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Being in love with someone who actually loves you back is . . . a strange thing.
Rin doesn’t understand it still, and there’s a part of him that can’t seem to trust this feeling. A part of him that still fears he’ll be abandoned. Again.
Isagi wiggles in his arms, and for a second Rin thinks he’s going to wake up, holding his breath and pretending to sleep. He’ll definitely hear another round of Isagi’s self-care talk: how important sleep is. As if Rin doesn’t do self-care. He eats balanced diets, exercises regularly, and he meditates. He’s got that your body is a temple regimen down.
But Isagi only snuggles closer to him, burrowing in Rin’s warmth and burying his face into Rin’s neck. He flinches when he feels how cold Isagi’s nose is against his skin, and it vaguely reminds him of a cat.
Rin squeezes Isagi, pressing his face into his hair and inhaling. He smells like Rin’s shampoo, and it fills him with a weird sense of possessiveness.
Maybe he should buy Isagi the same products he uses so he always smells like Rin.
No, that’s creepy and weird.
Maybe they should move in together—
That’s going too far.
Rin sighs. He still doesn’t know what to do. He’s new to all of this, and the fact that he’s only ever loved one person his whole life before Isagi came in and stole Rin’s heart to bring it to his own goal post doesn’t really help his case.
Especially when that person was his own older brother.
But Sae never looked at Rin the way Isagi does, and he certainly never showed him the kind of affection Isagi is so comfortable doing to Rin.
Rin spent his whole life chasing after Sae, trying to get his attention and waiting for him to love him back. He hung onto every word, every promise Sae made to him, every hug and every stolen kiss when no one was looking. Everything Sae dangled in front of him Rin would take, and keep with him until he was too full to hold any of it.
And when he was finally able to return it, to give Sae everything he had, Sae had decided he didn’t need Rin anymore.
Now he walks alongside Isagi, and Rin never has to ask for anything, never has to wait for him because Isagi would already be there, ready to give Rin anything he wants.
And Rin would do the same. Rin loves Isagi so much he feels like his heart could burst, and he’s always a hairline away from the urge to keep Isagi from the rest of the world, to keep him all to himself so he doesn’t have to ever let go.
But Rin doesn’t know how long this will last. He doesn’t know how long he has until Isagi decides he isn’t good enough, until he realizes Rin is more broken than he thought.
Isagi stirs again, and Rin realizes he had been holding him too tightly. He loosens his arms around him, and smooths a hand down Isagi’s back to ease him back to a comfortable position.
But instead of continuing to sleep, Isagi starts to blink awake.
Rin shuts his eyes immediately, but he has always been a terrible actor.
“Rin? You didn’t sleep again? What time is it,” Isagi slurs, voice rough from sleep.
“I don’t know,” Rin whispers. “You should go back to sleep.”
Isagi shakes his head. “Had a weird dream. A snake was trying to eat me.”
“Maybe it thought you were a rat,” Rin tells him. “You are tiny, after all.”
Isagi closes his eyes and groans. “Don’t make fun of meee. ‘M too sleepy.”
“Then sleep.”
“Kiss?”
Rin doesn’t waste time, leaning down to slot his lips against Isagi’s. Kissing him always feels good, and Rin instantly melts into the sensation. He snakes a hand up to cradle Isagi’s head as he presses further, moving his mouth over his and just consuming.
Isagi barely kisses back, way too groggy to properly reciprocate, but Rin doesn’t mind. He finds it adorable, even, so he kisses and kisses and kisses Isagi until he feels him tap his back.
His eyes are droopy when Rin pulls away, eyelids fluttering as he fights to stay awake.
“Go back to sleep, Isagi,” Rin says, scratching at his scalp lightly, just the way he likes it.
“Only if you sleep, too.” Isagi yawns. “I can hear your thoughts even in my sleep.”
Rin scoffs. “That’s impossible.”
“Nuh uh. For example, right now, I can hear you thinking, ‘wow, my boyfriend is so handsome, how will I ever live up to him ,” Isagi tells him.
“Delirious, are we,” Rin snorts. “Go to sleep.”
“Nooo.” But Isagi is already pushing himself closer to Rin, finding that position earlier that lets him be so comfortable. “You know I love you, right? That’s not gonna change,” Isagi says quietly against his skin.
Rin bites his lip and swallows.
How can a person know exactly what he needs, and not hesitate to let him have it?
He wraps his arms around Isagi like he did earlier. His arm already feels numb, and he’s going to be stiff when they get out of bed later, but it’s all worth it.
Isagi is worth it.
He is worth the fear, the anxiety, the insecurities, because Rin never has to trip over himself trying to reach for him.
“I know,” Rin finally responds. “I love you, too.”
He feels Isagi’s lips curl, and then press against his skin in a soft kiss. “Good. Don’t forget it, or I’ll beat your ass.”
“Big words from someone who can’t reach the top shelf— ow, what the fuck— ”
Rin winces and moves back to bring his hand to press against the spot on his neck that Isagi just bit. The bastard grins smugly up at him. “That’s what you get for insulting me. I’m not even that short. You’re just freakishly big.”
“You like that I’m big,” Rin mutters, and earns himself a smack on the arm.
“Shut up, It’s way too early for this. Let’s just go back to sleep, okay?” Isagi nuzzles back into him, and presses his lips against the bite he left on Rin’s neck.
“Fine, but you’re cooking breakfast.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Isagi kisses the same spot again, and Rin melts at the touch. He wraps his arms back around Isagi, letting the sound of their breaths and the thump thump thump of their heartbeats lull him to sleep.
He isn’t sure how long they’re going to stay together, but Rin sure as hell isn’t letting go of Isagi.