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A/N: This is based on the Key & Peele Skits. Seeing the Paramount Plus Ad of Keegan Michael-Key doing it with different characters inspired me to come up with this one. Their skits are awesome! Check them out on Youtube!
A teacher walks in with a white dress shirt and brown tie with short black stripes. The class quiets down.
"Alright y'all good morning!"
"Good morning!" Several people called out.
"My name is Mr. Garvey, and I'll be substituting for your teacher today." The teacher said. "From what I've been told, this is uh... some sort of mixed class right? Like you learn different subjects and what not? Can uh, anybody confirm that?"
"Yes, Mr. Garvey, that is exactly how it is." Weiss Schnee said.
"Alright. Thank you." Mr. Garvey said, putting his clipboard down and writing down his name on the blackboard.
"Okay. Your teacher has told me that everything you need is supposed to be with you on paper. But if you do not have it on paper, he said it is online, so you can go ahead and use your computers too if you need to. He said somethin' about scrolls for some of y'all, but I don't know how that works. Like we're in the 19th century or some movie or somethin' but whatever. But before y'all get started, let me take role first." He said, picking up the clipboard.
"Now let me say this before I start. I've been teaching for 20 years in the inner city. So don't think about tryin' nothin' with me. Y'all understand?"
Some students responded to show their understanding, while others didn't.
"Okay. Let's uh get this role taken care of." Mr. Garvey said before looking on the clipboard.
"Let's see here." He said, looking on the clipboard.
"A dam! Is A dam here?" Everyone looks around.
"A dam?" No response.
"No A dam? Okay." Mr. Garvey said, about to mark them absent.
"Um, sir?" A boy with gingered colored hair, a yellow t-shirt, and dark green cargo pants with freckles on his cheeks said, raising his hand.
"Yes, sir?" Mr. Garvey said.
"Do you mean Adam?" Adam Lyon asked.
"What's it to you? Is this you?"
"Yes, sir." Adam said.
"Well, why didn't you answer when I first called your name? Too busy talkin'?"
"Uh, no sir! It's just that you said my name wrong so I didn't know you were talking about me." Adam said.
"I said your name right! Ly on seems like the perfect last name to you. You seem to like to lie! Gonna keep an eye on you. You look like you trouble." Mr. Garvey said before looking down at the clipboard again. "All right, who's next. Balake? Where's Balake?"
"No Balake today?"
"Uh Blake, I think he's talking about you." Yang whispered to the Faunus.
"Um, Mr. Garvey sir?" Blake said, raising her hand.
"Yes ma'am?"
"Do you mean Blake?"
Mr. Garvey sighs before trying not to aggressively drop the clipboard.
"Look now, we not about to do this."
"Do what?"
"'Do what'?" Mr. Garvey said, imitating her. "That right there! That attitude! We not about to do this! Don't think 'cause you got them cute little 'cat ears' that you can do whatever the hell you want or say whatever you want to say around here! Because I'm for real! I'm for real!"
"Okay." Blake said, not sure how to take what just happened.
"A lex! Where's A lex at?" Mr. Garvey said.
Alex raised her hand. "Um, excuse me Mr. Garvey?" Alex said.
"You seem like a nice young lady. What do you need sweetie?" Mr. Garvey asked.
"Um, I just want to correct the naming. It's Alex." Alex said, giving a friendly smile.
Mr. Garvey dropped the clipboard.
"You know what? You know what? That's it! I see what's happenin' here! Y'all think that because y'all from these different worlds and places that y'all can talk to normal little ol' me however you want to." He said, flailing his hands as he said "different worlds and places". "Well guess what, I told y'all! I been doin' this for 20 years! 20 damn it! Now I may not have been blessed with the stuff y'all can do, but I can damn sure go to war with y'all! Now if y'all don't want that, y'all gon' say y'all names right! And stop disrespectin' me!" He said, picking up the clipboard.
"Y'all keep on, and I'ma leave a negative note for y'all teacher. Y'all ain't gon' like that huh?" He said, before looking down.
"Why You Ko! Where's Why You Ko?"
Ryuko Matoi sighed, wondering if she should just get this over with and just raise her hand.
"What you sighin' for? You got a problem?" Mr. Garvey asked.
"No sir. I'm just wondering why you can't seem to take the hint that you're butchering everyone's names." Ryuko said.
"Got damn it! Son of a b*tch!" Mr. Garvey said, breaking the clipboard, surprising even Ryuko.
"You thought I was playin'? Huh?" He said, pointing at Ryuko.
"Trust me pal, I'm not either!" Ryuko said, standing up to face Mr. Garvey.
"Ohhhhhhh! So you tryin' to go to war?"
"Yeah! Bring it on!" Ryuko said.
"Sit back down! And say your name right! Why You Ko!"
"It's Ryuko!"
"Why You Ko!"
"Ryuko!"
"Why You Ko!"
"Ryuko!"
"WHY YOU KO!"
"RY-U-KO!"
They continued their shouting match for a few more minutes.
"Is this ever going to end?" Tristan Taylor asked Dan Kuso.
"Shh! Don't say anything! Maybe it'll last all the way until the end of class." Dan said.
"This has been more fun than like, all of my classes with Mr. Teacher Man combined!" Johnny Test, a flaming-headed kid said.
"I could easily just send you flying through this roof right now, but I really got to go the bathroom. So can I just go?" Ryuko asked.
"You're excused."
"Just like that huh? This guy is one weird substitute teacher." She said to herself in the hallway, while going to the bathroom.
"See? That's all you gotta do! Act civil! I can work with you!" Mr. Garvey said before getting the clipboard that was broken in half. Which didn't seem to faze him as he picked up the top half and started reading off the paper again.
"We iss? Where is We iss? Gettin' a little fancy with the extra s on there huh? Sounds like a snake." He said before hissing.
"Um, do you mean Weiss, sir?"
"Oh my-" He said, throwing his hands up before grabbing his head.
"Did you not hear what I just said earlier?"
"Being civil? But Mr. Garvey, I am being civil and respectful." Weiss said.
"Don't try to act all innocent! You know what you did!" He said before going down the list.
"Dar win! Who's Dar win?"
"Right here sir!" Darwin Watterson said, raising his hand.
"Thank you! See? Least we got a couple of students that actually show some decency! Maybe the rest of y'all could learn a thing or two from them!"
"Alright, let's see here. Y ang! Y ang! Well, let's see we actually got three here so let me go to the last names..." He said, looking over to the other side of the paper.
"Xi a o Long! Who's that?"
"It's pronounced Xiao Long." The blonde huntress said.
"You think because it's the last name it's gonna be anything different! No! Now say it right!" Mr. Garvey said.
"How about you say our names right? Say my name right, and I promise to not give you any problems." Yang said.
"For what? What you want me to do somethin' I already did? Absolutely not! You not about to mock me!"
"We don't have to, he's doing a pretty good job a it himself." Bakugo said to the Pokemon trainer Gary next to him. They both got a laugh out of it.
"What's funny?" He said, now standing in front of their desks.
Bakugo and Gary stopped laughing.
"Well, seeing as how y'all were kee keeing and hee heeing a second ago, I thought you two would want to share what's so funny, with the class?" Mr. Garvey said.
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S FUNNY! YOU! YOU'RE A JOKE YOU KNOW THAT? WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT CAN'T EVEN SAY NOT ONE OF HIS STUDENTS' NAME RIGHT?" Bakugo yelled. "You can't even be bothered to listen to people when they correct you either! And you only got Darwin's name right by complete accident!"
"Oh no. I'm not taking that disrespect! Get yo ass out this class! And your little friend too! What's y'all names?"
"Bakugo."
"Gary." The only reason they even gave him the names was so they could laugh at him more.
"Callin' somebody idiots and y'all can't even say y'all own damn names right! Back U Go! Yeah, back you go to detention, 'cause you probably always there with that behavior! Gar Y! I don't even know what I'm lookin' at with this name. Parents probably asking why they even named you that so they put the Y at the end. Just get out my class!"
Bakugo and Gary were heard laughing in the hallway.
"A ang! Where you at?"
"Oh! You're talking to me! I'm here!" Aang said.
"M'kay." He said before going to the next person. "Uh Ru by! Where's Ru by at?"
"Here sir!" Ruby Rose sad, raising her hand, not wanting the conflict with Mr. Garvey.
"Alright, I see y'all! Tryin' to really win me over!" Mr. Garvey said.
"Umm, let's see here. Shy Kame A R U?"
"*sigh* Yep." Shikamaru said, raising his hand, just wanting to get this over with.
"Be in! Where's Be in?"
"Ben? Hello, it's not that hard." The ten year-old said.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" He said, throwing the clipboard at the board.
The hijinks continued until everyone in the room was called.