Chapter Text
‘You?’
Lapis stared down at the gem that stood proudly in front of her, venom managing to coat the one word that escaped her lips.
‘Lazuli. Nice to see you up and about!’
Clearly, Peridot hadn’t clocked the disgust in Lapis’ voice, or perhaps she had elected to ignore it.
This only irritated Lapis more, her features contorting to accommodate her distaste.
‘what are you doing here?’
‘ This is my home away from Homeworld!’
‘No, it’s not! It’s mine – right Steven?’
Much to Lapis’ dismay, Steven only managed to muster a nervous smile.
Great. Fantastic, even. Of course – of course the moment she finds a place she actually wants to be, the moment she finds the tiniest speck of hope, its snuffed out right in front of her. As far as she was concerned, Peridot was here solely to steal away any chance that Lapis had at being happy, and after everything – after Steven, after Jasper, after the mirror, after being captured, after the years and years of torment and suffering she had to endure just to be standing here – she wasn’t going to just act like it was fine. It wasn’t fine, it was the furthest thing from fine, yet she had the nerve to look her in the eye and talk to her like they were on good terms. Absolutely not.
As if Peridot couldn’t get more insufferable, she proceeded to imitate Lapis into her tape recorder right in front of her. Lapis could only watch, incredulous. She tried to glance at Steven to make sure he was in fact seeing the same thing as she was, and lo and behold, there he stood, simply watching with not a semblance of shock or anger. That was just how it is with Steven, she supposed. Even in her attempt to reason with him, telling him that she was hoping to live in solitude in the barn, Steven did as Steven does and attempted to compromise.
While a part of Lapis did feel pity for Steven as he tried and failed to help Peridot come to a solution, she was also adamant that there was no way she’d share a roof with the likes of her. She would never be at home with Peridot there to destroy it.
So, rather than wasting her breath on a gem she’d much rather wipe off the face of the Earth, Lapis cast out her wings of water and vacated the barn, withdrawing from the interaction entirely and finding herself perched atop the silo a good distance away.
Upon settling and realising she hadn’t been followed, Lapis allowed herself to relax. Well, relax as much as possible given the circumstances. Given everything, really. Plucked from one millennia-long traumatic experience only to be thrust into two more in rapid succession. And now she was here, free to choose and to roam and to be, free to live and to enjoy it, free to launch Peridot to the moon with one mighty blow from an aqueous fist. Lapis snickered at the thought.
Alas, Steven believed in her. Steven believed that Lapis didn’t have to surrender anymore, didn’t have to run anymore, didn’t have to fight anymore, and Steven seemed to be the only thing truly worthy of fighting for. Thus (as much as she relished in the thought) she decided not to give Peridot the thrashing she absolutely deserved. Instead, she would wait it out, hope she’d give up and leave, hoping she’d hop on the next ship that crossed by this planet and steer clear of it forever. If she had to look at her every day she was sure she’d snap. Honestly, even just her voice-
“Hey Lazuli! Hey Lazuli! Hey! Lazuli! Hey!”
Ultimately, Lapis was granted an ever so generous hour of respite before being disturbed by that certain grating, screeching voice. Pestering, mithering, clawing at her eardrums. The voice that followed however, a much more familiar and pleasant voice, that of what was perhaps the only friend she had made in thousands of years, beckoned her to the foot of the silo.
Peridot spent the rest of the day trying to ingratiate herself with Lapis, each attempt being more poorly executed, misguided and downright pathetic than the last.
With the card Peridot confirmed exactly what she was adamant she no longer thought, that Lapis’ worth was based on how she could be used. How much one could get out of her, how she could be a tool for someone else’s needs.
With the pool that had taken the pair a large portion of the day to dig out and fill, there were now not one, but two harsh reminders of what had transpired before she found herself at the barn.
Not to mention, the tape recorder.
As if watching Peridot awkwardly shuffle forward and present the gift with her crooked, uncertain smile wasn’t uncomfortable enough, the interaction that followed only managed to drive Lapis further into her deep hatred for the smaller gem. Her explanation as to why she decided to give the tape recorder to Lapis was completely disregarded, because in truth Lapis just didn’t care. No amount of gifts or apologies could make up for how Peridot treated her
“I don’t want your garbage.”
Lapis practically growled the words, eyes narrowing at Peridot as her grip on the tape recorder tightened, constricting it, clenching it until its outer case gave way. One loud crack was all it took and the tape recorder was no more, discarded on the grass in a ruined state. Peridot looked particularly hurt by this rejection, more so than previous ones, her eyes widening and brows creasing together as she stared at the crumpled mass on the floor. It took several excruciating moments for Peridot to speak again.
“Urgh! What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too?”
Peridot snapped, the hurt in her voice barely hidden by her frustration.
...Pardon?
Did Peridot have any idea how torturous, how agonizing her time trapped in a mirror was? Every day staring up at a world just out of reach, at a sky that taunted her as it loomed over her, so close she could touch it yet so unbearably far. For someone who was trying to apologise for what she put Lapis through, she sure was finding the worst things to say. It only served as a glaring reminder that despite everything Peridot was still the same gem she was all those months ago, except now she had nothing to protect her.
The green gem only dug herself a deeper hole as she tried to force her warped sense of solidarity onto Lapis, who was on the brink of blasting a jet of water into her infuriating face to shut her up. When she finally finished whining, she ended her rant by offering an olive branch.
“So tell me then, what you want from me, and whatever that is,” Peridot sighed, defeated, “I’ll do it”
Finally.
“I want you to leave.”
Lapis revelled in the sight of Peridot turning and walking away. She felt relieved, like she’d rid her new home of a pest that refused to leave, and perhaps more privately, she felt triumphant. Her little spiteful victory against her former captor. She held her ground, she was obstinate and she refused to let the suffering inflicted upon her be forgotten after some measly attempt at an apology.
This sense of victory, however, was short-lived. The sky had darkened, and so had Steven’s expression. He looked confused. He looked...upset? Why? Peridot was awful! She clearly hadn’t changed; she was just a helpless gem stripped of her power and resorting to whatever means available to her to make the most of her situation. What was it that Steven saw in her?
“Lapis, why are you being so mean to her? She’s really trying. “
“Why do you trust her Steven?”
“Because I know her! Lapis, you’re not even giving her a chance. You should have at least gotten to know her before you decided you don’t like her!”
It didn’t feel good to make Steven upset. It evoked a familiar sinking feeling in her gut, reminiscent of the one she often felt when plagued by thoughts of Jasper, thoughts of Malachite. He really seemed to care for Peridot, he had been rooting for her and helping her since they got to the barn and Lapis shot down every attempt made to be civil. Perhaps she had been a little harsh, she supposed, finding her eyes drifting to the broken tape recorder that lied crumpled on the grass.
Amidst Steven and Lapis’ questioning of each other, as they endeavoured to argue for and against Peridot’s sincerity and motives, that certain grating, screeching voice rang out from a few yards away. And it didn’t stop. One harsh, continuous scream, pitch fluctuating as it grew closer.
As Peridot’s screams grew louder, so did the deep, mechanical thrum that accompanied it. It didn’t sound like something Earth-made, the sound was too detached from that of the creations of humans, instead humming with the heavy and familiar whirring noise one would typically hear when in proximity with a Homeworld-made vessel.
“They’re here!”
Peridot yelped, voice trembling. As she passed the pair, they caught a glimpse of something lurking above the clouds, glowing with a warm light that stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the cold, bleak skies.
Surely enough, as Peridot made a frantic dash for the safety of the barn her chaser was revealed, bursting through the clouds above and soaking the ground in a sinister orange light. It was a sizeable, rounded ship with some kind of ocular mechanism at its front, without a doubt hailing from Homeworld. Its menacing eye stayed locked onto Peridot, of whom it remained in hot pursuit. Both Steven and Lapis followed suit, bolting for the entrance of the barn as the ship closed in on them.
The structure only provided momentary refuge, though, before that same glaring light spilled in through the hole in the wall. Yet again the trio found themselves running, this time with nowhere to hide.
“This is it Steven, they’re going to wipe my precious grin off the face of this planet!”
“Stay behind me, I’ll protect you!”
Lapis stepped forward. In one smooth, composed motion, she raised her hand, and in doing so, willed the water sitting idly in the makeshift lake to rise, forming tendrils of water that spiralled up and into the air, taking the shape of an enormous, aqueous hand. Not once breaking eye contact with the spacecraft, not once faltering in her powerful stance, Lapis flicked it out of balance with complete indifference, before smacking the ever-loving shit out of it in one mighty, brutal strike.
If Lapis was completely honest with herself, she could have taken the ship down in quite a few alternative ways, perhaps simpler ones than the method she had chosen, but with Peridot stood helplessly behind her and Steven prepared to protect her, she wanted to show off just a little. She wasn’t going to let whatever was in this ship lay a finger on Steven, but it didn’t hurt to also show off the strength she boasted as a terraforming gem to Peridot whilst simultaneously making it look incredibly easy for her, which it was. Just a very subtle and very gentle reminder to not fuck with Lapis Lazuli.
However, Lapis hadn’t forgotten what Steven had told her prior to the Roaming Eye’s intrusion. While she still did not care to engage with Peridot whatsoever, and would be filled with the utmost delight if she decided slip away and disappear forever, she did want to make Steven happy, and she was not going to let some runt from Homeworld get in the way of that. If coexisting with Peridot would make Steven happy, then...
“Peridot.”
Peridot nervously turned to face her, features morphing into a grimace as she braced herself for the verbal impact she seemed to be anticipating. She looked genuinely tense and kind of pathetic, but despite feeling little to no guilt for standing her ground and refusing to forgive her because of some half-hearted apologies, she did feel the slightest pang of pity for the smaller gem. Just a little.
...Fine.
“Are you okay?”
A big, dumb, ecstatic grin spread across Peridot’s face, her pitiful expression completely eradicated as it made way for her beaming smile, a vibrant display of her joy at Lapis’ change of heart. Yep, that was it, all sympathy gone, that was just embarrassing. She’d better not expect an ounce more of sympathy after that. Gross. Lapis turned away, her cheeks flushed from the uncomfortable show of compassion.
Even so, the sky seemed just a little bit brighter after that.
The days that followed, the days after the rubies fled back into space, the days after Lapis and Peridot made an unspoken agreement to their cohabitation, were quiet. Once Steven and the Crystal Gems packed up and left Lapis and Peridot to their own devices in the countryside, things had been particularly uneventful. Lapis would spend most of her time atop the silo or the roof of the barn, trying her damnedest to relax under the crushing weight of her straying thoughts, while Peridot would be in the barn almost all hours of the day, tinkering with one thing or another.
The product of said tinkering tended to be something entirely useless or without any actual function, but it certainly kept Peridot busy. The effort she poured into it seemed to be more about honing her skills rather than actually creating something practical, given that the barn was, while plentiful in assorted and miscellaneous resources, void of materials that could actually be of use in crafting functional objects.
Or, at least, that’s what Lapis assumed. She and Peridot hadn’t actually spoken since the day Lapis smacked the Roaming Eye into the ground. Forget speaking, they’d hardly looked at each other since it happened. Of course, there would be times when a brief catching-of-the-eye was unavoidable when Lapis found herself aimlessly wandering the barn, in which case they would exchange a very hasty nod on a good day, or a mutual immediate-aversion-of-the-eyes on most days.
Just how Lapis liked it. Each minding their own business, no need to interact, they could each just pretend the other wasn’t there. Bliss.
...
Okay, yes, it was a little weird. Avoiding eye contact with Peridot every time she entered the barn eventually became uncomfortable enough drive Lapis to the roof, thus creating her second favourite spot to seek respite and contemplate. She had gotten good at tuning everything else out, focusing on one little thing like the songs of a single nearby bird or the sound of leaves brushing against each other in the wind and letting herself slip into a state of calm. She had gotten great at it in fact, but it never lasted. She couldn’t possibly expect to be able to repress the memories of being fused at the bottom of the ocean for months on end just because of some dilapidated barn and the land that surrounded it. While, yes, she was over the moon to have a place to call home, she still found herself struggling to feel at home. She could hardly lie down and relax without succumbing to her own spiralling.
Sooner or later that sinking dread would latch onto her stomach and its claws would sink in as it dragged her below the surface, and she would be forced to open her eyes and drink in her surroundings for a good while to ground herself as the fear settled into melancholy. Closing her eyes for too long often met this outcome, hence why she would only ever allow herself to rest in intervals.
Avoiding the inevitable dread was easy enough, as long as she didn’t drift for too long. Getting lost in thought was blissfully easy for Lapis, and it provided a much-needed distraction from the looming sense of foreboding that followed her everywhere she went, as well as the frightening reality of the changes that were happening in her life. So much had changed. Pondering these changes too deeply always seemed to end with Lapis darting upwards in fear as a horrible pang of anxiety shot through her, before promptly settling over her, leaving her with a sickening sense of terror that bubbled in the back of her mind. That’s how her fear had began to manifest itself after her time fused as Malachite. A slow, bubbling, spiralling feeling that ended in one sharp drop into the abyss. The more she ruminated, the worse the fall. So Lapis tended to avoid thinking too much when she could help it, for her own sake.
It wasn’t all bad though. She really did enjoy her alone time, lying and thinking about the little things around her, about what she would see, the places she would go when she was ready to explore, about leaves changing colours with the seasons, about the way the clouds turn pink as the sun brushed the horizon, about-
Zzzzzrr.
...About the chirping of those little spindly creatures hidden away in their vast, grassy oasis, about the absurdity of-
Zzzzzzzzzrr.
About the absurdity of her-
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzrrr.
Lapis groaned, the high-pitched whirring of Peridot’s drill scraping at her ears in spite of her attempts to block out the sound with her palms. The noise persisted long enough to force Lapis to rise from her relaxed position on the roof of the barn, descending to the floor with cast out wings and furrowed brows. Peridot was curled up in a corner, crouching above an assortment of nails and segments of discarded metal. Beside her sat a small TV, just smaller than her compacted, crumpled form as she hunched further into her work. The cable that protruded out the back of the TV trailed all the way across to the opposite side of the barn, cutting across the line that Steven had drawn for them. The two never ended up using the line as a divider, as they both mostly went wherever they pleased. The contents displayed on the screen managed to grab Peridot’s attention every so often, only for her to shake her head and continue her adjustments on whatever she was working on.
It was late in the evening; the sun was sinking languidly below the horizon as the pink light of dusk followed suit. With the light slowly leaving the barn, Peridot was left with only the ever-changing hues of the TV screen’s light to see what she was doing. And so was Lapis.
She had decided to refrain from yelling at Peridot to be quieter, instead electing to stand with her weight shifted to lean on the barn door, observing. She would have told Peridot to cut it out with the drill had the words not died in her throat before she could expel them. It would be the first time they had spoken for days, the first time they had spoken since becoming ‘roommates’, and Lapis would be the one to initiate it. Not a chance. So, there she stood, casting an inky shadow across the floor of the barn, drowning the ghost of the evening warmth that laid upon its surface, watching Peridot fiddle with pieces of metal and scrap.
Truth be told, Lapis wasn’t entirely sure why she decided to stay and watch Peridot work. Perhaps it was just her curiosity, beckoning her to find out what exactly it was that Peridot was doing all day, or maybe it was the small puddle of suspicion that still sat in her gut, even after discovering what she had about the gem. She wanted to trust Peridot for Steven’s sake, even for both Lapis and Peridot’s sakes, but try as she might, she found herself unable to dispel the ever-present apprehension she felt at the thought of Peridot being in such close proximity with her and Steven. It was always conflicting, though, with the fact that in her current state Peridot appeared harmless. Kind of pitiful, if Lapis was honest.
Half of the very few occasions where she and Lapis made eye contact was met with Peridot being the first to avert her gaze, failing miserably to veil the fright on her face. Like she was doing right now.
Oh, shit.
A strained, barely audible yelp escaped Peridot as she turned around, arm quickly retracting before she managed to grasp the tool behind her, presumably what she had turned around for. She and Lapis made eye contact, eye contact that felt too intense and sudden for Peridot to pull away from. Especially given that Lapis was standing menacingly at the door of the barn, barely illuminated by the dying light of the sun.
“O-Oh! Lazuli! Did...Do you need something?”
Lapis was silent for a few moments, eyes drifting from Peridot’s wide eyes down to her hands. She was doing something with her thumb, rubbing it over the front of her fist as she awaited a response.
“Yeah. Could you be quieter with that thing?”
Lapis gestured towards the drill, which had been discarded in favour of the wrench Peridot had attempted to pick up before she had clocked Lapis’ presence.
Peridot nodded a little too quickly, finding herself too startled to say anything more. Lapis returned the gesture in the form of a far more collected and vastly more subtle dip of her head. With that, she extended her wings and turned to make her exit.
“Oh, wait,”
Lapis turned, almost startled. What was intended to be a shout came out as more of a slightly louder than average murmur, indicative of Peridot’s nervousness. It didn’t take a genius to see past her poorly-feigned ‘casual’ demeanour. She seemed surprised enough that Lapis had even turned around, let alone stayed put to listen.
“Um...I apologise. For the noise. If you let me know when you’re in need of some quiet I can adjust my timing accordingly.” Peridot mumbled timidly, still fidgeting with her hand. Peridot had attempted to employ a very matter-of-fact, sensible tone, but her diminished voice and sheepish demeanour gave her away. To Lapis, it seemed an awfully trivial thing to apologise for in such a manner, but she had a feeling that was intentional. Peridot was offering more opportunities for the two to talk and accommodate each other’s behaviours more comfortably. Lapis was not a fan of this development. She didn’t care what Peridot did, so long as it didn’t directly interfere with Lapis’ relaxation as it had earlier.
“Sure.” She replied simply. Unwilling to continue the interaction any further, Lapis flapped her wings and in a single, smooth motion, took off into the air. Little stars had begun appearing above her, decorating the now dark-blue skies with their playful light. A perfect night to go flying, Lapis concluded, allowing herself to soar aimlessly across the countryside as the night carried on into dawn, burying her brief conversation with Peridot in the back of her mind.
As much as she disdained the thought, she couldn’t help but feel she had unintentionally broken the seal of prolonged silence between her and Peridot, which would certainly lead to her thinking Lapis was warming up to her, which was far from the truth.
Very, very far from the truth.