Work Text:
On the evening of yet another day on Dragonstone, Jace leaned against one of the castle’s parapets, staring out at the magnificent sunset. The sea engulfed his vision along with the trading vessels and fishing boats traversing the surprisingly tranquil water. From all the stories he had been told in King’s Landing about the vast body of water outside the Blackwater Bay, he had expected gargantuan waves, sea battles, shipwrecks, maybe even all three to be within sight at all times.
Then again, perhaps Aegon had just been trying to scare Luke and him with those tales.
Jace closed his eyes and sniffed the salt air. As much as he would miss his sparse friends in King’s Landing, he could get very used to the change in scent. The smell of waste was absent for once in his life. Instead, he smelled salt, he heard the sea, and he saw the most beautiful sunset sinking down over the horizon.
It was almost perfect. If only his mind was not currently working against him.
He was plagued with self-loathing thoughts. Jace had a feeling he was too observant for his own good, but he listened to what people said and paid attention to how Luke and him were treated. The reason for all the disrespect and dirty looks had been unknown to him for the longest time. He had not understood why some of the noble children didn’t like him.
How could anybody not at least like Luke?
The events preceding their departure from the capital had filled in the remaining pieces of the puzzle. Jace took a shaky breath. As tempted as he was to say the words aloud so that he could properly confront and deal with them, he knew he could not. If overheard, such admittance could lead to trouble for his mother, who he loved so much.
That was not to mention the effect it would have on his little brother, who was so innocent and happy. Luke was blissfully unaware of the truth.
The truth was this: Laenor Velaryon may live with Luke and him and read them bedtime stories, but he was not their real father. Harwin Strong was.
Was.
Jace hung his head in his hands and cried.
He loved Laenor, who had never mistreated him, but he had adored Harwin so much. Now he was gone forever due to that tragic fire at Harrenhal.
“Jace?”
Immediately, Jace turned away from the familiar voice of Luke and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his tunic. He could not raise suspicion. He must remain strong.
Strong.
There went the last of his restraint. He sank down against the stone wall so that he was sitting with his back against it. He broke down, unable to contain his emotions. He was trying so hard, too. Was he truly good enough to be his mother’s heir?
Did he deserve to be her heir?
The tears would not stop. He felt like a baby, bawling on the walls of the castle he would be expected to live in once his mother became Queen.
So much for being a good older brother for Luke to look up to. Luke had never seen him cry like this before. Jace knew it was his own fault, letting his guard down and not paying attention to who was around him. What if it had been his mother? He wouldn’t have blamed her for being disappointed in her inadequate eldest son.
Amidst his misery, a thumping sound was barely audible. Jace couldn’t be bothered to check what it was. It could be an impossibly tall siege ladder with enemies scaling the walls and he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. If it was, he would end up failing his mother when she needed him.
In his eyes, the status of his birth already made him a failure, one that was impossible to fix.
“Why are you so sad?” Luke asked him innocently.
Jace peeked out from underneath his hands to see Luke sitting next to him, face full of concern. Their shoulders were touching. It was helping.
Luke stared at him patiently, unblinking. Jace found the look in his eyes to be sweeter than the strawberry tarts they would steal from the kitchens in King’s Landing.
Back where Jace had not been happy to live overall. That city was full of snakes who mistreated Luke. He would never know the truth, not from Jace’s lips. Luke deserved to be happy. If he found out, that happiness would be squished like the beetles they had taken out among the rocks their first night on their island home.
There was no choice but to be untruthful. Hopefully he was good enough at it, for Luke’s sake. Then again, perhaps he didn’t need to lie completely.
“I…I miss Father,” Jace sobbed. “I miss my friends. I miss how things used to be before…”
Before he had discovered the truth. Part of him wanted to go back in time and keep his head down. Reality was easy to ignore if one didn’t look up.
Jace covered his mouth and blinked out fresh tears. He needed to stop talking.
“Father? Jace, don’t be a baby,” Luke chuckled lightly. His tone was not cruel. Their voices never were towards each other. “He’s only at the inn down in the fishing village with Qarl. Ser Steffon stopped me from following them. He told Mother, too. I’m hiding from her until I think she won’t be mad at me anymore. She never lets us be with him when he goes out with Qarl. Says we’re too young.” He blew a raspberry. “We’re Targaryens. We can handle whatever comes our way.”
They were Targaryens. That much was certain. That had been what their mother had told Jace before they moved. The way she had reacted to the straightforward question about Harwin Strong had given away the secret Laenor and her had been poorly concealing ever since his first name day. To Jace, even his name day was soiled.
What reason did he have to be happy with his life?
He had taken too long to respond. Luke continued his attempts at breaking through the barrier Jace had put up around himself lately.
“You miss King’s Landing?” his little brother asked, scooting ever so closer so that their arms were touching. “Not Aegon, right? Gods, I hope not…”
Luke could be so unintentionally funny sometimes. Jace broke out in a giggle and cracked a smile.
“No. Certainly not Aegon,” replied Jace, unable to be sad any longer. “Maybe Helaena, though. She’s nice. Aemond…needs to learn how to take a jest the right way.”
“There’s the brother I know. I’m glad that stranger from before left. I don’t like seeing you like that,” Luke said to him with a toothy grin.
“I didn’t think I would feel anything else again,” Jace confessed, shaking his head clear of the gloomy thoughts threatening to overpower it. “Thanks, Luke.”
Luke leaned in and wrapped his arms around his neck and shoulders.
“We’ll be okay, Jace. There’s some boys in the castle who want to be my friends. I’ll make sure they’re yours, too.”
Jace returned the hug, rubbing his chin on Luke affectionately. There was only one friend in this world he would ever need, and he was right beside him.
The embrace lasted so long, they almost missed the sky turning all sorts of colors as their part of the world entered nighttime.
They stood up and watched the sunset together, holding hands. When Luke rested his head against his shoulder, Jace’s stomach felt weird. What was it that he was feeling?
Jace did not know. All he knew was that this was the happiest he had been in a while. There was a feeling deep in his heart that told him that, as long as Luke and him were together, they would be all right.
Despite the cover of darkness, both brothers separated their hands when guards on patrol walked by. They didn’t fully understand why they had felt the need to hold each other in such a way, but they knew it would not bode well for them should they be discovered.
Melancholy was returning to Jace. He wrapped an arm around Luke’s neck and ruffled his hair with fast-moving knuckles.
“Hey!” Luke protested, squirming and lightly sinking his teeth into Jace’s sleeve. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Jace told him truthfully. His next words shocked him. “Maybe…just making sure you’re here with me. This doesn’t feel real.”
“Of course I’m here! Where else would I be?” Luke griped. “Come on, let go.”
Jace listened. He was embarrassed at his rash action. “Sorry.”
Luke smirked at him playfully. “If you let me beat you in a race to the kitchens, maybe I’ll forgive you.” He sighed. “But I don’t think they have tarts here.”
“That’s okay. There are other sweet things in our new home,” Jace found himself saying.
Where had that come from?
Jace blushed. Silence followed. To his relief, Luke had not understood what he said.
“We gonna race or what? I found a shortcut I know you don’t know about,” Luke stated in a cocky manner. He was bouncing on his feet.
“Sure,” Jace confirmed. “When do-”
Before he could finish, Luke took off running, giggling madly.
Jace smiled as he watched him go. Luke didn’t know the truth about their parentage. One day he would, though. It was inevitable, especially considering how adults seemed to know everything. He sighed as he accepted that realization. His smile shrank.
Luke didn’t deserve the hardships ahead of him in life. It wasn’t his fault that Laenor was not their real father, for whatever reason that may be. Yet, the consequences of their mother and Laenor’s choices were theirs to bear.
That didn’t seem fair to Jace.
By this point, Luke would certainly win their silly race. Jace took off after his brother, somehow feeling at peace with their lifelong situation. As long as they had each other, nothing would overcome them.
They were Targaryens. It had taken Luke to remind him of that unchangeable fact.
And like what his mother had told him on their last day in King’s Landing, being a Targaryen was all that mattered. Targaryens could handle anything.
Whatever came their way.