Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Summer break had already begun a week ago when the last teachers finally left.

Minerva said she wanted to visit one of her cousins in Bristol, Flitwick had decided on escaping the worst part of the heat by spending the summer months in Iceland and Slughorn was eager to meet as many of his former students as he could.

“Need to use the chance now.”, he had told Gellert. “Not even Dumbledore himself can stop them from attacking the castle apparently, so I might as well take the risk and leave Hogwarts for a while. Gwenog Jones, one of my most talented students, Captain of the Holiday Harpers as you surely know, has invited me into her summer house, brilliant mind, really, still sends me crystalized pineapples from time to time, my favorite of course…”

Gellert had only nodded and refrained from responding that he hoped that Horace would stay as long as he could. It would have sounded too sarcastic, even for him.

Trelawney was the last one to depart, apparently heading for the German black forest to train her third eye. This time he hadn’t been able to hold himself back and had asked how she intended to train something that wasn’t there, which had gotten him an angry glare from Albus. Not that, that hypocrite hadn’t snorted with laughter the moment she had left his office.

After that, the only ones remaining were him, Albus, and the ghosts. At first, it had been strange to find the corridors so empty or to be only in two when eating in the Great Hall. But he had gotten used to it quite quickly and taken a great liking to the fact that they didn’t need to hide anymore.

He could hold Albus' hand and kiss him whenever he wanted without fearing to be seen by curious students or teachers. Not that it would have bothered one of them to announce that they were in a relationship with a man. Gellert and Albus as well would have done so in a heartbeat, if it weren’t for his fake identity and Albus' status as a public figure. It would simply be too risky to make their relationship public. The attention would shift to him and if people started to dig and found out that Averill Bancroft didn’t exist… His fake identity was good, but finding out about it wasn’t impossible and neither he nor Albus were willing to take that chance.

All in all, their routine hadn’t changed much. They spent most of their day going for walks, playing wizarding chess, and of course (how could it have been any different) with plotting and making strategies to bring Voldemort down along with the rest of his Horcruxes.

Voldemort, who seemed to be anywhere and nowhere at once. Voldemort, who was apparently busy with fortifying and enlarging his army (if the latest rumors about giants leaving their hideouts in Albania were to be trusted). Voldemort, who continued to attack cities and cause havoc in numerous wizarding villages in the countryside. They heard from people who disappeared in the middle of the night, people who were found dead a few days later, the ever so present dark mark looming over their houses. A warning to the rest of them. Don’t get in our way or we will do the same to you.

The Order was working hard to help people to go into hiding while doing their best to not get discovered themselves. They had organized safe houses throughout the country where people could stay for a few weeks, before deciding on their next step. Members of the Order could also use them themselves should the situation get more serious. And that would happen. This was just the beginning of Voldemort’s rise to power. The ministry was to incompetent to notice how Death Eaters infiltrated their ranks, slowly, but surely, gaining more and more control.

For every person they managed to free from the Imperious another two or three fell into Voldemort’s grasp and Scrimgeour refused to cooperate, insisting that the ministry didn’t need the help from the Order, saying that they could very well handle it themselves. Which he doubted since that fool would have probably been killed already if it weren’t for the Order’s work.

It exhausted him sometimes. It exhausted him that Voldemort hung over them like a sword of Damocles, reminding them that their summer at Hogwarts was something that could end at any moment. He and Albus were powerful, maybe even the two most powerful wizards of their time, but they weren’t unbeatable; they weren’t immortal.

And he would never admit it, but a part of him was afraid. He knew much about wars. In some way or another one always lost someone in it. That was the rule. It didn’t matter who you were.

Maybe it was just his paranoia getting the better of him. It had only been a few weeks since he’d almost lost Albus and the image of his lifeless body still haunted him. The shock, the pain, the fear that had struck through him back then, when he’d been convinced that Albus was gone when he’d been convinced that he had lost him…he had never felt something akin to it.

Sometimes he lay awake late at night and pressed his hand to Albus' chest, just to reassure himself that there was a heart beating under his ribcage. Because that meant that the other was alive and with him, that meant that he was here, that everything was fine, that he hadn’t lost him, that they were together and safe. He only ever did it when Albus was already asleep. He didn’t want the other to know. In some way it was silly. He could very much see that Albus lived. It made no sense that feeling Albus' heartbeat reassured him since spending their whole day together should have been more than enough. He was annoyed that it wasn’t. He was annoyed that he needed this, but he couldn’t help it. He only ever fully relaxed, only ever fully believed that Albus was fine when they were in bed, and he felt Albus' heart beating under his fingertips. 

It also helped that Albus' side of the bedroom was so obviously…. well, Albus. No one else would feel the need to produce piles and piles of hideous knitwear in the middle of the summer. Apparently, Albus had needed some kind of outlet, something to distract him from Voldemort and well here they were. Half of their bedroom was covered with scarves and mittens and pullovers and sweaters and socks, most of them with outrageous patterns or color combinations. Albus' knitting stuff seemed to be everywhere and sometimes Gellert wondered what the other planned to do with all this. He could never wear all these things himself and Gellert… well Albus could talk him into many things, but he would rather try to befriend Aberforth before being seen in a pink sweater with glittering red and yellow hearts on it.

“Do you hope that Voldemort will faint from fright when you wear this?”, he asked one cloudy afternoon. They had just decided to take a break since they had spent the whole morning corresponding with the Order and were now sitting in Hogwarts library, snuggled in two very comfortable armchairs, a cup of tea and some sandwiches standing on the little table between them.

Albus who was currently working on a bright neon orange sweater with violet pom poms looked up. “Well, one should never stop hoping.”

Gellert groaned. “No really, at which point in history did you become colorblind, was it more of a process or did it just happen one day?”

The only response he got was a knitting magazine flying in his direction, just narrowly missing his head. “Hah, you still can’t aim, without using your wand.”

“And you are a hypocrite since a certain amount of the socks I made always seems to go missing after a few days.”

“Well, maybe the house elves were sick of seeing these outrageous patterns and decided to quit.”

Another knitting magazine flew in his direction, this time hitting him right in the chest.

“Ok I’ll admit it I tend to have cold feet and well they are quite comfortable.”

Albus grinned. “I know.”

“And besides that, it’s just socks it`s not like people see them.”, he added and ducked his head in order to avoid the third magazine flying in his direction. “By Merlin can you stop that?”

Albus smiled smugly. “If you go on a walk with me?”

Gellert sighed and extended his hand to Albus. “That’s bribery you know?”

“Oh, is it?” Albus asked and beamed at him innocently while taking his hand. “I wasn’t even aware.”

…

The sun was still shining when they got outside, but the heat had gradually died down throughout the day and as they reached the lake Gellert could already see dark clouds forming on the horizon.

He sighed. In the last weeks, it had always rained at least one or two hours a day, not to mention the thunderstorms every evening. It was not that he hated it per se, in fact he used to enjoy bad weather more than most people, but with time it had begun to annoy him a bit. Yes, he liked rain, but he didn’t need it every day. “Is normal summer weather even a thing here?”, he grumbled giving the forming rain clouds an annoyed glare.

Albus chuckled. “July is always quite rainy at Hogwarts; it usually gets better by mid-August.”

Gellert frowned. “Wait so, you spend every summer here?”

“Yes, in fact since I’ve been appointed as a headmaster. Why? What did you expect?”

 Gellert didn’t know what he had expected, but somehow not that. He had thought that Albus was only staying this summer because it was more convenient considering Voldemort’s new rise to power. If he was honest, he had imagined Albus spending his holidays traveling or in one of these fancy summer houses in the countryside. And certainly not…alone? Had he been alone? All the teachers and staff leaving had seemed like some kind of routine like it didn’t happen just this once.

“I’m not sure.”, he found himself saying, shifting to a lighter tone, since he didn’t want the topic to be unnecessarily heavy. “That you are going on beach holidays with Aberforth?”

“Gellert.”

“Albus.”

He sighed. “Ok fine, maybe I thought you had a summerhouse somewhere.”

Suddenly Albus seemed to be very busy inspecting the pebbles under his feet.

“Well…I do. Further down the coast to be precise.”

Gellert groaned. “Wait we could have just avoided all that rain and spent our summer by the sea?”

Albus continued to regard the pebbles, refusing to meet his gaze. “Not exactly, I…. haven’t been there in over 20 years.”

“And why is that?”, he said and then added. “We don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”, since Albus looked so embarrassed and uncomfortable that he regretted having asked in the first place. “Look it's fine we can just forget…”

“No, it’s okay…it’s a legitimate question after all.”, Albus interrupted quietly. “The truth is that I didn’t really think about it when I bought it, you know everyone seemed to have one and I liked the location and all, but….”

“But?”

“Summerhouses aren’t for people like me.”, Albus responded, his gaze still firmly fixed on the ground. “They are made for grill parties and picnics by the sea, they are meant for families with kids playing in the garden, they are for couples who spend a romantic weekend there and I well…. of course, I could have just stayed there on my own, it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it just hurt. The house seemed so empty. I couldn’t stand to stay there longer than two weeks.”

A shadow flickered over Albus' face and suddenly Gellert realized that he had never seen Albus as lonely. Which he wasn’t, or at least it didn’t seem so. There were plenty of people that admired him or asked for his help or advice. He was frequently invited to give speeches at prestigious events or dinners and then there were of course his students, the members of the Order, the Hogwarts staff… But those weren’t people he could share a summer house with or have late-night talks about whatever topic. Those weren’t people that called him out on his excessive consumption of sherbet lemon and hot cocoa. Those weren’t people that knew him.

“Albus look at me.”

It took a while, but then Albus reluctantly met his gaze, those blue eyes so full of uneasiness and embarrassment as if he was expecting that Gellert would tell him that it had been stupid or unreasonable to buy this house and then abandon it and he felt an odd pang in his chest because Albus normally wasn’t so self-conscious.

“I understand.”, Gellert said quietly. “And if you ever want to visit this house again, I would be up for it. I would stay there with you for as long as you’d like.”

Albus looked at him. “Thank you, but I’m afraid the house is probably pretty run down right now. Wouldn’t do much good to spend our summer in a ramshackle hut.” His tone was laced with slight amusement, but his eyes looked rather moist, and he drew a shuddering breath when Gellert reached out to move a strand of loose white hair out of his face.

“I wouldn’t care.”, Gellert said. “I’d stay there for years as long as you’d be by my side.”

“Would you?”

“I would.”, he said and in the next moment, he felt Albus' lips press against his.

The rain began to fall when they were on their way back to the castle and they were soaking wet before they could even think about casting an “Impervious”. But neither of them cared. Because why would he Gellert thought, when alone the feeling of holding Albus' hand made him forget about the rain altogether. As soon as they reached Hogwarts they changed into dry clothes and snuggled on their bed afterward, like they often did on these lazy afternoons when there was nothing to do, despite waiting for it to finally stop pouring. Albus' head lay on Gellert’s chest, their legs were entangled and he gently stroked Albus' hair until the sound of the rain made them both fall asleep.

As Gellert awoke the other side of the bed was cold. Albus must have left some time ago. Probably to get himself one of his awfully oversugared hot cocoas. He always drank one when it rained. Or before he got to bed. Or in the morning. Or when he read. By now his consumption of hot chocolate almost exceeded that of his lemon sherbets. If that was even possible.

He yawned and contemplated sleeping some more, but soon gave up on that idea as he found that it was fruitless. The sound of the rain failed to make him tired any longer and besides he was hungry. Dinner was soon, but getting a small sandwich beforehand surely wouldn’t hurt. He swung himself out of bed, made his way downstairs, and was almost out of the door of Albus' office, one foot already set on the spiraling staircase when something caught his eye. He had nearly walked past it since it just seemed to fit in seamlessly with Albus’ office. But only nearly. It was to big to be overlooked after all.

It was a portrait. Golden framed, hanging directly behind Albus' desk, and in it…no that made no sense. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. Certainly, his eyes were just playing tricks on him. He just needed to get closer, and he would see that it had all just been some optical illusion. But the opposite was true. The closer he got the clearer it became and when he was only a few feet away, he couldn’t deny it any longer. Albus was looking at him out of the portrait, a soft smile on his lips.

"Hello Gellert, nice to see you're feeling better.”

Gellert stared at him because it made no sense. Albus lived. Why would Albus have a headmaster portrait when he was still alive? "What... what... do you mean by that?" he pressed out, his voice sounding more like a confused croak, but the portrait seemed to understand him regardless.

Albus frowned. “You haven’t left your room in the past month? Have you forgotten?”

What was that damned portrait talking about? He didn’t understand. He had left his room, their room to be precise and they’d played chess and had gone for walks and had spent hours in the library making plans on how to stop Voldemort. It made no sense. Nothing made sense. “I…don’t get what you are referring to…me and Albus, the real Albus we went on a walk just this afternoon.”

He was shaking. Why was he shaking?

“I’m so sorry Gel.”, portrait Albus whispered, looking at him with so much compassion that it made him feel uneasy.

“Sorry for what?”, he asked.

“You didn’t deserve to go through that.” There were tears streaming down Albus' face now and they looked so real, Gellert needed to refrain himself from reaching out to wipe them away.

 “What are you talking about?”

Albus let out a little sob. “The potion Gel.”, he whispered. “You were unable to save me.”

“No.”, he said sharply. “You live. We went on a walk today, we ate lunch together, we…”

“Gellert, please. You need to let me go.”, Albus' voice sounded firm now, although there were still tears glistening on his cheeks. “You can’t go on like that, Gellert please.”

“Go on, like what?”, he spat out. “I saved you; this is just some nonsensical nightmare or a stupid hallucination…”

“Gel- “

“SHUT UP, IT ISNT REAL.”

Albus didn’t flinch at the sudden loudness of his voice. The portrait just looked at him knowingly, as if he’d expected a reaction like that. Almost as if it wasn’t the first time, they had this conversation.

“If it isn’t real then tell me where Fawkes is and why you have the Elderwand.”, Albus said quietly.

“I don’t have the Elder…”, Gellert began, but then he looked down and realized what he had been holding in his hand all this time. In fact, he didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed before since his grip on the wand was so tight, that his knuckles stood out white. Why did he have it? It was Albus' wand. Not his. He wouldn’t take it. Except…except if Albus… was….

 The shaking worsened and nausea rolled over him, causing him to double over. He clutched both sides of his head trying to bring himself to breathe evenly because it couldn’t be. Albus couldn’t be…

“No, I saved you.”, he pressed out. “The potion worked. Your hand healed. You…”

“I’m so sorry.”, the portrait repeated and Gellert saw that Albus was sobbing now, pressing his hands against the frame as if he was trying to break out and get to him. But to no avail. Albus remained where he was. “You need to let me go.”

“I can’t.”

“Gellert, please. I died a month ago. You can’t go on like this, you…”

“No, that isn’t true.”, he repeated like a broken record.

The wand in his hand began to vibrate. “I died a month ago.” The words just wouldn’t leave his head. They stuck. They lingered. But they weren’t true. They couldn’t be true.

“You are lying.”, he spat out. “STOP LYING TO ME.”

A red jet of light shot from the Elderwand and hit Albus' desk, causing him to break in two.

“Gellert please…”

“STOP LYING TO ME.”, he yelled and another few bolts of light flew out of his wand, hitting the walls, shelves, and furniture. The couch caught fire, and books skittered across the floor, but he didn’t care, he didn’t really control it either, he just let his magic roam free. He felt his rare power flow through him, and it felt soothing, it made him forget, it felt good to hit things, it felt good to destroy and he noticed that his cheeks were wet, but he didn’t know when or why he had started to cry.

The choked sobs of Albus' portrait were the last things he heard before everything got black.

...

He awoke with a gasp. The rain was still drumming against the window and from time to time he could hear the thunder roar in the distance. Albus' bedside was empty, and he felt a shiver run through his body. “It was just a dream.”, he murmured. “Just a stupid dream.” Albus had probably gone downstairs to fetch himself a mug of that awful hot cocoa he so loved. But the uneasy feeling didn’t leave him, and it didn’t help that Albus had apparently decided to make his side of the bed. The bedspread looked perfectly untouched as well as the pillows and the endless piles of knitted pullovers and socks Albus had stored beside his nightstand were gone.

“Gellert please, I died a month ago.”

The portrait's voice still rang in his head. Nausea swept over him, but he forced himself to keep it together. It had just been a dream. This didn’t mean anything just because Albus had apparently decided to make his bed and move his knitting stuff to another location didn’t mean he was…

“I died a month ago.”

“Shut up it was just a stupid nightmare.”, he hissed, swung himself out of the bed, and made his way downstairs. He would enter that damn office and there would be no portrait and Fawkes would be sleeping on his perch and everything would be normal. But as he reached the door, he found that he couldn’t. He couldn’t open it. His hand hovered right over the door handle, but he couldn’t reach it. Almost as if someone had hexed it. Which was truly ridiculous, since he knew perfectly well that there was no spell in place.

But for some reason, he just continued to stand there.

 The stairs behind him, the door in front of him and he didn’t move an inch.

“This is silly.”, he murmured, but his hand still refused to grab the handle. Maybe he would have stood there forever with his hand reaching for the door and his heart beating faster than it should for seemingly no reason, when someone hadn’t opened the door from the other side, almost pushing it into his face. He felt himself stagger and landed on the stairs with an unceremonious thud.

“Merlin, Gellert are you alright?”

And this voice laced with worry and a spike of amusement was so undoubtedly Albus’ that he embarrassingly felt the urge to weep in relief. But there was no reason for such dramatics. After all, it had just been a stupid nightmare and Albus was here. He was here with a still steaming cup of his awfully hot cocoa in his right hand while the left one was outstretched to him. To his satisfaction, there was no trace of blackness to be found. The potion had worked. He had healed Albus. Everything was alright.

He let out a sigh of relief.

„Gellert? “, Albus asked confused, his hand still outstretched, and he realized only then that he was supposed to take it.

“Thank you.”, he said and let Albus pull him back up, while discreetly letting his own hand wander down to the other wrist in order to feel the reassuring pump of Albus' pulse.

“Are you alright?”, Albus repeated.

He nodded. “Where is your knitting stuff?”

Albus looked at him a strange expression on his face as if he had asked something far more complicated. “I put it in my closet. I thought a bit more tidiness on my side of the room wouldn’t hurt.”

“Makes sense.”, Gellert said slowly and felt incredibly stupid. Hadn’t he just more or less complained about Albus knitting things always occupying his favorite armchair only a few days ago? And now Albus had solved it and he had nothing better to do than to panic…? No, he surely hadn’t panicked. He refused to call it that.

Albus was still looking at him. “You can talk to me, you know.”, he said carefully.

“About what?”

Albus tilted his head. „I don’t know, just in case something is bothering you.”

Did he know? No, he couldn’t. Maybe he suspected something which was fair, he had acted strange enough after all. But he was alright now, wasn’t he? There was no reason to upset Albus with something so silly as this dream. What would he even say? “I dreamed that there was a portrait of you which said that you are dead and then I woke up and wanted to see if it was really there but couldn’t bring myself to enter your office.” That just sounded idiotic.

 “There is nothing I want to talk about.”, he responded. “I was just feeling a bit tired that’s all.”

Albus nodded, his gaze piercing through him, undoubtedly searching for signs of a lie, but if he found any, he didn’t say anything about it.

…

He managed to ban the dream from his thoughts for the rest of the day. They ate dinner and he totally forgot about it when Albus and he got in a discussion about one of the latest articles in “Transfiguration Today” and he was simply to determined to beat Albus during their usual round of wizarding chess to spare a thought to anything else. But later when they were in bed, and everything was quiet he felt how the queasy feeling in his stomach returned. It was dark and all he could think about was that he wouldn’t notice if Albus just died in his sleep. Which was silly of course. The other was perfectly healthy. It was quite unrealistic for him to just drop dead on the spot. But the uneasiness wouldn’t leave him. He tried to distract himself by starring at the ceiling and thinking about how Trelawney was currently in the black forest to train her supposed sight, but somehow it wasn’t as funny as usual, so he retreated to counting back from a hundred in German. Surely that would be enough to keep the thoughts at bay, at least for a while.

“Neunhundertneunundneunzig.”, he thought.

“Neunhundertachtundneunzig.”

“Neunhundertsiebenundneunzig.”

„Neunhundertsechsundneunzig.“

He couldn’t be sure that Albus was alright, could he? Not when counting took all his concentration.

But that was stupid. Because Albus was fine.

“Neunhundertfünfundneunzig.”

“I died a month ago. You need to let me go Gellert.”

He couldn’t forget how the portrait had looked at him. So gentle and sad and unmistakably … Albus.

But the portrait wasn’t Albus. Albus was here.

He was fine.

Gellert took a deep breath.

“Neunhundertvierundneunzig.”

“Neunhundertdreiundneunzig.”

Had Albus fallen asleep yet? He wasn’t sure.

“Neunhundertzweiundneunzig.”

 Everything in him screamed to reach out and press his hand to the other's chest in order to feel his heartbeat. But he didn’t want Albus to find out. It was better to wait, just to be on the safe side.

“Neunhunderteinundneunzig.”

“Gellert?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing? “, Albus' voice sounded drowsy from sleep.

“What do you mean?”, he asked.

“You’ve been staring at the ceiling for at least five minutes now.”

Gellert sighed. “Well, I just can’t sleep.”

It wasn’t a lie, which made him feel better. But it wasn’t the whole truth either.

He felt Albus consider him in the darkness.  “Is there something I can do to help you with that?” His voice was gentle and understanding and for the second time this day, Gellert got the strange impression that Albus knew more than he let on. But he felt to tired to dwell on that now.

“You could hold me?”, he said and Albus shifted closer, carefully putting his arms around him. Gellert nestled his head just under the others shoulder and brought his hand to Albus' chest, so he could feel the steady thuds of Albus' heart. Albus would probably not think to much of it, he mused, not now when they were holding each other. It probably seemed like a normal gesture. He yawned lightly and snuggled closer feeling the uneasiness dissolve and his body relax for the first time this evening.

He didn’t know if he had imagined it, but the last thing he sensed before sleep claimed him were gentle fingers stroking through his hair and a whispered: “I’m here Gel.”

Chapter Text

In the next weeks, Albus couldn’t help but notice that Gellert was acting strange. Not always and not in a way that made it excessively obvious, but still something was off. Every so often Gellert just seemed to disappear. Not long ago Albus had always more or less known where the other was or what he did, but that wasn’t the case anymore. Sometimes he caught himself roaming around Hogwarts checking Gellert’s favourite places one by one just to find that he wasn’t there. When the other then came to his office a few hours later to pick him up for lunch or dinner and Albus questioned his whereabouts he never got a clear answer. Gellert always told some vague story about how he’d been in the library this whole time and Albus just hadn’t seen him or maybe Albus had just passed by when he’d fetched himself a snack in the kitchen or when he had taken a short break in the garden, what a pity they must have narrowly missed each other.

On one side Gellert’s behaviour was slowly driving him insane, but on the other, it worried him. There was something Gellert didn’t tell him, besides the fact that he had nightmares of course. He had never addressed the topic, but after that certain day, he had put his knitting stuff besides his bed again and always made sure that Gellert was awake when he stood up. They needed to talk about it, sooner or later, but he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know how he should tell Gellert that he had awoken that one time when the other had pressed his hand over his heart, didn’t know how he could ever apologize or make up for the damage he had caused. It was all his fault. Gellert had thought he was dead for over an hour and if he hadn’t been so short-sighted if he had just taken the potion when the other had offered it the first time, he could have spared him from that. But of course, he hadn’t known better and had just pulled through with it, fully knowing what that would do to Gellert, blinded by his own self-hatred and considering the stone to important to be destroyed for someone like him when in fact the only thing he should have considered was the well-being of the person he loved. But of course, he had not. He always failed when it came to that, didn’t he?

With more and more time passing the whole thing just seemed to make less and less sense. Gellert had begun to look exhausted when he returned from wherever he had been. His clothes were often wrinkled and dusty and when Albus found him sleeping in the library one afternoon with a cookbook in his lap he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

“Gellert, can you please tell me what’s going on?”

“Merlin can’t one just sleep for once?”

“It’s four in the afternoon and we stayed in bed until eleven.”, Albus said trying to hide his worry under an amused tone. “Surely you can’t be that tired yet?”

He had made sure that they slept extra long today since Gellert had barely been able to keep himself upright, when he’d come back yesterday and had almost dozed off during dinner. And he had checked if Gellert had really slept, he had even put a silencing charm on their room. And Gellert had seemed relaxed in the morning, hadn’t he? So what had happened in those five hours that made him seem so exhausted once again?

“I just thought a quick nap wouldn’t hurt.”, Gellert said and Albus noticed that his clothes were once again full of dust.

“Where have you been?”

Gellert frowned. “What do you mean? I’ve been here the whole time?”

Albus raised his eyebrows. “I think we need to clean the library more often then, judging by your clothes there is more dust in here than one would think.”

“Yeah maybe.”, Gellert said nonchalantly and closed his eyes again.

“Gellert.”

“Albus.”

“I’m worried about you.”, Albus admitted quietly. “Please talk to me?”

“I am talking to you.”

“That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.”

Gellert opened his eyes. “I can’t tell you where I’ve been, but it’s nothing bad, actually the opposite.”

Albus considered him. “Do you promise me that?”

Gellert nodded. “I do and I will tell you eventually. I just need a bit more time.”

“Time for what?”

Gellert smirked. “Soon isn’t now, is it?”

Albus sighed. “Ok, but can you just answer me one thing? Why on earth are you reading a cookbook?”

Gellert snorted. “Oh, come on is that such an absurd thing to do?”

“For you? Definitely. You hate cooking not to mention that you are horrible at it.”, Albus said, a slight grin on his face as he recalled the one time Gellert had tried to make scrambled eggs in their youth and almost set his kitchen on fire.

Gellert yawned. “That’s precisely why I read it. How else am I supposed to improve?”

“So, you try out new recipes every time you disappear or what?”

Gellert looked at him, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “Like I said you’ll find out soon. Any chance you want to play a round of wizarding chess? My brain is overloaded with boring cooking stuff.”

…

Gellert behaviour didn’t change in the next few days. It wasn't uncommon for him to be away for longer periods of time, though now he usually announced when he left and said how long it would approximately take him. This eased Albus' apprehension a bit and with time he was getting better at distracting himself in Gellert's absence.

The morning of his birthday was no different, although he had hoped so. When he awoke the other bedside was empty, besides from a small note on Gellert’s pillow.

“Happy Birthday. Will be back soon. -G”

He tried to ignore the slight disappointment that crept up in him, swung himself out of bed and got ready for the day. Surely Gellert would be back soon, just like he said and if not well... he hadn’t even really celebrated in recent years, so it would be fine. He hadn’t hoped for anything special. It would be enough if Gellert got back for lunch and maybe he could convince him to go on a walk with him later. In any case, he would be totally satisfied with it. Just Gellert being here with him was a greater gift than he could ever imagine.

He ate breakfast in the Great Hall and was already halfway through his oatmeal when the door swung open and Gellert marched in.

“Oh good, there you are.”, Gellert said and took his usual seat beside him, while stealing a piece of toast from his plate.

Albus chuckled lightly. “You are aware that there is a whole tray of toast standing in front of you, are you?”

“I am.”, Gellert responded. “But I love that offended look on your face.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”, Gellert said and stole another slice, while giving Albus a gentle peck on the cheek. “Happy birthday by the way.”

“Thank you. The weather is quite good I wondered if we could go for a walk later? Just our usual round, nothing special.”

Gellert considered him for a moment. “Would it be terribly inconvenient if we did that another time?”

“No, of course not. I need to catch up on some letters of the Order anyways.”, Albus replied and tried to hide the slight hurt in his voice. Somehow, he hadn’t expected Gellert to turn him down on that. They still got on walks every few days after all, so it wasn’t really out of the ordinary, even with Gellert being away from time to time. But he surely had his reasons for declining today and they could still see each other in the evening and play wizarding chess. He didn’t want to make a drama out of it. It wasn’t that big of a deal after all. “When will you be back?”

Gellert looked confused for a moment, but then understanding flickered in his gaze and he looked at Albus utterly surprised. “Do you really think that I would just let you alone on your birthday?”

“Wait…so you aren’t going away?”

“I am.”, Gellert replied, still considering him. “But never without you. What sort of birthday would that be otherwise?”

“Oh.”, Albus said and suddenly felt a bit stupid, since he surely could have figured that out, but then Gellert had been away so often lately, and it was long since he had last celebrated his birthday so he had just assumed that they would keep it simple and hadn’t really thought of… well anything bigger. “Where are we going?”

Gellert grinned and took his hand. “You’ll see that soon enough.”

He didn’t need to pack anything. Their luggage, as well as Fawkes, were already in the entrance hall, waiting for them and then Gellert flicked his wand, and it came flying over to them, Fawkes settled on his shoulder and before he even knew it, they vanished in a bright flame.

…

Albus didn’t know where they were until he heard the sea. Waves smashed against the rocks, seagulls screeched in the distance and the air tasted of salt. He opened his eyes and his breath got stuck in his throat.  He knew this place. He hadn't been here for a long time, but he knew every detail of this beach and when he turned around it would be there, just as he had left it 20 years ago.

Only that the house didn’t look as run-down as he expected it to. In fact, the opposite was true. It looked quite new and well-kept. The shutters were freshly painted in a dark forest green, there was a herb bed in the little garden and the bronze door knocker gleamed in the sun.

And suddenly he realized what Gellert had been doing in all these hours when he’d been nowhere to be found.

“You…you did this for me?”, he whispered and couldn’t help that his eyes got a bit moist, but that could have as well been due to the salty sea air, yeah surely that was the reason.

“No, I did this so Fawkes could get his well-deserved vacation and would stop to set your desk on fire.”, Gellert said which earned him an angry screech from the Phoenix, who had apparently decided that they were better off without him and flew into the blue to explore the coastline.

Gellert didn’t seem to be bothered by it. He just looked at Albus a certain warmth and gentleness in his eyes that only ever seemed to be reserved for him. “Of course, I did it for you, you silly idiot.”, he said quietly and reached out to cup Albus' cheek, his touch sending shivers down Albus’ spine. He was certain that Gellert could hear his heart pounding way to quickly in his chest and suddenly he felt like a lovesick teenager all over again. It was absurd really that Gellert still had this effect on him after all these years, that he could make his breath get stuck in his throat by doing something as simple as touching him.

Gellert leaned in, his lips hovering just an inch over his. “Happy Birthday Albus.”, he murmured and Albus gazed up into these all too familiar eyes, one silver and one blue and then their lips met and the world around him seemed to vanish.

“As much as I enjoy this.”, Gellert said after a while. “I think we ought to get inside. There is something I want to show you.”

“And what is it?”

Gellert chuckled. “I’m not going to spoil the surprise, Albus. You’ll just have to come with me and find out.”

With that, he took Albus' hand and together they walked up to his summerhouse, no, their summerhouse Albus thought and couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement in his stomach. In a way, this felt way more intimate than their chambers at Hogwarts. He loved the castle and it had become his home over the years, but it was also still his workplace. This here was different. This here was something only he and Gellert shared.

Gellert held out the door for him and the first thing he noticed as he stepped through was the slight scent of lavender that seemed to emanate from the whole house. The walnut wooden flooring was polished to perfection and the staircase leading upstairs to the bed and bathroom was now covered in an elegant marine blue carpet. It was a harsh contrast to the last time he’d been here. He had remained on the coast for two weeks then and only provisionally furnished the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. After that, he returned to Hogwarts since he’d been unable to stand it any further. The house had been a constant reminder that he was alone, that there was no one with whom he could share this experience. No family, no partner, just him and empty rooms. It had been easier to return to the castle and forget about this house. It was easier to be alone at Hogwarts. He had work there, a routine that distracted him to a point where he hadn't even noticed his loneliness. But the house felt safe now, homely even, as if Gellert’s presence alone had turned it into a place where he could finally see himself living.

“Thank you.”, he said quietly and let his gaze sweep across the foyer. “This truly looks wonderful.”

Gellert grinned. “Well, you haven’t even seen most of it. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

As Gellert showed him through the house Albus needed to admit that there didn’t seem to be a single detail that wasn’t thoroughly thought through. The living room was covered by several comfortable carpets, each with different colours and patterns, but somehow Gellert had still managed to not make them look odd or out of place. In fact, the opposite was true, they added a certain warmth and cosiness to the room and Albus could very well picture himself sitting in one of the comfortable-looking armchairs, a good book and a cup of hot cocoa in his hand. It was also really interesting to see how Gellert had paid tribute to both of their styles and preferences using darker materials in their dining room, while there seemed to be an endless supply of cushions and covers in their bedroom and Albus couldn’t help but feel touched by that because he knew how annoyed Gellert was by his habit to sleep covered in at least three different blankets. The last room they entered was the small study and library directly next to their bedroom and Albus gasped in surprise because the room seemed to have doubled in size since he’d last been there.

 Geller smiled. “My enlargement charms work quite well, don’t they?”

“They do.”, Albus said taking in the numerous bookshelves and the armchairs that stood directly by the window along with a coffee table, assuring a perfect view over the sea.

“This here still needs some work of course.”, Gellert said pointing to the bookshelves. “As you can see, I’ve only brought a few of my books so far, but I think we can add some whenever we visit. What do you say?”

“Sounds good.”, Albus responded, desperately trying to ignore the lump in his throat. “Whenever we visit.” They could spend their summers here or winter break or the weekends, they would bring books just like Gellert suggested, they would snuggle up on the large couch in their living room, they would grow their own herbs in the garden, they would cook for themselves, and it would be an absolute mess, but he couldn’t have cared less because this would be theirs and only theirs.

“How have you managed to do all this anyways?”, he asked trying to distract Gellert, so he would hopefully have enough time to regain his composure and fight the moisture that had built up in his eyes.

“Well, as you know I’ve always had a knack for permanent transfiguration.”, Gellert said glancing at the bookshelves and armchairs before he turned to him with a smug smile. “Having good taste helps too of course… what…Albus, are you crying?”

“Could be.”, he said, his voice still sounding steady, despite the tears and his vision got all blurry, but then it didn’t matter anymore because Gellert drew him into his arms and he inhaled his familiar scent, trying to put his feelings into words, trying to explain, to define what this meant to him, but he didn’t know how or where to start so he just settled for one sentence and hoped it would be enough.

“I love you.”

…

The sea lay quiet.

Waves washed over their feet, but it didn’t bother them. Now and then they could hear seagulls screeching in the distance.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”, Gellert said quietly and Albus squeezed his hand in response. “It is.” Taking walks at Hogwarts was nice, but somehow it didn’t compare to this. The world seemed quieter here, calmer and Voldemort and his Death Eaters seemed farther away than ever.

His gaze wandered from the water to Gellert beside him and he chuckled as a light breeze ran through the other's hair and made it fall over his eyes.

“I think we need to fix that.”, he murmured and reached out to brush the silvery strands out of Gellert's vision.

“Do we?”

“Yes.”, he said and pushed the last strand away while he found himself thinking that Gellert’s eyes still looked exactly as they did that summer. The same colours, the same shades and patterns, the same amused sparkle and suddenly he felt like he was thrown back in time, far back, far back to another beach and a different coastline.

He remembered a boy with blond wavy hair, sand under his bare feet and craggy rocks rising majestically from the water. They had been so careless. They had strolled along the shore like they owned it, two clever, arrogant boys with the same dream. They'd talked about leaving soon, already planning every stop in detail, unaware that they wouldn't be speaking to each other in less than a month. Unaware that one of them would leave the other behind. Unaware that years would pass before they would meet again. Unaware of how much pain and suffering they would inflict on each other. Unaware, careless, naïve, in love. And maybe that last one was all that counted in the end.

"What are you thinking about?"

„Oh, just about a certain summer and two idiots on a certain beach.”

Gellert chuckled lightly. “You know I wanted to make you some cookies for your birthday, but they were burned so I had to improvise.”

"I'm glad. That was the second-best birthday of my life.”

"And what was the best one?" Gellert asked, now looking directly at him.

"This one, of course. ", Albus responded and pulled him into a kiss.

As the hours progressed Gellert found himself wishing that they could stay here forever. They just sat on the beach, the water glistening in the sun and waves soaking their clothes from time to time. Albus' head lay in his lap, his eyes were closed, his hand outstretched, feeling the sand under his fingertips. The sun illuminated the other's face and Gellert couldn’t help but think that Albus would always be beautiful. No matter that his hair was now white, instead of the vibrant auburn colour it used to have.

No matter how many wrinkles he had.

No matter how old he got.

His hand gently ran through Albus' hair, strands of white between his fingers.

“Do you even know how beautiful, you are?”, he asked softly.

Albus snorted and opened his eyes. Vibrant blue, just like the sea. “There must be something wrong with your sight. Because the last time I looked in a mirror I saw a saggy old man with to many wrinkles to count.”

“I would agree on old.”, Gellert said. “I would also agree on wrinkled, but that doesn’t change anything. To me, you are still as stunning as on the day we first met.”

Albus sat up and looked at him, blush creeping up his cheeks and eyes twinkling in amusement. “Does flattery get you anywhere?”

“Sometimes.”, Gellert responded and leaned slightly closer. They were only inches apart now, Albus' eyes piercing through his, the kinds of eyes one could get lost in, with a colour so full and pure and so much love in them, that his breath got stuck in his throat. And in that moment Gellert wanted nothing more than to kiss Albus silly. And maybe…maybe he did do just that.

It was already evening when they got back. The sun painted the sea fiery red, and they watched as it slowly sank into the water. The first stars appeared, and he wished this moment would never end. He wanted to hold onto Albus' hand forever.

“Do you think we should set up some protection spells during the night?”, Albus asked after a while. His voice was reluctant and Gellert understood him perfectly. He had forgotten about it too. In those few hours they’d been here it had almost seemed as if Voldemort had never existed at all.

 But they couldn’t afford to forget.

“I think we should.”, he responded. “Just in case. Can you set them up? I still need to prepare something.”

Albus looked at him curiously. “You aren’t going to tell me, are you?”

Gellert grinned. “Well, let’s say I didn’t read that cookbook for nothing.

…

It didn’t take long for him to set up protective wards. In a way, it had almost become a routine now. A few effortless flickers of his wand and the house as well as its direct surroundings were untraceable and safe from any unwanted access. He tested his wards a few times, checking for eventual weaknesses, but there were none.

No one would find them here unless they wanted them to.

As he entered the house Gellert was rummaging in the kitchen so he decided that it would be a good time to unpack their stuff. Gellert had really thought of everything. He found his robes neatly folded beside his knitting stuff and their research papers about Horcruxes. He even found a small supply of extra sherbet lemons. Which was good since he had almost run out of his.

They would probably just stay for a week or so, but it still felt good to distribute their things in the house. The thought of them finally having their own little hideout made a warm feeling spread through his stomach. He put their clothes away first and then moved on to the bathroom and the library sorting the books after topic and author before he finally settled down in the living room, where Fawkes already awaited him, sitting on his perch. The phoenix screeched happily and flew over to settle down on his shoulder.

Albus chuckled. “Looks like someone has missed me. Did you enjoy exploring the coastline, yes?

Fawkes screeched another time and Albus summoned the newest copy of the Daily Prophet with a wave of his hand. He could as well catch up on some news while Gellert was making dinner.

 It was the same bullshit as always. The ministry claimed that they had everything under control, rumours about Voldemort’s whereabouts, an interview with Rufus Scrimgeour… “The ministry is currently doing everything in its might. Speculations about it being unreliable and infiltrated by spies are simply untrue. I can assure you that the general public…”

Albus snorted.

“What has he said this time?”, Gellert asked, slightly startling him as he appeared in the doorway.

“Who? Scrimgeour?”

“Well obviously since you are looking like you want to laugh and hit someone at the same time.”

Albus sighed. “It’s just the usual bullshit about the ministry being perfectly safe. If he continues like this, it won’t be a month until Voldemort takes over. He has written me yesterday, still wants Harry to play poster boy for them.”

“Well, he’s an idiot.”. Gellert said. “And now forget about it, that amateur of a minister isn’t going to ruin dinner.”

“What have you made?”

“You’ll see.”, Gellert responded and led him into the dining room.

As soon as they had taken their seats, Gellert made a swift movement with his hand and suddenly plates appeared in front of them. On them was a dish Albus had never seen before. It seemed to be a rather peculiar looking… pastry? Was that the correct term? He wasn’t entirely sure. It was flat and from what he could tell seemed to be made of several small golden brown dough strips that were loosely intertwined. But despite its strange look, he couldn’t help but admit that it smelled absolutely delicious.

“What is this?”, he asked curiously.

“Strauben.”, Gellert said. “An Austrian dessert. Mostly eaten at special occasions so I thought it fitted well.”

Gellert waved his hand another time and three little jars appeared beside each of their plates, filled with apple sauce, whipped cream and ultimately vanilla ice.

“In my opinion, it tastes best with apple sauce, but I think you’ll prefer the ice cream.”, Gellert said looking at Albus expectantly as he cut off his first piece and put a bit of vanilla ice on it.

As he took his first bite, he needed to admit that the Strauben just tasted as good as they smelled. The taste reminded him a bit of a pancake, but it was still different, sweeter somehow and also a bit crunchier.

“Do you like it?”, Gellert asked, and he tried not to show it, but Albus could tell that he was actually nervous.

Albus smiled at him. “One of the best desserts I’ve ever tried. I’m afraid you need to make them more often.”

 “You know Strauben were actually my favourite as a child.”

“Thank you for sharing them with me.”, Albus said softly. Gellert had never been very outspoken, about his childhood. He avoided that certain topic whenever he could and the bits and pieces of information, he´d given Albus were scarce. Sharing something like this with him, even if it was just his favourite meal was special. It was a matter of vulnerability. A matter of trust. „I appreciate it. I really do.”

“You´re welcome. “, Gellert responded and finally took a bite of his own plate. “You know I´ve missed…”

But he didn’t come any further. Suddenly his body seemed to stiffen and the fork he’d been holding landed on the floor with a clattering sound.

Redness climbed up his face like some sort of rash, his eyes turned inwards and finally, he fell sideways off the chair.

„Gellert? “, Albus rushed to his side.

He knew what that was. He knew how it looked like when Gellert had visions. He knew there were different types and stages, knew that this was one of the more intense ones, which were quite common to occur after a longer period of no seeing. And Gellert hadn’t had any visions in the past weeks, there had been nothing, not even slight glimpses, or something the like, which was quite unusual for him.

Albus had only seen Gellert experience this twice, but he still knew what to do.

He knew what to do, but somehow his hands were still shaking as he positioned Gellert’s head in his lap to stop him from choking. He knew what to do, but his heart still seemed to spring out of his chest as he held Gellert’s arms in a firm grip, so he wouldn’t accidentally hurt himself.

Apart from that he could only wait. Wait and hope that it would be over soon.

Gellert spasmed beneath him and from time to time he made some unintelligible noise. Albus could hear scraps of words and sentences whose context he didn't understand, and he couldn't do anything but hold on to the other's body.  And then, as suddenly as the vision had come, it was gone. Gellert's body went still and Gellert slowly opened his eyes.

"Al-...Albus?“, Gellert choked out, but he didn’t get any further because a coughing fit shook through him.

 “Are you alright, Gel?”

“Water, please.”

He nodded and one of the glasses from the table sprung to his hand with such force, that he spilt half of its contents over Gellert.

“Apologies.”

“Well, I wanted to take a bath today anyway.”, Gellert responded weakly, but there was a tinge of amusement in his voice which made Albus feel relieved. It couldn’t be so bad then, could it?

Another coughing fit shook through the other.

“Here.”, he said and quickly brought the glass to Gellert’s lips.  After a few gulps the coughs seemed to subside.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”, Albus replied gently. “I think its best if we get you to bed, you should rest a little. Is it alright if I apparate us upstairs?”

Gellert nodded faintly and Albus grabbed his hand. A second later they landed on their bed and Albus made himself busy with propping pillows behind Gellert and wrapping the covers around him, making sure that he had it warm and comfortable. The other still looked almost horrendously pale as he lay there, his breathing still to ragged for Albus' liking.

“Try to sleep a bit, I’m going to brew you a pepper-up potion.”, he said quietly, but before he could stand up Gellert grabbed his wrist.

“I’m fine. There is no need to make such a fuss about it. I…I’d rather... have you here with me.”, Gellert said without looking at him and Albus understood.

“What about I wait with making the potion until you fall asleep?”, he offered and Gellert nodded faintly.

“Alright.”

“Do you want me to hold you?” Another faint nod and he climbed into the bed and carefully, very carefully nestled behind the other, not wanting to hurt him in his weakened state.

He put one arm around Gellert’s torso, paying attention that he didn’t hold him too tight and gently combed through his hair with the other.  

“I should tell you what I saw.”, Gellert rasped. His voice sounded strained from speaking, a slight cough running through him again.

“Not now, you should rest first.”, Albus murmured and placed a gentle kiss on Gellert’s temple. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can also figure it out tomorrow.”

The fact that Gellert didn’t protest, but only snuggled closer spoke volumes about how exhausted he must feel. It didn’t take long until Albus saw how his eyelids fluttered shut and Gellert drifted off to sleep in his arms.

…

When Gellert awoke it was still dark outside. He could feel the familiar warmth of Albus' body beside his and almost out of instinct he crept closer, entangling their legs and adjusting their position until he could feel Albus' heartbeat through his nightshirt.

“Gel are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel better?” Albus asked worry still evident in his voice.

“I do.”, he said, and it was the truth. He still felt a bit weak, but definitely better than before.

Albus exhaled, seemingly relieved. “I´m glad.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

“It's not your fault, you can’t control it.”

“But still, that damn vision couldn’t come tomorrow, couldn’t it? I didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

Albus shook his head and gently ran his thumb over his cheek. “You haven’t. It was perfect. Just everything. To know that you did this just for me…” He faltered. “I thought I would never have something like this.”

Gellert pressed a light kiss to Albus' knuckles.“But you do.”

“Yes.”, Albus said quietly, and his voice shook a little, barely noticeable to anyone but him.

“I’ve put the potion on your nightstand by the way, I think you should take it, you are going to need your strength.”

Gellert nodded and called the small vial over to him with a swift movement of his hand, swallowing it all in one go, grimacing at the peppery taste. “Why do medical potions always have to taste so awful?”

“I don’t know.”, Albus murmured, already sounding half asleep again and Gellert pulled him back into his embrace and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“Good night, Al.”

They remained like that, just holding each other, their legs entangled and hearts beating in unison. It was peaceful, maybe one of the last peaceful moments they´d get before it would start. He´d seen it. The first fight was just ahead of them, and they couldn’t avoid it.

He knew he needed to tell Albus what he saw, but, as the other said, there was still time tomorrow. He couldn’t bear to do it now, not when Albus was here, in his arms, his whole body relaxing against his like there was no other care in the world. He didn’t want their summer to end just yet. He wanted to give them at least one last night. One last night they would have just for them, without needing to worry about what was to come.

Chapter Text

When the morning came Gellert needed to admit that the potion had undoubtedly been good for him. The exhaustion that had weighed him down had lessened, albeit his limbs still felt shaky when he pushed himself up in order to let the owl in who had just knocked on their bedroom window, carrying a copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Albus, do you have some knuts?”

“In my nightstand.”, Albus said yawning and the owl let out an angry screech since it took him longer than two seconds to summon the money.

“Stupid bird.”, he murmured and let the knuts fall into the small leather sac attached to the owl's left leg.

That got him another angry screech and even an attempt to pick at his hand, but his reflexes were still quick enough, and he managed to grab the Daily Prophet and shut the window right in the owl’s face.

“Hah, I won.”

Albus looked at him, eyebrows raised. “Uhm congratulations?”

“Thank you.”, Gellert said nonchalantly and glanced at the paper in his hand. It was the usual rubbish.

Why Scrimgeour will keep Britain safe – report by M. Amerinus on page 5

FIVE TIPS TO RECOGNIZE A DEATH EATER – read the full article on page 11

THICKNESSE: “The ministry stands united and strong” – read the full interview on pages 13 and 15

Gellert snorted and tossed Albus the paper. “At this point, we need to be one of their most faithful readers for every sane person would have cancelled their abonnement by now.”

“Well, you know that I would gladly do the same, but it’s important to know what our enemy is up to... oh look an advertisement for chocolate frogs – the joy of the best taste, not very witty, but still more enjoyable to read than the whole rest…” Albus put down the paper and looked at him. “Speaking of which, do you want breakfast?”

...

Half an hour later Gellert found himself sitting in the dining room. Plates with toast, scrambled eggs sausages, jams, and the rest of their Strauben from yesterday were already on the table, while Albus was still in the kitchen preparing some of his over-sugared oatmeal, at least judging by the smell.

He had never understood how one could eat that for breakfast, but Albus enjoyed it immensely, of course, he did, since it was just as sweet as that awfully hot cocoa he so loved.

He sighed and reached for one of the toasts buttering it before putting a slice of cheese on top. He wasn’t even that hungry to begin with, but he knew that it was probably better to eat something considering that they’d need all their strength to evolve a proper strategy regarding the contents of his visions. He also didn’t want Albus to worry.  Not only because of yesterday. The other had never said it explicitly, but he had still noticed his looks in the first weeks after his escape. Meals at Nurmengard had often only consisted of thin soup and a small piece of bread and so he had been quite weak and thin when Albus had freed him. He knew that the other blamed himself for it, at least partly. Like he did for everything probably.

At least he’d slowly begun to make peace with what had happened to Ariana. He had noticed small changes in Albus since the incident barely a month ago. He had claimed to have spoken to her as he’d been hanging between life and death and Gellert still didn’t know what to make of that, but he couldn’t deny that it had helped. The self-hatred and guilt that had often clouded Albus' face seemed to have lessened and almost disappeared as a whole when the other had a good day.

Gellert liked to see him like that. At ease with himself, content, happy.

In these moments, he hated Voldemort more than anything. He wanted to stay here in this house forever. He wanted to go for beach walks while holding Albus' hand, he wanted to kiss Albus whenever he liked just to see that smile, that damn smile that had been both his doom and salvation. He didn’t want to worry about people disappearing and dying, Dementors roaming free, the ministry infiltrated with spies, the horcruxes... He didn’t want to worry about Voldemort. But he had to. No, they had to. It was the right thing to do, but he hated it. He hated that Voldemort was taking away their time. Hours, minutes, moments, and seconds they could have spent with something better than plotting and making strategies. Not that he didn’t enjoy that. He got to be with Albus after all and it was a delight to work together with someone who could follow his thought process with ease, who was just as brilliant and powerful as him, who came up with ideas even he hadn’t thought about. He knew that was what had drawn him to Albus initially. Back in that summer finding an equal had been like finding water in an endless desert, like finding a beacon of light in an all-encompassing darkness.

And it still felt the same now. After all this time Albus never ceased to have this effect on him. After all this time it was still him, ever only him and sometimes he was almost frightened by the amount of love he felt for the other, by the things he would do just to ensure that Albus was okay.

Because deep down he knew he would do anything, anything at all, no matter how ugly or twisted, no matter the consequences, to bring them through the upcoming war and guarantee Albus safety. He wouldn’t lose the other. Not again.

The rummaging in the kitchen stopped and the disgustingly sweet smell emanating into the dining room told him that Albus finished making his over-sugared oatmeal monstrosity.

Albeit his mood lightened a bit when the other entered the room, not only with his oatmeal but with two floating cups of coffee as well.

“You are drinking coffee?”, he asked surprised.

“Well, I figured we both could do with a bit of extra energy today.”, Albus said, taking a seat, one of the cups settling beside his plate, while the other flew over to Gellert who caught it in mid-air.

“I can only stand it with milk and sugar though.”

“I would never have guessed.”, Gellert murmured and Albus chuckled lightly.

“So, tell me.”

“About what?”

 “About your vision of course.”

Gellert sighed. Somehow, he had hoped that they didn’t need to discuss it now, that maybe they could have breakfast first and ignore Voldemort a little longer. But Albus was right of course. Now was as good time as any.

“They’ll know.”, he said, getting straight to the point. “I’ve seen different scenarios of it. Different days, different times, they always knew.”

“So, it will come to a fight in any case?”, Albus asked.

“Yes. Our suspicions were correct, Voldemort is observing Harry’s house. Constantly and not only with one or two death eaters as we hoped.”

“And we can’t use magical means to get out of Privet Drive since the ministry keeps track of every trace of magic that goes on in and around the house.”

“Correct.”

“Well.”, Albus said a thoughtful expression on his face. “On one side this makes matters more straightforward and more dangerous of course, but on the other also easier.”

Gellert raised his eyebrows. „So, you want to tell Severus.”

Albus nodded slowly. “His position as a spy has been endangered since he… failed to complete his mission.”

“You mean since I stunned that old bat to refrain him from hitting you with the killing curse.”

Albus sighed. “I assume one could put it like that too.”

He longed over the table and grasped Gellert’s hand. “But I’m very grateful for that.”

Gellert smiled and pressed a light kiss to Albus' knuckles. “Well, I can only say the same.  But does Voldemort trust Severus little enough? Because if he does trust him more than you think he will concentrate all his forces on that one day.”

Albus nodded. “I’m aware of that. But the Order has already begun to spread various false dates throughout the ministry and apparently, the information has already gotten to some of Voldemort's most loyal acolytes. Severus claim will just be one of many, but…”

“It will happen to be the right one, Voldemort will trust him again, but only after and not before so he won’t enhance his troops and it doesn’t really make a difference if we tell him or not.”

Albus smiled slightly. “Well, put. But that still leaves us with one issue.”

“The fight itself.”

“Exactly, did you see anything specific?”

Geller looked at him. “Well not really, it was all a bit vague, but still enough for me to make up a plan that will provide us with the best outcome.”

He leaned back on his chair and grinned. “I mean what if we didn’t have one Harry, but seven?”

Albus considered him. “You are thinking of polyjuice potion?”

“Correct.”

“Well, that certainly would be confusing. If I were a Death Eater, I wouldn’t know which one to pursue. They´d need to split up and that would minimize the risk for everyone.” Albus grinned. “Good job.”

“Thank you, but like I said it's still more of a concept. We´d need to split up in small groups too, I think it's best if everyone flies to a safe place nearby and then…”

“:..takes a Portkey from there.”, Albus said.

“Exactly.”

“This house isn’t that far from Harry's place, right? So maybe it could be one of the safe houses?”, he mused.

Albus nodded. “Sounds like a sensible idea. Tonk's parents also live not that far from here and I believe Ron's aunt Muriel lives in the area as well… anyways we´ll figure it out. I think it´ll be more difficult to choose the seven Harrys and their protectors.”

Gellert nodded. “We should inform the Order as soon as possible.”

“Yes, I’ll send them my patronus and ask for a meeting and I think it would be best if we collect our stuff from Hogwarts since we are now staying longer.”

“I can do that, while you wait for their response.”, Gellert said and rose from his chair. “Do you need anything specific?”

Albus smiled sheepishly. “Well, as you surely know I always keep a good amount of chocolate frogs, lemon sherbets and acid pops in the topmost drawer of my desk.”

…

When Gellert landed at the front gates of Hogwarts he found that it was raining again. Of course.

This was Scotland after all.

He cast a quick “Impervious and made his way to the main entrance. Everything seemed normal. Their protection charms were still untouched and while he doubted that anyone could break through them, he couldn’t help, but feel a bit relieved. At least that meant that they weren’t after them. Not yet.

The castle itself was quiet; the only sounds came from his steps echoing from the walls. Even the ghosts were nowhere to be found. He first got into Albus’ office grabbing a few books that could come in handy along with his beloved sweets. Next, he got into their bedroom. His things were quickly packed, and he was just about to put some of Albus' robes in his bag when he sensed something unusual. He could now clearly see the back panel of Albus' closet and something about it made his fingers tingle. Magic had a language of its own and now that he was looking right at the source, he could sense it quite clearly. There was something else.

He put Albus' robes on their bed, approached the closet and then cautiously tapped the wall with his wand. To his surprise, it began to glow and in the next moment, a hole became visible on his right side. It was small, but still big enough to hide something in there.

Gellert hesitated briefly, but then his curiosity got the better of him.

He couldn't really see where he was reaching, so he just groped around blindly and soon his fingers were closing on something solid. He pulled it out and found that he was holding a dark blue box in his hand. It was already a bit older, considering that the edges were partially worn, but otherwise still seemed to be in good shape.

He shook it. Something rustled inside.

Of course, asking Albus about it would have been the right thing to do, but he was just too impatient for that, to curious. He just couldn’t help it.

He opened the lid and… froze.

On top of a pack of letters lay the remnants of their blood pact.

His hands shook as he reached for it. His fingers traced the all-too-familiar indentations and embellishments, and he found that he still knew every detail by heart. He hadn't thought that Albus had kept it. He'd been sure the remnants of their pact were slumbering somewhere on the ocean floor or in a dump, but he never would have guessed they were here. Not in their bedroom.

He reached for the letters next and wasn’t surprised to see his own handwriting. Part of him had already known when he’d seen the remnants of their blood pact lay on top. The old paper rustled under his fingertips, and he distantly wondered how often Albus had read them.

"Can't wait until we depart. Sincerely yours, Gellert."

He stared at the date 25/08/1899. A day before everything had gone to hell.

26/08/1899

Albus,

I am going to come over in an hour, still need to pack some stuff.

Yours always,

Gellert

He couldn’t bring himself to read any of the others. It was to painful, even now.

He carefully refolded the letter in his hand, making sure not to damage it and then proceeded to grab the whole pack, ready to put them back, when something caught his attention.

One of the letters looked newer than the others. He wouldn't have noticed if it hadn't been at the end of the stack. Maybe he’d even overseen it if weren’t for the yellow tone of the paper which was there, but undoubtedly lighter in comparison to the rest.

This letter wasn’t from him.

He pulled it out and slowly unfolded the paper.

02.11.1946

Gellert,

I’m not sure if I’ll find the courage to send you this in the end, but there is a part of me that thinks that you should get an answer.

It’s actually quite ironic that even after everything it’s still easier to confide in you than in anyone else. Easier because I know that you’ll understand, even if I’m not sure if you care.

I’ll accept if you are angry or hate me for that matter. It’s only natural and I think I would most likely feel the same if our places were revoked. But if you opened this, I’d ask you to read this to the end.

Not for my sake, but for the sake of the boys we once were, because no matter how misguided and wrong I was at that time, I want you to know that what I felt for you was very much real and is still.

I will allow myself to acknowledge that at least while I write this. I want to remember how it feels like to love without being consumed by guilt. I want to feel alive when I do it, and I shall be free by the time you receive this.

I know that I have no right to it. You are imprisoned and I´m out here with my own Chocolate Frog Card and an Order of Merlin I never deserved. I’m not worthy of it nor of the never-ending admiration or praises I’m receiving. I have merely done my duty, but that doesn’t make me a good person. That doesn’t amend what I’ve done, that isn’t enough. Nothing will ever be.

I don’t know how long I can hold appearances up anymore.

I thought it would get better; for I’m used to pretending and acting, but lately I felt myself getting tired of it and for the first time in years I thought of just giving up.

I´ve been thinking of ending things. I´ve been thinking about it a lot more than I´d probably admit. And once this thought arrived it stayed. It sticked. It lingered. It hasn’t gone away, and I don’t have the energy to do something against it. Maybe this is how it was always meant to end. Maybe I deserve all of this.  

I’ll never know if you will read this to the end. Maybe you won’t even open it. Maybe you will throw this letter out of the window and send it flying over the mountains. I wouldn’t blame you. I really wouldn’t.

But if you have read this until here then just know that I never wanted it to end like this. I never wanted to fight or imprison you. But this was never about me. I had to do what was right and I hope that you can forgive me one day. I hope that you´ll find your peace and we will meet again. Because I know there’s more to you than rage and hatred. You proved it to me that summer and I know that this part of you still exists, or I wouldn’t hold your wand in my hand at this very moment.

When you receive this, I won’t be here anymore. But I want you to know that I´ll be waiting for you. Always.

Yours truly,

Albus

Gellert didn’t know how long he stared at the letter and the first thing that came to him was that Albus had been wrong. He didn’t understand.

Nothing.

Not a single sentence.

I´ve been thinking of ending things.

Ending. Things.

The letter blurred before his eyes, but he could still see these two words. He could make them out effortlessly on the yellow-tinged white. It felt like they were mocking him because he’d never thought, never even considered… alone the thought that Albus ever seriously contemplated to… it made him feel sick.

He’d known that it hadn’t been easy for Albus after their duel, but he’d never figured that he would think about means as drastic as…as this. Because it was Albus after all. He was so brilliant and strong, he was… he wouldn’t consider such a thing. And yet Gellert was here with the proof in his hand, and he cursed himself for his own carelessness, for his own hunger for power, for how ignorant he’d been back then. It made him angry, so terribly angry.

Albus didn’t deserve to think something like that. Albus should have never felt so alone and hopeless. He should have never experienced this. He should have never gone through this. And yet he had been there.

And his actions had played a vital part in it, hadn’t they?

He remembered putting the letter back into the box, but after that, everything was a blur.

Surely, he must have packed Albus' things because they were there when he got back to their summerhouse. They lay in his bag neatly folded with the box on top of them.

He hadn’t really planned on taking it with him, but somehow, he hadn’t been able to leave it there either. And it was probably better anyways since it could very well be that they’d need to go into hiding. Having it with them was probably safer. So, he must have grabbed it and then… how did he even get through the front gate?

I´ve been thinking of ending things. The words seemed to be stuck in his head. He couldn’t get rid of them, no matter how hard he tried and maybe he didn’t at all because he turned them over and over in his head as he unpacked their stuff. He analysed every single letter, every syllable desperately searching for another explanation, for a confirmation that this had all just been a huge misunderstanding, for a confirmation that he didn’t get the real meaning because it was just some obscure metaphor, or because he had read to fast or… honestly, he didn’t care. Everything would do. But deep inside him, he knew that he wouldn’t find anything.

So, he concentrated on putting their clothes and books away. Going back and forth between their bedroom and the library. Somehow it calmed him to arrange Albus' closet, somehow it felt good to put away his cloaks and trousers and ridiculous-looking socks. This was his proof that he never did it. He´d gotten better. He´d managed it. He was alright now, and this had surely just been once…

Why did he keep the letter then? asked a nasty little voice inside his head. Why hasn’t he destroyed it? Even a year ago he would only have had to change the date, and it would have still fitted just perfectly. And don’t you think that he gave up a little bit to easily after he learned that he had to die? He didn’t even try to find a way to heal his hand, that was you, all of it. You knew that wasn’t normal, was it?

He took a deep breath. This was ridiculous. There was no reason to panic because of an unsent letter written over 50 years ago. No reason at all. And yet his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

He´d gotten to the shoes now. They came in the same ridiculous neon tones as Albus' socks.

Normally he would have found that fact at least a tad funny, but right now he couldn’t think of anything less amusing.

“You know I can unpack myself, do you? “, Albus leaned in the doorway, smiling at him.

“Can you?”, he responded and desperately tried to give his voice a playful touch, but when he met Albus' gaze he knew that he hadn’t been very convincing.

“Is everything alright Gel?”

He forced himself to smile. “Yes, perfectly fine. I´m just a bit tired that’s all.”

“Maybe that’s still due to the aftereffects of the vision. It’s probably best if you lie down for a bit.”

“Yeah maybe.”, he responded.

Albus nodded and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I´ll be in the library in case you need anything.”

He didn’t feel tired in the slightest. As soon as Albus left the room he pulled the box out of his bag, wrapped it in his least favourite cloak – dark red with small white stars embroidered on the side (if he was honest more Albus style than his) and put it on the bottom of his closet. That would have to do for now, he´d think of a better solution later. Then he grabbed the copy of Beedle the Bard he´d gotten from Albus' personal collection and settled on his side of the bed. He would read for a bit and then join Albus in the library. The old pages rustled under his fingers, and he wondered how many times they had skimmed through them together.

He remembered how Albus used to read to him that summer. How his voice had managed to soothe him, whenever he had one of his more terrifying visions and gently lulled him back to sleep. Even though it wasn’t Albus reading to him right now, the familiarity of the words still made him calm down. Albus had been a good reader. He´d had that certain talent always read at the perfect pace, always made the voices of the different characters sound flawlessly natural so that it felt like they were standing right in front of him. He´d never had that talent. He´d read to Albus a few times and although the other assured him that there was nothing wrong with his voice, he´d still known that it wasn’t nearly as good. Albus could have read the most ridiculous and badly written story out there, and one would still hang on his lips and be enchanted by his words. He had never found another person, who could do that. Not that he would have really tried. A part of him had always known that it was pointless. Even the most skilled reader would just sound mediocre in comparison to Albus.

 He read through three of the tales and had just begun on the fourth one when Albus entered the room, two steaming cups of tea in his hands.

“You aren’t sleeping.”

“I´ve reconsidered.”

“And I´ve made us tea.” He held one of the cups out to him.

“Thank you.”, he said softly.

Albus eyed the book in his lap. “Feeling nostalgic?”

“Maybe a bit.” He put the book on the nightstand. “Have you alerted the Order?”

Albus nodded and sat down on the bed. “I’ve told them about the plan and there are already a few people who agreed to volunteer. Hagrid, Tonks, Lupin, Bill, and Arthur said they´d be the protectors, while Fleur, the Weasley twins, Ron and Hermione agreed to be one of the Harrys. I haven’t gotten a response from Alastor yet, but I´m positive he´ll be up to it. Maybe he´ll also be able to persuade Mundungus to be one of the seven since there is still one place left.”

Gellert frowned. “Actually, two places. We need another protector as well.”

Albus eyed him cautiously. “Yes, actually that’s what I wanted to discuss with you.”

And suddenly Gellert knew what he was going to say.

“No.”, he blurted out. “Forget it.”

Albus sighed. “Gel, I´m the most sensible choice.”

“What about Kingsley?”

“He needs to protect the muggle minister. And I‘m more skilled than him, you know that.”

Gellert shook his head. “I don’t care. They´ll all pursue you first. They´ll think that the real Harry would fly with the most powerful wizard, so they´ll target you the most.” He took Albus' hand in his. “That is just total madness.”

 “This is our best option. I need to go.”

Gellert looked at him. “You are forgetting something. I´m just as powerful as you.”

Albus frowned. “And?”

“Well, I can go in your stead.”

 “Absolutely not, you are still weakened, and someone needs to stay here set up the portkey and make sure that the protective wards remain intact.”

“You can do that as well.”

“Yes, but I know the area. I´d find the way easier than you would.”

“I´m less known they wouldn’t target me as much.”

They glared at each other.

“Albus, I´ll go.”

“I won’t let you.”

“Well, I won’t let you either.”

“Why do you always need to be so stubborn?”

Gellert snorted. “I could ask you the same question.”

Albus sighed and gently ran his thumb over Gellert’s cheek. “One of us needs to go.”, he murmured.

Gellert grabbed his wrist. “But that someone doesn’t have to be you. “

Albus gave him a small smile. “I think talking this through won’t get us anywhere.”

“So, what do you suggest?”

“What about a round of chess? The winner decides who will go.”

Gellert nodded. “Sounds fair.”

Playing against Albus would be tough, but he was optimistic. He was currently five points ahead of the other. Surely, he could easily win another time.

They played for over four hours. Normally they always talked during their games. Not all the time, but there had always been slight bantering and teasing remarks here and there if one of them seemed to be winning or made an especially cunning move. Today was different. The room was enveloped in total silence both to engrossed in their own strategies and tactics, to even think about commenting on the game. It was a close draw. In the end, both of their kings were in danger and maybe he would have been faster if his strategy had just been a tad bolder, just a tad more aggressive. But he hadn’t wanted to risk anything. Not today. And that was the reason he lost. In the end, Albus gave him an apologetic smile and knocked his king over.

“I´m sorry Gel.”

He sighed. “Well, I can’t really complain, can I? But please…”

“Please what?”

Gellert looked at him. “Please just be careful.”

…

Time flew by faster than he had thought. First, it was a week, then five days, then three, two, one and ultimately only half an hour until Albus' departure.

They had thought about everything. The protective spells were set up, Hagrid had repaired his motorcycle and in front of their house grazed a Thestral.

Gellert closed the curtains with a snap of his fingers. The sight of the Thestral only reminded him that Albus would be leaving soon, and he didn't want to think about that now.

He didn’t want to think about anything. He didn’t want to think about Voldemort or his Death Eaters. Or about Albus' lifeless body that still haunted him in his nightmares. Since Albus had revealed that he would play an active part in all this and be one of the protectors they had gotten more frequent again. But so far, he had managed to hide it quite well, albeit there were barely nights where he didn’t wake up, a scream on his lips, he couldn’t let out, because he didn’t want to wake Albus.

He couldn’t tell him. Especially not since the images had begun to mix. Sometimes he saw a much younger Albus, bleeding out on the floor, but doing nothing against it, a relieved smile on his face as the light finally left his eyes. And it was his fault. It was his fault every time.

It was hard to fall asleep again after he had one of those. More often than not he didn’t manage anymore and just lay awake until the first beams of sunlight poured through their bedroom window.

In a way, his behaviour was fairly ridiculous. Albus magical abilities far outstood the ones of every Death Eater out there. It was quite unrealistic for him to get killed or even injured by Voldemort’s followers. He knew that and only some months prior he would have paid no mind to Albus partaking in this plan. Yes, he would have been a bit worried. But he surely not to the extent he was now. And he would have slept through the night without problems.

“Gel, I’m leaving now.” Albus stood in the doorway, wand in hand and already in his travelling cloak. The cloak was almost subtle for someone like Albus, navy blue with golden half-moons embroidered onto it. But not subtle enough for his liking.

“They will make you out from miles away.”, he said. “I think it’s better if you take my cloak.”

Albus sighed but said nothing as he summoned his own simple black travelling cloak and held it out to him. “Here.”

“Thank you Gel.”, Albus said and swapped his cloak with his own. 

“Now about your robes, you can’t wear light blue they are way to…”

“Gellert.”, Albus interrupted him gently. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

Gellert looked at him. “I know, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m not going to let you go until you change into something more subtle.”

Albus considered him a mix of amusement and worry on his face, and it made Gellert question if he’d been to obvious, which wasn’t the case in his opinion, but then that was Albus, and he’d always been able to read him like an open book.

“Look, I just want to be sure that you have as many advantages as possible.”

Albus nodded and to his relief refrained from pointing out that his abilities were already more than enough to bring them back safely. “I know. So, what do you suggest?”

Gellert smirked. “You are not going to like it.” A snap of his fingers and black trousers along with a black turtleneck of his materialized in Albus' arms.

Albus gave him a long look. “Seriously? I’m going to look like a Death Eater.”

“No, you are going to look inconspicuous and now go change.”

Ten minutes later they found themselves in the garden and Gellert needed to admit that he was quite satisfied with himself. Albus was dressed in black from head to toe. It was an unusual sight, but somehow, he couldn’t help but admit that it suited him. Not quite as well as his ridiculous-looking robes, but still it could have been worse.

“And you are sure that you don’t want to do anything about your hair?”

“For the last time Gellert, the cloak has a cape, there is no need to transfigure my hair to black as well.”, Albus said firmly.

Well, at least he had tried. “Alright.”, he said and tried not to look to worried when Albus called the Thestral to him.

In two or three hours everything would be over and Albus would be here again. With him. There was no need to feel anxious.

The Thestral came to stand in front of Albus and looked at him expectantly.

Gellert sighed and reluctantly let go of Albus' hand.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you.”, Albus said. “And don’t worry to much, make yourself a coffee and read a good book. We should also have some sandwiches left.”

He nodded, albeit he knew that he was going to do none of that. He would stand at the window, pocket watch in hand and wait for Albus’ return.

“Alright.”

Albus leaned forward and gave him a gentle peck on the cheek before he finally got on the Thestral and disappeared into the night.

…

The night was clear and quiet as he flew over a seemingly endless landscape consisting of forests and fields with nameless villages and cities occasionally popping up in the darkness.

From time to time, he checked if they were still flying in the right direction, but apart from that, nothing happened. There was just him, the Thestral and the wind howling around them. In moments like these, he was glad that Gellert had lent him his cloak since it was a tad thicker and warmer than his own. He wondered what the other might be doing right now and sincerely hoped that he had made himself comfortable on the couch, maybe with a good book and some snacks. Albeit it would be very much like Gellert to just stubbornly stare at the clock the whole time. Albus couldn’t help but feel a bit worried. Gellert’s behaviour had been a bit overprotective lately. Which was normal for him, at least to a certain amount. For he knew very well that Gellert wouldn’t have insisted on him wearing all black if the whole mission had taken place only a few weeks ago.  It wasn’t like Gellert to be worried to this extent. Not about something like this.

He landed when the first lights of Little Whining came into sight, making sure there were still several streets between him and Privet Drive. It was probably safer this way, considering the danger that awaited them. They were most certainly observing the house and the whole street, just waiting for the right moment to attack.

He put a concealment charm around him and the Thestral and started walking. It was an ordinary, unremarkable evening, just like the first time he’d set foot in this town.

The house still looked exactly the same, greeting him as if nothing had changed since the last time he’d been there. The lawn was trimmed to perfection and Petunia's daisies still bloomed in the backyard, albeit a few were trampled down which told him that he wasn’t the first one to arrive.

“Ugh, George you stepped on my foot again.”

“I didn’t I’m on your left.”

“Yes, and it was my left foot, you idiot.”

“SILENCE.”, Alastor’s voice cut through the air and in the next instant Albus felt something sweep over him.

He chuckled lightly. “There is no need for such spells Alastor.”

“Oh, good evening Albus.”

“Good evening, according to the extent of trampled-down daisies I figure I’m the last?”

“Correct.”

“Good.”, Albus responded and raised his wand.

The darkness seemed to be rippling, the air itself quivering. Then one by one, figures began to pop into sight as their Disillusionment Charms lifted. Dominating the scene was Hagrid, wearing a helmet and goggles and sitting astride an enormous motorbike with a black sidecar attached. Next to him were the Weasley twins, grinning identically and in front of them Remus, Alastor and Tonks, today with pink short hair.

He saw movement behind the windows and in the next moment, the backdoor was flung open, revealing a beaming Harry.

He waved shortly before the boy was drowned in a crushing group hug by Ron and Hermione and they all fell on the lawn, laughing.

“Alright, Harry? Ready fer the off?”, Hagrid asked.

“Definitely,” said Harry, still sitting on the lawn, looking around at them all. “But I wasn’t expecting this many of you!”

“Change of plan,” growled Alastor, whose magical eye was spinning from darkening sky to house to garden with dizzying rapidity. “Let’s get undercover before we talk you through it.”

It took some convincing, but in the end, Harry agreed to the plan. Soon the kitchen was not only filled with one, but seven Harrys.

Petunia Dursley would have surely passed out at the sight.

They split up into their respective teams Harry and Hagrid, Alastor and Mundungus, Bill and Fleur, Tonks and Ron, Lupin and George, Arthur and Fred and of course him and Hermione.

When they were back in the backyard Albus could tell Hermione was a bit nervous. Her gaze was constantly fixed on the ground as the Thestral took his first steps, while her breathing seemed to quicken.

“You can’t see them, can you?”

“I’m afraid not Professor. Is it that obvious?”

“Only a bit. If I may give you some advice it's actually easier if you look straight ahead. Just hold on to me and try not to rely to much on your sight, but more on what you can feel or hear.” He turned and gave her a reassuring smile. “I know that it’s difficult, but that has never been an obstacle for you, has it? In fact, I daresay that this is much easier than brewing a polyjuice potion in your second Hogwarts year. You will handle it just fine, I know it.”

“Thank you, Professor.”, Hermione said, blushing a little at his words.

“All right then,” said Alastor. “Everyone ready, please. We all need to leave at exactly the same time or the whole point of the diversion’s lost.”

Everybody mounted their brooms and Hagrid kicked the motorbike into life. It roared like a dragon, and the sidecar began to vibrate. Hermione tightened her grip on him.

“Good luck, everyone,” shouted Alastor, “See you all in about an hour at the Burrow. On the count of three. One . . . two . . . THREE.”

With that, they rose. Higher and higher until Privet Drive disappeared and the only thing remaining were misty clouds around them. And then out of nowhere, out of nothing, they were surrounded. At least fifteen hooded figures, suspended in mid-air, formed a vast circle around them and in the next moment, it began. There were screams and blazes of green light and he threw a few curses and thought that he maybe immobilized two or three, but he didn’t have any time to check, because all his focus lay on getting them out of there.

And then they flew into the night sky, at least five of them on their heels.

He couldn’t see the others anymore only Alastor and Mundungus who were in front of them. Jets of light flew past them, some of them only narrowly missing their targets, but a well-aimed spell of his, managed to knock four of their brooms and then Hermione yelled “Stupor” and the fifth one fell off as well.

“Good job.”, he said, and she laughed all her previous nervousness seemingly forgotten.

They continued to fly and after a while, he began to hope that that had been all for tonight. But suddenly the atmosphere around them began to shift and he saw a dark shadow looming in the distance. Voldemort was flying like smoke on the wind, without a broomstick or Thestral to hold him, his snake-like face gleaming out of the blackness. There were at least ten Death Eaters behind him and soon spells flew through the air, not only targeting him and Hermione, but also Alastor and Mundungus.

He deflected spell after spell while urging the Thestral to fly faster, he saw a body fly past him and thought he had hit someone-

He saw Voldemort coming closer and closer and Hermione screamed, as the Thestral made a sharp turn to avoid the killing curse being thrown at them. The hooded figure raised his wand again, his white, bony hand shimmering in the night, but this time the spell wasn’t for them.

He heard Mundungus panicked cry followed by a loud bang which signalled that he had disapparated. Alastor barely managed to escape the green bolt, making a sharp turn which caused his broom to lurch, then Albus saw a second jet of light fly in his direction and Alastor was forced to make another violent turn which only cause his broom to spiral further, completely out of control now. Albus thought he heard someone laugh and saw Voldemort raise his wand again, but his spell was faster, forcing the dark lord to turn and deflect it. Voldemort’s face twisted into an ugly snarl and Albus clutched his wand wanting to throw another curse, but then he heard Alastor cry out and saw a body fall into the darkness.

A litany of spells shot past them as he urged the Thestral into a steep dive, they enlightened the night sky like some bizarre sort of muggle fireworks, and he thought he heard an enraged scream behind them and then something brushed his face and a short, sharp pain shot through him, but he could concentrate on that later, he needed to get to Alastor and he raised his wand and laid all his power in the spell he aimed at the falling body in front of them. Alastor’s fall slowed significantly and Albus was finally able to grab him, making the body lighter with another flick of his wand since the Thestral wouldn’t be able to handle all three of them.

“Hermione can you…?”

“Yes sure.”, she responded, her voice shaking a little, as she helped him to pull Alastor between them, assuring that he didn’t fall off since he seemed barely conscious.

Voldemort was still behind them; he could see the dark figure getting closer and turned to fire a few spells while he commanded the Thestral to go faster and they flew further into the night, darkness enveloping them like a reassuring, welcoming blanket.

…

The first hour was easy. A piece of cake, really. Gellert set up the portkey, made himself a cup of coffee just like Albus had suggested and settled on the couch, the newest issue of Transfiguration Today in his lap.

By the time he finished it Albus would be back. He was sure of that or at least he tried to convince himself that he was while he turned page after page, ignoring his fluttering heartbeat. He hated it. It wasn’t like him to react like this.

It wasn’t like him to be afraid because of a trivial, boring fight.

But no matter what he tried he couldn’t stop it.

By the second hour, he was finished with his reading. He didn’t feel motivated to pick up another book so he just sat there staring out of the window, checking on the protection wards from time to time and trying to overhear the voice in his head that told him that Albus wouldn’t be coming back.

He´ll be the biggest target out there.

They´ll all be after him.

Yes, he´s powerful, but even he can’t deal with so many death-eaters all alone.

He won’t come back to you.

You´ll be alone. Do you realize that?

He sighed and glared at the clock for what felt like the 100^th time. Twenty minutes and they should be back. He started to pace through the living room. To the window, past the couch table and the comfy chintz chairs with Albus knitting stuff still on them, to the wall and back. The time crawled by mercilessly slowly. 12 minutes, then ten, then five, four, three, two, one. Nothing.

Another five. Another ten. Shouldn’t they be back by now? Their portkey would leave in twenty minutes, and they had planned to at least arrive half an hour beforehand.

See? He won’t be back. The voice whispered, but he ignored it.

They were only a little late, that was all. Surely there was a sensible explanation for that, surely, they would be fine, surely everything was…

He froze.

Someone or something had just crossed their magical shields.

Without wasting another thought he grabbed his wand tightly and made his way to the front door. The first thing he noticed was the Thestral standing on the beach with three figures beside him.

Three? Why were there three?

He raised his wand.

“It’s alright.”, an all to familiar voice said and now he finally recognized them as Albus, Hermione and … Moody? What was Moody doing here?

“What happened?”, he asked as he came nearer, wand still in hand.

They all looked a bit pale and shaken. Hermione was supporting Moody who seemed to have lost his magical eye while Albus was clutching his wand, a mix of anger, worry and relief on his face and…was that blood?

He only made it out now as he stood right in front of them, but he hadn’t been mistaken. There was a cut on Albus' face, reaching from his forehead all the way to his chin, the red trickling slowly into Albus’ beard. It looked like a badly placed Sectumsempra. The spell must have grazed Albus but had clearly failed to hit him fully since he would have looked much worse in that case.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to forget how close it must have been, trying to control the images that swarmed through his mind, images he’d seen in his nightmares, Albus bleeding out on the floor, the red soaking through his clothes, red everywhere and …

He felt a hand on his arm and realized that Albus had stepped closer.

“Mundungus disapparated and Alastor was attacked and fell off his broom, but we are alright.”

“Yes.”, he rasped and forced himself to open his eyes again. Albus was looking at him and something in those blue eyes must have managed to calm him since he felt his breathing grow steadier and his heart rate slow.

“You are hurt.”, he said and reached out to carefully touch Albus' cheek.

“It’s only shallow.”, Albus responded, and he nodded, gently running his thumb over the cut, murmuring a healing spell as he did so.

He could feel Hermiones and Moodys gazes on them, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to make sure that Albus was alright.

The flesh knit itself together under his fingertips and when he finally stepped back, he was quite content to notice that not even the slightest trace of a scar got left.

“I managed to fully heal it.”

“Thank you.”, Albus responded softly. “How much time do we have left?”

Gellert glanced at his watch. “15 minutes until the portkey leaves.”

Albus turned to Hermione and Moody. “What do you say to a cup of tea in the meantime or coffee perhaps? I´m not particularly fond of the latter, but I think it wouldn’t be exaggerated to say that we could use one right now.”

“Coffee would be good, thank you Albus.”, Moody grumbled.

“And for you Hermione?”

 “A cup of tea would be really nice, thank you, professor.”

They made their way to the house and Albus retreated to the kitchen while Gellert led Hermione and Moody into their living room.

Moody immediately retreated to the window staring outside as if he awaited Death Eaters to break through their protective wards any moment now while mumbling some incoherent stuff about constant vigilance.

Hermione in contrast chose to settle on the couch while he took place in his favourite armchair opposite of her.  She eyed the room rather curiously, her gaze sweeping from the couch to the books that were sprawled on the coffee table and finally settled on Albus knitting stuff which was laying on the couch beside her.

“You knit?”, she asked.

Gellert snickered.  “Oh, Merlin no, but Albus does.”

“Nice.”, she responded. “I also tried it one time, but I guess I´m way to impatient for it.”

 “Well, one could say I know that struggle.”

She continued to eye the room. “So, you and Albus live here together?”

“Right now, it’s more of a momentary accommodation.”, he replied keeping his answer vague on purpose. The question hadn’t been impolite or rude in any way, but he still knew what it implied, and he couldn’t say that he liked it. He had nothing against Hermione, she even reminded him a bit of his younger self with her tendency to figure things out that others couldn’t or didn’t want to see. But that tendency was also dangerous. It would be one thing if she guessed that Albus and he were in a relationship, but if she dug any further… He wasn’t sure if she would be able to put the pieces together, but he also didn’t want to find out.

She nodded and he saw that she was about to ask another question, but thankfully Albus entered the room just in time, four cups floating in front of him.

“It’s still a bit hot, so take care. Alastor, won’t you sit down as well?”

“Thank you, Albus, but someone needs to stand watch they could break through at any moment.”

Gellert rolled his eyes. “I set them up, so I would feel if that were to happen.”

“Not in any case.”, Moody said without taking his eyes from the window. “There were many cases where the wizard or the witch believed that and paid intruders no mind, thinking they would feel it, but in the end they had just overestimated their abilities and…”

“I’m not overestimating my abilities.”, he said through clenched teeth. Albus shot him a warning glance.

“I know what I am talking about.”, Moody said still not turning around. “I’ve fought against dark wizards my whole life; we are not talking about ordinary magical abilities in that case. At the height of his power, Grindelwald would have torn those wards apart in seconds.”

“Well, I doubt that.”, Gellert said, refraining from pointing out that he’d never really been a fan of self-sabotage.

Albus shot him another glance and he sighed. “But I of course trust the expertise of an ex-auror. In fact, so much that I’m coming with you when the portkey leaves. It’s unsafe to be alone in these times.”

If he had to say such things, he might as well get something out of it, after all. In truth, he had already decided this when he’d seen the cut on Albus' face. A trip to the Burrow wouldn’t be dangerous, but he would go mad if he had to wait here again for hours on end.

“Wise decision.”, grumbled Moody.

Gellert sipped at his coffee. “I think so too.”

The rest of their time ticked by in silence, neither of them saying much while waiting for the portkey to activate.

He could feel Hermione’s gaze darting back and forth between him and Albus, her eyes slightly narrowed as if she was solving a puzzle. It wasn’t too obvious, very subtle in fact, but he noticed it anyway.

“Is almost time, isn’t it?”, Albus said after a while, and he nodded calling the portkey to him with a swift movement of his hand. There was already a slight glow emanating from the old bucket.

Albus took a last sip of his tea, then put the cup down and reached over to put his finger on it, Hermione followed soon after and finally Moody also made his way over to them.

They didn’t need to wait for long. After a few seconds, the glow intensified, and they were all swept away in a whirlwind of colours and sounds.

…

The landing was harsh, and he staggered a bit but somehow managed to remain upright.

He had never been to the Burrow and eyed the house almost curiously. It looked a bit run-down, and the multiple floors were clearly held together by magic, but all in all, it still seemed homely and comfortable.

“You need to prove your identity.” Arthur Weasley came in their direction, wand raised, eyes darting back and forth between them.

Ron trailed behind him. “Dad- “

“Only Dumbledore and Hermione should have arrived with that portkey. George already lost an ear I’m not taking any chances.”

“George lost an… I’m so sorry.” Hermione said quietly. 

“It’s alright, Fred and he are already making jokes about it.”, Ron replied, but he looked pale and there was a light tremor running through his hands.

“I can explain the situation.”, Albus said. “Mundungus disapparated and Alastor fell off his broom during the attack; I was luckily just quick enough to save him and when we arrived at our safe house Averill here decided to accompany us. But if you insist, we are of course going to prove our identity, perhaps Mr Weasley here wants to begin?”

Ron cleared his throat. “Of course. Uhm Hermione, what was the spell I couldn’t pronounce correctly when we learned charms in our first year?”

“That’s easy. Wingardium Leviosa.”

“Correct.”

“Ok my turn.”, said Hermione and looked at Moody. “What was in the closet Molly wanted you to check on, back in Grimmauld place?”

“A boggart.”

“Good.”, said Hermione and Moddy turned to Albus. “Favourite jam?”

“Raspberry.”

“He’s safe.”

Gellert looked at Albus. “Go on, ask me something.”

Even in the dark, he could see the blush slightly creeping up on Albus’ cheeks. He knew exactly what he was thinking. They had prepared questions for such a scenario of course and some of them weren’t…exactly made for an audience.

After all his answer to “What did we do after we made our blood pact?”, wouldn’t be very appropriate.

“Uhm alright… where did we first meet?”, Albus asked finally.

“At my great aunt’s house,” Gellert replied nonchalantly.

Albus nodded. “That is right, we are all safe.”

“Good.”, Arthur said. “You may come in then; Molly made some cauldron cake and tea for all.”

They were almost the last ones that arrived. Only Bill and Fleur were still missing, most of the other members of the Order were gathered around the kitchen table, half-full glasses and plates with cake slices standing in front of them. Neither seemed to be particularly hungry.

“Oh, Hermione I’m glad you are alright.”, Molly said as they entered the kitchen. “We’ve all been terribly worried, especially since George…”, she faltered, unable to finish the sentence and briefly dabbed her eyes with a purple handkerchief. “Anyways do you want something to drink, Albus I should have your favourite lemon tea somewhere I’d just need to…”

“I appreciate it Molly, but that really isn’t necessary.”, Albus replied gently. “You’ve been through more than enough tonight, I think no one here will hold it against you if you’d prefer to watch over George instead.”

Molly dabbed her eyes another time. “Thank you, Albus, but I insist that you at least take a piece of my cauldron cake, I know that it’s one of your favourites. The others of you too of course, in times like these we need every bit of extra energy we can get. I’ll go and look after George then. Oh, and Albus I believe Harry wanted to talk to you, he’s gone upstairs I think.”

 “Thank you, Molly.”, Albus replied then turned to Gellert. “Do you mind waiting for me here? It shouldn’t be to long. You could try a piece of her cauldron cake it really is delicious.”

Gellert raised his eyebrows. “If you claim that something is delicious there’s usually to much sugar in it, but alright I’ll try one.”

Albus chuckled lightly and subtly placed a hand on his arm. “I’ll be right back.”

…

Albus found Harry in what he assumed to be Ron's room. It was directly under the attic and relatively small for all the stuff that was stored there. He saw books, two owl cages, and piles of clothes laying on the floor and even spotted three old brooms leaning against the half-open closet. Apart from that, nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be in a bright shade of orange: the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. On the shabby wallpaper were dozens of posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes.

“Really big Chudley Cannons fan I see.”, he said and Harry who’d been sitting in the chair by the window flinched and turned around.

“Professor I haven’t even heard you come in.”

Albus chuckled. “Well, I’m sorry Harry I didn’t mean to frighten you. In fact, I should have knocked, but this being the only room where I hadn’t looked yet made me go a bit ahead of myself.”

“No problem, Professor.”

Albus took a seat on the bed. “So, you wanted to talk to me?”

Harry nodded. “I wanted to ask you something, about the fight. My wand did something very unusual today. It was almost as if it acted on its own accord. I know that sounds unlikely but…”

“Just because something is unlikely, doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”, Albus said calmly. “I also never thought that Averill would drink his coffee with sugar, but he did so just this morning. Albeit I can’t say if that was intentional, since I believe he simply wanted to float the sugar bowl over to me but failed to focus enough. I can’t really blame him though, Transfiguration Today is a really interesting magazine.”

“Uhm yes…well Voldemort pursued me and Hagrid, but before he could get to us, I threw some golden fire at them. The problem is that I don’t even know the spell for that. Mrs. Weasley said that I just acted out of instinct, but I don’t think that was the case, I didn’t control any of it nor had I the intention to cast something. Do you have any idea how… I mean Voldemort didn’t use his own wand so the twin core couldn’t have influenced this, could it?”

Albus regarded Harry thoughtfully. “I have some theories.”, he said slowly. “But most of them are to…how would one say…ill-conceived to share them right now. I’m afraid you need to have some patience.”

Harry nodded and looked he wanted to respond, but in the next moment, Ron burst into the room, somehow balancing three plates of cauldron cake and three cups without using a wand. Hermione was trailing behind him.

“Harry, we’ve brought you some…”, he said, but then stopped mid-sentence as his gaze fell on Albus. “Oh, I’m sorry Professor.”

“No need for that Mr. Weasley.”, he said and rose. “I ought to get going or Averill will complain endlessly about me letting him wait. Very nice room by the way.”

“Oh, are you a Cannon fan then?”

“I’m afraid my heart beats for Puddlemere United, but I must say I admire the Cannons for their determination. Everyone predicted they’d finish bottom of last year’s league, but they managed to beat the Tutshill Tornados in the last game, didn’t they?”

“Yes, they beat their asses.”, Ron said grinning only to grow as red as a tomato in the next instant, when he recalled whom, he was talking to. “I’m sorry… I … shouldn’t have said it like this.”

“I haven’t heard anything, although I would agree with you if I had.”, Albus responded with a small wink and made his way over to the door. “Enjoy your cauldron cake.”

…

Gellert was sitting at the kitchen table when he got downstairs and seemed increasingly annoyed by Hagrid who was opposite of him, snoring loudly with his head resting on the table. The rest of the members had already left.

“Finally.”, the other said and rose from his chair. “One more second of enduring that sound and I swear, I would have put a silencing charm on him and thrown your piece of cauldron cake out of the window.”

“Oh, you saved me a piece? I actually thought I’d have to do without it this time.”

Gellert chuckled. “I’m not barbaric Albus.”, he responded searching through his pockets and finally producing a piece of the cake, enveloped in a beige napkin. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.”, Albus responded, taking it. “But I think I’m going to eat it at home, we don’t want to prolong your suffering here, do we?”

“No, we don’t.”

When they landed on the beach it was already past midnight. The sea shimmered in the moonlight, a vast deep blackness with no end in sight.

“So, what did Harry want?”, asked Gellert.

Albus looked at him. “Apparently his wand cast a spell against Voldemort he didn’t even know himself. I have some half-baked theories about why this could have happened, but the why isn’t relevant right now. What matters is that he hasn’t used his own wand and Harry still beat him, so naturally…”

“…he will be after it.”

“Exactly.”, said Albus and the Elderwand seemed to vibrate in his hand. To his surprise, Gellert began to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

 “He will never understand it, will he?”

“Understand what?”

 Gellert looked at him.  “That power won’t save him.”

…

Later when they lay in bed Albus was woken up by a scream.

It was a horrifying sound, so full of pain and desperation that he needed a while to realize that it was Gellert. Gellert who was beside him trashing around and mumbling something he didn’t understand, except for his name. His name over and over again like it was some kind of mantra only that Gellert’s tone sounded absolutely terrified.

“Albus please don’t, Albus I’m sorry, Albus please Albus, Albus I….”

“Gellert.”, Albus said sharply and grabbed the other’s shoulders with both hands. “Gellert, you need to wake up.”

“Albus…please…no…. I don’t…”

“Gellert.”, Albus shook him. “Gellert it’s just a dream, please.”

It seemed to take an eternity, but eventually, Gellert opened his eyes.

“Albus?”

“I’m here.”, he responded and in the next instant, Gellert drew him into his arms and began to weep.

Albus simply held him, stroking his back while pressing little kisses to Gellert’s forehead, wanting him to feel safe and cared for, wanting him to know that he was not alone, wanting to make him feel alright. They would need to talk about this. Not now, when Gellert was still distressed, but as soon as possible. Because Albus had a terrible inkling what the nightmare had been about, and they couldn’t go on like this. In fact, he should have approached the topic much sooner, but then it had seemed like Gellert had everything under control, and he had thought… Oh, he had been so stupid.

He just hadn’t been able to see it and maybe he’d been to busy between meetings with the Order and organizing everything to make sure that their plan worked, maybe he should have said something right from the beginning, when he’d noticed the first signs, instead of waiting for the right moment, but it was to late for that now. All he could do was to make this as easy for Gellert as possible and he would do that, he would do anything to make it better.

“Let it out.”, he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of Gellert’s head. “You are safe with me. I´m here for you. It’s alright, everything is alright.”

Gellert gave a faint nod, snuggling closer, clutching at his nightshirt, silent tears still streaming down his face and Albus gently reached out to wipe them away.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”, he asked silently.

Gellert shook his head. “Just hold me?”

“Of course.”, Albus said softly and drew Gellert closer, entangling their legs and making sure that the other could feel his heartbeat through his nightshirt. His hands wandered down, gently stroking Gellert’s back and he waited until the other's breathing became steadier, his body slowly, but surely completely relaxing against his, his eyelids fluttering shut.

“Good night, Gel.”, he murmured pressing a gentle kiss to the other's forehead before sleep claimed him as well.

…

When the morning came Gellert awoke with the smell of freshly brewed coffee standing on his nightstand along with a plate of several sandwiches and scrambled eggs.

“I thought having breakfast in bed couldn’t hurt.”, Albus said sitting beside him with a bowl of oatmeal in his lap, which strangely enough didn’t smell that sugary today. In fact, it was almost… bearable?

Gellert sighed. “I’m fine, Albus. You don’t need to go easy on me.”

Albus shook his head. “No, you are not.”, he said quietly, but firmly. “And there’s no shame in admitting that. Please Gellert how long has this been going on?”

“It began when I almost… lost you that night.”, Gellert responded refusing to look at Albus. “But you already suspected something didn’t you?”

“Yes.”, Albus whispered. “I knew that it wasn’t easy for you, but then you always seemed to be in control…and I… I’m sorry I should have said something much earlier.”

“It’s alright.”, he said his gaze still stubbornly fixed on the wall opposite of them. “One could think I should be able to handle them, I’m not weak after all.”

“Gellert…”, Albus said slowly. “I should have never put you through that in the first place. I also shouldn’t have just expected you to just handle it afterwards. I should have been there for you, right from the start, I should have…” He drew a shuddering breath. “Please just let me make it better for you from now on.”

“There’s no need, I can handle it.”, Gellert said quietly.

He couldn’t tell Albus about it and Merlin forbid what if the other used Leglimency to soothe his mind? He wouldn’t be able to explain it. He wouldn’t be able to explain why he more often than not saw a much younger Albus bleeding out on the floor instead of his older version. And he wouldn’t even need to, because Albus would know in an instant. He would discover that he had read the letter and he didn’t feel ready to approach the topic yet, in fact, he wasn’t even sure if he ever would. It would destroy him. It would destroy him and a part of him feared to find out. Because he wasn’t sure what he would do if he’d been indeed one of the major factors that drove Albus to consider this.

And aside from that he wouldn’t be able to bear the look at the other's face, more precisely at the guilt that would appear there. Because Albus would blame himself for it. Of course, he would. He would blame himself for causing additional pain and Gellert wouldn’t let that happen. Albus blamed himself for enough things already and he didn’t want to add to that.

A hand grabbed his and squeezed it gently. “You don’t need to go through that alone.”

“Albus, you don’t…”

“Look at me, Gellert.”

“Please.”, Albus repeated ever so gently, and he exhaled shakily and forced himself to meet the other's gaze for the first time.

“I’m fine Albus.”

“It’s alright if you are not.”, Albus said and reached out to move a strand of hair out of his face. “We can work through that.”

“I…”

“Please Gellert.”, Albus murmured once again and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Their breaths mingled and for a while, they just sat there, Albus' hands searching for his again and holding them ever so gently as if he were something precious or sacred.

“Please, let me help you.”

Gellert drew a shuddering breath.

“Let’s make a compromise.”, he said hoarsely. “I don’t want you to use Leglimency to soothe my mind and I won’t always tell you about what I dream about. Apart from that you may help me in any form you wish.”

Albus leaned back and nodded slowly. “I’ll accept that if you agree to always tell me when you can’t sleep and to wake me up when you had a nightmare. No matter what time, no matter how tired I am.”

“I agree.”

“Then I do to.”, Albus said and gave him a small smile. “Come on now, you need to try the scrambled eggs, I daresay I made them quite good this time.”

Chapter Text

There wasn’t much of an opportunity to rest in the next few days. The situation at the ministry seemed to worsen every hour (according to their spies the usage of Imperius curses and blackmailing had reached an alarming rate) and between meetings with the Order, monitoring Voldemort and discussing new plans and tactics they rarely had any time for themselves.

But still, despite everything, Gellert seemed to be better. He was much more relaxed and rested in the morning which told Albus that their strategy worked. The nightmares hadn’t stopped, but it seemed easier for Gellert to fall back asleep again when he held him right after. Most times they didn’t talk about it. It was rare that Gellert revealed what he’d seen and Albus didn’t push him. He didn’t want to pressure the other into telling him. He would do so when he was ready, and he would just be there for Gellert until then.

They returned to Hogwarts on a rainy Wednesday, in order to dine with the minister of magic. Albus wasn’t particularly fond of Rufus, but they needed to stand united in times like this for the minister didn’t seem capable of holding Voldemort off for much longer. He wasn’t sure how far Voldemort was from taking over. According to his informants, it was one week at most, two at best. Anyhow they needed to act fast. Thus, his request for a meeting.

Of course, inviting Rufus into their summerhouse would have been easier but giving away the location just felt to risky at this point as well as turning up at the ministry themselves. So, they would do it here, hidden away under safety charms.

All in all, there was no safer place in the world than Hogwarts.

It felt comforting to be here again, to feel the castle's magic call out to him like it always did, a distant echo, that seemed to envelop his magical core and resonated deep within him. Somehow, he had missed it more than he had thought; it even made the tiring load of administrative stuff more bearable that he knew awaited him in his office, for he could very well start to work on it before Rufus arrived.

Organizing and signing papers and documents for the new school year took most of his day, so he didn’t see much of Gellert since he had retreated to the library with all their notes and books on Voldemort and Horcruxes determined to dig up more information.

It was already late afternoon when Gellert strolled into his office, carrying a steaming cup of hot cocoa and a plate with some chocolate chip cookies.

“I figured you’d be hungry.”, he said, putting the plate and the cup down at Albus’ desk.

“Thank you.”, Albus said, grabbing one of the cookies. “Did you eat something as well?”

“I had a few sandwiches earlier. Want any help?”

“No, it’s fine I’m done with the most annoying part. All that’s left are a few signatures on this stack here, but I think I can also come back to that later.”

Gellert nodded. “Speaking of annoying when does Scrimgeour arrive again?”

Albus sighed. “In about twenty minutes. We should probably get ready.”

Gellert snorted. “Do you really plan on dressing up for that old fool?”

“Depends on which one you mean.”, Albus replied lightly.

 “The more handsome one of course.”, Gellert said as he circled the desk, giving him a quick kiss.

“And how am I supposed to know who that is?”

Gellert chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, come now Albus I have never doubted your taste.”

“Hmm, that’s strange for I happen to recall you insulting my knitting stuff just yesterday. Something about hideous patterns if my memory isn’t failing me.”

“Well, they would look hideous on many people.”

Albus raised an eyebrow. “On many?”

“But never on you.”, Gellert said and there was a sudden gravity in his voice, that made Albus wonder what Gellert meant exactly for he was sure that there was nothing extraordinary to see when he happened to wear one of his self-made sweaters or socks or earmuffs for when it got a bit colder.

But Gellert meant it, he could see it in the way his gaze grew all soft when he regarded him, he sensed it in the way the other reached out to caress his cheek and pressed another kiss to his lips, ever so tenderly as if he was something precious, that needed to be protected at all costs.

“Gel.”, he murmured. “As much as I enjoy this, we really should get ready.”

Gellert sighed. “We can’t just apparate out of here and let this idiot of a minister rot at the front gate, can we?”

“Well, we could, but I believe that would be terribly impolite.”

Dinner was as tiring as Gellert had expected it to be.

They indulged in some incredibly boring small talk about the weather and Scrimgeour made some remarks about how good the food was, even though he barely touched his plate.

When he regarded the minister Gellert couldn’t help but feel a little spark of compassion for the man (not that he would ever admit it) who sat there with dark rings under his eyes and greasy hair that probably hadn’t been washed for days. Being Minister of Magic at the brink of a new wizarding war with more and more people joining Voldemort’s ranks every day surely wasn’t an easy task.

But it was their own fault, he thought. If the ministry had just listened to Albus from the beginning instead of feeding the prophet with a never-ending litany of lies about how he had supposedly lost his mind, they wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

They were already at the dessert when things finally got interesting. Scrigemour had admittedly decided that he wanted to get through with this (to the relief of them all) and finally asked: “So what is it that you wanted to tell me so urgently?”

Albus took a bite of his lemon cake. “Well as you surely know Voldemort wants the ministry to fall.”

Scrigemour nodded curtly.

“The Order has been monitoring the situation closely and we are quite optimistic that we found out about most who are currently under Voldemort’s control, may it be voluntarily or involuntarily.” Albus raised his wand, conjured a piece of parchment out of thin air and handed it to Scrigemour. “It's enchanted.”, he explained. “Only you can see the names on the list.”

Scrigemour took the parchment eyed it for a moment, folded it and put it away. “Thank you.”, he said looking quite unimpressed. “But I already set up a task force for that. The evaluation will come in two or three weeks.” He cut a bite of his cake without eating it. “Your list will be taken into account though.”

“Why wait for the evaluation if you could act now?”, Gellert asked trying hard not to let his anger show. The sheer arrogance of this man was just unbelievable. He really wanted to wait, for some inefficient task force to complete something that had already been done by the Order. But that had always been the issue with politics, hadn’t it? The whole machinery was too slow and inefficient to solve anything at all. But of course, no one wanted to admit or see that. Everyone insisted that everything was perfect as it was. People who wanted to help or point out flaws in the system were frowned upon and framed as radicals or crazed revolutionaries.

He gritted his teeth. “The longer you wait the more likely it becomes that Voldemort succeeds in taking over the ministry.”

Scrigemour looked at him mild curiosity in his gaze. “I´m sorry Mr. – “

“Bancroft.”

“Mr. Bancroft. I think that the examination needs to be precise and performed thoroughly to get the best assessment possible. And I´m sorry to say that, but I don’t think that your little Order was built for monitoring such a complex structure like the ministry. I want to be 100% sure before I act. I’m not going to suspend people on behalf of an organization that doesn’t even play an official part in…”

“Rufus.”, Albus said firmly. “Another two or three weeks are too long.”

But Scrigemour just let out a short laugh. “And of course, the great Albus Dumbledore knows exactly when Voldemort plans on taking over. Maybe it has escaped your notice, but the Minister of Magic may possess further knowledge on certain topics.”

“I never said that.”, Albus replied calmly, just ignoring Scrigemours taunting remarks and Gellert couldn’t help but admire him for that since he really needed to refrain from lashing out. “But I´m positive that I assessed the danger of the situation correctly. The Order just wants to help you, Rufus. We are on the same side.”

“I appreciate the effort.”, Scrimgeour said stiffly. “Although that didn’t seem the case a few months ago when I asked for your help regarding making the acquaintance with Harry Potter.”

“Well.”, Albus replied, and he could sense a certain coldness in his voice now. “I think there lays a difference between making acquaintance with someone and wanting to exploit him to improve one’s reputation.”

Scrimgeour face turned into an ugly red, now resembling a misshaped tomato, and Gellert was sure the minister would have lashed out if Albus hadn’t added, sounding more friendly now. “While I don’t agree with all measures the ministry claims necessary, I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t respect you, Rufus. Our collaboration is going to play a vital role in this war.”

At that, Scrimgeour seemed to regain at least a bit of his composure. “Like I said I´ll take your list into account.”

“They will kill you, Rufus.”, Albus said calmly. “I´m sure you are aware of that.”

For a moment Gellert thought to see a fear flash in Scrimgeour’s eyes, but that look was quickly replaced with spite.

“There is no need to worry.”, he announced. “The Order isn’t the only one who possesses knowledge about the plans of the death eaters, and I can assure you that we still have that time. Besides no dark wizard has ever managed to take over the British Ministry. Voldemort wasn´t capable during the First Wizarding War and Grindelwald also…”

“Grindelwald never extended his campaign to Britain.” He hadn’t actually planned to point that out, but a part of him just couldn’t stand this idiot babbling nonsense any longer. “His campaign was mostly aimed at continental Europe.”

 “If I remember correctly, he had lots of followers here as well.”, Scrimgeour replied.

“Having followers and extending a campaign isn’t the same thing.”

Scrimgeour scoffed. “Oh, so we are an expert I take?”

He raised his eyebrows. “One could say so.”

Albus cleared his throat. “I think it would be better if we concentrated on the topic at hand.”

But Scrimgeour wouldn’t have it any longer. “I think that was quite enough.”, he said and rose from his chair. “As you surely know I´m a busy man. I need to get back to work.”

“Rufus you are making a terrible mistake.”

Scrigemour turned and considered them for a moment. “Thank you for the dinner.”, he said his tone perfectly polite, but stiff. “It was really good.”

With that, he strode out of the Great Hall, half of the lemon cake still on his plate.

“What an imbecile.”, Gellert murmured as soon as the entrance door fell shut. “It would be a miracle if his precious ministry is still under his control at the end of the week.”

Albus sighed. “Well, my expectations were not high, but it was at least worth a try.” His voice sounded calm and unperturbed, but Gellert could still sense the anger radiating from him. And he understood him perfectly for Albus shouldn’t have to put up with the foolishness of men like Scrimgeour. They could never match his power or intellect and yet dismissed his advice and framed Albus as unreasonable whenever it suited them. They were afraid to be outdone, afraid that Albus could replace them one day, albeit he had made it clear that this kind of power wasn’t something that he desired or searched for. But they were too short-sighted to realize that they needed Albus, now more than ever, to short-sighted to realize that he was the only one who could save them at this point. But they didn’t know any better. They never did. And as his gaze swept over to Albus his white hair glittering in the dim candlelight, he couldn’t help, but wish for Scrimgeour to pay for his ignorance for Albus was so much better than all of them combined.

Not that the other would ever accept such a statement, even if it came from him, but it was the truth nevertheless.

There would never be someone as brilliant and strong as Albus. He had overcome much more pain and suffering than one should go through in a lifetime and yet these losses hadn’t broken him, in fact, the opposite was true for Gellert had never met someone with greater humanity and sympathy, had never met someone who saw the world like Albus, who was able to find value in anyone however apparently insignificant or wretched.

And before he even knew what came over him, before the idea had even fully formed in his mind, he had already extended his hand. “Do you want to dance with me?”, he asked fully aware that the suggestion came out of nowhere, but he wouldn’t let someone like Scrimgeour ruin their evening.

Albus looked at him surprised. “What?”

Gellert shrugged. “I once heard it helps to relieve stress and besides, we need to practice.”

Albus still looked a bit sceptical but took his hand. “Practice for what?”

“Well, rumour has it there is a wedding in four days.”, Geller said while he moved the four house tables to the wall with a flicker of his wand and conjured a few floating instruments.

Albus groaned. “By Merlin, I had totally forgotten about that.”

“Always happy to remind you.” , Gellert said nonchalantly and pointed at the instruments which began to play a slow waltz.

“I need to warn you.”, he said while they stepped on their makeshift dancefloor. “I haven’t done that in a long time.”

Albus chuckled. “No problem, I will guide you.”

In the end, it was easier than he imagined. Albus' arm fit perfectly around his waist as if it were made for that and they effortlessly waltzed through the Great Hall in sweeping circles. Back and forth, back, and forth, back, and forth; the steps quickly became an automatism, and he could concentrate on the music, the feeling of their hands joined and the twinkle in Albus' eyes that somehow caused a warm feeling in his stomach.

Albus grinned at him. “See, you are still good at it.”

“Of course, I am.”, he replied and closed his eyes for a moment, fully trusting Albus to lead them. It wasn’t often that he gave up control, but somehow it always felt easy with Albus, almost safe.

He could feel the warmth of the other's gaze even through his closed lids and wasn’t even a tad surprised when soft lips enveloped his a moment later.

“Eager, are we?”, he mumbled as he lazily returned the kiss, his hands cupping Albus' face.

Albus chuckled. “I think we need to cut that part out of our performance when we dance at the wedding.”

“Hmm that’s a pity.”, he hummed, his lips still hovering just an inch over Albus´ “But... how are we even going to handle that? We can’t make our relationship public remember?”

Albus eyes twinkled. “Oh, I think a confundus charm will do.”

Gellert grinned. “The noble Albus Dumbledore plans on jinxing others just so he can dance with me, should I feel honoured now?”

“You should.”, Albus replied and brought their lips together once again.

…

In the next day’s Albus instructed the Order to keep an even closer eye on all the activities that had to do with the ministry. He wanted to be informed about anything that happened, no matter how minuscule or trivial the activity seemed to be. He needed to know how far Voldemort was from taking over. They needed to be prepared. He also reached out to a select few trusted contacts in the Wizengamot setting them on persuading Rufus to change his mind, but all he heard back was that it was senseless to try. The task force had been put into work and the minister wouldn’t act until the end of the evaluation.

With the ministry on the brink of collapsing meetings with the Order became a daily affair. Some members would need to go into hiding in case Voldemort would indeed succeed in taking over, while others like Arthur Weasley were barely inconspicuous enough to hold their positions, which was convenient since they would need some spies out in the open. Between the meetings, arranging and preparing safe houses and hideouts, and being informed about every ministry activity they barely had time to do anything else, but work. Afternoon walks became a luxury as well as his and Gellert’s rounds of wizarding chess in the evening. It was more often than not that they left in the early morning hours only to return in the evening to use the remaining hours of the day to dig up more information about the rest of the Horcruxes.

Hence Albus felt almost glad the evening before Bill and Fleur's wedding since it would be a welcome distraction from all the stress in the last days. It had taken a toll on both of them he could tell for one of them just dosing off during their Horcrux research had begun to occur more often than it was natural, requiring him and Gellert to wake each other every now and then (or not since he had awoken on the couch yesterday covered by a warm blanket with Gellert still sitting opposite of him sorting through their notes).

For someone who had spent the last 50 years imprisoned, sleeping the days away, with nothing but his own mind to keep him company, Gellert proved to be surprisingly resilient when it came to stress. Or maybe it wasn’t that surprising for Albus knew very well that calmness or silence didn’t equal peace. If anything, it was worse when one had time to think, it was worse to be tormented by one’s own imagination, for years and years on end, it was worse being a prisoner in one’s own mind especially with having no means to distract oneself.

And maybe that was why Gellert seemed so unperturbed. He had grown used to feeling restless. Perhaps even more than Albus himself.

The morning of the wedding was calm, peaceful even. They responded to the few necessary owls from the Order and then proceeded to have a long breakfast, before changing into their festive robes. Gellert had picked out a velvet dark green cloak paired with elegant black slacks and a matching top. It was a bit dark perhaps, but still suitable for a wedding. Besides he would just find himself ridiculous in brighter colours like yellow or Merlin forbid orange. He wasn’t Albus after all. Somehow it was quite interesting to see how their style had changed over the years for he had always been fond of darker colours and fabrics, while Albus had found great liking in bolder colours and patterns over time. Sometimes he wondered when that when exactly that had happened. It must have been after the 1940s for sure since he’d only seen Albus wear his beloved suits back then, and in the early 1950s he had still been sporadically getting newspapers and by that had been able to catch a glimpse of the other, after that however…

He still remembered that one winter morning in the 1970s when he had awoken from a vision, covered in sweat despite of the coldness, his heart racing because he hadn’t recognized Albus any longer. He had seen a tall, white-haired old man in crimson robes with golden embroidery and he had only realized it when he’d looked into his eyes for, they had still been of the same piercing blue as all these years before.

He felt a stab in his heart when he thought of it. He had never seen Albus' style change, had never seen how his auburn hair turned to white. He had never seen him grow old. There were so many years and months and hours and seconds of wasted potential between them. White noise long forgotten, drowned in a litany of nothingness.

If he had just been able to see reason back then. If he had just listened to Albus before ruining everything. If he had just… No. He needed to stop that now. A wedding was designated to be a joyous affair after all and his endless pondering over what-ifs wouldn’t help anyone, especially not Albus who he knew had looked forward to this. So, he retreated to pacing around the living room to distract himself, waiting for Albus to finally come downstairs. He wondered what the other would wear. Surely something outrageously bold and colourful as he knew him, maybe this one flashy magenta robe he had once gotten a glimpse of or the lemon green one with a plethora of sparkling silver stars embroidered onto it. Sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder where Albus even bought this stuff for he had surely never come across any store that…

“Pardon me for letting you wait I’m afraid I got rather immersed in deciding on whether to wear a hat or not.”, Albus said descending the stairs and for a moment Gellert’s breath got stuck in his throat. Which was ridiculous of course for he wasn’t a foolish 16-year-old any longer and Albus had no right to still have this effect on him. No, surely it must have been due to the poor air quality in here since they had forgotten to ventilate or should ventilate more often or maybe use an air cleaning charm or something the like. Yeah, clearly that was the reason.  And yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of Albus’ artic blue robes with silver and golden phoenixes embroidered onto them. And yet he couldn’t help but notice the way Albus’ elegant turquoise cloak effortlessly swept behind him, twinkling ever so slightly when the sunlight came upon it. And yet he couldn’t refrain from noting that Albus had paired the whole outfit with navy blue loafers and a pair of his ridiculous socks, albeit they didn’t look ridiculous at all, they looked… no Albus looked… just utterly… perfect.

“Gel is everything alright?”, Albus asked, and he only now realized that he’d been staring.

“No, it's nothing just…”, he began and couldn’t help but notice that Albus' eyes matched his attire perfectly when he came to stand in front of him. Which, of course, didn’t help at all.

Albus raised his eyebrows, an amused expression on his face. “It’s just?”

“There is a flock of dust on your robes.”, Gellert added and quickly brushed his hand over Albus' shoulder.

“See much better.”

If anything, Albus' expression only grew more amused. “How peculiar, I think we ought to enhance our cleaning charms then for I’ve only performed them yesterday.”

“Dust can emerge more quickly than one would expect.”, Gellert said his expression betraying nothing.

“Well, I’m sure of that.”, Albus said, extending his arm. “Shall we then?”

“We shall.”

A few seconds later they found themselves standing in front of a great white marquee, the entrance revealing rows and rows of fragile golden chairs set on either side of a long purple carpet.

Outside butterflies and bees were hovering lazily over the grass and a few meters away from them Gellert could make out a group of people in white uniforms, presumably the waiters for the flying buffet, sitting under a tree.

“Hope this ceremony doesn’t take too long.”, he mumbled. “I want something to eat.”

Albus chuckled. “Oh, come on isn’t it romantic to watch two young people get married? And besides we had breakfast only an hour ago.”

“Well, I…”, he started, but was interrupted by an unnecessarily loud (at least in his opinion) “Oh Professor glad that you´re here. Just a moment, I´ll show you to your seats.”

A sweaty-looking redhead came up to them and Gellert could swear that he had never seen this one, but surely that brat attended Hogwarts, otherwise, he wouldn’t address Albus as Professor.

“That’s nice, thank you Harry”, Albus replied, almost whispering the name, making sure that nobody overheard them. And only then did Gellert realize who it was. He had totally forgotten that Harry would disguise himself with Polyjuice potion, sure Albus had mentioned it a few times, but to be fair there had been more important things to think about at that time. The redhead or more precisely Harry was shuffling with his seating plan now, seeming a bit unsure. “Uhm, it says here that Xenophilius Lovegood and his daughter Luna sit between you. They are already inside, but I´m sure they´ll agree to switch.”

“No problem at all.”, Albus said gently and gave him a warning look as if he was perfectly aware of the sarcastic comment he had wanted to make.

So, he settled on scowling at the boy, but to his dissatisfaction, Harry didn’t even seem to notice as he ushered them inside. Well, it certainly was a bit difficult to look intimidating when there was Albus' glittering presence next to him.

Their seats were in the third row which wasn’t too bad, but as this Xenophilius guy rose, to get nearer to Harry who was currently explaining their situation, he had to bite back a laugh. The man reminded him of an omelette, his robes were of an eye-watering shade of egg-yolk yellow, and he wore a cap whose tassel constantly tangled in front of his nose, which didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. Due to that overburst of ridiculousness, he only noticed it, when Albus beside him gave a little gasp, his eyes fixated on Xenophilius's chest and then he saw it too, the Deathly Hallows symbol glistened from a golden chain around his neck and that was just too much. He had to turn around, to refrain himself from cackling while Albus beside him looked like he couldn’t quite decide whether he should laugh or cry.

“Albus, you need to sit next to him.”, he whispered while he desperately tried to think of something that wasn’t funny, like old cabbage soup or the porridge Albus always had for breakfast.

The other gave him a stern look. “Absolutely not.”

“You must.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, I’m certainly not I…”

“Xenophilius agreed, your seats are ready.”, Harry said, beaming at them both as if he had just accomplished something astounding.

“Oh, that’s great, thank you.”, Albus said and then quickly added. “After you Averill.”

If looks could kill, Albus, Harry and this imbecile who wouldn’t even recognize a Hallow if someone threw it at him wouldn’t be here anymore. But this was a wedding after all and one ought to act civilized, so he just pressed out a half-hearted “How generous, thank you.” and slid into his seat without further complaint. At least Albus looked like he was enjoying himself.

A sense of jittery anticipation had filled the tent by now, the general murmuring broken by occasional spurts of excited laughter. Mr and Mrs Weasley strolled up the aisle, smiling and waving at the guests before taking their assigned seats in the front row.

Only a moment later the groom and his brother (he couldn’t recall his name; besides he was very busy ignoring Xenophilius) stood up at the front of the marquee, both wearing dress robes, with larger white roses in their buttonholes and the crowd finally fell silent as music swelled from what seemed to be the golden balloons and everyone swivelled in their seats to get a better look at the entrance.

A great collective sigh issued from the assembled witches and wizards as Fleur and her father came walking up the aisle. Fleur was wearing a very simple white dress and seemed to be emitting a strong, silvery glow. While a Veelas or a quarter Veelas radiance for that matter, usually dimmed everyone else by comparison, today it beautified everybody it fell upon for Albus' smile seemed even warmer, the ever-prominent twinkling in his eyes even stronger and once Fleur had reached Bill, he did look as though he had ever met Fenrir Greyback.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said a slightly singsong voice, and Gellert saw a small, tufty-hired wizard, now standing in front of Bill and Fleur. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls..."

Gellert shifted in his seat and couldn’t help but notice that Xenophilius beside him took his chain in his hands and seemed to mumble some incompressible nonsense, which just made him look like an even bigger idiot. He felt laughter bubbling up in him again and desperately tried to focus on the ceremony, swearing to himself that he would turn all of Albus' socks into normal-looking ones when this was over.

"Do you, William Arthur, take Fleur Isabelle...?"

In the front row, the mothers of the bride and the groom were both sobbing quietly into scraps of lace and beside him, Albus dabbed his eyes. Before he even thought about it, he gently intertwined their fingers, not caring if someone saw it. The attention wasn’t on them anyways. Albus gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand in return.

"...then I declare you bonded for life."

The tufty-haired wizard waved his hand high over the heads of Bill and Fleur and a shower of silver stars fell upon them, spiralling around their now entwined figures. The golden balloons overhead burst, and birds of paradise and tiny golden bells flew and floated out of them, adding their songs and chimes to the din.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" called the tufty-haired wizard. "If you would please stand up!"

They all did so and the chairs on which they had been sitting rose gracefully into the air as the canvas walls of the marquee vanished, so that they stood beneath a canopy supported by golden poles, with a glorious view of the sunlit orchard and surrounding countryside. Next, a pool of molten gold spread from the centre of the tent to form a gleaming dance floor; the hovering chairs grouped themselves around small, white-clothed tables, which all floated gracefully back to earth around it, and a golden-jacketed band trooped toward a podium.

"Smooth," said Gellert approvingly as the waiters popped up on all sides, some carrying silver trays of pumpkin juice, butterbeer, and firewhisky, others tottering piles of tarts and sandwiches.

“See it isn’t that bad.”, Albus said as they made their way through the crowd in search of a deserted table.

He snorted. “I never said it was, but the seating arrangement could have been better.”

“Oh I´m terribly sorry Darling, I´m sure it was really hard enduring that for uhm twenty minutes.”, Albus said his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Gellert scowled at him, but couldn’t muster up the strength to be angry, not when Albus looked so cheerful and utterly perfect in his blue robes flowing around him. And he bet the other knew, because Albus' gaze softened, and he placed a hand on his arm for a moment when he said. “Come on let’s grab something to eat.”

They grabbed a few tarts, sandwiches and two cups of butterbeer before they finally sat down on one of the small white tables and just when Gellert thought that they would finally get some peace now, an old wizard approached them his cloud of white hair making him look like an aged dandelion clock. To his surprise, he had Harry in tow (didn’t that guy have friends or something).

“Hello Albus, long time no see.”, the old wizard said and took a chair without even asking if it was alright if he sat there. Harry sat beside him and Gellert gave them both a disgruntled look, but they didn’t seem to get the message.

“Hello Elphias.”, Albus said friendly. “I see you´ve already made acquaintance with…

“Harry.”, Elphias responded, looking almost proud. “Arthur told me he would be disguised. Had to search him then, of course, you don’t often get the chance to meet such a remarkable young man.”

Gellert looked at Harry whose smile seemed a bit pained by now and he figured that he wasn’t the only one who´d rather be anywhere else.

He chuckled lightly and Elphias gaze settled on him, giving Albus a questioning look.

“Oh, that is Averill. Averill Bancroft.”

Elphias smiled and shook his hand. “Elphias Doge, pleased to meet you, I´m one of Albus´ eldest friends.”

He sighed and had to bite back the “I know.”, that already laid on his tongue. Instead, he tried to look at least a tad bit interested when he asked. “Oh really, where did you two meet?”

And apparently, that had been the right question for Elphias beamed at him and began to tell one of the most painstaking stories he had ever heard. Maybe it would have interested him if he hadn’t already known it all and Elphias hadn’t added way to many repellent details about how he had been ill with dragon pox and his skin had still been slightly green throughout his first months at Hogwarts etc. etc.

The only interesting detail in that whole monologue was that Albus had apparently managed to set his bed curtains on fire in his fourth year. He snickered when Elphias mentioned it, but apparently, that had been a mistake because it only seemed to encourage him to tell more. And before they could stop him, Elphias had turned to Harry and spoke: “You know you remind me a bit of Albus in his youth. He lost his family at quite a young age too, as you surely know, not as young as you naturally, but still…”

He only realized his mistake when Harry's eyes widened, and his gaze swept to Albus whose face had turned into a painful grimace.

“Oh…you didn’t…I´m so sorry Albus I…”, Elphias stammered face suddenly bright red. “I didn’t think, I just got caught up in…”

“It's alright, Elphias.”, Albus said in a tone that didn’t sound like it was in the slightest.

Harry's face was also red now and he looked like he just wanted to vanish into thin air. “I´m sorry Professor, I didn’t know…”

“No problem Harry.”, Albus replied his voice sounding way more friendly now. “But I think that is a discussion for another time, is it? Why don’t you go dancing with your friends, the music seems quite good.”

Harry nodded and hurriedly stood up, almost knocking over his chair, before he disappeared into the crowd.

“I´m sorry.”, Elphias repeated. “I really thought he would know.”

“Well, he didn’t.”, Albus replied flatly and an awkward silence enveloped their table, neither of them knowing what to say.

“Maybe it would be better.”, Gellert said after a while, glaring at Elphias. “If certain people would give Albus some space.”

He didn’t care that he wasn’t exactly subtle now, Elphias presence just annoyed him more and more. After all, it was his fault that Albus looked pained and uncomfortable when he had seemed so happy and at ease only moments before.

Elphias blushed even harder and mumbled some incoherent stuff, about needing to go and how he was sorry once again before he rose and finally left them alone.

“That was really impolite but thank you.”

Gellert turned to Albus “Well, someone needed to say it. Are you alright?”

Albus nodded. “I´m fine, no need to worry.”

“It would be understandable if you were not.”, Gellert said gently, subtly placing a hand on Albus' arm.

Albus exhaled shakily and met his gaze. “Really it's alright, I would rather…, would you mind if we danced a bit? I need to get a clear head.”

Gellert nodded and extended his hand. “Then let’s head to the dance floor, shall we?”

A light Confundus charm was all it took. No one seemed to notice the two old men, spinning right in their middle. Gellert had taken the lead this time, effortlessly manoeuvring them through the crowd. Albus relaxed in his arms and seemed to get better with each step they took, his smile returned and when Xenophilius Lovegood passed them, dancing with his daughter, not in tune with the music at all, they just couldn’t help it anymore and both burst out laughing, nearly knocking over Ron and Hermione who were beside them. For a short moment, Gellert feared that Hermione had noticed something, her gaze suddenly sweeping in their direction, but then something large and silver came falling through the canopy over the dance floor and it did not matter anymore. Graceful and gleaming, the lynx landed lightly in the middle of the astonished dancers. Heads turned, as those nearest it froze absurdly in mid-dance. Then the Patronus's mouth opened wide, and it spoke in the loud, deep, slow voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.”

Chapter Text

Everything seemed fuzzy, slow. Many people were only just realizing that something strange had happened; heads were still turning toward the silver cat as it vanished. Silence spread outward in cold ripples from the place where the Patronus had landed. Then somebody screamed.

Guests were sprinting in all directions; many were disapparating; the protective enchantments around the burrow had broken.

Gellert saw cloaked and masked figures appear in the crowd; then he and Albus raised their wands in unison, and both shouted, "Protego!", a cry that was echoed on all sides.

From the corner of his eye, he saw the trio turning on the spot, and couldn’t help, but feel relieved that they had enough sense to disapparate immediately.

Curses were coming from all directions by now and Gellert did his best to protect everyone in his range but taking the Death Eaters down proved to be a difficult affaire. The space to fight was narrow, for many were still hurriedly making their way through the crowd, desperately trying to reach their family and friends, while others seemed determined to remain until the very end.

He saw the Lovegood girl run past him, her yellow dress flowing around her, making the girl appear like some oversized sunflower. He could see the panic in her gaze as she frantically turned her head in all directions, seemingly searching for someone or something and he could only imagine who it was, for Xenophilius was nowhere to be found. A curse was thrown in her direction, missing Luna only by mere inches, but the girl didn’t even budge, in fact, she didn’t even seem to notice, her gaze still aimlessly skimming through the crowd and Gellert cursed silently as he spun around and apparated beside her, grabbing her by the arm, while setting up a protective shield with a swift motion of his wand.

“You need to go.”, he shouted, and she turned to him eyes wide, her wand shaking in her hand.

“You need to go.”, Gellert repeated, for she didn’t seem to understand, but she just shook her head, gaze still fixed on the crowd as if he wasn’t even there and he cursed another time, for he had really no time to deal with a stubborn teenager right now if anything that was more Albus forte than his, but then a shade of the same eye-watering yellow as Lunas dress caught his eye and Gellert hadn’t thought that he would ever thank Merlin for seeing Xenophilius, but here he was.

“I’ll bring you to him.”, he said and extended his arm for Luna to take and seconds later they appeared next to Xenophilius, who was so startled by the suddenness of it, that he dropped his wand, and it was on Gellert once again to doge the curses that would have hit them otherwise.

He was getting too old for this, he thought as he blocked a jet of green light, using one of the spare tables as a barricade, all the while keeping an eye on Xenophilius who had gotten on his knees by now, totally immersed in the search for his wand.

After some seemingly aimless grabbing motions and another five curses Gellert deflected for them, he finally completed his search, emerging from the ground, wand in hand, giving Gellert an approving nod and taking Luna's hand.

“By the might of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, I can’t thank you enough for bringing my daughter back to me, I promise I will…”

“Its alright, just go now.”

“…to express my gratitude, I want to offer you a free abonnement of the quibb…”

“BY MERLIN JUST GO.”, Gellert yelled finally losing his patience, for he really wasn’t in the mood to listen to a litany of thank yous in the middle of a battle and he also didn’t want to know more about Crumple-Horned whatevers and at least the girl seemed to have some sense left since she grabbed her father arm and then they finally disapparated.

“Thank Merlin for small mercies.”, Gellert mumbled while getting into a duel with the next three Death Eaters in his range.

 The tent shook through the vibration of their spells, and he was distantly aware that the poles didn’t seem as stable anymore, but he couldn’t pay any attention to that, since a litany of curses went in his direction every second. He had just managed to knock two of his opponents out with a well-placed Reducto while sending invisible ropes in the direction of the third when he heard a loud rumbling noise and the tent started to collapse over them.

He heard people shout slowing spells, but it was to no use the tent poles shook violently and clouds of dirt rose as they fell, covering anything and everyone. Almost out of reflex, Gellert extended his hand, expecting Albus to take it and it was only then when he realized that he hadn’t seen the other since he’d saved the Lovegood girl.

Panic crept up on him, as he spun around, his gaze skimming through the crowd, people around him disappearing one by one, but he couldn’t go until he had found Albus, he couldn’t go without him, he… a glittering blue shimmer caught his eye and for a moment he felt relieved, for only Albus had been wearing such a shade, but this feeling was soon replaced with dread as he realized what he was looking at. Just two meters from him lay Albus' cloak, coated in dirt, while the other was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly he found it very difficult to breathe.

Horrible scenarios raced through his mind. Albus captured, Albus hurt, Albus bleeding out like he had done so often in his nightmares, the red soaking through his clothes, while his body lay still, so very still… no he couldn’t afford such thoughts right now, he needed to focus.

But his mind continued to play these gruesome images and he found himself unable to think clearly, unable to do anything, but stand there, eyes still fixed on the cloak. He knew that he needed to move, he knew that he needed to get out of here before the tent collapsed entirely, he knew that he was a fairly easy target right now, with his wand held loosely at his side, but he couldn’t do anything about it, he couldn’t... and suddenly a very familiar hand found his and he didn’t even need to look, he would have recognized it anywhere.

“It’s alright, I’m here.”, a voice whispered into his ear and a second later they were gone.

They landed right in front of their summerhouse, both still clutching their wands and covered in dirt from the collapsing tent. A moment later Albus arms embraced him, and he leaned into his touch, closing his eyes, allowing himself to relax, hoping that the other wouldn’t notice his slightly shaking hand.

“For a moment I thought…”, he croaked out.

Albus nodded and tightened his grip around him. “I know.”, he whispered. “Me too.”

“But we are safe.”, he said not sure if he was trying to reassure Albus or himself. “We are safe.”

“Yes.”, Albus said and slowly broke away from him. “But I need to return to Hogwarts.”

“You- what-, absolutely not.” Gellert gripped Albus arm. “I won’t allow that. It’s too dangerous even for you. They control the ministry now, things have changed. And it’s not even September, they won’t let the students in and even if that problem were to be solved somehow, they would still attack us, backed by all the ministry forces, no one could go in or out of the castle, you couldn’t guarantee the students safety you…”

“Gellert.”, Albus interrupted him a pained expression on his face. “I´m aware of that. I haven’t spoken of my duties as headmaster.”

He frowned. “What did you mean by going back then?”

Albus sighed. “Only to pick something up. Something very important. I can’t let them find it.”

“But we have everything here. Sure, certain books and the like are still in your office, but still, they wouldn’t find anything of use, I mean I packed…”

And suddenly it hit him. There was only one thing Albus could be referring to, only one thing he wouldn’t want them to see.

“Albus.”, he said carefully. “I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

He took a deep breath, he didn’t know how to say it, didn’t know how to address it, so he made it as simple and short as possible. “I found the box and I have taken her with me. There is no need for you to go back.”

Albus expression remained unreadable, conflicted emotions appeared on his face and his tone was neutral when he asked, but Gellert could still tell that he desperately wished that the answer would be no.

“And have you… have you read it?”

He didn’t need to explain what “it” was. There had been at least fifty letters in that box, but only one that really mattered. He had known all the others; it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

“Yes.”, he replied. “I have.”

For a moment Albus was silent and just looked at him and Gellert braced himself because he fully expected the other to be angry or yell at him for just going through his things like that or maybe refusing to talk about the topic at all, but he wouldn’t have expected to see guilt in Albus expression, wouldn’t have expected the other to lower his gaze to the ground, only to press out a quiet “I’m sorry.”, a moment later, while still refusing to look at him properly, as if he had done something unforgivable.

“Albus.”, he said and couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “What on earth are you apologizing for?”

“That made it worse, didn’t it? The nightmares.”, Albus let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t want you to go through any more pain because of me.”

And Gellert stared at him unable to process Albus' words for he shouldn’t stand there and blame himself. Not for this. Never for something like this. And yet it was so characteristically Albus that he did, that he once again was unable to consider himself important or good enough to apply any relevance to his own pain and he took a step forward, placing a hand on Albus' arm, whose gaze was fixated on the ground.

“Albus look at me, please.”, he whispered and after what seemed like an eternity Albus finally looked up, blue eyes gleaming traitorously in the warm light of the sun.

 “There is no need to apologize.”, he said quietly. “The pain wasn’t your fault after all.”

“But you…”

“I would never blame you for it. Never. Do you understand me?”

Albus exhaled shakily. “Yes.”

“Good.”, Gellert replied and pressed a light kiss to Albus' cheek. There were still so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to say, but he knew that the other would still need some time to process everything, so he just took hold of Albus' hand, still covered in dust from the collapsing of the tent as well as the rest of his clothing.

“I think we need to run you a bath.”, he murmured inspecting the dirt on it, gently wiping some of it off.

It wasn’t that much to speak of, in fact, nothing that couldn’t have been solved with a quick “Tergeo”, but he wanted to be there for Albus now, wanted him to feel cared for, wanted him to feel loved because he couldn’t bear the thought that he had once felt so alone and helpless that he had seriously contemplated to...no he couldn’t even think it.  

He would wipe off every grain of dust individually if needed, he would wash it all off, along with the pain and self-loathing and years of regret and at least for the moment they’d be clean.

“A bath sounds good. For both of us in fact.” Albus responded, gazing at Gellert’s equally dust-covered clothes. He sounded perfectly normal, almost like his usual self, albeit Gellert could still make out the slight crack in his voice, the slight shaking no one else would have noticed. No one, but him.

“Alright.”, he said gently and extended his hand to Albus. “Whenever you are ready then.”

…

He apparated them to the bathroom, beginning to prepare everything while making sure there was an obscene amount of foam and bubbles in the water, just as Albus liked it and then they finally were in the tub, him holding Albus in his arms, carefully pouring water over his head in order to free Albus’ hair from the last remains of dirt.

“You are clean now.”, he said quietly and Albus nodded leaning further into his embrace.

“Albus?”

“Yes?”

“I´m so glad that you are still here.”, he admitted. The opposite… it was just so unthinkable, if Albus had… no he would have never been able to forgive himself.

Albus exhaled shakily. “You know, I actually planned on telling you at some point, but…”

“But…?”

“I was afraid that you´d see me as weak.”, Albus whispered. “I didn’t want that you´d perceive me as something broken and I didn’t want to burden you with it, not after everything.”

Gellert tightened his grip around him and pressed a kiss to the other's neck. “Albus look at me.”, he said hoarsely.

Albus swallowed thickly, but obliged, adjusting in his grip until his blue eyes met Gellert´s mismatched ones.

 “You…you are the strongest person I know. I would never think such things.”, he said quietly, but firmly. “I would never see you as something broken or irreparable for that matter. Not only because I love you, but also because it just isn’t true.”

“I love you too.”, Albus' voice was faint, barely audible, but still there. Silent tears slowly fell from his cheeks and dripped into the water. Light shivers ran through his body and Gellert pulled him even closer until they finally subsided and Albus relaxed in his arms once again.

“And you can burden me with everything.”, he whispered. “No matter what it might be. I’ll be there for you. Always. And…Albus?”

“Yes?”

Gellert took a deep breath. “We don’t need to talk about it now if you don’t want to, but I…. know these things don’t go away just like that. Had you ever… did you ever feel like that again?”

For a long while Albus said nothing, just staring at the slowly dissolving foam, but then he began to speak his voice quiet, but still firm and strong, not wavering the slightest bit.

“I have never come so close like the day I wrote the letter… and it got more sporadic over the years and I also got better at keeping the thoughts at bay, but all in all the answer would be yes.”

Gellert nodded slowly, his grip around Albus tightening. A part of him didn’t want to ask the next question, but at the same time, he needed to know. He couldn’t go on without it.

“When… when was the last time you…?”

“A few years ago.”, Albus said. “But the thoughts have gotten much weaker. In fact, they are just that: thoughts. I didn’t feel tempted to… follow through with them anymore.”

“And yet when your hand got injured and you knew it to be fatal…”

Albus turned to him and there were now tears glittering on his cheeks. “I can’t deny that a part of me felt relieved at what happened. Can… can you forgive me for that?”

Gellert looked at Albus, carefully reaching out to wipe the tears off his face, ignoring the ones that had begun to wet his own.

“I love you.”, he whispered, for that was what he wanted Albus to know first and foremost. “And like I said there’s nothing to forgive you for.”  

…

They took it slow the next day and Gellert made sure that they slept longer than usual, for he knew that yesterday’s conversation had exhausted Albus. Talking about it had been the right thing to do, but that didn’t mean that it had been easy. Such conversations never were. They made old wounds resurface, they were complicated, they hurt. But in the end, they helped one to process things, they helped one to heal. And despite all the years that had passed, Gellert knew that Albus' wounds had never really had the chance to recover. He had just gotten too good at hiding them.

“We can’t afford to lay here all day.”, Albus mumbled snuggling closer to him, sighing softly as Gellert’s familiar warmth embraced him. “We need to get up.”

“I know.”, Gellert said and ran a hand through Albus' hair. As much as he wished they could just remain in bed, he knew that it wasn’t possible. They couldn’t afford to waste more time. He knew that they needed to be out there, that they needed to contact the Order and especially search for the trio. They should rather be making strategies and hunting down horcruxes right now instead of laying here. There was a war to win after all. He knew that, but he still let out an annoyed huff when Albus broke out of his embrace, the morning sun reflecting on his crimson nightrobes as he rose, while Gellert swore to himself that one day he would let this so-called dark wizard pay for stealing their sleep.

The rest of the morning progressed quite uneventfully. They received a few reports from the Order, assessing the consequences of yesterday’s fight and sent an owl to every member who had gone into hiding.

It was when they picked up on their Horcrux research again that Gellert sensed it. And he knew that Albus did too, for the other suddenly paused mid-sentence and grabbed his wand. Someone or something was approaching their safety wards. Of course, it could have just been a random muggle, but they were in the middle of nowhere and in times like this a simple coincidence was unlikely. Albus nodded to the door, and he followed him, both of them communicating through glances and gestures without exchanging a single word. They shouldn’t be able to hear them, but still… one could never be careful enough. Outside everything seemed perfectly alright, the sand, the waves breaking on the shore …. nothing out of the ordinary except…

“We´ve been searching for half an hour are you even sure it's here.” The voice seemed to come out of nowhere and seemed oddly familiar, but somehow, he couldn’t quite place it.

“Yes, I´m sure there are probably safety wards around it, so it isn’t visible to us. But it was here I just know.”

Someone snorted. “What makes you even think Dumbledore is here? I’m sure he has better hideouts than the house from this Averill guy.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that it’s their house, they live there together it was blatantly obvious.”

“Just because you saw Dumbledores knitting stuff- “

“It wasn’t just that, it was how they interacted they-  ugh forget it.”

“Ok, but if your theory is true, that Averill guy must be really afraid of Voldemort, I mean seeking refuge at Hogwarts is one thing, but urging Dumbledore to move into his house is a bit much, isn’t it?”

“Sometimes you really have the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon Ron.”

“Would you two please shut up.”, said a third voice. “You´ll give us away.”

“Wasn’t that the whole plan? I mean we won’t get in if they don’t notice us. That is if they are even there.”

“Can´t you have faith in me just this once?”

“I have faith in you, I´ve been copying your homework for six years.”

“Maybe that isn’t the smartest thing to admit in front of your headmaster; Mr. Weasley.”, Albus said with a chuckle and Gellert realized that they could see them now, because suddenly footprints appeared in the sand, going in their direction. Then they finally removed their invisibility cloak and a tad annoyed-looking Harry came to light, Ron and Hermione, following close behind him, still scowling at each other.

“So, I take that you missed the owl, we sent this morning?”, Albus asked while he began to put their safety wards back in check and Gellert quickly joined him, their spells effortlessly complementing each other.

Ron groaned. “Really? Our three-hour search was for nothing?”

“Correct, five points to Hufflepuff.”, Gellert said and enjoyed the outraged look on the redheads face.

“I´m a Gryffindor.”

“Whatever.”

“Averill.”, said Albus and gave him a warning look.

“Don’t worry, Albus I remember your house perfectly well. Green really is your colour.”

Albus sighed. “My apologies, he is usually more bearable when he didn’t forget to drink his coffee in the morning.”

Gellert glared at him, another remark already laying on this tongue when Hermione suddenly said. “Oh, so you didn’t attend Hogwarts?”

He sighed mentally. Of course. He tended to forget how perceptive she was. For a moment he considered telling her that he went to Ilvermorny, but he didn’t even know where the school was located, so maybe Beauxbatons would be better or he could insist that he, of course, went to Hogwarts and that he was the huffliepuffliest Hufflepuff the world had ever seen or he could tell her he went to Durmstrang and make it sound like a joke, but then Albus shoot him one of his “Fix that immediately gazes” and he settled on the boring variant instead. “No, I was home-schooled.”, he said and shrugged. “My parents were more of the worrying type, you know.”

They sat down in their living room and Albus was glad that he had moved his knitting stuff to the library recently, for Hermione already looked suspicious enough. Not that Gellert’s comments would have improved anything.

“Nice house professor.”

Albus chuckled and watched Harry’s gaze wander through the room, taking in the various fluffy carpets, the comfy armchairs and the books sprawled on the coffee table. It amused him for it was the exact same look that Harry always wore when he came into his office, always curious on finding out more, always keen on exploring new things. Maybe it was also that tendency that got the boy into trouble most often.

“Well, my interior designer was really good, I would recommend him.”, he said and thought he saw Gellert blush slightly, but he had surely just imagined that.

“Anyways we should probably get to the point, shall we?”

The trio nodded and Albus saw Harry take a deep breath as if preparing himself for something that he thought would be difficult.

“Professor we want to go and search the Horcruxes.”, the boy said firmly. “I know it’s dangerous, but I believe it’s my right to go after Voldemort instead of just wasting away in some of the Order's safe houses, while others fight for me. And also, I was never really fit for standing on the sidelines, weren’t I? I’ve always got involved sooner or later, whether I planned to or not, so we concluded that it would be easiest to…”

“Harry.”, Albus interrupted gently. “There is no need to convince me, that you are ready for it.”

“Oh. “, Harry said surprised. “So, you have nothing against it?”

 Albus shook his head. “Nothing at all, but there are some rules of course. Firstly, I and Averill are also going to hunt the Horcruxes down.”

“Oh.”, said Ron looking at Gellert in confusion. “But isn’t he way too afraid of… ooww Hermione what was that for.”

“What are you talking about, I´ve done nothing.”

“Yeah sure.”, Ron replied and glared at her. “The kick only came from your direction.”

“No, it didn’t, because I didn’t kick you, Ron.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then how do you explain…”

Gellert cleared his throat. “I´m sorry to interrupt, but I think we aren’t quite finished here.”

“Right.”, Hermione said looking a tad embarrassed, while throwing another annoyed glare at Ron whose face seemed a bit redder than usual, but still returned her gaze in an almost stubborn fashion.

“Alright... as I was telling you, you are allowed to search for them, but only under one condition: you don’t get yourselves into unnecessary danger without reaching out to us first.” Albus looked at each of them individually. “Have you understood?”

“Yes, Professor.”, the trio said in unison.

Albus smiled. “Good, then let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Me and Averill have developed some theories about what or where the remaining horcruxes may be. As you have surely noticed by now Voldemort sticks to a certain pattern when it comes to choosing objects that could be turned into Horcruxes. The ring belonged to his mother once and the book well the book was the direct proof that he is in fact the heir of Slytherin. In other words: he picks things that have an emotional value or meaning to him. Naturally, we don’t know how many of them Voldemort has created, but we have the theory that he divided his soul into seven parts in total.”

Ron shuddered. “Why in seven?”

“Well as the more intelligent ones of you, are surely aware, „Gellert said. “Seven is a magic number. Actually, many believe it’s the most powerful number when it comes to magic.

“But is dividing your soul so many times and surviving it even possible?”, Hermione asked, curiosity written all over her face. “Isn’t creating one Horcrux already dangerous enough?”

“It is.”, Albus said and gave her a small smile. “But we believe it’s doable if one’s magic is strong enough.”

Harry frowned. “And after one made the horcruxes… is there any way of putting yourself back together?”

“Yes.”, Albus said simply. “But it would be excruciatingly painful.”

“Why? How do you do it?”, asked Ron.

“Remorse.”, Gellert responded a grim expression on his face. “You´ve got to really feel what you´ve done. So, if our infamous little dark lord here doesn’t have a sudden change of mind, we need to destroy them ourselves.”

Albus nodded. “Like I said we already made some assumptions about where or what they may be. There is Voldemort’s snake for example.”

“Nagini? So, living beings can be a Horcrux?”

“Correct Mr. Weasley.”, he said calmly. “And he controls that snake extraordinarily well, even for a parseltongue.”

“Then there is Hufflepuffs cup of course.”, Gellert said and looked at Harry. “You´ve seen the memory I believe?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We aren’t sure about the whereabouts of that one yet, but at least we know how it looks like.”

“And since he seems to have a bit of an obsession with items that once belonged to the founders, we strongly believe that he has made another Horcrux of something that once belonged to Ravenclaw.”, he added.

“Why not from Gryffindor?”, Hermione asked.

“Because the only known item remaining from Gryffindor is this one here.”, Albus said nonchalantly and pointed to the sword, which he had mercifully remembered to take with him after their meeting with Scrimgeour and was now leaning on the wall opposite of them.

“But…how do you know that You Know Who hasn’t turned it into a Horcrux as well?”

Hermione groaned. “You could sense that, Ron.”
“Correct Mrs Granger.”, Albus said bemused. “And even if one couldn’t, the sword being a Horcrux would still be impossible.”

“And why?”, Harry asked.

“Because it’s soaked with basilisk venom, as you surely remember.”, Gellert said sounding annoyed. “One of the easiest ways to destroy a Horcrux while other methods like fiend fire require the wizard to be a tad more skilled.”

“Exactly. And that brings us to the last Horcrux that we need to discuss today. The Medallion.”

“Kreacher said that Mundungus took it.”, Harry said. “He´s currently after him.”

“Good, then you should take the sword with you.”, Gellert announced.

Ron frowned. “And how are you going to destroy the Horcruxes then? I mean it’s a bit impractical isn’t it, we would constantly have to drop off the sword at…”

Gellert sighed. “I believe that I and Albus have the required abilities it takes to control fiend fire since we aren’t exactly Hogwarts first years, so no worries you can keep it.”

“Oh.”, said Ron turning slightly red. “I haven’t thought of that.”

“What a surprise.”, Gellert mumbled under his breath and Albus shot him a warning glance before he said. “So that would be cleared then, any other questions?”

The three of them shook their head. “Perfect. Then take the sword and don’t hesitate to reach out to us should you ever need aid.”, Albus said beaming at the trio. “I believe you know where you can find us.”

They could hear them argue the whole way down to the beach.

“See it wasn’t a waste of time.”

“Still, we could have just waited for them to contact us.”

“But I was right about them living together.”

“Yeah, but only because this Averill guy is too afraid…”

“That’s bullshit Ron, he helped Dumbledore to develop the theories about the Horcruxes, I believe he´s just as equally skilled as…”

Ron sighed. “Yeah of course Dumbledore would say that, he didn’t want that Averill guy to feel bad because he is not as smart as... oowww stop that.”

“But that wasn’t me.”

“Sure, it was.”

Albus turned to Gellert. “Could you stop tormenting my students please?”

“Well, technically they aren’t your students anymore.”

“Gellert.”

 “Fine, what gave me away?”

Albus grinned. “Nothing, I just know you too well.”

“Yeah probably.”, Gellert said and watched as the trio put the invisibility cloak over them once again and disapparated with a little “plop”. “Do you plan on telling Harry?”

“Telling Harry what?”

“That there are eight Horcruxes.”

“I don’t know how.”, Albus said quietly. “I mean how do you tell someone that he has to die?”

The thought alone made him feel sick. How could he ever muster the strength to say it, how could he ever tell such a thing to a seventeen-year-old, while he had white hair and wrinkles on his face? He didn’t want to crush all of Harry's hopes and dreams with the cruel and merciless thing that one called truth. But he needed to, and he knew that they didn’t have much time anymore. It probably was for the best, if he just got over with it, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“He needs to know sooner or later.”, Gellert murmured, and he sighed softly as the other embraced him from behind. 

“I know.”, he said weakly. “But I can’t tell him. Not yet.”

“Albus.”

“I will do it eventually, but it's too early, we don’t even know how long it will take to find all the Horcruxes and I…”

“Albus.”

He sighed. “I will tell him when our search is nearing the end. What use is there in him knowing now? I want him to live these last months without constantly being reminded that he is walking to his own execution.”

Gellert pressed a light kiss to his cheek. “Some would say that isn’t fair.”

“And what would you say?”, he whispered.

“I would say that you care too much about him.”

Chapter Text

The summer was nearing its end and Wizarding Great Britain was plastered with posters of his and Harry’s faces.

It had been a quite peculiar sight when he’d first seen it, but Albus was almost used to it by now. They were almost everywhere when they made one of their few necessary trips down Diagon Alley, always under disguise, always ready to defend themselves should anyone grow suspicious.

“Undesirable Number Two.”

He had laughed when he’d first read the words written in bold black letters under a photograph of him in his favourite purple robes; it didn’t even look too bad, he needed to admit and apparently, Gellert found that too, for a stolen poster hung in their kitchen now and he hadn’t been allowed to remove it because Gellert “very much liked to enjoy a good view while brewing his coffee in the morning”.

Not that Gellert could have just looked out of the window, for the sea really looked magnificent in the morning light, but the other had only shrugged as he had pointed that out and said that he’d rather be looking at him.

And that had been it because Albus had found himself unable to say anything in response, maybe also due to the fact that he’d been very busy with rearranging their notes while hoping that Gellert wouldn’t notice that his cheeks were a bit rosier than usual.

In any case, the poster remained where it was.

Aside from that, nothing much happened in the last summer weeks. It felt almost strange and somehow Albus couldn't shake the feeling that something would happen. Maybe not yet, but soon. He was no seer like Gellert, but his instincts had seldomly failed him and as much as he tried to reassure himself that it was nothing and that he was just overanalyzing things, there was a part in him that disagreed with this statement. And this part remained, no matter what he told himself.

They stayed at their hideout, occasionally corresponding with the trio, who had found out about the whereabouts of the medallion with the help of Kreacher. If everything worked out as it should, they should be able to get hold of it soon and they would be one step closer to beating Voldemort once and for all.

The rest of their days were spent hunched over newspapers and notes upon notes, developing theories about Voldemort’s plans and next steps, while sporadically getting out to meet with members of the Order.

On these occasions, they encountered Dementors more and more often. They seemed to have spread rapidly since they’d left Azkaban and just like the posters were seen almost everywhere now, they were too, frequently hovering in close proximity of helpless muggles, distributing coldness and despair wherever they went.

He and Gellert avoided getting close to them as much as possible, even taking detours if necessary.

It wasn’t that they couldn’t have dealt with them. They both were able to conjure a corporeal patronus without much effort, but his phoenix patronus was simply too recognizable, as was Gellert’s naturally. Sometimes he still wondered if what he’d seen that night, when Gellert had revealed that he was still in love with him, even after everything and had conjured a patronus to prove it, a phoenix one, just like his, sometimes he wondered if what he’d seen then was indeed true or if he’d only imagined it all, along with Gellert being by his side again, along with Gellert loving him. But then Gellert would lay an arm around his shoulder and look at him so gently, so affectionately or he’d bring him his favourite tea, always brewed to perfection, despite the fact that Gellert himself never drank it and then he’d know that it was indeed real, that they had indeed gotten a second chance.

But their patroni weren’t the only reason they avoided the dementors as much as they did. He’d never spoken of it, but Gellert still seemed to know somehow. He seemed to know that in close proximity with the Dementors old memories rose in his mind, from a woman screaming and begging them to not take her husband away, from Aberforth crying and holding Ariana, from the dark, dull pain that had spread in his chest when he’d realized that he’d never see his father ever again.

They were old memories and he’d learned to live with them over the years, but they resurfaced when a Dementor came near. It didn’t affect him as strongly as it had as a young man, but even though his emotions seemed more distant now, it was all still there the dread, the despair, the hopelessness, everything he’d felt back then. Sometimes he wondered if that was how his father had felt before dying or if it had been worse. Sometimes he wondered if he’d even want to know.

...

It was surreal when the first of September rolled around.

It felt like any other day when Albus woke, with Gellert already downstairs preparing some tea and coffee, with the morning sun peeking into their bedroom and the sound of the waves in the distance crashing ashore. But it wasn’t any other day and the queasy feeling in his stomach only intensified when he got the latest issue of the Daily Prophet later that morning.

“DARK ARTS WILL NOW FINALLY BE TAUGHT AT HOGWARTS”

While Hogwarts former Headmaster and Undesirable Number Two Albus Dumbledore, equally to all blood traitors always vehemently opposed the establishment of Dark Arts as a subject, the ministry now cleared the way to finally instate Dark Arts at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“Dark Arts will play a vital part in the upbringing of every young witch and wizard that frequents Hogwarts and will replace Defence Against the Dark Arts.”, claimed Minister of Magic Pius Thicknesse in a statement he gave the Daily Prophet on Wednesday evening.

Priorly the minister had appointed Severus Snape as the new headmaster of Hogwarts.

He felt Gellert’s gaze on him, when he put the newspaper down, as if waiting for him to say something or perhaps just to see if he was alright. But he felt it held no use to talk about it. The ministry had fallen, and Hogwarts was in the hand of the Death Eaters. He wouldn’t return. Not yet. The Horcruxes came first and the quicker they found them, the quicker all of this would end. They played a vital part in their battle against Voldemort and Hogwarts, well Hogwarts didn’t. They needed to set priorities. It was the right thing to do, he knew, albeit it still made him feel guilty. He would fail them. The students, the staff, he would fail them, but it was the most sensible choice. They needed to beat Voldemort once and for all and that was only possible if they destroyed the Horcruxes.

Which brought Albus back to their notes, laying on the table in front of them, waiting to be picked up.

“We should probably continue with our research.”

“Probably.”, Gellert said, but his gaze continued to linger on him and for a short moment he looked like he wanted to say something else, but eventually he just picked up their notes and the rest of their morning was occupied with work.

It was a welcome distraction, albeit the queasy feeling remained, as well as a certain restlessness, for his thoughts continued to linger on the students, and he could only hope that Minerva, Filius and also Severus (as far as his role allowed it) would be able to protect the most helpless among them. He knew Gellert picked up on it when he came back from Diagon Alley not only with the potion ingredients they had needed (preparation for worst-case scenarios, because one never knew in these times) but also with a raspberry cake or when he prolonged their daily walk by claiming that he wanted to stay at the beach a bit longer, for the weather was so good and they might as well profit from that.

He didn’t ask about it though and when they went to bed Albus almost wondered if the question would ever come, but then he couldn’t sleep due to this mind being again over 500 miles north and he felt Gellert’s gaze on him even through the darkness. It was then that he realized that the other had only been waiting to see if he would bring it up himself.

“Is it that obvious?”

“For me yes.”

Albus sighed. “I’m afraid I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

“It’s only natural to be worried or to miss it.”, Gellert said still watching him intently. “Hogwarts has been your home for decades after all.”

Albus nodded but said nothing in response, only adjusted his position on the bed and got closer to Gellert, placing his head on the other's chest.

It was comforting to stay like this, with Gellert’s hands gently running through his hair, even though a part of him was still elsewhere, even though it didn't make him feel as calm as it usually did.

“Albus.”

“Yes?”

“You aren’t going to sleep tonight, are you?”

He wanted to protest at first, but there had never been use in lying to Gellert after all. They knew each other too well.

“Probably not.”

“Good.”, Gellert said and broke away from their position, conjuring their cloaks with a flick of his hand. “Then get dressed, I have a surprise for you.”

...

Gellert was waiting for him in the foyer when he came down, a mysterious back slung over his shoulder.

“What’s in there?”

“Oh, you´ll see.”, Gellert said, a smug expression on his face.

“You enjoy keeping me in the dark, do you?”

Gellert grinned. “One could say so. Surprising the great Albus Dumbledore isn’t always an easy task.”

“Well, it is, since you managed to renovate a whole house without me noticing, remember?”

“Alright, maybe I should differentiate, it isn’t an easy task for most people.”, Gellert said and took his hand, guiding him outside.

Albus chuckled. “And of course, you aren’t like most people.”

“Well, I would hope so, otherwise we'd be a terrible fit.”, Gellert said.

“Oh, would we?”, Albus said teasingly. “A former dark wizard and the great hero who defeated him, I believe most would argue that we already are.”

Gellert looked at him. “But they don’t know what they are talking about, do they?”

“Not really.”, he said softly. “They wouldn’t get it.”

“Exactly.”, Gellert replied and gently cupped his face.

And as Albus leaned in for a kiss he could only think about how right this felt, how safe, how comforting. Gellert had always felt like home to him, even in times when he would have never admitted it. He could have never explained it to anyone, he doubted that people would even understand, but from the moment he had first seen Gellert he had known. It had been clear that he would never be able to escape this. No matter how much he had wanted to later on. They had both tried to forget one another. But neither had succeeded and when he had freed Gellert, gotten him out of prison after so many years, he had felt it again, despite all his self-doubts. Peace, wonderful, simple peace, as if something in him had been dislocated for years and had only now snapped back into his rightful place.

“We should probably get going.”, he murmured after a while their mouths still only inches apart.

Gellert nodded. “But we need to conceal ourselves first…it will be a bit risky, but it’s worth it.”

“A bit risky?”

Gellert raised his eyebrows. “A tiny bit.”, he said and turned them both invisible with a flicker of his wand.

“Do you trust me?”

“Always.”

And then he felt something grab his arm and they were gone.

When they landed, he knew where they were in an instant. Everything was familiar. Too familiar. The pebbles under his shoes, the water that lapped gently against them, the forest looming in the distance, not to mention the reflection of a certain castle dancing over the lake.

“Gel.”, he hissed. “Have you gone mad?”

A light chuckle came from the darkness and a familiar hand grabbed his, pulling him over to a bench that hadn’t been there a second earlier while placing a warm blanket around their shoulders.

“Come on Albus, we are invisible, and we don’t plan on going inside, do we? We should be safe. And I thought you'd enjoy a good view.”

“Well, you also once thought I’d enjoy Bertie Boots beans of all flavours.”, Albus said now looking directly at Hogwarts. The castle's appearance was as imposing and fascinating as ever, an inexhaustible sea of light in the all-consuming darkness.

Even after so many years as a headmaster the sight never failed to impress him.

“Well, you certainly did, since the first three were strawberry flavoured.”, Gellert said with a chuckle. “While the fourth… no we don’t talk about the fourth, do we?”

“No, we don’t.”, Albus said firmly. “Sometimes it feels like I can still taste it, when I only look at them.”

Gellert chuckled. “Well for me, it's still one of the most amusing memories I have from that summer.”

Albus raised his eyebrows. “Well, I must say I have better ones. Me throwing up all over your room surely isn’t one of them.”

“You didn’t. You threw up all over my favourite shirt.”

Albus chuckled. “The black one, that looked exactly like the other five black ones?”

Gellert scoffed. “They weren’t all the same, there was a difference in…

“…tailoring and cut, only visible to the trained eye.”, Albus said slight amusement in his voice. “You told me at least twenty times.”

“I apologize I must have seemed like a terrible snob.”

“Well, you were a snob, albeit a very handsome one I must admit.”

“Was I?”

“You still are.”, Albus said and Gellert laughed.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should because it’s true.”

He felt how Gellert leaned closer. “That I’m handsome or a snob?”

“I think the answer to that is quite obvious, isn’t it?”, Albus responded and reached out to caress Gellert’s cheek.

“Admit it you’d definitely opt for the snob one.”

“Definitely.”, said Albus and pressed a quick kiss to Gellert’s lips, before resting his head on the other's shoulder.

There was light coming from his office window by now and Albus wondered what Severus was doing. It was strange to know that another lived at the place, that had been his home for years. It was strange to know that some of his belongings were still up there, things he hadn’t been able to collect. Cloaks, books, his favourite tea set, a good part of his knitting magazines, his old wand. It hadn’t been necessary to take these things with him, so he had left it all behind, confident that he would return in September, but now he was sitting here and wondered what Severus had done with them. He hadn’t dared to ask the man, since every contact between them held the risk of being discovered and it wasn’t urgent after all, but still, his thoughts continued to linger on it, as well as on the students who now needed to adapt to a Hogwarts that could no longer be called welcoming or even safe.

“Albus?”

“Yes?”

“It will be alright.”, said Gellert, placing a hand on his knee and there lay an almost dangerous undertone in his voice as he added. “We will win Hogwarts back eventually. I promise you.”

...

It was way past midnight when they returned. To his surprise seeing Hogwarts had actually helped, for the restlessness and uneasiness that had accompanied Albus throughout the day had faded, as if the mere confirmation that the castle still existed, that he could still go back there, if also not inside was already enough to give him the courage and strength he needed. They would return. It was only a matter of time.

And perhaps that had been Gellert’s aim in the first place, for he looked pleased with himself as if he knew perfectly well that Albus was better. If he did, he didn’t mention any of it and Albus was too tired to ponder on it, perfectly content with drifting off to sleep with Gellert’s arms wrapped around his body.

It was in the early morning hours when Albus awoke and noticed that Gellert wasn’t beside him anymore. At first, he didn’t think much of it. Surely the other had just gone to the bathroom or maybe he had been thirsty and grabbed himself a glass of water. He would have awoken him if he’d had a nightmare. Gellert had always kept his promise up to now. There was no reason to worry. Surely everything was alright.

But still… Albus felt a certain uneasiness in his stomach, he couldn’t quite place and when Gellert didn’t return after fifteen minutes he got out of bed and made his way down the hall. Everything seemed perfectly normal. No signs of a fight or an intruder, the only thing he noticed was that the bathroom door was slightly ajar.

“Gellert?”, he called as he reached for it. No answer.

“Gellert?”, he tried again, but nothing. Something here didn't seem quite right. He took his wand out and slowly opened the door, ready to defend himself at any moment and… For a moment he couldn’t quite place what he saw. Because it didn’t make much sense, to see himself dead on the bathroom floor. To be frank it didn’t make any sense at all. But then he saw Gellert sitting in the corner, eyes wide and unseeing, his wand slightly shaking as he mumbled a faint “Ridiculous” over and over again. But nothing happened. The boggart just remained where he was.

Albus cautiously stepped closer. It had been a long time since he had last faced a boggart and his hand was shaking slightly as he took another few steps, expecting it to turn into Ariana at any moment now. But that didn’t happen.

It turned into Gellert instead.

He hadn’t been ready for that. Not in the slightest. Seeing Gellert lay there, completely still, and unmoving, his face pale, his neck twisted at an unnatural angle… it was all too much.

“No.,” he whispered, for Gellert couldn’t be dead, he needed him, how was he supposed to…

“This isn’t real.”, said a faint voice inside his head. “This isn’t real. It’s just a boggart.”

“It’s just a boggart. Gellert is fine.”, he muttered. He pointed his wand at the unmoving body. “Gellert is fine.”, he repeated, and his gaze settled on the real Gellert still sitting in the corner. He thought about them, snuggled up under a blanket, sitting by the Great Lake just a few hours ago. He thought of the wedding and the dance they’d had before everything went to hell. He thought of Gellert holding his hand, of Gellert going to a muggle store late at night only to get him his favourite sherbet lemons when he’d run out while doing their Horkrux research. He thought of a certain summer day, many years ago when Aberforths goats suddenly had been green-feathered chicken and of a young boy who had tried his best to look innocent but failed terribly.

He tightened the grip on his wand.

“Ridiculous.”, he said firmly, and the boggart burst into pieces.

Gellert didn’t seem to notice. He was still shaking, when Albus reached him, his eyes fixated on something that wasn’t there anymore.

“Gellert.”, he said and cupped the other's face with both of his hands. “Gellert I´m here.”

Gellert let out a choked sob, wrapping his arms around him. “Albus.”, he whispered faintly, and Albus' heart constricted at the pain in Gellert’s voice. How long had he endured the Boggart? How long had he been staring at this lifeless illusion of him, unable to do anything?

“I'm here.”, he whispered and gently caressed Gellert’s cheek. “I'm here. It wasn’t real. Nothing of that was.”

Gellert let out a shuddering breath, tear streaks still evident on his face, his eyes puffy and red.

“Gellert.”, Albus said quietly. “I´ll be right back. I'll just go over to the sink and wet a cloth to clean…”

“No.”, Gellert croaked out and tightened his grip on him and then he added, barely audible. “Please.”

“It's alright.”, Albus said softly “We will go together then. Can you stand up?”

Gellert nodded and Albus supported him, staggering slightly as they made their way to the sink. He conjured a cloth and held it under the tap, making sure the water was neither too cold nor too warm. Then he carefully began to clean Gellert's face, until the tear streaks vanished, and his eyes didn’t look so swollen anymore.

Gellert let out a shuddering breath. “Albus…you don’t need to- “

“But I want to.”, he said softly and wiped the last tear stains away. “There. Much better.”

“Thank you.”, Gellert whispered.

“No need to thank me. Now let’s get you back to bed hmm?”

He apparated them back to their room and settled them both onto the bed, making sure that Gellert was safely tucked in under the blanket. He was still shivering slightly and Albus wrapped his arms around him, letting him bury his face in his chest.

“It's pathetic, really.”, Gellert said after a while, voice hoarse. “I can master the most complex spells but fail at something a 13-year-old could have managed.”

Albus shook his head. “It isn’t pathetic. After Ariana’s death, I wasn´t able to face a boggart for years.”

“But you can do it now.”, Gellert said. “I wouldn´t have managed it without you. I heard a weird sound coming from under the sink, as soon as I entered and then saw your dead body and… I suppose my brain just shut down. I mean some part of me knew what it was, but somehow, I just couldn’t… I just couldn’t think clearly…I just couldn’t…”

The shivers got worse and Albus tightened his grip around Gellert, pressing a soft kiss to his head.

“I'm so sorry that you had to endure that.”, he whispered. “But everything is alright now. I'm here. I'll always be here."

This night the nightmares got worse again. Gellert felt exhausted and his whole body yearned for sleep, but it just didn’t stop. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Albus dying. After the fifth time, he tried to act like everything was fine, after he’d awoken once again images of Albus' corpse flashing at the forefront of his mind. He tried to tell Albus that he could handle it, that he would go downstairs and sleep on the couch. That it was alright. But Albus wouldn’t have it. He just continued to hold him, cradling him like a child, telling him that he was here over and over and over and over again. Gellert didn’t know how long they lay there, but when the first sun rays peeked through their bedroom window, he decided to give up on sleep altogether. He told Albus that he should try to rest a bit, while he would go downstairs and prepare breakfast. It was too early for that, he knew, but he needed to distract himself now and there was something calming, almost reassuring in brewing Albus’ favourite tea, and making his distastefully sweet oatmeal. It proved that his dreams were indeed just that. Dreams.

He had just finished setting the table with an elegant swirl of his wand when an owl knocked on their kitchen window. It was carrying a rectangular package, wrapped in burgundy red paper, with a small card fixated on top. He frowned. Apart from the Daily Prophet, they weren’t awaiting anything.

When he opened the card there stood only two sentences.

“Happy birthday! I hope you have a great day.”

Your friend Severus

It didn’t make any sense at all, but it took Gellert only seconds to understand. He pointed his wand at the paper and murmured “Revelio.”

The words changed, now it read:

“It came out today. I thought it’d be better to alert you as soon as possible.”  

He started to unwrap the package.

It was a book.

Glittering gold letters, purple cover and a very familiar someone on the front.

 “The life and lies of Albus Dumbledore”, by Rita Skeeter.

Stripping away the popular image of serene, silver-bearded wisdom, Rita Skeeter reveals the disturbed childhood, the lawless youth, the lifelong feuds and the guilty secrets Dumbledore never cared to acknowledge. – The Daily Prophet

He couldn’t help it. He began to laugh. He would have been worried if the book had come from anyone else, someone that was actually respectable, someone that deserved to be called a journalist and didn’t tend to invent his own stories in order to gain fame. But Rita Skeeter had not a single one of these qualities and therefore there was no need to worry. This book would be filled with anything. With rumours, baseless accusations, half-baked theories, with anything, but the truth.

He opened the book at random and skimmed through the pages.

-discovering the Potter-Dumbledore relationship

-unnatural interest from the moment the boy showed up at Hogwarts

-unhealthy, one could say even sinister

It's certainly an open secret that Potter had a most troubled adolescence

Ivor Dillonsby claims he had already discovered eight uses of dragon's blood when Dumbledore 'borrowed' his papers."

He snorted. Nonsense just like he thought.

Gellert –

Your point about wizard dominance being FOR THE MUGGLES' OWN GOOD - this, I think, is the crucial point…

The book slipped out of his hands and fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Chapter Text

„Gellert? Everything alright? “

He heard Albus steps on the staircase and in the corridor, coming closer and closer to the kitchen.

Why did he need to come down just now?

He didn’t have much time. Albus couldn’t see this. He couldn’t show him the book.

He needed to do something. Anything.

Albus appeared in the doorway.

“Gellert?”

“Yes?”

“Everything alright? I think I heard some strange noise.”

“I just dropped something. “, Gellert said nonchalantly. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Oh alright, do you still need help preparing breakfast? I could…”

“Screech.” He spun around. There was an owl sitting behind the curtain. “Screech.”

A very familiar one.

He had been so caught up in opening the mysterious package.

He had forgotten to let her out.

He hurriedly opened the window, sending that damn thing away, but he already knew that it was too late.

“Gellert, did we get a message?”

He was screwed.

“Yes.”, he said, since that part was blatantly obvious. “But it wasn’t important.”

“What was it about it?”

“Like I said nothing relevant. I already threw it away.”

Albus narrowed his eyes.

“Albus it really wasn’t…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I´m not.”

“You are.”, Albus said calmly, but there was a tinge of hurt in his voice. “What was the message about?”

Gellert looked at him. He didn’t know what to do.

Lying further would make it seem like he didn’t trust Albus. And that would hurt him. But giving him the book also would. But then he’d find out anyways.

Everyone would. The Order. The trio. There would be questions. And he couldn’t Albus shield from them forever, could he? As much as he hated it, this was too big. He couldn’t protect Albus.

He pulled out the card.

“I think you should read this first.”, he said softly and handed Snape's message to Albus.

Albus frowned. “It came out today. What does that mean?”

He took a deep breath, steadying himself for the inevitable. “Rita Skeeter wrote a book about you.”

“Oh.”, Albus said, sounding relieved. “Well, she wrote quite nasty articles about me too. There was this one time when she called me an obsolete dingbat. “He chuckled. “Don’t worry I can handle it.”

“Albus, you don’t understand.”, he said weakly. “It’s not…”

“It’s not what…”

“She knows.”

The blood seemed to drain from Albus' face. “How much?”, he croaked out.

Gellert looked at him. “Everything.”

On one subject, however, Bathilda is well worth the effort I put into procuring Veritaserum, for she, and she alone, knows the full story of the best-kept secret of Albus Dumbledore’s life...

-both such brilliant young boys, they got on like a cauldron on fire.

Is it possible that Ariana Dumbledore was the first person to die "for the greater good"?

It came as an awful shock. Gellert was there in the house when it happened, and he came back to my house all of a dither, told me he wanted to go home the next day. Terribly distressed, you know. So, I arranged a Portkey and that was the last I saw of him."

Albus was beside himself at Ariana's funeral. It was so dreadful for those two brothers.

We seize control FOR THE GREATER GOOD.

However, there can be no doubt that Dumbledore delayed, for some five years of turmoil, fatalities, and disappearances, his attack upon Gellert Grindelwald.  

Albus couldn’t make any sense of the words written there. For the first time in his life, he didn’t understand anything at all, but for some reason, the sentences still stuck in his head. They just lingered, repeating over and over again, on an endless loop he wasn’t able to break.

Is it possible that Ariana Dumbledore was the first person to die "for the greater good?

Lights flashed before his eyes and nausea swept over him causing him to double over. His head hurt and he couldn’t breathe properly.

Certainly, Dumbledore returned to Godric's Hollow at once, supposedly to "care" for his younger brother and sister. But how much care did he actually give them?

He gasped for breath.

There didn’t seem to be enough air in the room.

“Albus.”, Gellert's voice seemed distant, almost muffled, as if they were separated by a wall and not currently beside each other.

He felt something grab his arm. “You need to calm yourself.”

But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“I understand.”, said Gellert. “I understand, but you need to breathe. Could you do this?

Please for me?”

His voice was so tender. So gentle. And calm.

“Please, Albus. Can you try?”

A hand reached out and rubbed his back in soothing circles.

“You got this. I know you do. Do you trust me?”

He nodded.

“Good. We are going to do this together. On the count of three, ok?”

1

2

3

“Breathe in.”

1

2

3

“Breathe out.”

1

2

3

“Breathe in.”

1

2

3

“Breathe out.”

1

2

3

In

1

2

3

Out

1

2

3

In

1

2

3

Out

“Everything’s alright. I’m here.”

Gellert’s voice seemed stronger now, closer.

1

2

3

In

“See, I knew you could do it.”

1

2

3

Out

1

2

3

In

The air seemed to return.

1

2

3

Out

The world seemed to sharpen. He got aware of it again. The shape, the smell, his surroundings. Gellert holding him ever so tenderly, still rubbing his back.

His heart pumping in his chest.

1

2

3

In

“Thank you.”, he pressed out.

1

2

3

Out

“I barely did anything. You´ve managed yourself.”

1

2

3

In

“They will demand answers.”

1

2

3

Out

“Don’t think about that now. We´ll figure it out. Together.”

A soft kiss was pressed onto his forehead.

“How about you lay down on the couch for a bit?”

“Alright.”

Gellert helped him to get up and he staggered as he leaned on him, but somehow, they still made it from the kitchen to the adjoining living room.

Gellert helped him onto the couch and carefully put a blanket over him.

“I´ll be right back, try to rest a little.”

About 10 minutes later Gellert returned balancing a tray with his favourite tea, a bowl of oatmeal and some sandwiches.

“What do you say to breakfast on the couch?”, he asked putting the tray on the coffee table.

“Sounds great, thank you.”, Albus said gently and reached for the oatmeal.  

He still felt a bit weak, but it soon got better after he had taken a few spoons. He sat up properly the woollen blanket enveloping him from all sides, giving the impression of some comfortably warm cocoon.

Gellert sat beside him, Rita’s book in his lap, seeming unsure whether to read or just burn it.

“She doesn’t know how she died. She just speculates.”, Gellert said after a while. “Aside from that, her image is awful. If we are lucky most people on our side will just assume it’s humbug or overexaggerated.”

“Yes, but the letter is in my handwriting.”, Albus said weakly. “And there’s this photo of us… and of course all the quotes from Bathilda…”

“Rita had no right to exploit her like this.”, Gellert said angrily. “How dare she use Verita serum on a helpless, old woman.”

And despite his exhaustion, Albus felt fury rise in him too. Writing nasty articles or even books was one thing, but tricking an oblivious Bathilda, just to get information crossed a line. Rita could write about him all she wanted, but Bathilda hadn’t deserved to be used like this. “Maybe we should check on her, make sure everything is alright?”

Gellert took his hand. “Not when you are in this state. You still need to rest.”

Albus looked at him. “You should lay down too. As far as I remember you haven’t gotten any sleep tonight.”

Gellert shook his head. “I can’t guarantee that I won’t have nightmares again. I don’t want to disturb you.”

“It doesn’t bother me. Please Gellert you are tired, I can see it.”

Gellert sighed. “Alright I’ll try, but if I indeed get nightmares and don’t happen to wake you with them, I’ll let you sleep.”

“Gellert-“

“Otherwise, I’ll continue with our work right away.”

Albus gave him a firm look. “Alright you don’t need to wake me, but that applies just this once. Promise me?”

“I promise.”, Gellert replied and settled on the couch, wrapping the woollen blanket around them both. It didn’t take long until the exhaustion got hold of him and Albus drifted off into light slumber.

…

Everything was dark and Gellert was running.

He needed to reach him.

He needed to be there, and he couldn’t be too late. That was all he knew.

The further he went, the thicker the air seemed to get until it ultimately reached an almost syrup-like consistency, which seemed to prevent him from moving, which seemed to prevent him from doing anything. But that couldn’t be. He needed to carry on… he needed to go on or….

Or what?

He wasn’t sure anymore.

He had known only seconds ago, but now the thought had slipped from his mind, had just evaporated like a water droplet on a particularly hot summer day.

If he could only get a moment, just a moment to remember….

“Tap.”

He needed to…

“Tap.”

“Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap”

He opened his eyes. There were about ten owls outside their living room window, each of them tapping against it.

“Gellert, could you?”, Albus mumbled, voice still heavy from sleep.

“Sure.”, he said and slowly rose.

He recognized most of them. There was Errol from the Weasleys, Lupin’s tawny owl, a grey feathered one, which was Kingsley’s and even one of Hogwarts school owls, presumably from Minerva or Hagrid.

“They all want answers, don’t they?”, Albus said, now standing behind him. He still looked rather tired. Gellert had been so focused on the owls, he hadn’t even heard him approach.

They untied every message and brought them over to the coffee table. Here they were now sitting on the couch, pieces of parchment in front of them, both not really wanting to read them, but knowing they had to.

“We better get over it.”, Albus said quietly and slowly unfolded the first letter.

Geller leaned over to get better access and they both skimmed through the words, wanting to confirm if it was as bad as they thought it would be. The letter came from Kingsley, and all in all the content was better than expected. He claimed that he didn’t trust anything Skeeter wrote, but also expressed his startlement regarding the contents of Albus’ letter and his supposed friendship with Gellert.

Most were like that. They demanded clarification on these contents, but there were no accusations, at least not yet. After all the book had still been written by Rita Skeeter.

They were almost through, when they sensed a familiar tingling again, indicating that someone was approaching their safety wards. Gellert wasn’t a tad surprised when they saw the trio standing at the beach.

“We want to know it.”, Harry said without even greeting them, looking at Albus only. “We want to know why you did it.”

Albus let out a deep sigh. “I was young.”, he began. “Young and terribly foolish. I won’t try to justify my actions back then. I have made mistakes and I…”

But to his surprise, Harry just cut Albus off with a wave of his hand. “Not that.”, he said. “I wasn’t talking about that. I want to know why you freed him.”

“Freed whom?”, asked Albus, his voice perfectly calm as if they were discussing Hogwarts lesson plans over afternoon tea. But Gellert could still see how his body got tense.

“Gellert Grindelwald of course.”, Hermione said just as nonchalantly, now looking Gellert directly in the eye.  

He wasn’t as surprised as he should have been. He hadn’t exactly expected her to figure it out, but still, after he’d spotted that photo of him and Albus printed in the book for everyone to see, something in him had known that it only was a matter of time. And yet he hadn’t thought that it’d be so quick, not to mention today. Maybe Hermione was smarter than he’d ever given her credit for.

“It was the photo, wasn’t it?”, he asked, and the girl nodded.

“Maybe I should have already grown suspicious when I read about Grindelwald dying in his cell at Nurmengard and your sudden appearance in the castle the day after or when none of the elder teachers seemed to recognize you even though you were supposedly an old friend of Dumbledore. But then it was Dumbledore, wasn’t it? Everyone trusts him, no one questions him, what came in convenient in that case. But after our last visit, I just couldn’t shake the thought that I had overseen something. The way you talked about Horcruxes, the way you explained what needed to be done… your intellect seemed to match Dumbledores, but then again if that was the case, why did I never hear a thing about you? I thought I was just reading too much into things, but then I saw this photo of you two and read Dumbledore's letter and about how close you were and well after that everything clicked into place.”

“But….”, said Ron his wide-eyed gazes full of disbelief. “When Hermione was right about everything, then it’s also true that… are you together?”

For a moment Gellert didn’t know how to react. If their relationship had been something that concerned only him, he would have just said the truth, would have just admitted it right then and there, would have told them that he loved Albus and he always had and that he couldn’t care less what they thought about it. But then loving and being loved took two people and when Albus tensed beside him, he realized that he couldn’t ruin him any further. Wasn’t it already enough that now everyone knew about their shared history? Wasn’t it already enough that the trio had found out about him?

“No.”, he said, albeit it hurt to say it, albeit it hurt to deny his love for Albus which had always felt so natural to him. “You are wrong about that one. We aren’t together.”

He could feel Albus gaze on him from the side and then suddenly he felt a hand, a very familiar hand take his.

“Thank you Gellert, but you don’t need to do this.”, Albus said softly and then looked directly at the trio. “We are in fact together. I loved him since we first met each other as young men.”

Harry stared at them. “But he…he is a monster.”, he spluttered out. “He´s basically a second Voldemort, he killed thousands of people he… it could have very well been him who murdered my parents.”

“Harry.”, Albus said calmly. “Please let’s get inside and I promise you, I will explain it as best as I can.”

It was strange to invite the trio into their living room again, for it felt the same as a few weeks ago when they had visited to inform them that they wanted to search for the Horcruxes. Only that they would discuss something entirely different now. Only that they now knew who he was.

“Can I get you some tea? Hot cocoa perhaps?”, Albus asked, but the trio didn’t answer, although Gellert could have sworn that Ron had looked tempted for a moment.

“He shouldn’t be free.”, Harry said instead. “50 years in prison aren’t enough for someone like him, not after everything he has done.”

For a moment Albus looked like he wanted to say something, but to everyone’s surprise, it was Gellert who spoke first.

“You are right.”, he said. “I should have been left there to rot. I know that I can’t reverse my actions, no matter how much I regret them. No matter how many good things I do. It will never compensate. 50 years aren’t enough, nor would have been sixty or seventy. I should have died there. I don’t deserve to be here. But you are misunderstanding something; this isn’t a question of earned and not earned. There are things more powerful than moral, justice or reason, things you need to acknowledge or they’ll slowly, but surely tear you apart.”

Harry looked at him, his face unreadable. “You should have let them then.”

“I couldn’t.”

Harry scoffed. “And why?”

“Because I’m not alone in this you see, Albus is in it too.” Gellert sighed. “The world isn’t always as black or white as you think Mr. Potter. Certain decisions can’t be right or wrong. Certain decisions are both.”

“You’ve done terrible things.”

“I have.”

“But you love him.”, Harry said, and his gaze settled on Albus.

“I do.”

“But…why?”, Ron spluttered out, his gaze darting back and forth between him and Albus. “You fought against each other, he imprisoned you, how can you both…?”

“You know Mr Weasley.”, Albus interrupted gently. “I ought to believe that contradictions are the essence of what makes our world so beautiful.”

Hermione looked at them. “That may be the truth, but this has to stop. At least the Order deserves to know, also because I figure there have been enough questions already.”, she added, looking at the letters, they had gotten before, which lay on the coffee table between them.

To Gellert’s surprise, Albus nodded. “I agree with you. In fact, I’ve decided to host a meeting where I’ll answer to every subject the book touches upon.”

He looked determined as he said this, but nonetheless tense and Gellert couldn’t help but reach out to take Albus' hand, ignoring the curious looks of the trio. “Are you sure?”, he asked quietly. “This is a big step, you don’t have to do this, you know?”

“I know.”, Albus said and gave his hand a short squeeze. “But I think it’s finally time to tell the truth.”

…

The meeting was to be held on the Tuesday of the following week at Grimmauld Place Number 12. Albus had called for it apparently because he wished to clarify on the contents of the book.                        No one besides the trio knew about the part that involved him. He felt restless the next days. He slept badly, he didn’t have much appetite and when he looked at the rings under Albus´ eyes or the way he poked at his food he got the impression that the other didn’t feel any better. They didn’t make much progress on their research either. Albus was constantly absorbed in the speech he would give, crossing out words and sentences and adding new ones, better ones, as if that summer and their love for each other could be explained through three thin pieces of parchment when a whole book wouldn’t be enough. The way he felt for Albus, the way his heart leapt in his chest, when he caught sight of these incredible blue eyes, the way he felt warmth spread in his chest, when he thought of him, how they understood each other just through looks and gestures alone, always knowing exactly what the other was thinking, even after so many years. That couldn’t be explained and that was the reason why they wouldn’t understand it. He was afraid, but not for himself. He didn´t really care what would happen to him. They couldn’t do much anyways. Of course, they could threaten to send him back to Nurmengard, but that was quite unrealistic given the ministry was currently under Voldemort’s control. But if they got through the war at some point and they still wanted to imprison him again, he and Albus would flee. They had agreed on that right after the talk with the trio, for it had been unfathomably clear that neither of them could stomach a separation a second time. And then there was of course still the possibility that the Order would react so badly that they would straight off attack them, after realizing that one of the most dangerous former dark wizards was in their midst. Of course, they had made precautions for worst-case scenarios like this one. If that were to happen Albus would call Fawkes to him since he could tear through any possible disapparate wards and would bring them here first, they would grab their most essential things (already neatly packed and stored away in their bedroom) and then they would go to Nurmengard. Albus had come up with that last part and he couldn’t help but admire him for it. It was even funny in a way. He would be where they probably wanted to have him, without them ever knowing. If he was honest, he wasn’t keen on returning, but it would be bearable with Albus by his side. Everything was bearable with Albus at his side. But he still hoped that it wouldn’t come to that. He didn’t want Albus to spend the rest of his life as a fugitive. He could never return to Hogwarts, he would lose the Order and all the people he knew were very dear to him, it would even pose a risk to ever return to his homeland and he didn’t want that for him. He didn’t want Albus to live in constant fear of being discovered, constantly having to watch out, having to be alert at any time, and not being able to trust anybody.

And it would all be his fault, wouldn’t it? In that case, he would ruin Albus' life another time.

...

“Albus please talk to me, I can see you are not well.” It was the evening before, and he just couldn’t bear it anymore. Albus had isolated himself in the living room all day, going over his speech, over and over and over again, refusing to do anything but. Refusing to go on a walk with him, refusing to keep him company in their library or for dinner. At least Gellert had gotten him to eat something at some point, albeit it hadn’t been much, only two slices of bread with raspberry jam and a cup of tea.

“It’s going to be alright.”, he said as he stepped closer. “And it’s okay to be afraid, I am too.”

Albus looked at him. “Not as much as I.”

“Not as much.”, he admitted and sat down beside him. “Is there something I can do for you?”

Albus looked at him. “Just stay by my side tomorrow.”

“Of course.”, Gellert whispered and pulled Albus into his arms. “I’ll be there, through everything.”

When the morning came time passed unusually fast. One moment they were getting dressed, in the next they were already having breakfast and when he gave the clock another glance it was nearly time.

He and Gellert stepped outside, their hands intertwined. Albus took a last look at the house that had become theirs over the months. It seemed to glow in the morning light.

“We will come back. I promise you.”, Geller said and squeezed his hand. Then everything began to dissolve.

Muggle London looked as peaceful and dull as always. No one would have guessed that they were in the midst of a war. And maybe he could have forgotten about it for a moment too, if it weren’t for the three dark figures, standing right outside the protection wards of Grimmauld Place N. 12.

He looked at them, and they looked back, unknowing that he was even there. Unknowing that the undesirable No. 1 and No. 2 were both in one place now, just a few meters from them.

Harry opened the door, his shirt sticking out of his trousers and his hair even more ruffled than usual.

“You are early.”

“And you have just gotten out of bed.”, said Gellert and strolled past him. Albus gave Harry an apologetic smile. “He is in a bit of a mood today, I´m afraid.”

“Isn´t he always?”, said Ron, now coming down the stairs, still yawning. Hermione followed behind him.

“Only when noisy redheads are around.”, said Gellert.

“Yeah sure.”, Ron said and turned to Hermione muttering under his breath. “I wonder how Dumbledore puts up with him.”

Albus chuckled. “Don’t take his comments to heart Mr. Weasley, my hair used to be reddish too when I was younger.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t noisy. At least most times.”, Gellert said, giving him an ambiguous grin and Albus was glad that there was a knock on the door, signalling the arrival of another Order member before the trio could think too much about that comment.

Soon enough Grimmauld place was filled with people and indistinctive chatter. Everyone was there. Tonks and Lupin, the Weasleys, Moody, Kingsley, Hagrid, Fleur, Elphias even Minerva. They all acted like they normally would, but he could still sense the suspicious glances thrown at him, the curious whispers who seemed to follow him everywhere. But still, it was Rita Skeeter. You couldn’t believe anything she wrote right? He hated that he needed to prove them all wrong. He hated that he wasn’t the person they all believed him to be.

He didn’t know how he found the strength to rise and began his speech, but somehow, he did and when he stood there, everyone now looking at him, his gaze settled on Gellert’s face only, imagining they were the only ones in this room.

“Alright so I figure you all have read the book.”, he began, his voice calm and composed, like always. He knew that he seemed like he was fine. That this, all this, was absolutely no problem for him. No one ever sensed his discomfort. He had gotten too good at hiding it. In some way he had spent his whole live practising, always holding up a façade. The perfect student, head boy, brilliant Dumbledore discovering the twelve uses of dragon blood at 23, becoming one of the youngest teachers Hogwarts had ever seen, defeating the dark wizard Geller Grindelwald in 1945, Order of Merlin First Class, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwump of the international confederation of Wizards, Hogwarts Headmaster. But that had never been him, hadn’t it? This flawless version of him had been a lie, a carefully crafted masquerade. He couldn’t even say when he had slipped it on anymore. Maybe it had happened after that summer or when his father had been arrested or even before that, right after Ariana had gotten assaulted and everything had changed for the worse.

No one had ever seen through it. Except for Gellert of course and maybe Aberforth, but he didn’t really count, did he? He had seen how he had created it after all. Maybe that was part of the reason why Aberforth loathed him so much. His brother had never been afraid to be himself.

“I have something to confess.”, he continued. “Not everything that Rita wrote is true, albeit…”

“I knew it.”, Hagrid exclaimed. “Never believed it from the start. This book is just a bunch of nonsense. We all knew it, in fact, didn’t we?” He gave Albus one of his large smiles and for a moment he considered just denying everything. It would be so easy, so effortlessly easy. But it wouldn’t be right.

“I´m not finished Hagrid.”, he said gently. “But thank you. You are a great friend.”

No one noticed the slight crack in his voice.

Hagrid beamed at him, and his heart constricted. He didn’t know what was to come, they all didn’t have the palest idea.

“I haven’t stolen the notes from Ivor Dillonsby regarding the uses of dragon blood.”, he began. “Rita also doesn’t know anything about my relation to Harry or vice versa. But…she isn’t wrong about everything.”

And then he just told them. He told them about the arrest of his father, of Ariana's secret, the constant hiding and fear of being found out, his mother dying, him coming back from Hogwarts and needing to take care of his siblings.

He felt his voice crack and his hands shaking, but he just continued talking.

About how he had cancelled the world tour with Elphias.

About his first meeting with Gellert.

 About their relationship, their plan for the muggles, their blood pact.

“Bathilda was right.”, he said. “It was like we were made for each other. Two brilliant, arrogant boys, with a whole summer at their hands. We planned to leave with Ariana when September came, but Aberforth didn’t approve, and we got into an argument the night before our supposed leave. I did not want to hear the truths he shouted at me. I did not want to hear that I could not set forth and start a revolution with a fragile and unstable sister in tow. The argument became a fight. Voices were raised, threats made, Aberforth drew his wand, which was foolish and I… I drew my wand which was even more foolish. Gellert just laughed. No one had heard Ariana come down the stairs… can't say it was certain it was my... spell, it could have been all three of us…and… Ariana... after all my mother's care and caution... lay dead upon the floor."

He felt tears dwell up in his eyes, heard gasps and whispers sound through the room and for a moment he felt like he couldn’t continue, not after this, but he knew that if he stopped now, he wouldn´t be able to go on, so he just forced himself to keep talking.

Teaching at Hogwarts, Gellert’s rise, Bhutan, their duel, his lingering feelings for Gellert, although he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge them at the time.

He ignored their glances at him, their eyes wide and shocked, as if they were seeing him for the first time.

He just continued.

Becoming headmaster, Gellert and him remaining in contact through sporadic letters, the injury of his hand.

“And after so many years I decided to visit Nurmengard. After so many years I was face to face again with the man I defeated over 50 years ago. I told myself that I was only doing this because he could be valuable to the plan. I knew he was the only one, whose power could match mine. I wanted to see if his regret was true. I knew that he could help our cause. What I didn’t realize at that point was…that I didn’t go there because of some plan or strategy. That was just a feeble apology. The truth is that I went there because I wanted to see him. The truth is that I went there because… I love him. The truth is that I couldn’t leave him, not after I learned that he regretted his actions, not after I saw that he had changed so I….”

He took a deep breath. “So, I helped him to escape.”

For a moment everything was quiet. Then the room seemed to explode.

“He deserves to rot there.”

“He killed thousands.”

“That was selfish.”

“He shouldn’t be free, he…”

“He is a monster, how can you…?”

His head buzzed, and he shakily leaned against the chair in front of him. It just got more and more, and he couldn’t think, his vision got blurry, and he desperately tried to pull himself together, but he just couldn’t, he just didn’t…

“ENOUGH.”

The voice was loud and clear and sharp and to his surprise, they really stopped. Someone pulled the chair out for him and helped him sit and his foggy brain needed a while to realize that it was Gellert.

“Thank you.”, he croaked out and the other just gave his hand a gentle squeeze before he turned to their audience. He regarded each and every one of them. There wasn’t even a hint of fear in his eyes.

“I think you all have figured it out by now.”, Gellert said calmly. “So, you can scream at me instead.”

No one budged.

They all just seemed perplexed that one of the most dangerous former dark wizards was suddenly in the room with them, standing in front of Albus, as if attempting to shield him from any further remarks.

Then, finally, Minerva spoke. “Saying that you regret everything is one thing, but how can we be sure that you are sincere? How can we be sure that you haven’t just lied to Albus, manipulated him into thinking that you felt the same way?”

“Because of this.”, Gellert said and drew his wand. “Expecto Patronum.”

A majestic phoenix broke out of it and flew through the room while disbelieving gazes followed it until it dissolved into a cloud of silvery mist.

Gellert raised his eyebrows. “Do you believe me now?”

“So, you really love him?”, Tonks choked out. “He has defeated you, imprisoned you and you still…”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I just do.”, he said simply. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

“But what are we going to do now?” It was Molly who spoke this time, shock and confusion still evident on her face. “He’s a terrorist, he’s dangerous… we can’t just… let him be, can we?”

“Well, I don’t know…”

“He already served 50 years in prison.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t justify Dumbledore breaking him out.”

“Do you mean we should put him back in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can the Order even trust him, what if he changes sides?”

“But Albus…”

“He betrayed him once; don’t you think he can do it again?”

They all seemed unsure, glancing at each other, whispering, mumbling, throwing glances at them, and then looking away again.

“Even if he doesn’t betray us, believe me, it is safer for all of us if Grindelwald is behind locked doors.”

That was Alastor, now looking directly at Gellert, not even bothering to hide the hatred on his face.

It was then that Albus decide that he had heard enough.

“I ought to say that you are a quite skilled wizard Alastor, but I’m afraid you are not going to imprison anyone, as well as the others of you, simply because I won’t allow it.”, he said and rose from his chair, positioning himself directly beside Gellert.

“I wouldn’t enjoy fighting you.”, he continued. “I will if it’s necessary, but there is still a way to solve this peacefully. Either everything remains as it is, and you tolerate Gellert, or we’ll leave the Order and go somewhere else. We will give you everything we know about how to defeat Voldemort and then you won’t see us ever again. It is your decision to make, I won’t blame you for it. I realize that I´ve made many mistakes and if you don’t trust me anymore that´s understandable. I just want you to know that I´m sorry. For everything.”

They looked at him for a while. It was silent. None of them seemed to know what to do. Then Hagrid took a step forward and another one; until he was standing right in front of him. His expression was unreadable. From the corner of his eye, Albus saw how Gellert drew his wand. It was then that he realized that the other expected Hagrid to punch him. But nothing happened. They just stood there and looked at each other, Hagrid only two steps away now.

“Hagrid.”, he said “I´m sorry if I disappointed you.”

In the next moment, Hagrid hugged him.

It felt like he was getting crushed by way too strong arms, and it must have been an absurd picture since Hagrid was three heads taller than him, but he didn’t really care because he had expected so much worse, maybe not exactly a punch, but certainly not that either. He’d certainly not expected to stand there and be hugged, not after everything, not after revealing what he’d done, not after revealing who he was.

When Hagrid finally let go of him, he felt a bit wobbly on his feet and had to lean on to Gellert, who just gave him an amused grin and whispered. “I hope my hugs feel more comfortable.”

“What are you still doing over there?”, Hagrid asked, turning to the rest of the Order. “Do you all want to hate him now, because he revealed that he has made mistakes, that he has flaws? How many times has he given you a second chance eh? How many times has he helped you, solved your problems, been there for you? How many times, tell me how many?”

The next one to step forward was Lupin. “Too many.”, he said. “Dumbledore has convinced my parents to let me attend Hogwarts, regardless of what I was, he offered me a job when no one wanted me, and he helped me to keep my secret, through all these years, always keen on finding a solution for everything, always wanting to make it easier for me. I trust him because he trusted me.” And with that, he stepped over to their side.

Then Elphias looked at him and to his surprise her gaze was full of understanding. “I always knew that there was something you withheld from all of us. I just couldn’t figure it out. Oh Albus, in all these years that we´ve been friends why you have never said anything?”

“I…”, he whispered. “I thought you´d hate me.”

But Elphias just shook his head and made his way over to his side. „Everyone has flaws Albus and just because yours may be bigger, doesn’t mean that I would hate you for them.”

The next ones were Tonks and Ginny, together with the twins. “Come on he never expelled us, and we almost set the school on fire multiple times.”

Then came Kingsley and Minerva.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

The trio.

Bill and Fleur.

The last one left was Alastor.

“I still think that we should imprison him.”, he said, looking at Gellert, his face full of mistrust. “But you saved my life, Albus and I trust your judgement.”

“Thank you, Alastor.”

I’ll still keep an eye on him though.”, Alastor added and then finally walked over to them.

With that, the other side of the room was left completely empty.

They had decided to trust him. Everyone had decided to trust him. They didn’t hate him. They didn’t… and before he even realized it tears were dwelling up in his eyes and he tried to regain his composure, but everything just felt like too much and then two very familiar arms embraced him, pulling him close and he hid his face in Gellert’s shoulder, hoping that none would notice his wet face or the fact that his body was shaking from relieve. He had never thought that the others would accept him with his flaws and history, with all the mistakes he had made. But they had. He didn’t need to pretend that he was perfect anymore, that he was that unfathomable genius who never made mistakes, who had never failed anyone. He could finally let go of this façade now. He could finally stop to hide.

“I´m so proud of you.”, Gellert whispered. “You did so well.”

“Thank you.”, he said as he eventually had enough strength to let go of Gellert. “Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

…

When they got home it was raining and judging from the sounds of thunder in the distance, it wouldn’t take long until the storm would hit them with full force, which meant that their planned afternoon walk was cancelled. But Albus couldn’t have cared less, for when they entered and were greeted by Fawkes, sitting on their packed suitcases in the hallway, suitcases they now wouldn’t need, he felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

It had been long since he had felt so light and carefree, even in Gellert’s presence and when the other put his arms around him and proceeded to kiss him, he suddenly felt the urge to cry once more, for his heart was overflowing with relief and love and joy and when Gellert took a step back, giving him a worried look, he realized that there was actually a tear trickling down his cheek.

“I apologize, I’m afraid my emotions are still in disarray.”, he said. “But I feel well, actually better than I have in a long time.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”, Gellert whispered and gently reached out to wipe the tear off his cheek. “And I know I’ve already said it, but what you did today must have taken extraordinary strength and courage, I’m really proud of you.”

“Are you?”

“Of course, I am, what did you think?”, Gellert mumbled, still cupping his cheek. “In fact, when I saw you standing there, telling them what happened, confessing your feelings for me, I think I…”

“You think?”, Albus asked.

Gellert took a deep breath. “I don’t know if that’s even possible, but I think I never loved you more.”

“I love you too.”, Albus whispered and felt his eyes getting wet again, despite his best efforts. He still felt raw and vulnerable, because of all the things he had brought up today, as if his speech had made everything resurface again and had laid his heart open, leaving it behind without protection, thus making it oversensitive to just everything and when Gellert looked at him, with so much gentleness and understanding, looked at him as if he knew, he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears began to overflow and before he even knew it he found himself weeping, really weeping and it felt like all the emotions he had been harbouring for years and years, all the things he had closed into himself, everything he’d never dared to say was right there, no longer hidden, no longer put behind mental barriers, but surprisingly it didn’t feel awful or even bad because Gellert was there too and Albus just allowed himself to feel, he allowed himself to embrace everything he’d withheld or ignored for so long and when Gellert’s arms closed around him, he’d never been more sure that everything might as well be alright.

Chapter Text

The next weeks were filled with chaos, for the trio had suddenly decided to be dim-witted blockheads (not that Albus told him every day that he should stop calling them that). But they deserved it. After all, it would have been terribly easy to just consult him or Albus before pulling through with their plan at the ministry. By Merlin of course they had known and helped the trio to develop the plan, but that hadn’t meant said plan was foolproof just yet. That hadn’t been an invitation for the trio to just walk in there alone without even notifying them. They had just infiltrated the ministry as if it were something as trivial as going for an afternoon walk.

But then from what he’d heard from Albus, the trio had never been good at assessing risks correctly. So, they probably shouldn’t have been too surprised by this outburst of youthful ignorance. In fact, they shouldn’t have been surprised at all when they had found the trio standing at the beach this one afternoon, shivering and soaked from the rain that had fallen that day, supporting a splintered Ron who looked like he was going to pass out any moment. Luckily for them, he’d always been very skilled at healing magic and with that and a little help from the essence of dittany Ron's wounds had vanished in a matter of minutes.

At that moment he had very much wanted to yell at them for their foolishness (really it was a miracle that they had even managed to steal the Horcrux after all), but Albus hadn’t even been angry, just his usual calm and collected self, even when he’d asked Harry why they hadn’t alerted them at all.

At least the boy had had enough decency to look ashamed when he’d mumbled something akin to “We thought we could manage it.” And while his voice had sounded truthful, Gellert hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that this hadn’t been everything.

It lay in the way they looked at him since Albus’ revelation, not necessarily with open hostility or even hatred, but still with a sort of mistrust that hadn’t been there before. For them he was still unpredictable, a former terrorist and criminal and not necessarily someone they’d ask for advice or even help.

They trusted Albus and that was why they tolerated him. But that was all. they didn’t trust him, not yet and sometimes he wondered if they ever would.

Well, at least he wasn’t the one who needed to live in a magical tent now.

Maybe it was due to all the chaos with the ministry, the trio and the Horcrux, maybe it was due to the fact that the Death Eaters seemed to have an unusually productive period in early fall, causing the Order even more trouble than usual, maybe it was due to the fact that they had begun to help muggle-borns with leaving the country and moving into hideouts abroad on top of everything or maybe it was also because of a certain fear to stir old wounds when it came to returning to Godrics Hollow or maybe a mix of all these things, but it was already early November when they made serious plans to check on Bathilda.

If one considered all their withholding the decision itself had been a quite hurried one, for when Gellert sat in their living room one quiet autumn morning, absentmindedly skimming through Ritas's book, not because he liked to read that rubbish, but because he liked their picture, the picture Bathilda had insisted on taking one lazy summer afternoon, when there had been nothing to do, except to make plans for a soon-to-be world revolution and to kiss Albus silly of course, he remembered how she had always used to prepare tea and cauldron cake for them and a pang of bad conscience flooded through him, for no matter how difficult it would be to walk through these village streets again, they should have checked on her long ago.

-both such brilliant young boys, they got on like a cauldron on fire.

Those were her words, unmistakably. He remembered that she had used that saying a lot. But something had happened. The Bathilda he knew wouldn’t have been tricked by Rita, not so easily.  

“We need to check on her.”, he said when Albus came back a few minutes later, holding a mug of his beloved hot cocoa. “I feel like we shouldn’t postpone it any longer.”

Albus glanced at the book on his lap. “You mean Bathilda?”

“Yes.”

Albus nodded slowly. “You are probably right.”

Gellert looked at him. “I can go alone if your schedule is too busy for it.”

If it is too painful for you, he wanted to add, but he didn’t want to presume and the way Albus regarded him, told him that he already knew, why he offered him such an easy way out.

For a while Albus said nothing, but when he finally did speak, his voice sounded firm. “I don’t think my schedule is too busy, but I think we need to be cautious. I’m quite sure the village is getting monitored.“

“Alright.”, Gellert said, not sure if he was surprised by Albus' offer or if he had always known the other wouldn’t let him do this alone. “We should better get to work then, shouldn’t we?”

They had a bit of Polyjuice potion left, so disguising themselves was no problem. He had brewed it a few months ago along with some healing and medical potions, for it was better to be safe than sorry these times. It was easy to get a few hairs from inconspicuous muggles and then they were ready. Albus now looked like a middle-aged man in his 50s, with short grey hair and to his liking blue eyes (although not of the same blue as Albus' real ones) and he had taken the appearance of some blond guy who was presumably in his early 30s or late 20s.

Albus chuckled. “I like seeing you blond again.”

“That’s actually why I chose him.” He sighed. “I miss it sometimes. My blond hair I mean.”

“Well, I think silver suits you really well.”

“It’s not silver Albus. It's grey.”

“Oh, I beg to differ, you should see how it glows in the sun. That’s anything but grey.”

Gellert snorted. “So, you mean it's grey with some sparkle.”

Albus raised his eyebrows. “Well, I’d figure that’s a pretty good description for silver.”

Gellert sighed and took hold of Albus’ arm, readying himself to disapparate. “Well, I’d say you win this one.”

“Oh, I know. I usually do.”, Albus said with a small wink and before he could protest their surroundings dissolved into nothingness.

They landed in some forest on the outskirts of the village and the first thing Gellert noticed was the coldness. Frost glittered on the forest floor and with every step he took he could hear dead leaves crunching under his feet.

“How far are we from Godrics Hollow?”, he asked since it was Albus who had brought them here.

“Not that far, maybe about five minutes.”

He nodded. “Have we been here before?”

They had often spent whole days in the forest. Away from Aberforth, Ariana and Bathilda. Away from anyone who could disturb them. It had been their hiding place, their safe spot. It had given them the opportunity to just…be. Sometimes when they had been laying in the tall grass in the midst of a forest clearing, books, parchment and food scattered around them, sometimes when the sun had illuminated Albus' face and set his hair aflame, he had imagined that they were the only ones left in this world. Just him and Albus alone, floating through space and time. He had thought that nothing could possibly separate them. That nothing could ever stand in between them. He had still been too young to realize how naïve these thoughts were.

Albus looked at him, nostalgia, and a hint of sadness in his gaze, as if he knew exactly what he was thinking. “Yes.”, he said quietly. “We´ve been here before.”

“Oh, I thought I would…”

“Recognize it?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t worry about it.”, Albus said gently. “The scenery has changed, and it has been a very long time after all.”

“Did you ever come here again after... what happened?”

Albus regarded him. “Just once or twice. The last time I´ve been here was a few weeks after our duel. I thought if I just…revisited everything that would allow me to finally…” He took a deep breath. “I hoped that it would allow me to make peace with everything that happened.”

“And did it?”, Gellert asked carefully, although he could already imagine the answer.

Albus shook his head. “If everything it made it worse. I hadn’t been ready to come back, but I didn’t realize that at the time and after I got back to Hogwarts, I just felt like it would never get better and I…”

He stopped suddenly and looked at Gellert again, as if afraid that he’d say too much. “Let’s just get on, shall we? The village shouldn’t be too far away.”

But Gellert didn’t move. The way Albus had said it and stopped, the slight, barely noticeable tremble in his hands… it just made it almost too easy to guess what had almost been said. And it made it almost harder to ask, but he had promised himself to be there for Albus and he would be. Through everything.

“And you what?”, he asked finally and Albus regarded him for a few seconds an almost pained expression on his face. “It doesn’t matter now.”, he said softly.

But Gellert just shook his head and took a step forward, bringing Albus still trembling hands to a hold by grabbing his wrists. “You don’t need to if you don’t want to, but there is no taboo regarding what we can talk about.”

Albus swallowed thickly. “I know.” He looked at Gellert again as if contemplating whether to say something or not and just as Gellert thought about making the proposal to leave the topic to another day he finally spoke. “After I got back to Hogwarts that day I wrote the letter, the one you found in my closet a few weeks ago.”

“The one you never wanted me to read.”

“Yes, and that certain evening…I felt like I couldn't go on anymore and I... I almost sent it.”, Albus whispered and for a time there was nothing to be heard, except their ragged breathing, Gellert still holding Albus’ wrists, feeling his pulse under his fingertips, his grip tightening, now clutching them in an almost desperate manner, his nails digging deep into the other's skin.

He imagined Albus coming here, still auburn-haired, maybe in one of the dazzling suits he’d used to wear back then or maybe in more casual attire, maybe in one of his tweed pullovers paired with that silly hat Gellert knew he still had stored away in his closet at Hogwarts. He imagined Albus roaming through the village, revisiting everything. The cemetery, their favourite spots in the forest, the little lake they always used to swim in, the little bench where they´d always met, Bathilda´s house and Albus' own, that now belonged to a stranger. He imagined Albus enduring all these little stings of pain, rushing through him with every step he took, with every place he visited. Maybe he had told himself that it would finally be over after he had seen this one last spot, that maybe then it would finally stop, that maybe then he could finally make his peace with everything. He imagined him realizing that it wasn’t possible. He imagined him going back to Hogwarts. Returning to his chambers, taking his coat off, maybe joining dinner in the great hall, acting like everything was fine, all the while considering… all the while planning to write that letter and…

He couldn’t bring himself to ask how Albus would have done it. A swift, elegant cut on his wrists? An overdose of sleeping potion? A suffocating spell combined with a pain-blocking one, so he wouldn’t notice anything until the world went black?

He felt himself tremble. It was too painful to even think about it.

But that wasn’t the worst thing. The worst thing was that he was responsible. Maybe Ariana's death had been inevitable, but he should have been there for Albus after it. He shouldn’t have let him deal with this alone, for years and years on end. But he had just made Albus’ life even more difficult, hadn’t he? He had almost broken the only thing he ever loved, he had been so reckless, so power-hungry, back then he had never even considered how his actions affected Albus, he had just…

“Gellert, you need to let go.” Albus' voice reached him, and he suddenly realized that he was still holding Albus' wrists, his grip so tight, that his knuckles stood out white. He hurriedly let go and felt a pang of guilt as he saw the slightly reddened flesh, finger-shaped bruises and little crescents from where his nails had dug into the skin evident on Albus' arm.

“Albus, I´m sorry I didn’t mean to…”, he staggered a bit as he drew his wand, pointing it at Albus' wrists, muttering a healing spell and then another one and another one.

This time it was Albus who grabbed his arm. “Gel, you can’t heal bruises unless you want to spend the next three hours repairing every hurt blood vessel single-handedly.”

“I´m sorry.”, he whispered. “I hurt you.”

“It was just got a bit uncomfortable.”, Albus said softly. “And see they are already beginning to fade, it's nothing compared to Hagrid's hugs.”

And Gellert could sense that he was trying to lighten the mood, but he just couldn’t stop staring at the marks he left on the others arm. “I got carried away, I really didn’t want to, I underestimated how tight my grip was…I… I´m so sorry…I´d never do it on purpose I…”, he croaked out trying to explain himself because Albus needed to know, he needed to know that he’d never hurt him, he…

A soft hand cupped his cheek. “Gel. I´m aware of that. Besides evaluating how strong you are is a lot more difficult under the influence of Polyjuice potion, I´m sure that played its part too.”

He let out a shuddering breath. “Probably, but still, I´m sorry.”

Albus regarded him, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I´ve already forgiven you for it.”, he said and somehow, he got the impression that they weren’t talking about bruises any longer. But before he could elaborate on that, Albus had already taken his hand and gently tugged him further. “Come on now, we still need to walk a bit.”

The forest seemed almost endless. Rows and rows of trees and dying plants, the sun not strong enough to drive the coldness away anymore. It felt surreal when he took a first glance at the village. There were some houses, he didn’t recognize, but all in all, it still looked…the same. Like it had been preserved in time since he left on that fateful warm August morning so many years ago. He could see Bathilda's house in the distance, the church, the cemetery and when he let his gaze wander just a little bit to the left, when he mentally crossed the street from Bathilda's place, turned to the right and then went a few meters straight ahead he could see it.

The new owner had added another floor on top and the shutters looked brand-new, but it was still Albus old house. Unmistakably. He would have recognized it anywhere.

“Do you know who lives there now?”

Albus shook his head. “No, I initially sold it in the 1910s and I know that it was sold another time, in the 1930s and then again in the 70s but I’m afraid I never really cared to find out who bought it back then.”

Gellert nodded. “Have you ever wondered how much has changed inside?”

“Seldom.”, Albus admitted. “But sometimes I couldn’t help it. It´s quite peculiar, isn’t it? To know that, that house you think of isn’t the same one, you’d find if you were to go inside.”

They had reached the first houses by now and somehow neither of them said anything as they made their way to the cemetery. They hadn’t planned to visit it, but somehow, they still got nearer and nearer as if their feet were determined to drag them there, maybe out of a habit, since they had used to visit that place every day or maybe out of some unspoken agreement, which presence they hadn’t noticed until now.

Albus hadn’t thought to come here today, but as they were finally standing in front of the iron gate, he found that they had already gone too far. Turning just wouldn’t feel right now. So, he took a deep breath and stepped on the cemetery, Gellert close behind him. It was as if their grave was calling him, as he walked through the endless rows of cold stone. He hadn’t been here for over 50 years and yet he would never forget where they lay.

When he finally reached their tombstone, now lichen-spotted and frozen over, his heart was beating so fast, that he expected it to spring out of his chest at any moment.

Kendra Dumbledore 1851 – 1899

Ariana Dumbledore 1885 - 1899

“Where your treasure is, will also your heart be.” Gellert looked at him. “Did you choose that?”

“Yes.”, he said simply. “It was one of her favourites. Arianas, I mean.”

It hurt to say her name, but his voice didn’t waver, and he just continued to look at their names, Gellert’s hand interlocked with his.

The grave looked run down and sad compared to the ones next to it which were decorated with fresh flowers, giving the impression that there were still people who visited them quite regularly.

Maybe he should have come here from time to time, it wouldn’t have been an effort after all to bring flowers every other week or month, but he knew that was wishful thinking, he’d have never found the strength for that.

A tear rolled down his face before he could stop it, instantly freezing when it hit the ground. Somehow, he felt like he had failed them, even in death.

But it wouldn’t have made any difference after all. That wasn’t them underneath these layers of earth and stone. They were gone.

“It’s alright.”, Gellert whispered beside him, squeezing his hand, ever so tenderly as if he was afraid that he might hurt him again.

Then Gellert took out his wand and moved it through the air in a circular motion, and suddenly a bouquet of white tulips blossomed in front of them. He caught it and gave Albus a questioning look.

“You may.”, he whispered and Gellert bent down, laying the flowers on the grave.

Albus took a last look at it, the white tulips glistening in the cold November sun, frost already building up on the fragile petals. Then Gellert put an arm around his shoulder, and they turned in silence, walking away, back to the gate, back towards the church and the village he grew up in.

Bathilda's house hadn’t changed much in all these years. Grey slate roof. Wooden gable. Shutters painted green. It still looked almost the same.

The garden gate screeched as they opened it. Apart from that everything remained quiet as they made their way to the house. No sign of anything extraordinary. Just an ordinary house, in a sleepy English village.

Everything seemed absolutely normal and yet... something didn’t quite fit.

The garden she had always so loved was unkept and covered in reddish, brown autumn leaves, the green paint was slowly, but surely flaking off from the shutters, and when they got closer Gellert noticed that the front door was ajar.

Behind him, Albus drew his wand, and he did the same. He didn’t know what exactly, but something here definitely wasn’t quite right.

Dust crunched beneath their feet as they entered, and a strange smell seemed to emanate from seemingly everywhere and it took Gellert a while to realise that it was the odour of unwashed clothes, dirt, and staled food mixing together.

He couldn’t picture her living like this. And the more they moved forward the more he doubted that she would be even there. The kitchen was in chaos, dirty cutlery and plates with rotten meat lying on the table and beside the sink. The sitting room she had so loved didn’t look any better. There were candle stubs standing on dirty saucers around the room, perched precariously on stacks of books and side tables crammed with cracked and mouldy cups. Just next to it, he found a chest of drawers on which there stood a large number of photographs. Half of a dozen were missing from their frames, and he wondered if Bathilda herself or someone else had removed them. He stepped closer and suddenly found that he was looking at his fifteen-year-old self, smiling lazily out of a silver frame near the back of the collection.

“Gellert.”

Albus' voice made him turn around. The other was standing in the middle of the room, looking at something, his face full of fury and disgust.

“Albus? What is it?”

“Seems like Rita not only used Verita serum, but a memory charm as well.”, Albus said and handed him a copy of “The live and lies of Albus Dumbledore.” A note was sticking out on top of it.

“Dear Batty, thanks for your help. Here is a copy of the book, hope you like it. You said everything even if you don’t remember it. Rita.”

Anger washed through him, and his hands clamped down on the book wanting to destroy it and all of its copies out there, every page, every sentence, every word, along with the author itself.

“She is going to pay for this.”, he hissed. “Not now, but one day… by Merlin she’s not going to get away just like...”

“Gellert.”

“Albus you can’t possibly…”

“Gellert be quiet.”

And then he heard it too. There were steps coming down the stairs, making their way towards the sitting room. Suddenly the door creaked open, but nothing else happened. The steps just retreated again. They looked at each other and slowly made their way from the room to the corridor their wands drawn.

There was a person standing in the middle of the staircase. He couldn’t tell if it was really her since her features were hidden behind a black shawl, but the height and body shape resembled hers and the rest of her clothes, a long black dress with slight silver embroidery also seemed like something she would wear, albeit it was, like the rest of the house, clouded in dirt.

“Bathilda?”, he asked slowly.

The figure gave no answer, just turned, and climbed up the stairs again, as if she expected them to follow her.

He made a step forward, but Albus held him back, a strange expression on his face. “I´ve just tried Legilimency on her and I don’t know what this is, but for sure not Bathilda. This thing when I tried to invade his mind, it didn’t even feel… human. This is a trap.”

Gellert nodded. “I´ve already suspected it, but…I still need to go up there. I need to know what happened to her. You can remain here if you want, I´ll be right back.”

At least he hoped so.

“No, I´m going with you.”, Albus said quietly. “She would have done the same for us.”

“Yes.”, he said firmly. “She would have.”

The top floor seemed even dirtier. A shelf had been knocked over and books covered the floor, some still half open, dust all over them and in the middle of the whole mess lay remains of long withered flowers and shards of something that once must have been a vase. She had loved flowers.

She used to make a new bouquet every week, always carefully selecting the right flowers, making sure they matched in composition and colour, before she put them in her study, claiming that it helped her to concentrate on her new book. Flowers and writing. She had loved those two things.

He made a tiny movement with his wand and the vase repaired itself, shards put themselves back together, flowers blossomed in their old freshness and there it was. A piece of normality in the midst of all the chaos. It looked almost wrong somehow and he wished that he could have done more. He wanted to put the bookshelves back up and wipe the dirt off the books, he wanted to go into the kitchen and put the dirty dishes away, he wanted to clean the floor until it was shiny and not a speck of dust was to be seen until everything looked normal until her house was a home again.

But then he heard a short hiss coming from the room to their right and remembered that it would be pointless.

She was gone.

He and Albus slowly crept to the door, coming closer and closer and then…almost like on secret command, they pointed their wands at it, blasting it open.

But this thing, whatever it was just continued to stare out of the window. It hadn’t even flinched. And then it slowly turned and Gellert gasped.

For a moment he saw Bathilda before him, perfectly clear. She had aged of course, her hair now thin and white, her body frail, wrinkles all over her face, but he still recognized her familiar features. At that moment it was still her, how he had known her. Her who had always woken him up when he had slept too long, her who had always made sure that he had breakfast before he went over to Albus´ house, her who had brewed sleeping potions for him to keep the visions at bay.

He looked at his great aunt and for a moment she seemed real again.

Then the snake broke out of her neck.

It rolled onto the ground, while Bathilda's body collapsed behind it, like a puppet with cut strings. For a moment Gellert could only stare, but then he saw Albus raise his wand and did the same.

The snake hissed as it got closer and Gellert felt rage boil inside of him. This thing was responsible for Bathilda's death, it had possessed her, just used her body like it was a mere shell to hide in, a shell that could always be abandoned and discarded just like that as if her death as if Bathilda had been worth nothing at all.

“Let me do the honours.”, he said through clenched teeth and took a few steps forward getting closer to the snake.

But before he could do anything a terrible, terrible coldness seemed to envelop the room, so cold that it sent shivers down his spine. Then the wall behind Albus was blasted to pieces and Gellert could only watch as the backdrop caused the other to fall and land on the ground, now completely exposed to the dark figure in the corridor, who sent a green jet of light into Albus' direction only a second later.

 At that moment, it was as if he’d been paralyzed, for he could only stare. His wand was raised but his mind was completely blank as he watched the green light travel closer and closer to Albus. It was exactly like in his nightmares. Albus' life was in danger, and he wanted to do something, anything, but he couldn’t, he just stood there, as if frozen.

And then, suddenly just before the curse could reach Albus, Nagini leapt from the ground, the green light collided with her and then it was over, and she fell on top of Albus, dead.

For a moment everything was quiet, and it took a moment until Gellert realized that the snake hadn’t sacrificed herself, but that this had been Albus’ doing who had reacted so admirably and brilliantly in the face of lethal danger, while he had just stood there completely out of his mind, unable to do anything.

Voldemort’s enraged scream cut through the silence, but he barely even noticed it. He had sworn himself that he would never let this happen and yet if Albus hadn’t been fast enough… and then Albus’ position had been far from ideal, given that he’d been laying on the ground and yet he had just left him to his own devices, although he had needed him, he had just done nothing, he…

“GELLERT WATCH OUT!”, Albus' voice interrupted his pondering and he barely managed to escape the green beam of light that had been thrown in his direction. The other must have gotten up from the ground at some point since he was currently parrying every curse thrown in their direction, his magic looking ever so elegant and effortless, but when their gazes met from across the room Gellert could see worry in Albus’, worry and confusion directed at him.

“Remain where you are.”, Albus’ voice spoke in his head. “I’m going to grab you and then we can disapparate.”

It was only then that Gellert realized that he usually would have joined in on the duel long ago.

It was only then that Gellert realized that Albus had suggested side–to–side apparition since he wasn’t sure if Gellert was able to disapparate himself.

So, he only stood there and watched as Albus vanished and appeared in front of him a split second later, grabbing his arm. Then they were gone.

…

“Gellert, I believe we should talk about this. What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“I think you had a shock.”

“I didn’t Albus, that’s ridiculous.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Exactly, because it didn’t happen.”

“Gellert, please.”

“Let me be, Albus. I need some space.”

These were the last words Gellert said to him before he left him standing there, alone, in front of their house. There was grey mist rising from the sea which seemed to swallow his walking form and soon Albus couldn’t see him anymore.

He came back later that night, when Albus had long gone to bed and in the next morning he behaved perfectly normal, as if yesterday had never happened. Every time Albus tried to bring the topic up, his attempt was dodged quite effectively by claims about how Gellert needed to get this and that from there and there and how they needed to do that and maybe should read this again and after some time he just gave up. If Gellert didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t and if he wanted to, he would do so in his own time.

But after a few days, he needed to admit that the matter had become quite urgent, for Gellert was behaving differently.

He didn’t leave his side for even a minute. He always had his wand out in their daily walks, as if he found it necessary to be alert at any time.

He insisted on getting all their errands from Diagon Alley alone. He made a habit of hourly checking on their safety and protection charms.

He didn’t wake him anymore when he had nightmares.

It took a while until Albus noticed that last one. At first, he thought that Gellert had just a particularly good phase, but then the bags under his eyes only seemed to grow and one night he awoke to a shaking body beside him, and he realized that Gellert had made no attempt to wake him whatsoever.

“Gellert?”

“Go back to sleep Albus.”

“I won’t.”, he said simply and wrapped his arms around Gellert’s body, bringing Gellert’s hand up to his chest, so the other could feel his heartbeat. “Everything is alright.”, he murmured. “It's fine, everything is fine.”

“I shouldn’t prevent you from sleeping.”

“Gellert, you promised to wake me whenever you have nightmares.”

“Then that promise was a mistake.”

“May I ask, why?”

For a moment Gellert hesitated, but then he let out a short, bitter laugh. “Albus, you may have realized that you seldom sleep through the night, since you always get woken by me.”

“Gellert.”, Albus said firmly. “I couldn’t stand to sleep a minute while knowing that you are restless.”

“My decision is final, Albus. I can handle it alone.”

And that was when Albus couldn’t take it any longer. “There is nothing to blame you for and also no need to punish yourself. I’m still here Gellert, I didn’t even get injured.”

Gellert looked at him. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Albus sighed. “There is no need to fool me, I know you do. And I think we need to talk about it. Please?”

For a long time, Gellert said nothing, just regarded him through in the darkness.  “I should have been able to protect you when Voldemort threw that curse and you were laying on the ground.”, he said finally, voice quiet, but firm. “Instead, I did nothing. I saw the killing curse and I saw you and my mind just went blank. Once again, I left you to fend for yourself.”

“Gellert.”, Albus said gently. “There is no need to feel guilty…”

Gellert shook his head. “Don’t you realize? This has happened before; I always fail you in the end. I always leave you to your own devices, I’m never there when you need me, I... just left you that summer and chose a path of death and destruction, I forced you to duel me, I destroyed everything we had, I caused you more pain than I can even speak of, I…”

“Gellert.”, Albus interrupted firmly. “Don’t.”

Gellert turned around, his expression unreadable. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t go down that path. I’m alright, there is no need to dwell on the past.”

Gellert regarded him for a while, then he said quietly. “Sometimes in the nightmares, you are bleeding out in front of me, but I can’t move, sometimes I’m running, knowing that you need my help, but I can never reach you, sometimes…”

He took a deep breath. “I always told myself that they are just dreams, but when we were at Godrics Hollow… it felt like it was becoming real, don’t you see?”

“Then I promise you that I won’t ever let it become real.”, Albus said softly and made his way over to Gellert, embracing him from behind. “We will be fine. Everything will be fine.”

“Maybe.”, Gellert said quietly. “But maybe it won’t.”

“Then I won’t give up until you believe me.”, Albus whispered. “And now let’s try to get some sleep. Alright?”

“Alright.”, Gellert murmured and wrapped his arms around him in an almost protective manner until there wasn’t even an inch of space left between them. After a few minutes his deep, even breaths told Albus that he had finally fallen asleep.

When the next week came everything was as it usually was. Except for his dreams.

He had already dreamt of it once, but now it came back every night.

He was running. It was dark.

He needed to be there, and he couldn’t be too late. That was all he knew.

The further he went, the thicker the air seemed to get until it ultimately reached an almost syrupy consistency, which seemed to prevent him from moving, which seemed to prevent him from doing anything. But that couldn’t be. He needed to carry on… he needed to go on or….

Or what?

He wasn’t sure anymore.

He had known only seconds ago, but now the thought had slipped from his mind, had just evaporated like a water droplet on a particularly hot summer day.

If he could only get a moment, just a moment to remember… but he had never got one. He always woke up before that. But something told him that whatever it was, wouldn’t be any good.

Chapter Text

In winter the nightmares got even worse and Gellert found that he could barely sleep a minute. It was still the same dream. Over and over again. He tried to reach something or someone, but he was never fast enough. Or at least it had been like this until recently.

Recently the dream carried on, just for a few seconds, but that was still enough time for him to see. He could make out something glistening in the dark.

He could never see it sharply, but somehow, he knew that it was the reflection of a knife.

At this point Albus had proposed the usage of sleeping potions more than once, for there were nights when he barely managed to sleep at all without waking up, drenched in sweat, and shaking.

Refusing this offer had given him a bad conscience since he wasn’t only interrupting his sleep but Albus’ too, with his constant tossing and turning, not to mention his agreement to wake Albus whenever the dreams occurred. But he just needed to know what he saw.

Because every time he found himself having them, he got surer and surer. These wasn’t one of his regular nightmares, this was a vision. A vision that was supposed to warn him from something and he needed to know from what.

He needed to see more, find out more about the knife and what threat it posed, for he had sworn himself that he wouldn’t let any danger come near Albus ever again.

He had told Albus about it of course, but the other seemed rather sceptical pointing out that even if it were indeed a vision the message of it was quite unclear, it didn’t even need to concern them or pose a danger. But then Albus had never had visions himself, he didn’t have decades of experience like Gellert did, he couldn’t feel the dread that crept up on him every time he got it, telling him to be alert, for one could never know how long their current safety would last.

When Christmas approached it began to pour every day. Of course, it did. Grey mist hung over the sea and concealed the shore and coast, so dense that Gellert could barely make out the path that led up to their house as he came back from one of his morning walks on Christmas morning. He had made it a habit to leave bed early since the sea air always calmed him after particularly stressful nights, and it also gave Albus the opportunity to sleep a bit longer without being disturbed.

It was strange to know that it was winter, without any snow in sight. It hadn’t been that noticeable at Hogwarts since it had snowed there too, but now that they were at the coast, he found himself seriously missing Austrian winters. Which was ironic, since he’d always yearned for warmer temperatures back when he’d been imprisoned at Nurmengard with nothing, but a thin blanket to protect him from the cold. But still… sometimes he couldn’t help but remember happier times. Before his imprisonment, he had adored to take long winter walks. He’d used to enjoy the quietness, in the midst of snowcapped mountains and coniferous forests, in the midst of nothing but kilometres on kilometres of glistening whiteness. It had always been sort of an outlet for all the bitterness, anger, and resentment he’d held back then, albeit it had hardly made a difference in the end. There had simply been too much anger, too much bitterness and too much resentment for a snowy landscape to bring him to his senses.

He had become a much different person since then, but now that he had as many warm clothes at his disposal as he wanted, he found his yearning for cold winters reawaken. Not that he’d ever complain about spending Christmas at the coast. It was his second one with Albus after all and the first where they’d be alone. They had spent last year’s festivities at Hogwarts, together with the teachers and some students. And although he hated that this year the circumstances left them with no choice, but to celebrate in their hideout under layers and layers of safety charms, his heart still leapt at the thought, that there would be just him and Albus and no one to disturb them.

He could see the twinkling of their Christmas tree through the living room window as he reached the house and chuckled at the sight of the mistletoes hanging over their doorstep, recalling all too well how Albus had insisted on hanging them just everywhere, which Gellert had of course taken as an invitation to kiss the other silly every time he entered a room.

Inside it was pleasantly warm and smelled of hot cocoa, which meant that Albus must have gotten up by now and also that he needed to hurry, since he still needed to deposit his present under the Christmas tree.

It wasn’t much to speak of a very simple present actually, but it was still meaningful enough. Albus would be delighted and therefore never suspect that he’d receive a second one. Later in the evening, after they’d eaten their Christmas pudding, he’d excuse himself and go upstairs to fetch the rings from their hiding place in the pockets of a cloak he hadn’t worn for ages. He’d made them a few days ago when Albus had been away to buy some bird seeds for Fawkes since the phoenix seemed to have developed quite an appetite lately. He hadn’t of course, there were still plenty in the second cupboard over the sink, right behind his coffee powder, but Albus didn’t need to know that. Gellert had just wanted to be sure he’d be undisturbed (even if that meant Fawkes giving him the dead stare every time he entered a room since somehow the phoenix seemed to know perfectly well who had taken his beloved seeds). But being on bad terms with Fawkes had been worth the risk (that was as long as that stupid bird didn’t come to the conclusion that it would be best to set him aflame), for it had been easy to transform the remains of their blood pact into rings, but another thing to do the engraving, no that had required time and above all great precision, even for someone as skilled as Gellert. But he needed to admit that he was very satisfied with the result and that was vital, for after years of pain and loss, after years of separation, after years of broken trust, which they had only begun to rebuild in the past year, slowly, but surely, step by step, Albus deserved a proposal that was nothing less than perfect.

When he approached the Christmas tree, he noticed that Albus had of course been faster than him, for his present already lay there, decorated with an elegant magenta ribbon, albeit it looked rather deformed and kind of reminded him of a deflated muggle football. He frowned and got closer since one little peak surely wouldn’t hurt, but somehow his hands couldn’t make any contact with the wrapping paper. It was as if the present itself, just wouldn’t let him touch it, no matter how hard he tried, his hand always seemed to slip away in the last second.

He sighed and took out his wand, ready to undo whatever barrier Albus had put on it.

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that, unless you want your hair to turn green.”

He turned around only to find Albus leaning against the doorway, a smug smile on his face.

“If I recall correctly, we agreed on opening our presents after breakfast.”

“Oh, come on, would that really make such a big difference?”

“Well certain things need the correct timing, you see.”, Albus said and took a brief glance at his pocket watch. “Oh, good the oatmeal should be ready by now.”

“Well, I hope so, I want to find out why my present looks like you suddenly forgot how one uses wrapping paper.”

Albus chuckled. “You’ll still need a bit of patience, I´m afraid.”, he said and started to make his way to the kitchen, before he suddenly turned around once more, as if he had forgotten something important. “Gellert.”

“Yes?”

“There is in fact a present, you are already allowed to open. I’ve placed it on our bed.”

And before Gellert could make any further enquiries the kitchen door slit shut.

As he made his way upstairs Gellert just knew Albus was enjoying this whole situation immensely and maybe he should have expected it, for the other had always loved mysteries and being one step ahead of him, leaving Gellert in the dark about his plans. And he certainly was one step ahead now, for he would have expected just anything as he undid the wrapping paper, but somehow not… muggle clothes?

But unmistakably here they were, and he was now in possession of warm navy-blue wool sweatpants, a scarf with a matching woolly hat, gloves, a black snowsuit, and a matching turtleneck with a note pinned to it.

Your outfit for today.

Merry Christmas

Albus

He snorted. Was this supposed to be some kind of joke? Or a kind of test in order for Albus to determine how his tolerance regarding non-magical folk had grown over the years?

Why would Albus gift him muggle clothes or more specifically a snowsuit out of everything? Sure, it could get cold here too, but never this cold. Or maybe Albus' comprehension of cold temperatures just differed from his, he had grown up in Southern England after all. Well, he could probably use the scarf and the gloves. The turtleneck also wasn’t that bad, which was an understatement since it was perfect actually, elegantly tailored, comfortably warm, and of course, Albus had gotten exactly the right fit. The same was true for the sweatpants, not that he’d expected anything different.

As he came downstairs Albus already awaited, sitting by their kitchen table, while enjoying a bowl of his disgustingly sweet oatmeal. “Oh, I must say the turtlenecks really suit you. Does everything fit?”

“Perfectly.”, Gellert replied. “So, enlighten me please, why do I need all this stuff?”

Albus chuckled. “After breakfast.”, he said and of course, that was the only thing Gellert was able to get out of him.

He was almost glad when they had eaten and finally gathered around the Christmas tree. Breakfast had been a fast affair. Albus who normally was quite a slow eater had hurried this time, constantly glancing at his pocket watch as if they were on a tight schedule. When Gellert had asked about it he had only said something about the right timing being everything, which made his frustration grow even more, for he still hadn’t been able to figure out what Albus was up to.

“Would it be alright if I open my present in the evening?”, Albus asked, glancing at his watch again. “I´m afraid there isn’t much time left.”

 “Much time for what?”, Gellert asked, but Albus just gave him a smug smile, still refusing to reveal the tiniest bit of information.

“Oh, before you open it… could you wait here for a moment? I need to grab something. I´ll be right back.”

Not that he had the chance to reply, for when he turned around Albus had already disapparated.

Gellert heard him upstairs, rummaging in their bedroom, doing Merlin knows what and then he was back again, Gellert’s snowsuit, gloves, and scarf swirling behind him, while he was wearing one himself. Albus' snowsuit was of a dark shade of violet, as well as his woollen hat and gloves, while he wore a matching turtleneck underneath. It was very unusual to see Albus like this since he was used to his extravagant robes by now, but somehow it still suited him. Of course, it did, it was Albus after all.

“For you.”, Albus said and sent his snowsuit flying in his direction. Gellert caught it in mid-air. “I´d advise you to put it on, it will get a bit cold otherwise.”

“Where are we going?”, asked Gellert while he put the snow pants and jacket on.

But Albus just chuckled and glanced at his watch once again. “Oh, you´ll see that in a minute, actually, you can unwrap the present now.”

Gellert undid the wrapping paper and what appeared like a deflated muggle football previously was in fact… a deflated muggle football. Only that a golden glow seemed to emerge from it.

“It’s a portkey.”, he said feeling entirely stupid. Even with all of Albus’ efforts to keep it a secret, it had still been quite obvious.

“For all your brilliance it took you quite a bit, didn’t it?”, Albus said with a chuckle while stepping behind him and placing a finger on the football. He glanced at his watch again.

“3…2….1.”

In the next instant, they were swept away in a myriad of colours and lights.

Gellert hadn’t even realized how much he´d missed snow before they landed in it.

Of course, he had known that he longed for it. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wished for at least some snowflakes every time he´d looked out of the window in the weeks before Christmas, only a few glances here and there, not getting his hopes up, since they were on the coast after all so expecting snowfall was quite unrealistic.

 It hadn’t been too hard to swap the cold winters of the Alps with never-ending rain and mud not hard all in fact when he got to be with Albus in exchange. But there had still been this quite tingling, this lingering sensation full of quiet longing he sensed, not often, but sometimes early in the morning when he drank his coffee and looked at the sea imagining mountains in her stead.

It all came back to him now as they were standing on a large snow-covered ledge, snow-capped mountain peaks and harsh rock faces rising above them, glittering whiteness in the sunlight, as impressive and majestic as always.

„We are in Austria, aren’t we?”

“Yes, in Tyrol just right before the border to Italy.”

“One of my favourite regions, I must say I’m impressed.”

Albus smiled smugly. “Well, I just know you too well. And I’ve also heard they make quite a good Kaiserschmarrn here.”

“You even looked up typical dishes?”

“Yes, and good huts too, the next one should be located an hour away from here.”

Gellert chuckled. “You are all prepared.”

“Well, of course.”, Albus said cheerfully. “But I’ll need you as a translator, for I´m afraid my German barely suffices for greeting and misunderstandings would be terribly inconvenient given I’m really craving something sweet.”

Gellert raised his eyebrows in playful outrage. “I see, so you are exploiting me for my mastery of the German language.”

“Well, I could always use a translation spell…”

“Well, I could always shove you down that mountain.”

“You are incredulous.”

“Oh, I know, but you love me.”

“Hmmm, let me think about it.”

“Albus.”

“Well, you just said you wanted to shove me down a mountain.”

Gellert snorted. “Well even if I wanted to, you wouldn’t let me.”

“Just because every other scenario would be unfortunate.”

“For you or for me?”

Albus looked at him. “Well, I’d say for both, because then I could never tell you that I do indeed.”

“Do what?”, Gellert asked.

“Love you, you old pinhead.”, Albus said, as if it were something perfectly normal to admit when one was standing knee-deep in snow on some random Austrian mountain. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t all in all Gellert found that he couldn’t have cared less when he took two final steps forward and Albus’ lips connected with his.

In the end, it took them two and a half hours to get to the hut. There had been no point in rushing, for it was only morning and they had the whole day at their disposal, no need to hurry, when they could just enjoy the scenery and take breaks in the midst of snow-covered forests, the snow crunching under their boots the only sound to be heard, making him feel like the rest of the world had vanished and he and Albus were the only ones remaining.

The hut was small but quite charming with its little windows and snow-covered roof. Fortunately, the terrace was almost entirely free. There didn’t seem to be any other customers aside from an elderly lady with a golden retriever beside her. 

They sat down at the far end of it making sure they had a good view over the forest and the valley.

There was a small menu lying on the table and Gellert skimmed through it, just out of curiosity, although he was already quite sure what he wanted to order. “Shall I translate for you?”, he offered looking at Albus.

“Oh, I already know that I want to try a Kaiserschmarrn, but you can help me with the beverages. I mean what is a Skiwasser?”

Gellert chuckled. “It has not much to do with skiing I´m afraid. Actually, I think you might like it it´s made of raspberry syrup mixed with lemon juice and water.”

“And what does Holundersaft mean?”
“Holunder means elder, so basically elderflower juice.”

Albus nodded. “I think I´ll take the Skiwasser then, along with a hot chocolate perhaps since it’s a bit cold.”

“Not that you could just use a heating charm and do without your beloved hot cocoa.”

Albus raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Gellert snorted. “Yeah, I´m quite sure of that.”

“Guten Tag was darf es für Sie sein?“ / Hello, what can I bring you?

He hadn´t even noticed the waitress approaching. She was quite young in her mid-20s at most, with wavy black hair, bundled up into a ponytail and a small notepad in her hands.

“Wir nehmen einmal die Topfenknödel und einen Kaiserschmarrn, bitte.“ / We'll take the Topfenknödel and a Kaiserschmarrn, please.

She nodded, scribbling on her notepad.

“Und zum Trinken?” / And to drink?

“Für mich einen kleinen Schwarzen mit einem Schuss kalter Milch, für ihn ein Skiwasser und eine heiße Schokolade.“ / A black coffee with a bit of cold milk for me, a Skiwasser and a hot chocolate for him.

„Mit oder ohne Sahne? Oh, und wir hätten auch Schokostreusel.“ / With or without cream? Oh, and we'd also have some chocolate sprinkles.

„Mit Sahne und Streuseln und extrasüß, wenn’s geht. “, he said without hesitation. / With both cream and sprinkles and make it extra sweet if possible.

She nodded. „Geht klar.“ / Sure.

„Danke… Milena. “, he said briefly glancing at her name tag. / Thanks... Milena.

She smiled at him. “Kein Problem. Ich bringe es sofort, ja?“ / No problem, I'll bring it right away.

„What did you take? “, Albus asked as soon she was gone.

“I decided on a black coffee with some milk and Topfenknödel so essentially ricotta dumplings filled with apricot pieces. They are usually covered with poppy seeds and served with vanilla sauce.”

“Sounds delicious.”

Gellert grinned. “I know, we can share a bit if you want. It´s been long since I´ve eaten a Kaiserschmarrn and you can’t leave Austria without having tried Topfenknödel.”

Albus chuckled. “Deal, I need to have the full experience after all.”

“Exactly.”, Gellert replied and leaned back, enjoying the winter sun on his face.

Albus shuffled closer to him, now also leaning back while intertwining their hands under the table.

 “I think you are in need of a heating charm, darling.”

“Am I?”

“Mhm yes.”, Gellert said, sitting back up and grabbing Albus' other hand as well, now covering both of them with his.

Warmth radiated from his fingertips and Albus sighed contentedly as the heat spread through his hands.

“Why haven’t you said that you are cold?”, Gellert muttered.

“Because it wasn’t that bad yet.”

“It surely was. And you should take care, especially since your hand…”

“Gel, you´ve healed it. There is no need to worry anymore.”, Albus interrupted him gently.

“Still, I´m not going to take any chances.”, he said and sent a few last bolts of warmth, before he carefully massaged Albus' hands, making sure the heat had spread properly.

“So dann hier einmal das Skiwasser, die heiße Schokolade mit Sahne und der kleine Schwarze mit einem Schuss kalter Milch.“ / Alright so here we have the Skiwasser, the hot chocolate with cream and the coffee with a bit of cold milk.

Again, he hadn’t noticed the waitress approaching since he’d been too caught up in Albus' presence, like usual.

Albus' hands slightly twitched in his, like he wasn’t sure if he should draw them back in order to pretend for the waitress, but Gellert just gave him a reassuring squeeze and met the waitress’s gaze. “Dankeschön.” / Thanks

“Bitteschön.” / You are welcome, she replied, setting the beverages down at their table, mild curiosity in her gaze, but apart from that…nothing. No sign of the hatred or the disgust they had encountered so many times when they´d been younger.

“Der Rest müsste gleich fertig sein.“ / The rest should be ready soon.

„Geht klar, danke.“ / Alright, thank you, he said and she gave him a slight smile, then turned, entering the hut again.

Albus' gaze followed her. “It's nice to see that muggle society has changed as well.”

“Not everyone.”

“I know, but it’s a beginning, isn’t it?”

Gellert gently squeezed his hand once more. “It is.”

Albus gaze swept back to their beverages. “Oh, look she put chocolate sprinkles on top of my hot chocolate.”

“Really? How thoughtful.”, Gellert said and couldn’t suppress a smile when Albus took his first sip.

Their Kaiserschmarrn and Topfenknödel arrived soon after. Gellert eyed Albus curiously as he took his first bite. The other was chewing very carefully as if not sure what to expect, his eyes narrowed in concentration as if he wanted to distinguish every single ingredient.

He chuckled. “Your verdict?”

Albus grinned. “Oh, you won’t like it.”

 “Why? Do you not enjoy it?”

“On the contrary. “; said Albus, while dipping his Schmarrn in applesauce and taking another bite.

“Actually, it’s one of the best desserts if ever eaten, so I´m afraid you´ll need to make it for lunch when it’s your turn tomorrow.”

Gellert groaned. “You are aware that I can’t cook, are you?”

Albus shrugged. “You´ve gotten much better so I think you are fully capable.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too.”, Albus said fondly. “Can I get a bite of your Topfenknödel now, it looks delicious as well.”

“If you promise that I don’t need to make them for you.”

“I´m afraid I can’t guarantee that.”, Albus said amused and Gellert sighed shuffling closer while sliding over his plate so Albus could get better access.

“Hmm also really good, but not able to top the Kaiserschmarrn.”

“Well, not many things are able to top a good Kaiserschmarrn.”, Gellert said with a smug grin. “And now let me try a piece, I haven’t had one in years.”

For a while they just ate in comfortable silence, occasionally stealing one or two bites from the other's plate, just enjoying each other’s presence and the marvellous view over the valley. He had almost finished his Topfenknödel and Albus was chewing on the last pieces of his Schmarren when new customers arrived. Three young men, all quite strong-looking, but nonetheless staggering slightly as they sat down at the table next to them. A slight alcohol streak emanated from the group and of course, they ordered three mugs of beer and mulled wine for each of them.

Gellert didn’t have the energy to deal with drunks right now, but most likely he and Albus would be gone anyway before they would get seriously wasted.

“Can I get the last piece of your Topfenknödel?”, Albus asked, and he nodded shoving the plate further in his direction.

“Thank you.”

“Well, actually I should be the one giving thanks.”

Albus looked at him. “For what?”

“For all of this. It was the best surprise you could have given me.”, Gellert replied, and he meant it. “I like the coast, but I must say from time to time I still find myself missing the snow and the mountains.”

Albus took his hand and squeezed it. “I know. “, he said gently. “I could see it in the way you were looking out of the window sometimes. And we can return as often as you like, maybe we could even get a second cottage here after we settled everything with Voldemort. What do you say?”

“That would be perfect.”, Gellert said softly, unable to hide the emotion in his voice. “It would really mean a lot to me.”

“I know.”, Albus replied and pressed a light kiss to his knuckles.

“Verdammte Schwuchteln.” / Damned faggots

The exclamation hadn’t been loud, but it had still been enough for him to hear it. He stared at the group of men sitting next to them and felt his blood boil. They just looked back, seemingly unimpressed, not caring that he had heard, waiting for some kind of reaction and oh he would give them one. They had no idea with whom they dealt, no idea of what he was capable of, they…

“Is everything alright Gel?”, Albus asked. “You look a bit pale.”, his voice was so gentle and worried, that it made his heart leap in his chest. The three men were still staring at them, but Albus didn’t notice it since he sat with the back to them, he also probably hadn’t heard or understood the insult directed at them, otherwise Gellert doubted that he would have looked so relaxed and calm, his questioning gaze still on him.

He swallowed and forced himself to calm down. He didn’t want to ruin this for the other, not today. Albus deserved a peaceful and happy Christmas, and these idiots wouldn’t take that from him.

He would let this remark slide, not for his sake, but for Albus´. He took a deep breath and mustered a small smile.

“Nothing to worry about, I´m perfectly fine, just a bit tired that’s all.”

“Maybe another coffee would help you.”, Albus suggested, but Gellert had no interest in prolonging their stay.

“It's fine really, I´m not thirsty. Can you fetch the waitress and say that we want to pay?”

Albus frowned. “I don’t know the language well enough for that, why don’t you go?”

“I want to enjoy the view a little longer.”, Gellert said because there was no way, he would leave Albus alone with these idiots. “Just use your magic on her and convince her that you speak German as well.”

“You are acting strange. Are you sure that everything…”

“Just go and fetch her.”, he interrupted, perhaps more harshly than he’d intended, for there was a flicker of hurt in Albus’ gaze.

“I- Albus I´m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I just think I´d feel better if we got back to the forest, it felt more peaceful there.” He searched for the other's gaze. “Please would that be alright?”

Albus nodded slowly. “Alright, I´ll fetch the waitress.”

Gellert let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”, he said and briefly touched Albus arm. It was more of a habit, he hadn´t really thought about it, it was only a tiny movement after all, an innocent gesture, that came as natural to him as breathing. He hadn´t kept in mind that the table next to them was still eyeing them, only waiting for an opportunity like this.

“Man sollte sie wegsperren. Scheiß Tunten, der in schwarz sieht, ja zumindest nicht so aus. Kann man auch nicht von allen sagen. “ /They should lock them all up. Fucking sissies, well at least the one in black, doesn't look like one. I mean one cant say that about all.

Laughter.

He clenched his fists and the plates on their table began to shake.

“Gellert? What are they saying?”

“Nothing.”, he pressed out between clenched teeth. “Go and fetch the waitress, Albus, please.”

“I want to know what they are saying.”

“I won’t translate. Please Albus just go.”

“Da stimme ich dir zu dem in Lila, hätte ich es aus einem Kilometer Entfernung angesehen.“ / I agree with you, when it comes to the one in violet, I could have spotted it from miles away.

More laughter.

He tried to take deep even breaths. “Albus please.”

“Ganz ehrlich in solchen Fällen hilft selbst die stärkste Gehirnwäsche nicht. Ich meine bei dem einen ist ja vielleicht noch was zu machen, aber beim anderen…“ / To be frank in these cases even the strongest brainwash has no use. I mean maybe one could still do something when it comes to the one in black, but the other looks like he is beyond saving.

„Einfach ekelhaft. Man sollte ihn in ein Straflager stecken und hoffen, dass es schnell geht.“ / Just disgusting. One should put him in a penal camp and hope that it'll be quick.

He tried to calm himself, to ignore the rage boiling in him. Breathing in. Breathing out.

And that was when he saw it.

The glistening. Almost exactly like in his dreams.

One of the muggles had a pocketknife in his hand, holding it ever so nonchalantly, his gaze directed at Albus, a malicious grin on his face.

That was it.

Maybe his control wouldn’t have slipped if their comments had been about him instead of Albus, maybe then he would have pretended further for the other's sake, maybe then he could have mustered the strength to just ignore them, maybe then he would have just vanished the knife upon seeing it, would have let Albus fetch the waitress and paid. Maybe. He didn’t know. He didn’t care either.

He just knew that he was suddenly on his feet, his raw power knocking their table and the one from the group over, plates, and glasses, scattering on the floor.

The three looked at him with wide eyes, their mouths moving but no sound coming out and it took him a while to realize that the only reason they weren’t screaming was because he prevented them from doing so. He had blocked their airways without even thinking about it, just out of instinct as it seemed. No one had the right to insult and threaten Albus and just get away with it. And they wouldn’t they definitely wouldn’t. He would protect him, and he wouldn’t fail. Not this time.

No one would ever take Albus from him.

He made a slight movement with his hand, and they fell to their knees, still desperately gasping for air. Their faces slowly turned blue, but they hadn´t learned their lesson, it wasn’t enough, not just yet.

He wanted them to get hurt. He wanted them to feel pain.

Blood began to drip down their faces and soaked their clothes. Cuts spread all over their bodies, first only shallow, then also deeper ones. A wet spot appeared on the pants of the youngest one and he laughed as he realized that he had just pissed himself out of fear. Well, they should have thought first, before messing with him, before threatening the only person he would do anything to protect, the only person he ever…

“Gellert.”

Some distant part of him was aware that someone was approaching, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. His entire focus lay on the three men, tears streaming down their faces now, silently begging him to stop.

“Gellert please.”

A hand closed around his wrist and then Albus came into view, and he was crying…? Why was he crying? Had the man with the knife hurt him, had he somehow managed to…? His anger flared up in him again stronger than ever and the first of them fell to his side, pathetically twisting on the ground like some bug, like some…

“Gellert stop. That is not right. Let them go.”

Why would Albus tell him to stop? They had hurt him after all, hadn’t they? They deserved it. All of it.
“Gellert please.”

Albus was begging now.

His hand wavered a little and his grasp loosened ever so slightly, but not quite enough yet.

“Don’t force me to do this again. Don’t force me to fight you.”

Albus' voice was no more than a faint whisper, but he still understood him perfectly. He stared at the other, who stood in front of him now, wand raised, great sadness in his gaze, but also determination. Determination to do what was right and suddenly he realized that he had seen that look before. Tears still glistened on Albus' cheeks.

“Please, Gellert.”

Albus' voice shook, but he held his wand perfectly steady.

“Please if you ever loved me…”

More tears.

Albus' gaze was focused on him, wand still raised.

It´s alright. He wanted to say. It´s alright I´m taking care of the issue.

But that wasn’t true, wasn’t it? Because if it was alright, why would Albus cry then? Why would he stand in front of him, wand raised? It didn’t make any sense.

It didn’t make sense that Albus didn’t spare the men a single glance. It didn’t make sense that he was looking at him instead, deep sorrow and anguish in his eyes.

“Please stop.”

And that was when he realized.

Albus wasn’t hurting or crying because of them.

No this was all about…

Him.

He stared at the men, twisting on the floor. The blood on their bodies. Their mouths still desperately gasping for air. Their faces were almost of a violet shade by now. Their movements getting weaker and weaker.

He was killing them. But that couldn’t be.

He had changed…he hadn’t expected, he hadn’t wanted….

He let his hand sink, freeing the airways of the three choking figures on the floor.

Albus was still standing there, his gaze full of horror. He couldn’t find a glimpse of the usual warmth in it. And somehow, he knew that he deserved it.

Albus had made him believe that he was worthy of his love and goodness.

But he never had been.

He had just proven that.

“I´m sorry.”, he whispered. “Albus I´m so sorry.”

Albus couldn´t recall how he had mustered the strength to get them out of there.

He remembered using several healing spells on the men.

Deploying the tables again.

Repairing the plates and broken cups back with a flick of his wand.

Obliviating everyone.

Gellert a shaking mess on the floor. Whispering “I´m sorry” over and over again.

His throat constricting because he couldn’t bring himself to say “It´s alright.”

Not yet, if ever.

Him taking out his second portkey, which was supposed to activate in four hours.

Him recalibrating it.

Them landing straight in their bedroom. Gellert still shaking.

“I´ll be right back.”, he had said and laid the other down on the bed. “I´ll make you a tea with some calming potion.

That had been three hours ago.

He hadn’t even started making anything.

He just couldn’t face Gellert right now.

After five hours he finally brought himself to set up a tray with the tea, a few sandwiches, and some leftover cookies.

He put it in front of their bedroom door and knocked.

He didn’t enter. He didn’t even wait for Gellert to open the door.

After six hours he put his cloak on and went for a walk.

It was dark outside, and it was raining, but he didn’t bother to cast an “Impervious.”

He wandered around the beach, having no specific goal in mind just going further and further, until he didn’t know where he was anymore.

He didn’t care and he didn’t bother to apparate or use a point me spell. He just tried path after path until he was standing in front of their house again, completely soaked and shivering, realizing a part of him had hoped, that he would never find his way back.

He looked at his pocket watch.

He had been away for four hours.

He entered the house again and everything was quiet. The tray with the food and a now cold tea stood untouched before their bedroom door. He just stepped over it, lacking the energy to put it away. He got out of his soaking-wet clothes and pulled his nightshirt on.

He slipped under the covers, ignoring the unmoving figure that lay on the other side of the bed, although he knew that Gellert had been watching him since he´d entered the room.

He tried to sleep, but he couldn’t.

He still saw their faces in front of him, twisted in agony, blood all over their body, Gellert’s laugh as one of them had pissed himself out of fear.

He felt sick.

Terribly, terribly sick.

It had almost been too late for one of them.

The wound on his neck…

If he hadn’t immediately noticed…

What would he have done then? Could he have lived with that? With the knowledge that Gellert had killed someone because they had insulted him?

He started to tremble.

It was too much.

The room. Their bed.

Everything. Just everything.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out of here.

He threw the covers back almost violently and got up making his way to the door.

It flew open before he´d even reached it and he stumbled outside, thankful to get away, thankful to…

“Albus…” Gellert's voice was hoarse, barely audible, but it still made him stop. There was so much hurt in it, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that it sounded like a plea.

“Albus…”

His heart constricted, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t just crawl back into their bed and act like nothing happened.

“I´m going to sleep on the couch tonight.”

He thought that he heard a faint sob before the door fell shut behind him.

They didn’t talk to each other in the next days.

Not that, that would have been difficult since they barely saw each other.

He only got a few glimpses of Gellert when he left their bedroom to use the bathroom once a day.

Apart from that he had the whole house to himself.

He corresponded with the Order.

He made progress on their research regarding the horcruxes.

The trio was camping in the Forest of Dean.

Muggle families were found dead in London.

Hagrid had changed his hideout and he set up the protection spells for him.

He was away for half a day.

He didn’t know if Gellert even noticed.

He made himself over-sugared oatmeal for breakfast.

He ate half of the Christmas pudding they had wanted to have for dinner before everything had gone so fundamentally wrong.

He refused to look at Gellert´s present that still lay under the tree ready to be unpacked.

Tomato soup for lunch.

He put a bowl in front of their bedroom, where it joined the plate of mashed potatoes, the cup of black coffee and the lasagne he had made the other day.

It all looked untouched.

He knocked at the door. “Gellert you need to eat something.”

He didn’t have the strength to go inside.

He threw the food away the next day.

He went on long walks, letting himself get soaked by the constant rain.

He couldn’t sleep.

He put new food in front of their bedroom, only to still see it untouched after two days.

He saw Gellert stumble out of the bathroom, his eyelids red and swollen, sweat glistening on his forehead, still wearing the same clothes he had three days prior.

He made his way to their bedroom, his hand already lying on the door handle, only to pull back last second.

He couldn’t.

He unwrapped Gellert’s present in the middle of the night.

A small box with a note pinned to it.

“I almost lost my patience while knitting them. Appreciate it. Thanks. Yours fondly, Gel.”

He opened the lid.

Gold snitches and the silhouette of Hogwarts on a red background.

Gellert had clearly at least tried to make them the muggle way, since some parts were not quite fitting together, and it also looked like he had run out of wool at some point, for the red suddenly got darker halfway through, but that couldn’t stop him from letting out a sob.

And before he knew it tears were streaming down his face as he was clutching the socks Gellert had made for him.

He still held them in his hand when he awoke in the morning, unable to recall how he´d managed to get on the couch or when he´d fallen asleep.

He looked at them again and then got up.

He left the living room and went to the kitchen, preparing a black coffee, a glass of water and a cheese sandwich.

He went upstairs.

He stopped in front of their bedroom, his hand lying on the door handle again.

Only that he didn’t recoil this time.

No, this time he pushed it down and entered.

The room was in chaos. Clothes and books lay scattered on the floor, Gellert’s nightstand had been knocked over, and the curtains were partly torn.

He restored it all with a flicker of his wand.

Gellert didn’t even acknowledge his presence. He just lay on the bed, completely unmoving, despite the small tremble that went through his arms.

He sat down next to him.

Close, but without their bodies touching.

“I´ve made you breakfast.”

Silence.

“You need to eat something.”

Gellert looked at him for a moment, then averted his gaze.

“Just place it on the nightstand. I will eat it later. Thank you.”

His voice sounded rough, almost exhausted.

Albus swallowed thickly. “Could you at least take one or two bites now? Please?”

Silence again.

Then Gellert slowly pushed himself into a sitting position and took the plate out of his hands.

He was still trembling.

He picked up the sandwich and eyed it for a short while, as if not quite sure what he should do with it, then took a small bite and put the plate on the nightstand.

“You´ve seen me eat.”, he whispered. “I´m alright, you can leave now.”

Albus shook his head. “I didn’t come here for that.”

“Why then?”

“I…can we…talk about it?”

“Why would you want that?”

“Why not?”

Gellert exhaled shakily. “I would have killed them, and you know that.”

“Yes.”

A lone tear rolled down Gellert’s cheek.

“There is nothing to talk about. I lost control, that’s it. You should leave now.”

“I won’t.”

“Please, Albus.”

“I know you don’t really want that.”, Albus said gently.

“No, but it's better.”, Gellert choked out. “This is not healthy.”

“What is not healthy?”

Another tear. “Don’t you get it? No matter what I do it always ends in the same way…I hurt you more than they did. You were nearly forced to fight me again, after everything that happened…I mean I swore to myself that I´d never…but I still did…I….”

Gellert let out a choked sob. “I am so sorry Albus.”

His whole body was shaking by now and he curled in on himself, facing away from him. “I´m so sorry.”

Another few sobs.

Albus tentatively reached out and touched the other's shoulder.

“Gellert.”

Nothing.

“I would have killed them… I would have…”

 Little gasps as if he was struggling to breathe.

“Gellert please, I need you to calm down.”

“I can’t.”, Gellert's voice was hoarse from the sobs. “I´m sorry Albus. I´m so sorry, I…can´t, I shouldn´t have…I…I´m sorry.”

The shaking started to worsen, and he didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to solve this, so he did the one thing that came to mind first and pulled Gellert into a hug. He didn’t know if it would work. Didn’t know if it would help, when he entangled their legs and pulled the other close to his chest, stroking his hair and rubbing his back in soothing circles.

Gellert was soaking with sweat.

He was still wearing the turtleneck and the sweatpants he had bought for him, seemingly lacking the energy to change.

He needed to fetch him some fresh ones after he´d calmed. He would also make sure he ate that whole plate; he would force it into him if needed. He could feel Gellert’s ribs through his shirt, only slightly but still noticeably sharper than they had been a week ago.

He cursed himself for not doing anything earlier, for not noticing how bad it really was or not wanting to notice for that matter. He should have at least made sure Gellert ate, should have done something when all the food came back untouched instead of throwing it away, but he had been too caught up with recovering himself, unable to face the other and unable to help him.

Gellert slowly, but surely stopped to shake, but his breathing was still ragged and shallow, interrupted by occasional sobs and he suddenly remembered how Gellert had helped him just a few months ago, when Rita’s book had come out and his world had threatened to fall apart.

“Gel?”, he said his voice gentle, but firm at the same time. “You need to breathe; please could you try?”

A weak nod against his chest and Albus couldn’t help but feel a faint sense of relief.

“We are going to do it together.”, he said, his heart constricting as he remembered Gellert holding him, saying these exact words, his voice ever so gentle and understanding.

 “On the count of three.”

1

2

3

“Breathe in.”

1

2

3

“Breathe out.”

1

2

3

“Breathe in.”

1

2

3

“Breathe out.”
1

2

3

“Breathe in.”

He didn’t know how long it took, he just kept saying these words over and over, like some sort of mantra, kept saying it even as he felt Gellert’s breathing slow and surely return to a normal pace again, kept saying it as if it was some magic cure and it would get worse if he stopped.

Only when he was absolutely sure that Gellert had been breathing normally for longer than a minute he finally stopped, gently loosening his embrace, properly looking at the other for the first time since he'd entered.

Gellert looked terrible. His eyelids were swollen and red, as well as his nose, sweat glistened on his forehead and stuck to his hair, and his hands were still slightly trembling, but otherwise, he seemed to have no energy to move.

“I´ll get you some fresh clothes. Would that be alright?”, Albus asked softly and stood up as Gellert nodded making his way over to the other's closet.

He picked out Gellert’s favourite dark grey linen trousers, comfortable, but still elegantly tailored, exactly how he liked it, and added one of his black night shirts.

He sat down on the bed again, putting the clothes next to Gellert.

“Is it alright if I help you?”

Silence then a faint yes, uttered so gently he´d almost failed to hear it.

Albus carefully grabbed the sweatpants Gellert was wearing and slid them down Gellert’s legs, the other raising his hip in cooperation as he replaced them with the linen trousers.

He got him out of his turtleneck next, coaxing Gellert into a sitting position, then summoning his black nightshirt, helping him to put that on as well.

“Thank you.”, Gellert muttered and curled up next to him, close, but not too close.

He didn’t touch his body in any way.

Albus knew what that meant.

It was an unspoken question since now that Gellert had calmed touching wasn’t a necessity anymore.

These men. “, he asked quietly. “What exactly did they…?”

“I won’t translate such things.”

“I won’t understand it otherwise.”

Silence.

Gellert’s body seemed to tense, his breathing getting faster again.

But still silence.

“You don’t need to tell me now. We can also talk tomorrow if you want.”

Another few minutes of silence, but then Gellert finally spoke, his voice perfectly neutral, as if he was stating something from a book.

“They called us faggots and degenerates. The usual things. They made fun of our appearances, yours specifically since apparently you just looked like it. They said we were sick in the head and that in some cases, like in yours, even the strongest brainwashing wouldn’t help. They said it would probably be best to just…” And for the first time Gellert’s neutral tone was wavering, his voice slightly cracking and Albus wasn’t sure if he would be able to say it, but then he pressed it out. “They said it would be best to just put you in a penal camp and hope that it´d be quick and I’m not sure you saw it, but one of them had a pocketknife, I saw it glistening and it looked almost like…”

“The one you see in your dreams.”, Albus finished for him.

“Those aren’t dreams, these are visions.”

Albus said nothing.

“You need to understand…”, Gellert continued now in an almost desperate tone. “I swore myself that I’d never let you be hurt again, I swore myself that I wouldn’t fail you ever again, I couldn’t bear if anything happened I… I just couldn’t.

Albus exhaled shakily. “Did you plan to…?”

“Take it this far?  No. I wanted to make them pay for what they said, wanted them to stop threatening us, maybe scare them.  But in the end, I lost control. My anger was too big, as well as my fear. I think I didn’t really know what I was doing anymore, until I…I saw you cry and realized that it was because of me. You looked…in some way, you looked like you did on the day of our duel. You didn’t want to fight, but you would have. I didn’t want to put you through that again.”

Another few minutes of silence.

“Albus, do you hate me?”

He gave no answer to that.

He just shuffled closer until his arms closed around Gellert’s body and hid his face in the crook of his neck.

Gellert exhaled shakily, trembling as he let out another sob, this time out of relief and Albus just tightened his grip, feeling the other go slack in his embrace.

They remained like this for a while and then Gellert turned until they lay face to face their breaths mingling together.

“I wanted to thank you for the socks. They are perfect, really.”

“Oh, your present was too. I´m sorry that it ended the way it did.”

“I know.”

Silence.

“What they said was terrible.”

“Yes, but what I did wasn’t better, was it?”

Albus faltered. “No, but I can see how upsetting and angering hearing that must have been for you.”

“But you don’t understand why I reacted like I did.”, Gellert said quietly.

Albus swallowed thickly. “Not fully, no.”

It was true, to some degree he could see why Gellert had reacted the way he had. He knew Gellert’s fear of losing him, his fear of him getting hurt, of him being in danger, of Gellert failing him and being unable to do anything against it. Maybe he should have realized how deep that fear ran, maybe he should have realized how paranoid Gellert had gotten, especially since he had his supposed visions every night. Maybe he should have realized that Gellert had changed, but was still Gellert, not only in the good but also in the bad ways. Maybe he'd been a fool to not realize it, maybe he’d been too afraid to admit it in front of himself. Maybe he should have seen that Gellert’s love and compassion, run just as deep as his fear and paranoia, just as deep as his anger.

Yes, Gellert had changed. Yes, he didn’t hate muggles anymore, had been able to let go of his long-held hatred, his long-held resentment, yes, he regretted his actions. But there had been no muggles around when he’d raised his wand against Aberforth that day and Albus had seen that almost maddening expression in his face for the first time. He hadn’t been sure what to make of it back then, but after today he knew.

It was panic. Sheer, blank panic, hidden under a mantel of boiling rage. Because Aberforth had been a threat, just like these muggles. If one saw it through Gellert’s eyes they both had held the potential to separate him from the one person he’d always loved above everything. Him.

Wizarding History liked to describe Gellert as a cruel, emotionless monster, with no sense of empathy, but Albus knew better.

Gellert’s greatest strength and greatest flaw were one and the same. He had always felt things too deeply.

“It was nearly too late for one of them, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“I´m sorry.”

“I know.” He still couldn’t bring himself to say that it was alright. It wasn’t, but he couldn’t let go of the other either. So, he just continued to hold Gellert.

“You are not ready to forgive me yet.”

It wasn’t a question, so he didn’t answer, just tightened his touch around Gellert again.

Silence again.

“I think it's best if we take it slow for a while, regarding…”

“Our relationship?”, asked Gellert and even though he tried to hide it, Albus could still hear the hurt in his voice.

“Would that be alright?”

Gellert nodded. “It would. Just take your time.”

There was nothing to add after that.

Chapter Text

Albus did not avoid him.

He made sure that he ate and drank enough.

He asked for his help and advice regarding their strategy against Voldemort.

He made sure that his coffee had exactly the right temperature when it was his turn to make breakfast.

He wore the socks; he had knitted for him.

He didn´t sleep in the living room anymore.

He surprised him with his favourite sweets when he came back from Diagon Alley one afternoon.

He laughed at his jokes.

He discussed books he´d liked with him.

No, Albus didn’t avoid him.

But he didn’t kiss him anymore and Gellert refrained from initiating it.

He did touch him less and less, and he refrained from saying that he had noticed.

His nightmares had gotten worse again, but he refrained from telling him that.

He took two drops of sleeping draught every evening before going to bed since that kept him from tossing and turning. But it did little to keep him from having dreams altogether. It was still the same one. Over and over again. Running, the glistening knife in the darkness, the knowledge that he was too late.

He’d been so sure it was a vision, but after his loss of control, he didn’t trust his own judgement anymore. Maybe Albus had been right, and it didn’t mean anything.

Maybe he’d really just gotten too caught up in his own paranoia.

Maybe he’d really ruined everything for good this time.

He wasn’t sure if Albus loved him anymore.

And he didn’t want to ask.

In fact, he feared to find out.

But he didn’t tell him that either.

After the first month, he asked himself if they´d ever be able to return to what they had before all that.

After the second one, he started to seriously doubt it.

Sometimes he was just one step away from telling Albus that it´d be fine. That he could just say if he didn’t bear to live with him anymore, that he would surely find somewhere else to go, that he´d manage in some way, that he shouldn’t worry about it.

But on some days, there was this certain twinkle in Albus' eyes. That twinkle made him forget what had happened and for a moment…just for a moment, it seemed like everything was normal. He would reach out to take Albus' hand or plan to give him a kiss on the cheek and then he would stop because he remembered that they didn’t do that anymore. The twinkle in Albus' eyes would vanish and he would look at him as if he knew exactly what he was thinking. He didn’t know if he imagined the tint of sadness in his eyes, that always appeared on such occasions. He wasn’t sure, but nonetheless, it gave him the strength to hope. Because if Albus didn’t care he wouldn’t be sad about it, would he?

Maybe they could work everything out at some point.

Maybe. Hope was cruel, for she kept one fighting, but guaranteed nothing. But still…he would try it, he would fight, it was for Albus after all.

When March came the weather changed. The constant rain was replaced by periods of cloudiness and the fog that hung over the sea seemed to lessen bit by bit.

They’d abandoned their usual walking routine in winter (whether due to the weather or the circumstances, Gellert wasn’t sure) so he was surprised when Albus asked him to go for a walk on a surprisingly sunny Tuesday morning.

He didn’t really feel up to it, but then he and Albus had barely spent any time together for days and only really interacted when having lunch or dinner. Considering this a walk surely wouldn’t hurt.

So, he found himself strolling down the beach 15 minutes later, while trying to prevent the wind from stealing his cloak. The waves seemed wider and bigger and Albus let out a small chuckle as one of them managed to wet Gellert’s feet.

“That isn’t funny.”, he said although he couldn’t suppress a small smile when he saw the amused twinkle in Albus' eyes. He searched for his wand ready to use a drying spell, but Albus was faster.

“Here let me.”, he said and bent down aiming his wand at Gellert’s shoes and socks.

Warm spread around his ankles and feet, enveloping them like a soft blanket and in the blink of an eye the wetness was gone.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”, Albus said. He staggered slightly, as he got back up and Gellert reached out, grabbed Albus’ arm almost out of instinct, in order to steady him.

They hadn’t touched each other in days, and he hadn’t realized how much he´d longed for physical closeness until he felt the soft fabric of Albus' robes under his fingertips, until he noticed every little movement his arm made. If he concentrated enough, he could even feel Albus’ pulse, just a few centimetres from where his hand lay, could feel the blood rushing through Albus' body.

Steady, regulated thuds.

Oh, how he’d missed listening to that rhythm. How it reassured him not only to see but to actually feel it, to feel that Albus was here with him, safe and sound.

“Gellert, what are you doing?”

Albus regarded him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher and that was when he realized that he´d been clutching at his arm for way longer than what was considered customary.

He pulled his hands back. “Apologies. Let’s just continue with our walk, shall we?”

He saw Albus nod, but the expression on his face remained. Gellert knew that one all too well. It was the mask Albus slipped on when he needed to think and didn’t want others to see his true emotions. It was the mask he slipped on when he didn’t trust people enough to be open with them and he’d been seeing it more and more over the last few months. And it hurt. It hurt to see how it was used against him time and time again, hurt to get the confirmation that he was still unworthy of Albus' trust, still unwanted, not worthy to be let in again.

“I want to go back.”

“Sure.”, said Albus looking at him again “Is everything alright?”

And he almost laughed, because nothing was or had been alright in these two months, not since he had ruined everything so profoundly, not since Albus had said that he wanted to take it slow for a while, not since every little touch between them had grown into something awkward, something that wasn’t usual anymore, something Albus didn’t want.

“Of course.”, he said. “I´m just a bit tired that’s all, you can go on alone if you want.”

“No, I think I´ll go with you, it looks like it´ll begin to rain soon.”, Albus responded, and he nodded, not really caring, just wanting to get back, be alone and forget about this.

“Gellert are you sure that everything is fine?”, Albus actually sounded worried now.

“Like I said everything is splendid.”

He could feel Albus' gaze on him.

“If there is something you want to talk about…”

And this time he really needed to laugh, because Albus knew perfectly well that there was plenty that they needed to address, and he would have done so if the other hadn’t explicitly stated that he needed some time. And he had given him that hadn’t he? He had given him that without complaining once, even though it killed him to see them grow further and further apart, but if Albus wanted that, he would respect it. He would respect it if Albus didn’t want to rekindle their relationship again.

He would respect it if Albus’ desires or feelings had changed. But to rub it in his face like that was just beyond cruel.

“It doesn’t matter if I want to or not you know that perfectly well. My opinion doesn’t count, it’s your verdict I´m still awaiting, if you haven’t forgotten by now.”

“If you are referring to my desire to take it slow…”

“Precisely. We´ve been taking it slow for two months Albus and sometimes it still seems like you can’t even look at me properly. We can’t go on like that forever, you need to decide at some point.”

“Decide what?”

Gellert swallowed thickly. “Decide whether you want to continue this or not. I mean I will accept it if you´d prefer to go separate ways, I can accept it if you don’t…” He couldn’t say it. It was too painful.

Albus looked at him wide-eyed. “If I don’t what…?”

“If you don’t return my feelings anymore.”, he said, refusing to look at the other.

Silence.

Then Albus voice soft, ever so gentle. “Gellert…”

But he never heard what the other had wanted to say, because there was a loud bang and he took a few steps back, instinctively shielding Albus from the danger that…

“Dobby what are you doing here?”

And it was indeed the house elf standing before them, shivering, looking at Albus with wide fearful eyes.

“They have Harry Potter Mr Dumbledore Sir. Your brother Aberforth sent me to Malfoy Manor Sir, but you have said that Dobby should inform you if Harry Potter is in any danger and now Dobby is here.”

“You have done the right thing Dobby.”, Albus said friendly. “Now what has Aberforth told you exactly?”

“He has this mirror Mr. Dumbledore Sir, and he has seen Harry Potter in it and…”

Gellert frowned. “Which mirror?”

“Sirius two-way mirror.”, Albus said. “I had the second piece after his death and gave to Aberforth in the summer where I injured my hand because I thought… well I thought it would be more useful if he had it, for obvious reasons.”

Gellert nodded grimly. He still hated that. To be reminded of what almost would have happened, not even a year ago. The thought of losing Albus, due to his blackened hand still made him feel nauseous.

“Aberforth thinks they are in a cell at the Malfoy house, but Dobby is a house elf and Dobby knows the house, Dobby can get in very easily.”

Albus nodded. “That is very brave of you Dobby. Can you take me with you?”

“But there will be danger Mr. Dumbledore Sir.”

“Oh, I´m sure of that and I think that is precisely the reason why I should be there.”, Albus said, giving the elf a small smile.

“I´m going with you.”, Gellert said, before Albus could protest. Didn’t matter how their relation was right now, he wouldn’t leave him alone with this. “You need any help you can get, don’t you?”

Albus narrowed his eyes and Gellert knew he was searching for some sort of excuse that would require him to stay here, but try as he might, he was perfectly aware of the fact that there was none. Albus seemed to realize that too, for he let out a defeated sigh and offered his hand to Dobby, gesturing for Gellert to do the same.

In the next instant, they landed in darkness. For a moment he was unsure whether the elf had even apparated them to the right place, but then Albus clicked his Deluminator, and three balls of light flew in the air revealing Harry, Ron, this Lovegood girl, a black-haired boy and a fragile looking old man huddled up in the corner.

Dobby's enormous, tennis-ball-shaped eyes were wide; he was trembling from his feet to the tips of his ears. He was back in the home of his old masters, and it was clear that he was petrified.

"Harry Potter," he squeaked in the tiniest quiver of a voice, "We have come to rescue you."

Albus' gaze darted around quickly assessing the situation.

“Where is Mrs. Granger?”

Harry looked at him, horror in his gaze. “She…”

“They´ve taken her upstairs and…”, Ron faltered his face white as a sheet of paper. “They are interrogating her.”

An awful scream drowned Ron’s words, confirming what Gellert had already suspected, for such interrogations were always just an euphemism for torture.

Albus clutched his wand.

“Dobby, I want you to grab everyone, despite me and Gellert and…”

“No.”, Harry and Ron burst out at the same time.

“Professor I´m not going…”
“I´m not leaving her behind, we aren’t your students anymore, you can’t…”

“I can and I will.”, Albus' voice was firm and, in his gaze, lay an unspoken authority that wasn’t to be reckoned with.

“Dobby.”, he repeated. “Grab everyone and take them to… take them to…”

“But Professor…”, Harry tried one last time.

Gellert sighed. “Believe me it will be far easier for Albus and me to get Mrs Granger out of there if there aren’t random wanna-be wizards we need to look out for.”

“We aren’t wanna-be wizards, we…”

“You don’t even have half the fighting experience I and Albus do. If you find that that statement is false and you could be of help, instead of being in our way, you are welcome to come with us. So let me ask you, is that the case?”

Harry shot him an angry glance, but then shook his head, defeated. “It isn’t.”

“Good. So, Dobby grab everyone and take them to…”

"Bill and Fleur's," muttered Ron. "Shell Cottage on the outskirts of Tinworth!"

“Thank you Mr. Weasley.”, Albus said. “And then come back. Can you do that, Dobby?"

"Of course, Mr. Dumbledore Sir.," whispered the little elf. He hurried over to the old man, who appeared to be barely conscious, then held out his other hand to Harry, Ron, Luna, and the black-haired guy, which caught hold of Dobby’s outstretched fingers.

Seconds later they vanished with a loud crack.

"What was that?" shouted someone from over their heads. "Did you hear that? What was that noise in the cellar?"

They both drew their wands.

"Draco… no, call Wormtail! Make him go and check!"

Footsteps crossed the room overhead, then there was silence.

Gellert knew that the people upstairs were listening for more noises from the cellar.

"Let me handle it.," he whispered to Albus and the other nodded.

They heard someone descending the steps outside the door, they backed against the wall on either side of it.

"Stand back," came Wormtail's voice. "Stand away from the door. I'm coming in."

The door flew open. For a split second Wormtail gazed into the apparently empty cellar, ablaze with light from the three miniature suns floating in midair. Then he let out a small squeak as he saw Albus and raised his wand, his hand shaking, but it was already too late.

“Imperio.”, whispered Gellert and Wormtail obediently offered Albus his wand, then sat down on the cellar floor.

"What is it, Wormtail?" called someone from above.

"Nothing!", Wormtail called back. "All fine!"

They left Wormtail sitting in the cell and locked the door behind them, then ran up the stairs, through shadowy passageways leading to something that appeared to be a drawing room.

The door was ajar, and they had a clear view of Lucius, Narcissa, Fenrir Greyback, Draco and Bellatrix looking down at a goblin, who was holding Gryffindor's sword in his long-fingered hands while bleeding from several wounds. Hermione was lying at Bellatrix's feet. She seemed barely conscious.

With a casual flick of her wand, Bellatrix slashed another deep cut into the goblin's face, and he dropped with a yell at her feet. She kicked him aside. "The dark lord will be here soon," she said in a voice that burst with triumph. “I think we can already dispose the mud blood. Greyback, take her if you want."

“Oh, I´m afraid you are getting a bit ahead of yourself.”, said Albus and strode into the room with confident steps, almost as if he´d been invited.

Bellatrix looked around, shocked; her mouth slightly agape and her brow furrowed in confusion as if she couldn’t quite comprehend how they had managed to appear so suddenly. She flicked her wand, and a jet of light flew in Albus' direction, but he deflected it without even looking at her properly.

Gellert chuckled.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, eh? Let’s see if you can do better!”, she screamed and pointed her wand at him, a mad grin on her face. And that was when he realized that she really thought that he, Gellert Grindelwald would be scared of someone like her. He couldn’t help it he began to laugh, a sound that hadn’t come out of him in weeks and he’d almost forgotten how it sounded the cold sharpness of it, the almost ugly cackling. His laughter had never sounded warm and welcoming like Albus’ and Nurmengard had ruined that even further, for after he’d been freed after 50 years, with very little to laugh at he’d found that he just wasn’t able to do it anymore, at least not in the same way he’d had in his youth, where the ugliness, the plain wrongness of it, hadn’t seeped through every tone.

Albus had once told him that this was nonsense and that there was nothing wrong with it, that it sounded perfectly normal, that he even found it beautiful, and a few months ago he’d almost believed him, but then Albus had always held an affinity for seeing beauty in messed up things, for seeing goodness, when there was simply none left.

He made short work of Bellatrix a few well-aimed spells and she lay at his feet, a whimpering mess, unable to stand, and he got closer, ready to fire the final spell…

But before he could do so a beam of light shot in his direction and to his delight it had come from the werewolf. Oh, how he’d yearned to get back at him since he’d tried to bite Albus at the astronomy tower.

“I could do you for afters, Dumbledore.” The mad glint, the hunger in his eyes when he’d said it, it still made Gellert’s blood boil.

He took a quick look at Albus, making sure he had anything under control. He apparently had given that Lucius and Narcissa lay on the floor by now seemingly unconscious while Draco was backed up into a corner, wandless and shivering. He saw Albus go over to Hermione gently turning her around, whispering some reassuring words, letting his wand slide over her wounds. A last look at Bellatrix’s whimpering form, then he focused on the werewolf again.

“I wanted to do this for a long time.”

Greyback laughed. “Oh, let me guess I have bitten one of your loved ones, have I?”

“If you had, you wouldn’t stand here anymore.”, he said calmly and fired a spell at the werewolf. The next moment Greyback was screaming and crawling backwards, foam in front of his mouth, his eyes unseeing and he continued to target him, firing spell after spell until blood began to drip from the werewolf's body, but then he caught a movement from the corner of his eyes.

Bellatrix was stumbling and staggering in Albus' direction, her wand aimed at him and Hermione.

“Look out.”, he yelled and Albus turned around just in time to block Bellatrix's spell.

Bellatrix laughed and aimed her wand at Albus again ready to fire another curse when they were interrupted by a loud creak above their heads. All of them looked upward in time to see the crystal chandelier tremble; then, with a creak and an ominous jingling, it began to fall.

He saw Albus wrap a protective spell around him, Hermione, and the goblin, while Bellatrix threw herself aside with a scream, losing her wand in the process, which slid over the polished wooden floor stopping a few meters away from her. She crawled towards it, but before she could reach it there was a loud crack and her wand flew through the air landing right in front of Gellert’s feet. For a moment he didn’t understand what had happened, but then Dobby trotted into the room, his shaking finger pointing at his old mistress.

"You must not hurt Harry Potters friends.," he squeaked.

"You dirty little monkey!" bawled Bellatrix. "How dare you take a witch's wand; how dare you defy your masters?"

"Dobby has no master!" squealed the elf. "Dobby is a free elf.”

A loud bang sounded in the distance."The dark lord will be here soon." Bellatrix words from earlier echoed in his head.

He saw Albus pick up Hermione and the goblin and without even thinking about it he picked up Bellatrix's wand and made his way over to them, seizing the elf’s hand and then they spun on the spot, ready to disapparate.

As he turned into the darkness he caught one last view of the drawing room of the pale, frozen figures of the knocked-out Narcissa and Lucius, of Draco still sitting in the corner, of the streak of white that was Albus's hair, and a blue of flying silver, for Bellatrix had thrown a knife, that now flew across the room at the place where they were vanishing.

And then they hit solid earth and smelled salty air. He saw Albus fall to his knees gently lowering Hermione to the ground.

Gellert squinted around through the darkness. There seemed to be a cottage a short way away under the wide starry sky, and he thought he saw movement outside it.

But somehow everything was blurred, and the world seemed to sway which was strange since they weren’t disapparating anymore. They had reached their destination hadn’t they and he never struggled with aftereffects from disapparating so why did everything… and then he looked down and saw the silver hilt of the knife protrude from his heaving chest.

It was glistening in the dark. And suddenly he realized that he had been wrong. When he’d dreamt of running through the darkness, of trying to reach someone important, of a knife glistening in the distance, it had never been actually been from his point of view, he’d never been the one running, no it had always been…

“Albus…”

His voice was barely more than a whisper, but Albus immediately looked up from where he was still cradling Hermione. Maybe it had been because of the panic in his tone or maybe Albus had just sensed that something wasn’t right, he didn’t know, and he didn’t have time to think about it, because in the next instant, the world seemed to tilt, and some distant part of him was aware that he was falling, but the impact never came because someone caught him and laid him sideways on the cool grass.

“Gellert…”

He saw Albus' lips moving, but couldn’t make out what he was saying, he felt too tired for that, way too tired, darkness began to spread on the edge of his vision, but he couldn’t let it win, not just yet he needed to…he needed to…tell him… one last time… he…

And Albus eyes found his, stars reflected in his incredible blue eyes, shining with tears and his lips trembled with the effort to form words.

“Albus…I…”

But then the darkness began to spread, faster and faster, enveloping everything, and he tried to fight it, albeit he knew that he had already lost, it was strong… just too strong and he felt himself fall… deeper and deeper and deeper and then… then there was nothing.

Albus had never lost control of his magic. So, he needed a while to realize that it was him who made the ground shake, needed a while to realize that it was him who was responsible for the wind suddenly howling, needed a while to realize that he was the reason for the waves crashing ashore with an almost violent consistency.  He even needed a while to realize that this was happening at all because his entire focus lay on Gellert whose eyes had fluttered shut, who lay in front of him, strangely still and unmoving.

Tears streamed down his face as he removed the knife with trembling hands, immediately drawing his wand to heal the wound, watching how the skin knitted itself back together, praying, begging that it wasn’t too late yet because it couldn’t be, he couldn’t lose him. Not Gellert.

“Professor.”, he felt a hand on his shoulder and then Harry and Bill were beside him, the boy looking at him wide-eyed as if he was seeing him for the first time and it was then that he realized that Albus Dumbledore wasn’t supposed to lose control. No, he’d always been the one to pull himself together, to take the initiative, the one who came up with a solution no matter the circumstances, the one who was calm and collected and knew what to do. But how could he ever find the strength to do that now, when it was Gellert’s life that was hanging by a thread? And it was his fault, entirely his, for hadn’t he told Gellert that his dreams were nothing to worry about? That it was too unclear, even if it were indeed a vision and therefore fruitless to think about? That he had gotten paranoid?

“We need to get him inside.”, he whispered. “Please we need to get him inside.”

And Bill nodded conjuring a stretcher with a flicker of his wand and together they carefully placed Gellert on it. He looked so fragile as he lay there, but he refused to think about it because Gellert would be alright. He needed to be alright. Because he didn’t know what he´d do otherwise, didn’t know how he could muster the strength to live in a world where Gellert Grindelwald didn’t exist.

The way to the house seemed to stretch endlessly and he held on to Gellert’s hand the whole time, feeling his pulse with his thumb, faint, barely there, trying to distract himself from the dark stain on his shirt.

It would be alright. Everything would be alright.

They finally reached the house and Fleur already awaited them, taking Hermione and the goblin into her care while Bill helped him to carry Gellert upstairs in what he assumed to be their guest room.

“I´ll fetch him a blood-replenishing potion, Fleur and I have some in store for emergencies. Just stay here, I´ll be right back.”

With that Bill ran out of the room and left him alone with Gellert.

“It’s going to be fine.”, he whispered, albeit he knew the other couldn’t hear him and reached out to gently brush a strand of hair out of Gellert’s face. “I´m going to clean your shirt now, alright?”

“Tergeo.”, he said and watched as the blood stain grew smaller and smaller, but it didn’t vanish completely, instead it even seemed to grow bigger again as soon as he lowered his wand.

His hands were shaking as he vanished the shirt just to confirm that his suspicions had been right. The wound was bleeding again. He murmured another healing spell and for a few seconds it seemed to work, the wound healed exactly as it should, and the injured flesh became whole again, but then little droplets of blood began to tear through the skin and then the wound reopened as if it had never been healed at all.

“No, please.”, he whispered because that could only mean one thing.

The knife had been poisoned.

And he didn’t even realize that he had begun to sob, before he felt tears dripping down his cheeks, mixing with Gellert’s blood while he muttered healing spell after healing spell, just to give Gellert’s body these few seconds of relief. It was only a short-term solution he knew, but it was the best he could do at the moment... and then he heard the faint cry of a phoenix in the distance, and he let out another sob, but this time out of relief, for Fawkes arrival meant that Gellert’s battered body at least wouldn’t have to fight against the poison for much longer.

The phoenix cooed reassuringly, then bent down and let two small tears fall onto Gellert’s wound.

This time the skin healed completely.

“Thank you, Fawkes.”, he said hoarsely, and the phoenix cooed another time, before settling down between him and Gellert on the bed.

“Albus, I have the potion…”, Bill stopped in his tracks, staring at the phoenix, but said nothing and just handed him the bottle.

“Three droplets every three hours.”

 “Thank you.”

“No problem and Albus?”

“Yes?”

“He is going to be alright, I´m sure of that. If you need anything else…”

“Not at the moment, but thank you for the offer, I’ll let you know.”

Bill nodded. “In case you want to eat something the kitchen is right downstairs. We can also bring you some food up here if you want.”

“I think I´ll just skip supper today since I´m not exactly feeling hungry, but I appreciate the gesture.”

For a moment Bill looked like he wanted to say something, but then he nodded again and made his way to the door, leaving Albus with Gellert’s unconscious body.

Albus didn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Gellert before him covered in blood and every time there was nothing, he could do to heal him. The wound just reopened over and over again.

So, he stayed awake, making sure that Gellert got his potion every three hours and distracted himself with reading Lockhart’s “Break with a Banshee”. He´d found it in the bedside drawer, maybe Mrs. Weasley had left it there on one of her stays or another guest of Bill and Fleur had been an admirer of Gilderoy although they´d gotten rare since the man in question had been admitted to St. Mungo’s.

Considering the fact that the man had just blatantly stolen all the stories and marked them as his own the book was well written. If it weren’t for the circumstances, he’d even found it entertaining and while he didn’t right now, it still did his job. It occupied his mind and kept him from thinking too much about anything else. Maybe that was why’d found his admiration for books in the first place, they’d always given him closure when there had been nothing else to hold on to.

It was already dawn his exhaustion finally caught up with him. He felt himself sinking into a light slumber only to be awakened by the ringing of his pocket watch two hours later, reminding him, that he needed to give Gellert his potion.

It was the last bit.

After that there was nothing, he could do for him, except to hope that he would wake up.

He poured the three droplets into Gellert's mouth and watched as the morning sun gave his hair a silvery shine.

He looked beautiful, almost as if he hadn’t been injured at all as if he was merely sleeping and would wake up at any moment now.

“Come back to me.”, he whispered “Please.”, and his voice broke because he knew it was no use.

Gellert couldn’t hear him.

“I will accept it if you don’t return my feelings anymore.”

The last thing Gellert had said to him, and he had never gotten the chance to give a proper response, for Dobby had interrupted their talk and after that everything had happened so fast…

He wished that he´d taken his chance now before they departed or at Malfoy Manor, three words would have been enough, they could have talked about everything else later, he should have said something, anything, but he hadn’t.

He had thought that they would still have time later on and that he could explain himself then. Explain that his feelings for Gellert hadn’t changed, not even wavered. Which was exactly the problem, because he had always loved Gellert, no matter what he had done.

He had needed that time to convince himself that he was still strong enough to pull away, if necessary, that he wasn’t blinded by love, that he wasn’t the same naïve boy he´d been when he was seventeen, who’d thought that he knew Gellert but had ultimately misjudged him so profoundly.

Maybe he should have told Gellert that he feared losing control over it, just like in that summer, precisely like in that summer.

He´d known that he´d hurt Gellert when he had begun to refrain from kissing or touching him, from spending as much time with him as he’d used to, had seen the pain in his gaze, when the other had thought he wasn’t looking, but he had thought that Gellert understood why he needed to do it, had understood why he needed this time, why he needed to remain distant.

He had never wanted Gellert to doubt or even think that he wasn’t worthy of his love anymore and if he´d known earlier… if he´d known how Gellert felt he would have made that clear immediately.

But he hadn’t and here they were now.

The vision had warned them, but Gellert had been so focused on his safety, that he hadn’t even thought of his own. And he hadn’t either, had he? He had just spent his time convincing Gellert that there was nothing to worry about, that his fears were irrational, that that vision didn’t mean anything, that nothing would happen to him. And nothing had happened to him indeed. No, he was perfectly healthy, while Gellert lay there, unconscious, every breath won out of a bargain with death himself. If he’d just taken that vision more seriously, if he’d just brought himself to look at it from another perspective, maybe then he and Gellert could have found the real meaning and everything would be fine.

But no, he hadn’t taken it seriously, had done the exact opposite in fact and after Gellert’s lapse of judgement, after his loss of control at Christmas, he’d even been more convinced that he’d been right with his assumption and hadn’t spared Gellert’s dreams another thought. And maybe Gellert had begun to think too, after it happened, had begun to think that it was indeed just his paranoia speaking, although the visions surely must have continued from Christmas, through winter, until spring. And his heart constricted at the thought of Gellert having to bear this burden alone, of not trusting his own judgement anymore, for if he had, he would have told him that he’d kept having those dreams.

“I´m sorry.”, he whispered and gently stroked Gellert’s hair. “I’m so, so sorry.”

He felt tears roll down his cheeks again and curled up beside Gellert, clutching his hand and feeling his pulse for what felt like the hundredth time. It still felt weak, but at least it hadn’t worsened overnight. He pressed a light kiss to Gellert’s knuckles, then cradled the hand to his chest, trying to convince himself that this was just a horrible nightmare, and he would wake up at any moment and then Gellert would be there and hold him until he’d fall asleep in his arms. “I need you.”, he whispered.

But Gellert just continued to lay there, still, and unmoving, indifferent to his pleas.

Chapter Text

Gellert’s state didn’t improve in the next few days.

Albus had brewed a few nourishing potions in the hope of strengthening him, but so far, they hadn’t helped. Gellert´s pulse remained weak; his body unresponsive to any outside sensation.

After three days Albus had finally gathered the strength to return to their house to fetch him and Gellert some fresh clothes. It had just been a quick in and out during which he had grabbed as many clothes as possible, stuffing them in some magically enlarged suitcase, not even paying attention to what he was packing in the first place. It had just been too painful to return there alone. It had been painful to see Gellert’s books sprawled on his night table still waiting to be read. It had been painful to see the jar of fresh coffee beans, still nearly full. It had been painful to see his handwriting on one of their research papers.

He had never noticed all these little things. Never noticed how the house seemed to be stuffed full of things that screamed of Gellert’s presence.

His winter cloak hanging beside the entrance.

The newspaper he had still wanted to finish, sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

His favourite living room chair.

The mayflowers he had brought him once, standing in the kitchen window.

Gellert Grindelwald going to Diagon Alley just to buy him some flowers. He still remembered how he’d thought that no one he knew would ever believe him that.

The house seemed to suffocate him.

Gellert laughing.

Gellert complaining about the smell of his oatmeal.

Gellert falling asleep on the couch, a book still in his hand.

Gellert using way too much salt for the soup he’d made for dinner, him pretending not to notice.

The memories seemed to be everywhere, coming at him without control and in the end, Albus couldn’t recall how he made it out of there, couldn’t recall how he had mustered the strength to enter their bedroom, pack their things and leave again, but somehow, he must have done it, otherwise, he wouldn’t be sitting in Shell cottages guest room right now with a full suitcase in his hand.

“I should probably get him out of these clothes now, what do you think?”

Fawkes cooed reassuringly and rubbed his head against his leg.

It was almost alarming how frail Gellert’s body seemed when he removed his clothes. Of course, there had already been a certain fragility, to begin with, after all, old age didn’t spare anyone, but with every layer of clothes, he shed it became evident that the massive blood loss had drained Gellert to an extent where even the blood replenishing potions he had given him could only do so much as to narrowly keep him in the land of the living. Bluish purple veins were clearly visible on Gellert’s arms and legs, barely protected by the thin and ghastly pale layer that was his skin. He felt cold to the touch, almost too cold and he felt tears form up in his eyes again and tried not to think of it as he put Gellert into his nightclothes and spread the blanket over him, while muttering a warming charm.

His hands began to shake, and he didn’t know how long he remained there, just staring at Gellert’s unmoving form, before Fawkes flew over to him and settled in his lap, chirping a quiet, but strangely reassuring melody and for the first time in days the weight on his chest seemed a little less heavy.

“Thank you, Fawkes.”, he said, absentmindedly stroking through the Phoenixes' feathers. Fawkes looked at him for a moment, before he fluttered over to Gellert, rubbing his head against his cheek as if waiting for a reaction, but of course, there came none. Albus let out a sad smile.

“You’ve done everything you can Fawkes. It will take time for him to recover.”

The Phoenix looked at him for a moment then repeated the motion, almost as if he hadn’t understood, but alone the fact that he hadn’t shed any tears since he healed Gellert’s wound, let Albus know that Fawkes was perfectly aware that he wouldn't be of help. Phoenix tears were powerful, they posed an antidote for most poisons and could heal deep wounds in a matter of seconds, but they couldn’t replace what wasn’t there, they couldn’t replace blood and thus even Fawkes was unable to bring Gellert back.

The next days went by in a blur. He stayed by Gellert’s side, feeding him with nourishment potions, changing his clothes, letting Fawkes watch over him while he went downstairs to join the others at lunch or dinner. He tried to distract himself, tried to fill his days with reading, with knitting new socks and scarfs and hats, albeit he was well aware that he had chosen the wrong season, for spring had already come and they wouldn’t need any of it, not until the next winter.

“If Gellert even makes it.”, said a nasty small voice inside his head and he tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t, for the more he tried the louder it seemed to get and soon he found that he couldn’t even knit a row without accidentally tying knots in it, nevertheless be concentrated enough to read something. So, he just sat there, observed the slight ups and downs of Gellert’s chest and waited, prayed, begged for him to wake. It was painful, but there was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t help Gellert now, he couldn’t save him, he could only be there and he would no matter how everything would end.

It was only after the first week that he dared to hope again. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but Gellert’s pulse seemed steadier, his breathing stronger, even if the change was barely noticeable. But it certainly hadn’t gotten worse. He knew that much.

It hadn’t gotten worse. He repeated this sentence like a mantra, while he got about his days, repeated it every waking second, for that meant it could get better, that meant that Gellert could in fact wake and recover.

When he returned from lunch on Tuesday afternoon, he instantly knew something was up. Fawkes was constantly rubbing his head against Gellert´s jaw and cheek, cooing almost excitedly. As soon as he saw him, he fluttered over to Albus landing on his shoulder, then fluttered over to Gellert again, then repeated the same motion over and over, as if wanting to lure him to get closer, as if wanting to show him something.

“Fawkes what are you…”, he started, but then he saw it too.

Gellert’s eyelids had begun to flutter.

He rushed over to the bed.

“Gellert, can you hear me?”, he whispered, his voice shaking slightly. “Gellert its Albus, I´m here.”

He grabbed Gellert’s hand. “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

He wasn’t even sure if Gellert was strong enough to do that yet, even if he was able to hear him, but then he felt a gentle tug at his hand barely noticeable, but still there.

He let out a small sob at that, his whole body shaking in relief and laid down on the bed beside Gellert, still clasping his hand, watching as his eyelids continued to flutter, feeling his pulse, slowly, but surely growing steadier.

It needed a while, but after half an hour Gellert finally opened his eyes.

“Albus…?”, his voice sounded hoarse from disuse.

“I´m here.”, he said and sat up, meeting Gellert’s mismatched eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”, Gellert murmured. “What…happened?”

Albus drew a shuddering breath. “You were injured back at Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix threw a knife as we disapparated and it…”

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling overcome by the images popping up in his mind. The knife protruding from Gellert’s chest. The redness on Gellert’s shirt. His inability to help.

“Albus…”

He clutched Gellert’s hand and forced himself to calm down. It was alright. Gellert was alright.

“It hit you right in the chest. You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Fawkes. The knife… it was poisoned, but Fawkes managed to save you.”

“Thank you, Fawkes.”, Gellert said weakly and looked at the phoenix who had settled on the window sill. Outside the fog had risen making it impossible to see anything but dense, all-encompassing whiteness.

“Where are we even?”

“At Shell Cottage, Bill and Fleur's home, Dobby took us there don’t you remember?”

Gellert shook his head. “The last thing I recall is that chandelier coming down, after that there is nothing.”

Albus squeezed his hand. “Doesn’t matter now. At least you are awake.”

And he couldn’t help that his voice wavered at these words, that it got hoarse and weak and that tears welled up in his eyes, as he recalled how he’d thought that Gellert might never wake up, that he might never get to tell him…

“Albus, what is it?”

“I need to apologize to you.”, he said quietly, but firmly, still clutching Gellert’s hand, desperately trying to keep the tears from spilling. “I’m afraid I treated you rather horribly.”

Gellert looked at him. “It was your right to distance yourself after what happened at Christmas. It hurt, certainly it hurt, but …

Albus shook his head. “I was talking about the vision you had. The one you told me about over and over again and I… just never took it seriously, said it were just dreams, when I should have analysed it with you, tried to understand it, tried to bring in a more objective point of view when you couldn’t. Maybe if I had done so we could have prevented not only your paranoia overtaking you, but also you getting gravely injured by Bellatrix, everything could have been different if I just…”

“Albus, don’t even start. None of this is your fault.”

He smiled weakly. “I knew you would say that.”

“And I mean it.”, Gellert looked at him. “You need to stop to take the blame for things you can’t control.”

“But I still could have…”

“Albus.”, Gellert interrupted him firmly. “Not even you can know or fix everything. My actions are my responsibility, not yours.”

“I know.”

“Good then there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Really, I wouldn’t…” Gellert coughed, his whole body shaking in the process. “I wouldn’t want that.”, he finished weakly.

“I know.”, Albus repeated gently, adjusting the covers around Gellert, making sure every inch of his body was covered in comfortable warmth. “You are still weak; you should rest for a bit. I’ll fetch you something to eat in the meantime.”

The fact that Gellert didn’t protest spoke volumes about the degree of his exhaustion. He only nodded, closing his eyes again, but never letting go of Albus’ hand. Soon enough, deep, even breaths told Albus that Gellert had fallen asleep.

Gellert slept through the whole afternoon, waking only when the sun began to set.

“You are reading Lockhart really?”, Gellert mumbled, voice heavy from sleep, eyeing the book in Albus' lap.

“Well, I wouldn’t say reading, I haven’t come very far.”

“Hmmm, that boring?”, Gellert asked his eyes slightly narrowed as if he knew exactly why Albus had been stuck on the same page the whole afternoon.

“One could say so. Do you want supper?”, he asked quickly changing the topic. “I´ve asked Fleur to make some noodle soup for you.”

“Alright.”, Gellert said. “I don’t know if I can stomach it though.”

“It can’t hurt to try some.”, Albus said squeezing his hand reassuringly. “I´ll go and fetch it for you.”

When he reached the guest room again, Gellert already looked at him expectantly, apparently having found the strength to sit up while he was away. He set the soup bowl on the small night table.

“Do you think you´ll be strong enough to eat alone?”

Gellert snorted. “Of course, I´ll be, I just need to hold a spoon after all, it didn’t weigh much last time I tried.”

“Yes, but you are still weakened.”

“Really there is no need to worry, I´ll manage.”, Gellert said and grabbed the spoon, while Albus conjured a tableau for the soup bowl and placed everything on the bed, so Gellert could get better access.

At first, everything seemed to go just fine, but after the first four sips, Gellert’s hand began to shake from exhaustion and the spoon fell to the floor.

Albus picked it up.

“You can give it to me again, like I said I can manage.”

“Gellert your hand is shaking.”

“Just give it five minutes, I´m sure it…”

“Gellert let me help you, please.”

But Gellert just shook his head. “I can manage.”, he repeated.

Albus looked at him. “It’s absolutely normal to need a bit of help at first.”, he said quietly. “You don’t need to pretend in front of me. It’s alright.”

Gellert sighed. “It´s embarrassing.”

Albus shook his head. “It’s only natural.”

He took Gellert’s hand in his, rubbing soothing circles into the trembling skin. “Let me help you. Please?”

“Alright.” Gellert’s response was barely audible, his gaze fixed on the covers.

Albus nodded and dipped the spoon in the soup bringing it up to Gellert’s mouth.

Gellert sighed but then swallowed without any further complaint.

He continued to spoon-feed him until half of the bowl was empty and Gellert was too exhausted to continue eating. Albus pulled the covers over him, then settled beside him on the bed.

“Can you hold me?”, Gellert asked quietly.

He hesitated. “You are still very weak; I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

“Right.”, Gellert said, his voice steady and unwavering, but Albus still saw the hurt in his gaze.

“Gellert I…”

„Albus, do you think you are still able to love me?” For the first time, Gellert’s tone sounded raw, vulnerability seeping into every syllable, an almost haunted look in his eyes. And suddenly Albus understood that he’d probably pondered on that question for weeks, in all the months since they had decided to take it slow, always hesitating to actually ask it, for the wrong answer would truly bring everything to an end.

And that was it.

Injured or not he couldn’t bear to be apart from Gellert any longer.

They could talk about everything else later, but at the moment, he only wanted Gellert to know that the answer to his question was and had always been a very simple “yes.”

He adjusted his position on the bed and got closer, very carefully, wrapping an arm around Gellert’s hip, shortly stopping at the sharp intake of breath Gellert emitted when his hand slipped under the hem of his nightshirt.

“Gellert…is this alright for you?”

“It is.”, Gellert whispered, his voice shaking with emotion and Albus nodded, shuffling closer until their bodies were pressed together, not even an inch separating them anymore.

They hadn’t held each other in weeks.

For a while they just remained like this, neither of them moving as if afraid that the tinniest motion could lead to an inevitable separation.

Neither of them spoke, but neither of them slept either, for even though they were closer than they had been in months, there still remained a certain tension between them, a tension that wouldn’t be resolved unless they spoke about what happened. And maybe now wasn’t exactly the best time to have such a talk, maybe it would have been more sensible to wait for Gellert to recover a bit more, but something in him didn’t want to put it off any longer, wanted to explain, wanted Gellert to understand, for the last days had shown that having time wasn’t something that one could take for granted.

“The reason why I took so much distance.”, he began. “The reason I barely looked at you for weeks had nothing to do with my feelings changing, but the opposite. You see the problem was that I have always loved you no matter what you did. I feared to be blinded you understand, to be made a fool of like in that summer, so I needed to get away for a time. I needed to get away in order to prove to myself that I still could. And surely you are asking yourself why it took me so long then? Why couldn’t we have had that talk after the first month or after the second or…”

“Because it would have been the equivalent of handing me a blank check.”, Gellert said quietly. “It would have meant to be at my mercy, utterly, completely, because I would have been free to do whatever I want, free to let myself lose control again, knowing it won’t affect your love for me.”

“Exactly.”, Albus responded, his gaze searching for Gellert’s. “Which means I’m at your mercy now.”

Gellert nodded slowly. “Are you scared of it?”

“Yes.”

“Then why now, why admit it?”

Albus looked at Gellert. “When I saw the knife protruding from your chest, I lost control of my magic. The possibility of not being with you, the possibility of losing you once and for all scared me so much that I couldn’t think anymore, I could only react. And then I realized that you must have felt similarly, which doesn’t justify the way you treated these muggles, but the point is it made me understand to some degree. It made me understand the extent of your fear and how deep-rooted it is, but also that it's merely that: a fear and not you. What I want to say is that I trust you and I believe that we can overcome this together, we can work on your control to ensure that it won’t happen again, maybe it will be a longer process, but I know we can make it, I believe in us and above all… He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “Above all I need you Gellert and I want to be with you every day for the rest of our lives.”

Gellert exhaled shakily, a single tear slipping down his cheek. “Albus…”, he said hoarsely. “I can’t guarantee that I won’t lose control like that ever again, but I promise you that I will do my utmost to prevent it, my utmost to be worthy of your love, but if it won’t function, if I were to discover that its rotten work, that there is something inside me that is beyond repair than I promise you I won’t put you through witnessing that. I’d rather leave you than to...”

“Gellert.”, Albus interrupted and there was a sharpness in his voice, he hadn’t intended to put there, but he couldn’t help it, for he would never let it come to that. He couldn’t let it come to that.

“We will work on it. Together. I will be by your side. We will discuss all your future visions in detail, we will do the utmost to make you feel like we are safe, we will talk about every single nightmare you have, I will brew you calming droughts if needed, I will hold you at night, be there for you as long and whenever you wish..." He hesitated. "That is if you’ll have me of course.”

 “Of course, I'll have you. I love you, Albus.”, Gellert whispered and buried his head in his chest and Albus acted like he didn’t notice the wetness on his face.

He pressed another kiss to Gellert’s forehead.

“Rest now, you need it.”

They agreed to remain at Shell Cottage until he was strong enough to travel again. The next days were quiet. Albus mostly sat by his bed, pretending to read, although he knew very well that the other was always watching him from the corner of his eye. He would have found this annoying if it wasn’t for the constant worry on Albus' face when he couldn’t muster the strength to eat or even to sit up. Albus only left his side to grab them something to eat or to go to the bathroom, although he had told him more than once that it was fine, that he didn’t need to spend every hour of his day in this stuffy guest room, that he could go and join the others downstairs. But of course, Albus never listened.

After a week his physical state began to irritate him. It unnerved him that Albus still had to spoon-feed him, help him undress, wash him, help him get to the bathroom. It wasn’t that Albus was bad at it. He was gentle, tender, so unbelievably caring, that it almost brought tears to his eyes sometimes. He patiently listened to his outbursts and his complaints about how he could very well eat alone now and always picked up his spoon, without comment, when it inevitably fell to the ground after he had tried to eat alone. He always made sure that he felt comfortable, bringing him anything he asked for, while he never once complained about having to take care of him. But still… he felt himself grow impatient, it had been a good while since he had woken now, shouldn’t he at least be able to eat or stand without needing help?

Maybe it was impatience, maybe it was frustration, maybe also the need to prove himself that he was still capable that made him try to get up on that certain Wednesday morning. Albus had just left to prepare them some tea, but by now he had been away longer than usual. He didn’t know why, maybe he’d encountered one of the others downstairs or failed to find enough sugar to comply with his need to make everything he ate or drank disgustingly sweet. But what he did know was that he needed to go to the bathroom, and he wouldn’t call Albus for that. The other definitely needed a break from spending his days at his bedside and aside from that Gellert would have found it humiliating to call him, just because he needed to pee.

The bathroom was only in the adjoining room after all.

He should be capable of getting there.

So, he got out of bed, slowly setting his feet on the plushie, navy-blue carpet. Then he pushed himself up.

The first steps were shaky, but he managed to hold his balance. He held on to the furniture for support, used the night table and the small desk to push himself forward. When he had finally reached the door, he rested for a bit, leaned on the doorknob, and tried to ignore the slight tremor in his legs. And maybe he would have made it, if there had been something to hold on to when he left the bedroom; that was aside from the wall, which didn’t give much support and was way too slippery and he felt his knees shake with the effort to keep himself upright and in the next moment, he landed on the floor with a soft thud.

“Gellert?”

He heard Albus' voice from downstairs.

Shit.

He tried to get back up again, begging his legs to support him, but of course, they just began to shake even harder and before he knew it, Albus was standing in front of him, two mugs of tea floating beside him, looking rather bewildered upon spotting him on the floor.

“Just pretend that you don’t see me, okay?”

“Gellert-“

“I´ll just uhm… rest here for a bit and then go to the bathroom, there is no need to worry. Enjoy your cup of tea.”

Albus regarded him with an unreadable expression on his face, then sighed and to his surprise sat down beside him.

The mugs followed his movement and slowly sank to the ground.

“What are you doing?”

Albus raised his eyebrows and picked the mugs up, holding one out to him.  “Enjoying my cup of tea? I made one for you too, if you want some.”

“Thank you.”, he muttered and took the cup from Albus hand. “You didn’t add any sugar to it did you?”

Albus shook his head. “Plain and boring just as you like it.”

Gellert snorted. “At least I won’t die from a sugar shock.”

“But maybe because you are a stubborn idiot.”, Albus responded and pointedly looked at Gellert’s still shaking legs. “Why haven’t you called me?”

“You know why.”

Albus gaze softened. “Yes, but it’s only been a week. It’s perfectly normal that you still need help with some things, you almost… I…almost lost you.”

A shadow crossed over Albus' face as he said that, and his voice shook slightly and suddenly Gellert felt the overwhelming urge to embrace him because he knew exactly how Albus felt and maybe he would have if his body wasn’t blatantly refusing to push himself up from the wall he was leaning against. So, in the end, he just grabbed Albus hand and squeezed it lightly.

“You haven’t lost me.”

“I know.”

His legs wouldn´t stop shaking. The tremors were only light by now, but he still felt exhausted and too weak to get up. So, he sat there waiting for Albus to give up and return to their room. Surely, he wouldn’t want to sit on this uncomfortable wooden floor forever. 5 minutes went by, then 10, 11, 12, 15, 20,25, Albus remained. He only got closer to him and carefully leaned his head on Gellert’s shoulder.

He knew that the other would never admit it, but sometimes Albus was just as stubborn as he.

“Can you help me stand again?”, he asked after a while looking at the wall opposite of them.

“Of course.”, Albus said and offered him his hand.

Gellert took it, slowly pushing himself up.

“Thank you. “

“No problem. Do you need help for the rest of the way as well?”

“I…I think I´ll manage to get to the bathroom alone, but maybe you could help me to get back to our room after?”

He was still not looking at Albus.

“Sure.”, Albus said gently. “I´ll wait here then.”

Gellert nodded. “I´d appreciate that.”

After another two weeks, Gellert was finally able to eat by himself and could go to the bathroom without needing his help. He still got exhausted after longer walks, but Albus figured that he was strong enough for apparition by now. They wouldn’t be the first ones to leave.

Luna, Dean and Ollivander had been transferred to live with Ron's aunt Muriel a week ago and the trio had also announced that they wanted to depart soon, together with Griphook and even though he had spent most of his time here watching over Gellert he knew they were planning something. It was blatantly obvious, and he knew he needed to talk to them about it before he and Gellert would depart this evening.

…

Albus had never been in the trio's room, but in the end, he didn't even need a minute to find it, for the trio was capable of many things, but not of being very orderly (apart from Hermione that was). Three pairs of dirty shoes stood by the entrance of their room, along with several dirty plates and cups that apparently still needed to be returned to the kitchen.

When he knocked Harry opened, still wearing his pyjamas even though it was late afternoon.

He chuckled at the sight. “May I come in? I need to talk to you three. “

“Of course, Professor.”, Harry said and gestured him inside. The inside of their bedroom was even more chaotic. Plates with rests of sandwiches and coffee cups stood on the desk, several pieces of parchment were sprawled on their respective nightstands, books lay scattered on the floor. Ron and Hermione sat on the bed in the midst of all the chaos. Albus was pleased to see that she looked much healthier now.

“Miss Granger I´m glad to see that you are better.”

“That’s also thanks to you Professor, after all, it was you and Mr. Grindelwald who got me out of there.” A shadow flickered over her face. “I´m sorry that he got injured in the process, that must have been a hard couple of weeks for you both.”

“Well, it wasn’t easy, but he is expected to make a full recovery.”, he said giving her a reassuring smile. “But that isn’t the topic I wanted to talk about. In fact, I wanted to address the plan you made with Griphook. You want to break into Gringotts don’t you?”

“Wait what…how….”, Harry spluttered out. “You knew the whole time?”

He chuckled. “Certainly not the whole time since I was quite distracted with taking care of Gellert, but one could say I suspected it for a while now. Why else would you spend so much time with Griphook?”

“Well maybe he´s just our friend?”, Ron remarked arms crossed.

“Oh, that could certainly be the case Mr. Weasley, but Bellatrix expressed an unnatural interest in the sword back at Malfoy Manor. She even seemed afraid when she asked Griphook if it was the real one, I´m sure Mrs. Granger has told you that much and I´m also sure that just like me you concluded that….”

“...that Voldemort has some of his most important possessions stored in the Lestrange vault.”, responded Hermione.

“Exactly, 10 points for Gryffindor Mrs Granger.”, he remarked and rummaged through his cloak in search of a lemon sherbet.

“Anyone else? No? Alright, that makes more for me.”, he said cheerfully and put the packing back into his pocket.

“So, I assume you want to know our plan?”, Harry asked, but Albus shook his head.

“No.”, he said, getting amused by the trio's baffled looks. “You see, I think you are perfectly capable, and I always enjoy a good show. I just came here to give you a backup...where have I… ah here it is.”

“Uhm that’s a feather.”, Ron said.

“That´s correct Mr. Weasley, a phoenix feather actually.”, he said calmly and let the feather float over to Harry.

Ron still looked at him as if he´d gone mad. “Are you sure he is alright?”, he whispered bending over to Hermione who just rolled her eyes. “Phoenix feathers are magical Ron and extremely hard to get since there needs to be a certain trust between the owner and the phoenix itself. They are usually used for wand cores or as a measure to call the phoenix to oneself.”

“Yeah, I get that you studied the whole textbook, but I don’t see, how that could help us.”

“Well, if you have the feather the phoenix will be able to appear wherever you are and will also be able to get you out of there.”

“Yeah, but what does that have…. oh…”, said Ron and suddenly turned bright red. “I´m sorry Professor, I didn’t know…”

Albus chuckled. “No need to worry Mr. Weasley, I’ll admit that it’s not very widespread knowledge. Although it helps to pick up a book sometimes, I heard it works wonders on your mind.”

If anything, Ron got even redder while Hermione beside him looked like she could barely suppress a laughing fit.

Harry seemed to be the only one who managed to remain serious. “Thank you, Professor. Not just for the feather, but also for everything else.”

“No problem, Harry.”, he responded, smiling at the boy, trying not to think about how he still had no idea of what needed to be done after the last Horcrux was found.

Gellert and Fawkes were already in the living room, bundled up on the sofa, waiting for him.

“Finally.”, Gellert mumbled as he strode into the room, the suitcase flying behind him. “I already considered to get up and search for you.”

“Well, I needed to settle something first.”

“I hope they appreciated the feather.”

“What… how do you…did you have a vision?”

Gellert shook his head. “I´m simply perceptive and besides you talk in your sleep.”

“And you snore.”

“Really?”

Albus chuckled. “Only sometimes, don’t worry about it.”

“Albus, are you ready? I can help to bring your luggage outside if you want.”, Bill peaked into the room, his hair slightly ruffled and mud on his shoes, indicating he had just come home from a walk.

“No, thank you, that won’t be necessary.”, Albus said and gestured to the suitcase flying in the air. “I can manage.”

“Alright.”, said Bill. “I wish you a good departure then.”

“Thank you.”, Albus responded. “And not just for that. I´m sure it wasn’t easy to host this many people all of a sudden.”

Bill smiled at him. “There is no need to thank me, it was just the right thing to do. Would do it again anytime.”

Albus nodded. “If you and Fleur ever need something don’t hesitate to reach out.”

The fog was rising as they got outside and when they reached the small pathway that marked the end of Bill and Fleur's protective wards, Shell Cottage was barely visible anymore. They were now standing halfway between the house and the beach and even though he couldn’t see the sea Albus still heard the waves crashing ashore and for a moment it felt like they were already home.

Home. It still felt surreal that something other than Hogwarts could be called that, but then it had felt so effortless with Gellert. They had moved into that house, more of a necessity, than out of actual willingness surely, but still… it had felt natural from the first second on. It had felt like he belonged and there had been an almost strange familiarity to it, like it had always been supposed to end like this, like he had finally reached his destination after decades of searching for one. He couldn’t explain it, but when he grabbed Gellert’s hand in order to disapparate he found himself thinking that maybe not everything needed to be defined and put into words, it was enough to feel it after all.

A few seconds later they landed in their living room. Gellert swayed a bit on his feet but seemed fine otherwise. Albus couldn’t help but feel relieved at that. Apparating wasn’t an easy task after bigger injuries, so Gellert having no major problem with it, was certainly a good sign.

“Oh, how I missed this.”, Gellert said and let himself sink onto the couch draping his favourite blanket over him. “I mean nothing against Shell Cottage, but the couch there was almost painfully uncomfortable.”

Albus chuckled. “You only sat there for fifteen minutes.”

“The longest 15 minutes of my life.”, Gellert said his voice muffled from the covers and pillows. “Want to join me?”

“Gladly.”, Albus said and enlarged the couch with a flicker of his wand so there was plenty of space for both of them. He carefully settled behind Gellert, pulling the other close, feeling the familiar warmth of his body, inhaling Gellert’s familiar scent. The Daily Prophet from three weeks ago was still lying on the coffee table, an unspoken reminder of how much time had passed since their fight at Malfoy Manor. An unspoken reminder of how he had almost lost the person that made him feel whole and alive and so utterly and unconditionally loved, he still couldn’t believe it sometimes. His grip around Gellert tightened and he pressed a soft kiss to his neck.

“Never do this to me again.”

“Getting struck by a knife and almost dying because of it?”

“Gellert.”

“Albus.”

“You know what I meant.”

“I do.”, Gellert said softly and turned, burying his head in Albus’ chest. “I still fear it every day. That I’ll lose you through one way or the other, that you’ll leave me, that I’ll be alone again. I managed once, but I can’t bear that a second time.”

“Me neither.”, Albus admitted quietly. “It would tear me apart.”

“Then promise me that it won’t come to that, that nothing will be strong enough to come between us.”

Many years ago, a younger, still blonde-haired version of Gellert had been sitting cross-legged in a certain barn, asking for that same promise. Albus had been young, he had been foolish, he had known nothing. He had given it without hesitating, too naïve to realize that such promises couldn’t be given, for one could never guarantee the outcome of anything, for some things couldn’t be prevented no matter how hard one tried.

He pressed a light kiss to the top of Gellert’s head. “I can’t.”, he said quietly. “But you already know that don’t you?”

Gellert’s gaze met his and for a moment, just for a moment, he thought he saw something flicker behind these mismatched eyes, for a moment it felt like Gellert’s 16-year-old version was still in there, like he never got separated from it on that one cruel August day. But like all things, moments tended to pass. They weren’t young and they would never be again.

Gellert was still looking at him. “Of course I know.”

After two hours Gellert was fast asleep, and Albus figured it would be a good time to unpack their luggage now.

Their suitcase was a mess; dirty robes, pants and cloaks were mixing with freshly washed ones and most of it had crumbled into a chaotic heap. He’d been so caught up with nursing Gellert and worrying about his health, that he simply hadn’t cared about organising the clothes properly. He hadn’t even really paid attention to what he packed to begin with, for when he’d returned to their house all alone, with Gellert still in a critical condition he had only cared about getting back to Shell Cottage as quickly as possible.

But all in all, it was nothing that couldn’t be sorted out with a few quick spells.

Once he had reached their bedroom, he manoeuvred the suitcase onto their bed and pointed his wand at the clothes stored inside. Cloaks, pants, socks, pullovers, shirts, and underwear rose up and floated through their bedroom, enveloping everything from their bed to their nightstand, to the windowsill. ¾ quarters of them weren’t even worn. He had really forgotten how much he had packed back then.

Albus sighed and got to work dividing the clothes into several piles. One for everything that was dirty, and several smaller ones sorted after category. It was quite a tedious and boring work, but after that, everything became easier. A flicker of his wand and all the socks were folded and settled into their respective drawers. Another flicker and the shirt and pants did the same. It was only when he wanted to sort the cloaks that he noticed something strange. Something wasn’t right with an older navy-blue coat of Gellert. It was barely noticeable, but now that it was floating directly in front of him, his magic seemed to respond to it. It seemed to draw him in, and he frowned because he knew that feeling. Even after their blood pact had broken, he had still been able to feel a faint connection to it. The same connection that he felt now, although he couldn’t explain why Gellert had felt the need to hide the remains of their pact in one of his cloaks. Why hadn’t he just left it in the box?

He called the cloak to him with a swift movement of his wand and reached into the pocket, his fingers closing over something cold and metallic. But when he opened his fist the remains of their blood pact were nowhere to be seen. Instead, there lay two rings in his palm.

The silver glittered in the afternoon sun, and he spotted an engraving on the inside, down with such finesse and elegance, that it was almost subtle, but then it was not, for when he took a closer look the engraved phoenixes began to move across the metal, little flames shooting around them when they finally reached each other. And he stared at the rings in his palm, stared at them for what felt like hours as if he needed to ensure himself that his eyes weren’t playing any tricks on him.

Phoenix duos were seen as an emblem of a deep, unbreakable connection. They represented the overcoming of darkness and struggles, they were a symbol for the birth of light and sometimes, albeit not often in recent culture, a display of two phoenixes was extended as a wedding gift, apparently ensuring marital bliss.

There remained no doubt what Gellert had intended these rings to be.

He felt tears gather in his eyes.

Something in him still couldn’t believe it. In some way, it still seemed surreal there could in fact be a happy end for them both.

Chapter Text

The next week went by peacefully. Gellert and him spend most of their time together. Their days were quiet, uneventful and yet the happiest in a long time. They talked, they read and every morning, like clockwork Gellert made a complaint about the way too sugary smell of his oatmeal. They didn’t address the inevitable, they didn’t talk of the future. They both knew that it was pointless. The trio would break into Gringotts and destroy one of the last Horcruxes. That wouldn’t go undetected, no raid there had ever remained unnoticed for long. Voldemort would find out that they knew about the Horcruxes, thus he would inspect every single one of the Horcrux hideouts which was utterly foolish since it would lead them directly to the last one. Then the last battle would begin, and Harry would finally learn the truth.

He noticed that Gellert slowly regained his full strength. He didn’t need help to get up anymore, his steps seemed steadier, his focus sharper. On the fourth day, he managed to go upstairs without needing his help. On the fifth day, they got on their first walk together. Gellert was a bit exhausted afterwards, but otherwise, nothing reminded him of the fact, that he had been on the brink of death only about a month ago.

As they were lying in bed that night, his head resting on Gellert’s chest he found that he wished they could stay like this forever, hidden away under a protective bubble of safety charms, never to be found again.

“Sometimes I hate how much time we wasted just because we needed to think of the bigger picture instead of following our heart's desire.”

Gellert pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Me too.”, he said quietly. “And sometimes I’m afraid this war will never end, and I will still lose you due to it.”

“You won’t.”, Albus said and for the first time, he was truly sure of it. “We will fight, we will win and then we’ll finally get the peace we deserve.”

“I thought foreseeing the future was my job.”, Gellert said looking at him with an amused expression. “I don’t mind you doing it though, your predictions sound great.”

“Do they?”

“They do.”

“I want this to remain our house when this is all over.” He didn’t know when he had decided this, but it felt right to admit it now while being bundled up in bed with Gellert, feeling safe and comfortable and above all loved, so loved that he thought his heart might burst from it, for it had never been used to the sensation after all.

Gellert looked at him, baffled. “You don’t want to return to Hogwarts?”

“You misunderstand me. Of course, I do. But I meant I don’t want to use this here not just as a summerhouse, like originally intended. I want to spend the weekends here, Christmas, our birthdays, I want us to return here when we feel like we need some privacy, I want something that is entirely ours, a place only you and I have access to.”

“That is a great idea.”, Gellert said softly, his eyes shimmering with emotion and this moment Albus just couldn’t hold it in any longer, for his chest seemed to overflow with love and warmth, so much warmth and he propped himself up and kissed Gellert gently, but deeply. And he hadn’t realized how much he had needed this until their mouths collided and Gellert’s hands got tangled in his hair. They hadn’t kissed properly in months or been as close as they were now, their bodies practically merging, Gellert’s hand wandering slowly, but surely down under his robes, stopping at the hem of his pants, like he’d had done so often in their youth, just before they had…

And suddenly he pulled back startled by the implication, for they had kissed, surely, they had even bathed together that one time, but then that had been different, for that had been intimate, yes but back then in the bath, it had all just been about comfort and he had been so exhausted and worn out that he hadn’t even considered, hadn’t even entertained the thought that Gellert could ever desire more than his mind and companionship. He’d refrained from initiating anything that did go beyond kissing, even talking about it, for it had been clear to him that with how his aged body, with how he looked, Gellert would never, could never… and it wasn’t that he himself wouldn’t have wanted to, but then they were both old and it wasn’t that he was as desperate about it like in their youth and he’d been happy with their arrangement how it had been and Gellert had refrained from speaking about it as well or initiating anything and he had just assumed that this was how he wanted it and he had been fine with that, really he had understood that Gellert wouldn’t…

“Albus, what is it?”

“Nothing… I just thought…”, and suddenly he felt entirely stupid, for he had surely interpreted too much in that gesture, surely, he had been mistaken.

“You thought?”, asked Gellert.

“Never mind I think I just misjudged something.”

“Misjudged what?”

And Albus averted his gaze, his cheeks burning hot with shame, for why couldn’t Gellert just let it slide, why couldn’t he just…

“Albus…?”

“Do we need to address this now?”

“Yes.”, Gellert said. “I need to know how you feel about this.”

“Feel about what?”, Albus asked still refusing to meet Gellert’s gaze, although he could feel the other observing his every movement.

For a while, Gellert seemed almost reluctant to say something, which was quite uncharacteristic for him, for he’d never been one to struggle with finding the right words.

“Albus…, do you find it in you to want me, that is want me in every way there is?”

Gellert never broke his gaze as he said this, looking at him without shame and yet there lay a certain vulnerability in his voice, a certain fragility he’d never thought Gellert could possess.

And suddenly he understood that Gellert, held the same doubts as he.

“Gellert.”, he said quietly, but firmly. “I never wanted less than all of you.”

For a moment, Gellert just looked at him wide-eyed, disbelieving and just when Albus thought he’d said something wrong, he got kissed so fiercely, so passionately, that it would have swept him off his feet if he hadn’t already been laying on their bed.

“Are you sure?”, Gellert mumbled against his lips. “Are you really sure?”

“I am.”, he whispered. “But I warn you I haven’t done this in years, and I don’t know if you’ll like what you…”

“Albus.”, said Gellert and cupped his face, his voice ever so gentle and understanding. “It’s alright. We are going to go slow and if you change your mind at some point just say it, I won’t be offended.”

Albus nodded. “The same applies to you.”

“I know.”, Gellert said quietly and then he kissed him again, ever so gently, while his hands wandered under his robes again, slowly undoing them, slowly showing layers of aged, wrinkled skin.

And for a moment Albus wanted to hide his face, wanted to look anywhere, but at Gellert, for even though the other had already seen his aged body, he’d never felt so exposed, so vulnerable. But then Gellert was looking at him with a gaze so full of softness and admiration, so full of love and fondness as if his body was something holy, something to be worshipped and for a second, just a second, he could have wept, for he’d never thought that Gellert would or even could admire him like this.

And then Gellert’s hands were wandering down caressing every inch of his skin, as if he’d wanted to make up for the lost time, as if he wanted to memorize every inch of his body and never let go of him again. His hands stopped at the hem of his pants, giving him a questioning gaze, as if he wanted to confirm, that he was still sure, that he still wanted this, wanted him.

“It’s alright, you can go on.”, he said his voice shaking with emotion and Gellert nodded, kissing him one last time before he slowly helped him out of his pants. Then he shed his clothing as well until they both lay bare, skin against skin.

“I’m going to be careful.”, Gellert said. “Just tell me if I cause you any discomfort.”

And Albus nodded and then Gellert was preparing him, ever so gentle and caring, whispering words of reassurance as he slowly helped him to relax, helped him to accustomate to the feeling again before he aligned himself and then finally their bodies became one. And he couldn’t believe how slow and gentle Gellert was, how he was never setting his eyes off of  him, watching intently for any sign of pain or discomfort, his gaze so full of warmth and love, caressing his face and then he felt a slight tugging at his mind, an unspoken question to be let it in. They had done this quite often when they’d been younger, had joined minds while being intimate and when he lowered his Occlumency shields now and their minds mingled, he couldn’t stop the tears that wetted his face, for surely he’d known that Gellert loved him, for he had shown it time and time again since their reunion, but to feel the extent of it was a whole other thing, for Gellert’s mind was filled with such warmth, with such tenderness, all directed at him, ever only him and in this moment his last doubts, his last self-conscious thoughts about what he meant to Gellert dissolved into nothingness.

“You can’t tell me you are surprised by this?”, Gellert spoke into his mind with a soft chuckle, but as Albus looked at him, his eyes were full of tears as well.

“I love you Albus and that won’t ever change.”

“I love you too Gellert.”, he whispered and then Gellert kissed him again, his trusts becoming faster now, and a pleasurable haze enveloped both their minds and bodies, mixing with sensations of love and warmth and safety and then his pleasure spiked and Gellert finished off soon after, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

On the sixth day, they got the notice that the trio had broken into Gringotts, giving themselves access to the Lestrange vault. A few hours later they got the message they had been waiting for, scribbled on an inconspicuous piece of old parchment.

“The last one is at Hogwarts. He knows.”

“I will come with you.”, Gellert’s voice was calm as he said that, as if he had made that decision long ago.

“I can’t allow that; you have only just recovered. I can’t bear to know you in danger again.”

Gellert looked at him. “And that’s exactly the point.”, he said firmly. “For I can’t know you in danger either. I can’t just sit here and wait for you, while you risk your life. It would be pure torture for me, and you know that.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “We really are two of a kind, aren’t we?”

Albus' hands closed around his wrists. “You won’t lose me.”

Gellert nodded and rested his forehead against Albus’. For a while they remained like this, observing the other's heaving chest, feeling little puffs of air touch their cheeks with every exhale, trying not to think of how this was a testimony of the other's vitality, for vitality wasn’t and could never be endless, instead it was a fluctuating, unreliable thing that could leave one at any moment. And yet, even though Gellert knew all this, he pressed his lips on Albus’ ever so lightly, repeating a statement both of them weren’t sure they could fulfil “You won’t lose me either.”

Getting access to Hogwarts was easy. At least if one was Albus Dumbledore. The castle had never rejected him, and it was no different this time. He and Gellert landed safely in his old bedroom. It still looked the same. As if it had been waiting for them this whole time. Snape hadn’t redecorated the only indication that the new headmaster even used this room were several vials of peculiar-looking potions on the desk and a black cloak that was draped over the chair beside the window. Apart from that, nothing had changed.

“Ah come on I was sure he would at least attempt to throw these out.”, Gellert remarked and gestured to his collection of glittering knitting needles that still lay on a small side table, perfectly unharmed. “Does this guy even live here?”

“I do, but as you surely know I had greater concerns than the furnishing of a bedroom.”, a voice from outside the door said and in the next second it swung open, revealing Severus Snape, arms crossed and dressed in black as always.

“I awaited you earlier. Potter and his friends already gathered in the Great Hall.”

“What about the Carrows?”, asked Gellert.

“They were knocked out when Potter and his friends visited the Ravenclaw Tower.”

“Oh, what a pity, I would have loved to do the honours myself.”, Albus said and for a moment he looked a tad regretful. “Well, I think it´s time to join them then.”

“And to clear my name.”, Snape remarked.

“I haven’t forgotten about you Severus and I must say I’ve come to appreciate your efforts, being hated by Minerva isn’t an easy task at all.”, Albus said his eyes twinkling.

Gellert could barely suppress a snort while Snape just looked annoyed or as always. He wasn’t exactly sure if there was even a difference.

The enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall was dark and scattered with stars, and below it, the four long House tables were lined with dishevelled students, some in travelling cloaks, others in dressing gowns. Here and there shone the pearly white figures of the school ghosts. Every eye, living and dead, was fixed upon Professor McGonagall, who was speaking from the raised platform at the top of the Hall.
“—evacuation will be overseen by Mr. Filch and Madam Pomfrey. Prefects, when I give the word, you will organize your House and take your charges, in an orderly fashion, to the evacuation point.”

She grew quiet when they entered. They must have made a quite peculiar picture with Albus in their middle, dressed in twinkling gold and blue robes, while he and Snape both wore black. One could have thought that Albus had suddenly hired some bodyguards and made a terrible selection as well since Snape had supposedly tried to kill him not even a year ago. Others seemed to jump to that conclusion too. Members of the Order raised their wands when they saw Snape walking by Albus side and Harry stared at them in disbelief, confusion written all over his face like he was trying to solve an especially difficult puzzle. With no one besides him and Albus knowing of Snape's role as a double agent it surely must have looked like Albus had finally lost it.

After what felt like an eternity of whispers and glances, they finally reached the platform at the top of the Hall. Mc Gonagall stepped aside without question and when Albus took over and Gellert saw him stand there again, after a year of hiding he felt a surge of pride dwell up in him. They were here, despite everything and they wouldn’t give Hogwarts up again.

“There is no need to raise your wands. Severus Snape is a double agent.”

With that the Great Hall fell into chaos, people from all houses shouting questions, but loudest was the voice from Mc Gonagall drowning out all the others as she said. “But Albus he tried to kill you.”

Albus turned to her, his eyes twinkling mysteriously, a small, amused smile on his face and Gellert couldn’t help but think that it was so Albus to enjoy a situation like this.

 “And that was precisely the plan.”

Gellert refrained from pointing out that Snape just “trying” hadn’t been precisely the plan since the original one was supposed to result in Albus' death and would have if he hadn’t inferred and saved Albus from letting his foolish suicide mission become reality. But that would remain between him and Albus and Snape. The latter wouldn’t say anything since he surely wasn’t keen on endangering his reputation even further and he would keep quiet too.

Sometimes people didn’t need to know everything.

It took a bit until everyone had understood what happened on the tower that night and some still looked sceptical as Snape joined their ranks, but all in all, they seemed to believe Albus.

“So now that we have that settled this, we can move on to the evacuation plan; like Professor Mc Gonagall said your prefects will guide you out of the castle and get you to a…”

A brown-haired boy stood up at the Hufflepuff table and shouted. “And what if we want to stay and fight?”

There was a smattering of applause.

“If you are of age, you may stay,” said Albus and Gellert saw a hardness in his features that he´d rarely ever seen before. It would come to a fight, but not yet and not as they thought. Voldemort would make the demand to hand Harry over. One didn’t need to be a genius to see that, it was the easiest solution. If it worked, he would have spared himself a fight and if it didn’t well then Voldemort could always refer to the fact that he had wanted to solve all this peacefully. He knew how such things functioned. Maybe even better than anyone else in this room.

And they would hand Harry over when the time came. But no one knew that yet.

Not even the boy himself.

The real fight would only begin after the last Horkrux had been destroyed.

“We have already placed protection around the castle,” McGonagall added, “but it is unlikely to hold for very long unless we reinforce it. I must ask you, therefore, to move quickly and calmly, and do as your prefects — ”

But her final words were drowned as a voice echoed throughout the Hall. It was high, cold, and clean. There was no telling from where it came; it seemed to issue from the walls themselves.

“I know you are preparing to fight.” There were screams amongst the students, some of whom clutched each other, looking around in terror for the source of the sound. “Your efforts are

futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood.”

“Give me Harry Potter,” said Voldemort’s voice, “and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you should be rewarded. You have until midnight.”

The silence swallowed them all again. Every head turned and every eye in the place seemed to have found Harry, to hold him frozen in the glare of thousands of invisible beams. Then a figure rose

from the Slytherin table and Gellert saw how a black-haired girl raised a shaking arm and screamed, “But he’s there! Potters there! Someone grab him!”

But before anyone could say anything, there was a massive movement. The Gryffindors had risen and stood facing, not Harry, but the Slytherins. Then the Hufflepuffs stood, and almost at the same moment, the Ravenclaws, all of them, with their backs to Harry, all of them looking toward the Slytherin table instead, and Gellert saw wands emerging everywhere, pulled from beneath cloaks and under sleeves.

“Thank you, Miss Parkinson,” said McGonagall in a clipped voice. “You will leave the Hall first with Mr. Filch. If the rest of your House could follow.”

“Ravenclaws, follow on!” cried Flitwick.

Slowly the four tables emptied. The Slytherin table was completely deserted, but several older Ravenclaws remained seated while their fellows filed out; even more Hufflepuffs stayed behind, and half of Gryffindor remained in their seats, necessitating Albus' and McGonagall’s descent from the teachers’ platform to chivvy the underage on their way.

“Absolutely not, Creevey, go! And you, Peakes!”

Then finally the Gryffindor table was cleared and Albus resumed his place on the platform again.

“Kingsley just informed me that the Order already made a battle plan together with the teachers, so I’ll leave you in his efficient hands since I need to have a word with Mr. Potter.”

Mildly curious murmurs sounded throughout the hall, and the students looks shot between Albus and Harry.

But before anyone could pose questions Kingsley had stepped forward.

“Alright, you have heard him. We’ve only got half an hour until midnight, so we need to act fast! Professors Flitwick, Sprout, and McGonagall are going to take groups of fighters up to the three highest towers…”

Gellert observed how groups of fighters assembled, leaving the hall, unknowing that this battle would be much different than they expected. His gaze searched for Albus’ and together they descended from the platform, approaching Harry who seemed rather impatient.

“Professor, is it really important? I need to search for the Horcrux, I know that it’s something from Ravenclaw and it´s in this castle, but I haven´t found…”

Albus looked at him. “Gellert could you…?”

“Of course.”

“Be careful please.”, Albus added, and worry flickered in his gaze.

“Of course.”, Gellert repeated and pressed a kiss to Albus´ cheek, not caring that Harry beside them blushed feverously.

Albus nodded. “Good luck.”

Gellert’s gaze swept to Harry. “To you too.”

Harry and he headed to his office without even thinking.

 As soon as they had left the stuffy Great Hall, they took the stairs to their right, passing running students and ghosts, avoiding trick steps without saying a word, both already knowing where this talk would take place.

 Their last talk, but the boy beside him didn’t know it yet.

For even if Harry were to survive Albus was quite sure that the boy would never talk to him again. He would lose him tonight, no matter how it ended.

He didn’t want to be the one to tell Harry. He wished it wouldn’t be necessary. He wished for some miracle to happen while the moving staircases brought them higher and higher, for some easy way out, a solution that wouldn’t require the boy’s death, but of course, there was none.

It needed to be this way and he hated himself for it.

He hated himself when they finally reached his office and Harry sat down in the chair in front of his desk, like so many times before, looking up at him expectantly, a curious expression on his face.

“What is it, Professor?”

He looked calm, so unsuspecting, so… innocent.

He turned to the window because he couldn’t bear to look into these green eyes fixed on him.

Harry thought he knew everything.

Harry trusted him.

“Professor, is everything alright?”

He turned and forced himself to muster a small smile. “Perfectly fine.”

Harry frowned. “So why are we here then?”

He didn’t know how to say it.

He had thought about it.

Many times.

But there was no right way to tell someone that he had to die.

He should just get on with it. He knew that.

„In the night when Voldemort tried to kill you, your mother gave her life to protect you. Because of that the killing curse rebounded upon Voldemort.”

“I already knew that professor.”

He swallowed heavily.

“Yes, but you don’t know everything. In the moment the killing curse hit Voldemort a fragment of his soul was blasted apart from the whole and latched itself onto the only living thing left in that collapsed building. You.”

Harry stared at him wide-eyed. “You mean…a piece of Voldemort`s soul is attached to mine?”

“Yes.”, he said quietly. “Have you ever asked yourself why you can speak with snakes or why your and Voldemort`s mind seems to be connected? That is because a part of him lives inside you, it will remain attached to you and Voldemort will live on except…”

“Except if I die.”, Harry's voice was surprisingly calm.

Albus nodded. “Exactly and Voldemort himself must do it. That is important.”

“Why?”

“If my assumptions are correct…”, Albus began carefully. “You may have a slim chance to survive. In his vanity and thoughtlessness, Voldemort has done the one thing which fortified the bond between you, which inevitably tied your life to his.”

“He has drawn blood from me.”

“Yes.”

“I`ll need to go out there and surrender myself to him.”

“Yes.”

Harry looked at him again, his gaze sharp. “How long have you known that it would need to end like this?”

Shame and guilt crept up in him and he averted his gaze again, unable to meet Harry's gaze any longer.

“I…suspected it right from the beginning, but it was just another assumption of mine. I hoped to be wrong, I really did.”, Albus said a pained grimace on his face.

“And what made you certain?”

“The proof that Lord Voldemort had in fact made horcruxes, in other words, the destroyed diary and the fact you could master Parseltongue.”

“So, you`ve known since my second school year.”

“Yes.”, he said and felt a tear run down his cheek.

“I trusted you.”

“I know. I… can understand if you despise me now.”

But to his surprise, Harry shook his head. “No.”, the boy said quietly. “I don’t despise you. I would have if you were the version of you, I always had in mind. Wise, gentle, humorous, always in control, always knowledgeable of what to do and how to solve things… but you never were that man, weren’t you? Maybe partly yes, but never entirely, your true self remained hidden. I can’t despise you when I never knew you at all. And that is true for everyone isn’t it? You don’t trust people. You never did.”

“It…it isn’t true for everyone.”, Albus said, another tear running down his face. “And I trust you, Harry. I really do.”

Harry gave him a sad smile. “I didn’t mean Gellert.”, he said. “Gellert was present through all of it, he has always known you. I didn’t even get the chance.”

“I’m sorry Harry.”

“I know, but that isn’t enough.”, Harry said and rose from his chair. “You see it's not your fault that I need to die. I don’t blame you for coming to that conclusion, but I blame you for giving me hope. For letting me think that I could win this, for letting me think I have the chance to live a normal life after everything is over.”

“Harry…”, he started weakly, but the boy cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I trusted you.”, he said, his entire body shaking with anger and hurt and Albus wanted to reach out and steady him, but at the same time, he feared that the boy would simply back away from him, signalising that he had and never would be worthy of his trust. And he knew that, of course, he knew that, but still it would hurt to actually see it and once again he was too much of a coward to face the consequences of what he had done. So, he remained where he was.

“Harry.”, he spoke quietly, but earnestly. “Please let me…”

“Let you what? Tell me more lies? Are there any other things you have kept hidden? Any other secrets?”

“Harry…”, he tried, but at that moment, it dawned on him that he didn’t even know what to say. The boy was right, everything he said was right.

“I’m sorry.”, he repeated, even though he was well aware that that would never be enough. “I’m so sorry.”

“You not only gave me hope.”, Harry choked out. “But Ron and Hermione too, Fred and George, Mrs. Weasley everyone I know…and Ginny…” For the first time, there were tears in his eyes. “If you had just told me, if I’d known for certain I would have never let them care about me this much, I would have…”

“Harry, believe me, secluding yourself wouldn’t have been the solution, in fact, I think it would have been a great tragedy if you had gone through your years at Hogwarts afraid to care, afraid to let someone near since that is our most beautiful trait of all – the ability to love.”

The boy looked at him for a moment his arms still shaking with rage and then before he knew it a curse flew in his direction, blowing up the desk behind him.

“BUT THEN THAT WAS ALL YOU DID.”, Harry yelled as more curses shot from his wand targeting the bookshelves behind him, the fragile instruments on their little tables, the window, the wall, him.

He didn’t find enough strength to defend himself as the first curse hit him and knocked his wand out of his hand, he didn’t flinch as the second narrowly missed him, but still succeeded in burning a hole in his robes. He deserved it.

“YOU SECLUDED YOURSELF, YOU HID IN YOUR TOWER EVERY SECOND OF THE SIX YEARS I SPENT HERE YOU LEFT ME ALONE TO FIGHT AGAINST BASILISKS AND DEMENTORS AND WHAT NOT, I WAS MERELY A CHESS PIECE FOR YOU… SOMETHING TO SACRIFICE WHEN THE MOMENT WAS RIGHT…YOU…you never…”

Harry was sobbing now, his wand still raised, pointing at him. “Admit it you never cared about me.”

He approached the boy, cautiously, slowly, and then he finally grasped the boy’s shaking wrist and gently brought it to a halt. “Harry, I did care about you. I cared about you ever since you first came to Hogwarts as a young boy who had already experienced more pain than he should have but still found it in him to be admiringly brave and kind-hearted, who still found it in him to look out for those who are weaker, who still found it in him to speak up when something was unjust. There was a great burden on your shoulders, and you were way too young to carry it, but you still did without complaining once. If I hadn’t cared I would have just told you, I would have added to it, I would have done what’s best for the plan without thinking twice. But then I did care, even more than I’d ever admit and how could I tell you then, how could I tell a mere seventeen-year-old that he had to die, when I myself had white hair and wrinkles, how could I tell a mere seventeen-year-old that he would never get the chance to live?”

“It would have been the right thing.”, Harry said quietly.

“Of course, it would have been, but then doing the right thing is often significantly harder than doing the wrong one.”

Harry regarded him and for a moment it looked like he wanted to respond, but then Voldemort’s voice returned, high, cold and clear, drowning out everything else.

“Half of your time is up. I knew you were going to evacuate, but that didn’t work like you planned. I have innocents in my grasp, innocents that will die if you don’t give me what I want. You know my request and I`ll add another one. Albus Dumbledore, you have something that I searched for a long time. Give it to me or you will have blood on your hands.”

The Elderwand.

He wasn’t shocked.

Not even surprised.

He had suspected it, after all, suspected that Voldemort was after the Elderwand and would sooner or later attempt to get it. It looked like that time had come after all and he was ready. He had always been ready for it.

He looked at Harry and then at the wand which was lying on the floor next to his desk.

“You disarmed me.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Professor what are we going to do now?”, Harry asked.

For the first time, he felt a small smile spread on his face.

“Oh, we are going to give him what he wants.”

Gellert had never run so fast in his life. Or at least not since the injury or since he escaped Nurmengard, surely he had once or twice when he had been a young boy, but he didn’t ponder on that now, just concentrated on running, the broken diadem clutched in his left hand while the corridors flew by, seemingly endless rows of statues, rooms, doors, portraits and he did not slow until he reached the stone gargoyle guarding the headmaster's office.

“Password?”

“Dumbledore.”, he said without thinking, because it was Albus whom he yearned to see and to his surprise, the gargoyle slid aside revealing the spiral staircase behind.

The office door flew open before he even reached it and then he stopped in his tracks because that wasn’t the office he knew. The desk was split in half, books and remains of fragile instruments lay scattered on the floor and in the midst of all stood the boy and Albus, Albus who had a hole in his robe and whose wand lay on the floor. It didn’t take a genius to guess what happened.

He looked at the boy again and felt anger rise in him, for it was evident that Albus had been attacked by him and hadn’t even defended himself.

“How dare you to attack him after everything he…”, he started, but Albus cut him off. “Please Gellert.”, he said, and he looked so exhausted that he didn’t have the heart to scold the boy, although he would have very much deserved it. Instead, he approached Albus and pointed his wand at the hole in his sleeve. “Reparo”, he murmured and watched as the fabric knitted itself back together.

“Thank you.”, Albus said, and he could have sworn that the boy averted his eyes in shame. So, he did regret the attack after all.

“You want to hand him the wand, don’t you?”, he asked.

Albus looked at him. “It wouldn’t be his. Harry is his real master now and will remain it, for you can’t defeat someone whose plan is to be defeated.”

“I’m not here to stop you.”

Realization dawned on Albus' face. “There is no need for both of us to go there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Albus, you don’t even have a wand right now.”

“I do.”, Albus said and pulled his sleeve back to reveal his old wand hidden there. “And I appreciate your concern, but there is no reason to be worried.”

Gellert snorted. “Since there is nothing to worry about, I can go with you without a problem.”

“You’ve just been injured.”

“I recovered.”

“It still hasn’t been long.”

“You would stand alone against, all his followers and Voldemort himself. Do you really think they`d let you go just like that?”

“No, and that’s precisely the reason why I don’t want you to come with us.”

“No, that`s precisely the reason why I should come with you.”

“I can defend myself.”

“Oh yes sure you’ll just easily defeat a whole armee, with a wand you aren`t accustomed to anymore while saving all the students he holds hostage.”

“Gellert.”

“Albus.”

“Gellert is right.”

They both turned to Harry. Gellert had even forgotten he was there at all.

“You have a bigger chance if you both are there. That’s all I’m saying.”

Gellert grinned. “Looks like you were outvoted, Albus.”

Albus sighed. “Alright, if you insist. It’s probably better anyway, this way I don’t need to ensure that you aren’t following us in secret.”

“What? I would have never.”

“No, doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“Exactly.”, Gellert said and held his hand out for Albus to take. “Shall we then?“

 Neither of them said anything as they marched through the castle. Harry under his invisibility cloak, he and Gellert concealed with a disillusionment charm. The corridors were empty. The whole castle was eerily quiet. An unbroken tension lay in the air as if Hogwarts was holding its breath as if the castle knew what was to come.

They descended down the floors at last walking down the marble staircase into the entrance hall.

No one noticed them. They left Hogwarts without any difficulties

They moved on, now reached the edge of the forest, and stopped. A swarm of dementors was gliding amongst the trees; he could feel their chill, and Gellert slightly squeezed his hand, as he drew his wand. Alone the feeling of Gellert’s hand in his gave him all the strength he needed. A powerful phoenix broke out of his wand, soon joined by a second, identical one.

The dementors withdrew and they emerged into the forest.

They marched through the old trees that grew closely together, their branches tangled, their roots

gnarled and twisted underfoot. He held Gellert’s hand tightly as they travelled through the darkness, going deeper and deeper into the forest, with no idea where exactly Voldemort was, but sure that they would find him. He heard Harry’s footsteps beside him, the leaves crunching under his boots, and he felt pained at the thought, that the boy was walking to his own execution. He wanted to say something, do something, anything to make it better, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because there was nothing. He couldn’t change the boy’s fate. Somehow, he had never felt so powerless, so utterly, utterly useless.

A thud and a whisper.

Some other living creature had stirred close by and they all stopped, listening into the silence.

“Someone is there,” came a rough whisper close at hand. “He’s invisible. Could it be — ?”

Two figures emerged from behind a nearby tree; Their wands flared and Albus saw Yaxley and Dolohov peering into the darkness, directly at the place Harry, Gellert and he stood.

“Definitely heard something,” said Yaxley. “Animal, d’you reckon?”

“That head case Hagrid kept a whole bunch of stuff in here,” said Dolohov, glancing over his shoulder.

Yaxley looked down at his watch.

“Time’s nearly up. They had their hour. They are not coming.”

“And he was sure they’d come! He won’t be happy.”

“Better go back,” said Yaxley, “Find out what the plan is now.”

He and Dolohov turned and walked deeper into the forest.

They followed them, knowing that they would lead them exactly, where they wanted to go.

“Gellert.”, he whispered. “Please stay invisible.”

He knew that Gellert didn’t like the idea of him being protected, while Albus wasn’t, but he knew he couldn’t oppose either. It was undoubtedly an advantage for them, an element of surprise should it come to a fight.

Gellert couldn’t deny that, and he was aware that the other reached the same conclusion when a featherlight kiss was pressed to his hand.

“Please be careful.”

It was the last thing they said to each other before they finally saw light ahead, and Yaxley and Dolohov stepped out into a clearing. A fire burned in the middle, and its flickering light fell over a crowd of completely silent, watchful Death Eaters.

Some of them were still masked and hooded; others showed their faces. Two giants sat on the outskirts of the group, casting massive shadows over the scene, their faces cruel, rough-hewn like a rock.

Albus saw Fenrir, skulking, chewing his long nails; the great blonde Rowle was dabbing at his bleeding lip. He saw Lucius Malfoy, who looked defeated and terrified, and Narcissa, whose eyes were sunken

and full of apprehension.

Every eye was fixed upon Voldemort, who stood with his head bowed, and his white hands folded over his wand in front of him. He might have been praying, or else counting silently in his

mind.

Behind him tied together and forced to kneel was a group of students, all in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Gryffindor robes. There were about twenty in total and they all had cuts and bruises on their faces, some were trembling from fear. Anger flared up in him at the sight of a blonde-haired girl in Gryffindor robes, who was crying silently. He had never seen her around the castle and that meant that she couldn’t be any older than 11 or 12, a clueless first year, who was now used as leverage in a fight that should have never been hers.

 When Dolohov and Yaxley rejoined the circle, Voldemort looked up.

“No sign of Potter or Dumbledore, my Lord,” said Dolohov.

Voldemort’s expression did not change. The red eyes seemed to

burn in the firelight. Slowly he drew his wand between his

long fingers.

“My Lord—”

Bellatrix had spoken; she sat closest to Voldemort, her hair a bit dishevelled, eying him in worshipful fascination.

Voldemort raised his hand to silence her, and she did not speak another word.

“I thought they would come,” said Voldemort in his high, clear voice, his eyes on the leaping flames. “I expected them to come.”

Nobody spoke.

Albus slowly let go of Gellert's hand.

“I was, it seems . . . mistaken,” said Voldemort.

“You weren’t.”, Harry’s voice rang through the air, loud, confident and powerful and as the boy removed his Invisibility cloak, Albus lifted the disillusionment charm around him.

At first, there was nothing.

Everyone stared at them, seemingly frozen in time.

But that didn’t last for long. The giants roared as the Death Eaters rose together, and there were many cries, gasps, even laughter. Voldemort had remained where he stood,

but his red eyes had found the boy, and he stared as Harry moved toward him, with nothing but the fire between them.

Then a voice yelled, “HARRY! NO!”

Albus and Harry turned: Hagrid was bound and trussed, tied to a tree nearby.

His massive body shook the branches overhead as he struggled, desperate.

“NO! NO! WHAT’RE YEH — ?”

“QUIET!” shouted Rowle, and with a flick of his wand Hagrid was silenced, but Albus continued to stare. Not at Hagrid, but at the figure bound beside him. And Aberforth stared back at him in disbelief his eyes widened, as if he couldn’t believe that he was actually here, that he was actually about to give Voldemort what he wanted, that he had actually come to rescue them.

“ALBUS ARE YOU COMPLETELY STUP-…?”

But with a flick of Rowles wand Aberforth was silenced as well.

Voldemort tilted his head a little to the side looking at Harry and then at him.

“Harry Potter.”, he said very softly. “The boy who lived and…” He stifled back a laugh. “The greatest sorcerer of all time.”

“Thank you for the compliment, Tom, but I think you are overdoing it. I would never think myself greater than Merlin himself.”, Albus said nonchalantly and watched how Voldemort’s face turned into an ugly grimace.

“Ah, the ever so noble Albus Dumbledore,” Voldemort said disgusted. “Or was he ever noble after all…oh yes I know everything about you and Grindelwald.”

Albus raised his eyebrows unimpressed. “Looks like you’ve finally mastered the skill of reading, congratulations.”

Voldemort just laughed. “You little jokes won’t help you this time. I went to Nurmengard, I opened what was supposed to be his grave and I found nothing. He was with you at Malfoy Manor, wasn’t he? You freed him. Tell me how did you justify it? How did you justify that he crawled back into your bed again?” He let out another chuckle. “Oh yes, there are rumours that you are more than simply companions. Did you tell yourself that he loves you? I always took you for old and naive, but I never thought you’d be this foolish. We dark wizards don’t love; we are above that. If love was the greatest power in the world, like you claim, then tell me why are you standing here then, ready to surrender? You have always been blinded by false beliefs, never strong enough to see what needs to be done. Now give me your wand and I’ll show you what real greatness is.”

“The students first.”, Albus said, not even bothering to reply to the nonsense, Voldemort had just uttered. It was quite ironic really; all these years and Voldemort had learned nothing at all.

A cruel smirk appeared on Voldemort’s face. “Half of them.”, he said calmly. “The other half after you’ve given me the wand.”

Albus nodded. “Alright, then let them go.”

Voldemort pointed his wand at the ropes that bound the students and half of them undid themselves. The students stood up, a bit unsteady on their feet, looking around unsure, not knowing if Voldemort would really let them go.

Albus met the gaze of the oldest one. Lydia Stone, a Ravenclaw in her seventh year, known for her talent in transfiguration and old runes.

“Lydia.”, he said firmly. “Look after the younger ones and run.”

She nodded, her arm shaking as she grabbed the hand of a blond-haired first-year and took a shaky first step into the direction of the forest. The others gathered close behind her and they crossed the ring of death eaters with unsure steps, much slower than he would have liked, but then they finally began to run, their figures soon swallowed by the forest, and he only hoped that they would be smart enough to find a safe place to hide.

“Now give me the wand.”, Voldemort said. “Or the rest of them will pay the price for it.”

He wasn`t sure if Voldemort would stay true to his word and let the students go, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

He bent down and placed the Elderwand on the ground while taking hold of his old wand, hidden away in his sleeve.

Voldemort called the Elderwand to him with a flicker of his hand, a maniac grin spread over his face as it landed in his hand.

“Finally.”, he whispered. “I’m unstoppable now.”

He laid his head back letting out an insane cackle.

None of the Death Eaters moved. They were waiting. Everyone was waiting.

Then finally Voldemort raised the Elderwand and pointed it at Harry. His head was tilted to one side and for a moment he looked like a curious child, who wondered what would happen if it proceeded.

Albus wanted to step forward. Everything in him screamed to protect Harry, to save the boy, to do something, anything, but he couldn’t.

“Avada Kedavra.”

Tears gathered in his eyes as he saw how the green bolt hit Harry right in the chest and the boy who lived fell to the ground, dead.

Chapter Text

Albus noticed vaguely that Voldemort had fallen to the ground, heard gasps and whispers among the ranks of the Death Eaters, but his gaze remained fixed on Harry, who lay on the ground. Lifeless, motionless. He had been prepared for this to happen, of course, he had been, but seeing it was a whole other thing. It made him sick to the stomach. Tears glistened on his crooked nose, but now wasn’t the time to mourn.

He needed to save the students. He forced himself to take his eyes off Harry’s body and grasped his wand.

“YOU.”, Bellatrix shouted. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! CRUCIO!”
He raised his wand, but the spell was long deflected before it reached the protective shield he conjured.

“I wouldn’t have done that.”, said Gellert, now fully visible and stepped in front of him. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes. “No one gets to threaten Albus as long as I’m here.”

Bellatrix cackled. “Then I’ll kill you first.”

“I doubt that.”, Gellert said. “Or have you forgotten about our duel at Malfoy Manor?”

A hateful look appeared on Bellatrix's face, distorting her features into a cruel mask. “I heard rumours.”, she hissed through gritted teeth. “I heard you didn’t make it out all that unaffected either.”

Gellert chuckled. “Well, but I’m here, aren’t I? And I wouldn’t place that on skill, it was more of an unfortunate coincidence, beginner’s luck if you get what I mean.”

“Beginner’s…? HOW DARE YOU!”, Bellatrix screamed and shot a spell at Gellert which was again parried effortlessly.

The other Death Eaters now joined the fight too and soon several jets of light shot over the meadow.

 Albus deflected them, without sending anything back, relying on Gellert to defend them both for his focus lay on undoing the ropes around the students. It was a quite complex binding spell, quite hard to undo for the average wizard, but then he had never been average. It barely took him a minute. The ropes quivered and then they fell. The students straightened up, staggering a little, screaming as several curses flew in their directions, missing them just by a few inches.

“RUN OVER I’LL COVER YOU!”, he yelled, hoping that they could understand him through all the noise from the spells and screams and laughter from the Death Eaters. But apparently, they had gotten the message since they took each other by the hand and began to cross the meadow, trying to reach the protective bubble he and Gellert were in. They went slowly at first, but soon they began to sprint. Spells were aimed at them, but he made sure they didn’t reach their targets. And then, after what seemed like an eternity the first ones reached the bubble panting, still slightly trembling, but safe.

At least for now.

The next ones were Aberforth and Hagrid, who was carrying three first years single-handedly. After them came two Ravenclaw girls, a Hufflepuff boy and three Gryffindors.

Then again, a Ravenclaw and another Gryffindor.

A Hufflepuff.

A Ravenclaw.

Another Gryffindor.

He slowly dared to hope that they would all make it.

He waited for the last ones to enter the bubble, still looking out for potential spells that could hit them when it happened. A Hufflepuff second-year stumbled and fell. His Ravenclaw friend ran back to help him up. But the girl never reached him. A spell neither of them had seen coming hit her right in the back and she fell to the ground screaming as several deep wounds began to appear on her skin and blood began to drip through her robes.

He didn’t even think. He just ran, leaving the protective shields behind him. He couldn’t let her die.  He hadn’t been able to do anything for Harry, whose body still lay on the ground just a few meters away, but he could still save her.

He could still make sure that not another young life was taken today.

He reached her and the boy who stared at him, his eyes full of tears, seemingly in shock.

He helped him up, while he aimed his wand at the girl, stopping her from bleeding to death.

That was everything he could do for now, the wounds still needed to be treated properly, but at least she would survive.

He flicked his wand another time, conjuring a floating stretcher to transport the girl. He turned around and saw Gellert fighting to keep the safety bubble intact, deflecting spells from seven different death eaters at the time. His magical abilities were extraordinary, raw power seemed to ooze from every inch of his skin and yet that wasn’t what made him great, it was the finesse with which he executed all his spells, despite the overflow of magical power, despite the rawness of it all. Gellert guided every spell with a precision most sorcerers would never possess, not even after a lifetime of trying.

He kept the stretcher afloat beside him and made his way to the safety bubble. He didn’t dare to apparate them into it, he wasn’t sure if the girl had ever done so in her lifetime and even if she had he wouldn’t be sure she could stomach it, given how weak she was.

And then it happened.

He saw a movement to his left, saw four hooded figures targeting the girl, saw four spells flying into her direction simultaneously and as he deflected them, he thought about how foolish, how outright dumb this attack had been, for surely, they had known they stood no chance with outright attacking him. And that was what made him spin around and then he stopped for it wasn’t possible. Ariana was dead. She couldn’t be here on the battlefield and yet she was. There she stood her blond hair flowing behind her, her smile ever so gentle and sweet, but her eyes were full of hatred. And that was when he realized that they must have seen Aberforth's portrait of her hanging over the fireplace when they had kidnapped him. It was then that he realized he hadn’t seen Bellatrix since the battle began. And he realized all that and he knew that he ought to do something, anything when she cried “CRUCIO” and the spell flew in his direction, but he couldn’t. He continued to stare at her face, which was different and yet so familiar, and he thought how Bellatrix had been quite right in the assumption that he would never be able to raise his wand against his little sister.

And then the blast hit him, and he screamed. He felt hot searing pain like never before, so intense and all-consuming, there was no space for anything else, there was just agony, prickling, never-ending agony. And he begged them to make it stop, as he convulsed and writhed on the ground, unable to stop from crying out.

And then it was over.

He thought he saw something blue flicker from the corner of his eye, heard pained gasps and screams and suddenly Gellert was there, picking him up and carrying him and the girl through the ring of blue flames he had just conjured.

Gellert gently lowered him to the ground, his gaze full of worry and hatred. Not at him, never at him, but at the ones responsible for this.

“Albus, can you stand? You need to bring us into the castle. There are too many. I can’t hold this up for much longer.”

 “I think so.”, he rasped, his voice hoarse from screaming and Gellert nodded supporting him as he pushed himself up. The students, Aberforth and Hagrid gathered around them, all touching a part of his arms.

He gathered all the strength he had left, channelled all his concentration on one goal. To bring them back to Hogwarts, back into the Great Hall…back into the castle. He swayed on his feet from the effort it took, but eventually, their surroundings began to dissolve, and they disapparated with a loud crack.

They appeared in the middle of the Great Hall. He heard surprised gasps, saw people move towards them, but something wasn’t right, everything seemed blurry, he thought he heard someone say his name… the world spun before his eyes and black dots started to appear, becoming bigger and bigger, springing up all over the place…and then…then there was nothing.

The first thing he knew was that he was lying on the ground. A sharp pain shot through his head and dizziness overcame him as he opened his eyes. He stared into a starry night sky and took him a while to realize that was positioned directly under the ceiling of the Great Hall. He heard hushed murmurs around him and then Gellert came into view, a small vial with a shimmering liquid in his hand.

“Here.”, he said and carefully brought the potion up to Albus' lips. “It will make you feel better.”

The potion burned in his throat as he swallowed it, but after a few minutes the pounding in his head lessened and he felt strong enough to sit up.

“How long was I out?”, he croaked.

“Not long.”; Gellert responded. “Maybe for one or two minutes.”

“The students?”

“Are all safe, at least for now.”

He nodded. “Good.”

Gellert stared into the distance. “I will kill her for that.”

“Bellatrix?”

“Precisely.” Gellert clenched his fists. “She laughed.”, he added and there lay something dangerous in his tone as he said so and Albus found himself thinking that if he hadn’t known Gellert so well, if he had just been a random stranger who had encountered Gellert on some random street he would have been afraid. “You lay there screaming and she just…it was entertaining to her.”

Gellert’s fists were shaking with anger and Albus slowly took hold of his wrist and rubbed soothing circles into the back of Gellert’s hand.

“I’m alright.”

Gellert let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he regarded Albus analysing his face as if he was looking for signs of a lie.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Albus felt the tension in Gellert’s fists lessen a little.

A light kiss was pressed to his temple. “I’m glad.”

Albus leaned his head on Gellert’s shoulder and properly took in his surroundings for the first time.

He saw the students gathered around the Ravenclaw table, Arthur, Molly, Tonks and Lupin who had remained to defend the Great Hall and Hagrid and Aberforth sitting on the floor not far from them.

Aberforth's gaze met his and to his surprise, he didn’t see the usual hatred there, but confusion and sadness as well.

“Why haven`t you saved him? He was our biggest hope and you just let him march into his death.”

He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very tired.

“It’s not that simple. It needed…”

“To be this way?”, Aberforth asked, slight disgust in his tone now. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you? You still sacrifice people, always thinking of the bigger picture, always thinking…”

“Aberforth let me explain. Please.”

But Aberforth just shook his head. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how everything was once again just for the greater…”

“I would advise you to be quiet now.”, Gellert’s voice was silent, but there lay a coldness in his tone, a sharpness that would have made him flinch if he hadn’t known the other so well.

“I don’t take orders from you Grindelwald.”, Aberforth hissed.

“It wasn’t an order. It was an advice.”, Gellert said calmly, letting his wand wander from one hand to another, meeting Aberforth's gaze unimpressed. “You never realized it, did you?”

“Realized what?”

“That Albus isn’t the asshole here.”

Aberforth's features turned hard. “If he were so innocent, he wouldn’t have fallen for scum like you, and she would still be alive. If he had used his precious brain just for a second in that summer, he would have realized that, but no he rather developed plans to run away with you, not caring what happened to me or Ariana, we weren’t important enough, not witty enough to match his genius, not worthy of being his family, not…”

“I never thought that.”, Albus choked out, desperately trying to hide the shaking in his hands, desperately trying to suppress the well-known feeling of nausea and self-hatred that swept over him at Aberforth's words, greeting him like an old, forgotten friend. “I loved Ariana, and I loved you and I’m aware that I made mistakes, but I did care, there was never a moment where I stopped.”

Aberforth just looked at him. “Then you haven’t cared enough.”, he said flatly and that was when Gellert lost it.

He didn’t draw his wand.

He didn’t need to.

He just stood up, crossed the few meters that separated them and punched Aberforth straight in the face.

Aberforth howled and cursed him as blood shot out of his nose and although his punch hadn’t been strong enough to break it entirely, Gellert was still satisfied with the result.

“You bastard.”, Aberforth pressed out, directing his wand at his nose, in a feeble attempt to heal it, but failing miserably as it slid out of his hands, landing on the floor, slippery from his own blood.

“I warned you.”, Gellert said calmly.

Aberforth glared at him, his face still bloody, nose crooked and suddenly let out a surprised yelp. Gellert was confused for a moment, but then he saw it. The bleeding had stopped, and Aberforth's nose slowly, but surely seemed to straighten itself until it looked normal again.

He wasn’t a tad surprised to find Albus standing behind him.

“Ah come on; you could have waited a bit.”

“I think we should retreat to the other side of the Hall don’t you think?”

“He should be the one to…”

Albus looked at him. “Not for his sake, but for mine.”

Gellert sighed. “Alright.”, he grumbled and shot a last glare at Aberforth before he turned around a followed Albus to sit on the stairs beside the podium.

“There was no need for that.”

“There was every need for that.”, Gellert replied.

He had seen the hurt on Albus' face.

Had seen the self-hatred reemerge at Aberforth's words.

A punch in the face wasn’t nearly enough to compensate for the damage Aberforth had caused.

“You won’t bring me to regret it.”

Albus sighed. “I know.”

“You aren’t angry at me.” It wasn’t a question, more of an observation.

“It isn’t the right time for that.”, Albus said simply and leaned his head on Gellert’s shoulder again. “I can come back to that after we have won.”

“Hmm sure,” Gellert replied, but when Albus got closer to him, closing his eyes for a moment when Gellert reached out to brush a loose strand of hair out of his face, he knew that he was already forgiven.

It didn’t take too long before the inevitable happened and Voldemort’s voice swelled through the grounds again, magically amplified crashing upon Gellert’s eardrums.

“Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone. The battle is won. The great Albus Dumbledore even gave me his wand, yes, he surrendered, while begging for the life of his students.  I can’t be stopped. My Death Eaters outnumber you, and the Boy Who Lived is no longer. There must be no more war. Anybody who continues to resist, man, woman, or child, will be slaughtered, as will every member of their family. Come out of the castle now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared. Your parents and children, your brothers and sisters will live and be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we shall build together.”

There was silence on the ground and in the castle. And then as if on silent command the fighters returned from their positions, and they all gathered in the court waiting, wands raised.

The Death Eaters got through the gate, a long procession in black robes, with Voldemort at the top a seemingly lifeless body flying right next to him. It was an odd sight somehow, like they were all mourners heading to a funeral.

Then the first people began to scream.

“NO!”

The scream was the more terrible because he had never expected or dreamed that Minerva McGonagall could make such a sound.

“No!”

“No! ”

“Harry! HARRY!”

Ron’s, Hermione’s, and Ginny’s voices were even worse, and he saw the guilt and self-hatred on Albus' face amplifying a thousandfold. Yes, it had needed to be this way and yes there was nothing they could have done to prevent that outcome, but he knew Albus still felt like a traitor as the people around them gasped in shock and fear as Voldemort finally entered the court and let Harry's body float to the ground.

And then many things happened at the same moment.

They heard uproar from the distant boundary of the school as what sounded like hundreds of people came swarming over the out-of-sight walls and pelted toward the castle, uttering loud war cries. Then came hooves and the twangs of bows, and arrows were suddenly falling amongst the Death Eaters, who broke ranks, shouting their surprise.

Then the first jets of lights streamed over the court.

Chaos reigned. The charging centaurs were scattering the Death Eaters, everyone was fleeing the giants’ stamping feet, and nearer and nearer thundered the reinforcements that had come from who knew where; Gellert saw great winged creatures soaring around the heads of Voldemort’s giants, thestrals and hippogriffs scratching at their eyes and now the wizards, defenders of Hogwarts and
Death Eaters alike, were being forced back into the castle. Gellert was shouting jinxes and curses at any Death Eater he could see, while trying to remain close to Albus, trying not to lose him in the crowd. Soon they were buffeted into the entrance hall: He was searching for Voldemort and saw him across the room, firing spells from his wand as he backed into the Great hall, still screaming instructions to his followers as he sent curses flying left and right;

And now there were more, even more people storming up the front steps, and Gellert saw the families and friends of every Hogwarts student who had remained to fight swarm into the castle, along with the shopkeepers and homeowners of Hogsmeade. The centaurs burst into the hall with a great clatter of hooves and the door that led to the kitchens was blasted off its hinges. The house elves of Hogwarts swarmed into the entrance hall, screaming and waving carving knives and cleavers.
They were hacking and stabbing at the ankles and shins of Death Eaters, their tiny faces alive with malice, and everywhere Gellert looked Death Eaters were folding under the sheer weight of numbers, overcome by spells, dragging arrows from wounds, stabbed in the leg by elves, or else simply attempting to escape, but swallowed by the oncoming horde.

Gellert saw Dolohov fall with a scream at Flitwick’s hands, saw Walden Macnair thrown across the room by Hagrid, hit the stone wall opposite, and slid unconscious to the ground. He saw Ron and Neville bringing down Fenrir Greyback, Aberforth stunning Rookwood, Arthur, and George flooring Thicknesse, and Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy running through the hall, not even attempting to fight, screaming for their son.

But it wasn’t over yet. He saw Albus move through the crowd soon reaching the centre of the battle and he never looked more powerful than he did when he took on Voldemort. His eyes were ablaze with hatred and determination, the air seemed to be cracking with his rare power, his white hair glistened in the light of the spells and his robes floated around him as he moved effortlessly, elegantly like a dancer, parrying every curse with ease, forcing Voldemort into the defensive.

It was at that moment when Gellert realized that he had probably never been more in love with him.

He thought about joining in and helping Albus to finish that bastard off, but then he spotted Bellatrix fighting fifty yards away from Voldemort. Hermione, Ginny, and Luna were all battling their hardest, but none of them managed to bring her down.

He recalled how she had laughed when Albus had screamed and convulsed on the ground overwhelmed by pain, how he had seen the glee in her eyes, the entertainment she’d gotten from seeing Albus in pain.

“Out of my way.”, he said, and he didn’t know if it was because of the rage in his voice or the hatred in his face, but the three girls moved aside without complaint.

Bellatrix laughed. “Oh, I knew you would come. I’ve known since the moment in the forest when I inflicted the Cruciatus on your precious other half. I’ve waited for you Grindelwald.”

“That was a mistake.”, he said calmly. “I would have run.”

Bellatrix let out a chuckle. “I don’t fear you.”

He tightened the grip on his wand. “You should.”

She shot a spell in his direction, but he deflected it. Just a tiny move with his wand was all it took. She snarled and began to circle him shooting spell after spell and he just stood there, deflecting everything, not moving an inch from his position.

He wanted her to realize, before he killed her, wanted to see the fear on her face, wanted her to know that she had picked the wrong opponent, wanted her to be aware of the fatal mistake she had made.

Hundreds of people now lined the walls, watching the two fights, that were still going on Voldemort versus Albus and him versus Bellatrix.

Bellatrix's face turned into a grim mask as she encircled him, jets of lights were streaming out of her wand and he laughed as he saw the fury in her face, because none of them even had the chance, none of them even got close to hitting him.

“FIGHT BACK.”, she screamed. “DON’T BE A COWARD FIGHT BACK!”

Another beam of light, but to no avail, she didn’t manage to break through his shields.

“Apologize.”, he said calmly. “Apologize and I will end this farce.”

Bellatrix looked at him, her gaze full of disbelief and then she let out an exhilarated laugh, her wand still aimed at him.

“I won’t apologize for torturing this scum, he deserved it, every little second of it, every ounce of…”

But she never got to finish her sentence. His curse soared beneath Bellatrix’s outstretched arm and

hit her squarely in the chest, directly over her heart. The smile froze on her face, her eyes began to bulge, and for a moment, just for a moment, she looked strangely beautiful with her black hair floating around her as she fell backwards and landed on the ground with a loud thud.

The watching crowd roared, and he heard Voldemort scream in the distance, saw a curse flying in his direction and raised his wand to deflect it, but before he could do so someone roared “Protego”, the shield charm enveloped the whole hall and suddenly Harry was there, breathing and very much alive.

The yell of shock, the cheers, the screams on every side of “Harry!” “HE’S ALIVE!” were stifled at once. The crowd was afraid, and silence fell abruptly and completely as Voldemort and Harry looked at each other, and began, at the same moment, to circle each other.
“I don’t want anyone else to try to help me against Voldemort,” Harry said, looking at Albus. “It’s got to be like this. It’s got to be me.”

Voldemort hissed. “Potter doesn’t mean that,” he said, his red eyes wide. “That isn’t how he works, is it? Who are you going to use as a shield today, Potter?”

 “Nobody,” said Harry simply. “There are no more Horcruxes. It’s just you and me. Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good. . . .”
“One of us?” jeered Voldemort, and his whole body was taunt and his red eyes stared, a snake that was about to strike. “You think it will be you, do you, the boy who has survived by accident, but not even Dumbledore could save you from me today, he has given up on you as he accompanied you into the forest because he realized that there is no other solution, I won’t be stopped.”

Harry looked at Voldemort. “And once again you have overseen something. You don’t learn from your mistakes, Riddle, do you?”
“You dare — ”
“Yes, I dare,” said Harry. “I know things you don’t know, Tom Riddle. I know lots of important things that you don’t. Want to hear some, before you make another big mistake?”

 “Is it love again?” said Voldemort, his snake’s face jeering. “Dumbledore’s favourite solution, love, which he claimed conquered death, love, which did not prevent me stamping out your Mud blood mother like a cockroach, Potter. Love which did not prevent Dumbledore himself from handing me the Elderwand tonight and letting you be hit with the killing curse right in front of his eyes. Love is a weakness and that’s why only Dark wizards are capable of achieving greatness, we don’t love, we can do without it.”

“There has been in fact a Dark wizard who loved and that might have saved him.”, Harry said calmly. “I reckon you know Gellert Grindelwald?”

Voldemort began to laugh, an ugly, cackling sound.

“Gellert Grindelwald is weak.”, he yelled. “He has lost his mind in Nurmengard and that is everything there is to it.”

Harry shook his head. “Gellert Grindelwald changed because he understood something you didn’t.”

Voldemort’s eyes narrowed. “Ah and what is that? That its better to be Dumbledore's lapdog than to achieve true greatness?”

“That being capable of love is the greatest gift of all.”

“Then he’s wrong, blinded, just like Dumbledore himself.”

“Dumbledore was never blinded. He saw right through people, he saw their flaws, their wrongs, but also the goodness that was inherent in most of them, he could find something to value in anyone, however apparently insignificant or wretched and in the end that’s what made him one of the greatest sorcerers of our time, not his achievements, but his compassion, his sympathy, in other words, his ability to love.”

Voldemort looked at Harry a mad grin on his face. “Tell me, Potter, why are you defending him, why are you defending Dumbledore, who did nothing, but raise you like a pig for slaughter, who was ready to sacrifice you when the moment was right?”

“Because I know that he loved me.”, Harry said calmly and Gellert could see his gaze wander to the crowd until it landed on a very particular pair of blue eyes. “And also, that he had no choice.” Even from across the hall, Gellert could see how crystalline tears wetted Albus' beard and how he fought to regain his composure, wiping the tears off his face with a trembling hand. And at that moment every meter between them, seemed one too much, for he had never yearned to be close to Albus as much as he did now, had never yearned so much for this all to be over, so that he could finally hold Albus and tell him that everything was alright, that he was good, that he was deserving of every ounce of love others held for him, needing to spend no thought on the next battle or confrontation with the Death Eaters or Voldemort. But it wouldn’t be long now, he sensed it in the way Voldemort and the boy began to circle each other, in the way they raised their wands, and he held his breath when, finally two shouts tore through the silence.

“AVADA KEDAVRA”

“EXPELLIARMUS”

And then the Elderwand flew through the air, right in Harry's outstretched hand while Voldemort fell to the ground with a loud crunch and Gellert realized it was over. Screams and cheers evaporated around him, people were hugging each other, chanting Harry's name over and over again, but all he did care for, all he searched for was one particular face and then he spotted Albus in the crowd and he knew the other had seen him too, when Albus apparated beside him, beaming at him, his eyes full of tears and in the next moment they lay in each other’s arms and he thought that he never wanted to let go of Albus ever again. But eventually he did, and they retreated to the garden, away from the cheering mass in the Hall, watching as the morning sun painted Hogwarts in a golden light.

“We made it.”, he said and still couldn’t believe his own words.

“Yes, we did.”, Albus replied and there was something in his gaze he couldn’t quite decipher.

And suddenly Albus got down on his knee and for a moment, just for a short moment, he thought that he had been hurt and fear swept through him, but then he saw the little black box in Albus hand and the ring with the phoenix engraving that lay inside of it.

“Gellert Grindelwald, do you want to marry me?”

He didn’t know when or how Albus had found the ring.

He didn’t care either.

His gaze was fixed on these blue eyes, deep like the sea, but so much brighter and infinitely more beautiful.

It was as if the rest of the world had vanished, as if there were just the two of them, forever in this moment, forever here and it felt much more intimate than everything they had ever done or shared. Albus white hair glistened in the morning light, and he knew that there was only one answer he wanted to give.

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

It was the first and the last time Gellert Grindelwald ever wore white. He had bought the suit and the cloak a week prior in Diagon Alley’s Madam Malkins while Albus had been busy picking out the flavours for the cake, an over-sugared four-tier monstrosity with purple marzipan flowers on top. They probably wouldn’t finish half of it, but he hadn’t had the heart to tell Albus that, not when he had looked so delighted and excited when the wizarding baker had provided them with the first cake sample.

He would have ordered hundreds of these hideous things just to see that look on Albus' face again.

Settling on a location had been simple and quick. There hadn’t even been a need for discussion, as if they had both long decided that Hogwarts was the perfect place for them to marry.

It wouldn’t be a big event. Just them, the Order, along with the trio and some former students and teaching colleagues of Albus. No noisy reporters or ministry officials, the minister of magic himself being the only exception, and that was Kingsley of course who had pardoned Gellert a week after the battle under the premise that he had played a vital role in defeating Voldemort.

It was strange that everyone in the Wizarding World knew who he was now. He still got some weary looks from time to time, but he couldn’t have cared less about that. Not when he could finally be with Albus without fearing to be discovered, could finally hold his hand and kiss him whenever he wanted without anyone questioning his identity or growing suspicious.

Of course, that didn’t go unnoticed, and he was sure that Rita Skeeter hadn’t put down her quill ever since she had gotten that one photograph into her hands, which showed him kissing Albus in front of a shop in Diagon Alley. After that, the headlines had exploded of course, but they hadn’t cared.  No one bought the Daily Prophet anyway, not since Voldemort had exploited it as his propaganda machine.

Well, no one beside him, that was since he just needed to have that photo of Albus angrily glaring at the camera while he kissed him. It just looked too funny to let it go to waste.

He had hung it beside Albus' wanted poster in the kitchen along with a few cut-out headlines:

“ALBUS DUMBLEDORE WANTS TO MARRY FORMER DARK WIZARD GELLERT GRINDELWALD”

“DUMBLEDORES DARK SECRET, READ EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS SOON-TO-BE GROOM ON PAGE 2”

“GRINDELWALD THREATENS WIZARDING BAKER TO MAKE THE MOST PERFECT WEDDING CAKE OTHERWISE… continuation on pages 3 and 4”

Albus had of course objected and insisted that there was no need to plaster their kitchen with newspaper cut-outs, but then the permanent sticking charm he had applied proved to be quite powerful and that had been that.  

“Seriously Gellert? One could think you are the Daily Prophet's biggest fan.”

“You get it wrong Albus, I’m our biggest fan.”

Albus sighed. “Alright, but please tell me you haven’t really threatened the baker?”

“I didn’t exactly threaten him, I just said I would be very upset if the cake isn’t perfect.”

“Yes... but you are Gellert Grindelwald, you know that right?”

“Of course, I know that, but I don’t see how that is relevant here.”

Albus ran a hand over his face. “Why did you even… you aren’t that much of a cake fan in the first place?”

“But maybe…”, said Gellert and took a step in Albus' direction. “Maybe I know someone who very much is.”

Albus raised his eyebrows, an amused smile on his lips. “Oh, do you?”

“Yes, I think I do.”, he responded and captured Albus lips with his.

Albus couldn’t sleep the night before their wedding. The invitations were sent out, the cake was ready, as well as his outfit, but it still felt unreal he would call Gellert his husband by this time tomorrow. They had made it. Somehow it still felt too good to be true.

“Albus, why are you still awake? You should rest.”, Gellert asked, sounding a bit drowsy.

He sighed. “I don’t know, it’s just…”

 He didn’t know how to express it and it felt a bit silly to do so after everything, but then he just admitted it. “I think I’m scared.”

Gellert looked at him. “About what?”

“I…it’s quite irrational actually.”

“That doesn’t matter, you can tell me.”, Gellert said gently.

Albus averted his gaze. “It just seems too good to be true. I felt similar the night before we wanted to depart with Ariana, everything was perfect and then…”

“It turned into an absolute disaster.”

“Yes.”

Gellert regarded him for a moment. “Come here.”

And Albus climbed into his embrace, hiding his face in Gellert’s chest. “I told you it’s silly.”

Gellert stroked his hair. “No, it isn’t. It’s absolutely understandable.”

He felt little kisses being pressed on the top of his head.

 “I won’t leave you, Albus, I promise. Not this time.”

Gellert’s embrace tightened and he closed his eyes, concentrating on the familiar feeling of Gellert’s body pressed against his.

“Everything is going to be alright.”, Gellert whispered soothingly and gently stroked his back.

“And if not, I will make it so, for I’ll be by your side now and forever.”

The morning of the wedding was quiet. The sun peaked through the windows immersing their bedroom in golden light. If he listened closely enough, he could hear the waves crashing on the beach in the distance. Albus was still sleeping soundly, so Gellert carefully got up and made breakfast. Black coffee and a sandwich for him, over-sugared oatmeal for Albus and some scrambled eggs for both.

Albus came down after a while, his red and golden morning robes glistening in the sunlight, holding a copy of the Daily Prophet in his hand.

HOGWARTS: DUMBLEDORES AND GRINDELWALDS WEDDING TO BE HELD TODAY

Read everything about who’s invited on pages 2 and 3.

“Oh, give me that I need to stick it to our wall.”

Albus chuckled. “I figured as much.”

It was a morning like any other, despite that it wasn’t. He found himself constantly glancing at the clock while Albus flavoured his hot cocoa with salt instead of sugar. When it was finally time to change Albus almost knocked his chair over as he got up, along with the table, only preventing the catastrophe with a quick stabilising spell.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me this morning.”, Albus said giving Gellert an apologetic smile.

“You are nervous.”, he replied simply.

“Is it that obvious?”

“A bit. But if it makes you feel better, I’m nervous too.”

“But you didn’t almost knock the table over.”

Gellert grinned. “Not yet.”

“Well, I’ll go change then.

Gellert nodded. “Good, then we’ll see each other at Hogwarts.”

“We will.”

It didn’t take long for him to change. When he got out of their bedroom in his suit and white cloak, he could still hear Albus rummaging in the bathroom.

The door wasn’t closed entirely, Albus apparently hadn’t noticed in all his nervousness and for a moment he contemplated to take a peek. But it was their wedding day, after all, and he wanted to do this properly. Albus deserved it to be done properly. So, he turned around and disapparated with a quiet plop.

Hogwarts looked beautiful. The garden was filled with rows of elegant white and golden chairs, a glistening dark purple carpet was leading up to a marble altar, decorated with white and yellow roses. All their guests were already seated turning their heads as he walked up the aisle most greeting him with a small nod while this annoying redhead that was Ron Weasley couldn’t behave normally and held his thumbs up as he walked by.

“I never thought that Dumbledore would marry a dark…”

He couldn’t make out the rest of the sentence because Hermione had quickly put her hand over Ron's mouth.

“Ron, he helped to defeat Voldemort you can’t say that.”

“What do you mean? I support him, even showed him thumbs up, haven’t you seen?”

Hermione just sighed and hid her face in her hands.

He had almost reached the altar when the audience suddenly gasped and as he spun around, he saw that the end of the aisle was enveloped in white, searing flames.

But they weren’t dangerous. He knew them very well.

In the next moment, Albus emerged from them and his breath got stuck in his throat.

He wore finely tailored white robes with golden flames and a phoenix embroidered onto them, his cloak was glistening in the sunlight and his face seemed to be overflowing with joy. He couldn’t even find a hint of the nervousness he had seen there this morning. Albus eyes sparkled in the sunlight and as their gazes met, he felt his knees grow weak. Had they always looked like this? So all-encompassing, so full of love and hope and warmth, so utterly, utterly beautiful?

His heart skipped a beat as Albus reached him. He extended his hand and Albus took it smiling gently.

“Shall we?”

For some inexplicable reason, he felt a lump forming in his throat, so he was only able to nod and then they walked the last steps up to the altar hand in hand.

The priest was already awaiting them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we`ve gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls…”

He didn’t listen.

He couldn’t stop to look at Albus totally mesmerized by his sight. His heart beat loudly in his chest and he was convinced that everyone could hear it, but he didn’t care. Albus was so beautiful, so perfect and he would be his. He couldn’t believe that he would be his.

He felt the lump in his throat grow bigger. What was up with him? They were getting married for Merlin’s sake, everything was well after all.

“…and so, in the presence of Merlin, I ask you to state your intentions.”

“Gellert.”, Albus whispered, and he realized that he had failed to turn around to pick up one of the rings brought to them by an impeccably dressed Minerva Mc Gonagall.

He hurriedly corrected his mistake while Minerva looked at him with a bemused expression. “Take good care of him.”, she whispered, then turned around to settle into her seat in the front row.

“Gellert Grindelwald, do you take Albus Dumbledore to be your husband, to love him, to honour him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

He took Albus' hand in his and slipped the ring on his finger. “I do.”

“Albus Dumbledore, do you take Gellert Grindelwald to be your husband, to love him, to honour him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

Albus hand trembled slightly as he slipped the ring on Gellert’s finger, but his voice sounded loud and clear as he answered. “I do.”

"Then I pronounce you partners in heart and mind, in body and soul, in love and life. You may kiss.”

And as Albus’ lips descended upon his, as Albus looked at him, his gaze so gentle, warm, and loving, so his, totally and utterly the lump in his throat finally broke. He felt a tear descend upon his cheeks and he hastily wiped it away, for there was no need for such dramatics, but then another wetted his face and another and in the next moment Albus pulled him into a hug and he hid his face in his shoulder, grateful for the opportunity to regain his composure.

“Do I really look this hideous in these robes Gellert?”, Albus whispered, chuckling lightly.

“You aren’t funny Albus.”

“Well thank you for that.”

He felt Albus rub small soothing circles into his back and after what felt like an eternity, he finally felt ready to lift his face from Albus' shoulder and meet the other's gaze.

“In case you didn’t know, you look utterly beautiful.”

“Oh, I can only give that back.”, Albus said quietly, and his eyes were glittering traitorously as he pulled him into another kiss.

The rest of the wedding was a blazing success. After the ceremony, they all gathered in the Great Hall which seemed to be drowning in a sea of glistening white and purple roses. But the highlight was of course their four-tier wedding cake monstrosity standing on a table in the middle of it all. They cut it together under the cheers of their guests and as he took the first bite, he was quite satisfied to notice that it was way too over-sugared. Threatening the baker seemed to be worth it after all. And he would do it again just to see the look of bliss on Albus’ face as he ate his piece.

“It’s so good Gellert. I think I’ve never eaten something more perfect.”

“Oh really?”, he said seemingly surprised and leaned forward to wipe a dab of vanilla cream and marzipan off Albus' face. “You can have my piece as well if you want, I think I’d rather settle for one of these delicious-looking pastries.”

Albus looked so delighted by this offer that he considered sending the baker a thank-you gift.

Then the evening came, and Hogwarts was the most beautiful place on earth. Lanterns were lit in the garden and peacefully flowed a few feet above the ground, illuminating the dance floor and the orchestra.

As he led Albus to the dance floor somewhere out in the darkness, Fawkes began to sing in a way Gellert had never heard before - a tune of unfathomable and forlorn beauty. It felt as if the music was inside him, it was as if his own love turned magically into a song that echoed across the grounds and through the castle windows.

The lump in his throat was growing again as he held Albus close and they danced in perfect synchrony, sweeping effortlessly over the dance floor the soft glow of the lanterns reflecting in Albus' eyes.

“I’ve dreamt of that, you know.”, Albus whispered.

“Of us dancing at our wedding?”

“No, of being accepted, of not having to hide whom I love anymore, of being with you.”

Albus' voice sounded firm and clear in Gellert’s ears, and when he beamed at him, his eyes seemed to be ablaze with love and sparkling joy and for a moment, he thought that he had never seen Albus so utterly, so palpably content.

“I love you; you know.”, he said, the lump threatening to break another time, but he got it under control.

And Albus looked at him, eyes of an incredibly blue, which he knew so well, and yet his heart skipped a beat at the sight, like it always did.

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

It was a rainy Friday when Albus resigned as headmaster of Hogwarts. It hadn’t been an easy decision, but he knew it was the right one when he stepped out of the castle and the summer rain washed over his face.

He had needed this last year, but a part of him had always known that it would be over after that.

The castle had been his home for decades, had taken him in when he had nowhere else to go, had given him a purpose, something to look forward to, something to live for.

And he would be forever grateful for every experience he had made as a teacher or a headmaster, but he knew that now was the time to let go.

He took a last glance at the battlements and the towers, looming over him as high and as imposing as ever. He looked up to the headmaster’s tower which would now be Minerva's new office. She would be a great headmistress, maybe one of the best Hogwarts had ever seen. A small smile spread on his lips, then he disapparated.

Seconds later he found himself on a very familiar beach. Gellert was already waiting for him in front of their house, Fawkes on his shoulder, two suitcases at his feet.

“Everything settled?”

“Everything settled.”, he replied and pulled Gellert in for a gentle kiss.

They would go to Austria first to visit Gellert’s old hometown for a few days and then…

There were so many things they could do. He wanted to show Gellert the northern lights in Norway and Sweden, wanted to see how the sun illuminated his face while walking through the endless lavender fields of the Provence, wanted to see the sparkle in Gellert’s eyes at the sight of the grand palaces in Venice.

They didn’t know how long they’d be away. Maybe it would be a month or two or three, maybe they’d already be tired of it after a few weeks, it didn’t matter.

They had time.

There was no dark wizard to bring down.

There were no horcruxes or death eaters.

No battles that needed to be fought.

Just him and Gellert.

Side by side. Now and forever.

Always.

He grasped Gellert’s hand, and they spun around and disapparated with a quiet plop.

All was well.