?”

“Like,” he repeated, “a taser.”

“A taser?!” I exclaimed. Now that was a surprise. 

He chuckled. “You’ll be glad to hear I lost it, otherwise you might’ve experienced it first hand this morning.”

This morning - when he held a blunt knife to my throat. If he’d had his taser, what would’ve happened then? Would the zap from that have been enough to knock me out? And what about the fall afterwards? In such a small place, what were the chances I would fall on something that wouldn’t injure me? I eyed the solid wood coffee table and tried not to think about cracking my head off of it. Now that would’ve knocked me out… or worse.

“So you lost your taser and replaced it with a butter knife?” I asked teasingly. “What a downgrade.”

Chishiya frowned, irritated. Whether it was directed solely at me or if the reminder of his missing contraption had annoyed him as well, I wasn’t sure. “Like I said, you don’t have weapons in here.”

“So you’re hoping to make one?”

“That’s the plan,” he said, going back to pulling out drawers and rifling around inside them.

“Well,” I said, “if you come across the materials, I’d like a taser too. You know, for the next time someone threatens me with a butter knife.”

And while it wasn’t enough to make him laugh, I did see the faintest of smiles upon his lips, betraying his amusement. 

*

Soon, the only thing left to do was to leave. So we did.

I made a point of showing Chishiya where I was putting the keys- under the counter, all the way at the back- and he watched lazily as I did so, as if that was completely useless information to him. In fact, when I glanced at him to make sure he was paying attention, I found him looking at me already, instead of what I was showing him. 

I gave him an exasperated look. “This is important.”

“Right,” he replied. 

“I’m showing you so you can come back here,” I explained, before quickly adding, “If you want to.”

He looked away. “I’m not planning on it.”

It was a response I should’ve expected, but I still felt the bite. Still, I didn’t want to spend possibly our last conversation being hurt or irritated, so I decided to take what he was saying a different way.

“Well, no, of course not,” I said, trying for a jovial tone. “I’m sure you have big plans to take down the remaining face cards all by yourself. And with your pockets full of junk there’ll be no stopping you.”

And, to my surprise, Chishiya played along. “If I get going now I should be done by the end of the day.”

I feigned surprise as we made our way back through the store, towards the entrance. “Wow, and then we’ll all be able to go home!”

“That would be nice,” he muttered, and I noticed the mood change immediately. It was the first thing he had said to me that suggested anything less than the self-assured front he always seemed to put up, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to, if he even meant for me to hear that.

“Well, if your heroics need a break, the offer’s still there,” I told him, hoping he knew I truly meant it. But he stayed silent, seemingly lost in thought. “You never know,” I added, unable to help myself, “you might need me.”

And that, at least, was enough to make him laugh.

Once we were through the door and had replaced the barricades, it was an all too short walk to the roadside, where we would split and go our separate ways. It had been in the back of my mind since we decided to go to games today, that this time would come. I had wanted to say something nice, something to end our time together as allies on a high note, while simultaneously understanding that he probably wouldn’t appreciate it. I had gone back and forth in my head about it and now the time was here, I still had no idea what to say. 

We hit the road and I panicked. “Do you know which way to go?” I blurted out. A stupid question if there ever was one. 

Chishiya slowed to a stop. “Yes,” he said, gesturing to the left.

“Okay… I’m going that way.” I pointed to the right.

“I know.” 

“Okay.”

He stood there with his hands in his pockets, eyebrows raised slightly as if he knew I wanted to say something else. But words had escaped me. Me- the one who overthought to oblivion. And now when it was important and I wanted to say something, I had no idea what the right words were. I had extended an invitation for him to come back here- one that he had all but refused- so what else could I really say?

“Don’t die or anything,” I told him sternly, as if he had any choice in the matter. 

Chishiya smirked. “Why? Would you miss me?”

Yes , I wanted to say. Yes, because we haven’t had enough time yet and there’s still so much I want to know about you. Because you put up this heartless front and I want to know how much of it is real. Because even though we barely know each other, you're the closest thing I have to a friend right now and I can’t let another friend die. 

But instead I laughed and said, “You still owe me that taser.”

Then, without really thinking, I took a cautious half step forward- to test both my nerve and his reaction. And when he didn’t react at all, I closed the distance between us and threw my arms around him. Chishiya tensed slightly but otherwise didn’t move, didn’t even take his hands out of his pockets. And in a split second it was over. 

I spun on my heel, wanting to put as much distance as possible between us while I mentally questioned what the hell I’d been thinking. Then, face flaming, I called over my shoulder, “Stay alive!” 

And as I quickly walked off towards my next game, I could’ve sworn I heard him chuckle. 

*

I was still completely embarrassed by my actions when I reached the Queen of Clubs game, but at least the heat on my face had kept me warm against the breeze that was picking up. I had originally cursed myself for washing my beloved hoodie, knowing I wouldn’t be able to wear it today, but warmth-wise I wasn’t really missing it now. Comfort-wise, however, was a whole other story. Chishiya had the right idea when it came to walking around with your hands in your pockets- it effortlessly gave you an air of confidence even if you didn’t truly feel that way. Plus, nobody could see the tremble in your hands when they were tucked deep into a hoodie. I could’ve done with some of that false confidence as I strode up to the group gathered in what looked like a warehouse, all holding their collected phones and staring at the screens intently. 

Here I was again, an outsider. But if I was looking on the bright side of things, it also meant I had no one to worry about but myself. 

Well… that kind of wasn’t true. As much as I hated to admit it, any moment where my brain temporarily forgot about my embarrassing actions was spent wondering if Chishiya had made it to his game yet and how it might be going. And every time I caught myself, I hated it a little bit more. He might die and I would never know, and I couldn’t spend the rest of my life worrying about someone who would probably never spare me a thought again. I had to just trust that his intelligence would hold up, especially against the King of Diamonds

A couple of people glanced up as I walked over to the table of phones, more because the movement had caught their eye rather than any sort of recognition. But when they saw I was just another contestant, they looked away again. As was typical with these games. I got a phone and registered before leaning against a nearby pillar and waiting for things to start. 

Tapping absentmindedly on the lit up screen, I didn’t notice the girl that had come to stand nearby until she dropped something and it rolled across the floor, not stopping until its path was intercepted by my foot. I flinched even though it was a lightweight object and then bent to pick it up for her. It was a black tube of lipstick in a brand that sounded expensive, and I couldn’t help but wonder where she had got it as I handed it back to her. Had she had it on her when she came to this world- like my friend and her small stash of makeup back at the apartment- or had she gone out of her way to go and find it, deeming it as important as food or first aid supplies? It didn’t matter, of course, but I was curious. 

The girl thanked me and then immediately started applying it, giving herself a perfect red lip without the use of a mirror- a practised hand indeed. That, matched with her stylish sunglasses and near flawless white shirt made her look quite glamorous, especially amongst all the people around us in torn, dirty clothes. How she had managed to move through this world looking like that, I had no idea. But I was a little entranced. 

“That’s a really pretty colour,” I told her, in regard to her lipstick. “It suits you.”

Her perfectly painted lips curled into a smile and she reached up to prop her sunglasses on her head. Now that her eyes were revealed, I noticed her smile reached those too. “Thanks,” she said, and it sounded genuine. 

Just then, a girl shouted from the other side of the room. “Ann!” she called, and the red-lipped girl turned, shocked. 

I then watched as a girl in a blue bikini top and low slung jeans made her way through the sparse crowd, reuniting with the girl in front of me. Of course it made sense that these two pretty girls would know each other. 

I looked away, feeling as though I was intruding, and turned my gaze to the other competitors. There was only a single phone left on the table and I felt that deep rooted feeling of dread settle in the pit of my stomach. The game would start soon. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the girl in blue looking at me expectantly and I realised that she must’ve said something to me. I, being oblivious, had missed any such thing. That doesn’t bode well for the game , I thought to myself. Then the girl with the red lipstick, who I felt I could safely assume was called Ann, spoke up and I felt a little less confused about what was happening. 

“I was just speaking to…” she said before trailing off. 

“Izumi,” I said after a moment, realising she was waiting for me to supply my name. 

“Izumi,” Ann repeated, “was just complimenting my lipstick.”

The other girl smiled. “It is a great colour. I’m Kuina, by the way. Are you here alone?”

“Yes,” I replied. I wanted to say more but this wasn’t really the time for it. “It’s a long story.”

“I bet,” Kuina said, in a way that made me think she understood; that her story was complicated too. 

Then all of our attention was stolen by the automated voice coming over hidden loudspeakers, announcing that registration had closed. I glanced at the table and, sure enough, the final phone had been collected. The final person had joined the game. 

“Good luck,” I said to the girls beside me, just in case I didn’t have another chance to. They seemed kind- the exact type of girls I was friends with in the old Tokyo. 

The rush of homesickness was almost nauseating but I pushed it away. Now I had to focus. My life depended on it.

Chapter Text

“Clubs are team games,” said Ann, looking around, as if there might be some indication in our environment as to what exactly we would be doing. My eyes were glued to my phone screen instead, waiting for it to flash up with instructions while the automated voice read them out. 

Kuina seemed to be confident though. “Yeah, so with us two-“ she glanced at me and amended her wording, “or three together then it’ll be a breeze.”

“I hope so,” I said and then went back to paying attention to the voice. I was quietly happy that I had been included in her sentiments, even if I knew how quickly people could turn on each other in a life or death situation. Still, this was a team game, so maybe all of us together would be working against a singular Queen of Clubs. I could hope. 

In the end, the game that was described to us by the voice was dodgeball, where the players would be divided in half and pitted against each other. It was a simple premise by game standards but I knew that that didn’t really mean anything. The game masters could find a way to make even the easiest of tasks deadly. But at least I knew what I was doing, compared to some other games where I didn’t fully understand the rules until we were going through the motions of it. 

I tried my best to psyche myself up, calling on that sliver of competitiveness deep down inside of me that I knew would help me out here. The last time I had played dodgeball was when I was at school, but I had been good enough back then. How hard could this be?

By some stroke of luck, I got put on the same team as Kuina and Ann, and I let myself feel the tiniest prickle of hope. They seemed confident, even after the game had been described and the teams divvied up. And when we entered the large area where the game would take place- taking note of the gaps in the floor that seemed to descend into nothing- they didn’t seem concerned. 

Their confidence was addicting. I found myself less and less nervous by the minute, even though I knew that death could still be just around the corner. But the longer I spent in their presence, the further away it felt. I couldn’t be sure if that was a good thing or if the newfound boldness would make me sloppy, but I knew it was time to find out. 

The game felt like it went by in a flash. As soon as it began, I was running on pure adrenaline, trying to stay alert and willing the balls I was throwing to find their mark. Ann and Kuina were a formidable pair and had each other’s back throughout it all- each one moving in complete sync with the other. They even helped me a couple of times with either a well-timed shout of warning or a well-placed ball thrown at my attacker. 

By the end, when the final ball was thrown and our final opponent taken down, I was exhausted, my breath coming in gasps. Despite doing physical games during my time in this world, the lack of proper nutrition and sleep had made my body weaker. Gone was the girl that could go jogging and barely break a sweat. Now sweating was the least of my worries. If I was sweating, I was alive, and that was all that mattered. 

I caught my breath and stepped back. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe the come down from winning the game had robbed me of some good sense and made me forget that while the game was over, dangers still remained. My foot met air and I felt myself fall. 

I barely had time to shout before my body jerked, my shoulder screaming in pain. I looked up, to where my arm was pulled taunt, to where hands were clasped around my wrist, holding me up. I didn’t dare look down into the abyss I knew was waiting for me. I just focused on Kuina, whose eyes were wide, her face red from the exertion. In a split second reaction, she had saved me. 

Ann was braced beside her, making sure she didn’t topple over the ledge with me, and together they pulled me back up. I kicked with my feet, trying to find purchase on the wall, but the surface was slick and sheer, as if it had been sanded down. Without them, even if I had managed to grab the ledge myself as I fell, I would never have climbed back up. The very design of this place seemed intentional- once you lost your footing, you were a goner. 

But not me. And as I reached solid ground again, the three of us panting on the thin walkway, I felt as though I had cheated death. 

“Thank you,” I sputtered out between my gasping. Then I repeated it over and over, desperate to show my gratitude, although I could barely hear myself over the racing of my heart. Finally, I calmed a little and stopped my rambling. 

Kuina was already up, looking a bit tired but otherwise fine, as if she hadn’t just lifted the dead weight of an entire person out of the claws of death. Ann was waiting for us on the other side, having smartly moved away from the ravines once she had recovered.  

“Your reactions are incredible,” I said, pushing to my feet. “You saved my life.”

She smiled. “I used to do martial arts,” she said, by way of explanation. Still, her strength was surprising given how lean she was. 

We were the last ones to leave the game arena and the streets outside were deserted, as if the other participants had vanished into thin air. Ann and Kuina paused, chatting, and I made a point of stopping as well, propping my foot up on a low wall to re-tie my shoelaces. It felt rude of me to just walk off, knowing that they had selflessly saved my life. I was in debt to them, and being in debt to someone in this world could be dangerous. But it wasn’t just that. Comradery in this world was like a drug and with every bit I tasted, I wanted more of it. With every day- every game- that went by, it was becoming more and more apparent to me that I strongly relied on other people to get me through, and when I didn’t have an ally I was desperate for one. I was constantly yearning for the proximity of other people, and now was no different. I didn’t immediately walk off, away from Kuina and Ann, simply because I didn’t want to. 

I wanted to ask them to be allies but wasn’t really sure of how to go about it. With them chatting, I didn’t want to interrupt but I also didn’t want to just be standing around waiting, looking like a creep. So the moment I sensed a lull in conversation, I approached them again.

“Is there anything I can do to repay you?” I asked. “Since you saved me when you really didn’t have to.”

“Don’t-“ Kuina started before she was cut off by the sound of gunshots in the distance. 

All three of our heads snapped towards the direction of the sound and- sure enough- the King of Spades blimp was fast approaching, showing him to only be about a block away. 

“Unless you have a safe place away from him , I doubt there’s anything you can do for us right now,” Ann said bitterly, although I suspected her disdain was directed at the killer around the corner instead of me. Then she added to Kuina, “We need to run.”

But I was still a little shocked at what she’d said first. Because even though she had been joking, I actually could help out in that regard. I just couldn’t believe I’d been given the chance I was looking for- a chance to be helpful.

“Actually,” I said as the pair started backing up, ready to run off, “I do know a place.”

Ann met my eyes, nodded and then said, “Right. Then lead the way. Quickly!”

Then the King of Spades turned the corner and we ran for our lives. 

*

I knew the route like the back of my hand, especially since I was just retracing my steps from a couple of hours ago. I focused on leading us the right way instead of the shots and screams of anguish echoing behind me. We had to take some detours, ducking into doorways or behind cars until the King was distracted enough by someone else that we could make our escape safely. And by the time the hardware store came into view, we had managed to put a good distance between us and danger, although I knew it wouldn’t be safe to linger for too long. Even though it sounded awful, I was glad we hadn’t been the only ones the King of Spades had found. If he hadn't been chasing another group as he came upon us, we might not have escaped his terror. But from the sounds of it, he was still close on our heels. We needed to get inside now, before he saw us. Because if we were seen going into the hardware store, I was sure he wouldn’t let up until we were all slaughtered within. And while the camouflage and flimsy barricades were useful in making people think the building was abandoned and decrepit, they would be no use against bullets. We had to get in unseen. 

“Come on,” I called, running ahead. 

But I had just made it to the hidden door when I heard someone shout. The three of us turned and, while for me it was because the sound had scared me, Kuina and Ann seemed to recognise the voice. 

A young man and woman, no older than me, ran up looking physically worse for wear. However, my attention was drawn to their faces and the relieved expressions that were held within them and I quickly realised that these were people Ann and Kuina knew. Still, there was no time for introductions or reconciliations. 

“We need to hide,” I reminded everyone. I noticed the pair eyeing me carefully, confusion colouring their features as they considered me- the outsider of the group. 

“Come on,” Kuina said to them. “Let’s get inside before the King comes.”

The reminder of the danger behind us was enough to spur them into action- enough to make them momentarily trust me- and I wasted no time in getting us inside, only relaxing slightly when I had blocked the door behind us. Having never been here before, I noticed the others looking around, presumably for the best place to hide in case the King of Spades came knocking. I darted around them to the counter, reaching for the keys. 

My hand met nothing and I physically flinched, my heart racing as I tried to work out what that meant. My first thought was that someone had stolen them, but the only person alive who knew where they were was Chishiya. Was Chishiya here? I hadn’t had a chance to look to see if the blimp from his game was still in the sky but there was a chance it was over and he was back here, despite saying he wouldn’t return. 

Hope bubbled just below the surface, threatening to spill over. But when I pulled my arm back from under the counter, I heard the telltale click of metal and cursed under my breath. In my haste, I had checked for the keys in the wrong place, just over from where they actually were. And while I knew I should be glad they were there at all, I couldn’t be anything but irritated at my own stupidity. How many times did my hopes have to be shot down before I learnt my lesson?

I snatched the keys up, unlocked the door and ushered everyone inside the apartment. My hands trembled as I locked the door behind us all, although I couldn’t tell if it was from fear of the King of Spades who had to be just outside by now, the deathly wave of disappointment that I had just experienced or a mix of both, with a dash of lack of proper nourishment thrown in for good measure. Whatever it was, I had to get a hold of myself. I was back to safety (at least for now) but I had four near strangers in my house that I had to worry about. Kuina and Ann seemed nice enough but I didn’t know the others. The fact they were all friends made it better but it would only take one of them to be reckless- especially now, with an enemy on our doorstep- to spell death for the rest of us. 

I put that pessimistic thought behind me as I climbed the stairs, preparing to make introductions. If I put a positive spin on this- I had four people with me now where this morning I only had me. And Chishiya , my brain reminded me. But he was gone and had said he wasn’t coming back. I had to let that stupid, naive hope go that he might return before it drove me insane.

Chapter Text

Everyone was at the window, crouched down and peering tentatively through the glass and the mass of criss-crossing foliage on the other side. Once again, the long sightlines of this apartment were coming in handy. And while at first the snaking greenery on the outside of the glass could be considered a hindrance, right now it was another level of insurance. As long as you stayed relatively still, you could look out of the window uninterrupted, the plants and the sun reflecting on the glass working together as camouflage. As far as I knew, no one had ever spotted me in that window, even before the greenery decided to try swallowing the building whole. I just hoped it was the same with the King of Spades, given that no one seemed interested in coming away from the window. He would need supersonic vision to spot us, but given how kitted out he was, I wouldn’t put that sort of gadget past him.

I quietly joined the others. We looked out onto the street in silence, punctuated by the sound of gunshots outside, proof that the King was indeed still out there, just around the corner from where we had been standing. Before our eyes, people began to streak past, running for their lives. Then, looking like the Grim Reaper himself, the King strode into our sightline, guns blazing. My heart kicked into overdrive, the previous relief from being inside gone, as he made his way down the street. Despite knowing- hoping- we were safe, I held my breath as he passed under the window, carrying on his deathly rampage without even a second look at our hiding place. 

If he hadn’t been distracted by more victims on the street, focused on chasing them down and taking them out, might he have investigated the area more? Might he have looked in the buildings in this area, looking for signs of life? Once again I found myself guiltily being pleased to not find out the answers to those questions, even though I knew that it was only the deaths of other people that ensured that. Still, I couldn’t stop the relief that flooded my body as he didn’t so much as glance in our direction. And I wasn’t the only one. There was a sigh, although I couldn’t be sure who it was from. The girl I hadn’t been introduced to stepped away from the glass along with Ann. Then the guy followed and it was just Kuina and I looking out. I was about to follow suit, ready to actually introduce myself to the two strangers that had joined us at the last minute, when Kuina gasped and my eyes snapped back to the window. 

“Look,” she said, pointing off into the distance. 

But she needn’t have bothered. The inferno in the sky spoke for itself, as did the billowing smoke. Another blimp was on fire and, when the force of it coming down turned the card in our direction, I was momentarily pleased to see it was the King of Diamonds. My chest clenched at the sight of it, imagining Chishiya walking out from that game, smug as ever. Of course, it was impossible for me to know if he had made it, but I was holding out hope. If anyone was smart enough to beat the King of Diamonds then it was him. 

I grabbed my binoculars and watched the zeppelin come down, the shiny exterior charring and curling from the lick of the flames. There was no point in watching it but I found myself transfixed. That was, until something equally as shiny blocked my view. I pulled the binoculars away and found that I had been looking right at the King of Spades’ blimp, already a couple of streets away. My blood ran cold as I pieced together what that meant. I knew he had been heading in that direction, but I assumed he had been chasing people. But if I thought about it, he had come by the Queen of Clubs game just after it had finished which made a sick sort of sense. He got a visual clue of where people would be, fresh out of a game and possibly exhausted, the survivors experiencing a deadly mix of fatigue and exhilaration from the win. It would make sense for him to go to these locations if he was nearby, ready to pick off players from other games when they were off guard. And now, as I watched his zeppelin from afar, it looked as though he was going right to the location of the King of Diamonds game. Chishiya was smart, yes, but if he was tired and caught off guard…

“The King of Diamonds just came down,” Kuina supplied to the others in case they had missed it.

The guy seemed exceptionally pleased. “That’s good. We’re another step closer to the end.”

“My friend was there,” I blurted out. “And now the King of Spades is going that way.”

“They’ll probably be out of the way by now, hidden,” Kuina said, even though her mouth was set into a grim line. It was nice that she was trying to help me not panic but there was no hiding the fact that no one so far had faced the King of Spades and come out alive. Except for me, although that came down to my own cowardice. To think, my own fear had saved me; it seemed absurd. Unfortunately, Chishiya didn’t seem like the cowardly type. I just hoped he had found a good enough place to hide, and quickly.

“Thank you for helping us,” the girl said all of a sudden, a small, grateful smile on her face. It was enough to take me from my thoughts- my incessant worrying- and although I knew that probably hadn’t been her intention, I mentally thanked her all the same. Whether I worried about Chishiya or not, it wouldn’t change things. If he was dead, he was dead. There was nothing I could do about it. There were, however, things I could do for these people, who I had welcomed in. 

So I packed my worries away and slid on a false persona, choosing to act as a dutiful host. I finally learnt the names of the young man and woman- Arisu and Usagi, respectively- and threw myself into making everyone a meal. It made me thankful to my past self for clearing up a bit earlier and obsessively cleaning as best I could, because now the tiny apartment was fit for entertaining. The others all took it in turns using the bathroom to wash up before all offering their help to me, wanting to assist with the cooking. I turned them away under the guise of them being guests and the fact that I was cooking over a singular camping stove, but the main reason was because I wanted something to focus on, alone. The four of them had each other and were busy catching up, and I enjoyed listening to them as I worked. I had nothing to add to their conversation, being the outsider, and so I was glad to have something to do while they chatted, discussing games and strategies and other, more pointless things as well. 

I served the majority of the stockpiled instant noodles- knowing that this was the most activity the apartment would be seeing for a while and that, if it came to it, I could survive on far less by myself- as well as getting out the couple cases of beers that one of my friends had “hit the jackpot” on a couple of days before we attempted to go after the King of Spades. We had all been so pleased to see that familiar Sapporo logo that we had almost started drinking them that night, only to restrain ourselves and decide to save them for a celebration. For when the King of Spades was slayed and we were back together, knowing we had eliminated one of the biggest dangers in the city. 

Now, knowing that dream was impossible, I cracked open the first case, offering the beers to my guests. And although it hurt, knowing that I was meant to be drinking them with different people, the surprise and happiness on their faces made it worth it. 

“Sorry, they’re not cold,” I told them, but it didn’t seem to matter. 

“Ah, I never thought I’d see a beer again!” Kuina exclaimed, taking it from me with both hands and staring at the can starry eyed. 

“You did plenty of drinking at The Beach, didn’t you?” Arisu said. 

“That crap was watered down as hell. They had to make it last, you know? This is the real deal.”

One thing stood out to me. “You were at The Beach?” I asked. It was a place I had only heard about- a paradise turned game arena. Rumours of a bloodbath had reached my friends and I, although stories often seemed dragged out and exaggerated. As was often the case with rumours. 

“We all were,” said Ann. And so they all filled me in. 

They spoke about how they had heard about it, separately, and about how they all found themselves there. Ann, who had been what was known as an executive, had been there the longest and therefore had the most to say, but they all pitched in to paint the picture. Despite me hearing snippets from others in the past, either directly or in passing, it didn’t compare to them describing it in such detail, giving me their own stories. It was around the time when the ten of hearts game kicked off that Usagi got a bit quieter, a little more focused on the meal in front of her. What I gathered was that they were all separated through different circumstances but that they teamed back up to get themselves through it. 

“It was Ann who really saved us, finding out the identity of the witch before all of us could be killed,” said Arisu.

Kuina nodded. “Yeah, luckily the six of us made it out.”

“There were only six survivors?” I said, my eyes wide. A bloodbath indeed. 

“There was more than that,” Ann assured me.

“Only six we cared about,” Kuina clarified before taking a sip of her beer. 

Six of them made it but only four were here now- it was a typical story these days, in this world where death waited just around the corner. Still, it was sad and despite my curiosity, I didn’t want to ask and make them relive any painful memories. The question must’ve been written on my face though, because Kuina spoke up. 

“We lost two of our friends,” she said. “Although we lost them in different ways. One… died. In a game. The other is missing. We haven’t seen him since the beginning of this stage.”

It was a pain I knew well. Missing people you never would’ve met in the old world who became so important to you in this one. Knowing they were dead and there was nothing you could do about it. 

Still, there was a sliver of hope there. “You’ll see him again,” I said, even though I knew there was no guaranteeing their friend was even still alive. 

There were a tense couple of moments, all of us simmering in the grief of the people who had left us through no fault of their own. But by the time the food was gone, the beer cans empty, conversation had moved onto something lighter. I let them talk, turning down help once again as I cleared up. More beers were opened but I didn’t indulge, taking myself to the tiny kitchen area to begin washing up. It was enough for me, just listening to all of them chat, and if I zoned out enough I found myself forgetting the cruel nature of this world, the dangers that lurked just outside the door and in every corner of the city. For a moment it almost felt like the old Tokyo, and I basked in it. 

Kuina came over as I was polishing the last bowl to a shine. “It’s okay,” I told her, thinking she was coming to offer her help again. “I’m almost finished.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve been drying that dish for about ten minutes.”

Christ . I had been so zoned out I hadn’t noticed. Nor had I noticed her watching. 

“You look worried,” Kuina said, her face a picture of concern. “Is it… about your friend?”

It’s about all of them , I wanted to say. It’s that having you all here is the best thing that could’ve happened, the best distraction I could’ve asked for and it’s still not enough. It’s like having my group of friends back but none of them know me, and it’s me weaselling myself back in again and hoping they approve. But even as I thought all of that, there was still something else- someone else- who kept coming into my head unbidden. And it was the exact person that Kuina was referring to, the person I had briefly mentioned as a friend and then not elaborated on. It was a credit to her kindness that she even remembered me mentioning him at all. 

“I guess so,” I said. It didn’t seem like the right thing to say but at the same time I wasn’t sure what else I could say. Chishiya wasn’t mine to miss and yet a cruel part of me did it anyway. 

Unaware of my inner turmoil, Kuina continued. “When are you expecting them back here?”

I barely stifled the bitter laugh that came out of me. “Oh, don’t worry. He’s definitely not coming back.”

“Why? If you guys are friends then where else would he be going?”

“No idea,” I replied. “But he told me himself that he wouldn’t come back here again.”

Kuina’s gaze softened. “Did you guys have a falling out?”

“No,” I said, trying to keep my tone chipper. “He’s just like that.”

Understanding crossed her face. “Emotionally unavailable?”

I laughed. “Oh for sure.”

“I know the sort.”

There was nothing else for me to do in the tiny kitchen, nothing else I could clean or clear away. I turned towards where Arisu, Ann and Usagi were still sitting around the coffee table, the former blazing red and chuckling uncontrollably. It seemed the alcohol had gone straight to his head either from the weeks of sobriety or- more likely, I expected- from being a lightweight. 

I paused, amused by what I was seeing but also not wanting to break that alcohol-infused bubble the three of them were in. I was in limbo, wanting to join but also not wanting to interrupt.

“You know,” Kuina said, following my gaze, “if we’re too much we can leave. It was kind of you to let us come here at all, as well as sharing resources with us. The coast seems clear now so just say the word and we’ll leave you in peace.”

“Oh not at all,” I said. Having them here- a constant reminder of what I had lost- was painful in a way, but I also liked to be surrounded by people. Especially in this world where it was so much harder for people to relax and trust others. “Stay as long as you like. I… miss the company.” 

“You miss him?” It was a simple question, one that I might ask if the roles were reversed, but my traitorous face still flamed. 

“No I…” I paused, taking a deep breath. “This place belonged to my friends. It was more theirs than mine. But they passed away.” It seemed a nicer way of putting it rather than saying they had been brutally shot down, covered in so much blood I questioned where it all could’ve come from. There was surely no way a single body could hold so much blood . “It’s them I truly miss. He… he was only here with me for one night.”

If I hadn’t turned to look at Kuina at that moment I would’ve missed the ghost of a smirk on her face, clearly reading too far into the final thing I had said and struggling not to show it. It instantly transported me back to the old Tokyo, when my friends and I would pick up on any mention of a guy, no matter how fleeting or unimportant, and run with it, teasing and joking with each other. 

“One night, huh?” Kuina teased, as though she couldn’t help it.

I refrained from whacking her arm. “It definitely wasn’t like that.”

“Okayyy,” she said, but her tone revealed that she didn’t believe me. 

I laughed it off, letting her think whatever she wanted. It was nice to go back to an easy topic like that, as if our biggest problems were guys and not our impending deaths. It made it even easier to indulge in the delusion that this was the old Tokyo and that we were just friends hanging out, drinking and not worrying about tomorrow. When we rejoined the others, we didn’t take the topic of conversation with us but we did take the lighthearted mood that had developed near the end. I let myself crack open another beer and join them in the debauchery. I let myself forget all the hardships of this world, just for the night. After all, what else could I do?

Chapter Text

The night was getting on but the others didn’t seem to notice. I didn’t either, at first. But one lapse in conversation and I found my focus drifting, my eyes drawn to the window. Not the window itself, but what was beyond it. The starry sky beckoned. And I- in a slightly drunk haze- was quick to follow. I grabbed my usual blanket and binoculars, my hands almost feeling as if they weren’t my own, and went towards the glass. 

The others were still chatting and laughing rowdily as I unlatched the window. My body slipped out before my brain could catch up, as if my mind was lagging behind. As if I was swimming through treacle. It was a sensation I hadn’t felt in a long time that made everything heightened. It was a dual edged sword; if you were happy it enhanced that joyous feeling, but if you were upset or struggling with things then it was easy to sink into that as well.

Currently, I was a mixture of emotions but the guests in my house made it easy to slip into a jovial mood and stay there. I cursed the vines under my breath in a jokey manner, cursed the way they hindered my escape into the great outdoors. But when I suddenly stumbled, my foot hitting air instead of the window ledge, I was all the more glad for them. Glad that there was something for me to grab onto, lest I tumble right over the edge.

I stayed silent as I made the rest of my shaky ascent, trying to focus even though the world around me seemed to pulse. It was only when I flopped onto the flat roof, my binoculars skidding along the surface, that I let out a sigh of relief. Then I began to laugh to myself. What a weird situation I found myself in- laying half drunk on a roof in the middle of night, my house that wasn’t really mine inhabited by complete strangers. And even weirder still that, given the nature of this world, this was possibly the closest thing to normal I had experienced in a long time. 

Lazily, I turned over and tried to ignore the way my stomach rolled with nausea. Laying down after drinking so much made it feel like the whole world was spinning but I had come up here to see the stars, and so the stars were what I would see. It was like a kaleidoscope, the view changing every time I blinked (which had everything to do with the beer and nothing to do with the actual stars, I was sure) and I imagined a thousand different ways I would love to paint them if I ever made it back to the old Tokyo, a thousand different compositions. 

I spent an uncountable amount of time just stargazing, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. And when sleep crept up on me, I let it take me without a fight. 

*

Everything hurt. I groaned even before I opened my eyes, feeling as though someone had taken a sledgehammer to my entire body. Is this what dying feels like? I thought to myself dramatically. Then the events of the night before resurfaced: the beers, the laughing and joking, me climbing out the window and- Christ- almost falling to my death. Maybe that was a little dramatic. Falling from this height would definitely constitute a trip to the emergency room though, which would then, in turn, spell my death given there wouldn’t be any doctors present to patch me up. 

Searching through my memories showed that there wasn’t a lot after that little slip at the window, but from the ache in my body it was apparent that I hadn’t made it to a bed last night, or even a chair. 

I peeked one eye open and was met by the blazing sun. Oh my god , I thought. How long had I been on the roof? It seemed like it wasn’t quite midday, but the position of the sun told me it was well into the day regardless. That scared me slightly. Usually I was awake at the crack of dawn, the first rays of sun on the horizon acting as my alarm clock. To think that even that hadn’t been enough to rouse me this morning proved how knocked out I had been. The roof felt like a safe haven- and it was safe from people on the street level, as long as you stayed low- but if the King of Spades ever chose to snipe from one of the nearby high rises then I’d be in trouble. Thankfully, he hadn’t decided that last night was the night, or I wouldn’t be here now feeling the full effects of what sleeping on a flat roof does to your body. 

For a moment, I wasn’t sure if I was hungover. Given that I had spent two nights in a row sleeping in undesirable locations, it was easy to put my body aches down to that. However when I tried to sit up, the answer was all too obvious. I groaned, my head in my hands, feeling hot but also a little shivery. The light was too much, even the sounds of the breeze in the foliage was too much. 

I froze. The sound of rustling leaves was all I could hear other than my own mumbled complaints. There were no sounds from the surrounding streets despite it being well into the day and I couldn’t fathom it. It was as if the world had gone on pause. I finally looked up from my hands again and looked out, as far as I could see without my binoculars. The King of Spades blimp in the distance, moving steadily through the streets, brought me crashing back down to earth, that singular moment of tranquillity ruined. Life was still going on, even if nothing was currently happening around here. I supposed that had something to do with the fact both of the nearby games had been completed yesterday. Any others left to complete had to be far away, which left this area looking and sounding like a ghost town. 

Suddenly remembering my guests, I strained to hear if there were any sounds from the apartment, but even that turned up nothing. There was a high possibility they were still asleep given the revelry we had partaken in last night, but I still thought it would be best to head back inside, even if it was to just see what supplies could be whipped up into an edible breakfast for everyone. 

I scooped up the blanket that was piled beside me on the rooftop, as well as stretching for the binoculars. But before I headed inside, I decided to do my usual sweep of the area. The noise levels suggested everything was as it should be but I had to be sure. It had become second nature to always be on the lookout for danger. 

My first glance brought up nothing but empty streets. A couple bits of litter caught by the breeze drew my attention simply because they were moving, but there was nothing else of interest to see. Until there was. 

I did a double take, blinked, my hands frozen around the binoculars. I looked away and looked back again, untrusting of my eyes. I was hungover, the night before coated in a strange haze- maybe I was making this all up, just seeing what I wanted to see. Or maybe I hadn’t actually woken up yet and this was all an alcohol-infused dream. But the pounding in my head and the tangible pain running through my body was enough to tell me I was awake. So a mirage then. This had to be some sort of delusion I had made myself believe. 

But whether this was real or not, the sight of Chishiya turning the corner and making his way down the street towards me was one that made my heart race. After saying he wouldn’t come back, there he was, as casual as ever with his hands in his pockets, walking at a leisurely pace. He was so relaxed, completely unaware of the turmoil he’d thrown me into.

Before I knew it I was grabbing my belongings and climbing back down to the apartment window. I practically chucked myself in, forgetting that the others might still be sleeping. Luckily, they were all up, if looking a bit peaky. Arisu especially looked a bit green. 

“Oh my god,” Kuina exclaimed, “There you are!” 

Only she was up and about, standing at the kitchenette as if to fix something to eat, while the others still lounged, looking as bad as I felt. She appeared normal, if maybe a little tired, and the concern was clear on her face as I stood there for a moment, unsure what to say. How could I explain that someone I knew was walking down the street at this very moment, someone who I had previously referred to as my friend but would probably dispute it if he ever heard me call him that? How could I explain that we didn’t really know each other but he was already someone I thought about far too much? How could I explain to everyone in my apartment right now that he would probably act as though he didn’t like me but that was completely normal for him? 

I settled for a very unconvincing, “Everything’s fine,” and then quickly headed downstairs, racing to get the door unlocked and opened. I could explain after. Maybe by then I would’ve thought of something, some sort of explanation that actually made sense. 

“Huh?” Kuina called from behind me, and I was vaguely aware of her following me downstairs. 

I crossed the hardware store in an instant, almost jogging now, and pulled all the items out the way that I had put there the day before. Then I was out on the street, foliage crunching beneath my feet. And there was Chishiya. 

He didn’t stop his strolling, didn’t pick up the pace or slow down. He just raised his hand as a greeting, his lips curving into a lazy smile. 

I couldn’t help it then, I grinned. And before I knew what I was doing I was running towards him, flinging my arms around him so hard that I heard him go “oof,” and then laugh to himself. 

“That’s some greeting,” he muttered in my ear, amused. And it wasn’t until he patted me on the back- the sensation of him touching me instead of the other way around- that I snapped back to reality, pulling away. My traitorous face heated up in an instant as I looked him over. This close, his eyes were even prettier than usual, even if the dark marks under them revealed how tired he was. Had he stayed up all night or had he found a safe place to stay? It didn’t really matter, of course, in the grand scheme of things. He was here now, by choice, and that meant more to me than I would care to admit. 

“You’re alive,” I pointed out dumbly, feeling a little breathless. 

He chuckled slightly. “Did you really think I would lose to the King of Diamonds?” But despite his confidence, there was something underlying that made me wonder if it was a front. Had he come closer to death that he was letting on or was he just tired? Was I just reading into things too much?

I was about to press for more details when a shout came from behind us, the words startling me more than the volume. 

“Chishiya?”

I spun around and was surprised to see Kuina standing in the doorway of the hardware store, looking utterly confused. My immediate response was to try and explain, to introduce her to Chishiya and attempt to put into words how we knew each other. But then it clicked- she had called him by name. By some turn of events they knew each other. 

“Well,” said Chishiya, “This is unexpected.” 

Tell me about it , I thought. But I had to ask. I had to make sure. “You guys know each other?”

Kuina swiftly made her way over, smiling from ear to ear. “Unfortunately,” she joked. Then she turned her attention back to the smirking blond before us. “Glad to see you’re still alive and kicking.”

“Did you expect anything less?” was his cocky reply. 

She just rolled her eyes. “Since we’re all hugging,” Kuina said, moving to greet Chishiya in the same way I had, albeit at a less ferocious pace. But he shifted out of the way before she could, fixing her with a look that told her she’d regret it if she tried again.

“We’re not,” he said firmly. “I was caught off guard.” But when I glanced at him, I could tell his annoyance wasn’t entirely real. Humour danced in his eyes too.

Kuina huffed. “Well then, I see how it is. The others are here too, by the way. So we’d better let them know that not only are you not dead, you’re still as insufferable as ever.” Now that made Chishiya laugh.

We headed back inside, my head swirling with thoughts the entire time. Chishiya was back and somehow knew the other people I had harboured in my apartment. What were the chances of that- of becoming some sort of beacon for these people to find each other again? I glanced at Chishiya, only to find him already looking my way as we both followed behind Kuina. It wasn’t that I had anything to say, I was just marvelling at this turn of events. And, as always, he was pretty to look at. 

We got inside and I ushered Chishiya into the apartment to surprise his other, unsuspecting allies who were waiting upstairs. Kuina and I were sorting out the usual safety procedures when, just before the awaiting staircase, she turned to me. 

“Isn’t it crazy,” she said, a twinkle in her eye, “that we were talking about the same person?”

Of course . Yesterday, when she revealed that they had lost two of their friends (in two very different senses)… that person they had been separated from had been Chishiya. Of all the people in this cursed world, it had been Chishiya. All of a sudden I scrambled to remember what I had said about him- unknowing that Kuina knew him- but found that the words wouldn’t come back to me. God, I hoped I hadn’t said anything strange . Just knowing that Kuina was now replaying my words, applying them to the man she clearly seemed to know well… just the thought brought a flush to my face. And when I looked back at her she had the audacity to be smiling at me, a knowing look in her eye. 

I pretended to ignore it even though I knew my face was giving me away, and stepped past her into the narrow stairwell. At least she had the decency to not say anything further- not that she had to, after her eyes had implied all that was necessary- but I did hear the sharp exhale of breath as she laughed to herself quietly. We ascended in silence, and I braced myself for the stories I would now hear and, in turn, have to share as I pieced together this grand picture of Chishiya and his (and I suppose now my ) allies.

Chapter Text

I missed Arisu, Usagi and Ann’s initial shock at seeing Chishiya but when I reached the apartment I could tell they were pleased to see him simply by the way they were all firing questions at him. As usual, he was elusive, giving short or cocky answers that didn’t reveal too much. But I liked to think he was pleased to see them too, even if he didn’t give anything away. 

Arisu had forgone the grogginess and perked up entirely at the prospect of getting more information about games, and was grilling Chishiya for as many details as possible. To me, it seemed like he was being purposefully unhelpful- which I supposed was Chishiya all over- and I laughed to myself as I stepped into the kitchen area. Either I could sit and listen to everyone talk or I could prepare breakfast, listening all the while. It was a no brainer to me, wanting to feel helpful while also not getting in the way. The apartment was feeling even more crowded by the minute. 

Everyone caught up and then dissolved into silence as we all ate. It was a meagre meal, made up of just about the end of our supplies, but no one complained. I, for one, quite enjoyed the dry crackers I snacked on, feeling as though anything more flavourful would set off my nausea once more. Chishiya returning had seemingly sobered up the others though, even Arisu who ate like a man starved despite looking so green earlier. 

After the meal, I looked at the empty cupboards, a dull feeling of dread setting in. We had the odd thing left but since there were so many of us here now, they wouldn’t last long. Actually, they would probably barely last until the end of the day, even if we rationed. 

“We need more supplies,” I told the group. It was a prospect I hadn’t really considered given the amount my friends and I had stockpiled. But now the empty shelves taunted me. If we were all to stay here another night, we would need to go out scavenging. 

“And more beers,” Kuina added, gesturing to the empty boxes. My stomach rolled at just the prospect of drinking again tonight. “We have to celebrate being reunited with our favourite blond.”

“I don’t even drink beer,” Chishiya said flatly. 

“You will tonight,” Kuina fired back. 

“If we can even find some,” I said. When my friends had found it it had been like hitting the jackpot. In a world like this where death and despair was hiding around every corner, it made sense that alcohol was in high demand. And anyway, food was the main thing we were looking for. Our priority had to be avoiding starving to death, not just planning a party.

“Where did you go to get things last time?” Usagi asked me.

“Yeah,” Arisu added, “because last time we went to a convenience store there was only the strange flavours of ramen left.”

“We went to some shops all over, just collecting as we went,” I said, thinking back. I tried to focus on where we had been, the things we had got, instead of who I had been with. “But we also went to restaurants and raided their kitchens. That’s where we got the beers. But it’s been a long time… there might not be anything left.”

“We should go soon,” Ann said. “There’s no point just sitting around when it’s food on the line.”

“And beer!” Kuina called out.

Chishiya gave her a withering look. “Have you become an alcoholic or something?”

Kuina gave him a look right back. “Is it so bad to want something fun right now? And besides, before last night I hadn’t drank since The Beach.”

“And you probably drank enough there to last a lifetime.”

Kuina made an exasperated noise but Ann came to her defence. “Everyone drank a lot there. There was nothing else to do.”

“Don’t be jealous you never let your hair down, Chishiya,” Kuina said, giving him a pointed stare. He just looked away, breaking out into a feline smile. 

“There’s always time,” Arisu added with a shrug. 

I turned back to the kitchen and began to take stock of the small amount of supplies we had left, letting the others brainstorm what things they were hoping to find. It was a futile conversation; we would take whatever we could get. But it was nice to imagine, to reminisce about the small things we took for granted in the old Tokyo, like having countless meals to choose from. When Kuina brought me the shopping list, I snorted in amusement, mostly because she had written A sense of humour for Chishiya in bold letters at the bottom. 

“I can’t imagine him at The Beach,” I said quietly, mostly just thinking out loud. Of course, I hadn’t been there myself. But from what I had heard, of all the revelry and partying, I just couldn’t picture him there amongst it all. 

She laughed. “He was exactly as you would expect- as completely pigheaded as he is now.” Then she thought for a moment, getting a bit of a gleam in her eye. When she looked back, her smirk almost rivalled Chishiya’s. “Except… he used to wear eyeliner.” 

I blinked. That was definitely something unexpected. “Eyeliner?”

“Yep, and he suited it too.”

“Huh,” I said, slightly at a loss for words. 

I couldn’t imagine him standing before a mirror, painstakingly drawing on eyeliner. It was a real skill to have. Even though my hands were usually steady, I could never get eyeliner to look the same on both eyes so it was a step I generally skipped in my old makeup routine. But the more I thought about it, the more I found myself believing Kuina- he probably did suit it. He was good looking enough as he was but with eyeliner… 

“Food for thought, huh?” Kuina said.

“Well now I want to see,” I admitted. I glanced at Chishiya, trying to picture it. “I feel like it would be pretty.”

Kuina nodded, “Oh it is, one hundred percent.” 

A thought popped into my head unbidden, something I hadn’t even considered until right now. Kuina and Chishiya were clearly friends, but as she stood there talking about him it made me wonder for just a moment if I had missed something critical.

“Are you and Chishiya-”

“Noooooo,” Kuina cut me off instantly, loud enough that the others glanced over, wondering what was going on. She waited until they were distracted, talking to each other again, to say quietly, “He’s all yours. I’m just being a wingwoman.”

I immediately went to deny it, to say that she had read things wrong, but the knowing look in her eye said it all- there was no use, she could read me like a book. However, then I realised the second part of what she had said, and looked at her confused. 

“A wingwoman?” I said, “For me or…” for Chishiya. The thought was completely absurd to the point that I had to cut myself off before I said it out loud and made a fool of myself. Her being a wingwoman for me was a bit random since we hadn’t known each other for long, but it made more sense than her being one for Chishiya. It was clear- at least to Kuina- how I felt, so maybe she saw that and wanted to be involved. But if I was wrong and she was being a wingwoman for Chishiya… just the thought made my heart race. There was no way, and yet… 

Kuina’s face gave away nothing. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she said teasingly, topping it off with a wink. 

I would indeed, I thought.

*

We all got ready to go. The King of Spades was still nowhere near us and the streets still appeared as empty as the kitchen cupboards, so now seemed as good a time as any. Originally, we had talked about just a couple of us going, but if we did get lucky and found a stockpile, we wanted as many hands on deck to bring it all back with us. Who knew how long this fight against the remaining face cards- especially the King of Spades- would take? 

Before we left, however, I wanted to look for something. I checked just about everywhere I could think of before finally going into the bathroom and looking in the cabinet in there, which was where I found my friend’s old makeup bag. She had had a bag with her when she came to this world, and while she had ditched that long before I met her, she had kept the little makeup bag from inside it that she used to store her essentials. Despite everything that had been going on she had still loved her makeup, still deemed it a necessity. And now it was in the cabinet and she would never use it again. I hadn’t even thought about it until Kuina brought up eyeliner, and that was the exact thing I was looking for.

“What’re you doing?” 

I startled, surprised to see Chishiya in the doorway, hands in his pockets as usual. He was looking at the small pink bag in my hands and frowning slightly, as if he couldn’t understand what could be in there that was holding us up. I quickly perused the bag's contents- no eyeliner. 

“Nothing,” I said, zipping it back up and putting it back where it came from. 

“Everyone’s waiting,” he said. 

I nodded, wanting to tell him that I knew that already. But I bit my tongue. It was the first time we had spoken since my conversation with Kuina and I found myself not wanting to look in his direction for fear of what he would see. If Kuina had read me so clearly I dreaded to think what he might learn from my expressions. But even as I stepped up to him, trying to leave the bathroom and join the others, he didn’t move. He just stared, as if he knew I was avoiding those feline eyes and wouldn’t yield his position in the doorway until I looked at him properly. 

I had to pause so I wouldn’t walk straight into him, but even then I was surprised he had let me get so close. “Let’s go, then,” I said, feeling a little confused. 

Chishiya looked as though he wanted to say something, as if the words were on the tip of his tongue. But then, without a word, he nodded and stepped out, leaving me to follow behind him all the more baffled by his behaviour.

*

As a group, we stayed quiet as we moved through the streets. They were clear apart from the ever growing mass of foliage and greenery that seemed to multiply at an alarming speed, but we were still cautious. The first couple of shops we found had been completely ransacked but we kept going. There wasn’t the option of going back to the apartment empty handed. 

Eventually, we made it to a small store that still had things on the shelves and we all picked through the items, putting them straight into bags from behind the counter. This wasn’t the first time I had done this, of course, but it still felt bizarre to just let yourself behind the desk and help yourself to anything you wanted. As expected, things like cigarettes were completely cleared out. It seemed that the stresses of this world had just made people's addictions and reliance on those sorts of things worse. That, or people cared less about their lives, knowing that they could go into a game tomorrow and not come out. In that sense, I understood- what was the point in trying to preserve your longevity of life when your life was put on the line every day? No wonder The Beach had done so well.

With alcohol on my mind, I delved deeper into the store, picking up some packaged foods as I went. I found Kuina and Ann already in the right aisle, facing near empty shelves. I had hoped we might find more water as although we still had some, it was always good to have more. However, the only things on the shelves were some questionable-looking drinks, all with names I’d never heard of. 

“It’s not the best,” said Ann, picking up a brand of wine I didn’t recognise. “Which is probably why no one’s taken it.”

“It’s better than nothing,” Kuina said, putting the bottles into her bag. “At least we can have another celebration tonight.”

“Wine’s better than beer anyway,” I added, joining them. 

Kuina eyed the label on one of the bottles. “I’m not sure you’ll be saying that after this. The design looks like it was drawn on microsoft paint.”

All of us stocked up, taking as many non-perishable items as we could. It would’ve been nice to have some fresh food but ever since we came to this world, things had seemed to go bad way quicker than usual. Even now, the fresh produce section was a rotting mess, swarming with flies. I never thought I’d miss eating vegetables but I supposed there was a first time for everything. 

We were just finishing up when I remembered the other thing- the completely unimportant thing- that I had come here to try and find. I backtracked through the aisles, making my way to where the toiletries were. I had already stocked up on soap and shower gel and the like, but now I was checking for something different. 

“Izumi!” I heard Usagi shout. “Are you ready to go?”

“Two seconds!” I called back, my eyes scanning the barren shelves. 

Then, right at the end of the aisle there was a colourful display that caught my eye. And sure enough, sitting besides the small selection of mascaras and lip products were some pencil eyeliners- exactly what I was looking for. I grabbed a couple and then jogged back over to where the others were waiting, feeling stupidly excited for something so small and inconsequential.

*

The rest of the day was spent plotting. Despite the relaxed demeanour that everyone seemed to have adopted- especially with the drinks we had secured for later tonight- there was still a sense of urgency when it came to completing the last few games. And it really was getting to the last few now. Arisu had set up an impromptu map of the city using random objects as place markers, to show us exactly which games were left. And something I was coming to learn about Arisu was that he always had a plan or was in the process of coming up with one. He had the brain for it. Between him and Chishiya’s intelligence, we might just make it to the end in one piece , I thought to myself as I listened to them going back and forth, the others jumping in with suggestions here and there as well. 

The elephant in the room that we had all mostly been avoiding discussing was the King of Spades, who was still reigning supreme on the streets. It was a morbid thought but I was surprised there were still people left for him to mow down. It truly showed how many people had been able to pass stage one. It was miraculous, really. But now our options were running out. Upon further inspection of the city’s skyline, it seemed like the other remaining games had been completed. Which left us with only the King of Spades and the Queen of Hearts to choose from. After experiencing the Jack of Hearts game, I was hesitant to go anywhere near the game that was considered a step up from that one. But when the only other option was the King of Spades… 

Basically, the situation was dire. So as soon as the clock crept into the late afternoon, everyone was eager to forget it all again and crack open the cheap wine we had pilfered earlier on. We decided we would come back to the topic of the games tomorrow. We would have one more fun night and then we would get to work and try and finish this once and for all. 

The previous owner of the apartment had clearly not been the entertaining sort. That, or they hadn’t drank wine, because upon searching the cupboards, Kuina and I discovered that there were only two wine glasses. We ended up just picking random glasses and began to pour a drink for everyone. However, when she got to the last one I stopped her, reaching back into the cupboard and pulling out something that made both of us snicker. 

I handed the glasses out, choosing to give the wine glasses to Ann and Usagi, and then tried to keep a straight face as I put Chishiya’s down in front of him. He stared at the egg cup of wine with disdain.

“I heard you weren’t a big drinker,” I said. Behind me, Kuina descended into a fit of cackles. 

Chishiya stared me down as he drank the wine in one slow gulp, and when he set the porcelain back down again his lips were stained blood red. A single bead of it remained nestled in the dip of his lower lip and I had to tear my eyes away. It had been nothing (he had been drinking wine from a tiny egg cup for Christ's sake) but I felt my skin prickle with heat. Was he completely unaware of the effect he had on me or was he doing all of this, acting the way he did, on purpose? 

Kuina came barrelling over with her own glass of wine, as well as a fresh, full sized one for Chishiya, and the moment was broken. I raised my own to my lips and drank deeply despite the bitterness, just to take my mind off things. 

“Now, let’s get this show on the road!” Kuina declared, and there was nothing else to do but go with it.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t quite the same vibe as parties would’ve been in the old Tokyo (the lack of music being the main defining factor) but at Kuina’s word, and as we all began to get through our first couple of glasses of wine, we put aside all talk of the remaining games and the atmosphere immediately felt lighter. Things felt more relaxed and the conversation began to flow, pointless topics being picked up from nowhere and rolled with effortlessly. 

But as usual, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Chishiya. Every time I would look away from my glass or the coffee table in front of me, my gaze would be immediately drawn to him before I could stop myself. It was completely pathetic behaviour and the wine didn’t help. If anything it seemed that alcohol made me even more of a simp, and even worse at hiding it. 

In the end it got so bad that I had to make it into a game for myself- every time I caught myself looking I would take a sip of my wine, using the bitter taste as a form of punishment. That was a mistake, given the fact that Chishiya was sitting opposite me, and I found myself very tipsy very quickly. But even with the self-inflicted punishment looming, I still couldn’t tear my gaze away from those eyes. Those pretty eyes. It was completely obscene that someone could be born just looking like that. And now that Kuina had put it into my head that he used to wear eyeliner, I couldn’t stop imagining it. The dark brown pencil I had taken from the store felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket, demanding my attention. 

Suddenly, I felt a jab in my side and tore my eyes away from Chishiya for long enough to notice that Kuina was trying to get my attention from beside me. I was momentarily confused as she leaned towards me but then she was speaking directly into my ear, a mixture of wanting me to hear her over the chatter of the others while not wanting them to overhear what she was saying.

Her first sentence came out as a mumble, an incoherent string of syllables that my tipsy brain struggled to make sense of. 

“Huh?” I said, far louder than intended.

Kuina tried again. “You do realise you’re staring, right?” 

I pulled away, fully intending to deny it but when I saw her expression I knew there was no point in even trying. Instead, I just laughed to myself, the alcohol making everything multitudes more funny. I leant forward, about to tell her that I couldn’t help it, when the eyeliner in my pocket poked me, conveniently reminding me of its existence. All of a sudden, that was way more important to me than whatever nonsense I was about to say. I slid it out of my pocket under the table and showed Kuina, who smirked and nodded vigorously as if I had somehow, in showing her that, asked her a question. It simultaneously did and didn’t make sense. She clinked our glasses together in a silent toast and then effortlessly rejoined the conversation around us, although I noticed her paying more attention to my glass, refilling it practically after every sip I took. I took her actions as her approving of what I had found, her topping up my glass as if she was saying I needed the liquid confidence. Given how much my head was spinning already, I wanted to tell her I didn’t need it but I soon got swept away by a particularly rowdy conversation about biscuits that I couldn’t ignore. 

A bit later (it could’ve been minutes or hours) Kuina finished guffawing in response to a joke I didn’t really understand and then began to speak into my ear again.

“You know,” she said at full volume when really she should’ve been whispering, “he’s watching you too.” And sure enough, when I looked up, Chishiya and I locked eyes. It wasn’t the first time that evening but it felt the most prominent, the most intense, and I had to look away back into my glass of wine, which I gladly used as a distraction, especially as I felt my face heat. 

“Don’t worry,” came Kuina’s voice again, “I’ve got this.” What she had, exactly, I had no idea but I was filled with a dull sense of panic as she shot up, swaying on her feet, and announced, “Izumi, you need to help me look for something.”

I frowned, having no idea what this aforementioned something was, but then she was hauling me to my feet and it was all I could do to stop my wine from spilling all over the floor. “Kuina,” I hissed, as she pulled me along with her. But she wasn’t in the mood to stop or explain and so she didn’t. The others barely batted an eyelid at her sudden declaration. Arisu and Usagi were debating the logistics of some TV show I had never heard of, Ann throwing in her opinion every so often, but I noticed that Chishiya was silent. He had been quiet this evening which was completely normal for him, but he had been a bit more chatty since the wine had come out. Only now, with my back to the others, I noticed he had fallen silent. I felt a faint prickle on my neck and wondered if he was looking over at me, standing awkwardly beside Kuina and wondering what was going on, but I pushed that idea away. Even with the wine in my system, that felt too self-centred of a thought to be having. 

Kuina had tugged me over to the array of cupboards that were all bursting at the seams and had been picked through multiple times already for useful items. This was where my friends and I had stuffed the majority of the things that had belonged to the previous owner of the apartment- the personal belongings that meant nothing to us but possibly everything to him that we couldn’t bear to throw out. And really, where would we even dispose of it? Now, Kuina was opening cupboards and drawers, picking things out at random and then putting them right back where she had got them. She reminded me of a robot play-acting as a human and I started to laugh.

“At least help,” she said.

I just laughed harder. “Help with what?” I asked when I caught my breath.

“At least pretend to be looking for something.”

“What’s going on?” I said, confused. If she was scheming and wanted me to go along with it then she should’ve at least told me what she was trying to get out of this situation. I just stood beside her as she poked this, holding my glass of wine like a lifeline. 

Then Kuina sighed dramatically and, with no amount of realism whatsoever, announced, “I can’t find it. Maybe I need to look downstairs. And maybe Ann needs to come with me.” 

Then she grabbed Ann’s wrist and tugged her up from her seated position on a cushion on the floor. Ann just laughed but went along with it, clearly more well trained when it came to following Kuina’s silent instructions, and she waited patiently as Kuina bent down and whispered something in Usagi’s ear before leading the way out of the apartment. I watched the door swing shut behind the two girls, still completely out of the loop, and then decided to stand by the window, leaning on the back of the sofa instead of going back to the coffee table, simply because I knew I would want to ask what was going on and, deep under the drunk haze I found myself in, I knew that wasn’t what I should be doing. 

I gazed out through the foliage, surprised by the amount of moonlight that was filtering through. It was a clear night, not a cloud in the sky, and yet the thing I was mostly focused on was the fact I didn’t recall night ever falling. It was then that I noticed just how dark it had got both inside and out, the only light being from a small solar-powered lantern that had been set up on the table and from the moon itself. The stars were pretty as always and I found myself wanting to go up on the roof again, even as a voice in my head told me not to- told me to have a night sleeping in a proper location instead of the hard roof. My body would thank me but still, as I leant on the back of the sofa and looked out, it became harder and harder to deny the urge to satisfy what I wanted to do right now instead of what would benefit me tomorrow. 

I only noticed that Chishiya had joined me from the dip in the sofa cushion. I glanced to the side to see him in a similar position to me, leaning on the back and looking out at the stars that winked through the lattice of vines and leaves on the other side of the glass. His glass of wine was perilously full as if he had just topped it up before coming over but he didn’t make any move to drink from it. He barely moved at all. 

Finally, he turned his head and our eyes met, and I smiled before I could stop myself. I was vaguely aware of the apartment door opening and closing and the deafening silence that came afterwards, and when I eventually tore my eyes away from Chishiya’s and glanced over my shoulder I found the apartment empty save for us. 

Kuina and her scheming… I wanted to laugh. When I turned back, Chishiya was still watching me carefully. If he worked out what the others had done he didn’t show any indication, nor did he seem to care. 

“Are you okay?” I asked him. Then, finding my mouth dry, I sipped on my wine once more. The bitter taste had improved. That, or my taste buds had just been numbed. 

Chishiya laughed to himself softly, turning back to the window and sipping on his wine as well. I tried not to watch as his slim throat bobbed, pale in the moonlight. Tried… and failed. “This is a weird night,” he said quietly.

“This is a weird life.” 

Chishiya hummed vaguely in a way that made me think he agreed but didn't say anything, so I continued.

“I didn’t think you were a wine drinker.”

He sipped again. “I’m not.”

I started to laugh even though there was a chance he wasn’t joking, that his poker face was truly so good to be hiding a grimace with every ounce of wine he consumed. Then again, I seemed to remember his glass being drained and refilled multiple times, so maybe he was just joking around. Either way, it was amusing to me.

And maybe that was the poor excuse of an icebreaker that finally dulled my nerves enough to reach into my pocket- or maybe I was just sick of it jabbing me in the side- but I finally decided to bring up what had been on my mind all day. 

“Kuina told me you used to wear eyeliner,” I said, hoping it didn’t sound too out of the blue. “Back at The Beach, I mean.”

Chishiya gave a faint laugh, nothing more than an exhalation of air. “Okay,” he said, then went back to sipping his wine. I narrowed my eyes at him, wanting him to confirm or deny, but he purposely wouldn’t look back at me. So I got out the pencil. 

That caught his attention. 

“Surprise!” I exclaimed before I could stop myself. 

Chishiya took the pencil from me and turned it over in his hands before raising his eyebrows. “I take it you want me to put this on?”

“Yes please.” It was embarrassing how excited I was at the prospect. I tried to hide my grin by moving my drink back up to my lips but I had a suspicion that it was too late, that he had seen how happy it made me that he had even considered satisfying this curiosity of mine. 

He spun the pencil between deft fingers before declaring he needed a mirror. I gave him a weird look. 

“The… bathroom?”

“Which is now completely dark,” Chishiya pointed out. “Do you have a compact?”

I hummed to myself, thinking, but I had only just looked through my friend's old makeup bag earlier in the day, and I couldn’t recall seeing one. “I don’t think so,” I said. 

He downed the remaining wine in his cup and then set the empty glass on the windowsill. When he looked back at me, there was a glint in his eye that hadn’t been there before. “Maybe you’ll have to help me, then,” he said. Then, like an afterthought or maybe just as clarification, he added, “Since there’s no mirror.” 

In the face of an obstacle like this- the lack of light and everything else- I expected him to refuse the makeup or at least say he’d do it tomorrow, in the daylight. What I hadn’t expected was for him to give me permission to do it for him. I hadn’t expected he’d be happy to have me that close at all. 

If I’d been sober I would’ve been nervous out of my mind, maybe even laughed off his suggestion like he was telling a joke. But alcohol and sitting in this empty apartment in the half light made it easy to be confident. I drained my glass as well, setting it next to Chishiya’s, before grabbing our solar powered lantern off of the coffee table. It was a job and a half to try and get it to perch in a way that was useful to me, shining enough light where I needed it without it teetering precariously over the edge. If we broke this, we were screwed considering how much we relied on it once day faded into night. Plus, I couldn’t be sure we’d be efficient enough at clearing up broken glass in our current states. Even with me being the way I was, I still had enough sense left to know that would be a disaster. 

“I think it’s fine,” Chishiya said flatly, watching as I messed with the lantern again, poking it until it sat in the exact spot I wanted it to. 

Then there was nothing left to do but face him again. He held the eyeliner pencil out to me between slender fingers, his eyes never leaving mine, and I took it gently before settling back down on the back of the couch. However, I misjudged how close I was and I ended up bumping knees with Chishiya. He didn’t react so I didn’t either, didn’t shuffle away. I needed to be close to him anyway, to apply the makeup. That unspoken excuse hung in the air and seemed to be good enough for both of us. Or him, at least. I definitely didn’t need an excuse to want him close. 

“I just want to preface,” I said, holding my hands up as if in surrender, “that I’ve never been good at eyeliner and I’ve also never claimed to be good at eyeliner.”

Chishiya cracked an easy smile. “Is this your way of telling me you’re about to poke me in the eye?”

“I mean, I’ll try my best not to but… Just prepare yourself.”

Just before I leant in to begin applying it, Chishiya reached up and tucked his hair behind his ears- although a couple of the front pieces stubbornly wouldn’t stay where he wanted them to- and maybe it was a trick of the light or the alcohol or a mix of both, but I could’ve sworn his hands shook the slightest amount. Was he… nervous? Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up poking his eye out.

I bit back a giggle at the idea and finally leaned closer, resting my hand on his shoulder for balance. I just did it without thinking but when I felt him freeze beneath my touch, I did too.

“Is this okay?” I asked quietly. 

While he looked a little taken back, he nodded.Through the haze of the wine I clocked that he really was nervous and paused a moment longer to give him a chance to change his mind.

“So do you want me to close my eyes or are you just going to stare at me?” He said all of a sudden, sounding a little impatient.

“Wow, bossy,” I commented. I finally brought the pencil closer and his eyes fluttered shut. “Are you sure you want to have an attitude when I’ve got a potential weapon so close to you? Do you like these eyes?” I joked.

He smirked. “Clearly not as much as you do.” 

I felt myself flush but I couldn’t even begin to deny it. Chishiya peeked one eye open as if he was trying to gauge my reaction- or just bask in my embarrassment- but I slightly whacked him on the shoulder and demanded, “Eyes shut!”

He laughed to himself but then was still. I began my task. 

My hands shook slightly as I leaned closer, sweeping the pencil above his lash line- those lashes that were obscenely long. My other hand, which had been resting on his shoulder for leverage, came to rest on his jaw instead so I could turn his face slightly. I didn’t even realise I’d moved at all at first, given I was so concentrated. It was only when I felt the skin beneath my fingers heat that I paid any attention to what I had done. It was the best place for my hand though, especially since I was sort of struggling with the eyeliner.

I sat back slightly- still gently cupping Chishiya’s face- to survey my work. The best way I could describe it would be atrocious, but Chishiya still found a way to make my disaster look good.

“You would never think I was an art student,” I mused quietly, taking in the wobbly wing I had drawn on this poor man’s face. And I hadn’t even done the other side yet.

I leant in once again, moving his face gently with my other hand. I didn’t think he had heard what I’d said but after a while he said, “You’re an art student?”

I nodded before remembering he couldn’t see me. “Yep,” I said, “or at least, I was. Or maybe I still am, if we ever make it back to the old Tokyo.”

“I’m a doctor,” he admitted quietly. 

“Oh?” I wasn’t sure why it surprised me so much- maybe it was just the fact that he had openly volunteered a piece of personal information to me that threw me so off guard- but I made me go off balance from where I was perched carefully on the sofa back. I teetered the slightest bit, quickly moving the pencil from his eyelid before I drew a massive line across it, and Chishiya’s hand shot out to steady me, resting on my knee. 

I resumed without commenting, trying to concentrate on what I was doing instead of on the fact that he hadn’t moved his hand away again. My heart thundered in my chest, and I just hoped he didn’t start speaking again because I wouldn’t be able to hear him over it. 

I still hadn’t calmed my racing heart minutes later when I sat back slightly, surveying my work. Chishiya opened his eyes and that was the real kicker- for two reasons. First of all, I had made a complete mess of it. The wings were uneven and I hadn’t been close enough to the lash line in a couple places so it looked a little janky. I would’ve laughed if it hadn’t been for the other thing: the fact he still managed to look so damn pretty, even with my terrible makeup job. 

“Hold on,” I breathed, reaching for his cheek again under the guise of turning his head this way and that, trying to see if the- blatantly uneven- eyeliner was even. 

Chishiya stayed still, letting me do as I pleased while watching me carefully. It was because I was so close that I noticed the brief change in where his gaze was landing- not my eyes but lower. And that instantly made up my mind. 

Before I could overthink it and mentally talk myself out of it, I leaned closer and pressed my lips to his.

Chapter Text

Oh shit. 

Oh. 

Shit. 

For a moment I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I moved back, no more than a breath, before that hand on my knee tightened, telling me to stay. 

So I did. 

I brought my lips to his again and this time Chishiya pushed back. The kiss was soft, tentative, and as he brought a hand up to rest gently on my neck I was vaguely aware of his fingers trembling. He tasted of wine and it made me bolder, more confident as I remembered that drop of red that had nestled on his lip earlier, right in the place I now swiped at with my tongue. He drove the kiss deeper, suddenly seeming ravenous, his fingers skating up from my knee, along my thigh, each touch like a jolt of electricity. Then he nipped at my bottom lip, demanding more, and I gasped into his mouth, one hand slipping into his hair, the other gripping at his shirt in an effort to get closer, feel more-

A dull thud brought me back down to earth and we jerked away from each other, only to be met with a slightly different image than we’d had before. The lantern had fallen back onto the couch, distorting the light and throwing it around the room in a different way. That didn’t stop me from seeing the flush on Chishiya’s face though, the way those pretty eyes pierced mine. 

It was then that I realised I had no idea what happened next. What were you even meant to say after that? An apology- the only thing I could think of- was halfway to my lips before Chishiya spoke instead. 

“Your salon takes interesting payment methods.”

I laughed to myself quietly, the tension immediately broken. It had been the perfect thing to say to stop things from being awkward. That, matched with the small, signature smirk that was making its way onto his face, was almost enough to make this feel normal. As if I hadn’t just thrown normal to the wind. 

I reached for the lantern, holding it before me and looking at those truly awful eyeliner wings. “I’m not sure you’ll be so happy when you actually see what I’ve done to you.” 

He stayed still for a moment, processing what I’d said, and then he was up, stalking to the bathroom. I followed behind with the light, noticing how it completely lit up the tiny room. Neither of us commented on the fact Chishiya easily would’ve been able to put the eyeliner on himself if I stood here holding the lantern for him. 

He looked himself in the mirror and then met the eyes of my reflection. “This is abysmal,” he said flatly. Then the two of us began to laugh. 

Chishiya grabbed a water bottle and leant over the sink slightly, pouring the water into his hand and then moving to wash his face. 

“Wow,” I teased, “you’re going to ruin my masterpiece.”

He glanced up for long enough to give me an unimpressed look in the mirror, the makeup around his eyes smudged and running down his cheeks like dark tears, and then went back to cleaning his face. 

“I’d better grab the others,” I said, stepping out of the room. My heart needed the chance to slow down a bit, to calm down a bit before I did anything else stupid. I’d got away with that one kiss but there was no telling what would happen next. And I wasn’t sure how I would react if such a heart pounding moment was followed by a dismissal. I might not survive it. So I dismissed myself instead. 

The apartment door at the bottom of the stairs was closed but unlocked and I pushed through it. Instantly, I was met with the sound of hushed laughter- the type where you’re trying to hold it in, trying to stay quiet, but you just can’t. 

Ann, who was perched on the store counter, raised an eyebrow at me in greeting. I hopped up beside her, already feeling my face flush as I anticipated her questioning. But luckily for me, she just nodded towards the shop floor and said, “I’m refereeing.”

I was about to ask her what she meant when a blindfolded Kuina stumbled around the nearest line of shelves, arms out like a zombie. It was dark but if I squinted I could make out Usagi, crouching nearby, staying silently hidden. 

Kuina laughed under her breath again at seemingly nothing and then almost walked into an empty display. “Marco!” She whisper-shouted. Even that sounded loud amongst the silence of the night. 

I heard two Polo ’s- one nearby and the other a bit further off where Arisu was hiding- and then Kuina was off like a shot trying to find them. 

“So?” Ann said from beside me. When I glanced her way, she was still watching the others messing around but I felt her question as if she was staring directly at me. It made me wonder what Kuina had said to her and the others about why they were down here- whether they all knew why they were leaving Chishiya and I alone. Or maybe that was something that was obvious to everyone but me, something that went without saying.

I found myself laughing for no real reason at all; maybe the fact that my priority list had suddenly reordered itself without my notice, so that I found myself stressing about what came next with Chishiya instead of the death that lurked just beyond the door, in the light that would eventually peek over the horizon, marking a new day and a new set of dangers.

“So what?” I asked. The easiest thing was to feign ignorance, lest I reveal too much when there was no need. And anyway, if she really was talking about how things went up in the apartment, then I was sure that was written all over my face, ripe for the reading. 

“Are you going to join the game?” 

Oh. And that was why I hadn’t wanted to jump to conclusions about her question.

I watched the others running around, trying to keep their steps quiet and their voices quieter, their faces contorted with laughter as they tried not to laugh too loud. “I’m alright,” I replied, though it did look like they were having fun.

“Enough action for one night?” 

She met my eyes then, an amused look on her face while I stared back in vague shock, not expecting her to say that. Her switch up had my drunken brain struggling to keep up. Then I laughed. “Wowww,” I said, caught off guard by her teasing. Then we went back to watching the others, not saying another word about it. 

By the time the competitive trio was thoroughly tired out and over their game, I was almost asleep on Ann’s shoulder. That was something I always seemed to forget about alcohol- after the high wore off I was always taken over by an unshakable tiredness that only sleep could cure. But, luckily for me, that was exactly what we all planned to do next. We had had our fun but tomorrow would be back to business, and that required a full night's sleep. Or whatever was left of it, anyway. 

“Chishiya, you better have clothes on!” Kuina called into the apartment as we all ascended the stairs. That brought on a wave of snickers that only faded long after we were all inside, the door locked tight behind us. 

But Chishiya didn’t give a smart retort in response. He didn’t say anything at all. And it was only when I squinted into the darkness that I noticed he wasn’t in the apartment at all, and neither was the lamp. 

“What the hell?” Kuina exclaimed, her voice sounding too loud in the small space. I was close to agreeing with her. We had been downstairs in the hardware store, making it impossible for Chishiya to sneak past us without us knowing. And yet he was still gone. 

It took my drink-addled brain a couple of moments to put two and two together but when I looked towards the window and found it cracked open, everything became clear. 

“No funny business happened over here, right?” Kuina asked, gesturing to the bed. I tutted at her and she immediately face-planted into the covers, finding my answer sufficient enough to deem the area sleepable. 

Earlier, I wasn’t sure how the sleeping arrangements were going to work given there were so many of us now, but that was the furthest thing from my mind as I crept over to the window. There was no indication as to whether Chishiya would even want me to follow; there was a large chance that I was going to find myself retracing my steps in a matter of moments, tail between my legs. But I couldn’t stop myself. And the roof was my place anyway. It was the place I went often, even without the promise of Chishiya on the other side. And if he dismissed me or was acting aloof like usual, the roof was big enough for us to not be in each other's way. 

Without a word, I pushed the window open and climbed up onto the roof, gripping the vines tightly so I wouldn’t sway and almost fall like the night previous. The moonlight was bright above me, illuminating my route, but the lamp shone brighter still as I reached the flat of the roof, casting blue tinged light on a figure curled in on themselves, a dark shape covering their lower half. 

“Chishiya?” I whispered, my voice coming out sharp in the silence. The figure didn’t move. There was no mistaking it was him though, as his white hoodie practically glowed with the lantern shining onto it. 

I perched on the edge of the roof, momentarily frozen as I took in the scene. There was a moment when I let my drunken thoughts get the best of me, where I looked at Chishiya’s form laid out on the roof and thought the worst. Where I questioned whether I would’ve heard a gunshot from the hardware store even though I one hundred percent would have. And in that brief moment of lunacy, I shot across the roof and began frantically shaking his shoulder to see if he would wake. 

And of course he did. With a burning temper. 

“What the fuck?” He hissed, blinking at me bleary eyed. 

I internally asked myself the same thing. “Just checking you weren’t dead,” I said, feeling incredibly stupid. 

He stared at me through squinted eyes for a long moment, definitely deciding how idiotic I was, before laying back down. “You think a bit of wine would kill me?”

I opened my mouth to reply but found I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Of course he was asleep- it was nighttime for christ's sake. And he’d even brought the blanket off the couch, further cementing how stupid my panic was. There was no point even trying to defend myself and try and justify what I knew was unjustifiable. Instead, I switched lanes. “I’m surprised you’re not yelling at me to get off your roof and leave you alone.”

“Too tired to argue,” he muttered in response. Then he reached out and flicked the lamp off, leaving us with just the moon and stars to light up the night. 

I took that as my cue to stay- given that in the short time I’d known Chishiya I knew he’d never miss a chance for harsh words or a scathing remark if the situation allowed it, no matter how tired he was- and settled down for the night a short distance away. The night was surprisingly cool and I shivered as I pulled my hoodie tighter around me. It was when I shuddered slightly again that I felt something land on me, cosy and warm with body heat. I peeled my eyes open to see that Chishiya had chucked me the blanket, though when I looked through the darkness he already had his eyes closed again, feigning sleep. 

Pulling the blanket over me properly, I smiled to myself, closing my eyes tight. And I found that I didn’t even mind that this was my third night in a row sleeping on an uncomfortable roof in the midst of a deadly world. I was content all the same. 

Chapter Text

Only one thought went through my aching head as I woke to the sun’s first rays: I was really going to need to see a chiropractor if I ever made it back to the old Tokyo. I groaned as I sat up, kneading my shoulders to try and diminish some of the pain. It did next to nothing, nor did stretching and trying to arch my stiff back. Eventually I gave up and rose to my feet instead. The blanket I’d used the night before was still piled on the ground beside me where I must’ve kicked it off in my sleep, but everything else- Chishiya, the lamp- was gone. The day had started without me. 

At first I had assumed the pressure in my head was down to the same reasons as all the other pain in my body, but when I took a step the world seemed to dip and swirl around me. I stopped, stumbling, and clutched my head. 

“What the-“ I said out loud. But then it all came back to me. 

The wine, a jovial feeling in the air, more wine and then… 

I felt my face heat. Despite being on the roof alone, with no way of anyone reading my thoughts, I was still reluctant to think back and remember everything. Reluctant to indulge in the knowledge that I’d finally made a move and that it had been reciprocated. Though, as I thought about it through the pounding in my head, I remembered that Chishiya had been drunk too. Or at the very least tipsy. I wasn’t sure of his alcohol limits but I knew he had drunk something. Enough to kiss me back at least. So I couldn’t jump to conclusions. I couldn’t assume that this would mean anything other than a drunken mistake on his part. Actually, depending on how much alcohol he’d had, there was a chance he wouldn’t even remember it at all. I had to be prepared for that possibility too. 

I was in two minds as to whether I actually wanted to find out the answers to those questions but the world wouldn’t stop while I sat on the roof thinking about it. I got up, gathered myself and my thoughts and prepared for the worst- something I’d got quite used to doing in this Tokyo. And whatever happened, it couldn’t be worse than I’d experienced before. Nothing could feel worse than losing all my friends in one fell swoop- the very thing that propelled me into this situation in the first place. Events like that really put everything else into perspective.

With that in mind, I carefully made my way back into the apartment to discover that I wasn’t the only one having a slow morning. Kuina and Ann were sitting on the bed, propped up with cushions but ultimately slumped together, appearing as though they could fall asleep again at any given moment. Usagi was stood at the kitchen counter, laughing softly as Arisu fumbled around, dropping just about everything as he tried to fix some breakfast. It was the picture of domesticity and it was sweet, but the feeling it gave me was not- a yearning so strong it felt violent, a cavernous ache opening up in my chest. Please, I begged inside my head, let us all survive this.

I settled on the couch, just observing. I knew I should eat something, prepare for the game planning we’d be sure to be doing soon, but now I had sat down I was just too comfortable, too happy to be in this bubble of calm and normality despite knowing it would soon burst. But it was nice to pretend. It was nice to trick myself into thinking that Chishiya would walk in any moment with groceries or coffees for us all, that we’d all nurse our hangovers watching movies and resting, vowing to never drink again before doing it all again as soon as the sun went down. It was nice to imagine that in the halflight, when the credits began to roll, that Chishiya might be there beside me, fingers meeting under the blanket, a quick kiss dropped to the temple when no one was looking. A simpler life. Domesticity.

It was crazy how you yearned for the simplest of the things, the things so easily taken for granted, when those same things were stripped away. 

Chishiya emerged from the bathroom, breaking me from the spell of my thoughts. I stopped myself from holding my breath, expecting some big revelation or confirmation of my feelings, knowing that he would probably rather die than say anything I wanted to hear, or even acknowledge that anything had happened the night before. But then he flopped down on the sofa beside me, his head tipped back as he rested it on the cushioned back, and my traitorous heart jumped. He hadn’t even done anything but exist and that was enough to throw me. His cat eyes were closed, face tilted to the ceiling, exposing the pale column of his throat. As off guard as I think I had ever seen him while awake, and I couldn’t look away. 

I let my gaze travel over every plane of his pretty face, committing it to memory while I had the chance, before he opened his eyes again and caught me. Then I spotted something else- just a whisper of eyeliner at the corner of his eyes, expertly applied and making him even more enchanting than before. I didn’t know why I ever thought my heart stood a chance. 

I never stood a chance. 

“You’re staring,” Chishiya said softly, opening his eyes and lazily turning his head in my direction, still reclined, relaxed. The complete opposite of how I felt.

I felt myself flush under his careful scrutiny. But where I might’ve looked away or tried to deny what I’d been doing before, I found I couldn’t just make an excuse this time. I didn’t want to. Instead, I nodded. Just a little movement that said so much more- something more akin to a confession. 

Chishiya smirked slightly, amusement dancing in his eyes. And although he didn’t say anything else, didn’t bring up the night before, I understood then that he remembered. And from what his body language was giving away- a slip of his gaze to my lips and back, lighting fast, the bob of his Adam’s apple, a swift redness spreading over his throat- he hadn’t hated it. 

*

After we’d all eaten and somewhat come to our senses, Arisu called a meeting. 

“We shouldn’t drink tonight,” he said. Kuina booed. “I think we should figure out a plan today and then get it done tomorrow when we’re all well rested.” He paused, looking at me pointedly. “Maybe don’t sleep on the roof tonight.”

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I had another night on the roof in me anyway. I’d probably done years worth of damage to my back from the others alone. 

“What are we going for first?” Ann spoke up. Despite her clear tiredness, her lipstick was still immaculate, not a speak or smear out of place. 

“Queen of Hearts is a mystery,” said Usagi. “But it must be tough if no one’s completed it yet.”

“But then King of Spades is impossible without a weapon. He’ll just gun us all down,” Kuina complained. “God, this is just so hard.”

“So we wait for a distraction,” Chishiya said calmly. “Kill him while he’s killing someone else.” 

I felt sick at the prospect despite realising that it might be one of the only ways to get the game completed. Waiting in the shadows for someone else to strike- using their death as a means to an end- felt wrong on so many levels. Especially when I thought about my old friends getting gunned down and the idea that someone might’ve been hiding nearby, begging them to die so they could capitalise on their downfall. Then again, I couldn’t talk. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a coward, I could’ve been that person and I could’ve made my friends’ death mean something. But I hadn’t and neither had anyone else. And now we all faced the consequences of that inaction. 

Arisu had begun to pace at some point and even just watching him do that was enough to make me feel tired. I was glad he wasn’t advocating to do whatever plan we thought of today. I couldn’t even imagine facing a game like this, my head clouded, my body aching. 

“That’s been done already, surely,” Arisu said, chewing on his thumb absentmindedly. “When he came out of nowhere that time, there were hundreds of people. Someone would’ve tried to use that distraction then.”

“Everyone was running. They might not have thought to attack,” Usagi pointed out. 

“Still, someone’s had to have tried it and it didn’t work.”

“Maybe,” Chishiya said. “But not with explosives.” I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Where are we meant to get those from?” Ann asked. 

But I had a sudden thought- a memory of Chishiya scouring the place for materials, telling me about the taser he’d constructed- and it all fell into place.

“You’ve been making some,” I said, a statement rather than a question. Chishiya looked at me, appearing very pleased with himself. 

“When were you gonna tell us that?!” Kuina exclaimed, making Ann wince at her volume, her head clearly hurting as much as mine. 

But that wasn’t what was bothering me. I’d had a different realisation. “You’ve been making explosives in the apartment?!”

Chishiya shrugged nonchalantly. “Where else would you like me to make them?”

“I don’t know, maybe somewhere away from where people are living?”

“So you want me to go away?” He asked, eyebrows raised slightly, with a bemused expression gracing his lips. A challenge if ever I saw one. 

I felt my cheeks heat, irritated that he was so clearly teasing me, and in front of an active audience no less. I wanted to wipe that smile off his face, tell him I wanted him to stay more than anything, just to see him thrown off kilter. But the other people in the room had me hesitating. Especially since I could practically feel Kuina’s eyes drilling holes into the side of my head. 

“You could at least go on the roof,” I muttered. 

“Okay, I will next time you’re asleep up there,” he shot back. 

“I’m not sleeping up there anymore.” Even if my back felt better, I decided that now I wouldn’t go up there again out of principle. 

Chishiya breathed a laugh. “You were there last night.”

Last night. Only two words but it was enough to bring those memories to the forefront of my mind. 

“I only came up there because…” I trailed off. Because you were gone and I wanted to know you were alright. 

Once again he had lured me into a difficult spot where I had to choose between being honest and keeping hold of my quickly diminishing dignity. But as he smirked at me, smug that he’d put me in this position again, I realised I did want to tell the truth. We had an abundance of games in this world already without me spinning plates- trying to stay nonchalant enough that I didn’t scare him away or embarrass myself if he never looked my way again, all the while staying true to my heart. Showing interest but not. Being flirty but not. I was sick of the second guessing, and it wasn’t as if anyone in the room was blind to what feelings were broadcast clearly on my face the moment I looked at Chishiya. 

Fuck it. I made my decision. 

“Because I wanted to see you,” I said truthfully, looking him dead in the eye as I did so. 

Chishiya looked away, flushing at the ears, but a small smile- a ghost of a thing- told me he was pleased with my response. Usually unflappable, it felt like something secret- something not meant for people's eyes- to see Chishiya flustered, even if just for a moment, and it was extremely satisfying that it was me who had caused that brief moment of weakness. 

Then a throat cleared and the moment was over, my satisfaction quickly turning into mortification as I remembered that this wasn’t just a casual conversation we’d hijacked- we were talking about how we were going to kill someone, for god's sake. And while said person was a killer themselves and getting rid of them would save lives, discussing their murder at our hands wasn’t exactly the time to be flirting. 

“Can we get back on track?” Arisu said, and we dutifully did just that, going back and forth with ideas and discussing how best to end this nightmare once and for all. But soon we came full circle, going over things we’d already spoken about and dismissed, and the frustration we were all feeling was almost tangible- a blanket of irritation laid over the room as we kept failing to find an answer. Every avenue seemed impossible. 

Arisu went off, claiming he needed a walk to clear his head, and the rest of us dissolved into silence. I just hoped that he came back inspired because the rest of us were currently useless. Not one good thought about our situation had come up in the whole discussion, apart from maybe Chishiya’s explosives. But even then, we had no real plan to use them that didn’t include simply chucking them at the King of Spades and hoping we struck home. It was like we held one piece of the puzzle but had no idea how to build the rest of the picture around it. And this wasn’t something we wanted to just wing- not when our lives were on the line. We had all come too far to fall now. 

I closed my eyes, huffing as I let my head fall back on the couch cushions. I was so tired- not just physically but mentally. It had been nice to not have to think about the games too much yesterday but it made it all the harder to get into the headspace today. And I clearly wasn’t the only one who was struggling. We had no plan and there was nothing we could do until we had one. As much as I wanted to get back to the old Tokyo, it was starting to feel like it might just be easier to stay put and hope that someone else dealt with our issues. Then again, would that just make us sitting ducks, waiting to die? I groaned internally at the thought. I just couldn’t puzzle out what we were meant to do. 

Suddenly the sofa cushions shifted and I peeked one eye open to see Chishiya getting up and heading for the stairs that led down to the apartment’s front door. He didn’t owe me an explanation (or anything at all, really) but I still found myself wanting one, wanting to call over to him and ask what he was doing or tell him to be careful. Because where else could he be going but out on the street, where danger lurked around every corner? I couldn’t stop him if he wanted to go, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t worry about it. God, I thought to myself, I feel crazy.

Before I knew what I was doing, I got up and began to follow him. For what, I wasn’t sure. But my legs moved of their own accord and suddenly I was there, facing him at the front door, where he had paused, his hand resting on the handle. 

“Don’t die,” I forced out, for lack of anything else to say. 

Chishiya breathed a laugh, turning around as he did so. “Wasn’t planning on it.” 

“Okay, good,” I said. I felt stupid, chasing after him when I didn’t have a proper reason to, nor the capacity to act like I did. “You’re starting to grow on me, you know,” I added jokingly. 

Chishiya raised his eyebrows. “Oh, is that what’s happening here?” 

I gave a single nod. “Yep.”

“And here I thought you’d come to give me a kiss goodbye,” Chishiya said, cocking his head slightly, amusement dancing in his eyes.

My heart jumped. I eyed him carefully, trying to figure out to what degree he was joking. When he didn’t laugh or take back what he said- just kept staring me out, challenging me to countermove- I shrugged. “Is that you asking?”

He shrugged back. 

Fucking hell, I thought, he’s making me do all the work. But even though the stubborn part of me didn’t what to do what he wanted, I also didn’t want to let the opportunity pass me by or give him the wrong idea by refusing. Knowing Chishiya, he would simply never speak of the moment ever again and that would be that, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings (because though they were deep down, fully buried beneath his icy demeanour, I was convinced he actually did have some). Plus, what was the point in being stubborn in a world like this? I should just do what I want, lest it become another thing on my long list of regrets. 

“Fine,” I said in faux annoyance, dragging out the single syllable, and stepped towards him. Immediately, he moved his head to meet me halfway, but I turned his chin away, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek instead, just because I thought it might irritate him. And based on his frown, I had guessed correctly. 

“Be careful,” I said and finally headed back upstairs, satisfied that I had been able to say the words, even if they wouldn’t stand a chance against the King of Spades’ bullets. I just hoped more than anything that he listened to me. 

Usagi slipped out a bit later, muttering something about seeing Arisu, which left Kuina, Ann and me to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves while our heads pounded. We made the odd bit of conversation but mostly we just sat in silence, taking the chance to do so before the others got back and we would have to engage our brain cells and work out a legit plan. 

It was impossible to know how much time had passed- none of us had a watch and I was yet to find a clock amongst the collection of junk in the apartment- but I couldn’t help the niggling feeling that everyone should’ve been back by now. They could’ve been gone for an hour or maybe just half of that, but the longer I sat there, the more and more intense the sense of wrongness began to feel. It was all I could do to stay seated, to stare at the wall and pretend I wasn’t feeling increasingly anxious with every minute that passed. 

“Go after him,” Kuina said. She had moved to laying on the floor at some point, and she spoke without turning her head, just staring up at the blank ceiling. “We won’t judge.”

“It’s not just him,” I replied. “Don’t you think they’ve all been gone a long time?”

Ann pulled herself up off the bed and went to the window. “The King of Spades doesn’t seem nearby. They might just be walking around, working on a plan.”

Still, nothing they said would quell the horrible feeling in my stomach. 

Kuina finally looked over and she must’ve seen the apprehension on my face because she said again, “Go.” 

Chishiya would really think I was crazy if I got out there and found them and nothing was wrong. But if there was even a chance they were in danger… I wouldn’t relax until I knew. 

“Okay,” I said, “I’m going.” 

I didn’t waste anymore time. I hurried out of the apartment- still doing my best to be quiet as I moved all of the greenery away from the hardware store door, despite Ann’s information about the King- and adopted a quick pace through the streets. I had no idea where they had gone but I decided that if I circled a couple of the nearby blocks and I hadn’t found them, I would go back, just in case we had missed each other like ships in the night. 

But I barely had time to travel the length of one block when the sound of distant gunfire cut through the air. I flinched, the sound piercing against the silence. And even though it could’ve been anyone shooting- it could’ve been the King on the way, for christ’s sake- the awful feeling inside of me hit a fever pitch, some sixth sense telling me that no, it was much more sinister than that. 

Then a flurry of shots rang out and I didn’t think. I just ran, following the sound and hoping to all that was holy that it had nothing to do with anyone I cared for.

Chapter Text

I ran as fast as I could. My body was aching- weeks of not eating or sleeping properly, of putting myself through the ringer in the various games, was making my joints scream at me to stop- but I kept going, pushing myself more and more. I thought I caught a flash of pink similar to Usagi’s top turning a corner up ahead and I locked onto that, just in case it was really her and she was in trouble.

Chishiya. Usagi. Arisu. Any one of them could be in danger. But in my head I kept begging, kept repeating over and over, that it wasn’t them at the scene of the gun fight. I hoped that it was someone else, someone I didn’t care about, and that the trio was actually heading in the other direction, back towards the safety of the apartment. 

I had to make sure, though. So I kept running, all the while the shots got louder, competing with the rush of blood in my ears and the erratic beating of my racing heart. Then I turned the corner and any panic I had experienced before felt like a joke. Like nothing at all. Because nothing could compare to the feeling I got when I saw Chishiya and Arisu taking cover behind abandoned cars while some psycho took shots at them, shouting words I couldn’t quite make out. Then Usagi stepped out from a side street in front of me, joining the fray, and I almost shouted at her to take cover. The only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t have time.

A shot cracked through the air, aimed at her this time, and maybe I screamed. All I knew was my heart was in my throat and I launched forward- to do what, I had no idea. I wasn’t close enough to push her out of the way but I wasn’t thinking. My body was moving of its own accord. I just had to do something. 

Usagi dodged, the bullet missing. But more weren’t far behind as the psycho kept going, not letting up as he fired over and over. He wasn’t the King, so what the hell was his problem?! Unless, like in the Jack of Hearts game, the King had an ally. Now that would be fucked up, considering how well he was doing on his own. 

Still, Usagi did her best to get out of the way. But then, suddenly, there was nowhere else for her to go. The gun was still trained on her but this time she wouldn’t make it. 

“USAGI!” I shouted, but there was nothing she could do. I calculated the space, thinking maybe I could throw myself at her and knock her out of the way. But even sprinting- my mind going a mile a minute, everything in me screaming that I needed to do something-  I knew that I wouldn’t make it in time. 

Then, a flash of white. I had just barely registered the movement when two shots rang out. Tears already ran down my face, anticipating the disaster that my eyes had yet to see. But the person who fell wasn’t Usagi. It was Chishiya. 

His body crumpled, strength instantly depleting, bringing him to his knees and then falling back with a sickening thump audible even over my racing heart. My vision blurred as I ran the final stretch, but I kept my eyes locked onto him, as though that alone could keep him alive, like a lifering thrown out to sea, before I skidded on to the road before him, dropping to the floor and grappling for his arm before I even realised what I was doing. His iconic white hoodie was stained and bloody, the mark of crimson only getting bigger, despite him clutching at it with his other hand, trying to stop it. 

It was my friends’ destroyed corpses, the bloody room where Ippei gave up, every single death I had witnessed come back to me, all manifesting in that one moment. I clutched at my chest, half expecting to feel my broken heart poking through it, my own blood leaking through my shirt. But the only dampness I felt was from my tears, which dropped down onto Chishiya’s chest as well as it rose and fell. 

Wait.

He was breathing. He was still breathing. There was hope yet. It was only when Arisu said something from beside me, a jumble of words my brain refused to figure out, that I realised that he and Chishiya had been speaking, their words lost under the cracking of my heart, the rush of blood in my ears. And Usagi’s hand was on my back, her own tears rolling down her cheeks in two neat lines.

“I hope those tears aren’t for me,” Chishiya said quietly, and when I looked back at him, he had the audacity to have the ghost of a smirk on his face, humour still dancing in his eyes despite the pain. 

“You’re so annoying,” I said back, though there was no venom in it. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I wondered if they would ever stop. 

More gunshots cracked through the silence and I flinched, my whole body going into panic mode once more. Then my sluggish thoughts remembered the psycho with the gun- the one that had shot Chishiya in the first place. White hot rage flashed over me in a way it never had before. I had been angry in the past, yes. Furious, even. But nothing could compare to how I felt in that very moment. Because never before had I felt like I could actually kill someone. But for this, I would shoot that psycho dead. 

However, Arisu and Usagi didn’t seem worried about him. Instead, they were looking over their shoulders, staring down the road at something in the distance. And when I had blinked enough to dislodge some of the stubborn tears that wouldn’t clear my vision, I saw why. The giant King of Spades card was on the move, and it was heading in our very direction.

“We need to end this,” Arisu said, sounding determined despite his face betraying his fear. 

Him and Usagi exchanged a rapid fire discussion while I turned my attention back to Chishiya, the only thing going through my head being that we needed to move him, or at the very least help him up and see how much mobility he had, even with that deadly wound. Because though he was alive for the time being, he definitely wouldn’t be if the King of Spades made it down the road. There was also a big chance, considering the severity of the wound, that he would bleed out, even if we made it to cover, but I had to think of one thing at a time. That was the thing about a bigger threat stepping into the picture- it cleared the emotion from my head and gave me a single task: get Chishiya to safety. I could break down again once we were there. 

I gently pulled at where I had Chishiya’s arm in my grasp, hoping to ease him up, but the hiss he let out had me freezing, his usually serene face flinching in pain. 

“I’m sorry,” I told him, “but I need to get you somewhere safe.”

Then Usagi cut in. “Stay here,” she said, getting to her feet alongside Arisu. “Stay with him. We’ll end this.”

I blinked, not quite believing what I was hearing. “You have a plan?”

“We’ll figure it out. Either way, we need to try and end this stage,” Arisu replied. Then he looked pointedly at Chishiya. “And quickly.”

“We’ll see you again,” said Usagi, and then the two of them took off, running in the direction of the gunfire before I could say anything else. 

I went to ease Chishiya back down, to do as the others said and wait it out (and hope and pray that they could somehow end this game without any more heartache) but he grabbed my arm, making me stop.

“I want to sit up,” he said, in a way that told me nothing else was an option. But to sit up where he was would mean I’d have to hold him up myself, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive the slow process of him becoming a dead weight in my arms. Plus, even in this state, I wouldn’t put it past Chishiya to want his space. 

“Maybe you should just lay down again,” I suggested to his unimpressed face. “Save your strength.”

“Doctor’s orders,” he said simply, leaving no room for arguments. Then, “The car would work.”

The car in question was the same one he’d taken shelter behind during the gun fight and was littered with bullet holes and broken glass. Not the most comfortable of places to take what I was quickly understanding might be his last breath. But could I really deny him that request when he was probably- as much as I hated to admit it- about to die? 

I didn’t say another word. I got to work slowly, carefully, manoeuvring him so that he could sit up, leaning against the abandoned car. Then I fell down against it myself, exhausted not only physically but mentally too. There was nothing that could’ve prepared me for how much he would already feel like a corpse, how much blood would be left behind on the road as I dragged him the short distance. Even then, as I puffed, trying to catch my breath, his chest rose and fell far too slow. Scarily slow.

“Tell me what to do,” I demanded, hurrying to get him talking. “You’re the doctor. What do I need to do?”

“Pressure,” he replied, strained. He had been clutching at his wound, trying to stop the bleeding, but his grip was getting weaker. More and more blood eased out between his stained fingers. 

I quickly shrugged off my hoodie and balled it up, pressing it to the wound when I could ease his hand away. He hissed through gritted teeth as I did it as hard as I could- desperate for him to not lose another drop of consciousness- but I wouldn’t let up. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to purposely hurt him but he had already lost too much blood- it didn’t take a healthcare professional to diagnose that. A little discomfort was preferable to dying. I just hoped he wouldn’t have to experience both to come to that conclusion himself. 

“Speak to me,” I said, aware that he had fallen silent again aside from his laboured breaths.

He exhaled sharply, something akin to a laugh. “So demanding.”

“How did this stupid gun fight even start?”

Chishiya moved to gesture over where another body lay- the psycho who had shot at Usagi and hit him instead, looking for all the world to be dead- and it was only then, when he moved his arm and it slipped from my grip, that I realised he had left his hand grasped in mine when I shifted it out of the way of his wound. I wasn’t sure if he had even been aware that he had done that, but the simple intimacy of it made my heart ache. The imprint of where his hand had held mine was painted red with spilled blood but both of us were a mess by that point, so I didn’t hesitate to tuck a stray strand of hair away from his face and behind his ear as he spoke, leaving a smudge of crimson just by the curve of his jaw. 

“He said he wanted another game between the three of us. Me, him and Arisu,” Chishiya said. 

“And you agreed?” I asked incredulously. I had assumed that the guy had come from nowhere and just stumbled across the other two, a gun in his hand and bloodlust in his heart. But from the sounds of it, there was more to the story. That psycho was someone he and Arisu knew. 

Chishiya tutted. “Why does it feel like you’re telling me off?”

“Because I am.”

“You can’t be pissed off when I’m bleeding out.”

My faux anger dissipated. I took a shaky breath. “I know. I’d just rather be annoyed with you than upset.” Because bickering felt natural. Like there was nothing wrong. Nothing bigger than the small irritation going back and forth between us. He said nothing; I changed the subject. “Aren’t you meant to elevate an injury? Get it higher than your heart or something to slow down the bleeding?”

Chishiya gave me the most vicious side eye he could muster in that moment. “What do you want me to do?” he all but growled. “A headstand?”

“Yes please.”

“Fuck off,” he snapped amusedly. 

Then he sighed- the largest breath I’d heard from him in a while- and dropped his head back until it was resting on the car behind him, as though he couldn’t hold it up any longer. I swapped which hand was holding the makeshift bandage in place so I could lean back too, and the pair of us sat there in a heavy silence, punctuated only by gunshots in the distance. And in the silence, the true nature of the situation- which had been circling above like a vulture- finally descended once more, and I found myself crying silent tears again. My head dropped to his shoulder, no longer scared to make that sort of move. It was weird how the threat of death pulled away that hesitation, that feeling of should I, shouldn’t I? Because when you had the luck of another chance it made you indecisive. But this was it. So I rested my head on his shoulder because I knew I might not get another hour, let alone another day with him to hesitate and try again, and he followed suit almost immediately, resting his head on mine in return. 

We sat like that for long enough that the sun had started going down. I had the faintest comprehension of a couple of people running past us, one limping and the other supporting them, but mostly I was just listening to Chishiya breathe. I had stopped getting him to talk, wondering if the distraction was actually doing anything to help or if it might’ve been hindering him to make him lose focus on just pushing air in and out, cycling the blood that was keeping him lucid but was also soaking through my balled up hoodie. I hadn’t looked at it, hadn’t strayed my eyes from the road in front of us and the quickly setting sun since we stopped talking, but I could picture it completely red, the material so soaked through that it was barely doing anything to help him anymore. Nothing could help him anymore. Other than this stage ending and us somehow being taken back to the old Tokyo. But even then, where would we end up? In the middle of this overgrown road, god knows how far from a hospital? 

The concept of even going back felt so foreign now, like a dream you had once that you think you can recall until you actually try and reach for that information and find it just beyond your grasp. But I had to hold onto the hope that we would, and soon. And that I wouldn’t be going back alone, leaving the man beside me as nothing more than another body on the road. 

I listened as his breath grew shallower and shallower, dipping like the sun in the sky until both were almost incomprehensible. It was hell, just sat there, waiting for him to die.

In the moment before the fireworks lit up the darkened sky, I could barely hear him. Then I couldn’t hear anything at all over the bursting gunpowder crackling in the sky, leaving colourful sparks in its wake. It felt like a cruel joke, to show something so beautiful as Chishiya sat dying beside me. But I still stared up at the flashing reds and blues and was surprised to feel Chishiya tilt his head to look up at them too. He still had enough energy to do that, at least, and my heart jumped with hope that maybe, just maybe he would have enough in the tank to make it. We might both make it.

Then, an automated voice rang out, automatically sending chills down my spine before I realised what it was saying. “Congratulations. All the games have now been cleared.”

Yes , I thought, my heart soaring. Someone had actually done it.

Then the voice came again. “Now, all the remaining players will be given a choice. Please select whether you will accept permanent residence in this land or if you won’t accept it.”

What? I found it impossible to believe that anyone would willingly stay here. Then again, if people like that psycho who shot Chishiya existed- who would happily add to all the death and destruction when there was more than enough in this world already- then I guessed anything was possible.

“I don’t want it,” I said, my voice coming out quiet but definite. There was nothing I would want less than to stay in this place. I nudged Chishiya gently, trying to prompt him to speak too. I internally begged that he had the energy.

He was silent for a long time- long enough to fill me with dread. But then, with a shaky breath, he rasped, “I don’t want it either.” 

And between one blink and the next, everything changed.

Chapter Text

There was nothing. And then, everything. Bright lights seared my eyelids, all my senses arrested all at once. Voices, far off, spoke words I couldn’t decipher. My eyes, still closed, burned with an intensity I hadn’t felt before. It was as if someone had thrown sand in them and then glued them shut. My mouth felt just as dry. A sharp tang permeated the air- a strong scent but one I couldn’t distinguish- and it made my nose prickle, my eyes watering almost enough to loosen them. And underneath the cacophony of dread and discomfort, a steady beeping rang out, keeping the world in time. 

I tried to match my breath to it- there was nothing else I could do in that endless darkness- but found it too easy. It was there already- speeding up or slowing down even when I tried to trick it, to test its limits. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” a voice asked, and the shock was enough to make me miss one of the beats. It kept going even while I stumbled. 

Carefully, I cracked one eye open, taking it slow like when you ease tape off of paper in the hope it won’t rip. The light that had felt blinding was duller than I imagined, coming from a lamp rather than the ferocious overhead- some distant descendant of the sun- I’d been imagining. Blinking repeatedly to clear the stickiness from my eyelids, my surroundings eventually swam into focus. 

I was in a bed in an unfamiliar room, and by my side, slumped in a plastic chair, was a girl with dark hair and a confused frown. My roommate, Sofia. 

“You’re breathing so weird,” she complained. “It’s freaking me out.”

I tried to speak but it took a couple of tries to get the words out. When I eventually did, it was in a wheezing croak. “What happened?”

To my surprise, Sofia groaned dramatically. “Not again. You’ve already asked me that twice.” 

I frowned, trying to think about a time before that very moment of waking up, only to find my head blank. I could remember struggling with my most recent art assignment and needing to go for a walk to clear my head. Sofia hadn’t been home so I’d gone out alone, even leaving my headphones behind, craving only the noise of the city. But after that… nothing. 

“There was a meteor,” Sofia said, before patiently reciting to me information that she had apparently told me before. I listened in horror as she told me about how she had heard the crash, only being a few blocks away from the impact site, and had rushed home to tell me about it only to find me missing, a note left on the kitchen counter about me heading to Shibuya. With a sick feeling inside, she had hurried to the hospital and the rest was history. I had been knocked out by the impact but it hadn’t taken me too long to come around, due to my injuries not being bad. 

“They want to keep you in until the morning,” Sofia explained as she got to the end of her tale. “They’ll do some last checks but then you should be discharged. You’ll be home in no time.”

I nodded, though the movement emphasised the pain in my head, making me wince. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

Sofia gave me a look that said seriously? “Do you think you could keep me away? If they wanted to keep you in much longer I’d be telling you to budge over and let me into bed with you so we could have a sleepover.”

I laughed, the sound coming out raspy. It was then that I noticed Sofia and I weren’t alone in the room. Every single bed was full, all with other victims of the meteor. Not everyone had someone visiting though, and in that moment I was happy that I had such a supportive friend by my side. It wasn’t like my parents would come all this way to see me, even if I was in hospital. 

“I had to tell your parents,” Sofia said quietly, as if she had read my mind.

“What did they say?”

“They…” Sofia trailed off, looking away. “They haven’t answered.”

That was no surprise, though I could understand how my friend would find it uncomfortable to tell me that. People with good relationships with their parents often can’t imagine a world where they wouldn’t be close to them. With my own parents, our relationship was purely formal- they looked after me until I was old enough to do it myself and then that was that. The last time I’d seen them was the day I left to go to university. Other than that, it was an awkward phone call every couple of months and that was that. Not even getting hit by a meteor would implore them to come and see me, which said it all really.

A nurse came in then and announced that visiting time was over. There was a shuffle of clothing and footsteps as people’s families and friends started saying their goodbyes and leaving. Sofia gave me a pitying expression.

“It’s fine,” I told her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

And it really was fine. I could feel my eyelids growing heavier by the minute and, while I was glad to see her, I felt like I needed to sleep again. I would be back home and back to my normal life in no time. That includes coursework , the voice in my head told me. I internally groaned. Not even a natural disaster would stop me from failing if I didn’t turn that in. But for now: sleep.

After Sofia left, I stared up at the ceiling wondering how the hell this all happened to me. What were the chances that I would just go for a walk when a meteor was falling? It was typical of my luck, but maybe I could make it work for me. Maybe I could just paint the Shibuya skyline with the meteor sailing through the clouds, about to hit home. I kept thinking about it, picturing the colours and the composition until I drifted off. 

But even in my sleep I couldn’t rest. My dreams were haunted with flashes of red, people running. Screams. I would get to the end of a corridor, my lungs about to collapse, just to find myself at a dead end. Then, I was on a precipice, a gaping ravine behind me and I mustn’t fall, I couldn’t fall, until suddenly my foot met air where the floor was meant to be and I was falling, falling, falling. 

And then there was nothing, and that was the scariest part of all. 

*

“So this is the living room and then over here is your room,” Sofia told me in a sing-song voice, leading me around the apartment we’d lived in for a couple of years now. 

“I didn’t lose my memory,” I snapped jokingly.

Sofia flopped onto the couch. “You did a bit, though. I wonder what you’re forgetting.”

“Nothing interesting I’m sure. A few glimpses of Shibuya crossing?”

“You might’ve seen the meteor.”

“I think I did,” I said, properly considering it. I sat down next to her, resting my head on the back of the couch. “But in my mind all I can think about are fireworks.”

“Fireworks? I suppose they are kind of similar… if you squint,” Sofia said with a grin. Then she shrugged. “Maybe your brain couldn’t comprehend it and what’s the closest thing you’ve seen to a meteor? Probably a firework right?”

I shrugged as well. “I guess. I’ll probably never know what memories I’m missing.”

Sofia tutted. “Well, not with that attitude.”

I thought about the night before, where I’d seen all sorts of weird flashes. I couldn’t explain it- it was such a bizarre amalgamation of things- and so I hadn’t tried to when Sofia had asked if I had slept well. But now we were talking about my memory, I felt as though anything I could reveal might help us to understand this gap I had. However, when I reached for the fragments of dreams I’d had, they slipped out of reach, making them vaguer and vaguer until I wasn’t sure what I’d seen at all. Still, I tried my best to explain. 

“I wouldn’t worry,” Sofia said after listening to me carefully. I had stopped and started, recalling things out of order without any sort of organisation or sense, and she had been nothing but patient. “It’s probably the trauma messing with your brain. You suffered a minor head injury- I think you should probably expect some strange dreams. They don’t have to mean anything.”

No, they don’t , I thought. But I couldn’t help but think that they might. Like there was something I was missing. 

To combat that feeling, I threw myself into the rest of the day. The hospital had recommended I rest but Sofia and I went out to get groceries and then coffee before we came home and watched a whole season of a new show that had just come out. For dinner we had takeout and then we stayed up until the sun appeared again on the horizon, just talking and hanging out like that wasn’t what we did most of the time anyway. When I went to bed, I ignored my easel and my stack of empty canvases. I didn’t look at my open sketchbook or the folders that held the rest of my coursework. I didn’t think about it at all.

*

The next few days were a mess of surviving. I was back to normal apart from the occasional headache and the tiredness that seemed to cling to me like a cobweb. I went to class, stumbling through my day until it was time to come home, where I sat in front of my empty sketchbook, my empty canvas, and over thought my entire life until it was time to go to bed again. Every day came to an end without me making a single mark towards my art work. I picked up a pencil, spinning it between my fingers for hours without it ever making it to the paper. Then, in need to do something except just sitting there trying to think of what to do for my project, I painted a whole canvas dark grey, which gave me a cavernous space to stare into instead. Every day I begged for some idea to come into my head, but it was as if that gap in my memory had expanded to include the entirety of my brain, and after I came back from university there was nothing left for me to use. 

It didn’t help that I wasn’t sleeping properly. Every time I closed my eyes I was plagued by more nonsensical flashes of horror- of blood and screams and terror. They had become more vivid than that first night, but they still didn’t give me any clue what they were about, and I would often wake up in a cold sweat, my heart racing. When I tried to explain them to Sofia, I struggled. 

“So paint them,” she said. It was a simple suggestion but it made complete sense. If it worked, I might get a piece out of it for my project. If not, then at least I had broken the seal on my artistic ability, which would hopefully free me from the invisible shackles that had settled upon me, stopping me from putting pen to paper.

I sat in front of the grey canvas for six hours the first night. Sofia found me when she woke up early to go to the gym, surprised to see that I hadn’t gone to bed yet. That was something I used to do when my creative juices were flowing and I couldn’t bring myself to take a break, but I had been stuck for so long- even before the incident with the meteor. She wasn’t even concerned when I answered the door in yesterday's clothes, my eyes bleary from staring at the canvas for too long. She was just happy to see me working again.

“Show me,” she said, and came into my room, careful to dodge sketches, spare brushes and pencils that littered the floor- the consequences of me finally creating again.

I turned the easel and then watched her take in the painting. It was dark and moody, all greys and blacks with splashes of red- the accents taken directly from my dreams. And amongst the turmoil, a figure.

“It’s amazing,” Sofia said, smiling. But she always said that. That was the expectation of a good friend and so while the words were nice, they had lost meaning. “Is that you?” she asked, gesturing to the person in the painting. They were turned away, their features barely defined. More of a suggestion of a person than an actual painting of one. It could’ve been anyone at all, but it was definitely not me. That much I knew for sure.

“No,” I said definitively. “It’s someone I’ve seen.”

“Oh? Where?”

I swallowed, knowing I was about to sound crazy. It didn’t help that I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards either. “In my dreams.”

Sofia’s head snapped to me, excited. “Really? Like a soulmate?”

“No, no,” I said hurriedly. “I don’t know. In the dreams I’m having, I see people sometimes. They usually change, but there’s one that stays the same.”

“This person,” Sofia said, looking back at the painting I’d done. The light caught the places that were yet to dry. “Do you think they’re real? Like someone you might meet one day?”

“I have no idea,” I admitted. “I don’t even really know what they look like. I just know that they’re there, amongst all the death and destruction.” I fell silent, staring at the canvas for a moment. Usually, when I finished a piece it felt like a weight was lifted- as if the need to create was a physical feeling that only released me when it was done. But even though the painting was over, some of my dreams translated into the waking world, that feeling hadn’t gone away. “I need to do another one,” I said, reaching for one of the empty canvases leaning against my desk.

Sofia stilled my hand. “You need to sleep,” she said firmly. “You still have class in a few hours. And you never know, this person might be waiting for you in your head.”

I did as I was told, collapsing into bed after Sofia left for the gym, sleep overtaking me almost as soon as my head hit my pillow. 

And she was right. I saw him .

Chapter Text

A sprawling white hallway stretched out ahead of me, the walls dirty, the floor covered in debris. Heavy doors stood vigil on either side, running the length of the hall, all but one of them open. I took a tentative step and then another. The closed door wasn’t my goal- if anything, it was unsettling in the midst of all the open ones- but suddenly I was standing in front of it, my hand already reaching for the handle despite everything inside me screaming that it was wrong. I clasped the cool metal and was about to tug at the door when a voice stopped me.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you,” the voice said. 

I was aware of a presence next to me, looking at the closed door. And where the door had filled me with nausea, the person beside me felt like a life raft. I jerked away, looking to the person that had saved me from what I somehow knew would be a painful sight. Only, they were no longer there.

“Hello?” I called, my voice echoing down the abandoned hallway. 

Previously, I had been fine alone, but now I had had a taste of companionship I found the former far less palatable. A panic rose in me, my chest tightening. Until, I looked the other way and found myself outside, standing on an overgrown street. And there he was. 

I gasped and then, before I knew it, I was running towards him, my feet hitting the ground in a steady rhythm. My lungs burned, my legs seized, but I had to make it to him. I had to. Nothing else mattered unless I made it. He looked over his shoulder as I approached and I saw a hint of humour on his face. Humour, but not surprise. I know you , I thought. And you know me. 

Then, running full pelt, I launched myself at him, needing to throw my arms around him. Only, I never made contact. He seemed to vanish in my arms and, with nothing to stop me, I couldn’t do anything but fall. 

So I fell. And when I hit the floor, I fell some more. 

*

I woke up gasping, clawing at my throat as if I could somehow force it to let in more air. My heart was racing, my skin prickled with fear, and it was only as I looked around my room- taking in the canvases, the pictures on the wall, the disarray of the floor and all my art supplies scattered upon it- that I began to calm down. That sensation of falling had been so real, I could still feel the aftershocks of my stomach lurching, my body falling weightless through time and space. 

But there had been something else. Someone else. And though I reached for the memories and found them fleeting as usual, I still knew that it had been him- the man I had seen before. The man I had implemented into my painting as a featureless silhouette with nothing more than a few anonymous strokes of white and grey. He had been a recurring part of my dreams ever since I had come back from the hospital and, even in my waking hours, I couldn’t get him out of my head. 

Still nauseous from my dream, I didn’t bother with breakfast or my morning coffee. I didn’t even check my phone or the time. Nothing was more important in that moment than this. I had a burning need to paint, to immortalise not just the man but the other glimpses of things I’d dreamt, on canvas before the details escaped me. With every minute, they faded more and more, so I set up at my easel, still in my pyjamas, and got to work.

Hours later, I was disturbed by my phone ringing. The sound cut through the fog I was in and I blinked repeatedly, almost like I was waking up again. I scrambled for my phone- still lying face down on my bedside table- and was about to answer when I realised it said Sofia’s name on the screen. Sofia? I thought, wondering why she would call me from the other room. But then my eyes snagged on the time and my stomach dropped- a repeat of how I’d woken up and no less jarring. I instantly picked up.

“Where the hell are you?” Sofia’s panicked voice came through the speaker. “Are you okay?”

Then the stressed feeling turned to guilt. Sofia and I weren’t studying the same things but we always tried to meet up and have lunch together when we were both on campus. Given everything with the meteor she must’ve thought something had happened to me when, in reality, I was still sitting at home none the wiser to her turmoil, my hands covered in paint. 

“I’m fine,” I assured her quickly. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” 

Sofia sighed with relief but I could tell that part of her was still irritated with me for standing her up. “Are you still painting? Please tell me you at least went to sleep for a bit.”

“I did, I promise.” And I saw him. Just like you said I would.

“And please tell me you’ve been working on your project.”

I eyed my canvas. Hours of a paint induced frenzy had left me with another piece filled with moody greys. This time though, they portrayed the dingy hallway I’d seen with the endless metal doors on either side. Only, on the canvas, they did end with a street overtaken with greenery. And standing there waiting amongst all the plants and debris…

“I’ll take that as a no,” Sofia said sassily. Lost in my painting, I’d forgotten she was still on the phone. “We can talk about it later.” 

I felt weirdly chastised though I knew she only wanted the best for me. Plus, she was right. I really needed to get on with my project. At the end of the month all the art students were doing an exhibition that would be open to the public and I hadn’t even worked out what sort of theme I wanted to do yet, let alone made a start on any of the pieces. But the thought of painting anything else… it would be like ignoring the rushing tide in favour of building sandcastles- I might get the foundations done but there was no stopping the rush of water, so what was the point of starting at all? Until these dreams stopped or I worked out what the deal was with them, I couldn’t ignore them for something else. I just hoped they backed off soon so I could get back to my normal life, pre-meteor. 

By the time Sofia got home I’d gone to the effort of trying not to look like someone who had worked themselves into a frenzy, despite her witnessing it for herself only hours before. It was as though I was trying to trick her into thinking that the whole missing college debacle was all in her head, because here I was- a functioning woman thank you very much. But Sofia wasn’t easily put off when she got an idea in her head. She ignored the freshly hoovered apartment and didn’t even blink when she came into my room and found it looking less like an explosion of art supplies and more like an actual, functional room.

“Come on,” she said, reaching for my hand, “We’re going out.”

“Out?” I repeated dumbly. Then it dawned on me. “I don’t need an intervention. I just showered and everything.”

“You need air and we need to talk about things,” she said. And that was that.

We headed out without a destination in mind, all the while talking about things that didn’t matter. Pointedly not art projects, weird dreams or meteors. Perhaps we won’t, I thought to myself. Maybe going out like that was a way of showing me that the world outside of my head was still vast and bustling. Maybe Sofia was hoping I’d find a new muse somewhere on our walk, my subconscious set to find something while she attempted to distract my conscious mind with streams of chatter. If I was right, I recognised what she was doing and appreciated her for trying. But for someone who overthought to a fault, I knew it didn’t work like that. 

Fragments of dreams kept coming back to me as we walked down streets and sideroads, the scenes flashing through my mind with a startling clarity. That, and a sense of recognition. That stomach dropping feeling of deja vu kept coming over me, even as I tried hard to make the most of Sofia’s assistance. Maybe I should try and paint her, I considered, as a way of paying homage to all the help she’s given me over the years. And yet even as I thought it I knew it wasn’t something I would do. Sofia would hate to walk into the exhibition and see five iterations of her likeness staring back at her. 

“Izumi,” Sofia said sharply, bringing me into the present. The tell-tale feeling of shame washed over me at being caught once again, living inside my head. “Did you hear anything I just said?” 

“Obviously,” I lied, my ears heating and instantly giving me away. “I was just thinking.”

“You need to do less of that. Unless you’re going to focus on your art project?”

Ah, there it is. Sofia might’ve been beating around the bush for most of our walk but- of course- she wouldn’t let me get away with things forever. I should’ve known she would circle back and yet I still felt caught off guard, or like she’d found me doing something I wasn’t meant to. 

“I have thought about it,” I argued weakly. It wasn’t a lie- I really had. If anything, since we were assigned the project, I hadn’t stopped thinking about my art. Only, that’s all it was. I hadn’t put a single thing into practice because not a single thing felt right. Nothing had captured my interest like the bizarre recurring dreams I’d been having, and it wasn’t like I could use those painted amalgamations of scenes as anything but a springboard for my own memory. 

“Let's just pretend I believe you,” Sofia said. The streets were so busy that our conversation had become disjointed as we each dodged people and tried our best to keep walking besides each other. “It’s still not great to be missing college.”

“I feel like getting hit by a meteor is a pretty good excuse for missing some days,” I said, almost crashing into a man who wasn’t looking where he was going. “Plus I can afford the absences. I don’t think I’ve missed a single day this year before all of this happened.”

“Which is obviously understandable. I just think that it’s better for you to be around other people. And don’t say that you are already, because living with me doesn’t count. I think a distraction would be good for you instead of…” Sofia struggled for a word and I got the odd sense that she was trying not to offend me. “Instead of obsessing with this place in your head and- I don’t know- rotting in the apartment?”

I shrugged, unsure what to say, though Sofia missed the gesture as she was a few steps ahead. I was sure the silence told her everything she needed to know. More than I could probably say with words. 

When the meteor hit, I didn’t even know it had happened. I just blinked and I was in the hospital. I felt as though something so quick shouldn’t have affected me so much but, the truth was, that blink felt monumental in a way only I seemed to understand. Maybe it was stupid to put so much importance on a single moment, but it felt like my life had changed in that split second. Something in me had changed. Though, so far, that had only manifested itself in me no longer being able to have restful sleep and internalising even more than before. I had considered trying to explain to Sofia more about it but I found it hard to know where to start. The dreams weren’t bad because there were visuals I could describe to her, but how could I tell her about something that was a pure feeling, a sense that something wasn’t quite the same as it was before? 

Sofia had started chatting again at some point and I caught enough of the words to piece together that she was suggesting ideas for my project. Previously, it would’ve worked. The pair of us had spent many an evening throwing idea after idea at the wall and seeing what stuck. But nothing was working this time. 

Just as Sofia was waxing poetic about stars and space and the universe at large, something caught my eye and I froze, my body acting on pure instinct. Through the crowd was a figure I knew so well, the familiarity staggering despite still not knowing his name. 

But I knew his face, his bleached hair, his white hoodie. I knew his stance and the way he walked and- if my dreams were to be believed- I knew his voice and the blunt way he spoke. I knew that if I ran up to him he would probably snap at me, even if he was secretly happy to see me. All this time I had seen glimpses- tiny fractions of a bigger picture that all seemed to snap together when I laid eyes on him for real. Because he was a real person, not just someone I had made up, the result of my overactive and- according to Sofia- lonely mind. 

I was jolted from my trance-like state by a business woman knocking into my shoulder with enough force to almost take me off my feet. The interruption was quick as lightning and just as sharp, but that was all it took to break my sightline. When I steadied myself it was too late. He was gone. 

“No!” I gasped. 

“What a bitch,” Sofia said, mistaking the reason for my anguish. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” I said absentmindedly, my eyes roving over all the people rushing to their destinations. 

I kept walking, falling back into step with my friend and trying to decide whether it was worth telling her what I’d seen in case she thought I’d lost my mind. But then, when I was just losing hope and starting to question if I’d just been seeing what my brain wanted me to see rather than what was actually there, I caught a flash of white in the crowd ahead of me. 

I didn’t stop and think about it. I ran, leaving Sofia shouting after me. 

It wasn’t a trick of the light. As I dodged people, the mysterious man from my dreams stayed a few steps ahead, moving through the masses like a hot knife through butter, whereas I got caught at every turn, almost crashing into people every time I attempted to dart around them. I didn’t know what I would say if I even caught up to him but that didn’t put me off. I figured that if my stupid mind had gone through the motions of showing him to me over and over that it could surely come up with something if we ever got face to face. Either way, in that moment all that mattered was reaching my destination. The rest I would sort out when I got there. 

Then, out of sheer luck, he was right there, held up while he waited for a crossing signal. I hurried the last few steps, my hand outstretched to tap him on the shoulder. And out of nowhere, I knew exactly what to say, my subconscious filling in a crucial gap.

“Ch-” I started, before a firm hand on my arm whirled me around. 

“Izumi, what the fuck?” Sofia snapped, her eyes alight with concern. “What the hell is going on?”

But I couldn’t let him get away. Not when I’d come so close. I spun out of her grasp, desperate to call out again with the name that was quickly dissolving on my tongue. However, I heard the beeping of the crosswalk and then he was gone, swallowed up by the crowd of people crossing from the other side. 

There was nothing else I could do but sigh in defeat, my eyes still searching for another glimpse of him but coming up short. 

I turned back to my roommate and her bewildered expression. “Let’s go home,” I said tiredly, my energy syphoned by that moment of pure disappointment. And, despite her concern and the frustration I imagined she must’ve been feeling at my shenanigans, she just nodded and led the way, letting me stew in the knowledge that the man of my dreams was real but we weren’t meant to cross paths. Not today, anyway.

Chapter Text

When we got back, I did my best impression of someone who was coping. Someone who was not obsessed with a stranger, who was eating and sleeping and going to college like a normal person. Something in me- perhaps the desperation- had quietened, because now I knew that he was real. He wasn’t some figment of my imagination. He was a real, breathing man who lived in my area, which meant that surely- logically- we had met somewhere, somehow, and my subconscious remembered it. Which meant that maybe I wasn’t losing my mind after all.

Sofia had waited until we got back to question my actions, taking on a gentle tone that I realised with a start that I hated. It wasn’t like her at all, and it made me suddenly angry with myself that I had brought out that side of her that was so disingenuous.

“I just thought I saw someone,” I assured her, taking on a jovial tone. “It doesn’t matter though.”

“Who?”

I couldn’t say his name even if I wanted to. Now that I was out of the moment, my traitorous brain was withholding the information from me again. “Some guy from my art class,” I lied. 

Sofia’s single raised eyebrow told me she didn’t believe me, but she must've noticed the change in my mood- a single glimpse of the old me cutting through the fog of obsession and confusion that had enveloped me since the meteor, no matter how fake. And that seemed to be enough, especially when I told her I was going to work on my art project.

“Thank you for the intervention,” I told her, being genuine this time. “It really helped me to get out a bit.”

“I thought hanging out with me would do something,” Sofia joked, sounding more like herself already. “But clearly not, considering all you did was run away from me.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Just that desperate to catch the guy from your art class, huh?”

I just offered her an awkward laugh. It was clear that she didn’t buy my excuse but, luckily, she was willing to accept it for the time being. If she thought about it, it probably wouldn’t take a leap for her to work out that I had seen him: the man from my dreams. Though she would probably assume I had been hallucinating, rather than actually seeing him in the flesh. Maybe she didn’t want to upset me by bringing it up, or maybe she was waiting for me to go into my room before she contacted someone to come and lock me up and throw away the key. 

An image of a bleached corridor lined with heavy doors flashed into my mind unbidden. I quickly blinked it away, unsettled by the fact it was slightly different from the one I had painted. This one had people, though their features were obscured, unimportant, apart from the stark band around all of their necks. 

When I was back in my room, I didn’t paint what I’d seen, even as the image came back to me as I stared at my canvas. I stared and stared and stared, and hoped for a modicum of inspiration. Then I decided that a whole canvas was too scary and switched to my sketchbook.

I could do this. I could draw and paint and sketch like I used to. I could be creative and conjure up images that hadn’t come to me in my strange, traitorous dreams. And yet my hand didn’t move. I was frozen by indecision. 

As I sat there, music began to drift in from the other room. From the living room or Sofia’s- wherever she had based herself for the evening. Sometimes I minded and I would put my own headphones on to drown it out, but today I just listened. Music had helped me before. Maybe it could help me now as well. 

Slowly, I let my mind clear. It was something I struggled with- shutting off all the thoughts in my head and letting myself just exist- but on the rare occasions I did it, I usually made my best pieces. When I let myself go, free of restraints, and just drew. 

My pencil began to move over the paper. 

Some time later- an hour, a few minutes- my mind snagged on the song that was playing. Lyrics from other ones hadn’t grabbed me from my concentration, but something about this song had got through. Maybe it was the melody, or simply just the sound of the backing track, but I found myself humming along absentmindedly despite not knowing it. 

Sofia’s music taste was diverse, but her favourite seemed to be western pop music. I often joked that I must know more songs from across the pond than what was popular in Japan, just from listening to whatever it was she was playing. Usually, I ended up with songs stuck in my head that I had no concept of the names of, which bordered on infuriating. I needed to get a music taste of my own but considering one of the only times I might be tempted to put music on was when I was painting and the fact that I often got lost in my work, I never really had an opinion on what I was listening to. It all usually faded into the background. 

But not this song. 

I’m looking for a place,

I’m searching for a face, 

Is anybody here I know?

My hand flew across the page. I tried not to think too hard about what I was doing, not wanting to jolt myself out of my concentration. But the lyrics of the song still cut through, still resonated through the fog I found myself in. 

Isn’t anyone tryin’ to find me?

Won’t somebody come take me home?

Without thinking, I switched to charcoal, finding the darker sticks on my desk waiting for me. I deepened areas, still methodical, unseeing to the full picture I had created thus far. 

It was only when I sat back- when I finally let myself stop and put down my pencils- that I realised what I had drawn. Or, more accurately, who. 

I don’t know who you are but I,

I’m with you. 

The singer’s voice, the lyrics, the complete mix of horror and elation from what I had created, sent a wave of goosebumps over my skin, leaving me shivering as I came to the realisation that I had drawn him. Actually him. Not a smudge on canvas. Not a suggestion of a person. Not a figure without discernible features. Not even how I saw him in the street, with his back to me and his shoulder length, bleached hair blowing in the breeze. 

But him. Looking at me, a hint of eyeliner accentuating his cat eyes, the suggestion of a smirk pulling at his lips. 

“Shit,” I cursed, going to tear it out of my sketchbook. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. 

I got up from my desk, telling myself I was only leaving the drawing intact because it was one of the best things I’d ever drawn. Not for any other reason. Then I left my room, seeking Sofia out and finding her singing along to the song in her room as she studied. 

“What’s it called?” I asked, having to repeat myself twice because of the volume of the music. 

Still, the singer lamented: 

I don’t know who you are but I, 

I’m with you,

I’m with you.

I shook the image of the man from my mind. 

“Pretty sure it’s Avril Lavigne,” Sofia said, twirling her pen around as she tapped on her phone, looking for the song. “Why? Do you like it?”

Did I? It was hard to explain how I felt. Well, actually, it wasn’t hard at all if I was willing to take the risk of Sofia truly thinking I had lost my mind. The song felt as though it had snatched thoughts from my mind. Because I didn’t know this man and yet, at the same time, I must. Somehow, despite everything, I must. 

“It’s… alright,” I decided. Sofia’s raised eyebrows said she knew otherwise. After all, how many songs had she played that I had never been bothered to ask about?

Later that night, when I turned my gaze to my open sketchbook again and went to close the cover or put it away, I thought about that song. I’d downloaded it after Sofia gave me the name, though I hadn’t listened to it again yet. I managed to hold myself off until I got into bed, where I tossed and turned until finally, finally, I gave in and put my earphones in, hearing the first few opening notes of the song and feeling something I could only describe as a piece sliding into place. The puzzle I was making was still indiscernible, but I took what I had: a picture, a song that conjured something so familiar it was as though I’d written the lyrics myself, a glimpse in the street and almost- so close it might be the death of me- a name. 

It had to mean something. It had to. 

*

For the next few weeks, I lived a normal life. At least on the outside. I went to college, I did my coursework, I ate and showered and slept just enough to be functioning. And I even worked on my art project. 

I called it, All the People We Will Never Meet, which wasn’t my most inspired work but it was something I could manage amongst the turmoil my brain was still cast in. Because no matter what sort of image I was putting out of a well-performing, normal human being, I didn’t stop thinking about him. And I didn’t stop looking either.

Whenever I had time outside of class, I found myself sitting in some of the busiest areas of Tokyo, sketchbook at the ready. People watching benefited my project and I ended up with pages and pages of drawings I could pull from for my final pieces, as well as pictures I occasionally snapped on my phone for references. The idea behind the project was that we live amongst so many people and yet we may pass them once and never see them again. In my final pieces I was going to highlight certain people in the crowds I’d painted- just people who stuck out to me- and, I suppose, that part of me hoped that one of those people I would capture would be the man I had seen so many times in my mind.

But weeks of people watching and sketching had passed and I hadn’t seen him again. I hadn’t even caught a glimpse. And yet every time I saw a flash of bleached hair or a white jacket, my heart skipped a beat like some sort of starved dog yearning for scraps. The amount of times I’d caught myself zooming into pictures I’d taken- magnifying the image and squinting to discern the mass of coloured pixels- was borderline obscene, and every time I found that the picture I’d taken didn’t, in fact, contain the mystery man, I hated myself a little bit more for wasting my time still searching for someone I would probably never see again. 

In the run up to the exhibition, I found that I didn’t hate my project. When I started to position the pieces next to each other, I discovered that despite my interest stemming from needing an excuse to go out into the city on a manhunt, I had captured something unexpectedly heartwarming. Because my project was about people I would never lay eyes on again and yet, here they were, captured in oil paint. 

In one piece- a small canvas that depicted Shibuya Crossing- a girl with braided hair had looked directly at my phone camera as I’d taken the photo. I’d been in two minds about depicting her so exactly because I wasn’t sure how it would affect the feeling I was setting out to provoke. I wanted the audience of the painting to feel like they were bystanders to the hustle and bustle- that they were peering through one way glass at all the people that they would instantly forget as they went on with their lives. There was something about having that girl staring back at the viewer that I wasn’t sure about, but when I started to paint, I found I couldn’t ignore her. I couldn’t paint her in a way that was disingenuous. What were the chances that she had looked over right as I took the picture? I couldn’t ignore that even if I wanted to. So I had painted her exactly as I had seen her: a girl with pretty features, hair braided and tied back out of her face, and what looked to be an unlit cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Curious eyes locked on the camera and, in turn, the viewer. 

After I finished the painting, I could still feel her eyes on me, overseeing the creation of the other pieces. I picked people at random to draw attention to when I was working out the compositions. Really, it felt like they had picked themselves. My attention was drawn to certain people and so I made a conscious effort to make them stand out in the crowds I was depicting. By the end, I had a mosaic of strangers’ faces. Ironically, after spending hours working on them, I felt like I knew them all. 

* 

Opening day of the college art exhibition came without fanfare, though Sofia tried her best to provide her own. 

“It’s something to celebrate!” she insisted, pulling a bottle of wine out of the cupboard despite the early hour. It was one that was a fraction more expensive than what we usually drank, and so we had been keeping it for a special occasion. Today, according to Sofia, was the perfect excuse. “It’s a big achievement, you know, getting your stuff out there in the world!”

“Everyone on my course is participating,” I pointed out. I wasn’t intentionally being a mood killer but the feeling of relief that I had expected to experience given all my hard work hadn’t happened yet, and it was frustrating beyond reckoning. 

Sofia gave me a look. “Considering all you had were blank canvases a couple weeks ago, I think you can be at least a little proud of yourself. Are you not happy it’s over?”

“Of course I am,” I told her, smiling. And it was almost real. Because I was happy that I’d finished my project. But there was something nagging at me that told me that this wasn’t over. That despite adding my signature to my pieces and hanging them up in the exhibition hall amongst the work of my peers, this wasn’t the end of it. 

And, of course, I hadn’t forgotten my search for the mystery man over the weeks that had passed. But despite my dedication, I had come up fruitless. I hadn’t caught even a glimpse of him again and, though I strained to think back over the countless near-sleepless nights I had had recently, I couldn’t remember seeing him in my dreams either. He had vanished from my subconscious. That, or I had run out of things to learn, images to sieve through. It was infuriating and completely unfair to have such a need to know about him and yet no way to learn, and I probably would’ve driven myself to near insanity if I hadn’t had my project to throw myself into. It turned out that, after all the stress it had caused me, it had possibly been the thing that had helped me the most.

But I still listened to that song on repeat, and I still let my gaze linger on the closed cover of my sketchbook, where I knew that oh-so familiar face was waiting for me. 

Up until last night, at least. Because last night I had an intense lapse in judgement. 

But Sofia didn’t know that yet, and so I let her be excited and I let her talk my ear off as we headed to the exhibition hall, where the submitted works of my fellow art students would be available to view by the public in only a matter of time. When we got there, we were instantly surrounded by a crowd and, suddenly, my nerves were shot. 

“You don’t have to come in,” I told her, pulling my arm from where she had linked hers through it. “You’ve seen my paintings how many times over the last few weeks? You don’t need to waste your time looking at them again just to be polite.” 

Sofia frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s fine,” I said, all of a sudden desperate for her to leave. “I’ll just go in quickly and check everything is where it’s meant to be and then I’ll come and meet you.”

“Izumi,” Sofia said firmly, “I’m not going to miss your exhibition. You’re my best friend. I don’t care how many times I’ve seen your art- I’m always going to want to see it again. Why’re you so freaked out?”

“I’m not,” I said, in possibly the least convincing tone I’d ever used. 

Sofia linked her arm through mine again and pulled me up the steps to the hall. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s go straight to your section so you can chill the fuck out, then we’ll actually enjoy looking at everyone else’s.”

Before I could argue anymore, we were inside. Being early in the day, the crowd was mostly art students and people who appeared to be their families. I had known it would be like that and yet, on top of the sudden apprehension I was feeling, I was hit with a wave of self consciousness that I had no one to invite. Even if I asked my parents to come, I knew they would never turn up, having no interest whatsoever in anything that could possibly make me happy. Sofia and I sometimes hung out with some other girls we went to college with- mostly if we were going out drinking- but we weren’t close. It would’ve been out of the ordinary to expect them to turn up or want to spend time with me when there wasn’t alcohol involved. The only person I had who consistently showed up for me was Sofia, and here I was wishing she would leave, if only so I didn’t have to see her reaction when we finally turned that corner. But her arm through mine was like a cuff, her pace determined. When we finally laid eyes on my section of artwork, I had gone cold all over.

“Wow, Izumi, this is incredible!” she said, pulling me over so she could look closer. “God, it’s so weird to see all these pictures up on the wall with all the professional lights shining on them and stuff.” Sofia finally slipped her arm from mine so she could lean right into the paintings, making all sorts of approving sounds despite her seeing them all in our apartment. All but one, but she hadn’t noticed it yet. “I’m so proud of you,” she said over her shoulder, though her face fell when she caught sight of my expression. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Should we go and look at everyone else’s now?”

Sofia made a disbelieving sound. “Already? I haven’t finished appreciating everything yet. My best friend’s got her work in an exhibition, didn’t you know?” she joked, eliciting a small chuckle from me. 

For a moment I tricked myself into thinking everything might be okay. Then Sofia turned back to the wall. 

“Oh,” she said, and I realised the illusion was over, “I haven’t seen this one.” She shook her head, playfully scolding, “Izumi, I helped you sort out all your pieces. How come you never showed me this?”

I didn’t respond. But I didn’t need to. Because as her eyes lingered on that page from my sketchbook- torn out as neatly as I could and hastily swapped with one of my paintings yesterday, just before the hall was locked up for the night- I could practically hear the cogs in her head turning. But how could I do a project titled All the People We Will Never Meet without including the portrait of the man who started it all? I had given up hope of ever seeing him again, but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten or that I’d stopped looking. His picture belonged amongst the other faces on the wall, all of strangers that would never become anything more- even if the scrap of sketchbook paper seemed a little lost surrounded by canvas. 

“Who is this?” Sofia asked carefully. When she turned to look at me again, her eyes were shining with concern. “This is him? The guy from your head?”

Something inside me snapped. “He’s not from my head,” I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. “He’s real, just like any of these people.” I gestured to the rest of my project, filled with faces that Sofia hadn’t questioned or objected to. 

“I thought you’d… got over all that. You finally focused on your project and you didn’t mention him at all since those first few days.” Sofia took a breath, levelling gentle eyes at me that made my blood boil. “I thought you were getting better and not, you know, fixating on someone that doesn’t exist.”

“You called him my soulmate,” I said, voice low and shaking. “But what, all this time you just thought I was crazy? Were you just trying to placate me?” But I’d known this would happen. I had sensed it. Which was why I hadn’t told her I’d seen him for real, and I hadn’t mentioned that I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since, despite the lack of new appearances, in my dreams or otherwise. And I hadn’t told her that I had that song on repeat as I sketched through the city or sat, waiting to snap pictures. I had kept it all to myself because I knew that this would be her reaction. “And I saw him, by the way. That day I ran off. It was him I saw, and I would’ve caught up to him if you hadn't interrupted me.”

Sofia ignored the latter of what I’d said, her expression one I never wanted to see again- as if she was on the brink of crying. “Your soulmate? Do you really think that? Izumi, I was joking. I thought this guy popping up in your dreams a couple times was some sort of romantic, lost love shit. The type of thing we’d watch some shitty Netflix original movie about and then move on with our lives. I didn’t know you were still there, obsessing over him.” She shook her head, suddenly angry. “You know this isn’t normal right? I’ve had dreams about guys I’ve never met before but that doesn’t mean I put my whole life on hold and started- I don’t know- fantasizing about meeting them or whatever.”

“It’s not like that,” I insisted. 

“Then what is it like?”

I opened my mouth but no words came out. There was nothing I could say. I could barely wrap my head around it all myself, let alone try and describe the situation to someone that already thought I was crazy, in a way that might somehow reverse this rock slide of misunderstanding and preconceived mania. 

But my silence was answer enough. Sofia shook her head again, more to herself than to me. “Sort your life out,” she demanded. “I know the meteor and everything fucked with you but it comes to a point where you actually have to want to get better. You can’t just expect to go back to normal without putting some effort in.”

“Do you think I want to be like this?!” I exclaimed, my voice catching in my throat.

Sofia made a point of looking at the lone sketch hanging amongst the paintings. “I don’t know what to think anymore,” she said, and her disappointment was like a knife through my chest. Before I could say anything else, she stalked off, leaving me alone with my exhibition. Faces made familiar through time stared back at me from the wall but I couldn’t meet the eyes of any of them. 

I took myself on a walk- the opposite direction to where Sofia had gone- and forced myself to think about nothing in an attempt to calm down. But even when I’d done a loop of the hall, taking every twist and turn in an attempt to see every bit of art that might distract me from my racing thoughts, I ended up back where I started- both in location and in my mind. 

Sofia was right but that didn’t make her words hurt any less. I knew that the obsession had taken over my life, even if I tried to hide it from everyone but myself. And I knew that I had to make this into a turning point if I ever wanted to get back to normal. I had to forget the mystery man and get on with my life. I had to put the effort into curing whatever had gone wrong in my head after the meteor hit. 

I sighed, finally deciding to leave. I hadn’t been sure if Sofia might come back but, given how much time had passed as I surveyed the other artwork, it was clear that she wasn’t. It made sense that I would have to be the one to reach out this time. But patching things back up with her would be the first step on a better path- the first step to getting better. 

However, before I left I granted myself one last look at my project- a sort of saying goodbye to this strange chapter of my life. Specifically, I wanted one last look at that sketch. When the exhibition was over I would burn it. By then I was hoping it might not mean anything to me anymore. 

But when I stepped around the corner, my short lived determination instantly shattered. Because he was there. Not just on paper but in the flesh, staring at the drawing I’d done of him before I truly even knew the details of his face. 

And in that moment, one crucial piece finally slipped into place. A name. 

“Chishiya?”