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Steve knows there’s something wrong the second he opens his eyes. It’s not only the fact that he’s standing alone amongst the trees, but also the fact that something feels different. He’s not sure what it is, can’t quite pinpoint it, but it feels familiar in some weird way he can’t explain.
He was supposed to come back only mere seconds after being gone, but here he is, on a dilapidated platform, no one there waiting for him. He has no idea how it still works, plants and grass overgrown all around it, a few flowers peeking out of the cracks under his feet, but he’s glad it does.
How much time has passed? How long has he been gone? What happened to everyone?
What do they think happened to him?
When Steve stepped onto that platform, Mjolnir in one hand and the case full of Infinity Stones in the other, all he could think of was coming back to 2024 and finally living his life in peace. He wasn’t sure what he wanted exactly, didn’t know if he wanted to hang up his shield for good or not, but he wanted to have the chance to figure it out.
It doesn’t seem like he does anymore.
The last thing he remembers is returning the last Stone, in 2012, before using his last vial of Pym particles to return to the present, to return to his life; to return home. Everything after that is a blur, lights flashing by and time passing in the blink of an eye.
For a second, it feels like it’s 2011 again, like he’s waking up in a fake hospital room in New York City. His heart races in his chest at the thought of having lost time again, of everyone’s life having moved on while he was lost somewhere.
Lost…
It’s a word that’s described Steve for so long it’s almost a part of him at this point. He wishes it wasn’t, wishes he could’ve found his way over the years, and he thought he did for a while. Before Thanos, before Wakanda, he thought he’d finally found it.
He and Bucky didn’t have much, but they had each other, and just like in their twenties, it was enough. Steve should have known it wouldn’t last, should have known his life could never be that simple. He just never thought he’d have to watch Bucky disappear in front of him once more.
After a few minutes, Steve finally manages to calm his heartbeat and stop his shaky breaths. That’s when he finally looks down at himself. He means to check for injuries, make sure he’s okay, but what he sees hits him like a wrecking ball and it settles at the bottom of his stomach, heavy.
He probably should have known when he felt an all too familiar tension all the way up his back, a curve he hasn’t felt in what feels like a lifetime. He should have known when his heart started beating irregularly, when his chest started to feel too small for his lungs.
The body he’s looking down at is small and frail, and it feels like home the same way one’s burned down childhood home would – familiar and devastating at the same time. The panic that rises in his chest once again doesn’t help, but he can’t stop it.
In 1943, when Steve stepped out of that chamber, one foot taller and stronger than he could have ever dreamed of, he didn’t think he could ever get used to that body. Over the years, he learned to love how powerful he’d become, started to appreciate the fact he could go on walks and runs and hikes without getting tired. He never thought he would ever get to have that.
Now, he’s back in a body he used to loathe, a body that tried to take him out time and time again. A body that he left behind a long, long time ago and never thought he’d see again.
It doesn’t hurt like it used to. It doesn’t hurt at all, actually. He doesn’t know why, but then again he doesn’t know why he’s back in this body in the first place. He tries not to think about it too much.
Thank god for small mercies, he thinks.
When the panic subsides, he sits on the platform and starts to think up a plan.
He doesn’t know where everyone is and he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to go before his body starts to turn on him, but he has to give it a shot. He doesn’t know where to start.
Tony’s cabin is only a couple of miles away. If he’s lucky, Pepper or someone else will still be there. Maybe he’ll get more answers then. From there, he could get a ride into the city, or to wherever Sam or Bucky are.
Determined to find out what happened, Steve starts walking in the direction of the cabin.
The sun is high in the sky, and it’s hot, even within the shade of the trees. It’s unmistakably the dead of summer.
The path to the cabin is unused. It probably hasn’t been taken since that day in 2024. He wonders how long his friends waited for him to come back, wonders how long they stood there hoping Steve would reappear. He tries not to think about the panic they might have felt, the hurt it probably caused once they realized Steve wasn’t coming back.
As he walks, he tries to ignore the image of Bucky his brain insists on conjuring, the man trying to hide his pain and probably replacing it with anger.
God, Steve is terrified by the idea of facing Bucky.
After almost an hour, Steve sees the house. It looks almost the same as it did the last time Steve laid eyes on it, meaning someone still lives there. He hopes to find Pepper, knowing she will be the most understanding – probably the least angry, too.
He knocks on the door when he reaches it, his heart in his throat, his breath unsteady. He doesn’t know what to expect.
The door opens, revealing Pepper Potts, her hair longer than the last time Steve saw her, at Tony’s funeral. She looks good though, happy.
A while has passed, then.
“Yes?” she asks, wary. She eyes Steve up and down, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Steve?”
“Hey, Pepper,” is all he can say, the words feeling like sandpaper as they escape his throat. He’s so thirsty, feels like he hasn’t drank anything in days, months.
She gestures for him to come in and leads him into the kitchen. Without a word, she hands him a glass of water and sits at the table. Steve takes the seat opposite her, drinking his water a little too quickly and almost chokes. He clears his throat, trying to ignore the cough that wants to escape him and sits back in the chair.
“Steve, are you okay?” she asks gently, her voice kind as always.
“I think so?” he answers truthfully.
“We thought you–” she starts, though she stops herself quickly, reconsidering her words before she tries again. “We weren’t sure what happened to you. We all wanted to look for you, but we didn’t know where you were.”
“Me neither. Not sure how I came out like this, either.”
She changes the subject quickly, getting up to make Steve some food and refill his glass of water. They don’t really say much as Steve eats his sandwich, Pepper leaving him alone in the kitchen for a few minutes. He wonders if she’s calling someone, maybe sending an Avengers-wide text to let them know what’s going on.
When she comes back, she hands him a pile of clean clothes and tells him to go get changed before they continue talking. He’s suddenly very aware of the uncomfortable suit he’s wearing and takes the jeans and t-shirt gratefully.
There are so many things he wants to ask, so many questions he wants answers to, but when he comes back to the kitchen, only two words come out. “How long?”
Pepper nods in understanding and gestures for him to take a seat. “Over a year.”
Steve doesn’t know if he should be relieved or not. A year isn’t that long; it’s shorter than sixty-six, that’s for certain. But his heart clenches anyway, his breath coming out short.
“Where’s everyone?” he asks to distract himself. He doesn’t want to think of all the things he’s missed or all the pain his absence may have caused.
“Uhm, everyone is kind of all over. Bruce is in California, so is Scott. Rhodey is in DC and Pete is back in Queens. Clint moved back to the farm after everything. Last I heard, Sam was down in Louisiana with his sister, but he comes up to New York a lot, mostly to see James.”
Steve tries to ignore the way his stomach twists at the simple mention of Bucky, but he can’t control it. Ever since he was a kid, just hearing Bucky’s name has had this effect on him.
“Do you think you could tell me where to find him?” he asks gingerly.
“Who, James? Of course. You can take one of Tony’s cars and go, if you’d like. But Maybe you should give him a call before leaving?”
Steve considers it, wondering if it’s a good idea. Would Bucky be happy to hear from him or would he be angry? If Steve had to guess, he’d say Bucky is going to be mad, but he should still try. Maybe Bucky will surprise him.
He gives Pepper a nod and murmurs a small “yeah”, prompting her to get up and get her phone in the living room.
“Here, I’ll leave you to it. Come find me in the garage when you’re done.”
Steve thanks her, though he doesn’t look up from the phone in his hand. The screen is already displaying Bucky’s contact information, a picture of him staring at Steve almost mockingly.
It takes him a while to gather up the courage to press the call button and he almost hangs up as the first dial tone rings out. He forces himself to take a deep breath and tries to relax, but the call connects pretty quickly and the panic is back tenfold.
“Hey, Pepper,” Bucky says, his voice a little gruff. Steve wants to cry just hearing these two words. “Everything okay?”
“Hey, Buck,” Steve chokes out, the words barely above a whisper, but the sharp inhale on the other hand tells Steve that Bucky knows exactly who he’s talking to.
“No.”
Before Steve can say anything else, the call disconnects, confirming Steve’s assumption. Bucky is mad. Steve can’t blame him.
Tears start welling up in his eyes, but he forces them away. He’s not going to cry, not now.
It takes a few more minutes for him to stand up, tucking the phone in his pocket before he makes his way to the garage.
Pepper is waiting there, a white sheet in her hands that she’s probably just pulled off of the slick BMW that’s right in front of her. She looks up at Steve, her smile dimming a little when she sees the look in his eyes, though she tries to look supportive.
“He’ll come around,” she tells him, handing him the keys. “He’s just hurt.”
“I know,” Steve says, and he does. He does, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.
Two and a half hours later, Steve parks in front of an apartment building in Red Hook. It looks exactly like somewhere Bucky would live and Steve breathes a little easier that Bucky finally got to come back to New York.
The door opens before Steve can ring the bell with Bucky’s name on it. For a second, he debates pressing it anyway, but he knows Bucky wouldn’t buzz him in. Just before the door closes, Steve reaches out for it and pulls it open.
He wants to take the stairs to the fifth floor, wants to delay this for as long as he can, but he knows this body wouldn’t let him walk up more than two floors. With a sigh, he gets in the elevator and less than a minute later, he’s standing in front of Bucky’s door.
Voices can be heard from the hallway, but Steve can’t make out the words. He wishes he still had superhuman hearing so he could listen in on the conversation Bucky is having.
With a trembling hand, Steve knocks on the door, holding his breath when he hears movement on the other side.
He was prepared for Bucky to close the door in his face the second he realized he was facing Steve, but he didn’t think he’d find himself in front of Sam. Bucky is somewhere deeper in the apartment that Steve can’t see, but he can hear him when he calls for Sam to come back in and finish this conversation.
“Sam,” Steve breathes out almost reverently. He’s so glad to see his friend.
The man doesn’t say anything, but he urges Steve in, gesturing towards the living room. Steve waits for Sam to lead the way, following him into the apartment. He stops in his tracks the second his eyes fall onto Bucky.
It’s hard to believe only a year has passed. Bucky looks good, he always does, but he also looks tired. Exhausted, really. There are bags under his eyes, lines on his face that weren’t there before. His hair is short, shorter than Steve has ever seen. It suits him, but something inside of Steve cracks at the sight.
The same something breaks in a thousand pieces when his eyes meet Bucky’s.
Steve has never seen this look in Bucky’s eyes, and if he did, he never thought it would ever be directed at him. There’s so much pain in there, so much betrayal and anger. It takes Steve’s breath away for a minute, breaks his heart in a million pieces.
The expression is quickly replaced by concern when Bucky seems to actually look at Steve, his eyes analyzing Steve’s form slowly. There’s a deep furrow between Bucky’s eyebrows, like he’s trying to reconcile the Steve that disappeared in front of him all those months ago with the man who’s standing in front of him right now.
“What happened?” Sam asks, breaking the silence.
Steve jumps a little, surprised by the sound. He’d been so focused on Bucky he almost forgot Sam was here at all. He should feel bad, but he can’t focus on anything other than Bucky right now.
“I don’t know,” he says earnestly. God, does he wish he knew.
Bucky scoffs at the words, twisting the proverbial knife into Steve’s proverbial wound. He never thought Bucky would think of him as a liar.
“I don’t!” he insists, looking back at Bucky, a pleading look in his eyes. “I returned the Stones, as planned, but something happened on the way back here. I don’t know what and I don’t know why. But I can tell you I didn’t do this on purpose.”
He gestures down at his body, trying to get his point across.
Sam might not understand, but he’s hoping Bucky will. After all, his friend knows exactly how Steve feels about his old body. He’d been right by Steve’s bedside when Steve caught pneumonia, each and every time. He’d watched Steve fight his body every day to try and get out of bed and keep his job. No one knows how much Steve has always despised this body better than Bucky.
“Pepper is sending your suit to Bruce. He and Pym are gonna take a look at it and try to find out what happened,” Sam says, looking down at this phone. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“We’ll figure out what happened,” Sam assures him, a hand finding Steve’s shoulder and squeezing softly. “I promise.”
“Thank you.”
The room falls silent after that, the tension palpable. Bucky hasn’t looked at Steve for over five minutes and Steve is trying not to stare, but it’s hard.
There are so many things he wants to say, so many things he wishes he could tell Bucky, but nothing is willing to come out. Nothing except for one word.
“Buck,” Steve pleads, his voice cracking on the word.
“No,” he answers softly, just like he had earlier on the phone, shaking his head.
“I know you’re mad, but please–”
“You left,” Bucky yells, his voice echoing loudly through the room. “You said you’d be right back and you weren’t.”
Sam looks between the two of them for a second before nodding to Steve in sympathy. Without another word, he walks out of the room, leaving Steve alone with Bucky.
“I wish I could tell you what happened. I wish I knew.”
“It’s been months, Steve. Over a year thinking you abandoned me.”
“Buck,” Steve murmurs, the word getting caught in his throat and it barely makes it out, but Steve forces it to, forces it to come to life, to fill the space between them. “You gotta know I’d never leave you.”
“But you did,” Bucky presses, voice harsh. “You did, Steve.”
“Not on purpose. God, never on purpose.”
“I thought…” Bucky trails off, letting the words hang in the air, wrapping around Steve’s heart and squeezing. “I thought you didn’t… maybe I wasn’t enough.”
Steve closes the distance.
“You’ll always be more than enough. You’ll always be the only thing I need.”
A broken sound escapes Bucky’s mouth and he reaches for Steve, pulling him in to his chest.
“I’m sorry,” Steve murmurs, his arms wrapping around Bucky’s waist. Bucky is holding Steve tight, one hand on the back of his neck, the other pressing in between his shoulder blades. Steve hasn’t been held like this since before Bucky left for the war. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Bucky mumbles against his hair, his face pressed against Steve’s head. He can feel Bucky’s tears on his scalps, can feel the way Bucky’s body is slightly shaking against his.
The next few days are spent on the phone with Nick Fury or on video calls with Bruce, Pym and Scott as they analyze the suit.
Fury advises Steve to lay low, but also figures that, as the world thinks Steve Rogers died during the battle with Thanos, he’s kind of free to do whatever he wants to do. It’s a blessing and a curse.
Bucky insists on going out at least once a day, either to get food or simply just to go on a walk. Steve hates it, back in a body that gets tired way too quickly, but he knows Bucky’s right – he can’t stay inside all day and wallow. They’ll figure out what went wrong soon and maybe they’ll even be able to reverse whatever happened.
Steve tries not to get his hopes up, but he can’t help the little flicker that still burns deep inside of him.
They end up in Midtown one day, just a few blocks away from Broadway. They just had lunch at one of Steve’s favorite places, a little hole in the wall that he’d go to when he lived at the Tower. It’s been a long time since Steve’s been here, and it breaks his heart a little that no one recognizes him. He tells himself it’s better this way, at least for now.
They’re making their way to the subway when Steve catches sight of a poster. It takes him a second to understand what he’s looking at, but the second he does, he stops in his tracks. Bucky bumps into him, not ready for the sudden stop.
“What is this?” Steve asks, pointing towards the poster.
A chuckle escapes Bucky when he sees it, one arm wrapping around Steve’s shoulder.
“That, my dear Steve, is a musical,” he says easily, his voice full of humor.
“I can see that, Bucky. What I mean is, why the fuck is there a musical about me?”
“Oh that!” Bucky answers mirthfully. “It’s just more propaganda, I guess. It opened on Broadway just a few months ago. Sam tried to drag me, but I refused to go.”
“Can’t think of why,” Steve says, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Maybe we should go together though.”
Steve almost gets whiplash with how fast he turns to face Bucky, but he doesn’t care. He can’t tell if Bucky is joking, but when he looks at him, he knows the man is one hundred percent serious.
“Absolutely not,” he says fervently. He refuses to sit and watch actors play out his life, singing about some traumatic event he actually went through and probably getting it all wrong. Absolutely nothing about it sounds fun.
“Come on!”
“Bucky, no,” Steve insists.
“Please?” The look he’s giving Steve, pitiful eyes and pouty lips, makes it impossible for Steve to say no. Bucky knows exactly what he’s doing.
“Ugh, fine. But you owe me.”
“Like hell I do.”
“You’re lucky I love you.”
Bucky lets out a laugh, the sound happy and carefree, and it’s music to Steve’s ears. Steve would do anything for Bucky if that means hearing this sound day after day.
When the first scene starts and the person playing Steve Rogers before the serum breaks out in a song about the hardships of growing up in Depression, Steve knows he’s not going to have a good time.
The whole thing is so whitewashed it’s almost unrecognizable, his life manipulated to make it seem so wholesome. Bucky isn’t mentioned once in the first act, barely even a side character in the second.
Steve tries to not let it bother him and when he turns to face Bucky, he completely lets it go.
Bucky’s smiling so wide it looks painful. It looks like he’s holding back actual laughter and when he feels Steve’s eyes on him, he turns to face him. There’s a sort of joy in his eyes that Steve hasn’t seen since 1942 and it takes his breath away.
He pulls Bucky in a kiss and he wants to make it last, wants to make it deep and intimate, but he forces himself to pull away. Bucky gives him another peck on the lips before turning back to the stage, where musical-Steve is getting ready to punch Hitler in the face.
It reminds Steve of his time in the USO, takes him back to a stage he never wants to be on again, performing for people who don’t know who he is or what he did to get there. He wishes he had Bucky by his side back then, instead of being on his own, wondering every day if today was the day they’d get word Bucky was killed in combat.
Steve pushes the thought away, pushes the feelings down, deep down, and focuses back on the musical.
The lights come on for intermission and Steve gets up, ready to leave and never come back. He goes to grab his jacket, but Bucky's hand stops his movement.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, a smirk pulling at one corner of his mouth and a devious look in his eyes. Steve has seen this look on Bucky many times, and he knows nothing good ever follows.
“Home,” he says anyway, pulling away from Bucky’s grip.
“No, you’re not.”
“This is the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time.”
“Oh absolutely, it’s horrible. But it’s also fun!”
Steve considers Bucky for a second, looks at him and takes in his relaxed stance, his happy grin, and his smiling eyes. It’s been a long time since Steve has seen Bucky this carefree, this unbothered, and he has to admit he loves it. He thinks it might have been some time in the forties, before talks of war, before the reality of it.
After everything they’ve been through, maybe this is the least Steve can do. After having their time together stolen time and time again, maybe this is what they need.
With a nod and a little laugh, Steve sits back down. He shakes his head at the ridiculousness of this whole situation and looks back at Bucky.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”
“You know I am, baby,” Bucky says softly, leaning to press his lips against Steve’s cheek.
Steve can feel blood rush to the surface, can feel his skin heat up with a blush. Bucky always managed to turn Steve into a flushed mess.
When the lights dim again and the musical resumes, Steve tries to enjoy it. With Bucky’s hand on his leg and their shoulders pressed together, it’s actually pretty easy to.
When the show ends and Bucky looks at Steve with so much love and adoration, it’s easy to take his hand and take him home.
After years of being apart, years of trying to figure out how to live their lives together the way they’ve always wanted to, they finally have a place to call home. There is nothing else Steve wants.
It doesn’t matter how he got here, all that matters is that he is.
All that matters is that he’s here with Bucky, just like they always wanted.